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Hi Bella, hopefully you will find yourself getting stronger as the month goes on, take each day as it comes and XX will see that you are reliable and also handy, if you cover other people's shifts.
Seeing our children upset is heartwrenching and we have to put them first, so it is understandable that you got to a point where you needed to hand your notice in. Do they have a compassionate leave system in place?
Its freezing cold here, but the sky is a beautiful blue and the sun is shining, so as long as we have our thermals on, the day is great!! How is it where you are?
Hi Anna, xx isnt bothered that i always step in when im asked to cover illness. Ive asked for any jobs that needed doing (i had 20 mins till leaving) and did them immediatley. I love my job and they know it. I really dont feel confident they will keep me on. They have the power, and always have, to give me a break but do not. They can also hand back by notice to leave, but dont. Im going to be on edge until 12th hour when i will be told if im to come in for next stint OR NOT. i hate this atmosphere, it will effect me and they know it.
I told son that i may be leaving work as its taking me away from things i should be concentrating on (no details were told). he was sad that we would be poorer, but then happier we would see each other more. I think he will adapt whatever happens.
Thankfully the snow isnt here. not sure how i will concentrate on driving in it as im awake at 5am and nodding off by 3pm if im not carefull!! maybe its an age thing for me!!? ha.
Hi Bella
I have just been trying to find some information that says that you are able to withdraw your notice letter. I am trying to get through to Rights of Women who are a brilliant organisation who help women with legal issues around employment amongst other things. However their advice line is constantly engaged - you might like to give them a try yourself, their number is 0207 251 6577 (Open Tuesday–Thursday 2–4pm and 7-9pm, and Friday 12–2pm.)
Our children are so adaptable aren't they, its brilliant that he could see the positive side 
Hi Anna and everyone,
Thanks for trying but im not sure i would want to stay in that atmosphere. i need to balance everything-money, emotional well-being, etc before i decide to stay or go quietly.
im also afraid ive said too much on here. im not trying to cause trouble or be awkward so if my identity is worked out, im sorry and im only finding and recieving (and hopefully giving) support as a single parent, experiencing new challenges.
My child is really enjoying our dvd nights. (so am I).
House cleaning day today. having my brothers child to stay over.
snow on its way....
Hi Bella, a good work/life balance is so important, so good you are taking your time to consider all of this.
Sooo pleased you and your son are enjoying the DVD nights, it is essential to a positive healthy family relationship to spend time relaxing together.
House cleaning, how lovely! Great day for it! I think it is unlikely we will have snow down here, it is too cold! 
You are concerned that you have said too much on here, in what sense? You are certainly not causing trouble or being awkward, are you worried that your identity will be revealed?
Hi Anna,
my son wants to do some cooking so im getting ideas for easy recipes. im trying to boost his confidence. he was trying to tell me about the offside rule in footy last night. i tried not to glaze over! its bores me but i wont let him know that.
dvds-its good but we are getting low on them now. may see if morrisons have any cheap ones in their reduced dept.
Snow-im afraid ive put the heating on in the house and none of the children are here. if i dont put it on early then it seems to be cold around 7pm. it must need to accumulate around the building. (may not help that i have turned it off in various rooms as they are storage spaces only). we try to keep the doors closed on them.
Yes im worried someone may work out who i am and think im making trouble at work, or tip off my ex. hope not.
Hi Bella, have you seen the NHS Choices 5 a day weekly meal planner? I love it, it gives you lots of choices to think about for all meals of the day, it gives you the recipes and then gives you your shopping list! Its quite fun to do with your child/ren too, then everyone is involved from the start!
I have just had a look around the internet and found Swapshop, where you can swap unwanted items for free!
I am glad that you have put the heating on - for yourself.
We endeavour to keep everyone online anonymous and if you post anything that we think identifies you, we the moderators will edit it. So unless someone knew your username and this site and this thread and your story, I think it would be hard to find out your real identity.
Anna, thanks for the reassurance. i feel better now.
