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Hi Louise, coffee went well. we exchanged small gifts.
went window shopping until the bus came as mate going out again tonight. (I dont have the money to go out. I went out last month and three times last year anyway.)
May finish the turkey crumbs off for tea with variety of crackers. Got plenty of boring stuff in but as chilsren not here, my appetite is missing. (I have to remember to eat, always have had to remember though, so nothing to worry about).
Hope I can sleep tonight. Got a dialogue running through head about what i need to say to ex re the selling of house.
Anyway better go and look for more jobs online.
B
Hi Bella, glad your trip went okay. I really hope you can sort something job wise for the New Year. Don't forget to eat!!!!
Hi Bella
It's hard to eat when it is just you to cook for but good to try and make the effort, keep your energy levels up (nag nag 
)
oh hazeleyes and louise, ive had the most awful nightmares.
(I had the chance to try to sleep longer as not working until tonight too.) As I woke it suddenly dawned on me that he told (yelled AT me down the phone) he was being posted away after xmas so his dad has to deal with his affairs. I am NOT ringing his dad to come get his stuff. Ex is now uncontactable. Ok for him, he gets to invest in a house for minimum costs for him, im struggling to keep head above water. i could be in my own place, comfy and coping.Sorry ladies for exploding with this early in the day but i need to speak to someone. I can either contact him to see if hes away already or just go legal. Think legal is my best bet as he definatley dragging feet over selling.
Food- i had turkey crumbs, cheese and crackers then liquorice sweets! what a mix. Appetite not returning at all. Afraid that will get into the pattern of not eating much as son not due back for days then he will have to be farmed out all over again as working stupid hours. (Either that or leave him home alone.)
I can forget feling low BEFORE xmas, im slipping into a worse one now.
Hi Bella. I have no idea what to suggest with regard to ex. Perhaps the legal route, but then it's all money isn't it?
Jobwise, I honestly don't know how you're doing the hours, sorting out sleeping arrangements etc for your son. It's not quite the ideal job you wanted is it? Keep looking around for another one. It's easy to fall into the trap of snacking, but do try and eat, even beans and egg on toast maybe.
Hi Bella
Nightmares are so awful, and sometimes reality is awful too. It sounds like Christmas was a sort of watershed for you and now it is over you are looking to see what you can do to improve your situation. Maybe best to see if your boy's dad is already away, and if so then have a chat with the solicitor?
Hazel-ive applied for a full time job.Its three full days (about 7 am to 845pm) but i would get the money to pay for the costs to live in the big house in very expensive area. my dad said son could be dropped off at his door and give child key so he could watch tv before school. (dad would be in bed). lets hope i get it.
Louise-i need to be stronger. ive waited around for ex to talk to me so we can sort things out but he hasnt made the effort. he is living in ABSOLUTLE luxury, getting all chores done and being fed and babyfied. (sons dad isnt my ex. sons dad has new gf now living with him so son cannot sleep over). Complicated.
I think i needed to find this present job to take me out of the bad situation-i think i may have taken ex back otherwise. now the job has to improve for me to stay as im giving my all If not, im going to get any other job. Asda looking good at moment.
I promise i will eat something. im just tired and always working. seems like for every pound i earn i have to pay out three. not fair but the poorest remain the poorest world over. Trying to keep smile on face. Will be the best actress when collect son in two days. always am.
Bella. Please seriously consider a smaller house.
You never know what expenses lie ahead, and when you are on your own challenges that do come up really can be expensive.
It can still be in an expensive area, but your children will adjust. My lot haven't complained at any point being squashed in here. You have to make this all cope-able for you.
As for working in Asda. The two years I had in Tesco's were really good. You could clock on and clock off - and not give it a second thought until it was time to clock on again. I had no option but to leave when I got divorced, sadly, as I worked nights.
Is there an Asda close by?
Hi Sparkling, i am wanting to, and willing to, live in a small house but i cant get out of this one. I cant get any help with the costs of a rental place either. I need to sell this place and buy a little house. Im going to see if work will reduce my hours to just three days a week as its only one night working then. son has to stay in house alone as minders now wont help. they had enough up to xmas. Local authority office are to ring house on monday with any info on minders but i may be at work so son will have to take message!! wont go down too well.
