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Hi,
I recently joined this site as after 8 happy years of marriage, my husband in a matter of three hours announced he wasn't happy and upped and left. He left me to care for our 5 yr old daughter and our then 13 week old baby boy. I smelt perfume on his lips and neck, he said it was a moment of madness but needed space, he admitted kissing a woman he recently started texting but assured me he wanted some alone time.......
Both our families spent the following few days thinking he may be mentally ill, all he kept saying was he loved the kids but wasn't in love with me. Too too much has already happened in a very short space of time and it turns out he is already living with an older woman and her two teenage daughters. He is refusing to come to the marital home to see the children as he says I am making him feel guilty (which I haven't, I have always been accommodating to him). He is hell bent on picking up ur daughter, not telling me he is taking her and wants to take her to his new family.....
I have started divorce proceedings but I always thought he'd be there for his children as he really was an amazing dad and our little daughter dotes on him. She seems ok as we've said he is working away at the moment but after a week of no contact from him I texted him earlier this evening as she asked if daddy could take her swimming this Saturday morning.....he replied saying he already has plans but our daughter can tag along with him and his new partner.....
UUUMMMMM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
surely the psychological trauma on our daughter after 4/5 weeks wanting to force a new partner down her throat is too too much?, how can a once perfect dad/ husband now not give two hoots about his two beautiful children, especially his baby boy who he wanted so badly??. I have to put my hurt and pain aside and guide my daughter through this truly heartbreaking and unbelievable situation. No one saw this coming, I had no warning sign, no triggers, no row, he simply upped and went in three hours.....
He has become nasty, unreliable and I believe this new partner is advising him what to text and what to write, he has left his children's bedroom half decorated and a toilet that stinks of sewage. He hasn't put them to bed since he left and even refused to come and help me with our son when he had bad conjunctivitis as he was drinking and thought it was all a game on my part to get him back here. I feel he has tossed our lovely marriage aside like a fag butt and I feel so robbed, I feel him and HER have robbed me of my beautiful marriage, the kids dad and I've literally been left holding the baby.
His actions have devastated both families and in a way, it feels like he has died as some of his belongings are still here at home. He has told me he isn't coming back, he seems very sure if what he's doing and has said that our children are welcome at "his" anytime.
he has house hopped and seems to show no remorse, removing his wedding ring and acting quite cocky in his actions. Things got physical in front of our daughter a few days after his bombshell which I massively regret and will never repeat, so now I've told him not to ring her as it upsets her as all she says is when are you coming home?, I don't trust him to pick her up as he has stated he won't be telling me where he takes her as its her time with her dad. He tells me he's loving every second with his new partner and doesn't seem to want to know my beautiful children anymore.
I do believe the grass is greener on the other side fir him snd to be honest i dunno hos ive masged to still do the school run, let slone function properly but i have. I feel so hurt, confused and am so sad for what he is doing to my kids, I am trying to divide my time between a energetic 5 yr old and a 4 month old baby.........I haven't cracked yet but his pure neglect and desertion has left me speechless. Any advice anyone can give me would be great.
thanks
Charlie
x
Hi,
Thanks for your reply, glad there is life after a divorce!.
I have had amazing support, my family are brilliant and want to help so much, I guess it's my pride stopping me, his family, oh bit of a strange one, he was never close to his mum so she knows the basics but told me that other day that this will "be the making of you"!????.
His sister went through the same with her ex but she doesn't really talk much to my ex, but she's given me advice.
i am doing all the day to day stuff ok and have made the necessary changes to our finances, he has already changed bank accts and has given me an amount of money to cover the bills but the situation had deteriorated at such a pace since that I am unsure if it will continue. My solicitor though is fully up to date with everything do if he fails to cough up she'll get onto him.
my children are my life, but I'm really having to bite my lip, my daughter needs a massive fix of daddy but he is only interested if he can take her to his new family which I have so far refused....
x
Ps: it annoys me that he's so happy, even flaunting it in my face, yet I'm here raising his children alone.......
Hello ChaCha
Welcome to One Space., You must still be in shock after all this happening so suddenly and yes when I read your post it did sound so sudden. He has run away from the inevitable stress of a second baby has brought, and now is with an older family where none of that is going on...he sounds as if he was a real playmate for your daughter and maybe having two children to look after was too much for him (just wait till he gets to know those teenagers a bit better...heh heh that will be much more stressful I can assure you 
) So, he thinks it is Ok to just run away and leave you to pick up the pieces. The practical side is hard enough, but just about do-able, especially with family suppport but your poor little daughter! I am sure you did the right thing in telling her he was working away but now he is speaking to her on the phone and being so cavalier, then maybe a different tack would be better? "Daddy's really busy" is a good one, as is "Daddy has to do lots of things with people at his work and little children aren't allowed" Hmmm, why should you let him off the hook like this? Well, you're not, you're softening the blow for your daughter. In the meantime keep things at home as calm as possible for her.