I decided to see if "mysupermarket" website worked for me. it came up with asda but compares others and you can swap shops. you put in the items you want and it works out the cheapest shop and any bargain offers on it.you can swap ifyou want. then it adds up the bill, shows you all you have bought. i was hoping my first order was free delivery but it was £5 so i wrote down the items and deals and went to the shop myself! i even saved more as the mince i got was 83p(small, fresh on a tray) instead of £3.09 (frozen bag full). this meal is for tortillas as childs pal coming next week (pal promises to come this time!). son went through my receipt and planned what we were going to eat for the next few days. he is very keen on using store cupboard and new stuff up. (he is a fast learner!). Also got a chicken (cheap, no pun intended), this will do for sunday tea, mon packed lunch and mon tea with rice.
Treated self to bottle of wine-had seen online offer and was in valentine section. I bought it for ME as im not waiting for the valentine day celebrations. besides i will be very thirsty trying to get through all my valentines day cards!!!!(yeah, right!!!).
I will look at the swap shop site later as i have a few things to get rid of. i usually take htem to the cancer charity shop. the majority of the stuff stored isnt mine but ex's.
Whilst in asda today i picked up the nhs healthy meals leaflet and son liked the idea of a few of those. there were two weeks' meals on there. all sounding good.iv had to save money this month as a) i may well be on the dole soon and b) ive had a bill to pay.
i will try the online bargain hunt again as it was good to stick to my list and very fast too. i only went to the sections i needed to. dont suppose im the supermarkets fave customer!
Hello Bella
I have been off for a few days so just catching up with your news. There is a lot of it, you certainly have had an eventful few days, how are you feeling?
I would echo what Anna has said about anonymity.
It's very frosty here so I hope you are staying as warm as you can
Hi Louise, im very mixed up.
its a week since i gave my notice in to work. they are going to interview me twice in the next 2 weeks to see if im "coping". (by this time they may let me go as it would have been 4wks and it looks better for them,legally). ive done everything i can on my side to reduce the stress but i cant alter the shifts they give me-only they can. they just said im to "request" two weekends a month but im still not guaranteed to get a single one. if this doesnt alter then the stress will obviously not go.
I need the wage as i have to pay legal costs for solicitors, selling house, possible court costs etc. then buying somewhere and paying removal costs etc. living here is expensive too.
Anyway, snow is here. scared to drive in it. of course im working weeknd!
(note to self-get a grip!!)
yesterday was good with child. this morning he asked for eggs for breakfst and i did them as most mornings its a fight to get him to eat a scrap of toast or a mini yoghurt. he seems happier in most things. he left here early hours and i wont see him until 2pm on sunday. hoping we can spend sunday afternoon getting cosy again.
Yes, so do I.
Everything is very up in the air for you at the moment and all you can do is get through each day, or part of the day. And every evening say to yourself: Well done for getting through. You will look back on this time and not believe the strength you have drawn on. We are with you, Bella.
Hey Bella, glad to hear that your boy has gotten interested in food! And that you are enjoying him, it sounds as though you really are a strong unit now.
Aww we still don't have snow down here. 
You other post made me laugh Bella what with cheep chicken and piles of valentines cards, your weekend is going to be busy!!
Aw, Louise your message made me gulp. i dont see myself as strong and you are the second person to say that to me in less than 24hrs. I really AM getting strength from you guys on here.
Had a new friend over for a quick chat yesterday. I cant start to tell you how we met(before xmas) because you would never ever beleive me. talk about "being sent" to me. "wow" is all i can say. (she was the other person who said she sees me as strong. it did make me look back and see i have done daring things as a single parent!). I may be going out at the end of the month with new friend and her long standing pals.
Anna, yes he ate almost all of breakfast and has chosen to have a hot lunch (£2)-fish and chips. I would rather he choose a hot meal he wants rather than a cold pack up which he may just throw away.
Ha, yes my weekend will be busy-working- not playing in snow with child. I think I will have to find his new "bum sledge"(plastic, buttock shaped sledge with handle) i bought him for xmas and take it with me on sun so when i collect him after work, we can go to the park and i can push him down the hills. yeah, JUST the thing i want to be doing after two days working and up since 5am! the things we do for them but they keep these memories so its worth it.
