Hi Louise
Work is my place of rest lol i love it and the people i work with it keeps me sain 
.It gives me the motovation to get up an be part of the business i work for.
Yes it is a juggling act but hey thats the choices that were made when faced with them.
Stuart
Stuart, Morning
I am new to this site and have just posted a comment regards help and guidance from other single parents. I am 43 years old, have a 2 year old daughter and I am currently in a marriage(not for very long ) which I need to get out of, speaking to a solicitor this week, hopefully. I am worried, as you would expect, for the future in terms of my daughters development and emotions, can you help?
Hello ITMAN67
Sorry to hear you going through this tough time in your life.
The best thing i can say for your daughters development and emotions is to be allowed to have a relationship with your daughter on a regular basics both you and your ex partner to be as amicable as possible in front of her and not bad mouth your ex in front of her.
As hard as it seams or how you feel about your ex partner why you want out its the child that is the most inportant one in the middle here.
Find out what you can do regarding solicitor they may advise you to go to mediation to resolve access to your daughter. hopefully you and your ex partner can come to some arrangement regarding time spent with your daughter.
End of the day the the child has the right to a relationship with both parents if possible.
Stuart
Hello Everyone
Just another one of my moans about how my selfish emotionless ex treats her children.
Its half term and they go to there mums for a week as arranged, bear in mind this woman has recenlty wants full custody of the children.
I have arranged a weekend with my g/f as i have no children.
Saturday morning get a ranting raving ex saying daughters ill sick wants to come home come and get her. I say no its your turn to have them so deal with it, i speak to daughter and she wants to come home.
Ok i say i will come half way and collect her if you pay the desiel money, so i arrange to pick her up, next breath mum say the boys want to come home to,oh no they are fine and i have to work so whos going to look after them they stay with you unless you pay the childminder as i dont get paid childcare when i dont have them.
How much is the childminder i tell her its 300 pound she says no way i anit paying that and the boys are coming home as her little boy with the new partner is her main pirotory and her other children are in the room as she says this.
She says they are coming home and she is going to drive home and dump them at the door and you know what she did nice hey.
After i take the children in i carnt hold my anger in and i tell her just what i think off her its not nice words but hey its soooo hard to stay cool after the way she treats her children.
Later as the kids calm down they confide in there nan that they were told to say they wanted to come home as they wanted to stay.
I know hate is a strong word but you can see why i do hate her the way she is doing emotional damage to her children she so called loves.
Stuart
awwwh Stuart that must have been awful for the children and for you, I`m sorry xxx
Hi Stuart. That was really awful of your ex. How are the children now? She certainly doesn't sound like she wants custody of them, if she cannot even have them for half term. To say what she did about her son, with her partner, was so so wrong, and especially in front of your kids. Poor things, how must they have hurt to hear that!! I know you had plans to spend the weekend with your GF, but at least now you know the children are back with you, someone who really does want them with him.
Hi stuart, I must admit I was quite shocked when I read this: it is one thing if the other parent is trying to spoil your time off (which may partly be the reason) and quite another if she is hurting your children like this.
It is time to start a journal, an exercise book will do, write down the date, the original arrangements for parenting time, and then what happened, just as you have written here. Every time there is an incident, write it down. In this way, you will build a record of her history with the children, The one positive is that she has lost a massive amount of ground in her threatened pursuit of a custody action.
As for the children, they will need some extra love, cuddles and reassurance from you. Try not to criticise their mum in front of them, I know this is hard but just be led by them if they mention it. If they do, let them know that it is ok to still love her and it is also Ok if they feel negative towards her. Whilst in my book there are no excuses for hurting them, it might help them if you say things like "mum is under a lot of stress at the moment" or "because mum does not live with you all the time, she has forgotten how grown up you are"....NOT to excuse her, but just to put an Elastoplast over the wound for them
The father of my children would frequently do this.
My neighbour took them in once, as he arrived here before I did - and she was aware of the situation.
Once he stopped having them overnight, it was so much easier.
I ranted at him too - he would put his head to one side, smile sweetly, apologise and leave. I seriously got to the point where I had murderous or violent thoughts, which I could have carried out, which is totally out of character to me.