I am delighted to read that you have had some legal advice, it is so important at the early stages and yet hard to force yourself to go and do it,
Whiilst it is excellent that the children maintain a relationship with their grandparents, be careful if his mum is not being 100% helpful, you need to surround yourself with people who are rooting for you. Are you able to talk to you own family? Talking anf talking is what you need right now. If something is a big shock, as this has been, then one part of your mind will find it hard to accept it. Verbalising what has happened will help your subconscious mind to accept the knowledge (quite similar to someone experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that is the first stage of moving forward.
We are here for you, someone is on here every day and there is lots of friendly support here, look after yourself.
Hi Louise,
Thanks so much for your helpful reply.
my solicitor said I should attempt contact between him and our daughter, I texted him last night asking if he could take her swimming as that's something they always done together, he said he has plans but she can go out with him and his new partner!. He will not see the children here at the marital home, even though I offered to go out all day to give him space, he insists on picking up G (our daughter) and not telling me where he's taking her as all he wants is for them to meet each other and he really would have the perfect life wouldn't he....
he says I am stopping him seeing them, but he is stopping himself with his unreasonable demands, he makes me feel I have caused this heartbreaking situation, it's very hard a my daughter needs a big fix of her dad and I don't know how much longer I can keep fobbing her off.
he has told me to stop contacting him (which I have) or he will block my number and only wants to know about emergencies regarding the children. He has totally changed personalities and seems strong enough not to try no see them. I don't know if his new partner is guiding him but he keeps saying the judge will allow him to see his children which I understand.
I want more than ever for him to see her but he cannot understand that G just wants her daddy, not a new home or face in her face........he is dillusional but I guess because he is now all loved up and happy he just doesn't see the pain he has caused?.
i just don't know what to do for the best, we have been referred to mediation regarding arranging the finances and contact for the children but he's not the sort of man to sit nd talk to a stranger so therefore if he doesn't turn up I guess a judge will decide nd allow him to take her wherever he wants to, I just don't think it's right that after 4/5 he wants to confuse G now..
xxxxxxx
Well if it does end up in court, you will have the chance to explain that your daughter needs quality time with her dad and not just to be slotted into another family, I totally agree with you that it is unreasonable for her to have to meet them all at this early stage. She has enough to get her head round with losing her dad from the family home! and let's face it, this new relationship may not last. I would just let sleeping dogs lie for the time being, you have tried to arrange things and he does not want you to contact him. Fine.
Concentrate on keeping things secure for the children and of looking after you. You may want to read this book, which looks at parenting after separation but has a substantial, and helpful section on the immediate effects of breaks ups.
Hello ChaCha and welcome too One Space 
I am really sorry to hear whats been happening for you, You seem to have covered most bases already and Louise has given you some great advice as to how to handle the situation with your ex and him not seeing your daughter.
Right now you just need to take care of you and your children, one thing that i used to do when my children wanted to see their dad and he was to busy, was to say something along the lines Louise has already mentioned then distract them with something else visiting grandparents, going to the park or playing games etc
Do you have any plans for the weekend?
Hi Sally,
thanks for your comment, this website is becoming so helpful to me.
I have this weekend all covered, as in the week it's fine as my daughter is at school and busy so I potter around with my baby boy, it's the weekends it hits me but her social life is great and we have lots of things coming up.
x
Hi again,
So do I still try and make contact between my ex and our daughter or just leave it. Everytime I text it opens it all up again. If he still insists on involving his new partner surely that's not on so it'll be best to wait?
X
I would be inclined just to wait for a while now, Chaha.
