This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hey Headfulloffog!
So glad your mammogram thing seemed to have gone ok-ish. I agree that it sounds positive. It's very frustrating (for staff, too!) that the radiographer is not really allowed to tell you stuff!
Good for you fighting that big battle with your daughter, too! Reading about her 'antics' makes me want to come over and give her a good shake.
To repeat what I've put here before: I think you are absolutely amazing!
xxxx
Hi Headfulloffog
How are you today? I think about you a lot even though we have not met in person. I have not experienced cancer myself but can only imagine how draining mentally and physically it must be for you. I wouldn't worry about crying - that to me seems natural and surely its good to release all the hurt and pain. My problem was I couldn't cry after my 3rd domestic violent man! I was just numb and in shock i guess. I finally built up the courage to speak with my GP about my few weeks of giving up on life so to speak. She was so nice and understanding and told me not to worry as no doubt the last experience triggered off other things in my past I havent had to deal with for a while.
Hey girl! That's what my 15 year old likes to say lol! Hey girl, you know what its time to get selfish is what I say. I have done my time of worrying about my daughters and believe me when you are weak or like my own experience of mental breakdown, they don't give a damn.
Do something for you! Lifes too short, start a new hobby or write list of what you want to do. Build yourself up and get strong. That's perhaps easy for me to say as I am not going through what you are but i did get knocked to my lowest point recently. And am back fighting ready for the next round.
I don't know if this is good or bad advice and may be Louise or Anna or more qualified to steer you in the right direction but you know what I would do in your situation. I would ease off, reverse psychology! Don't text your eldest finatically, its her responsibility to let you know she is late from work. Try and ease off and ignore more this will only be easier when you get yourself involved with a new interest or hobby.
Do the same strategy with the rent. If you can find a time when she doesnt scream at you! Just say, hey look I don't want to nag at you and yes it is hard to juggle things when you have a full time job but a standing order would make our lives easier. At the end of the day when she lives in the real world! Lol, she will have to set up direct debits and have far more bills to worry about then one payment of rent to her mum.
I hope this works for you Headfulloffog. I re read your posts and I remember when I totally withdrew and stayed in bed for 4 weeks or so, my daughters didn't notice I needed support! Hell no, they were more worried about me not going to work as there would be less money for blackberry curves or whatever else they are after.
Yes, am feeling really so much happier, I de-cluttered my loft forgot to wear a mask though coughed like a trooper! Yesterday tacked the under stairs cupboard! I have left with all of it all over the living room, did my girls help? Nah, my elder one is learning music with a keyboard i got for her and my 13 year old is too busy wiv her m8tes! But i feel so much better and it keeps you busy.
Miracles can happen! However, first you need to make changes and its not easy. Sticking to things and be firm, ignoring attention seeking antics and going against the grain of a loving caring mum, let her text you next time, be strong.
hello all - pleased that you decluttering still suzziesuze - seems to be making you feel good. ive done a bit more sorting in my bedroom today - and yes there was that grotty stage where it was all over the floor looking worse than when i started!! its tidy again now.
as you say, i have tried to pull back on my eldest - i rarely text her anyway but i am, as you say, going to leave it to her. the standing order would take a load of the pressure off though. she has spoken to me a few times this week - no more than a few sentences but small steps. i dont know if i did the right thing but i went to acknowledge what seemed to be effort on her part by saying "thankyou for trying this week" but it backfired and she told me to go away or words to that effect - hey ho
i really dont feel ready to go back to the job i was in - desperately unhappy there but scared to resign cos what would i live on?
i have thought about a new hobby but am very much i feel "waiting" again ....this time for the mammogram results.
i am in the house tonight without any of my friends for company - it may sound incredible but even over 2 years since my ex went i have done very few friday and saturday nights without company - some times ive even had to call a friend at 9.30pm cos i found it so painful - fridays and saturdays to me are just family time. anyway, it feels ok tonight - ive continued me decluttering and sat down with a packet of sweets for company. all three kids are in - i am upstairs - they are all downstairs with various friends/boyfriends. i have blocked out the feeling of being outnumbered and am trying not to be bothered by the fact that none of them will even give me the time of day when i venture downstairs. most definately "lonely in a crowd" but thankfully i am ok tonight which again feels like progress.
