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Hi hazeleyes, i went out bargain xmas shopping as son with dad. got home late but only two buses a day. housework is not done, ironed uniforms though. had tea. straightened hair as wind and rain today left it looking like a mohecan chicken (cant spell).
Got early morn again-work then personal appointment then collect child and pal for their tea, drop pal back at home.
Not heard from x since fri-told him id had old male friend over since we split. only said it as he said he wanted to warn me that i may see him with ex mrs and her children (none are his). hes upset about me n my life but thinks its fine to brag about his life. fill your boots i say. she wants his money, thats all. i say buy me out and put her in here PLEASE. at least it will allow me to move out fast. wont happen but woul dbe IDEAL.
seen a fab house or two. just need to sell....
time to go. brain needs to turn off.
ttfn to all.
Hi Bella
Glad you got out and about, though the weather sounds horrendous there!
Hope today goes well and it will be great to see your son again 
Day was good yesterday but i really felt tired.
Busy at work today but got conformation that i got paid. im on less than £5 hour and had to go into debt to get a car and all that entails. i need petrol constantly. up to now iv spent over £150 since mid nov.
Then to top it all-ex rang, was nasty and text me that he wants everything that we jointly bought/saved for as we were a couple n he paid/i saved his money for it. no mention of the thousand(plus) i used of my money which has now gone.
Im now struggling to put petrol into car. i have enough to run car this week n maybe a few days into next week. i cant gte fired from job as i wont get job seekers for a few months. stuck, really stuck.
Dear Bella
The legal minimum wage for workers over 21 is £6.08 per hour. Are you not getting that?
I apologise if I have said this before but is it possible to get a mortgage holiday so you don't have that to pay? You're right: you do need fuel for the car. When is your chld tax credit/child benefit due?
HI Louise, i got paid £200 and thats for 40 hrs and few overtime hours.
I dont pay the mortgage as ive already paid cash for half the property (the m.gage is in both names, although its his share which is equal to my share).
I have to pay all the bills which is as expected but the council tax seems to be payable at £30 week, petrol is more, school lunches, managed to get a lower amount for gas and elec so only pay £97month. then there is life insurance, etc.
He wants to ask an exorbatant amount to sell the house. i need to sell n move asap, not selling cheap but sensibly. i cant stay here but he is ok with having me look after the place for hijm. I may end up getting house blacklisted soon.
tax creds due weds. its not much though-£70 something and about £54 somthing. i dont drink, go out, have nice clothes. i buy clothes at charity shop and donate there too. i need to run teh car and pay off the debt of that. thats a family loan so its not like they will sue me for late payment, thankfully.
I have stopped my solicitor as i cant get legal aid as income is too high.
Im fighting a losing battle against an ex who is on £3000.00 a month.
Im fed up of complaining, where does it get me? no where.
Hi Bella
Is there any way you can fit in an appointment with the citizens advice?
You are working below minimum wage, as Louise has said. That means your employer is breaking the law.
See if you can get three valuations on the property and put it on the market. Have to say my ex didn't want to sell and it was two months before he agreed. No choice anyway due to his debts.
You do need some help here to sort out you finances. They are fantastic.
Perhaps they can help too with regards to a mortgage holiday.
I was lucky in that I did qualify for legal aid with my divorce, but had to agree to repay it from the sale of the house - but there wasn't enough equity.
Your ex is being a plonker, and that is something that really can't be solved as he will believe he's right.
Looking at your wage you should be working about 32 hours.
Personally, I just feel that seeing someone at CAB would possibly help get things down in writing and make things more logical and possibly manageable.
Loads of hugs.
Hi, sparkling- my employer is a governmental department so they cant be cheating me. maybe the £200 was for less than two weeks, i dont know as i havent got a wage slip yet.imnew so maybe ive had to pay too much tax? the council dept know what im on and they say im on far too much. its not worth me begging them again to look at my case. i know most of the staff on the hotlines to the benefits dept!!
I dont have time to see cab. i dont have time to see my solicior re the split of ex and me. i also cant afford to pay solicitor. he intends to take his charges from the sale of the house. he says i SHOULD get a little back from my 95000.00 pounds. im going to have to go legal though as ex and i cant talk now.
im amazed at how perfect he is and i never saw it. all his family know he is perfect too, and they know what a horror i am. how did i miss how utterly wonderful he is??
Well i had better go.
You're letting him dictate to you with the house when he has no right to. It is shared and you want your equity too. As the children are with you, that could well be more than 50%.
