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Hi guys,
I have only just come across this site, so thought I would make my first post on here. I am 31 andI have been seperated from my ex for over 2 years, we are well on the way to getting divorced, but the finances and pensions have held it all up. I have 2 kids aged 8 and a half and 3 and a half. I split with their Dad after he had an affair, we had been married for 8 years but together for 13 years, I met him when I was 16.
Its a long story but I had been suspicious he had been having an affair for a while. He is in the navy, we are both from the midlands, but I moved to the South West 5 years ago so that we could spend more time together. After 18 months of living here, he got posted to Cornwall, but I decided not to move with him. It was difficult with him living away again and only being home at weekends and we really drifted apart. It was hard when he was home for weekends as he would just want to sit in all weekend and I would end up in doing all the housework, shopping etc and I would be doing things with the kids. There was a lot of evidence to suggest an affair, but he kept denying it but I found out in April 2009. He refused to cut contact with the woman so I knew there was no chance at all for us so we split.
He moved in with her pretty much straight away and still lives with her now. The past 2 years have been hell on earth at times, my ex can be very selfish and arrogant and has made things very difficult at times. He started having the kids quite soon after we split and they were introduced to his girlfriend after only a couple of months. My ex just doesn't get how I feel about things, he sees that I should be over it all now.
I know in the long run I am better off not being with him as he can be really quite nasty at times, but I still have a lot of bitterness towards him and his girlfriend. He cant see why i dont want to be friends with her and has even suggested that she has the kids when he is away on deployments to give me a break! They live 3 hours away from me.
Anyway, the point of my post is that 2 years down the line, I still get really fed up and down about things. I look at my kids and know that I am doing a good job with them, but it is still hard. I feel jealous if i take them on days out or go to school events and see lots of happy families. I also feel very lonely at times, I do have good friends who were fantastic when we first split, but they all have their own lives and families so I dont like to bother them all the time. I dont live near family. I have seriously considered moving back to the midlands a few times to be nearer to family, but I really like the area I live in now, I have a good job that is very flexible around the kids, and they are settled here. My youngest starts school in sept, and it is a good school, the one my daughter goes to, I also use the after school club there on days that I work all day.
I think I feel a bit of guilt as well that my youngest starts school in sept and I dont feel like I have done enough activities etc with him. I have one day off a wk and I used to take him to a toddler group but then I stopped going and would spend that day at home with him, i told myself that he had enough interaction with kids when he goes to nursery but now i feel guilty that I havent done more with him. My 8 year old can also be hard work at times, she can be very stroppy and arguementative, like her Dad! and sometimes i feel that I am only just managing to hold everything together.
Sorry about the long post, any advice will be greatfully receieved
Sam
Hi Sam. Welcome along. It's a great site, and the people are extremely warm and friendly, so I do hope you stay with us.
I think you are doing a great job raising two children, going to work, and dealing with issues over ex. You have nothing to feel guilty about over the 3 year old. He still has your time, and like you say, he is interacting with other children at the nursery, so don't feel bad at all. The 8 year old, and the arguements, have to say I have an 8 year old son, and he is the same, not all the time, but when it kicks off here, it really kicks off hehe. Somedays, I feel like I have a partner, father etc living here, instead of an 8 year old!!!
How often do the children see their Dad?
Thanks for your replies, it is nice to be able to chat to others in the same situation! My kids normally see their Dad approx one weekend a month, but he is in the forces and is away at the moment. He hasnt seen the kids since April and we dont know when he will be back next. M went through a spell a few months ago of not really wanting to see her Dad, I think she finds it harder than her brother does as he wasnt even 2 when we split so he doesnt really remember us ever being together
That must be pretty hard on them, especially the 8 year old, not having regular contact I mean, though it can't be helped if he's in the forces. It's great that you have many friends, but I do know what you mean about them being married etc, or having their own families. Life always seems greener doesn't it? Somedays I often think I would love to be in a family unit, but then I listen to my friends that are married or have partners, and I actually think I'm the luckier one. I don't have anyone to answer too, I can do what I want, when I want etc.