Ok thanks, I'm just worried he will spring some kind of order on me x
hi my husband left 4 weeks ago.I had no warning whatso ever said he was going out and never came back.We were married for 25 years and it was my son who told me he had left.there has been no contact with him he has also changed his mobile number.We were in financial trouble due to him been made redundant a y.ear ago.the house was and still is going to be repossed end of march.Icannot believe he has left me to deal with this all on my own.I did my best working from 7 in the morning till some times finishing at ten on a night and sometimes feel i cannot cope.i am due to move into a one bedroomed secure flat and i just feel really let down.Ihave started a new job which would have been great if i was not worried about moving.This is the second time he has walked out he phoned me at work the first time to tell me he was leaving he had met someone else that lasted 6 weeks.The really sad thing i have found out was my son knew what he was going to do and never told me they were both in on it.I would never never take him back again i am trying my best to keep going but i am finding it really hard sorry for going on but i had to tell someone.
Oh tinker bell, what is wrong with some men....
keep strong, this website seems so supportive and helpful, keep your head up high.
x
thanks for replying so soon
Hello tinkerbell, what a dreadful shock for you, and quite inexplicable. Have you had soms help and adivce with regard to money matters such as debts? We have a Money Expert, who can be emailed by clicking here.
Is your son going to live with you or does he live independently now?
Hi again ChaCha, your children's father cannot spring a court order on you but what he can do is take a court action to obtain defined parenting time. It may be that you would be invited to mediation before any hearing but in any case, both parents would be interviewed etc before any order was made and at that stage you can explain your concerns. On the whole it is better for children to have a relationship with both parents but I was just suggesting leaving it a few weeks as everything sounds very volatile at the moment
Hi Louise,
Thanks again for you helpful reply. My solicitor has referred us to mediation to try and sort out the finances and also contact with our children. I did male contact yesterday asking if he could take our eldest swimming, all he replied was that our daughter can go out with him and his new partner. I explained I was trying to make the effort but she needs time with him, not the new partner. It's only been 5 weeks!. I really hope he turns up for mediation as it'll be good to try and come to an agreed arrangment instead of a judge deciding. He has to be reasonable though Louise, he sprung this life changing event on us so he must stop and listen to my concerns which so far he hasn't. He just gets angry on the phone. He is seeing his solicitor on Friday so hopefully they will advise him that its all too soon for meeting new partners. I was going to ask you though, do you have any experiences of a judge making arrangements for children?, will a judge listen to my conerns?, I have written so much down from start to finish and would like it to be read as I feel so gagged at the moment and the only way to release my anger and frustration is to write everything down, the impact on the children, our home and myself through my ex's actions. Do you think that's possible?.
Regards,
Charlie
hi will be moving on my own son is 25 i am 60 yrs old just what i need right now
Yes tinkerbell, that is a big upheaval.
ChaCha, yes I do have some experience of judges' rulings but no-one can say for certain what these might be. The person who DOES have a lot of experience not just of judges in general but the ones who sit in your particular family court, will be your solicitor. You need to be guided by her. It is indeed a good idea to write it all down and get it off your chest, for your own purposes but then worth summarising the situation for your solicitor, perhaps with bullet points
Hi ChaCha from me. What a truly difficult situation to be facing, however I am glad to see that you do have some support and by sounds of it you can stay in your own home.
There is very little you can do to control your ex's actions in regards to him seeing your daughter. As the resident parent, it is obvious to us what our children's needs are, however all we can do is protect them the best way we can and deal with any fallout.
I agree with Louise, at this point, focus on you, your home and your children. If he wants contact then let him contact you. Easier said than done I know, but you have been left holding the babies and that is all you can do at this point, until Contact is arranged properly.
You can air your views and concerns to your solicitor, however the Courts will consider what is in the childs best interests and often as long as your children see their dad, they will not necessarily put a ban on other people in his life being around as well.
When your ex's mum says This will be the making of you, I know it sounds odd at this time, but take heed. Your life is going to change hugely over the next few years, you get to learn so much about yourself and your boundaries, she might not be far wrong!
Wishing you luck, we are here to support you with anxiety's, rants or friendship, whatever you need.
Now, are you doing anything at the moment that is just for you? Can you get the girls round and have an evening in? You need fun and laughter in your life and in your home and girlfriends can be such great healers.
Dear tinkerbell, what a huge shock, I imagine you feel a double whammy, especially with the fact that your son knew that your ex was going to leave.
I know at 60 this is probably the last thing you need right now, however it is the beginning of a new journey for you and I feel a very positive one, it sounds as though you ex didn't treat you fairly and now you have the chance to do things for You, not anyone else.
Keep in touch with us and we can support you through this diffficult time. Do you have friends locally that you can off load to?
feeling really down had a bad night yesterday and feel the same way today thought i was doing well the past 5 weeks but with moving coming up it is starting to get to me.my 2 cats will have to go but 1 of the cats which is 18 yrs old i will have to get put to sleep as she is to old to be rehomed how can the 2 people i trusted my husband and son do this to me just feel like giving up.