I got 75% - but as my solicitor said 75% of nothing is nothing... I did get £2500 though. I had wanted my inheritance back at least (£16000) as I'd put this into the property, but it just wasn't there.
A lot of people found The Git to be perfect, but I've left them behind. Three have wanted to get in touch with me, but I told them that I'd moved on. Support at the time would have been better, not a couple of years down the line when they saw the light.
Yes, I see where you're coming from with the salary. It gets quite complicated when its over the Christmas period too to work out what the salary will be.
Hi Bella
Hopefully you will get a decent settlement from the house. You say you have no time to see your solicitor but if you are working at weekends then you must have a day off in the week? I do think that there might have been too much tax paid o your wages but also you should have a contract that says how much you are being paid per hour, have they given you this yet?
Morning.
Hello, sparkling lime, hope you are well today. im waiting for the newest valuation on the house. However ive been thinking that IF my income is slightly less than i thought, I MAY gte a little more help with living costs.i will be able to breathe a little easier during xmas and no immediate rush to move into a crumby housing area, just yet.will have to see.
We have managed to talk which was ok. At least we were civil.
Im managing and hope this is the poorest period of my life and things will improve. im sure they will.
Louise, i didnt read your message properly (sorry,) i dont have a contract that says how much im on hourly. it says pro rata, per annum. i had to go online to work out how much it means you earn. now i know. if i had worked it out before, i wouldnt have gone for the job. Now i need to get a fulltime job elsewhere. i do love my job and think i will miss being out and about (im part gypsy, according to family tree!).lets see.
Saw a crummy house to rent. Ex wont sell at the cheapest-fair enough its low but i cant ask the highest as it wont shift. he wont accept this. he said you cant sell without me agreeing. grr. i miss him (or i miss the NICE bits!) and he misses me. he wants to return, desperatly. however he has been gone far too long and im managing, fair enough, im not Really managing but it MUST get better. Confused all over again.
roll on when i can know how much (little) i have income and then know my next step. wont be long. reckon by end of january it will be a bit brighter in this house.
Ah yes I see what you are saying, Bella. As far as the house sale is concerned if he is a joint owner then you do need his consent to sell BUT it may be that you get a court order to sell, see what your solicitor says.
Ive been on a benefits checker site and it confirmed my child tax and wft, which was comforting. It also gave me info that i can get a little council tax help too. Ive got a fight on my hands convincing the dept but im entitled to £6 a week help.It may be the difference between renting a nasty little place or staying here a bit longer.
Im not seeing my solicitor until i get my wageslip as he needs to assess how much i owe up to now. if its a lot then i wont use him again. Have to wait and see.
Did you contact your mortgage provider?
Hi, no sparkling,
i didnt contqct them as i dont have any paperwork/account details/etc on it. he pays it and all the details go to him at his "secret" address (i know it though).i have to trust that he is paying it and therefore protecting my money too.
he wants back in and keeps telling me that he has been saying this for ages BUT HE MADE NO ATTEMPT WHATSOEVER TO WIN ME BACK. He never tried but had his life with his family and now hes fed up there, he thinks he can simply just come back in!!sorry im angry that he can be so self centred.
Anyway, on a positive note, when i get wage slip i can finally beg them to reconsider my claim for a little handout towards tax bill. if i have full amount to pay then i need out asap. he wont sell house without making a profit-no one is selling for a profit nowadays-so we argue over that.im also going to show solicitor my wage slip and he may advise that i can get help towards his bill and therfore im tempted to use him to settle this. ex and i cannot sort it out. he asked me to stop legal stuff so we could talk, i did, but nothing is settled.
Grr. men! (obviously my son is going to be a Wonderful man!)
let u know how its panning out when i get slip. prob start new year with new ideas as to how we get this settled. New yr, new start and all that.
Good morning Bella,
Don't hold your breath about the Legal Aid; if you have a decent amount of equity in property then often this rules you out. However, once you get your wage slip then things can get moving one way or another and if your ex does not want to sell you can ask your solicitor about getting a court order. It's my guess that he IS paying the mortgage....the result of him not paying it wold eventually be that the mortgage company would sell the house, and probably at a lower price, all of which he does not want to happen.
Are you at work today?
