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Hi ChaCha, are you wanting your (brilliant) poem to be anonymous? I will email Anna as yes they will see your posts from the user name.
Yes if possible, I thought I might have needed to change my username last night but it's all ok now. I did send through a message about it but please disregard x
Ok well I have emailed Anna
Thanks Louise 
All comments made by the author have been duly noted and the article has been editted accordingly! 
Thank you, sorry for the headache if I caused you one x
Evening all, hope your all ok...
I just wondered if anyone else here has felt like how I did last night...
I had to take myself to bed, early, as physically I felt like a very old woman ( I am 33!). I have done everything the last 13 weeks, everything to do with the children, our home, everything and all of a sudden my body started to really ache and my shoulders actually felt like I was carrying actual weights on them. It worried me a bit, the enormous responsibility I now have on my shoulders for I guess the rest of my life.
My ex does cannot (work hours) co-parent in any shape or form, and I do miss the presence of "a man about the house" sometimes, yes it's empowering being able to take on tasks I never had to do and getting them done, but the physical toll seemed to have taken its toll on my body last night. I am a cuddly girl but I am trying to eat healthier and walk a bit more everyday so I am healthy enough to run after my little monkeys and deal with the physical stuff I now have to do. I had a nice hot bath but it didn't really do much. I feel like I cannot relax....EVER. My baby is not sleeping through the night as he is teething, this wakes my 5 yr old so she creeps in with me. I don't mind though as she has school the next day so I'd rather her get good sleep in my bed rather than me trying to get her back off in her bed whilst seeing to the baby (they share a room).....
But that aside, it has really hit me the last few days that it really Is all down to me. It's funny as regarding my ex, the affair, the hurtful ness I do feel strong in my mind and the future is exciting, but my body feels a wreck!.
Any advice or tips would be great.
Thanks....
X
I do think things catch up. I also think things catch up when we feel we're doing ok too. This, I know, sounds like nagging, but are you eating properly? Perhaps vitamins can help too to give you a boost. My Mum swore that Pharmaton (I'm sure there are other similar supplements too), so when I feel things are getting on top of me, I do reach for a jar.
Also, if you have a chance for a snooze, take it. Perhaps put a DVD on that the children will enjoy while you doze.
Thanks sparklinglime, hope your ok....
I have never taken vitamins but I will try anything to help me feel better, I just want my body to match my brain if that makes sense!. I'm hoping that once my baby becomes a little toddler and is more aware, he will sit and relax with his sister and we can all chill now and again. I think I am also so wanting to keep my daughter (she's 5) busy that I'm doing myself in!.
Loosing her dad, who always had the most energy, I know have to take on his role as best I can......my body Is in shock!
x
Sorry sparklinglime, regarding your question about eating, yes I am eating alot better now. I didn't in the beginning as all I felt was sickness but my appetite has come back now thank god x
Hi ChaCha, as sparklinglime says, it does all catch up with us. We seem to be on autopilot when we need to be and just when you think you can take a bit of a breather, our bodies show us the extent of the stress we have been under.
Talking kindly to yourself and taking things gently when you feel tense and uptight are all good ways to look after yourself. It is good for your daughter to not have things planned for her 24/7, she needs to learn how to entertain herself.
Things will feel extra difficult if you are not getting a good nights sleep, so again take sparklinglimes tip of grabbing a nap if you can, or at least watch a DVD with the children and be calm. One nice thing when you are parenting alone is you are completely the boss, so can do what you want as and when you want and not have to worry about another adult.
Reminding yourself that everything will be ok, can take you a long way. Yes the future can often seem daunting, but you will be fine.
Have a look at the bottom of this article on Stress and Anxiety for ways to nurture yourself. You might also be interested in some of the things mentioned in the article Top Tips for when your child is away...I know you have the children with you, but you can still endeavour to do some of these things.
So, what are your plans for the weekend?
Thanks Anna,
I had a couple of early nights and do feel better. I also had a chat with my daughter today and explained that sometimes we need to stay home so mummy can rest but that there's lots of things we can do here and also that involve the baby, he is 6.5 months now and is a lot more aware now. She is such an outdoorsy child and I really try to get her out as much as possible but I think now the dust is settling we need to try new things at home.
I put the baby to bed earlier and for the 1st time in 14 weeks me and my daughter snuggled up on the settee under a blanket and she was telling me about the kids in her class and what they all get up to, it was a lovely, quiet moment, just the two of us and I look forward to many more!.
