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hiangry how are u, hope u are ok, what have u bin uptox
Hi kiera
i get down sometimes i'm tired of fighting this battle everything i do seam to hit a brick wall, i know he
wont get residence but i still have ss on my back writing rubbish on their reports and thats what worries me when judges see what they say about me. i can't even complain and change sw because its too near court and wont look good on me, or would it? Not sure what to do, i can do a statement and revoke what they say but surely be better if there was a better report in the first place
at moment he has contact through centre until his girlfreind has been checked when i asked why wasn't she checked in the first place ss said x had promised he wouldn't be with her when he has contact,. thats rubbish as ss knew damb well that he was seeing her
i still need legal advice as dont have a solicitor so i will ring womensaid today
Hows it going with you? hope its going to plan for you be really glad when this crap is over
xx
Hello abt, yes do ring women's aid and you must, must get a solicitor. Is it half term in your neck of the woods?
hi angry how are u, i have court tomorrow, goinnon my own,gutted,my friend cant go with me now, trying not to think bout it thox
hi kiera
Be strong you are a fantastic mother just stand up for yourself. he has already proved what he is like and they will see that. Best wishes
Please let me know how it goes, can't u see if you can take someone else do think you need the support
xx
hi angry, well it was adjourend til june 21st, ex as to do drug test again, and they are lookin into to teneriefe and what he did to me, he was charged but he said he wasnt, i want them to look into it, victum support sat with me, i didnt have to go in court, but saw ex. he walked out of court, he gave me propa look, victum support guy walked me bus station,glad it over with, well til june,x
Typical they drag it out all the time, yes good they are looking into what he done and you didnt have to go in. but seeing him it's hard isn't it. well done. my court not till april and it's for one and half days i'm dreading it, i'm desparetly trying to find a solicitor or advocate free as i can't afford to pay one. anyway keep strong and try and have some good times to keep you going until next time xx
hi angry yes its good they are lookin into what he as done to me abroad, im glad, there was a trial u see but he didnt go of course, he would of got 2 years, judge told me that, thanks hun for replying, x
Hello abt, you are looking for some legal help but money is tight. Are you not entitled to legal aid? (I know lots of people aren't) it's pretty unlikely that you would find any free legal help that is not covered by legal aid but your local Citizen's Advice Bureau may have a solicitor there who can give general legal advice
Hi kiera, glad court is over for the time being, I will chat to you on the other thread
Hi Kiera,
I am still having a hard time and getting so sick of it its now making me ill. Social worker stopped contact didn't he because he said they need to investigate his girlfriend
so when i was in london seeing my accountant got a phone call saying he was allowed to collect her from school, asked why he said because he promises he has finnished with girlfreind. i said what about the fact he could be lying and he aint seen her since xmas and whats the point of saying that at the conference meeting then? and he just said court order over rules it, now since x having her she come home in a terrible mood and was really uncontrollibly naughty she told x that nan kicked her and he told her he is going to slap nanny, and he told her it was mums fault he couldn't see her because he was waiting for me to say he could. so that it he's back to his normal tricks, i am now going to get the blame and he's going to get away with doing what ever he likes. and shes upset. he should be allowed, and he is calling her on the days he brings her back and other times. today he called and told her don't forget he is still going to slap nanny and she said to me not to tell social worker
i'm not going to because he don't beleive anything i say and it will end up twisted round so i get the blame
i have a solicitor from cab to see tuesday just hope she listens and supports me, i have decided i'm going to write everything down and print off loads of pictures of her happy with me and i'm going to say this system is wrong and needs changing and emotional abuse reconised in the court and i'm going to hand it directly to the judge himself
glad ur better kiera xx
Hello abt, Glad you have a CAB solicitor and also the written account sounds a great idea. I am a bit puzzled about your daughter saying nanny kicked her, where did that come from? Is that directed against your mum?
hi angry how are u, ur ex is back to playing games again, typical, they dont let up do they, im ok, i block court out til the day i have to go,best way,i dread the post tho all time, just incase its a soliciter letter,just hope court cums to right desicion and give no contact,x
hi, yes well she was it a terrible mood and tantrum and i had a job controlling her, she was running away and when i had hold of her she was pushing, biting and scratching my mum tried to get hold of her telling her to calm down but my mum would never kick her maybe in the struggle she hurt her leg but i think it's because of all what her dad is telling her and she beleives him so she telling tales, its same with me she want to tell tales on me to social worker so she told him that i'm smacked her about a year ago on the back of her legs, well i may well have done at that time because she was running away from me she wouldn't listen and it was dangerous near a busy road, i don't like smacking and i try to avoid it but if its the last resort and shes in danger i would
Hi abt, have you spoken with social services about what has been happening with contact? If you are having issues with the social worker that is assigned to you, have you considered making a complaint?