There is an asda nearby but at the mo they are not taking on. there was a job cleaning the toilets 8hrs a week at a local pub but the job went as soon as it was advertised.
Things cannot continue as bad as they are. It must change soon.
I just need ex to agree to selling asap, split the joint stuff and then leave me alone. need a magic wand please.
Hi Bella, good luck with the job you've applied for. They are long days though aren't they? 2012 hopefully will be a better year for you, house and job wise. xxx
He is being such a plonker...
xxx
Oh sparkling, you made me burst out with a laff!
Hazel, they are normal times for this job. "we" get 15min break in morn (if lucky) and 25-30 in afternoon for lunch. there isnt an evening meal break. Home by half ten then up at 5 for next shift. all good fun! but pays the bills.
hoping to seek advice with boss when they return to see if can reduce hours. may end up leaving at this rate.
Got this weekend off hurrah!
That's great news about the weekend! So how many hours are you working per week, Bella?
I am glad you have the weekend off.
hi all,
im only doing 20 hrs. i was relying on the hours being morning to mid afternoon as fits in with school. its the evening when im stuck. Ive explained the problem to them and they seem to want to help. i dont want to leave as like the job however i cant forget that its costing ME to work.
I think it will turn out ok. My son is getting fed up with having to spend time in an elderly warden controlled-facility. If only for him i need to alter something.
(family member flabbergasted me yesterday by saying that i should have taken ex back (and pssibly given up the job) as his income would have been enough and he was being posted away anyway so wouldnt have seen him for periods at a time).
**gasp**
So easy for flippant comments to be made when they have no concept of the reality.
Good heavens, are we living in Victorian times? that was a strange thing to say to you.
Ok so you are doing 20 hours a week, it is the spread of the hours that is hard isn't it? How many evenings is that involving per week?
Yes, sparkling it was so shocked. to be honest i had thought of this, early days but not persued it. i dont have to tell you about the MILLION connotations i thought about. (no wonder my sleep was distrupted for months!). I have remained alone (and lonely, incredibly lonely) and cant see this changing. The advice came from a person i think a lot of so i had to seriously think about the maturity age has shown her and for a mo i was wobbly. ("does she see this as a blip and we should just grow up and talk our probs over,with help from mediation?") Gosh i was upset as you can imagine.
Louise, yes 20 at the mo. two early two late. all early would be fab-as i thought the job entailed, with occasional eves.however there is a lower job (basic care home) which im thinking about as long as THEY promise to just give me 8-2, mon to fri. im sounding picky but i dont mean to.
weekend off. need to work next years xmas and new year though. thats the deal.
must say it, HAPPY NEW YEAR. may next year be our best up to now.
Here's to that, Bella ! 
HAPPY NEW YEAR
So, how was it for you?
My friend was too poorly so she called off us going out. I rang another pal, whom i have only just got back talking to, and she invited me over. I went but had to drive many miles there and back so couldnt drink anything apart from lemonade. BUT AT LEAST I WAS OUT. Was hard tryin gto NOT think about past ny eve's.
How did you lot get through it? Any hints for me? still finding it hard and child not here so house empty and quiet.
Son back tomorrow and he has asked me to take tree down as it makes him sad, he said, to take it down and xmas wasnt what we had planned when we moved in. Wow. thats painful to hear.
ANother thing-why is tv so rubbish in a morning? tv from 6am to about 9am its poor.i cant afford Sky or a dvd recorder so im stuck with basic telly. grr.
Time for a coffee. have a good day Pals.
hi Bella - Happy New Year - i found the last couple of days really bad so i am the last one to be able to give you advice! but i do know that Christmas and NY 2012 will be different as another year will have passed and we will have moved on with our lives somewhat. I also find it hard when mine are away on contact visit and i have yet to find the secret - i am not in the right place yet to make the most of my time when they are away - having said that i had a long chat with my sister yesterday and i am going to plan some things to do for myself even if its just an art gallery and a coffee out. i know what you mean about tv being rubbish - i go on the computer instead and browse or play games rather than watch tv. not been much help i am afraid but as everyone keeps telling me "it will get better" so i am starting to believe it - so i hope for you it will also get better - sending you a new year hug x lrh
Glad you at least got out Belle, a change from previous NYEs with ex. Have you not got a digi box? I know it's not quite the same as sky etc. Talking about TVs, this change that is happening in April, can anyone enlighten me on what is happening lol. Not sure if I need to buy anything in order for this 'change' to work. Should really google I guess.