My solution was to make sure where ever I booked I could take the children along.
Yes it is natural to have those very strong feelings of anger, hatred etc. Anger needs letting out in some way so think about how you could do this. Physical exercise can be helpful; when I could not get to the swimming pool I used to put on thick trainers and go outside and kick a ball at the wall and throw a cushion very energetically, usually making a tennis noise (you know, when they do a big serve and shout UUUUUGH 
) Hope no-one had their video camera on! 
Hey stuart, sorry to read that your childrens half term was spoilt. (And your weekend of course).
Have you managed to sort out any childcare? Have the children spoken of their visit to you? If they find it difficult to talk to you about it, you could suggest they wrote their own journals, just so their thoughts, feelings etc get down on paper rather than bottled up inside.
There is little you can do regarding your ex, although writing it all down is an excellent idea from Louise and gets it out of your system too.
Being the solid rock for the children is by far the most settling thing for them and they will appreciate that.
Is their nan around this week?
Hi Stuart
Hope things are better today.
100% agree with Louise you need to start a journal now . It will help if she tries to take anything further.
Keep your chin up mate they are much better off with you.
Hi Guys
And thanks, yes i have a diary that i log all the missed access and haressment down in its 3years long now and quiet full lol.
Stuart
yes I expect it is, well done you
I bought a really nice box for all the folders, notebooks and bits of relevant paper that held records of failed access visits etc.
I found it really therapeutic to keep it all in a pleasant place, rather than in my filing cabinet along with other paperwork. This may sound a bit girly stuart, but it made a real difference accessing or depositing information from a space that was pleasing to the eye! It meant that I got pleasure whilst dealing with the pain! 
Anyway! how is half term going??
Yes, mine is too! I keep a record of the hours is sees them too. Forty and a half last year, and that included Christmas...
(meow)
Hello Anna
Well half term aint going to well as 3 out of the four of us have had the bug.So i have been off work. I have had to tell them its me thats ill even though i have as if its the kids ill and i am off i dont get paid.
I have thoughs that something would happen to the mum as life would be so much easier but that wouldent be fair on the kids.
Just want to be left alone to raise the kids and if possible one day meet that someone special is that to much to ask......?
Stuart
No, it isn't too much to ask. Don't forget that it will get easier, the older the kids get, in terms of contact with your ex (they can do it independently) and also you will have more free time.
Sorry to hear you have all been poorly, that doesn't help. Hopefully you will all start to feel better now
Hi stuart
Sorry to hear that nearly all of you are carrying the bug, I hope that you are still able to make the most of hanging out together.
I too had similar thoughts as you, but it isn't going to happen unless a superhero emerges and eliminates all the selfish and inconsiderate people in this world (ummm I wonder how many of us would be left!)
Statistics a few years ago, said that on average someone who is parenting alone will do so for 7 years....for me this was great news as I always thought it was forever! So it is still early days for you.
I think it is really hard to meet a significant other whilst dealing with a difficult ex and raise a family. We have so many pressures on us that we have to work through those before we are fresh enough to love another person selflessly and give them what they need.
How is it going with your lady friend?
Hi.
I just want to say Hello too. I'm a single 40 year old Dad/Pappy (depends on what mood they're in!!) of two teen girls. I'm enjoying being the "Main Carer" very much sometime finding it hard to mum to but it seems to come some how. I hope joining this site will open new friendship and good advice from both male and female chatters, sometimes I think it helps.
Look forward to the chats
Marsman
P.S. the marsman thing is to do with a book i tread once, not science or star thing!
Hi Marsman,
Welcome to one space, you will find this site a great place for chat, advice, support etc, How long have you been a single parent, 2 teen girls is definitely a challenge, I have 3 of the little darlings and 2 boys one 24 the other 9
I have to say my 1st thought about your user name was a chocoholic!!!!!!!!
Look forward to chatting
Hi Marsman
Hope you are well, nice to hear from you. I have a little 2 year old DD who keeps me on my toes.
Hope you enjoy the site most of the talk goes on in the chit chat room.
Hi Marsman, welcome along Glad you found us!
I too thought instantly of Mars Bars! Do you recommend the book that your username refers to?