Hi louise. im not working today. its my very first weekend off since starting job. Yes, the solicitor said that the costs of selling and his costs and court costs are to be taken from my house value. he reckons there is a chance that i will walkaway with a little amount hopefully. Looks like it could cost me my planned next house. i know where i want ot live but i need every penny to get there. if i lose even ten thousand then i will have to spend the rest of the balance on renting a hovel.
Ex reckons hes paying lots out-but he is often going out on the pub crawls etc now-so he must have some money! (he/we never used to go out. his taxi alone must be thirty pounhds.) Anyway, im tired so ignore me.ha.
Glad you have a day off, even though you are so busy. It's difficult NOT to be bitter about what ex partners get up to, especially where money is concerned...and I have done my fair share of that myself.....the one thing I can tell you is that I felt better when I could put it behind me.....
Thanks Louise, im just trying to take each day as it comes. the lies etc dont help.
Im trying to furnish the house with things that he hasnt used-its a territorial thing, i guess. Im looking at the sites on line and local to me, for a sofa. son will need little bed as he has a double. he is getting ready for a new smaller place. he is very good, not complaining. He knows xmas wont be as busy or gifts as numerous as in past years.
We are getting there...slowly. Good that i have this site. a gift to have found it.long may it exist.
Glad that it is helping I agree about the possessions thing, one of the first things I did as soon as I had separated from my husband was to rush out and buy a picture of my OWN choice to put on the wall. I still have it there nowe (13 years later)....and then I rearranged the bedroom
Hi, louise im not allowed to hang my fabulous pictures. they are very large and very heavy so admittedly they need specialist hanging screws (?). Im saving them for the next place. I have changed my sofa though.
And rearranged the living room.
And the dining room.
And the bedroom.
Im not working until tonight-childcare probs been sorted. This is getting me dwon-constantly dropping child off at whoever will help out.(only have two options). Im working for nothing and im better off on dole. I should have looked into the job wage properly. if i had known the amount i wouldnt have taken it.
Not sure if its due to money or xmas or what but my antidepressants are not lifting me. May see doctor again.
Hi Bella. It's probably everything at the moment, but good idea to see your doctor. Sorry you're feeling low, hopefully once Christmas is out of the way, you can then concentrate fully on the house situation. You've also got the added worry of childcare, always having to find someone to look after your son must be a huge stress for you.
Thanks for comforting words, Hazeleyes. How are you feeling today? improving health, i hope.
I need to realise there are worse off people than me out there. Maybe its as its xmas and we were supposed to be having our "family" xmas in this house and now we are not.
Im having the secret guilt of knowing ex wants to spend it here and son would be happy but im not up for it. i need to protect myself from arguements and there would be some once the novelty wore off/by the end of the day. As long as son doesnt know i can change the day, then im ok. Hope ex wont tell him as ex pops back to house for belongings sometimes.
Sorry to moan, i need to get a grip and grow up.
You're not moaning. You have so much to deal with Bella.
I sometimes feel that what goes on in our world is like a thorn. I know there are worse things happening around me - awful things. Yet the pain you're going through matters to you.
It's not that we don't care, sometimes we do 'just' need to concentrate on our world.
I'm just sorry things are so hard.
Not moaning at all Bella. Yes, there are others worse off, but our problems matter just as much, we're living with our own issues, and I do thank my lucky stars that I have a happy healthy child, but sometimes I think our day to day stuff is like trying to climb a ruddy mountain, and never quite reaching the top.
Hi Bella
I was just saying on the other thread that it might be a good idea to go to the doctor.
As for "moaning".......let's imagine you have broken your leg and it really hurts. Does it stop the pain because you know someone else has TWO broken legs? No, it doesn't. It can help you try to be a bit braver but you still have your own things to deal with.
And sometimes, others can't do much to help except stand alongside you and say "We understand" And we do.
Hi Hazeleyes, louise and sparkling, and all,
im still taking my herbal lifters. i dare not stop them just in case i needed to keep taking them for weeks to see a diference. I will fit in a visit to the doctors in the new year as im working and have child whenever im not working. I have to see doc anyway after my "emergency" scan (im waiting for letter to come...).
Ive had two very hard days at work and in personal life. (Nothing to do with ex, i havent heard from him so its easier.) I drove home last night after work, in the pitch dark and the radio was playing xmas songs about family etc. I just drove on in tears. Im now not sleeping and was working an early this morning. Im tired out.
Oh anyway, there is always a light on the horizon. Im looking for mine.