I think you have made LOADS of progress!
The thing about the waiting for results. I totally understand. However, now you have had cancer there are many years of appointments and tests ahead. I guess you have spent enough time sitting in hospital waiting rooms in the last year to write War and Peace! So how about thinking I am not putting any more of life on hold for "waiting"?
Let's face it, even if there was bad news from the mammogram, it would still be good to have a hobby and other pleasant things going on in your life. OR you could say "when I get good news about my mammogram, I will......" and make your plans 
hi there - yes perhaps i should be thinking more proactively. the mists are clearing and i can now see quite clearly that i really should not be entertaining going back to my existing workplace where i was bullied by my line manager in the period immediately following the split from my ex - this without a doubt contributed to the stress i was feeling. anyway i really do not think i should be even cconsidering going back so, i have to do something. i am really worried that ther benfits people will stiop paying me if i resign from my job. i should have resigned several minths ago shouldn't i if i was going to do so? anyway i will have ti deliberate on that one furhter. i really want and need a job.
on the results front - nothing as yet.
kids - well wait for this, my eldest asked me for my bank account details last night!!!!!!!!!! i just handed them over without dialogue and am waiting to see what transpires. Perhaps my "talk/ultimatum" last week did have some effect after all.
still decluttering to make myself feel better and i must be feeling a bit better in myself cos ive started to write myself lists of things to do again which i havent done throughout my treatment.
really feel as if i am benefitting from the counsellling that i am having. sooo glad i found it and also started the citalopram.
hope you all ok
Wow Headfulloffog, that talk certainly worked on your daughter. I would say OF COURSE it was down to the ultimatum you gave her. Well done. Why don't you e.mail the 1-2-1 advice service on this site? Give them all your details and I'm sure they'll be able to tell you everything you need to know. This is the link here
Hey Headfulloffog,
good for you on the daughter front! I was rooting for you!
With regards to your job: While my husband was ill (also cancer) the work people were really supportive and I had lots of time off for appointments etc and also they let me work from home quite a bit so I could look after him. However, when he died they asked me at the funeral (which was on a Friday), if I was coming back to work after the weekend! I took another week and went back and after another few months they said my performance wasn't up to scratch and I was to have a meeting with HR to see why (d'oh). That's when I went off sick with stress and insomnia. When word got to me that my immediate boss had said 'i don't know what her problem is, it's not like they were married for fifty years' I decided to resign.
I wrote my notice to the MD saying I had really thought hard about this and I was very grateful for their support thus far, but I needed more time and thought it was fairer to resign. The benefits people were no problem as the basis for my resignation was ill health - as I am sure it would be for yours.
Hope that helps! x
P.S.: Have I mentioned that you're fantastic??!!!
Woo hoo headfulloffog, your eldest asked for your bank details, that is great news! Well done you, yes it was difficult but hopeful fruitful in the end.
I know she didn't respond politely when you said 'thank you for trying this week' but well done.
Things are shifting for you, slowly and surely. Keep a positive mind, there are jobs out there and you may be surprised this time next year you might be doing something you never thought about. Have you been looking in the papers to see what is out there?
Have you done our Ways into Work course online? It helps you to look at your skills and what your dream job might be.
what a day today has been -first of all, i bumped into the sister of a lady i sat next to for my last chemo, only to be told that the lady had died and had suffered a lot(bc spread), i came home numb from that and immediatelty took a call from my bc nurse telling me that they want me to go in on thurday for a scan folllowing my mammogram as it has revelaed some thickening in my (non bc) boob which they think is benign but because of my history,, they want to check it out. . i am so scared and feel totally numb. i cant cope with all this again. ive told two of the kids - my poor poor kids - they dont deserve this. sadly, i can now see that their reaction is denial rather than them not loving me but it is a bad combination of their denial when coupled with my "need".
my younger daughter took the news of my recall and responded by telling me she felt sorry for her boyfriend mom today cos her legs hurt her and my son (surprisingly) just said dont worry and get on with it.
i did email the one to one support team re work but i have taken the bull by the horns this afternoon and phoned school i work at, spoken to the head and said, i dont know when i will be able to consider coming back to work, that i cant resign because i fear losing my benefits and asking if they could terminate my contract. if nothing else, todays new has spurred me on to think, life is too short and I know i should not be even considering going back to the horrid situation i was working in.
