Morning all,
Im feeling very sorry for myself as am not well at all...in agony with my throat, today seems to have eased slightly. Got a teen permanently glued to his computer game but not got the energy to tell him off...had to write notes yesterday as I could hardly speak! apparently i sound like a dalek lol
In reply to stuart re money at christmas I agree it is tough this time of year trying to make ends meet. Im having to cutdown a lot this year as thats just the way it is.
hope youre all well.
Speedbird x
Hi Speedbird. Hope you feel better soon. Lots of sore throats going around. Do the gargling with salt water, as well as tablets of course! Good idea about writing the notes, hehe. At least he can't say he didn't what you were saying, lol.
Hi Alison, Im dosing myself up with whatever I can! Googled loads of natural remedies and have gone through 3/4 jar honey as that seems to help..I am pretty much incapacitated as is really hit me for six, had sore throats before but this one throbs now and again and cant swallow much at all... son has to fend for himself...which is not a bad thing as he needs to be more independant!
Got zero sleep fri night as lying down made me cough but last night got some as I propped myself up with 3 pillows which seemed to do the trick...
Im new on these boards so dont really know much about members at the moment, pleased to meet you and thanks for replying. 
Hi speedbird
Oh poor you, that's rotten that you are poorly. Good idea about propping yourself up at night! The only thing that EVER helps me at all during coughs and colds and bad throats is Lem Sip Max. Of course it has paracetamol in it so you can't take both, and also I think the pharmacist said something to me about it not being suitable for people with high blood pressure, so do check with them before you take anything, I am not a doctor, more's the pity 
If your son is anything like mine, his favourite responses include "Uhhh" and "Dunno" so I think you could produce some laminated notices with those on and tell him those are his to use in response to your notices, hahaha. My son loves it when I impersonate him..."What time will you be home.....DUNNO"
Seriously, I do hope you feel better soon. It is hard when you are ill and there is no-one to look after you (not that my sons' father ever did anyway) so take it easy and let your son take a bit of the strain.
You will get to know different members as you go along, everyone is very friendly and welcoming and will enjoy you joining in.
Lol Louise that did make me smile!! that is exactly what mine is like too! so thank you for giving me a little lift. 
I have a few others to add to it. After asking initial question, long pause and then 'im doing it' (when he clearly isnt) and 'in a minute' is also a firm favourite with mine.
Ive quite often had to re introduce him to the bin, sink, and laundry basket at repeated occasions in case he has forgotten what to do with them..?!
How old is your son Louise?
Awww, I hope you get better quickly. I'm sleeping propped up on pillows and smothered in vicks still at the moment - and this started off as a nasty sore throat.
Hi all,
Poor Speedbird, looks like it is sore throats all round then, me and my youngest have colds at the moment, Speedbird have you tried sucking on some Icecubes? They certainly help to numb it a bit and help make swallowing easier and keep going with the honey it has good healing qualities. A visit to the doctor might be good to check there is no need for Anti-Biotics, Get well soon.
I have put some events up on here in different areas if you would like to check them out on the events section and the calender.
FAO Bubblegum: If you read this you may be interested in the event at The Guildhall in January for musicians I thought I read on here somewhere that you were a Guitar player?
Have a good Christmas everyone!
Hi Speedbird. That's a classic here too, 'i'm doing it', when C is quite clearly sitting on his bed watching tv. He is 8. I'm also getting quite a lot of 'I'm not your slave you know'. My comment back is, 'what do you think I had a child for', hehehe.
I'm guessing with your sore throat that you've checked for tonsilitis? So many germs going around, and yet, the cold weather is supposed to kill germs. Uhmmmm!!!
Word of warning, don't listen to Sparkling, she's as nutty as a fruit cake. She's been saying on 'daytime chat' forum that she's taking her dog out with antlers on We love her really
Hope you're feeling a bit better.