Thanks to everyone on here. Sorry im moany and then settled till the next time, im not normally this flakey, honest! x
I can only reiterate what I said in my last post...it is Ok to have a moan, and we do understand 
Yes it sounds a good idea to discuss it all with the GP. Are you working right up till Saturday?
Hi, louise,
Sorry, only juist read your suggestion about docs (brain not working!). Got tomorrow off but cant get into see her. Can make appointment to see her or one of them, after christmas. Im quite angry that i may need outside help due to working stress and splitting with partner. He is living in lap of luxury-and i DO mean that-and would love to know im not coping. He would offer to return and love the power he would have over me needing him.GRRR (sorry, teeth back in head!).
spending day with child, he needs wrapping paper and small gifts for sisters. he has worked alll year to earn money to buy them himself. im trying to teach him to save and not borrow.
Hazeleyes, that mountain top is within sight-at the moment but the day has only started. it could go either way.
Oh did anyone see "lost christmas" with eddie izzard? we saw it and we sat together, bonding,on sunday. very good.
Better go. dont want to waste the day. child asleep so will tidy till he wakes.
Have to say I've been tidying while these are sleeping too. So much easier.
Just put a bag of clothes out as the Salvation Army should be collecting them today. I hope they are collected...
I have to say Bella that I think the NRP enjoys having no responsibilities. They could chose to be responsible, of course... Still makes me mad after all these years.
Hello friends,
Have done a little shopping. son was angry at having to come but thats life. i only have a little time in which to do things then im back working. he was having a strop whilst i was driving and i burst into tears. I was so embarrassed. i had to explain, whilst looking for a parking place, about being stressed as i was trying to give the family a perfect xmas but i cant as i wasnt planning on being alone, skint till get wages sorted and feeling tired all the time. I KNOW i should have just shut up as it didnt help anything. he was quiet for a min then carried on being a pre-teen. I feel this year is the last one he will be needing me and wanting a hug (rare but does happen).
Im okay but just had to come here and tell you. Im getting a bit more relaxed, maybe eit helped to take the pressure off. now he knows.
Sparkling-i have large empty boxes on the landing. they are there for when we move.i should move them before xmas but put them where?? Ive done the charity shop donations. cant get rid of more stuff just incase i need in next place.
plus ex may accuse me of throwing his stuff away. (he has claimed that my boyfriend has been going through his belongings and moved them around!! I told him i had had a male mate around for coffee. The person came over twice. there is nothing going on. i havent seen or heard from him in months as he was only a pal. however ex still got nto head that im sleeping around! never in a month of sundays. There is no boyfriend. dont think i will ever trust again. Im single forever unlike him...)
There are worse things to be, like him, haha.
Oh just made a funny. (i cheered myself up with that comment! GO ME!!)
Hi Bella
It probably did your son some good to hear things from your point of view. Teens and empathy don't really go hand in hand and they need to learn that we are people as well as parents. Did you get all your shopping done?
I agree. I think it does help for them to know that you're doing all you can and that it is affecting you.
Hope you're okay Bella. xx
Hello all, (awake for work 04:45, on day off!!)
Yes im okay. im dreading the teen years proper. his dad wont "talk" to him (made me and my ex explain about birds and bees). Son is 11 but its already getting to the stroppy stage. Then he returns to being my little boy! we both mixed up.
Ex text (last week)that he moving away from area. also his dad was to come for his stuff, said i would arrange when im off so he can enter building and get the three rooms full of things.Im dreading it happening.
Still no word from him about selling up. i need to know the price he wants to ask and the agents he wants to use. He said, in a temper, to speak through solicitors as he moving away but this will entail more costs. he can afford them, i cant and he knows it.grr again.
almost xmas, friends, are you all ready? Dont forget its only a sunday lunch we are stressing over. The gifts, be they small or cheap, well, "people who mind dont matter and people who matter dont mind", as someone once said. There is always next year.
Son getting up soon so i will wash pots etc now.
Oh Bella it is so annoying when you wake up early on your day off isn't it?
You're right it is a Sunday dinner.....I had to laugh yesterday because my son said will you be Ok cooking the Xmas dinner on your own Mum? and before I had chance to suggest a bit of hands on help from him and his brother, he quickly added "...but that's a good thing, more than one cook and you can have a argument" Nice try, my son, but you will be doing the washing up!
What are you up to today?
Ha, louise, my son will also be doing the pots, well drying them. He got pocket money put into bank for a year and cashed it in last week. (he bought little gifts for family from some of the money).