We have torrential rain. Children very glum here!
Loads of hugs Bella. You are doing well.
xx
Sparklinglime- we are forecast heavy rain next week. you can have our snow then, if you want? x.
I drove in heavy falling snow and settled snow and then ice!!
i was overtaken by so many drivers. i admit im slower in snow but im not in a rush to crash and die.
Anyway im home now. Didnt take son to the park as he had been with his pals (whilst staying overnight at my dads) so now i can get warmed and do the washing, ironing, etc. im so tired. maybe its the concentrating on driving?
Son appears to have developed a skin condition/nerve reaction? must see doctor soon. maybe its the present moment (home life, dad remarrying, my job etc) but i dont want to put that suggestion into his head. oh children are a worry.
hugs back to everyone, from me x
Aww, your poor son. I know eldest had eczma for a while, and in his case Nivea worked a miracle.
I'm not a fan of driving in snow, but prefer it to ice. Some people just have no idea what 'drive with caution' means.
Glad you're home.
Hope you get a relaxing evening Bella. I'm sorry things have been rough for you lately, but glad you've made a new friend. xx
We have snow too, very thick, and would love to send some to Sparkling too hehe. Hoping against hope that the school is closed tomorrow, but very much doubt it.
Hi, son has three lots of creams for skin. doc says it sounds like stress after son and explained home life (i didnt mention work stress). doc has offered me an ear to talk to if things get bad for me. seems genuine.
roads near me are untreated, icy and compacted snow. im not driving until i need to. got two days doing work based stuff but can use buses. back on house calls after that though and of course im working saturday.
how is everyone else?
lets hope this weather doesnt continue for much longer. i heard the rains were due from thursday. that hopefully means that we MUST be due the sunny waether next??? is that being too hopeful? ha.
Oh I know it is awful to drive in, Bella. The main roads are Ok here and it started melting through the day.
Hope your son's skin will respond to the cream. Take good care of you, too
Hi,
There is still snow/ice in my gardens and in the local area. I really thought that with rain being forecast, the snow would wash away or at least soften to nothing. seems i may be waiting a bit longer for "normal" weather. oh well its easter soon.
Son's skin seems worse. he had PE today and said the sores were hurting. im hoping he doesnt get teased. I feel so guilty.
Nothing has been heard from ex re selling. Im going to ring my solicitor on friday for an appointment next week. Ive a fear ex will declare bancrupcy. my name is on mortgage too. I need a time machine to undo signing that blooming house contract.
Hmm, show me where the time machine is, Bella and we will make a FORTUNE renting it out! 
How are you today? The ice is still around here, but the roads are clear.
Hi Louise,
its still v cold and snow and ice are still in this area as its not a highly populated area. Im driving tomorrow...
fingers crossed i get an appointment booked tomorrow (for next week) with my solicitor. got a feeling i need to act soon, very soon.
If i can make a time machine then i will give FREE rides in it as we all deserve it! ive got a few rolls of sticky backed plastic and a yoghurt pot! ha.
Oh yes, sticky backed plastic like Blue Peter
The gritters only seem to clear the main roads and bus routes so if you live somewhere more rural then you have to wait for Mother Nature to melt it. There is more snow forecast today too
Hope you do get the solicitor's appointment. Take care of yourself when you are out and about.
Hey, great news. i have appointment with solicitor in the morning. need to have a more settled weekend. Im afraid if i dont get the ball rolling then ex will do whats best for him.
snow due again where i live. rain due too, (depending on which radio station you listen to) either way its icy out there n due to get worse but it simply HAS to improve.
Thanks i do try to take care.
Great news about the appointment
Well done Bella, good luck tomorrow 
Hi Bella, good luck for tomorrow. Don't forget what the GP said too, if it's all too much for you, go and speak to him/her. Hope the snow hasn't reached you again, but do take care if driving. There's talk of more snow, but hoping that's all it is, just talk! Still, I'm not going out for a while, both C and I off ill, and of course half-term next week.
