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Hi Stuart
What a ***. I put the stars in...
The Git did this to my lot. It upset them, broke their hearts and made them so angry. My oldest was 15, and it all had a massive effect on him (he's now 18).
If The Git had a whiff of me going out, there would be a very last minute cancellation.
My brother-in-law came up with a new contact schedule, which was basically cancel all contact (as he was only cancelling it anyway) that he had wanted, and for him to give 24 hours notice of when he feels he can see them.
Personally - and this is just how I see it. She is not playing ball and is choosing not to be a responsible parent. The choice you have, however, is a hard one.
You could choose to cancel the contact altogether, telling her that an overnight trip is far too much for the children to cope with, and maybe restrict contact to holidays. Maybe tell her the only way she can see the children is for her to take them out for the day locally and withdraw overnight contact.
Ridiculous way to treat the children. How dare she?? No thought or consideration for how it effects them mentally, as she won't see the fallout - you have to deal with that.
Personally - and again, I know its hard as there is no time out - tell her where to go. Friday through to Sunday or nothing. Let her take you to Court and there you can argue the point with a judge.
I was so wanting The Git to take me to Court, but he never did.
The saddest comment from my oldest son when he and my daughter (two years younger than him) said they wanted to change the contact to 24 hours notice, was that "Dad might not want to see us at all" I said it could be that he would see them more... Sadly, my son was right.
My children, however, are happy and settled (still blips) to the extent that teachers and the headmaster came out of school to tell me how happy they were.
The Git, just as the mother of your children has done, has chosen a new life. They just can't prioritise things.
Sorry to go on so much. I'm sure Louise won't be surprised!! ;-D
It's tiring not having a break - but I am home most of the time, working very part time, but settled and non-angry children make life a hundred times easier.
Thanks, sparkling, I knew you could put your unique persepctive on this one:-)
Stuart, I am thinking that you should be guided by your childrens' wishes as much as your (justifiable) amazement that she is doing this. Having said that, be sure your children are telling you the truth. Not that I am saying your children tell lies! I mean that all children will sometimes seek to protect their beloved parent (you!) by saying what THEY THINK you want to hear. So a helpful approach for you might be to stress that you are happy whatever views they express, that it is fine to love their mum and want to see more of her and it is also fine to be angry with their mum for doing this. It does sound as if you have a really close relationship with them though and that you will work this through together.
Thanks Ladies for your views and advise.
There has never been any problem with mum seeing children and them wanting to spend time with them aslong as it fits in with her new life.
If they wish to got and visit or phone there mum theres no problem there,never deny there relationship.It just there time has to revole around when she can fit them in or when her partner can bring her.
She use to get the train and get her parents to drop them off there but now her own parents dont have anything to do with her as she wanted her dad to give her away at her wedding they said he couldent do it as he didient want to pretent to be happy for her as they dont agree with the way she left and left her children, so she wished her dad dead and her bf said he was a rubbish father so theres ill feeling there to,i believe she knows how to play the games very well and gets everyelse to run around after her and if she dont get her own way she dont care who she hurts.
We have been through the whole court thing and arranged a court order its cost money an the mum never sticks to them anyway. We try to be amicable parents but its difficult. You have on one hand the struggling father with the day to day routine which i love againt the mum spending bf money on them to try turn there heads.
But when the kids need the stability and are ill they want there dad that must be a killer to there mum,but there again she has never been maternal.
We are now i see two different people shes selfish and matrerial where i am careing and parental.
The children have there say on what they want to do with time spent with mum and even if i dont agree i leave it up to them to chose what they want to do.
I know i did the right thing by keeping them in there home and school and givin them stability there school work has improved and home life is much better.
Stuart (riding on the crest of a wave)
Hi Stuart. Don't apologise for the moan, just go right ahead with all the moaning, ranting etc that you want and need to do!!!
Could you perhaps tell your ex that you already have plans for that weekend? Do the kids know about the changes from the Fridays to the Saturdays? How do they feel about it?