Oh tinkerbell, what a horrible time you are going through. It is lots of losses, all at the same time, no wonder you are struggling.
Remember even in the middle of the night, you can all The Samaritans for someone to talk to, they have helped me through some difficult times, their number is 08457 909090.
Have you had a chat with your GP? I am just wondering if you need some extra support, and maybe they can also refer you to a counsellor. I am a counsellor myself and many of my clients are people in their 50s and beyond who are trying to adjust to significant changes in their lives so it is not unusual to seek some counselling at this time.
You also have us now! and we are here to talk to and discuss things with. Did you have a better night?
Hi tinkerbell, it is understandable that you are feeling as you are, as Louise says, we are here for you and do ring the Samaritans anytime...day or night.
Hi Louise/Anna,
I need your help again, I took your advice Louise and have stepped back and concentrated on myself and my children. I did offer my ex the chance to take our daughter swimming last weekend, but as usual all I got was that se can go out with him and his new partner, I said this isn't what our daughter needs so it was a no no. But....
He has told me he is seeing his solicitor this friday, im concerned he will then contact me and tell me he is picking her up, not inform me where they are going, and more worryingly introduce our daughter to his new partner. It's only been 5 1/2 weeks but he is in a completely different mind set to what I am and I bet he feels this will complete his new jigsaw once they have met eachother.
My solicitor is aware of my worries but what can I do if he turns up to the marital home or let's himself in (he is joint owner and won't surrender his key), I know I can't stop him, I know he has rights to see the children but surely there is something I can do. If he goes ahead with the introduction then I fear for my little girls state of mind. We both told her he is working away on a really important job so she will surely be confused when he takes her to his new home, where all his possessions are?.
I await your reply!,
Thanks
X
Well yes she would be confused. If your solicitor has not told you to do anything in particular then there is evidently not a "set" procedure.
You could lock the door and either leave the key in or bolt the door. This way he cannot just get in. If there is trouble you are within your rights to call the police and say you are frightened and ask them to come.
Hi ChaCha, do you feel your daughter will be safe in your ex's care? Is she likely to come to any harm? As hard as it is, unfortunately he is her father and it is his choice what he chooses to do with her and who he chooses to introduce her to.
When we have shared a life with our partner and shared decisions, it is really very hard to accept that we no longer have that 'control' anymore.
I know you are concerned for your daughters emotions about how she will receive what she sees and I remember that feeling very well, but if he chooses to see her, there is little you can do, unless you fear that she will be in extreme psychological or physical danger.
Your daughter currently believes that her dad is working away. As painful as it is, do you think now is the time to tell her that he is living somewhere else? Keeping it plain, simple and factual will help her to get to grips with it and also know that she can trust you to keep her in the loop. I know she is still very little, but you 3 are a team now and you can support her through this.
Good idea Louise about keeping the key in the lock, then he would have to knock to come in.
Hi Louise,
I just wanted to say thanks for recommending that book to me, Putting Children First....
im still reading it but it makes so much sense, sadly my ex will never read it and as the "leaver" he is doing everything opposite that the book suggests but in the wrong way. I myself feel I am doing the right thing and thankfully my daughter isn't showing any signs of the separation anxiety that it predicts might happen.
X
It just proves what a great job you are doing ChaCha that your daughter is not having any anxiety issues Sadly there is not alot we can do about the other parent, all we can do is do what feels right for our children and ourselves.
Did you have a good weekend?
Thanks Sally,
I did thanks although I did have a wobble yesterday morning so I jumped kin the car with the kids and went to my sisters, had some fresh air at the park and I felt better and the moment passed. But......
I then saw plastered all over Facebook that my ex and his new partner had tattoos of each others names, she'd put it all over there, I felt sad but again the moment passed as nothing surprises me.
Thr book states that it should be two yrs before children are introduced to a new partner, he's wanted to do this from the third week. I will hopefully be meeting him soon for mediation and I really hope the mediator can make him understand my worries.
but to be honest, it's easier for me and the children if he doesn't see them, his new lifestyle seems very unhinged, involving drugs and alcohol, I don't want my children around that.
x
Hi there,
I am new to the site and just wanted to offer a word of positivity to you, in Nov 2007 I discovered my ex was sleeping with my next door neighbour who was at the time 20 years old, he was in his 40's. This came after years of Domestic Abuse that left me emotionally frazzled. This was the beginning of my nightmare.