Once you have had a root around, feel free to join in any conversation or start one of your own, also we have a very brief feedback form that we would love you to fill out for our 2 year evaluation. There will be a draw for £60 high street vouchers on Monday 28th Feb. Good Luck!
Hello Marsman and welcome
There is lots of friendly support here, do hope you will soon feel at home
Hi marsman. Welcome along to One Space. I'm single Mum to an 8 year old son. Normally very well behaved, but has been pushing me to the limits a bit lately. Great support and advice on here. Look forward to chatting.
evening everyone, hope you all ok??
im having an awful day, dont really know whats wrong but ijust wanna sit down and ball my eyes out. O and J have gone out with my friend to the wacky warehouse place for tea,thy only came bk from my dads this morning, but i managed to snap at them this aft and fell awful abt it now. i rang my mum and she told me to snap out of it, really usewful mum thanks, but i cant seem to get through to her that it isnt just a momentary thing, i am depressed and my tablets arent working.
sorry for ranting on, just wanted somewhere to release
k xx
Hi dizzydora, sorry you are having a bad day, doesnt help when people tell you to snap out of it does it? Can you go back to the doctors and see if they can give you a different tablet? No consolation I know but lots of us are quite stressed this week with half term. Do hope you have a better evening xxx
hi tiredmum, im bk at docs wednesday, i been on these new pills a mnth now and thy nt showing any sign of difference
thx for replying xxx
Hi dizzydora
I'm sorry you're not having a good day - just been having a serious discussion with my eldest here.
Hope the day does get better and you have a quiet weekend.
Its good you have an appointment next week.
Take care.
Hi dizzydora, hopefully your doctor can try something else for you, depression is one of the least talked about or appreciated illnesses, have you tried any CBT therapy, I am aware that the NHS is using one called Beating the Blues in some areas of the country, it is done at home via your computer, seems a ggod thing to me as when you are depressed you dont always want to mingle, might be worth asking your doctor if its available in your area and see if you can try it alongside the tablets.
Thinking of you xxxx
In case you doctor hasnt heard of it
http://www.beatingtheblues.co.uk/
You can read about it here xxxx
thanks you guys, i feel better just knowing u lot are all out there to talk to me. just starting cbt, so hopefully its the start of a new chapter, i feel silly cos ive cried so much tonight, but at least o and j arent here. just got so much on my mind at the mo, everything seems on top of me. my friends stying with me tonite so im nt alone wi o and j, at least i gt a bit of bk up
night all xxxx
Glad your friend is staying, hope you have a good night xxx
Please let us know how you get on with the doctor on Wed.
HI all. Thanks for the welcome. Anna.... The book (which I think alllllll shoud read, both male and female) is Women are from venus and Men are from mars. the book helped me to understand alot about me and women. Although we're all different the book worked for me and I have a lot more of an understanding for myself and a huge understanding and respect for women. i have to say i wish my ex wife had taken time to read it, but hey ho each to their own.
Marsman x
Hi Marsman, I have a copy of that book here somewhere, did read parts of it a long time ago as I recall it was good.
Hope you are having a good evening
Hello Marsman, I have ready that book too and it has a lot to say about the ways in which the sexes may differ. You're right though, you can only HOPE the other person reads it! What are you up to this weekend?
Hi dizzydora, glad you are back at the GP Wednesday, and hopefully you can get your medication changed. They might even keep you on the same one and adjust the dose. I know it can seem awful when you can't stop crying but there is a place for tears in all this, and your tears get rid of an awful lot of stress hormones. Think of it as a good clear out! However, it is another consideration if the children are there and see you crying all the time, maybe you could just explain and say "mummy is poorly". Great that you had your friend over, you need to mobilise all sources of support right now to get you through this low patch......and of course that includes us on here!
Don't forget The Samaritans are always at the end of the line 24/7, they have helped me on a few occasions, once I just sat and cried and it was nice to have a voice at the other end telling me it was OK
Hi dizzydora, how are you feeling today? That was lovely of your friend to stay the night too. Having company certainly helps a lot doesn't it? Makes you know that you're not alone.
Hi Anna
The lady friend is going really well we enjoy each others company and doing things together. I am taking her out for her birthday to night for a meal.