Hope you and the children are keeping well. Did you get a bbq in at the weekend?
Take care
Alison
x
Hi alison hope you are well.
Yes i have told the ex i have plans and she dont care its all about what is best for her i knew it but thats the way it goes,get used to it now.
I could be a right git and dump the kids at her m8s and say its your time to be with them but it would upset the kids.
The children arent really bother as far as i can see,they havent said anything they just go cause they have to i think till there old enough to say they dont want to go.
Yer had a great weekend had a bbq on friday and saturday had a water fight and watched blackpool make it to the premiership. Took the kids to a picnic area in garstang on sunday with the dog was a great day.
What about you and your son hunnie you have a eventful weekend.
Stuart (smiling on the other side of his face)
Hi Stuart. Sounds like you all had a fun weekend. Doesn't look too good weather wise for this weekend does it? I got the pool out for my son, and he loved every minute of it. Didn't do a bbq though :(
Its good that your kids don't seem too bothered about seeing their Mum or having their arrangements changed. It could have turned out very differently, and you could have had an uproar on your hands!!! You are doing a brilliant job of how you're raising them.
Take care
Alison
x
Hello stuart
How are you doing? What are your plans for the weekend? it's very drizzly here and so it looks like indoors today. My son finished school yesterday, apart from popping in for xams, that is.
Hi Stuart. Hope you are enjoying the Bank Holiday. Weather not brilliant is it? What have you been up too, anything exciting? I'm looking forward to having lots of lie-ins, (wishful thinking maybe)!! Not having to rush in the mornings is also an enjoyable thought. A nice easy week. Hope yours is the same.
Take care
Alison
x
Hello louise and Alison
I am very well thankyou and had a great weekend, been on a date at the weekend an it went really well we both have said we would like to arrange another one in the future.
Went bowling and an a night out on the town was very much needed and welcomed.
The children have gone to mums for the half term so now i have a week to myself in the evenings to just relax and recharge the batteries.
What about you young ladies how did you spend your bank holiday weekend.
Stuart(taking one small step for mankind lol)
Hi Stuart
Glad your date went well. Hope you get a chance to relax for a few days if the children have gone to their Mum's.
I did some spring-cleaning over Bank Holiday! and also met up with a friend I have not seen for six months, she lives about two hours drive away so we meet up in the middle. Got a giant fan from Argos before the days get too hot as well :-)
When do you think you might meet up with your date again? is it quite difficult to arrange if she has children too?
Hi Stuart. So pleased you're getting some 'me' time. It's lovely also for the kids to spend time with their Mum. So, a date huh? How exciting for you. Both wanting to meet again, thats even better. Will keep my fingers firmly crossed for you :) Sounds like you both had a good time.
My Bank holiday was very quiet. Just my son and I. Had some friends here on Friday, and an ex popped in on Saturday. Have to say I did welcome the peace though. Have been on the playstation today (simpsons). Its a racing one, and my son loves me playing it. Can't drive in real life, and can't drive on this game either haha.
I hope you have a good, relaxing week.
Take care
Alison
x
Morning Ladies and Guys
How are you all you all enjoying the lovely weather.
Yes had a great time on my date and we will arange another date taking things day by day learning about each other.
Shes a little younger than me an not had much experience of having a gentleman taking her out LOL.
Yes relaxing while children are not here but it way to quiet no one to play with and have things to do with them and the banter the house has with them in it.
Awwwwww alison you big kid playing games takes you back to ya younger day i bet i still love to play ps3 with kids they love trying to beat dad.
Glad you all enjoyed your bank holiday weekend.
Stuart(Moving on and upwards whooo hooo)
Hi stuart, I have been away, but just catching up on messages and saw.. your daughter has a boyfriend!!
Awww, how is she? how is he? Have you seen a picutre of him? I imagine she will be a little annoyed with her mum if contact is cut shorter as she won't get to see him much. Do they speak on the phone? So many questions. I completely get what you say about 15 year old boys, but hopefully your girl will be screwed on enough, having you as her dad, to know when she wants to say No and that it is ok to say No!