Hi Headfulloffog
I wish I could give you a big hug for support. Get as much help you can with this Please. I worked as a fundraiser for Cancer Research Uk as losing my dad 4 years ago to bowel cancer, he was diagnosed too late! My brother I lost too, he had lymphatic cancer and there was very little they could do as the lymphatic nodes run through out your whole body. Now my sister who is only 50 years old has brain cancer behind one of her eyes and she is going for her 11 hour operation in a few days time. I wanted to make people aware as it effects 1 in 4 people in this country. It was not an easy job as I had to knock on peoples' doors and infringe on their privacy and the shifts were awkward as I started sometimes at 2 pm and didnt get home til past 10 pm.
However, reflecting back I did make people aware and got people to donate to this valuable charity. Not many people know that they are responsible for over 50 per cent of treatments in the world and the charity has made vast improvements in particular to the survival rate of women with breast cancer. On the positive side, they have discovered it early and I pray it is benign. I have heard Macmillan offer brilliant support for any one going through this horrendous ordeal.
I am still de cluttering, really tiring! Just tackled the kitchen cupboards and still got all the stuff from my downstairs cupboard all over my living room. Reckon will be another week until I have sorted it, as I work part time I do it on my days off.
Had bad day yesterday! After working all day, both my teenage daughters were off with inset day. I had asked my older daughter in the morning to wash up, tidy and peg the washing out. Well got in at 7 pm as I work til 6 pm and like all working mums know you cram your shopping in after work. Jesus! No washing up done, the washing was on the line, and bath water left in. I was so tired as well, I didnt raise my voice but simply asked my 13 year old to empty the bath water. It was evident from the state of her room she had done nothing all day but bb her mates. My older daughter, I said why havent you washed up or done half the pots at least? I have been busy she said! Recording songs! Well I ended up screaming in an uncontrollable state! It took me over an hour to wash up and clean, I went upstairs and the bath was still full of water. Why have you not emptied the bath water I asked. Well I didnt need the toilet was the response. I just had to laugh at the situation! It was half 10 pm and she had given me some school trousers to alter, I just said no, wear some other ones I am tired!
I seriously think we parents should get free drugs for dealing with teenagers. How they can be so thoughtless, inconsiderate and lazy is beyond me! So my day of miracles was what a week a go and yesterday was a day of reality! Why do I have to get to a state of a screaming frenzied lunatic for them to tidy up I dont know.
After my ranting, the 13 year old put a bag of rubbish outside her door and emptied the bath water! Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
Hey Headfulloffog,
I am so sorry you didn't have such a good day! But at least they are doing the scan quite quick so you won't have another long long wait.
The problem with teenagers is that you don't really know what they actually think, and even if you pluck up the courage to ask they won't tell you most of the time.
Wish I could do something really really brilliant for you! Big hug, and know that you are fantastic! (Maybe you should tell yourself that? I prescribe it for you at least four hourly!) xxx
Thinking of you Headfulloffog.
xxxxx
cried lots tonight - will try to keep positive.
thanks hopeful n sparklinglime.
and suzziesuze too, sadly your family has had lots to deal with regarding cancer in recent years. it is truly horrid.
hope i can get some sleep tonight but not expecting to.
thinking of you too headfulloffog, be strong xxx
I think it is brilliant that they are investigating straightaway and you can get to the bottom of it. However it is very unlikely to be malignant after all your chemo. Not easy to tell yourself this though, especially in the small hours of the morning. Just stay focused and get through the next few days. You have made great headway with so many things.
