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Oh ps: I won £10 on the lottery!
I can't answer that one cha cha as The Git never got around to doing specific things with the children, which has been handy.
I don't think you can pretend to rave about something when you don't have the interest though, but perhaps enough info on the news to point it out to her?
I wonder if the interest will lessen as she isn't sharing it with her Dad.
Sounds like you had a fab time, Cha Cha, amd great news about the winnings. A fortnight in Barbados next!!! You will be tired tonight after last night's late night so early bed sounds a good idea 
hi i cant seem type on my forum, says last page, my ex bin quiet, he as rang few times but thts it,my 18 year old daughter bin ere all weekend so bin gud, and lovely weather,
Hi lou1104, I hope your daughter has settled well into her new bed... your son too
It sounds as though you are surrounded by a good network of friends and family - how are things with you?
Hey Cha Cha! How is it being back at work - I bet you are feeling exhausted and wondering why you even considered it!! It will all settle down though, you will get into a routine and it sounds as though you have good colleagues to keep you going!
Hi Anna,
I have to say that making the decision to return to work 2 weeks earlier was a very good one!, I have slipped back into my job and it feels like I was off for a week, not 8.5 months!. We have a great morning routine and the kiddies have settled into their new nursery/breakfast and after school club. I so look forward to picking them both up,especially in this weather, we drive home with the radio blaring. I was worried I would feel stressed once I got in but so far I haven't. I don't need to rush around like a mad woman as they are both asleep by 7.30 so I enjoy pottering about then doing my bits and bobs. Everything is calm, our home feels happy and they are happy.....xx
...and after 7.30 you only have yourself to worry about, that's great. There are a lot of positive things about being a single parent!!!! So glad tp hear that the return to work has gone well
I've just read your story by pure accident & I am blown away.... I am going through exactly the same thing! My husband left me just before christmas on my wedding anniversary. We have a 2 year old daughter, who has cerebral palsy... I knew at the time that there was someone else, but he wouldnt come out with it...instead he's been taking my daughter to see her (and her 10 year old daughter) playing happy families, He got round to finally admitting it 3 weeks ago. I am bloody furious how dare he let her meet my daughter? You seem like you are holding everything together, & i just....can't seem to....I cant seem to get past the disbelief I want my family back.....he's taken my dog too. Ive been torturing myself...sitting outside his/their house just to get a glimpse of them. She's everything I am not I know my daughter needs to see her dad, but i cant seem to function....I dont know who i am anymore.... Anyway I just wanted you to know that this is happening to others & you are not alone... & thanks....after reading your posts i feel stronger already!! :)
Hi Angie,
I can't talk for long as I have the school run, please, please read Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark, it changed my whole perspective....
Will talk later, keep strong.
X x
Hello angie_heidi
You are very welcome here. Would you like to start your own thread?
You are indeed torturing yourself and whilst I totally understand why you want to sit outside their house and see what is going on, this is really unhelpful for you and will only make you more cross and upset. The sense of betrayal you feel runs very deep and it is hard for you to believe that you can ever move on from this.
Please read this thread (click) written by another member reflecting on her own break-up.
Your daughter needs you to be able to be strong and move forward now. Do you get any help with her care from family/friends and are you in touch with any support groups?
Hi everyone, hope your all well.....I'm sorry but I need to let of steam and would appreciate your advice.
My daughter saw her dad today, the arrangement is every other Sunday 10-4. There are still no plans for him to take the baby.
He picked her up at 10, he said he would drop her home between 4-4.30pm, fine, myself and the baby had a lovely chilled day watching the Jubilee. It got to 5pm and daughter still wasn't home and no communication from him. So I texted "will you be long?", his reply "20mins". I replied "could you just text me next time your going to late", I didn't get a reply.
So he pulls up at 5.20, very quick handover, baby drifting off to sleep so no mention of him from his dad. My daughter comes in and announces THAT woman, her daughter was in the car, they all went to a family members for dinner, also to the pub and she didn't get to play football with him.
Heres my problem, how the hell do I deal with the anger inside of me regarding the following reasons, I cannot waste my breath emailing him as I'll get no reply, he just doesn't see it.
1) How can I get him to let me know they'll be late, I don't mind but it'll be nice to know!
2) we agreed he would pick up and drop off alone. How dare he bring her to my home, I didn't see her but she's now entered MY WORLD, my little bubble away from their cheating new life.
3) Why does he not have 121 time with our daughter?, his new woman and her family are involved every time he has his fortnightly contact. He can go visit his family member the other 13 days......
I am so angry and upset, I know there's nothing I can really do as it will go in one ear and another with him. It really has ruined my day. As much as my daughter seems ok, tired but ok, surely all she wants is her dad, all too herself.