Hi Bella
How did you get on at the solicitors today?
Hi All,
firstly, ive told work that hte hours they have given (days) are fine. only when got home did i realise its school hols at same time! going to have to beg his dad to watch him but he far too busy with "fiance". if comes to it will have to ask neighbour.
Importantly- SOLICITOR!! cant believe ex dragging things out by refusing to sign to sell. He asked if ex was a controlling man? (!!) asked if ex wanted to come back? i said well he isnt and we do not speak. in fact ive been told, by ex, to put everything into writing from now on. Im dreading the call tomorrow after he gets the letter asking him to agree to sell asap at realistic price.
We have had snow again so my little car became a snowball!
Sorry to hear you and your child are ill, Hazeleyes. at least you will not have to leave house for school or work for a week soon. keep warm and get some soups in your cupboards in case you too ill further down the line.
Let you know how ex takes it...send me happy vibes please.
Lots of positive vibes coming to you, Bella. Glad you managed to see the solicitor, I gather that your ex partner is now going to get a letter from them. Did they mention what the procedure would be if he continues to be difficult?
Hi Louise,
Yes he either has it or will get it monday. I wont be answering the phone on monday, i get too upset when he rips into me verbally.
Mediation is the next step. if he refuses then we go to the courts to force a sale. Im not exactly happy at the price my solicitor suggests we ask for the property but im afraid the longer we leave, the less we will sell for and the bigger the mortgage debt will be.
I could well be worrying over absolutley nothing- maybe he intends to keep on paying and paying his costs of where he is now(!) if he was going to be fair then he would have shown SOME signs of that by now? i havent noticed any!!,Honestly though im scared. scared im going to lose so much i cant afford somewhere nice for son and me. I need to get a full time job soon as poss but then i still need to have yrs of employment behind me in order to get a mortgage. seems all avenues have problems and im trying my damndest to help self and son.
trying to keep smiling, honest.
Yes and it is not easy. This waiting game is very stressful, I remember it well, and how something the other person does just can throw every plan into chaos. Good idea not to answer the phone!
Look after yourself and your boy through this, we are all here to talk to.
Thanks louise, and everyone else, its a shame the effects one person can have on another. Not always for the better either. People keep saying that "what goes around comes around" but that doesnt help at the moment. Im just living life on edge. i want to pack my belongings but where do i store them as the spare room is full. plus son would be upset seeing this. i hate being beholden to ex. he has all the cards in his hand.
Son still using his medications. ive developed a cough. think it will go though.
ive just been emailed news (from a friend who has worked for debt agencies) that ex's debts will be recovered from anything i have-ie home, money etc. NOW im afraid.
im waiting to hear from this sites expert panel.
If any of my friends or family remind me again of how ive made a mistake/ruined our future/should have thought what i was doing/ etc then i will explode! dont they KNOW i cant feel any worse-a failure etc. Sorry to moan.
I just get myself thinking better (improbable?) thoughts, that we will be ok then someone "helps" by telling me the "truth".
Yes, there is nothing worse than the "I told you so" brigade. Whatever the bottom line is, you will get through. Remember all the upheaval others have been through, a good example being sparkling lime; it was not (and still is not) easy for her but she and the children have hung on in there.....
Son is ill at the moment. mystery sickness...hasnt BEEN sick but i had to get into car and quick drive to collect as he had to get off bus early from his dads. Im working tomorrow. He seems ok now.thankfully.
I dont know Sparkling's story and Im concerned that Sparkling is still having hard times even now. surely after ex has taken all my money, there wont be anything left for him to hurt us with?
I meant that almost all single parents struggle in one way or another, that's all, and a change in lifestyle is difficult for ANYONE, but we get through.
Hope your son will be ok.