Suzzisuze good luck to your sister for her op, sounds very worrying for all concerned.
the scan was clear - yipee tears of relief not saddness today.
at the hospital today sat in the wainting area for the scan - you know how it is usually quiet, well there was a girl who was "loud" not in an unpleasant way but she obviously didnt twig that i had had chemo etc (hair must be longer than i think!!good) and she was talking to another lady about cysts they had had etc (you sit there thinking i wish mine had "only" been a cyst and please stop) she kept on and on and then looked at me and asked why i was there. i told her and she went quiet. I went for my scan and my aunty had obviuosly filled them in whilst i was in the room and when i came out - i stuck my thumb up to my aunty - i couldnt speak- and the ladies all clapped and said they were pleased for me - how sweet is that?
two of the kids are not at school today - training day- so i called them from the hospital and they are so relieved. my daughter has said she is afraid to celebrate as she is frightened she willl jinx things and it will all go wrong again - i said "lets live for ther moment".
thank you everyone for your kind words.
Hooray! Woohoo, congratulations, lets live for the moment and have a party! What lovely news!
I bet your children are so relieved and very happy too!
Delighted to hear the news. Tears of relief indeed
That is fantastic news Headfulloffog, and I do hope you celebrate in some way tonight with the kids. Absolutely wonderful.
Thats great news headfulloffog i must say that i filled up reading your last post im so pleased for you i hope things will start getting better for you at home too so go on get celebrating you definately deserve it !!!!!!!!
trying hard, i'm so pleased you admitted to filling up when reading headfulloffog's post, now I can openly say I did too I was just soooo happy for you headfulloffog.
goodness i feel tired now - i will be pleased to sleep tonight. As to celebrations -well yes thanks, we have celebrated in our own way- the kids were helping at school tonight so tea was always going to be a rush so we enjoyed chips from the chippy together which was nice and lots of hugs - my eldest is away on a away day kind of thing from work, so i spoke to her on the phone.
Chips and hugs, just what the Dr ordered
I haven't read your thread before headfulloffog as I am quite new myself here...but I just wanted to say what a very courageous lady I think you are...
I wasn't even going to come on here at all today - am still cramming as much revision in as I can for exam tomorrow - but then I remembered your appointment, headfulloffog, and I had to check back! Fantastic news!!!
Glad you didn't have to go on your own to the appointment, too!
So it's good alround! Do celebrate, even if it's only the moment! And for the record: I don't believe in jinxes, so go for it!
Great big fat hug xxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I do hope you slept.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi headfulloffog, reading your congratulations, I feel like we have had a party! How was your eldest daughter when you told her? I hope she gave you some warm words?
thank you everyone - ive had a nice weekend - nothing momentous just shared a couple of bottles of wine with my friends and went to watch a play at the local youth theatre last night. kids with their dad - miss them but coping, just!
i wish i could say that my eldest offered warm words but she didnt - i just dont think she can do it. she has little or no empathy for anyone - never has. she was away when i found out on thursday and she was very distant on the phone when i told her - she dint say anything when she came home and it was left to me to say "good news eh?" to which she just said yes and carried on- ive not seen much of her this weekend as usual. it is two weeks since i gave her the ultimatum and i thjink there has been a microscopic change in her attitude but it still "stinks" and she says that she has "used" my bank account details - we will see. she still doing next to nothing in the house but then neither are the other two. i still havent got the energy to go in to battle with them and dont want the conflict so i just get on and do it myslef. i did put a bowl of washing up in the eldest ones bedroom as she had piled it all over the work surface instead of emptying the dishwasher and putting it in there, and left it all for me.....i kmow i issued the ultimatum of find somewhere else to live unless she sorted out standing order, changed attitude, spoke to my doctor for him to talk about effects of cancer and, took counselling for herself and told me if she was coming home each day. it seeems that i may have some success with standing order and she has not been quite so obnoxious (though still unpleasant), but how can i enforce her going to counselling? or make her go to the doctors with me? - i can't
feel as if we are entering a new chapter - the boyfriend of my younger daughter has moved away to uni today - she has another year at school- she is worried by him going -whatever i say or do to help her will invariably be wrong but i want to support her in whatever way possible whether relationship survives the split or not - they are used to seeing each other every day.