Half term is over, the children are back in the house, did they have a good time with their mum?
Morning Anna
Yer they had a nice time at mums they dont really say much about it when they return home.
Yer and the boyfriend he seems like a nice lad she has known him for about 2 years and she is a sensible girl glad she talks to me about these things.
Just want her to do well at school and get a good job or career and not fall into the trap of having children to young.
Would love her to be able to be independant, seeing as myself and her mother have different views on how to live and work in life where i love to work for what i have and her mother relise on others to work for her see my point.
Had two dates so far with the young lady i have met good the dateing thing is sooooooooooooo new to me like a jungle out there lol.
How was your holiday anna you relax lots an lots.
Stuart (keep on moving )
Hi stuart I had a verrrry relaxing break thank you!
How exciting about these dates! Has anyone mentioned to you yet the book 'Are you the one for me' by Barbara de Angelis. VERY interesting read, for men and women, lots of insightful information about ourselves and the people we choose to date and why!
Dating is a time to make friends and get to know people, not a prerequisite to being together for the rest of your life! Thinking of it this way takes a lot of pressure off!
Let me know if you have a look at that book! :)
Its Friday and the sun is out, how happy am I! :)
Glad you had a nice holiday Anna.
Is it BBQ time tonight, Stuart? I am going to a BBQ party this evening, at a neighbour's house. In this street there is a group of about eight households that all get to go to each others' parties, which is pretty fab. The one tonight is being thrown in honour of their daughter's 21st. My eldest is working but my youngest is coming along.
Your street sounds so lovely Louise. Having get togethers and stuff. Really envious. Most of my neighbours are elderly, and the others seem to keep themselves to themselves. Boring bunch!!! Have a lovely evening, lots of vino and food.
Hope everyone enjoys the weekend.
It's really only through all the children growing up together. I have lived here 20 years. When my ex-husband was trying to kick the door down some years ago now, it was very helpful that a neighbour rushed over and told him that the police were on their way. That's the reason I have never moved away, because of the neighbours.
Do you feel better this morning, alisoncam? How did the assembly go?
Hi anna
Yes i have purchased that book today going to read it and take it on board what it say as i am finding this dating game a massive challange.
I know i am a good man but just seam to attract the wrong type of woman i must have mug written on my head.
Oh I am thrilled that you bought the book, I think bubblegum did too. Please let me know what you think. I found it sooo insightful and I hope you do too :)
You mention that you just seem to attract the wrong type of woman.... are you recognising problems with the woman you were dating??
Hi anna
Yes i will let you know how i find the book.
As for the women i attract yer they all seam to of had real bad exs and dont or carnt believe i am how i am.
Yes i love to date only one at a time i dont do the playing mind games bit.
And i know theres lots of men an woman who like to play tyhe field to .
Just be nice to talk things slow get to know a woman to many people rush in, find the qualitys in each other that make a sound base for a lasting relationship.
I carnt and dont want to rush in on the intial attraction and good feeling a new date brings.
Stuart playing mr sensible as allways lol over an out.
Morning all
How is everyone doing, hope everything is running smoothly for you all.
Just a little catch up on whats been happening in the crazy world of the B household.
My daughtrer and her b/f are no longer a item (my that diddent last long they live to far apart so they are now just friends again).
The dates with the girl were going really well then this weekend we were supposed to be having another one but she changed her mind told me she needs some space and time to think, as shes fond of me but shes just come out of a ltr and dosent want to commit to anything. Thing is i aint asked her to just to be friends build the friendship and spend a little time together. She said she confused so think its best i steer clear as i aint in to the games thing string you along omg why carnt i just find a upfront kind of girl who says it how it is.
Yer i know shes scared aint we all but theres no rush if two people are into each other whats the rush.
Went to my brothers in manchester for the weekend had a great time spent saturday night sat outside drinking and having a laugh, with his g/f and two of her single mother m8s.They wanted to know all about me then when i told them they asked me out lol but i refused not interested.