I need vitamins, happy positive thoughts and a few early nights and hopefully I'll be feeling slot better. I return to work in a weeks time so I'm hoping that'll help take my mind of the situation and start focusing on the future.
X
Hi Chacha
Ive only just found this site, but reading your post tonight, especially the first was kind of like reading about myself nearly 3 years ago.... how bizarre .... Funny thing is even as im writing this and thinking god its been nearly 3 years since my ex cheated and left me 14 weeks pregnant and with a 2 year old...things havent really progressed as i thought they would. For a start im still in the same house waiting for it to sell, im still married despite him apparently sending me divorce papers which never arrived, ive had a couple of relationships but my ex seems to think he still has a little bit of a hold on me ....guess he has since he still has a key to get in the house if he wants to and if he gets a sniff of a bloke he seems to suddenly appear bugging me.
Anyways just wondered how it was going for you at the moment? still early days really isnt it.
x
Hi lou1104, nice to meet you!, sorry to hear things are still up and down for you.
Well, regarding myself, I had a beautiful marriage, all was perfect, but obviously not to him. He upped and left 14 weeks ago, stopped caring and loving me, instead moved straight in with another woman literally straight Away. He promised me he'd always put his kids first and would still be about to help but it was all lies. I truly believe he thought I'd just roll over and let him have his children at his new home with HER straight away, he was very wrong!. Now 14 weeks later I am alot stronger, my feelings for him are hatred, anger, shock, and all round general negative!.
His behaviour towards me as a person/his wife/his children has been truly shocking and I will never forgive him for what he failed to do and how he has conducted himself. So on I go as a family of 3, not what I wanted but it is what it is. My kiddies are happy, it's hard sometimes but at the close of every day I'm grateful for surviving it. Im beginning to feel I am now living again, rather than existing. I did start divorce proceedings but stopped it as it was all too much, so we remain separated.
I have good days but in those days are low moments, but they soon pass as I keep telling myself it's his loss, I do feel for my children, especially my daughter as she is 5 and he was her hero but he sees her every other fortnight and we do lots in between.
I am excited about the future, I won't ever get over it, but I go around it, and who knows what the future holds. No matter how painful it is, I always loved my children more than him and this is the only life I will have so I will live it as best I can, with them by my side.
How are you doing?, did he cheat on you, then want you back?
x
ChaCha, I'm glad you had a chance to snuggle up with your daughter.
Hi lou1104
Hi ChaCha, we often talk on these boards about 'special/quality' time with each of our children and how important it is to their self esteem and wellbeing and our relationship with them.
It still surprises me some of the things that my daughter says when I am giving her undivided attention. Its fantastic!
They often are very funny and give you a real insight into their worlds, which is like a treasure, as so often we are busy fixing our broken heart, worrying about the mortgage, contact, job, debt etc etc, the little ones rarely get a look in and they are going through all sorts of emotions too.
So, what I am trying to say is, I am so glad that you had a chance to snuggle up with your daughter too
Hi Chacha,
its such a long story even i get bored now talking about it, especially since its not all done and dusted yet! We had what i thought was a perfect marriage together forever...obviously he didnt think so.... Yes he cheated and went off with another woman, (they split a year later) my son was 2 and i was 14 weeks pregnant with my daughter at the time. He came to me when i was 8 months pregnant and wanted to take my son to meet her and even offered to bring her to meet me too (how very considerate of him eh!) she was mind controlling him and even convinced him that i had cheated and the unborn baby wasnt his! he came to ask me ...to which i threw him out of the door........... the cheek of it . He spent the entire time i was pregnant been nasty to me etc.
I can honestly say i havent got over it, been deserted, humiliated etc etc and never really will either, but it doesnt stop me living my life and my children are very happy. my daughter stayed at grandmas the other night so i could take my son (5yrs) to the cinema to have some quality time together as my daughter does take over quite alot so he doesnt get as much time with me especially with him been at school all day too.
We are on talking terms but only for the childrens sake, other than that i dont really him very much, hes done so much to me over the last 3 years i dont think i'll ever forgive him... but life goes on.
Good for you though focusing on the children and getting back to work are what will help you to keep moving forward. x
Hi loulou1104, welcome to One Space
Have you ever considered going to counselling? It sounds as though there is a lot of pain and anger that is still churning around inside of you, that you could well do without.
Hi Anna, thank you.