Hi headfulloffog
Glad you have done some nice things over the weekend
As for the chores it is up to you. If you "just get on and do it myself" then of course they will let you. Whilst you cannot physically drag your daughter to the doctor it is all about putting in consequences of her behaviour...you don't really need her to go to the doctor what you need is for her to understand that you are still recovering and if she disrespects this then the consequences are xxxxx (your choice)
And how ARE you feeling? Everyone is individual but about three months after the end of radiotherapy seems to be needed for people to start to feel better so you are on the way!
well, i am almost three months post rads and I am beginning to feel better physically thank you- my energy levels are getting better. it is the how i am feeling emotionally that bothers me - it seems like it will be a long haul- i still feel down/lonely and scared of the future. i do cope on my own very well practically and keep trying to "give my self a pat on the back for that one" but there is so much flying around emotionally that i still struggle with.
they came back from their dads yesterday and were somewhat dimissive of me-i ended up going to bed sad cos they chose to sit on skype talking to my duaghters boyfriend and latterly to my ex sister in law on skype (in canada) in the bedroom next to mine - it was all sickly sweet and happy jovial with just a passing glance to how is your mom? oh ok - good -i feel so hurt at the loss of this part of my family - no contact or caring since my ex left at all - and there she was in the room next to me on a computer screen telling my kids they didnt need to live in england when they are older!!! i have no problem with them having a relationship with their family but in the room next to me at bed time is a bit much. plus they sat talking to her, laughing and smiling for nearly an hour but barely spoke to me all night. i went to bed sad
Aww, headfuloffog. Loads of hugs.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am not surprised you went to bed sad!!!!
Pleased to hear your energy is starting to return but it sounds as if you will need it with all the emotional things to cope with.
My friend who went through breast cancer treatment said it changed a lot of things for her, you find out who your friends are and who does not deserve your time and trouble. Hard to contemplate though!
My sister has said the same thing Louise, but it was more about family!!!
Headfulloffog. I hope tonight is a better one for you. I don't actually know what to say, only, the children won't realise how it upset you are unless you tell them. You don't want to tell them because of a bad response which I understand of course, so none of you are getting anywhere are you. I get angry reading your posts, and it is you always that goes to her room out of the way, though I understand why you do this too. I think by now, I would be yelling the house down, telling them who is the boss, etc etc. You're an absolute saint, and one day they will come to realise this, and also how they've treated you. Look after yourself. xx
Hi headfulloffog, maybe you need to start being a little bit more aloof towards them. Turn the tables?
They might be feeling your 'neediness' to have them with you and not liking it, so in turn they are going completely the other way.
Glad you had some celebrations with your friends. Your kids will come round, but maybe they are doing such a good show of not needing you, maybe you should follow suit!??
hi everyone - guess what? my eldest set up the standing order to pay her board this month!!!!! conflict regarding that removed - yipee
at least one aspect of my ultimatum has been actioned on and it tells me that she still wants to continue living here. so far as the other things are concerned, well attitude still awful to me but at leasst with "the board" isssue resolved there is one less thing to worry about - she is still barely taliking to me (she talks over me in the living room to my son) but not so firey
i know that i will not get her to take counselling - that has to be her decision and maybe she will do that in later life and, i will not persuade her to listen to my GP so....i am relieved that just ONE thing has been acted upon and will see that as a positive step
plodding along - still feel as if i anm learning to ride a bike/drive a car for the first time - i can see all the pedals and gear levers etc and where i want to go but i just cant seem to coordinate everything properly yet - smalll steps though. i am eating better, have more energy and have started to look out for jobs
hoping you are all ok
Excellent! One thing crossed off the list...
I'm glad you're doing ok in yourself. Fingers crossed that daughter will start to settle.