Hope everyone is doing fine.
Stuart
Ah... Now you see after the b/f (now friend), I feel I attract the same type of character. I've had three "serious" boyfriends, (married the middle one!), and to be honest, they all seem to have the same issues that I find I now can't deal with.
Definitely happily single.
It's interesting, isn't it, when we recognise the same patterns in our relationships?
Glad you had a good weekend Stuart and you're righjt not to get into any game-playing, the book will help you think about the qualities you might want in a partner.
Are you relieved about your daughter's boyfriend, Stuart? Is she feeling Ok about it herself?
Hi stuart, its great to read that your daughter is still friends with her ex boyfriend.
I think you got the right idea, steering clear of your date while she has a think. Maybe it is her way of saying she isn't as interested as initially thought. Not as straight up as someone else might say it, but it is a hard thing to say all the same.
So you meet some other single mums, who asked you out, why did you say no and not give them a chance?
Hello anna how are you hunnie and what wonderful things you been upto.
My date has been treated bad in the past and its early days for her which i understand so i have told her to take time to heal and sort her feelings and emotions out i can still be her friend and support her. As i know i have been there i know how there are a million an one things going round in your head.
She has said she would still like to see me and date in the future when shes sorted,only time will tell.
The other women were not my type and one of them has two men on the go so not really my cup of tea. Wasent attracted to them i am sorry but a bit choosy and careful who i like to spend my time with happy being single and find the right type of people to get along with.
My daughter is fine she happy and still the same funny untidy teenager, they went to see britains got talent at the weekend with her brothers.
My youngest lad had his footy presentation night on sunday he got a medal and a trophy for being the most inproved player of the season well chuffed for him makes me soooooooooo proud of him.
Like all of us on here we have made mistakes and can not control what are ex partners do, feel lets down by the people we trust the most and when your doing it alone it does make you more weary of opening up and letting someone else in.
Stuart (anyone see the light at the end of the tunnel lol.)
Hi stuart
I have been up to the usual, thank you for asking! Working generally! Sneaking outside for a taste of this beautiful weather. Had a BBQ with some friends at the weekend in our back garden which was a lot of fun, we don't have a swimming pool, but I do have a paddling pool, so much fun was had with that, until my dog got in a peed in it!! ha ha!
Glad to hear your daughter's well and that your son has been recognised for all his hard work!
Sounds like you have been a gentleman and stepped away while the lady sorts her head out. Its great when you get down to being happy single, it is like a weight off. So many people are rushing around trying to meet 'the one' that they miss the enjoyment of life along the way.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, the trick is to recognise all that is good right here and right now.
How are you getting on with that book??
Afternoon anna
Yes i got the book in the post yesterday and had a flick through it then began reading it last night very enlightening indeed.
Think i am going to enjoy it very much and take it in as much as i can.
Good good! Enjoy!
Morning all
Just been informed that my daughter has been awarded the student of the year award in school whoooooooooooooo.
Just makes me soooooo proud to think that since the split from mum my daughter has had a poem published in a national book and a award for it and has student of the year award, all are children are doing far better at school and my little lad has grown at footy and is recieving many awards for it.
I have tried to install a yes i can do it attitude into them and not to give up at the first hurdle, dont take the easy route but try harder and you will suceed.
Stuart ( the proudest father in the world :) )
And you deserve to be a proud dad! Well done to your daughter! isn't it fantastic when they achieve things and you know, you just know that it is you that has helped them get that far.
They are lucky children to have such fab support from their dad. HOORAY for you!
Hey congratulations stuart!
What a budding bunch you have! You must be close to bursting this week! I hope that you get a chance to celebrate how well you are all doing, as a family and individually - you all deserve it! :)
Morning ladies and gents.
Thanks for your warm congratulations and yes i am well proud of my children doing well its taken a lot of tears and ajusting to get where we are today.
Couldent ask for better behaved children after what we have been through they could of gone off the rails but we stuck together and i think i have guided them well.
What plans have you guys got coming up and a BIG hello to helen T.