I think that the reason i still feel everything is probably because im still in the marital home, its been on the market awhile, once i get out of this house then everything will be defined so to speak. Im not much of a talker so dont think counselling is for me, but i have very good friends who have been there for me and still are, i'll be fine, but thank you
Hi lou1104, whilst you are still in your home what could you do to make it feel more like yours? Have you rearranged the furniture since he has been gone? Or bought new pictures? New duvet cover?
You have 2 small children so life must be very busy and it must be hard when you have the constant nagging feeling of disappointment of what your ex has done.
I am glad to hear that you have good friends that you can talk to and that your mum is able to have your daughter, so that you get some quality time with your son.
What other things do you do to enjoy yourself?
Hi lou1104,
Just wondered how you've been the last few days?, my kiddies are now in bed, although not quite asleep, the baby has stirred and now is awake!, time for another bottle I think?! The late evenings don't really help little ones do they!. Whilst they were being quiet, I quickly blitzed my kitchen (it's mega small so it was quick), but I belted out Shirley Basseys, I Am What I Am!, not a massive fan of hers but the song does me wonders, why not give it a try.....
Spk soon
X
Actually, scrub that out, they are both wide AWAKE!, 5 yr old is blowing raspberries at the baby who is loving it......
I give up!
Good news.....
They are now sleeping!, mummy time x
Morning all,
I am needing to bend your ears if possible and get some advice...
My ex sees our daughter every other Sunday 10-4, right now there are no plans for him to see the baby as he won't come into our home and spend time reconnecting with him so I don't feel comfortable him taking him just yet, but that aside here's my thing.
There are a few things on the school calendar coming up, daughters first sports day and assemblies etc, now my ex does not communicate with me only by me emailing HIM to confirm the every other Sunday arrangements. There is nothing in between but if he was to email me asking how they were (which he doesn't) then I would fill him in. Thing is, should I bother telling him about the school events, I have emailed in the past about things and never heard back...
My feelings are that he doesn't deserve to know what's coming up, because the truth is, I just dont know if he would attend and that just winds me up and makes me feel for my daughter who I know would love to see him there but right now, no one can make him step up and be a decent kind of dad....
What would you do?
Morning ChaCha, you are right - no one can make him step up and be who you want him to be and I can imagine how frustrated you must feel.
However I am thinking perhaps one email that says because his daughter would love it and feel so proud if he turned up to her school events, you are writing to let him know what is upcoming.
Then you can say 'If you would like to continue to know about these kind of upcoming events, then please let me know otherwise I shan't go to the trouble of informing you'.
Then you have done your part and left the ball in his court.
Don't have any expectations, you are sending facts and nothing more.
Did you have a nice 'mummy time' yesterday evening?
That is spot on Anna, I just needed help with the wording so thank you!.
Yes, I had a lovely quiet hour to myself eventually....
I sat and read a lot of threads on here and pottered around my sleeping babies like the little domestic fairy we all are!.
X
Sounds wonderful! Did you wear a long pink dress like your Avatar?! I can just see you know, with a diamonte duster and wings! 
Anna, you really know me so well!
I am a big fan of maxi dresses, I love them and practically live in them. No wings though :-(, no such thing exists as my daughter is a tomboy and hates anything girly!
I used to give me ex a school calendar. I used to text him to remind him of things. I would even buy him a ticket to the Christmas concert in the primary school, and he usually did attend. He wouldn't go if there wasn't a spare ticket for his wife though, and with two per family, I wasn't giving up mine
Later I'd just give him the calendar and not text, as he never showed up or replied anyway.
I bought myself a maxi-dress last year, but the weather never got warm enough to wear it. Perhaps this year....
Nothing girlie about my daughter either, and she's 18!
Morning all, hope your all ok...
Compared to other peoples problems, this really is nothing, more of a bug bare!
it really really winds me up that the ADULTERESS puts in my maintenance money, I know I'm lucky to get it but I hate seeing her god awful name over my bank statement!
rant over....sorry 
Don't be sorry. Totally understand that rant. I'd find that hard.
Hasn't she got enough of what was once mine!
errrr, I dunno why I bother checking really, I know the date it goes in but I guess I needed to check it had.....
hey ho....
Thanks sparkling x
Hi Chacha
I can tell you why cheating men are such tools..................