That's brilliant news. One thing sorted at least. Now you know you've tackled that, give it time, build your strength a bit more, and perhaps tackle the attitude problem. Good luck on the job front, but remember not to push yourself too hard You're sounding so much more positive, thats great to hear (read). xx
I think you're doing great! Glad that youb are feeling a bit better too...
hugs.
Woohoo! excellent! xxx
yes thanks folks. i must be feeling better, ive been for a jog tonight - yipeee
and, my son was playing me up, refusiing to go out of the house at as certain time despite me having given him more than an hours notice and 5 minute count down to departure so, i left him behind..............he wasnt happy but he asked his sister for a lift to where we were going!!! hopefully he will think next time he tries to play that game.
the only down was a lady sitting there telling me that her sons partner had died last week aged 46 from breast cancer. appparently she was diagnosed about 8 months ago had mastectomy and cheno and was doing ok and then just got headaches and died from a brain tumour within two weeks. i really did not need that piece of info sharing with me and cant compute it - i was just getting better at thinking positive.
Well I am sorry to hear about the lady's daughter in law, but she is not you. You are the one who just had a clear mammogram and also the one who went for a jog and set some boundaries with her son and mananged the miracle of getting proper board money from your daughter. WOO-HOO!!!! 
well done to you. As the others say, one step at a time, think about the next change you think you can tackle.......
Hi Headfulloffog,
Hey girl check you out. Am so proud of you there's no holding you down! So happy your results are clear, am sure you understand had heaps on with my sister. Shes making good progress, am going to see her tues.
Well done for staying strong with your children and going jogging even i havent managed that lol!
You seem definitely in more control and i am sure you will contnue to get stronger day by day. Dont be too hard on yourself and seems you recognise to take things in small steps.
Had to halt my de-cluttering but will do it when have time. Watched xfactor over weekend, really feel for the judges the standard is so high this year!
Wishing you a good week.
Hugs and kisses,
Suzziesuze x
Hi head full of fog im so sorry to hear what you are going through it must be such a hard time for you and your kids,i can sympathise partly with what you are going through,im 30 and was diagnosed with cervical cancer nearly 3 years ago,i was so scared that i would have to have a hysrectomy which would of devastated me as i want more kids (i already have a son of 12),i was really lucky they decided to remove part of my womb where i would still be able to have kids well i have a 70 per cent chance,so i am very lucky i have not go to go through chemo and radiotherapy like you,although they recommended i have radiotherapy i said no and thank god have been in remission nearly 3 years,i know i dont know you but i think you are an incredibly brave woman and i am sending you a big hug,and my thoughts are witrh you and your family,i know its easy for me to say but stay strong
By the way thats great your results were clear x
Elle81
You have been through a really hard time yourself, glad that YOUR results are clear, too!
Yes elle81, so glad your results are clear too. xx
headfulloffog, you did it! You got your daughter to sort out the standing order! Well done you! It really does sound like that will make life a bit easier for both of you!
If your eldest can't be civil to her, I would ignore her. There is a saying 'Treat em mean, keep em keen'. Now I am not saying be nasty to her, but basically don't make any extra effort for a while.
elle81, glad to hear that your results were clear and you are not battling with cancer.
elle81 - thanks for your post - good to hear that you are doing ok after 3 years. i will take heart
suzie suze - a woman can only do so much cluttereing before she needs a break!! tell yourself how well you have done and then start again when you feel ready to.