Hello again SamW
There is no reason for you to be "friends" with your former partner's new girlfriend, although I suppose if she is playing some role in your childrens' lives, it is nice to have her "on side". No-one can tell you how long it will take to get over the hurt of a broken relationship, but I wonder if you would find it helpful to talk with a counsellor about it? if so then do enquire with your GP and get your name down for six free sessions. I really feel for you if your eldest has some lf the less attractive features of her dad; I sat opposte my son at the tea table for years, feeling annoyed by "his dad's" table manners so I have every sympathy with you. Try to praise her when she does not do it...praise needs to be positive not negative so instead of saying " well done for not kicking off when I asked you to tidy your room". say "I am really pleased that you did X when I asked you to. Well done!"
It sounds as if where you live now has a lot going for it, for you and the children and that the main thing you miss is the personal friends and support. That could be thing you decide to work on. One thing we can do is think of ourselves as if we were a car:P we need fuel, we need an MOT, we need a breakdown service etc, and we can surround ourselves with support and friends who can provide that equivalent.
I am going to give you some links to articles we have on site, now when I say articles please do not think "oh no, I have not got time to plough through loads of info", they are short, snappy and full of tips and bullet points that will help you in the right direction:
Allowing Your child to love the other parent
Disciplining your child on your own
Hope these help. Do stay with us, we have a lot of fun as well as providing support and help 
This is a link where some of us just have a general chit chat about our day, so come and join in if and when you feel ready. There are also lots of other threads, so I hope you manage to find your way around. Here's the link to the day chat room, it's exactly the same as the other threads, just post and someone will respond here
Thanks for all your replies, you have all made me very welcome! I will have a look at the day to day chat room, thanks for the link. I have already had my 6 counselling sessions through my GP, I had them last year. It did help at the time, I dont really know why in particular I am finding it hard at the min. Maybe it is because for the last month, I have had family and friends visiting, it was lovely to have company but now we are back to being on our own again. I agree though that there are some bonuses to being on your own, at least you dont have to answer to anyone! It has just been hard adjusting after being with my ex for over 13 years!
Thanks again everyone
sam
Like you say Sam, it's probably because you've had family and friends visiting, now they've gone, everything goes back to 'normality' again. It must be hard too, adjusting to a break up after 13 years of being together. Do you think your ex's partner is someone you could get to know? Was she aware that he was married when they met?
It is hard adjusting to being on my own after 13 years with my ex. She was aware that he was married when they met, he even brought her to my house and she met me and my children!! Im not really sure if i would want to get to know her! i still have a lot of bitterness towards her and think i always will. I also find it hard as when me and my ex were together, he never did a lot with the children, but he does now when he has them for weekends
Sam
The way you're feeling about her is perfectly understandable. Blimey, I can't believe that 1) he brought her round to meet you, and 2) she was willing to do so. What a nightmare. Don't waste your energy on feeling bitter that he now does things with your children, it will only grind you down even more. You're doing well. xx
I know, he reckoned at the time there was nothing going on and they were "just friends", but it was clear to me there was more to it. He didnt even have the guts to tell me, I found out by going on his facebook account and looking at her page. The sad thing is that he cheated on me before we got married, but he told me and swore he would neve do it again and I stupidly believed him. Oh well you live and learn!! xx
Hi Sam
So glad you've found us.
I'm afraid the board is more or less my social life!! Other than Scouts that is...
I don't believe you ever quite get over becoming a lone-parent. I'm afraid mine is along and tedious story Just to say I call him The Git and his wife The Gittess perhaps gives you an idea of how well I got on with them 
This board is my 'social life', hehe.
Hi again SamW, if you look at the articles, one of them actually mentions what you say, that often a parent who has not been very involved before, nca become a much nmore committed parent after separation. However annoying this is (and it is!!!!) it is better for the children that he cares and is involved.