We have good conversation and if we disagree we are happy to listen to each others views and still want to see each other.
As we work and have children its hard to find the time to spend time together.
Looking after the children aint a problem even if it was for 18years i love the fact i get to raise them and if you do find someone to settle with is a package me and my children just like any single parent.
Stuart
Hello Stuart
Hope you had a nice meal out, what sort of restaurant did you go to?
Hello Louise
I was supposed to be taking her to and italian restaurant but she had to work late so we went to a local pub and had a drink and meal in there.
Stuart
I am sure it was a nice treat anyway, good to get a break from our home lives, however much we love our kids
Hi Louise
By the way the link to the quilt you gave me does not work to put pictures on it, it says error 404 page could not be found.
Stuart
Hi Stuart
I do not know why that happened, I have adjusted that now and here is the link again
Hi there
I remember reading the book you mention Marsman, a long time ago now. However 2 things stuck out for me. Men will ask you what is wrong then they tell you how to fix things in the most simplest and straight forward way. Great if it is a practical problem, however if it is an emotional issue there is sooo much more to discuss, theorise and consider! The other thing was ..... Men like their caves! So if you ask your chap what is wrong, he wants to hibernate for a while until he has resolved whatever his issue was. Its so funny, yet soo true!
Hey stuart, it sounds like you are building a lovely friendship with your lady friend. That is the most important thing in a relationship I believe. it sounds as though you have both had your fair share of hard knocks and plenty in life to keep your minds occupied, but you have enough respect to find time to spend together and listen to one another. Pub meal sounds lovely
Good Afternoon All
How is everyone doing as the nice weather is showing its lovely face for a while.
Since the last out burst from the kids mum she now does not want to talk to me anymore whoooo having it in writting please (sorry its just better that way) And now since the last holiday she wount be seeing her chldren until next sunday that will be three weeks without contact, she has gone back to the i will have the children one weekend a month, thats her choise so we are all used to it.
It can see how hurting the two young ones are that they dont see mum but there is nothing i can do to get her to see them more often its up to her to make the effort.
Home life is good were moving along nicely be better when the weather is dry we will be going out walking more.Kids school is going well the boys are bring home certificate for excellent work and effort and daughter is doing well with GSCE.
G/f and time spent is very good as well quality time well spent enjoying each other company.
Stuart xx
Hey stuart, thanks for the update, it sounds as though life is treating you kindly at the moment
We have just got to keep reassuring our children we are there for them and don't understand their other parents behaviour. It is a horrible lesson for them to learn, but as a friend once said to me, I can't fix or be that involved in my daughter and ex's relationship, that is one thing they have to figure out for themselves, all we can do is be there to pick up the pieces.
May the sun keep shining on you throughout the week :)
Hello ladies And Gents
Just letting you know i am still here not been on for a while as laptop is away being repaired.
Been a busy boy with work and family life ( dads taxi with daughter visiting six form colleges and football games with son) Fitting in quality time with g/f and thank god no contact with ex as she now refuses to talk to me even about contact with children which i think is childish and wrong but hey there you go did i expect anything different.
Taking daughter to see scouting for girls at the MEN on saturday for her birth day OMG shes 16 next month where has my life gone hahahahaha??
Hope everyone is fine having fun rain or shine hang on in there it does get better.
Stuart xxx
Hey stranger, glad to see you back online :)
Glad to hear that all is well and that you are managing to do all your duties as well as fit in quality time for yourself! Shame to hear that your ex has gone quiet, although it sounds as though are coping well with the silence.....
Taking your daughter to a concert! Brilliant! My daughter is going to her first on Friday, she is going to see Eliza Doolittle.
Has your daughter chosen her 6th form now?
Good luck with the colleges.
My older two saw Scouting for Girls at the Radio One Big Weekend last year and they were fabulous (as was the whole day...)
Hello stuart, nice to see you, you have been busy with all the dad's taxi stuff.
Hope your daughter has an excellent time at the concert!
Have you got your laptop back yet?
Hi Stuart
Glad things are going OK, you are right, there is plenty of juggling to do with everyone to think of.
How is work going?
You could post a pic on our Family Quilt of your outing!