Stuart(flying with out wings lol)
Hi stuart
My daughter is doing her Duke of Edinburgh REAL hike (rather than the parctice one a couple of weeks ago) this weekend, so I have the weekend FREEEEEE!
Dont have plans, I am looking forward to some me time and pottering around the house.
Do we know what the weather is going to be like?
Do you have any plans, summer hols fast approaching and all!
Morning Anna
Ohhhhhh a free weekend to pamper yourself lucky lucky you.
The summer holiday i am on holiday for the first 3 weeks taking the children on holiday to north wales, then the last three weeks the children are going to there mums there they are going on holiday to and there mums wedding.
Hope the weather is fine as you never know might be bbq time lol.
Stuart
Just one thing i want to ask you though your thoughts on, one of the reasons i think my ex left was because the man shes with now has more money career wise than me i feel like well how can i put it less of a man not being able to have my own business as we both decieded after working continental shifts i would get a 9-5 job to spend more time at home.
Now i have been to college and pasted a pc maintenace course and want to learn more for my future career change when my children grow up.
Hi Stuart
Well everyone has different values but I am sure that most people would rather have a loyal, loving partner who was a fab dad and had his priorities right, rather than one who was loaded with money but lacked these qualities. You have been there for your kids and they have benefited enormously as we have seen on this very page, and you are also looking to the future with your course. WELL DONE is what I say!
Hi stuart
Funny I was having a discussion about this yesterday. I asked my brother the other day what was the most important thing in his life, he said money.... I was really upset, I said what about family.....love......safety......support and he said of course he wants all of these things but ultimately money comes first and foremost.
Then in the conversation yesterday I was relaying this info to a friend and they said their sister was the same, but the thing is they truly believe that we are lying when we say family, love etc, we only do it because we are not loaded and therefore make the most of what we have got. How wrong they are!
So anyway Louise says it all, you have been a consistent, inspiring, caring dad and to those who think that is important, you are at the top of your game :)
Afternoon ladies thanks for your kind work :).
Yer to many people money is every thing, and yes it helps but id rather have my children and watch then grow than any amount of money anyday.
I have had well paid jobs and low paid jobs but sticking together through thick and thin and having a supportive family somehow wins every time.
Enjoying the read Anna very interesting and so true, making me think lots and why people go for different people to love.
I have always been a firm believer in that a relationship does need conversation,common interests and that two people should still be allowed there own space.
Took the children swimming yesterday and what did you ladies get up to at the weekend.
Stuart
Hi Stuart
Glad you have enjoyed the book:-) People do indeed need their own space and then they have something to bring to each other in the way of news and conversation. I am sure that being together 24/7 must be difficult. One thing the book makes you think about is your own values and therefore what values you would like in a partner. Sounds like you are pretty sure of your own values, Stuart.
I have been swimming today, and really loved it. Are you a good swimmer or do you not get chance if you take the children? My eldest has gone back to his student house, it is in the next town so not far away. He is almost 21! I will miss him, although ironically I did spring-clean his little bedroom this afternoon as I am getting a new storage bed-base for the youngest boy so I wanted to clean the little room before transferring the youngest's old bed base there.
There's always something, isn't there?
Hi louise hows the week going.
Yes the book is making me think long and hard about partner choice an repeat mistakes that i keep doing. I have alway been the strong carrying type and have found it hard to fine that match in a woman.
Yes i am not a bad swimmer its very relaxing but dont get to do much when there tig and handstands to play lol.
Ah, tig and handstands! I go to the early morning session these days and everyone is a bit sedate for that, lol, as well as a bit old.
Ok so you say you are the strong type, maybe you have tended to attract people that want to lean on you. There's nothing wrong with that as long as it works both ways and they are there to support you too when you have troubles or things you need help with. One thing I have seen happen often in relationships is that one person is much stronger and then that person becomes ill, or loses their job or gets depressed. The other one just can't cope with this new vulnerability in their partner and jumps ship. But take heart, there are lots of strong women around!