Oh no, lots of you are poorly, this won't do at all. Sparkling, I thought you were recovered. WSP hope you and your family soon feel better. Ice cubes...that is an interesting thought. Thanks for posting those events
Speedbird I haven't had the "I'm doing it" but I think that is partly because one of my favourite techniques is the "first...then" method, e.g. "First you need to SHOW me that you have everything ready for college, then you may have the laptop". But the "in a minute" oh yesm I get that all the time and can end up in setting ridiculous deadlines, which just stresses me out. He is 16 and is my youngest, I also have one of 21 who lives away from home at Uni. He is coming for a couple of days at Christmas.
Lol Alisoncam nothing wrong with being a bit nutty! I myself was curiously drawn to some stripy pet leg warmers in the shop the other day...and ive only got a cat!!
Sorry to hear youre not well too sparklinglime hope we both feel better soon.
Quite agree. Nutty works well
I'm feeling loads better, but have this awful cough still. I'm coughing listening to my daughter coughing, and she's listening to me!!
She is better, so I figure come Wednesday I'll be fine.
Hope you're feeling a bit better by now.
Hello louise
It dident help that we had been drinking and i am not the biggest drinker it wount happen again.
I suppose its the feeling each other out stage were in what we will take and not take.
But i was way out of line and acted out of character, like all single parents your juggling everything work home kids money sometimes you ask yourself have i got time to see someone, i carry everything and everyone wheres my time.
Will see on weds as were meeting up again and shes talking to me hope we can iron out the fall out.
Kids are fine there doing well at school and going to there mums every other weekend now.
Just wish sometime i had the time to slot someone in to my life but hey you live by the choices you make.
Stuart
Hi Stuart
Sounds like you have really thought through what happened, which is good and lets you get things into perspective. If you think about it, the book that some of us have read "Are you the one for me?" does encourage us to keep finding out more and more about the other person. it would be good if it were more straightforward like in the fairy tales though, wouldn't it?
Glad the kids are settled at the moment
Hello Louise
I know me and partner are good together and finding out about one another, just wish the things i do would be straight forward they never seam to be.
It just seams like two steps forward the three back every year after year, wheres my peace lol.
Hi stuart,
I hope you had a good yuletide?
Did you get anything sorted with the school or your children's mum about permission to take them out of school?
Are you enjoying the weekends you have to yourself? I hope you are making the most of the 'me' time you are able to have
I look forward to hearing how the children get on with the new person in your life.
Stuart, I've read your post in another section, and I'm so sorry that things are difficult at the mo.
I agree with Louise, I have to say.
Loads of hugs (if you 'do' hugs!) and take care.
You are such a brilliant parent.
Best wishes
Thanks Sparkling think were all great parents we do what we thinks best for are young one, some ones got to take the responcebillity of them, there no rule book to parenting we all do things slightly different.
Think the hardest work has to be done on me the damage done from the fall out of a devorce, having to get back my trust in people to be able to open up to someone new if someone i believe in comes along.
Stuart
Got up ran around to get ready for football and then found out its been cancelled thanks lol.
So done house work and dinner and helped daughter with revison, she doing gcse,s.
At least you are getting it all out of the way early then you might get your feet up!
Hi stuart, how is your daughter coping with the dreaded GCSE's? Is she panicking or is she taking it all in her stride and coping well?
Tell me, how do you help her revise??
Hello everyone
She aint the brightest kids at school and is struggling a little with fitting all the revison in the teachers telling her to revise for this and revise for that. I use her school books and extra revision books i purchased from school to ask her questions she reads the books then i test her on them.
The solicitors visit what a waste of time basically told to lets the kids mum do what she wants when she wants she will never change and that i must not fight back and stoup to her level be the adult all the time the good guy, grrrrrrr please someone tell me why i bother doing the best to give are kids the stabillity and life they deserve, i am fighting a losing battle the law is an sham i now know why dads dont fight for the right to raise there children the law is in the favour of the woman and it costs you a fortune.