I don't blame you for feeling bitter towards him and this woman but actually you are the only one being affected by the bitterness, ie it will not get you anywhere, so do try to overcome this and save your energy for nice things for you! What do you like doing?
Thanks again for the replies, I have a feeling this board is going to become my social life too!! I will have a read through the articles, Im sure they will help to make things a bit clearer for me.
I know that the bitterness wont get me anywhere in the longrun, I just really hate the though of them being a "family" with my children. I was impressed with myself the last time he had the kids in April though. I had to meet him at the services to pick the kids up and I ended up in sitting with them and the kids while they had tea and I acutally spoke to her a little bit. It doesnt help that when me and my ex were together, he was never supportive of me working part time, he wanted me to earn as much as possible. Yet this woman he now lives with and who doesnt have kids hasnt worked for about the past year due to a knee problem, yet he supports her financially. He even told me recently, I should have gone back to work full time when we split and doesnt see how at the minute with the ages the kids are, working part time works well for me.
I dont get a lot of time for myself, when the kids are with their Dad, i normally spend my time catching up with housework etc! I do enjoy reading though, and I love going down to the coast. I also enjoy swimming and am hoping to be able to go regularly when both the kids are at school
Sam
Sam x
That must have taken a lot for you to talk to her, wow, you should be really proud of yourself. I know you only did it for the sake of the children, which was great for them also to see. As for the work thing, I wonder how he would do holding down a full time job, looking after the children, managing the house, ferrying the kids here, there and everywhere, plus a mountain of other things!!!
Louise goes swimming regularly, and tells us some funny things, over on the day to day chat.
I go swimming every Monday, SamW, there are some interesting characters, one I call Mrs Chatty. She was there today, having returned from hols. I was singing that Glitter Band record under my breath, "did you miss me? (NO) while I was away?"
Hope you do read the articles, they honestly are helpful and come from experience of dealing with these difficult situations
I am looking forward to having the chance to go swimming regularly, I'm sure I may meet some interesting characters too!!
It is hard at times juggling work and the kids, especially as I dont want them to miss out on doing any activities like brownies etc due to me working, I work three and a half days at the minute which suits me. Yes I would earn more if I was full time, but the way I see it is that your time with your children when they are young is very precious and goes far too quickly so i want to make the most of it now. Im sure I will have to go back full time at some point
Sam
Yes that may well happen but part time work seems to suit many parents, I know that feeling of trying to fit everything in. I came across some old diaries of mine the other day and some of my schedules were like military operations...have you seen that Tesco advert where the two parents synchronise watches? well we single parents do all that on our own!
hi sam i have read your story how are you doing now?? you would not believe how old this laptop is and how long it takes to up load its like something out of the stone age!!!!!
Hi Sam, how are things at the moment?
That strikes a chord with me too, as my husband keeps saying that I should get more work,( I'm working 2 full days a week at the moment, but need to make my hours up one more to 16 to be able to claim working tax credits)...I'm a sales assistant and on my feet all day, and I just don't feel at the moment that I can cope with any more work, although as I don't have a great pension( about three smaller usless ones that will probably give me £12 a year) I can see me having to work well into my old age to try and keep up with things,( I'm 47 now so not a spring chicken)....
What he fails to remember is when I met him, he had nothing and I was the one working and had a mortgage, so he moved into my house with my Mother and I, and I never once said that he had to go out and find a proper job( he'd put deck chairs out on the beach in the Summer for a bit of money)....
Oh, how they have such short memories.
Thanks for the recent replies! Things are okay, still up and down at times. Your ex does sound similar to mine! My youngest has just started school and my ex still thinks I should be working full time! As long as I can afford to keep to the hours I do now, I have no intentions of going full time. Its enough of a nightmare as it is at times juggling work and the kids, especially during the school holidays. My ex annoys me when he says that I only have the job I have now as he supported me through uni! I really dont know how he supported me, I must have missed that!