Hi,
i was told by the chair at the conference meeting that it would be too complicated to change social worker and would look bad on me when i go to court as they would think i'm trying to get out of the situation. i told her he wouldn't let me have a copy of report and she said if i have any problems with it it can be changed that hasn't happened
they said that its out of socials hands now as there is a special guardian but thats rubbish because court have asked for socials report plus he should attend and only seen guardian once so how on earth she going to do a report? she said she wont do one untill he has had his health and alcolhol test but he hasn't so i dont know if she will now
i am going to revoke the social workers reports at court
hello abt, I can hear how horribly frustrating this is for you. is it worth contacting the guardian again?
Hi abt, have you been in touch with Family Rights Group (click) to find out your rights?
hi, it's getting beyand a joke, x knows that he can do or say what he likes, so i had social round telling me that x says the reason he didn't have contact after xmas for 2 months was because he has been investigated by the police for murder and goverment for fraud and that he has had to move house, he says it's all my fault because i have reported him which i told ss that i have not made any reports. he is just trying to blame me and get me into trouble, but then again he could have been investigated because he has moved and what was he doing for those 2 months? i dont want my daughter going to his house which by the way i dont even know where she will be if he has and if he is lying then it just goes to show what lengths to his lies he will say to try and get away with his plans and me to get blamed.he's a nutter, social worker said he prob is lying and he's concerned that we both make allegations and our girl will be effected, thats not true as i'm only trying to protect my daughter i stopped him from talking on the phone because he was telling her he's going to hit her nan and telephone contact is not on court order so i dont have to put up with his harrassment and abuse so then he said he would collect her from school yesterday. he didn't but today he is due to collect her for the weekend. i'm going to write a revoke against ss to court and do my statement, can't see solicitor untill next thursday. is going on forever?
this sounds like such a difficult time angrybitterandtwisted. I am so sorry to read it. So he didn't collect your daughter from school yesterday? Has he now collected her for the weekend?
yes, he was threatening to collect her yesterday because i didn't let him talk to D
and he wasn't due to have contact untill today. yes he has collected her school told me i can't do anything because they need to see paperwork and social worker said he is most prob lying about the plolice and fraud investigation and when he sees x he says allegations against me and then he said when he sees me i make allegations about x and so he dont know who to beleive.except I Haven't made allegations. i think he don't want the hassel and he is clearly on x side .. he said he would investigate i bet he doesn't cause he always says that and they he dont, he didn't investigate the facts that x has had no contact with his x wife and 3 kids, he still hasn't had alchol test he's managed to avoid, still no doctors reports, load loads lies even when proof that he lies social worker is taking no notice!!! unbeleivable imcompetant
It sounds as though the social worker can see through what is going on?
I know it must feel as if it is going on forever, and certainly the processes can be quite long winded. Thursday may seem a long time away to see the solicitor but with everything that is going on, in one sense it is good to enable you to get your head round everything and feel a bit calmer about the situation
Can you have some relaxation over the weekend?
hi angry how are u today, wots bin appeningx
It's s**t, apparently he can carry on drinking lying and avoiding tests, not see her for 2 months, say he's been investigated by police for murder, benefit fraud so its my fault he didnt see her cause i reported him (never), take her when its not his contact time, send abusive text, tell her he's going to slap nanny and still have his fortnightly overnight contact plus he's moved house and i don't know where she is because he's in hiding!!! ridiculas this man is a dangerous liar and even if he's lying about instigation why has he moved again and blaming me as to why he didn't see her for 2 months. p***ed off with school as they allow him to collect her wheni told them no
aw god i cant believe it,my ex same with his drug test, he delaye dit for 5 half months,and cafcass even said tht, and he put dye on his hair, yet they are gicvin him another chance,how can they get away with this s**t , when is ur next hearingx
Yes they get away with it cause the authorities just can't beleive or see what is actually happening because they are utterly useless and dont live in the real world they live on the back of a banana boat, sorry but it p*****s me off really how they beleive a liar and the innocent party gets the blame. what has he got to do for them to get it in their thick heads hes bad. It's all wrong and he and social should be locked up, if this was in a civil court they would cause this system allows them to break the law and nothing is done about it. we need justice... aaaarrrrggghh i'm so ANGRY
hi i dont no how my ex isnt locked up,mean police raided his home last nov and found rifle, drugs and knuckle duster, twice they raided his homein nov,and his family was in house, yet hes not locked up, he was very agressive with police and stil not locked up, wot hell does he av to do, xim glad so far hes not allowed any contact, but we will see in june at hearing,he as to do another drug test, and not allowed cut his hair, we will seex
be interested to know what results have other women in similar situation have had, whats happened at their final hearing and is it all a waste of bloody time effort and money and these stupid p******g men still have contact and are able to carry on recking lives?