My week is going Ok, just waiting for that new bed base to be delivered now..... How about your week?
Hi stuart
With all your children I imagine you can have great games in the pool! My daughter and I went not long ago, we were prancing around doing pirouettes in the water and then she got really severe cramp in her foot, so we both had to get out!
Weekend you ask! Blimey, it seems forever ago now, I had a relaxing one generally, this weekend is going to be busier, cleaning and have meeting to go on Sunday :(
I loved the book you are reading, it was a real eye opener, although I do have to be honest here, I never finished it! You have inspired me to get to the end. I think it is invaluable information and a sure way to a healthier relationship.
There are many fish in the sea, plenty to go round. :) It is interesting though as we do tend to go for the same sort of person, however much we won't admit that to ourselves. :)
It is time to start looking at other people. On one programme that I run, we talk about looking at the people that we come across day to day that we may not even consider as life partners. Many participants turn their noses up at that and prefer to go with good looks or good bank accounts, however from my experience if you can see past all of that, maybe the person who works where you least expect, is the more decent, good, honest person???
Hello ladies and Gents hope your all well.
Yes the book is a very enjoyable read and the part where she blind folds people and then get them to chat to people without you knowing what they look like was a excellent way of finding out about the inner person.
Had another great weekend quality time with the kids and a bit of time for myself.
Daughter starts her first day of works experience today awwww working without getting paid for it lol.
What has everyone else been up to spill the beans.
Stuart (lifes for living so live it lol.)
Hi Stuart
Glad you had a good weekend.
OOH work experience, what sort of work will she be doing? My son worked at a posh menswear shop where his big brother worked anyway!
As for me, I have been swimming, had an exciting trip to the tip, lol, shopping and also went to a counsellor quiet day where I fell asleep and woke myself up snoring! Well, the object of the day was relaxation so I guess it worked.
What are your plans for the week? and let us know how your daughter is getting on
Hi stuart
Glad to read that you are having good weekends with your children, they grow up so quickly, or time goes so fast, it is great if we are able to just stop in the moment and recognise the good times. :)
Do tell what work experience she is doing?? I hope that she gets lots out of it and isn't just used as a dogs body.
I hope you're daughter has a good week. My daughter had hers last year, and would love to get a summer job there now - it's just too far to take her in every day.
Hi sparklinglime, what did your daughter do? My daughter is desperately trying to find a job over the summer holidays as I am working for most of them, unfortunately as won't be 16 until November, she is having very little success. Its a shame how times have changed, I had a Saturday job from 14 years old.
Hello ladies how are you all.
My daughter is working in the local fitness centre as she is into all that sport and fitness and is doing the lessons at school she is really enjoying it.
Her auntie and nana work in the local social club next door so shes going there for her dinner.
She will love that, Stuart! Also she has her lunch provided, lol.
Anna, my son is 16 at the end of August and no-one will give him work under 16 although he has applied for a few things. They can work in cafes etc before they are 16. He has a lot of experienc of washing up as he has a very strict mother (!) and is big and strong but I think that adults are taking up many of the part time jobs at the moment, it was on the radio yesterday that of all employed people, 37% work part time, which is the highest pecentage ever. Therefore there will be less work available for our teens.
Stuart, will your daughter want to go to college to study Sports Science or similar, do you think?
Hi Stuart
This is a two-pronged issue isn't it? Firstly your children may be hurt/confused/lose out by spending less time with their mum and that must make you feel angry on their behalf. Secondly you ARE entitled to some grown-up time! Do you think she is doing it on purpose? Sounds more like she just isn't thinking, to me.
So what can you do? You could get the children to write her a letter saying that they do not want their time cut short (if they don't). You could decide to put up with the situation and say nothing. You could decide to enhance your realtionship with your children still further by telling them how much you love them and will always will. You could also think about whether other family members could give a bit more of a hand so you can have a break, even say one night a week so you can get out and meet friends.
Sparkling lime will have some wise words to say to you, I am sure, as it is very much the situation she has been put in, herself.