They think they still have pulling power wether its a younger or older woman, they enjoy the thrill of the case and makes then feel good but then BANG they get found out and it isnt that much fun anymore - you find family and friends become aware and at first they dont know they whole truth except what he has told them - then it filters through and he is in a sticky situation.
They then have to stay and sort out the mess they have created or jump ship. Like mine it sounds like yours jumped ship (mine made me out the bad one god knows how that happened he was cheating 5yrs with my best friend)
They then have the baggage (this is what we are to the new bit of stuff) and the new life poss new friends and new home (the grass is not greener) and they cant cope. Then they start to wonder what the hell they have got themselves into and reaslise there is no going back. So what do they do???
They shut off from their 'family' make the best of a bad job knowing they will never be 100% happy again - he will be doing he best to please the bit of stuff he is with now and too scared to upset her for fear of him being dumped! (MALE EGO PFFFFFF)
My ex got so far in he ended up marrying 'it' and together they spend their life trying to make mine miserable the nearly suceeded. He has no contact with the children. He drove past our daughter who was quite clearly due to have a baby at any moment. Drove past my house on my sons birthday put the window down on is car (not stopping) shouted happy birthday.
Be strong I never bothered to chase my ex to see the kids personally I wouold leave him to it I knoe how hard it is and I hope mediation works for you. The children have a fantastic mummy who can provide the love of 2 parents - Ive done it twice 4 kids 2 dads my kids adore me (eldest 25). We have our ups and downs but we are a family we do family things and we have managed very nicely without him - sorry im going on one lol
Keep us posted
Big hugs
Happy Mamma x
Good post I liked that. Especially making the best of a bad job when they realise they actually had it all but that the grass seemed greener!
x
happy-mumma, thank you! All makes perfect sense. For a little while now I've been so much happier, my kids are aswell, as much as he will always be their dad, we don't need someone like that full time in our lives, he has been so cruel and brutal that he can take those traits elsewhere!.
X
hi well gon soliciters and cant get non molestation order as threats not serious enuf, even tho ex turned up wed and i ad to get police. soliciter wil send a warning letter, not even got his adress to send it, give up i really do
Well said Chacha in some ways it is fun just thinking of the arguments which are going to ensue when the fairy magic completely wears off with their new stuff! he he
Absolutely brilliant post happy mamma, you have learned a lot from your experience!
ChaCha, I would be furious too, mostly because 'why isn't he paying it??'
kiera, I will go onto your thread and chat with you there shortly.
Nice to see you Renelle
Good post happy mamma
Hi Anna,
Well I'm sure it's his money but for some reason she has to put it in my bank, whether he can't get to a bank OR she is wanting to let me know she is now his woman and does these things who knows........
X
Hi Anna,
thank you for replying. Yes i constantly change things round, i removed everything of his a long time ago and replaced all the photos with recent memories of me & my babies. ive recently sold the nursery set (cotbed, matching side board & wardrobe) and ordered my daughter a big girl bed and im in the process of selling my sons car bed and got him bunk beds (partly to get him out of my bed though & into his own) lol
Alot of my friends work part time too & some are child minders, i only work 2 full days a week so i meet up with them on my days off and weekends too. Lucky really to have such a good group of friends and a fab mum too. Plus we all have boys similar ages and girls similar ages too. We do day trips in the summer hols and every year since my little girl was born we all go to Butlins for a long weekend thats 7 adults and 9 children its mad to fabulous too.
x
Hi Chacha,
thanks for replying!
that post made me laugh about them both been wide awake how funny although probably not every night eh! haha
Not done much this week no pennies so been visiting friends and the park alot. How about you? oh and ive been cleaning, washing ironing oh the joys..... :-) Ive put alot of things on ebay too to get rid of some of the clutter in my house. My daughters new big girl bed has arrived so thats going up tomorrow she will be sleeping in it from tomorrow night so im expecting a very eventful evening of up and down the stairs and possibly keeping her brother up too lol.
Dont know whether you have already decided what to do abou the school events but i get weekly news letters and it has all the upcoming dates etc on for sports day, maypole dancing, summer fayre etc ..... what i do is send him a text with all the dates on and then thats it, i leave it up to him from there.... although last year he missed sports day, he said he put it in his planner at work but it didnt flag up ...really he just forgot my son was upset and very mad at his daddy and im sure he will remember been let down on that day and many many others but i did forward the info so my conscience (not sure if spelt that right) is clear all the mess ups are his own.