Im taking ownership of a sofa tomorrow-im usng the car insurance money ive saved until i can replace it from wages-any day now. WE were supposed to be getting one with ex but ive done it on my own. He will HIT THE ROOF when he sees it. Did last time i bought something which wasnt here when he lived here.
Need to look in freezer in garage,see where (mini) turkey crown is and see how long need to defrost. working next two days so need to venture into the cold soon.
whatever i havent bought, i will have to go without.
Yes turkey can take a bit of time to defrost, I have got some turkey in a foil tin ready basted, in the freezer, exactly enough for Christmas dinner and that's it.
The sofa sounds rather swish......and it is up to you how you furnish your house
You can't beat a comfy sofa...
I still haven't bought anything vaguely resembling a turkey yet.
Oh haha, ive just dug out the turkey crown and put it back in freezer as its so tiny-it says defrost 4-6 hours. My foot is bigger than entire bird!
I can take bird out when get home from work on saturday. It will be ready to cook by bathtime! Will cook it on the day though as got my dad coming. Only three of us this year, sadly, but im sure we will get over it. Next year we SHOULD be in our own place, small but perfectly formed-bit like the turkey crown!! (oh another funny!)
Got a stinking mean letter from the council tax peolpe again-same letter as before. she demands i send five weeks pay slips in within 7 days. have rang and written and told her ive only just started job and waiting for first slip,due today/tomorrow. i cant rush it. Dreading bill though. reckon its £34 wk since starting job so thats about 6wks up to now. be over ten by time its sorted so thats £340 she will expect! Was secretly hoping to get some reduction due to wage but she reckons its too high. fingers crossed i get a break inthe next yr.I think we ALL need a break in the new year. I will order one from Santa for us.....
I've got the turkey in the freezer. I was out the house by 7am as I don't feel to good. I'm going to go back to bed in a mo - well, when they've finished putting even more loft insulation in!
I do hope you have a lovely day Bella. That's nice having your Dad over.
Bella your turkey crown sounds about the same size as the foil tin one I have got And yes, just think what changes the next year will see....
Well i got paid. very small amount indeed. time to look for a different job i think.
Want to say to everyone-the next day or so,have a wonderful time, we are all thinking about each other so we are together(in a way). Things can only get better, friends.
Merry christmas.
Speak after holidays.
Bella
Merry Christmas Bella. I'm sorry it was only a small amount you've had. xx
Merry Christmas Bella. Enjoy the time with your Dad and son.xx
Wages don't sound good at all do they? My council tax arrived this morning. Am in shock as they are saying I have to pay the full amount. Will make a call next week. Something is wrong somewhere.
Merry Christmas Bella, sorry your wages are disappointing, have fun with your son and your Dad though.
Hazeleyes, people on Working Tax Credit often have to pay almost all of their council tax, so hopefully it will get clarified when all the offices open again
Well xmas is over.
Son at "childminders" in preparation for me working tomorrow. Had a long drive to take him there but no choice as cant ask other minders for now.
Hope everyone had a good time, whatever your "lot" was.
Hazeleyes-i have to pay full council tax (with the 25% discount =over £1400 a yr) and Thats more than twice my annual pay! I cant afford to work. Im going to have to look at putting child into a childcare facility but try telling an 11yr old that! Just hope he will sleep okay in a nursey facility.
Just eating crackers and left over turkey crumbs. The actual day was nice. Ex sent text saying merry xmas.
Got next months working rota. i have only got one weekend off again next month.
Anyway, best wishes for the next few hours.x
I'm glad yesterday was nice for you.
It does sound like there are so many obstacles in the job Bella.
oops, slight miscalculation in that number for council tax !!!misread decimal point, anyway almost half my weekly wage will go to pay c tax bill.
just watched dvd-bridesmaids. v funny. good song at the end, need to look up the words.
watchimg cartoon film in a house without any children!!
having my one xmas drink now as driving tom. meeting my one friend for coffee after work.
have applied for another job, online. went there before for a job but as was new to job type i never got it. im hoping that my experience recently will put me in good books n get me the job. its prob worse hours but the pay makes up for it. i can then pay all bills. child will get to see me more.keeping fingers crossed.
Hi Bella, hope you're doing okay today. At least it's your day off, so hopefully you can just relax. Forget the domestic stuff that needs doing, as long as laundry, cooking, dishes are done, then the rest can wait. For today, enjoy the day with your son. It's tough going, but you'll get there.