Hi Bella. Hope your son is okay, and really hope your cough doesn't develop. Once everything is sorted, regarding the house, then there is NOTHING that your ex can hurt you with Bella. You don't have a child with him, so there shouldn't be any need for further contact. Then you can and will be able to get on with your life, and really put the past behind you. You'll be just fine You've been knocked down, but you still get up, dust yourself down, and begin another day. I really hope the house is sold quickly, and he doesn't cause problems. Take care, xx
Thanks Louise and Hazeleyes, i am trying to hold it together for childrens sake. I just doidnt want to lose my childrens inheritance or my home. looks like i will be doing if ex can work it.
I have been sent a text telling me the experts have answered my query (from this site) but i havent got the email so i will wait and check later again. hope it sheds some light on things. Let you know the news.
Hi Bella
It is such a stressful time and it can feel like your world is going to end, but regardless of everything you will carry on living, working, supporting your son, getting food on the table, laughing, crying, cleaning and shopping. I think that we can become so overwhelmed with all the official side of things, that we can't see the wood for the trees.
Whether you lose everything, inheritance, the house etc, life is not over. It will be painful, but not the end.
Please try not to worry too much. Let yourself think about stuff for a while then put it in a box and stash it away until you need to think about it again. It doesn't do you or anyone else any favours when things go round and round in your head. (OK, so I know this is easier said than done, but it is worth trying to remember)
Small steps and kindness to yourself. Great point made by hazeleyes, once this is sorted, you don't have to deal with him again!
I am presuming your phone is off today, I hope you get the response that you want from him.
Thanks for support.
No my phone isnt off. i keep forgetting he might ring! (does that mean im not that scared?)
I think he has been warned not to contact me and to keep it legal. his folks know that he desperate to get back with me so they must keep tight rein on him. (I sound like im running a cult or something, where someone needs protecting frombeing brainwashed! haha).
Ive told son that my advice has been to keep letting him pay mortgage.If he cannot or will not then it has to be sold. either way we cannot be thrown out. the lender can only take what they are owed, my share is my share. (this advice was from a policemen who used to do financial brokering etc and he also been through similar).
Im still waiting for legal advice after his solicitor tells me where to put my suggestions for selling!
Let you know the good news.
Oh ive had to put a plastic box outside to collect my valentine cards as the rain is due......(oh ive fallen over with laughing so much!!)
(seriously, i DO have a valentine card. its from my long time friend so that doesnt count but im going to put it in my window anyway...!!!!)
See you all at the party tomorrow then, got my best frock washed n everythng!!
Best frock eh? I'm slumming it I'm afraid, and shall be attending it in my pjs. (just lowered the tone of the party now haven't I) hehe
Hope you receive some news today Bella. xx
Thinking of you Bella.
I sunk my inheritance into the laughingly called family home... Lost it, but yes, we have survived, and other than the bank balance (and at the moment upset stomach and awful cough) we wouldn't change a thing.
It isn't easy. But you and the children will be ok. You have to be positive with them though, however you feel inside. I did cry in front of my lot, but even then you can still make positive noises.
Not sure I'm up to a party...
Thanks hazeleyes, see what postie brings from ex in few days eh?
As far as jamas are concerned, as long as they match, we wont complain. you can always put some posh jewelry on. ive got a really big diamond on a silver ring. its so big i need support to lift my arm! and OF COURSE its a REAL diamond and REAL silver, not really £1.50 from peacocks in the town centre sale!!(falling over again laughing...).
Sparkling, sorry to hear you lost all your money. I wish i could know how this went along but i dont want you to divulge personal stuff. ive been assured that i will get SOME money back as i paid half up front.ex put nothing in. if he does decide to stop paying then we get repo and bank take what THEY are owed and i get remainder. i know i cant afford a nice place but thats the guilt i have. we are better off together poor than with him and secure in a posh place. i hope this info is correct for me.
Anyway, enough of me going on, its VALENTINE'S DAY. I opened my card (the 1st of many i reckon!) and its sitting proudly in the window for neighbours to see. (i only have one neighbour,haha!). Ive got vases of water lined up outside for the florists to put the bouquets into in case i dont hear them at the door. (this is another reason i chase men away, APPARENTLY, my sense of humour is way off. cant see it myself, hahahaha, head may well roll off shoulders in minute!)