I keep thinking back to a text he sent me weeks ago when he said he is part of a new family now and so are our children......ummmm, NEVER!
so Onespace friends, please tell me what you think, if I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and how I can get passed this.
Thanks
Xx
I had a similar problem re dropping off late - I let it go 4 times (although he did keep texting me 30 mins before they were due back) the last time it was 15 mins before due back so I let rip - I said no respect for my time please don't do it again - it doesn't happen now
secondly I just told the idiot that his kids deserved him to themselves and they are not interested in her - he did seem to listen unless they are all kidding me
there is a good book called putting children first - in it it says you should wait at least a year before introducing another partner - i told him that
the funny thing is is that i know eventually she is going to appear on the scene with them and i know that they are all going to stay over together but i would rather stick pins in my eyes than let that happen at the moment
i would just be honest but not expect a reply - i was very factual in my email and tried to keep the emotion out of it - hope that is of some help
Hi ChaCha
I sometimes think it is good to vent here as there are people who understand.
The Git did this to me often. As far as he saw it, they're his children which meant he could do whatever...
He just, I felt, got a thrill if he knew he had wound me up.
Since he's met fiance III and married her, the children have never had any one to one time with him. The previous two fiances lived away.
He would also bring them back early...
Hi littleredhen,
I read that book within the first 2 weeks, made amazing sense to me, but he wouldn't even think about reading it. God I just cried, I can't believe after coming so far I found myself so wound up. I know I'm getting the best bits of the kids, he has just turned out to be such a bloody let down. The last time I mentioned to him about dropping his woman off to work whilst having contact he told me to mind my own.Shocking the way he talks to me (on the rare occasions we do communicate). I know when it's his contact time it's up to him what he does but it just grates on me that he can't seem to be alone with her.
Ive calmed down a lot now, had a good cry so I do feel better.
ThAnkyou
Hi sparklinglime,
So annoying isn't it, they just don't ever see how crap they are. I pray for karma everyday. I've become so strong but this really wound me up, I could have texted him a very nasty message but didn't thank god, I just said to myself, Get on Onespace!.
Thanks
I used to text nasty messages. One day it dawned on me it would have made him smile... Git...
Hi ChaCha, all that you have described is very common and your responses natural.
Yes we want our childen to have 1-2-1 contact with their other parent, but we can't enforce that - we don't want our children to think that they are getting the short straw, so we need to portray that it is good that they are having contact, rather than focussing on the lack of individual contact.
I used to focus a lot on the timings of when my daughter was picked up and dropped off and get myself wound up. Now I look back and realise that 15 minutes either way is not really a big deal (I was just too caught up in the emotions). How often do we turn up at a friends at a slightly different time than planned? However if we have not been told that it is going to be an hour later, that is different. I used to text about half an hour before drop off and ask what time will she be home. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
You have moved forward so much since you joined this site, there will be steps back too, however it is how we deal with those setbacks and it sounds as though you have dealt with your feelings, had a rant on here and a cry (always therapeutic) and you can move on. Do not let those feelings of anger drown you - there are some things we just have to accept, so that we can move on healthily.
Are you having a good weekend aside from that?
Hi Anna,
Thanks for replying, yes I really got myself wound up, so I took myself off to bed at 8 pm and woke up feeling so much better. I also thought the ex might have wanted our daughter to visit his family member as she has met him before. I feel proud of myself for not going off on one at him as it never gets anywhere, so I'm glad I came on here and asked advice, now I know how to deal with it next time. As you say, I have come so far since posting my story on here, but wouldn't be as strong as I feel without all your support so thank you again. We are off shopping, then round to my sisters for a little get together, daughter is raring to go, me and baby trying to catch up with her!
x
Cool! Have a good day - you are doing a great job and its good to hear that you are back on form 
Hi All,
Cant really believe im posting another rant but here goes...
Checked my emails this morning, 2 from the ex, half hour apart but asking the same thing. He`s asking if he can see daughter the following saturday (instead of the sunday, Fathers Day), i replied "You dont want to see your daughter on Fathers Day", he didnt reply to that, just simply put "Can I see her on the Saturday", so i rang him..
I said "Why do you want to change the day"?
He replied (wait for it).............
I am not about on FATHERS DAY..........
He said our daughter is too young to know its FD, i said its not the point.
I said id let him know..
How dare he?, I was so shocked i burst out crying at my desk.
Speechless..........................
How strange. He must have something he wants to do on the Sunday (probably nothing to do with Father's Day). Isn't it infuriating that he can just upset you like this, even when you think you have got your head round things?
Hi Louise,
Well thinking about it, its his birthday the day after (I had forgotten), so perhaps he`s going out for a meal or something with his new family..but yet again, whatever he is doing, he is putting that before seeing his little girl and letting her give him a homemade card or something (we was going to make something, although he doesnt deserve it!).