A very very miffed off Stuart xxx
Hi stuart, it sounds as though you have the revision thing sorted. Does she enjoy that? Or does she get ratty or sulky with you?
You ask for someone to tell you why you bother doing the best to give the kids the stability and the life they deserve........but you know the answer....because that is what a real parent does. That is what parenting is all about.
I disagree that the law is in favour of the woman, i think realistically it tends to be in favour of the absent parent. I had very difficult times, but every time, the Court deemed it ok for an abusive agressive man to roll in and out of his daughters life as and when he wished, EVEN THOUGH they had originally set the fortnightly terms, which he adamantly wouldn't stick to, as he believed no-one had the right to tell him as and when he could see his child 
As the responsible parent, we do have to stay strong, stay above board, be the good guy, play the game, show our kids right from wrong and try and ignore bad behaviour from the other parent. Unless the children are in physical danger or strongly express unhappiness).
I think there are many single parents on these discussion boards who can empathise with your frustrations stuart.
So how are you going to unmiff yourself today??! Go for a long bicycle ride, shout at the top of your lungs at the edge of a cliff, write down all the things you would like to say with no holding back, carry on as normal? I used to just squash it down and carry on as normal, but the resentment, frustration and injustice of it all builds up. so I would highly recommend some sort of release
Hello Anna
I believe that i have a long custody battle coming up the mum wants the children to live with her now she is settled.I can not afford a solicitor and can not get legal aid.
The children are settled they have school, friends are happy and we have built a life over the three years and now it could all be taken away this is so unfair, we could lose everything my kids my home and my job.
I am so afraid of losing it all and not having the choice to raise my children.
Hi stuart
Your children are now of the age when their opinions would be consulted as to where they wanted to live...and I think we know what the answer would be. I understand that it all feels very unsettling though.
Maybe it might be a good idea to let the school be the "baddie" and say they can't come out of school???
Hi Stuart, thinking of you. Like Louise says, the children are old enough to decide, and I'm sure they would choose you, as you're the one who has always been there for them. Have you spoken to them about it?
Hello Ladies
No i havent told them and i dont know how to go about bringing it up as i dont want to be aquised of brain washing them, how do you bring it up.
I just know there mums going to make S**t up but in a way i want this then its over once and for all.
I dont see how its in the best interests of the children to remove them from a settled routine and home, school life just cause you miss your kids.
Yes I agree it is a difficult subject to bring up and not one to do lightly. You need to wait till there is a chance for you all to be together and say something like "we have been living together for three years now and I wondered if you all felt settled into this new life" and let them chat a bit and give their views and you could say "It is possible that at some time you will be asked by the courts whether you would rather live here with me or with your mum and the reason I am mentioning it is to give you chance to think about that." Let them ask any questions they want but it is quite important to stay calm while you say it.
As you say, in one sense it is good to get it over and done with.
Hello all
Yes i have spoken to the childrens mum the reason she wants them is that weekends and holiday aint enough (what it takes you 3 years to realise that ?????? what a load of rubbish)
I have forced her hand i can not go through life having the threats of custody everytime we fall out or she dont get her own way so if she dont do it i am going to see if i can do it and put the matter to bed.
Shes moved on re-married and new home, me and the kids have got through the hurt pain and rebuilt are lives and then she want to take it all away over my dead body.
She walked out and left them in my care said in court she dident want them full time and 3 years later change your mind dont think so love.
Now if the children said they wanted to live with mum thats a different matter i would respect there wishs.
This woman carnt even cope with them when there ill i get a phone call can you come pick them up they want you and home, believe i have a very very strong case.
Stuart
That's the thing though. The non-resident parent can walk in and start to cause waves when they choose.
However, this has been the status quo for three years now, and as they're settled and have their school and friends close by, she will find it difficult to change things.
They'll have a big say really with things too, in view of their age.
It is horrid, and upsetting.
I'm just sorry you're facing this.
Hello Sparkling
It fine its got to be done i can not have a proper life or move on with this monkey on my back.