Anyhow Belle and lrh, you both survived the night, well done. It's good you have a plan lrh for when the children are away. Belle I hope your hours are changed for you, so good luck with that.
Thank you lrh. i seem to be unable to sort myself into treats such as coffee alone or museums/gallery etc. its just work work and arranging ch care. Hope it settles down. I have only got two male members in my family and they dont do emotions. i have to cope alone apart from a couple of "mates" who have happy lives. I need to make a promise to myself-make new friends. Can i buy these from morrisons as thats the only place i will be going to in the near future! ha.(although with all the prexmas shopping i stored and not really using it as son away, i have lots left so we will be ok for a while. Hope son is ok taking food wrapped in xmas packaging! ha.)
Hazel-i have a built in freeview in the tv but even that is rubbish in the early hours and even at night sometimes too. I also havent heard about a change to the tv's in april. If my money situation is really not worth me working then i will reduce my hours and use less petrol and poss see boss re "sacking" me but in a way that i can recommence getting job seekers. Once i move into a smaller house the costs will be greatly reduced. then i can work for money instead of working to pay taxes to petrol station and local council!
Have taken the tree and all decs down. need to venture into garage for coffin-like box to put it in. then must rearrange living room once again. will have muscles in my muscles soon! Have to have it tidy for when child home. he has spent time with dad and his fiancee (who has now emigrated from phillipines). see how child's behaviour is.
bye for now although i may soon return (i sound like a panto character! ho ho ho).
Hi Bella
it will be nice to have your son home again and well done for getting out last night even though it involved a long drive.
Note to everyone: don't forget to have a read of Mich's post in this thread for a boost when you are feeling it won'r get better.
As for the Tvs, different areas have varied analogue switch-off dates, some have already happened and some haven't (hereabouts the south of the town has and the north of the town hasn't, which is crazy) Anyone wanting some guidance, click on this site here Don't forget that TV can be watched online too, there is BBC iplayer, ITV Player and 4OD with all sorts of things on which have been on in the previous month. You can also watch live TV on a site called TV Catch-up (which isn't catch-up, it is live 
) So lots of options!
I was lucky as Asda had offer of two free view boxes for £20 when we went digital. They work well too. In the bedrooms we have an indoor ariel plugged in (they might have been specific ones, but I can't remember). You should also get info through the post too.
I do have Sky as well, as The Git had it and the children won the argument for me to get it. All it means is that you have far more channels of rubbish tele to flick through 
thanks louise, we have already changed over to digital signal where i live. i just though they were going to do another change. thankfully they not then.
got my days mixed up. took tree down, popped to shop and spent MY xmas money on my kids plus a top for me. i was planning my evening with child,food and tv progs. however i then realised thats TOMORROW!! all that preparing house a day early. new mate coming over tomorrow eve for half hour or so. must sort out my mind sometime!!haha.
cooking 1st real tea for self. offered to pick son up day early but he having fab time with lots of company. dont want to take him away from his family.
Would like to get tv aerial point in sons room but cant afford it. his tv is only 15 inches anyway so may hurt his eyes as we used to large screen now.
have recommenced legal with ex. he doesnt exactly know WHEN i went but he shouted on phone that he was going to be moving on and no one apart from his family cold contact him. therefore i was to speak to his solicitor through mine. HIS suggestion, not mine although he wont see it as that. anyway i took letter into solicitors office asking the case to carry on trying to sell house. not heard back yet but dare say i will this coming week.
i was hoping to be in a better position, emotionaly by now, to deal with the fall out but work life is TERRIBLE, money is reducing constantly and dont need ex having a go too. fingers crossed something good happens.