well, update - a funny old time - had a email of my ex last weekend simply telling me he is under threart of redundancy next year (as is most of the country) but using it as an excuse to reduce his payments NOW. ive not replied to it as yet because i feel so angry. throughout all my ACTUAL (not anticipated) loss of income, not once have i moaned to him or asked for money. I have put together a carefully worded response saying as there has been no actual change yet, he should meet his obligations until there is an actual change but am too scared to send it
my eldest - i wish i had the "treat em mean, keep them keen" comment Anna in my head on sunday night. she came back after a weekend away and shouted (yes i mean shouted) at me for leaving the spare quilt and pillow beside her door to go into the cupboard in her room (my friend had stayed over, i had taken the quilt to my daughters door and left it for her to stuff back in the cupboard thinking a) it would help me 'cos it is a tight squeeze to get in to the cubboard and b) she would prefer me not to go in to her room )- anyway she went beserk and told me i had permission!!!! to have people to stay but only if the quilt lives somewhere other than her room so that she doesnt have to put it away. she then proceeded to try to squeeze the quilt in to a display cabinet in the lounge that is not made for such things and the door began to pull of its hinges. I told her to stop and she wouldnt so i stood up to her and said "this is my house, i dont want the quilt in there, you have the cupboard in your room, there is nowhere else (the garage is damp) and that is where i want it to live." She shouted at me lots and in response to me saying it is my house (i DONT want it to be my house, i never wanted the split!!!- iwant it to be OUR house) she said "it is not your house, you took it off dad" (this is totally incorrect) - i just told her to go, that her attitude stinks and i added that i desreve to live in peace and harmony especially after what i have been thorough and if my life is to be shortened. she went to her boyfriends overnight but has come back and is behaving just as "normal" which for her is just being hostile to me and not showing me a care in the world, ignoring me and she is effectively the one who is treating me mean and keeping me keen cos i keep trying so damned hard to have a realtionship with her.
then i was offered a job yesterday, 16 hours doing something that i think i would love but on a salary that would be £20 more a week than benefits (and if i loose council tax benefits and free school meals, actually less) i havent told the kids cos i dont want my ex to know yet. really dont know what to do - there would be evening and weekend work that will take me away from the kids but it would be a way out of my existing job that i dont want to go back to. help
and whilst i was trying to pat myself on the back for getting the job, i had a reall wobble with the breast cancer, cos my GP left a message on my answerphone at 6.30pm as king me to call him - it is a week since my smear and given that my mammogram recall was a week after the test, by means of a phone call, i flipped, panicked, tried to call surgery got recorded message so i just drove to the surgery, was shaking and sobbing at reception, another doctor said she didnt know why he had called me, could nt see results back so called him on his mobile and discovered he was calling to ask me to take part in student study - talk about overreaction but she said it was understandable and apoliges for him causing me distress. i am still shaking this morning. the eldest and my son saw me go to the surgery anxious and i just said im going to collect some tablets. i cannot believe what my eledest said - she said "is it someone we should worrry about like nan or grandad? " she didnt refer to me at all.....when i came home and explained to them neither hugged me or said anything nice- my daughter just walked upstairs and away and my son shouted at me for being stupid
i went to run again this week and had to drive off without my son who was playing me up again - he sent me a foul mouthed text and ignored me for 2 hours.
i feel so overwhelenmed and unhappy again but not depressed just sad and yet ive just been offered a job!! - i am fed up of the way my life is- ive got lots of people around mer who like me and love me except those i love the most - my kids (who seem to hate me and blame me and show me no respect yet it was their dad who broke all this up by going off with someone- all ive done is try to keep it all going for them and ive lost the love of my life in my ex. (even though i am rapidly beginning to dislike him intensely)
Oh Headfulloffog. Not a good week for you. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.
The job sounds like a positive thing, but only you can decide if it's what you want right now, if you're ready, physically and emotionally ready I mean.
Your eldest: As soon as she started shouting, I would have told her to leave your house, until she can show respect. She has already proved to you that she doesn't want to leave home. Once she realised you meant business, she soon sorted out the direct debit for her board. I know it's easier said than done, as it's not me that's going through what you are, but your daughter needs to know that you are stronger than her, you are the Mum, you are the boss, you decide where things like the quilt belongs, or whatever else you decide on. It is your house, no you didn't take it off your ex. He chose to walk away, not you. She is old enough to understand this too. Tell her to go and scream and shout at him if she feels the need too.
Your son: The vile texts that he sent you. I would have taken the phone off him the moment he/you came back home. He also needs to start showing you respect.
I hope you have a better day today. xx
Headfullfog, the mammogram is over with, and reading your post, it does sound positive news. Your whole post sounded so uplifting too, well done on de-cluttering, and hopefully making progress with your eldest.
Suzziesuze, hope you ok today.