sorry still **ckin angry
we should all get together sign a statement stating that theres hundreds of women going through same s**t (yes ok i know it does happen to 25% men but lets face the truth it's mainly men that do it isn't it!!! abuse ) and there needs to be a change in the law. family courts need to reconise:
1. abuse and the lies they use the system to gain access
2. social services bullying tactics thats wrong and they should also have more training and should only be able to gather real evidence.use lie detector tests, physco anaylisis, drugs and alcolhol breath blood test on the spot unannounced visits
3 protection from slander and hear say allegations. more laws as in civil courts
4 inocent until proof not guilty until proven
and the truth is a man who abuses their mother isnt a good father end ofx
Hi abt, i think the courts are already aware of the statistics as they probably see them come through there doors everyday.
As Louise has already said this can be a really lengthy process, will they be doing CAFCAS reports etc as they generally do in these types of situations? Have you managed to look at that report yet? your solicitor should get all this type of information so that they know what they are dealing with when they go to court.
Maybe the courts are aware but the social worker (whom courts listen to) don't know whats going on and he been sucked in my him. don't know if cafcas will as i approached before but they just left it with social and the court asked for a guardian, only seen her once so don't know how she can make a report? might not have a solicitor again because she's checking that i'm elegible. looked at report yes same nonsence stuff where social try and make me look bad and got him still playing games, ringing to talk to daughter when he knows she goes to scouts then telling them i'm not letting him talk to her, then him blaming me saying i reported him when i didn't and why didn't social investigate his girlfreind a year ago, why didn't he investigate his x wife and 3 kids that he hasn't seen, why listen to his constant lies, hes managed to avoid tests collect her when its not been his week and so on, sometimes i dont say nothing to them because it just is used against me
So frustrating, abt! Please write down briefly and factually what has happened with dates, I know it is hard but keep emotion out of it ie angerand frustration with him and the way the authorities are going on.
With regard to the school, is he supposed to pick your daughter up sometimes but not others? If so, that is hard for the school to police, whereas if he is NEVER supposed to pick her up then I think you have grounds for an official complaint and if you do get a solicitor then a letter to the school could be in order. As for reports, I find that CAFCASS etc often only see each party once.
hi angry how are u today, wots bin appeningx
not good, solicitor can't help me, not enough time. i told her i will represent myself and she said can i handle cross examining x and social etc. I think that it will be fine as last time i didn't have anyone and when i was in court they didn't do that they just said what was on statements and what contact he has and when.
it maybe cancelled because x hasn't had alcolhol test or doctors reports
tired of it dragging on and meanwhile he's still telling her she's going to live with him soon
so really there has been no progress since last year only that he has had more time than ever to emotionally mess her head up
hi hun same with my ex,he tuk 5 half month do drug test and when he did he used hair dye, so court was adjourned as he as to do anova drug test, hes not allowed cut his hair, so we wil see, ive ad 3 hearings, want it to end, im glad he isnt seein my little girl, dreadin if he gets contact, when is court hunx
Sounds like you have got it sussed abt but you must be feeling so fed up of it dragging on.
Hi kiera
It's bit silly it drags out so long but they can see your x is violent and he wont possibly get contact. why does he even think that he could? they must think courts can be fooled? no these men are complete idiots if they do
My x is emotionally a nascistic Psychopathic liar but will the courts see the damage he's doing? that's what i worry about surely they wont let him have residence and if he can't have supervised visits then none
yes louise i don't want to live like this anymore and still have the social interference
hi hun well i think my ex thought he take me court and just get acces and no 1 wud do any checks, he was very much mistaken,cos it allcame out bout him in court, but he cud stil get contact hun thts the thing, violent men get contact, cafcas slady said to me well he asnt assaulted child as he, when i said why is he getin chnace after chance, god he delayed drug test for months anbd then put dye on his hair, and we no why, yet hes getin chance to do another one, im glad tho courts asre lookin into teneriefe and tht he was charged, he said he wasnt charged so im glad thye see how serious the assault was on me,x when are u due incourt hunxx
hi kiera
court hearing supposed to be 4th april, i always worry about it wandering what will they say, but i would rather them delay the final hearing and presure him to have his test as they can't make a proper decision otherwise.
It's a nightmare isn't it? such a headache surely our children will be protected from these evil idiots and we can live in peace
let's pray it gets sorted and soon
xx
hi well was meant b lastb hearin feb when i went, but adjourned cos of drug test and they want to luk into wot he did to me in teneriefe, which im glad, my hearin june 21st, it is nightmare, i ad dream bout ex last night, shook me up, he ad hidden camera in my mates pocket, spyin on m,e but then we was alone and i stil love dhim, but i wudnt touch his hand , felt all upset this mornin, mad init. xx
Hi abt, so are you going to represent yourself next Thursday?
kiera, those dreams are awful aren't they, when you feel so much love and affection for your ex and wake up feeling very close to them.