My ex is back for 2 wks after being away for nearly 5 months, he is having the kids this weekend. I did suggest that he might want to see them during the wk so he could pick them up from school etc but he cant as he has nowhere to stay! It just annoys me as I have to juggle everything.
My youngest started school this week. I still feel a bit sad that he is at school and I feel that I havent done as much as I should have done, like taking him to groups etc over the last couple of years. I guess I just feel a bit lonely still, when we first split, my friends were really good but they have thei own lives and I dont see that much of them now
Hope everyone else is okay
Sam
Hi Sam. It's very early days yet, your son has only just started school. Don't feel guilty over not taking him to groups etc. He isn't going to remember for a start!! You're a brilliant Mum, and not taking him to groups doesn't make you any less of one. What are your plans for the weekend?
Thanks hazeleyes! I just feel like I should have got out more and met up with other Mums rather than staying at home with him. Ive got to work on sunday and think I will do some sorting out etc at home on saturday x
You sound pretty busy SamW.
You son will soon settle into school and find a whole new network of friends. Now might be a good time for you to have a look at our article about extending your own social circle, see here. It is easy to let the weeks slip away, but worth taking the time to think about the support we have around us.
Hope you have a good and productive weekend, I am sure things will calm down ater the chldrens' time with their dadi
Oh sam....we could go out for coffee if we lived near each other....
It's sad to hear that you don't see your friends as much as when it first happened...
Have you tried ringing them and trying to make a date to visit or go out?
You might be surprised that they're thinking the same thing that they haven't seen you for a while.
Thanks for the advice girls. Mich it would have been lovely if we could have met for coffee! There has been a couple of times that I have asked my friends if we can catch up, but they have been busy. I have 2 good friends, our kids were born close together. They were great when I first split with my ex but things have changed a lot now. They both had babies last yr and their hubbies are in the forces like mine was. I know it sounds childish but I just feel very left out now. We all went for a day out to airday at the base, it was a good day but was difficult as their kids were going on lots of rides etc and when they ran out of money, they asked their husbands for more! I found it tough as I only have my money so I have to try and watch the pennies! I think it is hard aswell as I dont live near my family
hi sam hope you ok today im like you when things like this happen you do find out who become your really friends i had a really good mate she was like a sister to me but when we split she sent a text saying on fb she couldnt be our friends then she stopped ringing then the textes stopped then she texted me to say she didnt want a lift anymore for swimming it hurts i do find frineds are there but i feel like i dont want to keep asking as they have their lives too .its is hard i find the nights are the worst but yah i get there i wont let my ex see that he as brought me down since wed i still feel low and cant shake it off for some reason and i cant explain as to why guess i will still be like this. i can relate to that watching the pennies , my youngest coem home yest and asked can i do football no as i got to drive to it and its the cost and you do swimming and beavers i cangt do everything . i have not got much family like you mich what i have got they dont live near . must shake this mood off me what everyone got nice planned for the weekend ? have a good day x
It is a sad fact that after separation, some of our friends are nowhere to be seen. This happened to me too, it was almost as if I had grown another head. I had to start again and have now built up a fantastic circle of friends.....do read the article I highlighted in my post to SamW above, as I had to put lots of effort in to achieve this and there are lots of ideas about how to go about it in the article.
Yes I know the thing about the money. My boys could choose one thing to do, either beavers or judo or swimming as I could only afford one, even though I have always worked. The very worst thing that happpened was that there was a sports week at youngest's school and all week they had been told that if they did this, that and the other they would get a prize. Friday came and the prize was a voucher for seeing a rugby team at a giant stadium at a nearby city.......as long as a full price adult went with them. I was incensed and complained bitterly, explaining that there was no way that I, as a single parent, could afford a ticket or to get there. I said it is bad enough that my boys do not have a dad to take them to things like this, without rubbing their noses in it (all the rich kids were crowing about how their dads would take them etc) People just do not understand if they have not been in that situation themselves.