Wel i will see you all tonight at the party. Im wearing long purple halterneck dress with sequins along the neck and to complete the ensemble will be my ...slippers, big and furry!
Hey girls, happy Valentine's Day to you
It sounds as though you are feeling good Bella, it is good to hear you laughing
Your dress sounds divine and you shall put hazeleyes to shame, unless she is wearing pyjamas from Victoria's Secret that is!!!
Well i got the friend's valentine card and yesterday (day late) i got a box of a dozen red roses from an ex (many miles away). he knows im feeling down about possibly losing house/paying mortgage etc.
Also went to legal aid services dropincentre. they said ex can apply to take half my deposit. need to clarify the pre nup deal we did. the courts could say that as he is paying the mortgage he has a larger interest in house and gets more when we sell. i have to look at the TALATA act. its very expensive and not available on legal aid-which i wont get anyway. i will look online today.
Then went to estate agent who are waiting for ex to sign contract to sell. ive explained that i may have to pay mortgage and he agrees. he worked in this field for years. he said the worse thing to do is repo. the lender will take all their money back plus anything like 20,000 for "costs" then ex can take HALF of whatever is left.even though its officially mine!!! he is to speak to his colleague (at a specialist agent who do repo and the such) and ring me today. Im really hoping ex will agree to sell. i wont be telling him the dangers im in if he wont sell!!!!
Oh, son loved the party we did, ladies. ive sworn him to secrecy about the site though. dont want him reading it or telling anyone.
He is getting a bit bolshy. he asnwers back and i wont take it. my others never. i dont want to excuse his behaviour as down to the stress im putting him through. ive spoken to his dad but he wont accept he has some blame to-marrying a person he has "been close to " for 6wks. Son doesnt see dad much as he spends time with fiancee instead. his choice.
Oh well. at least im always here for son, there wont be another man in my life.ever.
Good luck with all your researches about the legal side of things.
As for your son, he is bound to be affected by the upheaval as you say and his dad's sudden marriage must have come as a shock to him.
Nice to get some roses
went out today so never got call from estate agent. i will ring them tomorrow.
flowers are very nice.
Ex hubby just says child is fine with new mum. Im just wary, maybe im wrong but im not letting a man in my life, the life I share with my son. Im choosing to be single. I only let him meet my ex partner after we had been together for a while and i thought we were secure.
Apart from that, im having a good day. I picked up a 20p copy of noel edmond's book on happiness and positivity (or something). It was saying how we can attract negative things if we dwell on negative things happening to us and the reverse etc etc. Anyway, i put the advice to good use and surfice to say, my day has been lighter, more productive and likeable. Not sure how i will feel after working 5 shifts in a row as of weekend however, haha.
Wont be seeing child until thursday as farmed him out! he is looking forward to having a few days away. I will be able to just feed me, sleep and work. Oh and eat some chocolate...purely for energy, you understand??ha
Hi Bella
Hope that your work days go ok. Chocolate eh? well we have to have some treats heh heh.
I think the Noel Edmonds theory is called Cosmic Ordering, I don't know how much I buy into that, but I do know from my counselling work that positive thinking and a "can do" approach, whilst not making problems go away, can give us the wherewithal to manage them.
Anna, yes i did give notice in. i was so upset seeing son upset.( i dont tell everything on this site, you wouldnt believe someof it).
Anyway im to do this week, see if can "cope". im to work wk by wk till end of month, having meetings re progress. there was not a promise of keeping me on as they have the right to release me and even though i can get sympathy from boss "X", the other boss "XX" seems to be hell bent on covering themselves.XX runs the place.
oh well. i got paid so i may have to use this VERY carefully as dole said i wont get full amount till 6 months have passed. i get 40% and appeal for them to reconsider.
anyway i need to get head down. ive been so helpful today-i am anyway but ive been aske dto cover a shift a someone is ill. i have said yes of course. i always do.
better go, watch that weather, its going to be very bad.