Within 2 years of this my family home had been reposessed , I had lost my Job and my ex was arrested for a serious crime that meant Social Services became involved in my life. My Child was removed from my care and I was tormented by my Ex for years afterwards.
But I have managed to re-build a life for myself and I took all the help that was offered to me. I do have bad days but I have over-come so much and now I have a good life with a future I am looking forward to.
If you stay positive you can overcome anything.
Best of luck xx
Hi ChaCha, when two people tattoo each others names on their bodies, especially after such a short time of being together, seems to me that they face massive insecurity. I am glad to read that the moment passed for you. You could have gone down a dark path, but you saw it for what it was and moved on.
Hi Murray72, welcome to One Space, it is always great to hear people's stories, especially when they have turned around as yours has. Is that a wedding dress you are wearing?
Do you have your child back at home with your now or was that not possible?
Hi Cha-cha
Maybe hearing all that will strengthen your resolve to just let things lie for now, with regard to contact? Yes, the book suggests a long time with a new partner before they are in troduced. This is difficult if you are the one with the day to day care but for a parent without this, they have plenty of time to spend with the new partner without involving the children. Sadly, as we have seen may times on this board, this does not always happen
Hi Louise,
Its now been three weeks since he last saw the children, Facebook is full of pictures of him and her both together, fishing!, all I've asked is for him to come and see the kiddies here as I have school/baby routines to stick too but I've heard nothing. He never wants to communicate with me, simply saying let the solicitors sort it out. There's no day to day support or communication, I cannot ring or text anymore as I feel his number may be being "administered" by his new partner. So all I can do is carry on, keeping my daughter busy and watching my beautiful son blossom, very very hard though to stomach everything he has put us through and failed to do.
Xxx
Of course, but enjoy the time with your children and don't let him spoilt all the things you have together.....
Morning all,
So again last night I asked if he would like to come round and see the children after work. He said he'll pick up our daughter, take her to his and give her dinner!!!!
He said if I don't tell her the truth then he will, not both of us together, such cowardness.
I am at my wits end with this man!!!!!!!
How absolutely infuriating. I really would just let things lie at the moment and not try and organise anything.....
Hi Louise,
I really don't know why I even bothered, the children are both happy and fine, as am I.
i will not attempt again, will let mediation help if he turns up.
thanks for listening.
x
Hi All,
Happy Mothers Day to you all.
well to top off everything off that I have gone through in the last 7 weeks, my ex couldn't even get me a Mothers Day card!. I'm not really surprised but his last text to me a few days ago was "I don't want to be around you".......
umm, hello??, you are the one that cheated, and deserted your whole life...
i really don't know what I have done wrong to this man that I was so in love in and adored. But he obviously hates me for some reason and now can't even be arsed to get me a card.....
I feel do hurt, how dare he just up and go, not see the children for 4 weeks and I feel he's trying to turn it around onto me!. I am doing everything but today It really got to me as I also have a stinking cold. My family sent me cards and my mum sent me some beautiful tulips which cheered me up. My mind has been wandering about him and her, oh I really am having an off day. I'm gagging to text his mum snd ask if he visited her today but I know she wants to keep him, me&the children separate but the total shutdown of communication on his part really frustrates me.
He still insisting on seeing the children at his only, no 121 time at all. I feel he's emotionally blackmailing me as he said if I don't tell our daughter the truth, then he will. He is not thinking of her needs, only his own. He now has his dream sex life, satin sheets, a woman who will do whatever to keep hold of him, new freedom, new home so having them at "his" really would be the icing in the cake wouldn't it. Very unfair and still so unreal.
I have my first mediation session later this week, I cannot wait, I really need to off load my worries as I cannot get it through to him.
sorry for rambling..
Xxxxxx
This comment has been moved here.
Hi ChaCha
Its a horrible feeling when we feel 'hated' by our ex, but we have to turn it around and think, I do not want to be loved by someone who treats me this way anyway.
It is normal at this stage to be thinking of 'him & her', but this will pass, just let the thoughts run through you.
When do you think the best time to tell your daughter will be?
Hi Anna,
Thanks for replying, I feel a lot stronger today, I've been focusing to much on what I might have done to make him hate me, and when I sat and thought about everything he's done to me and the kiddies the last 7 weeks I realised I've done nothing. I do actually hate him, strong word but having a quiet moment to sit and relay in my head what he's done really made me put things back into perspective.
i had a little informal chat last night with my daughter whilst I was sorting the washing. I said to her "what if daddy lived in another house with another lady, would you want to see him", at first she said no as she'd want me to come!, then she said yes!.
shes so little and I just feel its do unfair on her that she will at some point be faced with this change when he can't even take her swimming to begin with. God knows how he'll ever reconnect with his baby son either......