She mybe scared that the new woman in my life is getting serious and shes threated i dont know and frankly dont care, ex txt me today saying she dont want to talk to me any more as she has other things going on in her life and she stressed out,why tell me like i am interested is she trying to make me feel sorry for her, i dont have one ounce of care in my body for this woman she ruined mine and her kids life for her selfish needs and then want sympathy get real.
The children are the only thing that matters and there stabillity and up bringing and i will sell my soul to see it through.
Try not to get too stressed (difficult, I know) as you really do have a very strong case.
You also need not to give her any ammunition by making any difficulties about contact (I agree they should not be pulled out of school, I meant normal contact) but from what you say, you do not anyway, it is her that changes arrangements. If she is that bothered, she has the option of moving nearby so she can see them more......
It sounds as if this is more about her and what she wants, rather than thinking about what is best for the children, and that will come across in any case she makes out.
I do understand.
Hello Louise
Yes i have been told by my solicitor not to worry till i get a court date and with the children being settled and the length of time they have spent here its highly unlikely they would want to move them.
Went out drinking round Manchester last night with friends who i havent seen for well over 15years was such a good night was good to let my hair down and relax.
Glad you had a night off, Stuart. Good to catch up with old friends as well, you could do it again soon?
Good Afternoon
Just a bit of advice when the children came home from weekend at mums for the first few hours they we all very cheeky and rude had a little bit of an attitude, its happens every time they return.
Things have settled now and they are back in the swing of things.
Mine used to be a bit disruptive and as you say sort of cheeky with a bit of an attitude when they would come back from contact sessions, I just used to ignore it, not respond to it and they'd settle down by the time we got home.
HI Stuart
You could just ignore it as Bubblegum suggests, it depends on how long it goes on for, and how severe it is.
Another idea would be to discuss it in a family meeting, at a time when they haven't just got back from their Mum's. You could say something like "I have noticed that when you get back from your Mum's your behaviour is different for a few hours/ a day/ whatever. Have you noticed that yourselves? " get them to explain how they feel during that transition time and you should be able to work out a way forward together
Same here. I would point out that there were different rules at their father's home to ours, and while they were with me my rules applied.
It didn't make much difference though! I used to conclude it was just adjusting time they needed, as it couldn't have been easy for them. Especially with the long and emotional farewell's they could be subjected to.
Hi Stuart
Oh I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it is such a painful thing to have to go through.
Do try and keep communication as open as possible with the children, have those little conversations around the dinner table, get them talking about transistions, there is nothing to hide, they might need to express that they like the idea of living with mum, but actually don't want to as 'home' is wherever you are.
My daughter used to go through the transition after her fornight visits, arrggh, it used to be so annoying and frustrating, because more often than not, you are the only one that sees it 
You have some good friends on here and we WILL support you over the coming months/years (!) going through the Courts is a harrowing experience.
Hello Anna
I have been prepared for this day and the thought of dragging the kids through court as i know what there mum is like and when she was settled she would want them to be with her not for them but for her and to take away everything i have.She has a supportive partner who she has problely lied to and made up stories about me to him as me and her new partner dont speak to each other.
And this custody threat seams to rear its ugly head when i start to get on my feet and in the process of building a serious relationship with someone and there getting near the time to meet my children,i am along way off living with someone happy buliding a friendship with new lady and trusting and respecting each other as she to has a interfering ex partner who has relised he had made a mistake and would love to try again with his ex, so i am treading carefully cause i dont want to get involed with fighting for a womans affection been there b4.
Stuart
Stuart, this is what happens, sadly.
And somehow, ranting on here will help, but try not to let it cloud the time you have with the children.
Your children - like mine - are old enough to make choices now. In my case, I know The Git will do just enough to keep me on edge, while having a wonderlful life without them.
Really, she'll be wasting a lot of money to take the matter to Court in view of their ages.
It's a way of life.
And the reason that I know things get easier for me come March...