Anyway that is my rant over with....what are the plans for the weekend, everyone?
Oh samW and shaz5 I really do feel for you both.....It is true that friends have their lives to get on with, which can make it very difficult....
At the moment I try to give one of mine a phone call if I'm feeling down, just so I can talk to someone, and that helps to pass the time too a bit...( I have to say there is always the feeling that you don't want to be a moany nuisance to them, but hopefully the moaning will get less with time, or so I'm hoping). I just keep telling them that I really appreciate their support and thank them, as at least then I hope they don't feel I'm just taking advantage of them.
I haven't got anything planned for this weekend...( I'm still trying to get to grips with sorting stuff out in the home...which I'm still putting off), so maybe I can make a start with it..Lordy!
I think that's why I am on here too....passing some time, after my daughter has gone to school, and I am in the house alone...
The weather today is grey and miserable, but at least I'm not feeling too cold at the moment....
I understand too Louise, that it's very hard trying to do what you can for your kids with little money...it's so frustrating....You just hope that when they are living their own lives they will understand how much you love them, and even if you couldn't afford everything they wanted, at least you gave them love and emotional support. I think the thing is when you are involved in a relationship split, to give them a sense of security and the fact that you will never leave them, is at least something very precious....
Hi Sam W, for some reason I seem to have completely missed this thread, but I am here now!
I was reading about your friends from the forces. I imagine being a 'wife' of someone in the forces, social life is good, there is plenty going on and it is a bit like being part of a gang? That can be really great, if you are part of it, but I guess as soon as you are out, you are generally an outsider.
If none of your 'force' friends seem that interested, it is time to say goodbye and move on, it could get so demoralising trying to get 'in' with a crowd, that won't make the effort, as shaz5 says, divorce really shows up who your real friends are.
I have just mentioned on another thread about a new dance class that I went to last night, there was only 4 of us and it was so much fun, after moving about a bit, we couldn't help but giggle! I just wish I had started sooner.
Find a class, a course anything where you will be around other people and that is where friendships grow and people get to know you for who you are now, not the wife you once were
We often talk about how difficult it is seeing happy families out in public on these boards, but we have noticed that no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors! Being a single parent means we can do what we want, we don't have to defer to someone else, cater for in laws, listen to boring stories about work, plus so much more, once we recognise that being a single parent can be Brilliant....I have found that my 2 parent friends, have been envious of my life (tee hee!!)
Have a look at The Best Thing about Being a Single Parent thread for inspiration about why doing this alone is SOOOOO much better! 
Thanks again for the replies, I will have a read through all the links that have been suggested. Although my son has just started at school, a lot of the other Mums are also forces wives as it is in the area near the base where my ex used to work. Sometimes I think we need to move away somewhere and have a fresh start but Im not really sure if I can face that!
But that's all part of it at the moment sam.W even after this time, it's still difficult to make those huge decissions I would think...It's never just a straightforward choice...
Maybe though a fresh start would really help you, maybe write down all the pros and cons...and see what you come up with?
Good plan Mich!
Sam.W you might be right when you say that you can't face moving away at the moment, but you might find the strength over the following 6 months, so don't wipe the idea out completely. This is the start of the rest of your life and only you are in control of the outcome.
You sound as though you are still finding life a struggle, have you spoken with a counsellor?
Is there somewhere that you have considered moving to?
I did see a counsellor after me and my ex first split, I think I had about 6 sessions with her. I live in the South West and do not have family here, I moved here as my ex is in the forces and this is where he was based. I am from the midlands, which is where I have considered moving back to. I do not have a mot of family there though, there is only my Mum and my exes family who i do still get on well with at the min.