Who knows, but i am fine until i hear from him or have to contact him to make arrangements.
Yes, DEEP BREATHS Cha Cha 
The first year I took the children to his to drop off present and card. He wasn't in. However, I texted him suggesting he had the children for tea (was 'my' weekend). He did.
That was possibly the only time he did give them extra time.
I think we weep for what the children are missing out on...
Hi all, hope your not getting flung about in this wind!
I feel a little deflated right now, as I posted in the week, ex isn't about next Sunday and myself and the kids have plans that I can't and am not prepared to change the day before so we was trying to rearrange another contact day. He has emailed me this:
"Don't give me that. If she see me saturday and gave me a card she wouldn't know the difference coz u want to be your usual c##t self you have to make it hard over one day.
Aint going round in f@@@@@g cycles with u , u want to use her to get to me and all your doing is making her suffer.
------Original Message------
I have hidden the swear words as such horribleness doesn't belong on here but his reply really peed me off. My reply was:
"How dare you!, I am not a c..t, why do you call me that!
Next Sunday was fine with us but you can't make it, fair enough, but I cannot make the day before. It wasn't set in stone that if we needed to change a date it would happen 100%. Unfortunately I can't change our plans ok so no need to be nasty and come up with assumptions.
Such venom from him, I guess because he isn't getting his own way....
You'd think I'd had the affair.....
X
Hi ChaCha, I am sorry to read that you have recieved such horrible and upsetting emails, it really isn't necessary.
May I suggest that from now on you don't enter into conversation/explanation or discussion any more.
If he can't do one of his allocated contact times - 'I received your message'
If he wants to change it and it is convenient - 'I have recieved your message and the children shall be ready on XXX at XXX time.'
If he wants to change it and it is not convenient - 'This date/time is not convenient for me'
No emotions - just facts. He can kick off all he likes, but you are holding your own and you rise above it. I know it is easier said than done, but there are so many emotions running high, that it will just fuel more hurt.
How are you feeling this afternoon?
Hello Cha Cha, how are things in your house? Has there been anymore nastiness from your daughter's dad? Are you feeling any better in yourself?
Hi Louise,
So sorry I haven't posted in a while but I like I said earlier I always read everyone's updates daily, hope everyone is doing ok.
Well it's 6 months to the day since he left, 6 months of emotional torture and starting all over again, things are a lot more calmer now. My kiddies are doing really well, my baby has started crawling and is growing into a wonderful, smiley, happy little boy. My daughter left her school reception class with a glowing report and is enjoying her six weeks holiday.
I returned to work in May and it has been my therapy, my job is lovely, my colleagues are a good laugh and very supportive, and being at work makes me happy. The kids have settled into their routines and we are moving along happily as a 3.
Myself, as a person, woman, is doing ok!. I still have sad moments, I still think a lot, process thoughts all the time, write my journal, cry, laugh, remember the good times, and I still rack my brains as to why he left, but I've found I can do all this but still get on with my day and look forward to the future.
There is still a lot to sort out, divorce, property etc, but all in good time. I think I need another 6 months to really feel almighty strong to face all of that. Financially things are ok, I keep a close eye on the pennies and all the bills are still being paid.
Regarding him, well let's just say his attitude is disgusting, he hasn't seen the kids in 4 weeks, and refuses to see them 121. I cannot and will not tolerate his vile language or threats anymore so I took advice and asked him to not contact me, which so far he hasn't. He knows where the kids are and I can not do any more to encourage His relationship with them, it's drained me so let him come to us.
Our little life is happier when he isn't around and my daughter already decided she didn't want to see him with her or spend her time sharing him with half the pub! So right now it's just us 3.
My family and friends organised a surprise "cheering up party" for me a few weeks ago, it was a complete shock, friends/family/work mates, even my neighbours were all there, we had karaoke, cakes, food, dancing the lot, the love and support I felt that night was huge and will live with me forever.
Well, that's mostly it my lovely Onespacers..
Tare care...
Cha cha
Xxxxxxxxxx
Hi ChaCha
The party sounds fab!!!!
You have come so far in six months, you really have and I agree that another six months will take you eve further forward. We often say to people that whilst there is no hard and fast rule, the first year is usually a good marker point.
The children are coming on great guns, you must be so proud!
Hi ChaCha, thanks for the update! Great to read about the party, it sounds as though you have some good people around you!
Glad that the children are doing so well and your little boy is starting to be mobile, that will keep you on your toes!
Take care of you, look forward to speaking to you soon xx
Hello ChaCha
What's the news from your end? How are the school holidays going?