X
I know, Cha Cha, it's heartbreaking. I guess at least if you are the one to tell your daughter things then you can think about the best way to put it, rather than risk him blurting it out in an inapprorpriate way.
You are imagining him having an "ideal" life....for me, ande I think for you too, the minute my children were born then no life would be ideal if separated from them, how sad that he is missing out on all thatm not that I am saying you should feel sorry for him but the love that you have known and continue to know with your children, that all seems to have passed him by.
What have you got lined up for this week?
Hi Louise,
Yes, it's his loss, the love I feel for them both doesn't come close what I'd feel for a man. I hope it's eating away at him as he deserves to feel like poo!.
this week consists of dentist appt, baby injections, mediation, teddy bears picnic, nanny visiting, and whatever else i can fit in!. I don't know how I ever had time for a husband!.
x
Hi ChaCha, please remember our children don't know what they don't know!
Of course your daughter wants to see her dad. She has no idea about the issues and your pain that you might carry towards the situation. She won't have a problem with it at all.
I used to worry terribly about my daughters relationship with her father, but my friend grew up without a dad and she says "You don't miss what you haven't got"
I know that your daughter has had a relationship with her father in the past, but she is still young enough to take it on face value.
You have now planted the seed in her mind that daddy lives somewhere else perhaps with someone else, I am not sure asking her if she wants to see him is the best way forward. If you want them to have a good relationship, try and talk about it as if it is normal.
Your week sounds busy with baby things! Are you doing anything for you?
Hi Anna,
What I'm going to do is just leave it for now there's no point me trying to explain to her what's going on as the situation is so frosty and with no firm contact plans in place I think it just causes more stress than it's worth. It gets me down thinking about the whole sorry situation so im just doing what I've been doing and keep busy and see what happens. My solicitor is aware of everything and I have every faith in her.
Regarding time for myself, between doing the school run and sterilising bottles I find the daytimes are jam packed but I find the evenings relaxing once their both asleep. That's my time to read and plan my days with them.
X x
Glad you do get some relaxing time, Cha cha. What do you like to read? I am in a book club so I am reading a book about panning for gold in New Zealand in the nineteenth century (...whispers...it's a bit boring..)
OH MY GOD I NEED TO SCREAM!!!!!!!
please anyone out there can someone tell me why my ex husband is such a tool!
in a last bid attempt before I start mediation tmrw I texted asking I'd he'd like to see the children over the next few days bearing in mind he's not seen them for 4.5wks or asked to. His reply was "can you drop them at mine!!!", GOD HELP ME........
does he not realise the delicate nature of this horrendous situation, so even though there was no mothers day card, less maintenance than agreed, no support, no phone calls, no texts asking after them....he wants me to do what!!!!!!!
Please, please can someone explain to me how cheating, lying men think?, and also can mediation be my voice as I need one, I really do.....
Xx
Sounds familiar...
Hope you you've let off steam somehow.
I always used to take the children to The Git's, which made texts like that worse somehow.
Hello Cha cha
That was a big scream!
I need to point out that not all liars and cheats are men, and not all men are liars and cheats
Well, mediation is with the aim of calming things down, and the best way you can state your case is CALMLY (you can always come on here and have a scream afterwards) so I hope it will be helpful to you
Hey ChaCha, how did the mediation go?
Hi ChaCha
I'm sorry you're facing this.
How much support are you getting from the family? Yours and his? I had tremendous support from my in-laws, as I still call them, who have been devastated by what happened.
Your children need to be your focus and will get you through this.
It is very, very early days, and really he needs to settle down to this path he has chosen to take (words my ex used with me, and expected me to accept) to start to think about your children.
If you feel able to deal with practical things such as finances (horrid, but need to be considered) that too will help you.
Enjoy your children. They grow up so quickly. Always be positive about their Dad with them, how ever hard. With my lot, I hope they will never be able to point a finger at me and say I was unreasonable.
All this is easy for me to say. It is almost 8 years ago that I left with a 5, 8, 10 and 12 year old. I have never regretted leaving, and even though some parts have been difficult, I wouldn't change a thing (other than a big lottery win and legs that worked).
Loads of hugs and strength.