Have you started back at work now?
x
Hi Chacha,
thanks for replying!
that post made me laugh about them both been wide awake how funny although probably not every night eh! haha
Not done much this week no pennies so been visiting friends and the park alot. How about you? oh and ive been cleaning, washing ironing oh the joys..... :-) Ive put alot of things on ebay too to get rid of some of the clutter in my house. My daughters new big girl bed has arrived so thats going up tomorrow she will be sleeping in it from tomorrow night so im expecting a very eventful evening of up and down the stairs and possibly keeping her brother up too lol.
Dont know whether you have already decided what to do abou the school events but i get weekly news letters and it has all the upcoming dates etc on for sports day, maypole dancing, summer fayre etc ..... what i do is send him a text with all the dates on and then thats it, i leave it up to him from there.... although last year he missed sports day, he said he put it in his planner at work but it didnt flag up ...really he just forgot my son was upset and very mad at his daddy and im sure he will remember been let down on that day and many many others but i did forward the info so my conscience (not sure if spelt that right) is clear all the mess ups are his own.
Have you started back at work now?
x
Hi lou1104,
Nice to hear from you! I hope your daughter settles into her bed ok...my little boy is restless lately, think its his teeth, but thankfully my daughter is a deep sleeper and rarely stirs lately, I've told her she can't keep creeping in with me anymore though as she takes up too much room and in the morning I am crippled with my back!, I really enjoy having the bed all to myself now!.
Well today was officially my last EVER maternity leave day, no more babies, just work work, work, work, until I find my new RICH husband! (as if), everything Is sorted for my return to work this Monday, son is settled in nursery, breakfast club/after school club sorted for my daughter. I work three full days a week so I'm sure it'll take a few weeks for us all to settle into the new routines.
I will miss taking my daughter to school though for the days I am at work but I have made a promise that when the weather is fine, I will walk there in the afternoons and she can ride her scooter home, that way, we have some quality time together, plus some exercise as I'll be pushing the buggy as well!.
But I have to admit, I am looking forward to going back, I work in local government and in a Housing Department (might be handy one day!) and my colleagues have been AMAZING to me and my kiddies, very supportive and cannot wait to welcome me back. I am looking forward to having some good banter and the occasional saucy adult girly chats!. I also treated myself to a new work mug, I had it personalised, it reads, Keep Calm and Rise Like a Phoenix!.
I will try and post regular updates as without one space, I wouldn't feel this happy!
take care and spk soon.
X
Good luck with your return to work, ChaCha
Evening all, hope your all well....
I wondered if I could pick your brains again!! New challenges keep cropping up and I need you!.
My ex was a brilliant dad to our daughter for the 5 yrs of her life, he introduced her to many things but mostly football, now there was a big game earlier today, we popped out for a pub lunch, there was lots of kids with their dads wearing their shirts all getting excited for the big game. My daughter wore her football shirt, but she does this regularly but didn't know the team were playing, I knew but as we haven't watched a game since he left I didn't mention it. She wasn't bothered as she was having fun playing but we did catch the last few minutes if the game at home and she was pleased they won.
The thing is, when you've lived with your partners main interest for so long, and your child was "brought up" on it, it's quite hard to carry it on and it doesn't sit well with me as I don't know whether to encourage it or change the subject. She doesn't harp on about it but I know she enjoys watching it and has learnt a lot from him. I think it's sad he has introduced many things only to leave and not have the time or be present to carry it on. She is due to see him tomorrow and I know they'll talk about the game but what do I do in the meantime. The only good thing is I have cancelled the sports channels now to save some pennies but do I continue to get excited about the team and also my son, when he's older, may want to get into it so does that mean I have to learn the offside rule!
This also applies to certain other sports/cartoons etc.....
Really not sure...
X
Oh no, not the offside rule!!!
Well it's generally a good idea to be guided by them, I reckon, ask them if they would like to watch, what they would like to do. Just give them the opportunities and follow their lead. It sounds fun all the children getting excited and wearing their shirts.
The good news is that it is not too taxing. I have brought up two boys and had to feign interest in a variety of foul things including Power Rangers, WWF wrestling, Pokemon and the English cricket selectors' board. It is very easy to pick up snippets of info about things and even now I throw in odd remarks like "It's about time Monty Panesar was recognised",which make my sons think I know a lot more than I do, heh heh
How's this weekend going, Cha Cha? Are you enjoying the sun?
Anna/Louise, how do I contact you privately? X