Hi Louise,
Nice to hear from you, all is good thanks, school holidays are fine, I have a good balance of working 3 days and then 4 with the kiddies, not done a great deal but we've kept local, parks, garden etc. My football obsessed daughter has spent a lot of time playing outside with some local kids! Having a kick about etc, my little boy is very mobile now, not quite walking but not far off, he enjoys sitting on the trampoline and watching the world go by!.
My ex hasn't seen them for 6 weeks, he is very stubborn and has said he won't be told by me or anyone what he should be doing, all his loss. If he can't spare his beautiful kids a few hours of alone parenting time a fortnight then I'm sorry but he is the one at fault. My son was in hospital briefly with a chest infection, I texted my mum/sis in law and him the same message just letting them know he was ok, I heard from mum/sis in law but didn't get a reply from him. I still don't understand the anger/pure vile language he has aimed at me but since I involved the police and made them aware we haven't communicated, I don't know if they spoke to him although they did say they wouldn't at the moment (my request), but that if he emailed/texted anything nasty then they won't hesitate in having a "quiet word" word with him.
So, all is good!, we are busy arranging my sons naming day/1st birthday and everyone is looking forward to it, I have gone slightly overboard but my daughter had the same and so he shall!.
We are off to a christening today, hope the church has air con and the baby doesn't screech at the important bits!, will sit at the last pew by the door, just in case! :-)
X x
Glad you're ok and the children are enjoying the holidays. I hope the Christening goes well
Thanks sparklinglime x
Hi Chacha I am glad you are all having a wonderful summer. I agree: if their dad will not see them then it is his loss. What is a naming day, is it like a christening, or is it a saint's day?
Hi All!
I am sorry for not posting sooner, the days/weeks/months have flown by, I do hope you all well and happy (ish). I was trying to find my last post, it was definitely last year around my sons 1st birthday, I couldn't find it but I do know its somewhere here. Well life as a 3 is good!. My daughter is now 6, getting taller and is currently playing out on her big bike with her friends next door, my sons is going into his 20month!, can you believe it!, he is an absolute gem, he literally is my Sonshine. He is such a happy, gentle, boy, full of beans and smiles and has a lot of blonde curly hair. He says mummy, cat, car, he loves pasta, he loves music, nursery, and above all he adores his big sister. She is amazing with him, always playing, bundling, giggling, and as much as our home is small, it's a happy home. I am good!, I have lost more weight, my hair has grown longer which I love, as much as its hard work and the days are long, I am so happy. I am still working 3 days a week doing the job I love, my experiences the last 16 months are definitely rubbing off on people I meet, I see their pain and sadness and reassure them things will be ok, it's easy to say but I tell them I know it will be ok as I am.
The children's dad hasn't seen them in over 7 months, no Christmas/birthday/Easter acknowledgements, just a text telling me to give up trying as he isn't interested in them. He seems happy to live 20 minutes away, back in the arms of the woman he left me for/then split with/then back together. I couldn't try anymore, we all tried, even the MAPS ladies who work at my daughters school wrote him a really nice letter asking for contact for our daughters sake, it was all ignored. There here have been really sad times, things my daughter has said because she is confused, she asked "is my daddy dead?, is that why he won't see me?", well it broke my heart, we both cried and I reassured her that he does love her but doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, more sugar coating but it worked. I really take it all one day at a time but everything is normal, simple and happy. Some days I lack motivation as apart from work and school we are always together, I get out sometimes but most of the time I am at home, pottering about. I have no love life and that's by choice, I feel they are so young and time is so precious that they are my main focus and I done want any distractions, I have a close family and I have so much fun with them that I don't have time for anything else!.
so there is my update!, I have to go now as lots to do as usual!
Take cacared
Hello Cha Cha
It's great to hear from you and find out your news I am so pleased that things are going well, you sound so busy and as if you are doing a great job with the children
What a terrible shame that their dad has dropped contact. All you can do is to keep saying he loves them but that he is very busy with work and things..click here to see a helpful article about dealing with this situation
Hi Cha Cha, thanks for the update, it is always good to hear how people are, it sounds as though you have settled into your 'new' life rather well
Hi Louise, nice to hear from you, I'm having a lovely weekend thanks, yesterday was a busy full on day, was out with the kiddies for lunch then set off at 4pm to attend a First Holy Communion, then a Evening wedding reception!. Was in the area I used to live so was lovely to see old faces, took my friend and my daughter and they had a great time. Took 2 hours to get home and pulled up at 1am and was up at 5.30 with the baby but was all worth it. Off to a play centre this afternoon to kill a few hours, then an early night all round ready for work tomorrow. Had lots of hugs from my friends and they told me what a great job I'm doing which was lovely to hear.
X x