Hi anna, yes i am representing myself as no choice really tried to get help but can't afford anyone, the court hearing has been ajourned but still going for a directions hearing cause he aint had test, so i shall still give statements
Kiera yes it is upsetting this man has broken your heart, and it does hurt, i loved my x and thought we were going to be together forever, when i think of all the things he said and done i start crying my eyes out, thats how i feel but i dont love him anymore every time i think of our time together i just remember all the nasty crual stuff and the fact that he can't love me or care about me if he could do all that, he is not capable of love and when i left him realising everything had been a lie, he's not getting any of my love ever again i hate what he did and i shall never ever forgive or forget it. he only loves himself. i get upset over what he did that doesn't mean i have any feeling for him. i'm angry, hurt, bitter. i had given myself to him and thats how he paid me. as far as i feel i would rather i dont ever see him or hear from him again but thats impossible because of our child. and people say we should forgive them and move on, well no thats not how it works someone can't do all that to you and why should we forgive them, they get away with all this sh*t and they should pay, and i have moved on i'm busy in my life and need him like a hole in the head, i'm earning money, having happiness and positive about the future. just want this court stuff to end and let us live in peace. It's perfectly normal to have nightmares it's your mind sorting out your feelings. and it is sad as you want him to be a loving person but he's not, sometime in the future you can meet a normal caring guy that respects you and wont treat you like that so save your love for him as he will appreciate it. and don't worry it takes a long time to heal from your ordeal so be easy on yourself.
abt XX
Hello abt
You are right that it takes a long time, and you talk about expectations of other people, such as "moving on" etc but truly only those whon have been through it know how hard that is. Sadly, the bitterness IS a burden for the one who feels it and that is so unfair but I guess that I would encourage you to deal with those feelings in due course so that you can break free of this....don't think it is going to happen soon though as you need to get court done and dusted before you can put any energy into that emotional side of things.
We will be thinking of you on Thursday 
well i'm still fed up now, the court was ajourned till i don't know when, still no hope of a solicitor or anyone to represent me, and theres something really wrong with social my girl told me sw had asked her who she wanted to live with and she told him mummy but she says he wrote daddy on his report, plus same happened when guardian lady asked her at her dads. (i think guardian and social are doing it together) i recorded what my girl said and i wander if it would be good to ask her appointed solicitor to talk to her?) don't think they should keep asking her anyway so not sure what to do and is her solicitor just another social connection or is she really independant?
hi angry, ur court adjourned, myn is to, gutted, wot wil appen nowx
u no bin avin mad thoughts, thinkin wot if see ex and old feelings cum bk and start seein him again, even tho look wot he as dun to me, how can i even think like tht, plus if i dee seehim social b on my case, i say i hate him, yet i think them thoughts, cos i love dhim, and when it was gud it was so gud, gutted even nowx do u feel same or is it just me lol
Hi Kiera,
I know how your feel and it's because you loved him and when you get those feelings cause you want that love again, but remember everytime you feel like that, it was all onesided, you loved him but he didn't love you it was all a lie and he done all that to you, you must keep strong and don't even be tempted because it's a roundabout i used to make excuses for him and keep taking him back, and you can't because your lose your kid, you need to continue de-loving him and get those thoughts out of your head!! and he could try and get round you which would only lead to the same situation now. cause thats how it was with me and he was really nice at first then he started abuse again and get worse each time. just remind your self that he lies he's violent and only loves himself otherwise he wouldn't have done any of this and you desearve a real loving trusting man. i still get upset now and think why am i crying and it's because i loved him and want that feeling back but also very hurt cause of all what he's done to me, i know it's going to take a long while to heal but i know there is no way on this earth i will ever trust him and try again never because i'm saving my love for someone that deserves it
keep all that bad things in your head what he has done and drowned any of those feelings xx
thank u for reply hun, i appreciate it, i no u are ryt, i lost count how many times i thru hus bag clothes out,loads times, it was a roundabout ur right, same old, cudnt understand it thox
Hi abt, I am sorry to hear that the court was adjourned, that is so frustrating isn't, you just want things to move forward.
Any queries you have around your daughter talking to her solicitor etc you need to direct to Family Rights Group as we aren't experts in how social services works Im afraid.
kiera I have written a response to you in your thread with regards to the message you have left here, as I didn't want to hijack abt's thread! Have a look here!
hi angry how are u, thank u for ur reply on april 5th, u are very right i no, mad how i feel, how are things goin with ux
hi angry hope ur ok,thinking of ux