Bella, the money situation for you is awful. Have you e.mailed the money expert? Once you're in a smaller place, things will settle for you, and you'll be much happier too. I think you're doing great, you've got a great sense of humour too, which must help you get through.
Apologies to you by the way. Sometimes I type Belle and sometimes I type Bella hehe. Haven't lost my marbles honest. I must get the name Belle out of my brain, it's because of little Belle in Emmerdale!!!
Hazel, hello, yes ive emailed the money expert before xmas so im getting ready to answer as ive now got more info to share with them. i have tax credits letter telling me im getting less money from now etc. Thanks for saying ive got a sense of humour. my exs thought it wasnt called for so it was put away in a box.it may be off centre sometimes so i apologise ahead of time.
The Belle/Bella, its ok. just as long as you dont think im the character played by Billie Piper! haha.(although id like her money!).
Im really hoping to get a different job. daughter helping me to look and apply.she to babysit this weekend for me.
Id love to get smaller house but have to wait till ex agrees and he has no intention until another yr and half have passed. (however no one can GUARENTEE a sale by that time. how long and when to advertise etc???) but i cant tell him, what with being "stupid" etc!!! (the only silly thing i did was buying house with him!).
work in morn. dreading it. they all know im not happy. Let you all know how goes. hope im worried fo rnothing.
Yes, hope you find there is not so much to worry about, too. I wonder if they will come up with some changes to the rota?
Hi, there hav been a couple of changes but im stil working every weekend.
others must know somethng has been said as i think five words were spoken to me and then a member of staff who came on later shift said i was quiet! no doubt she has been duly informed.
i rang tax credits about being taxed constantly on petrol used and he has noted it and it will be assessed and a verdict sent out by 31st jan. hope they give me back the £40 a month they were going to take from me.
(It WOULD have been easier to take him back financially but emotionally-a dead end.it will sort itself out in the long run, all this money palarver, but for the meantime, its testing me).
Hope everyone else finds it easier to cope when they get a job. this one costs ME to work! defeats the object really.
Hi Bella, so many women stay with their partners because of the financial benefits (certain footballers wives come to mind!!) and 50 years ago women had to stay as there was nowhere else to go and few jobs.
However this is the 21st Century and although it is tough financially parenting alone, it is sooo much better than staying with someone who doesn't inspire you, love you, empower you or fulfil you. So well done for staying strong and keeping him away!
Hi Anna, i thank you for the support. i know we are better off apart. its a shame but hey ho.
I think he is on this site now. i must be wary so i apologise for silences. let me check either way.
Hi Bella, I have just sent you a personal email, please see your inbox.
hi,
phew, relief. i am sure im wrong about him knowing im on here.(thanks for your email, anna)
he is coming today to allow workmen access to the place his stuff is in the house. He has told me he will put it in bedroom (but its full-not that he knows HOW full but i darent tell him on phone.he will no doubt not be happy when he attempts to put it htere.he wont remove it though.)
ive got a log number from the police just in case i need to ring them later. i will be alone in house when he comes. He will speak over me and get louder if i attempt to explain a single thing. hopefully we can be amicable. let you know how goes.
Hi Bella, is there no one that can come and be in the house with you?
I am glad that you have contacted the police if needs be and I wish you luck, let us k now when he has gone.
Hi all,
it was ok. he had his shouty moments but i either ignored or gave it back but calmly. We talked and found out some stupid things we had both misread on text messages. child returned from school and all was calm here. ex even helped him with school work. (not my subject). he went after a few hours.
i think i just thought the worse would happen after some humdingers of arguements we have had in the past. lets hope we have turned a corner. (personally i think we should have expected fall outs but we didnt and just exploded and gave up. hindsight is a perfect gift to have, but it comes too late!).
oh my head is more mixed up then bowl of spaghetti.
thanks for being there for me, friends. it did help in keeping me calm. ive just got to think of the reasons we split. they are never going to be resolved. he goes back on what he has said. thats not grounds for a relationship, however said i am about us ending. even the fact my child wants him back; i have to live with the result of us arguing and we would. sad evening. im drained.
Awww Bella, I'm sure you are feeling shattered after it.