Sending lots of strength your way Stuart. Your children are settled, and to be uprooted would be devastating all round. Keep your chin up.
Hi stuart, I suppose knowing this day would come is better than it coming out of the blue, however it is not easy and I don't wish it on anyone.
It is completely understandable that the mother of your children wants to have them with her, I wonder if you can build relations with her new partner? Either to give you peace of mind that he is an ok person, ensure he sees the reality of who you are and what you do for the children and also to learn more about the environment that it has been suggested the children move to.
New relationships, what a quagmire! Even though your new partner has an ex who wants to get back with her, I am wondering why this is affecting your relationship? Is she not sure what she wants? Or is he causing trouble? She needs to deal with this outside of your relationship, as actually it has nothing to do with you, you don't need to be dragged into it.
I know we should be there to support our partners, but if it is right at the beginning of the relationship then we need to question what role we are playing for our new relationship. Are we an agony aunt (uncle)?, are we carer?, parent role or friend and confidante?
You have been through a lot and have a difficult journey ahead, you need as much stability and support that you can.
Hello Anna
My exs new parnter seams like a nice guy and i have no problems with him spending time with the children he treats my kids well and they like him, theres no problem there i choose not to want to build anything with him i feel sorry for him cause i know that he now is living with the lies he will learn maybe one day, i know my ex inside out and she will lie through her teeth to save her own skin and has always got her own way no one has ever said no to her until now and she dont like it so the moods and sulks and threats come out.
My life is so much better as it is i have a car i would never of had a phone i would never of had my own home and peace of mind knowing where the money goes.
The money is spent first on the kids then me, like women on here family life was controlled by my partner and i enjoy now being independent.
I have faced lots of difficult times all my life so i am ready for the next one what every life throws at me.
I know i am a great father an good gentleman and stand by my morles and beliefs.
Stuart
Great to hear you acknowledge your attributes stuart.
Don't you forget them, as hopefully this will help you through the next few months and don't worry if you do, we will be here to remind you
Your ex's new partner will soon find out in his own time.....I guess.
Independence rocks!
Any news on Court dates etc?
Hello Anna
How are you and how was the day out with louise in york was it a success.
No court dates as yet fingers crossed hope it was another idle threat will have to wait and see.
Had a good weekend took children out to brock bottom nature trail,spent time with g/f and gutted my house its all spick and span now lol for how long who knows ????
Stuart
Hi Stuart
Glad you had such a productive weekend. I predict the house will stay spick and span for........ten minutes, lol.
Anna and I had a very productive meeting with some of the members on Friday, thanks
Yes fingers crossed that it will not come to court.
Hi stuart
As Louise said, our day in York was excellent, it is always good to meet users of One Space.
I have just had a look at Brock Bottom nature trail, it looks absolutely gorgeous, how was the weather?
Well done for doing the house clearing/cleaning, it is so refreshing, for the short time it stays that way!
I didn't realise that it was a threat to take you to court, not a reality, even though I do understand that the threat is enough to throw you off balance a little while.
Hows it going with the girlfriend?
Hello Anna and the rest of you lovely people.
The weather was cold and frosty but we had a lovely time will try and add some pic to the picture gallery.
The relationship with the g/f is going very well thanks, she is lovely we are just taking time to get to know one another, as u know we both work full time have kids and just very busy buliding up the trust between both of us, we have spoken about how we feel and just enjoy building before children are introduce as we dont want other partners to flit in and out of there lives.
I find it exciting but very difficult as i have pressure from ex the teenage years and the responsebillity of running the house hold and working to,like many parents on here it is a juggling act.
It just feels like i have to be on top form with the children as there mum is like a hawk waiting to stick her nose in. Its ok for her she took the chance to run off into the sunset and start again as i dont have that luxuary have to take things slowly and think about not just me but my children.
Stuart
Hi stuart
At first I misread that and thought you were saying juggle balls, I thought you had taken on a second job as an entertainer there!
How is your weekend going?
Have a look at our Avoiding stress at Christmas article