Hi Bella. Hope you're feeling better this morning. It's good that you and ex talked, it's so easy isn't it, when everything is calm, to forget the bad stuff and think of the good times. When an ex and I split countless times, we would talk calmly, he would persuade me to go back, and then after a couple of weeks/months, it would all start up again, putting me down, not liking me going out etc etc. What I'm trying to say is be careful. I know you're not happy with the money situation, but things will improve for you. xx
Hi Bella
Glad you got through it OK, please listen to what Hazeleyes is saying, I had a relationship like that too, these things just fall back into the same draining and destructive patterns, Stay focused on your new life!
Thanks you guys. we were due to sort some furniture out today but im not up to seeing him just yet. told hm im working. he has emailed me to ask how we are after last night.
im working for real for a few days in a row so wont see child.
Hazel- hi, its ok, im not about to take a man back -as my relative said-just because im struggling with money. what does that tell my children? i want them to know that a woman can support herself, even though it may take time to settle.
I just wish we could agree to sell and move on. he doesnt want to end the relationship. i just cannot make him understand what I need. he wants to help with money but i keep refusing. when he gets letter from legal folk about the courts taking over and DEMANDING we sell (poss for a low price), he wont be happy and will be heartbroken all over again. then i will feel bad again. he is just waiting for me to take him back. oh its me moaning again. said i woldnt do this again. sorry.
Hi Bella
Well done for getting through it. Yes it is hard when we see them behaving 'normally' and talking to us like reasonable human beings, but we have to be strong. Yes remember the good times, but keep reminding yourself of the difficult times and WHY you are not together anymore.
Good times come and go in any relationship, the bad times linger.
Hi Bella, haven't popped in here for a while, so doing so now...The thing is we have so much to sort out, and sometimes it is just good to drift along...that's the thing, I am going to have to start to think about finances and the next steps...it's all a bit daunting as you have to do it all on your own....I just wish we were a couple of years down the road, and all the bad and difficult stuff over and done with...oh well...onwards eh?
hi all,
im back working so dont have time to think about selling, solicitors, access visits, storage, going out for "a meal and a talk".
(car totally iced up this morning. running low on deicer-take a tip from me, buy a decent brand. ive got some from pound shop. they not as good as the expensive ones.)
work work work then house repairs then work again not having day off for a-g-e-s , or so it seems. imnot going to push self with housework as will hit the low points again and get down. life too short. got to care for me as noone else will.
(ps, boots the chemist MAY start their sale on wednesday..)
B
Have you finished for the day, now? or about to start? it's very icy here too...BRRRRH.
When's your next day off? Are they giving you four-hour shifts and spreading it further across the week? it wopuld be better if you could do longer ones and get your 20 hours done over less days really.
i do 5hr stints as normal. its over 4 days a week. its better to do full days but i dont get those. i get all weekends. good job i dont want a life!
have bought more de icer for the morning.
4 cans !!
yes I thought they were probably giving you shorter shifts over more days 
De-icer....it has been frozen solid the last two mornings. Do you remember ages ago I talked with you about those plastic covers for the windscreen? when we chatted it was decent weather and we were just sort of speculating.....anyway here is the link again if you think it would be helpful.
In the meantime, three million cardigans ahoy!
hi louise, i havent had my hrs reduced but they did change a couple of single shifts one week for me. i could have walked out (for various reasons), even had advice to that effect from the dole office but i like what I do in my capacity of the role. i would miss it.
think me being bit severe with ex has shocked him! he had to get more stuff today and was quite demure. this powerful feeling is great! haha.
Hi Bella, feelling empowered is great, it certainly beats feeling like a victim!
Louise, I just bought one of those windscreen covers!! Woop woop!
Mich you say that you wish you were a couple of years down the line and all the bad and difficult stuff was over. I just want to say that these next few years are going to be challenging, but oh so rewarding I know it is easier said that done, but try and enjoy the challenges and practice confidence, because every little hurdle leapt, feels like winning the lottery!
Hi Bella hope you are Ok,. it certainly does sound as if it is a good idea to look around for a different job, good luck with that, enjoy meeting your friend today