The problem is that I do like the area where I am now, but am starting to find it very lonely. I have applied for 2 jobs back home but have withdrawn before the interview as I just didnt feel that the time was right, but will it ever be? I do like my job here and the hours work in well with the children, im not sure I would get that anywhere else!
Hmm it is a big decision with lots of factors to take into account, I guess I would do a pros and cons list, with points given to each pro or con as to how important they were...
It was my children who persuaded me not to move - well my oldest (he was 12 at the time).
Generally I'm glad I stayed, but then I grew up here, so very different.
Such a difficult choice.
hi i think what louis as said do a list pros and cons ! but i know how you feel move to get away fresh start but when i put that someone said that the problem still comes with me just in a new house new area ! me i know i got friends here that are my support team and kids are settle in school with their friends but its still there but give it time and if that feeling still stays strong then think of it then when you are stronger within yourself. i think some of us this is all new and scary and unsure of things and we scared of the furture i know i am . but do a list and give yourself time to get stronger but it is difficult
Good post shaz 5, thanks for that. It is true your problems and worries will follow you wherever you go.
I think it is very natural to consider moving, we have to look at all our options and it may be the answer, but sort your issues out first before you go anywhere.
Loneliness and isolation can feel horrible and if your confidence is below par, then going out and meeting new people can seem very difficult. So I think first thing to concentrate on is confidence.
Write down all the things you are good at. All your achievements, from learning to swim 5m to passing your driving test, to being a great mum and keeping your children warm, safe and fed!
You mention that you got with your ex when you are 16, to me this says that you haven't necessarily done all things that you have ever wanted to do. What are you into? Now is the time to explore, perhaps you like painting? Knitting? Craftwork? Woodwork? Fashion? Colours? Interior Design?
Now is your chance to get to know yourself, when you find something you have an interest in and leearn more about it, you may find you meet like minded people too.
Thanks again for all the replies, I have been given some very good advice! I agree that my confidence is at rock bottom at the minute. I feel like I am just exisiting rather than living and I am struggling to concentrate on work at times.
To be honest, I have never really had any hobbies for myself, I need to think seriously about what I would like to do, unfortunately I have never been very good at crafts etc!
I seem to remember you saying some time ago that you enjoy swimming? or you could try that new zumba that everyone seems to enjoy. The world is your oyster!
hi sam.w your confidence will be at rock bottom , i think all of ours does when we are thrown into this not by choice either but it is how we deal with it is important.
i still have good and bad days then i cry then i say why should i allow you to get me like this you having fun it was you who walked , you who did this not me i would have listened tried to work it out but you chose this path !
i try to stay postitive even though at times i find it hard but i think if you stay down then the healing will take longer but somkeone on here did say it will take awhile to get over as we have to go through the stages of emotions and we are left to deal with the kids emotions too , i know i am but many people have said to me over the last few months i wil become stronger and i will get over this he will regret it but it will be his doing.
For me i have stood up to him in calling the police and by doing the divorce so in away i have become stronger even if i dont feel it . im like you i dont have hobbies i do enjoy swimming but apart from going with the kids i have yet to go but i did join zumba and i go once aweek with my neighbour and we have a laugh if nothing else we the only 2 who go in the oppostive directions lol i buy a mag so whne the kids in bed i sit and read or will call a mate with me i do long stitch but unable at min to do much due to my hand .
for me its looking for what will help my build my confidence up and what can i do see if there is a local ginger bread group near you i go on a friday nite to mine where you go and the kids go too . our class is not brill but im out one nite kids have made friends and i have too i get out talk to adults and they do trips etc in the holis
i could have gone to weston for £11 all three of us but i had to stay as ex went to court that day for hitting me it costs £1.50 aweek you get out for 2 hours try to stay postive easy sadi than done i know but us all on here are either going through it now or have been through it and come out the other end so can offer help and support i know i have found this site to be really good to air off and unload it would be nice to have a meet up with everyone to say a huge thankyou for being there for me when you when you dont know me but we all live in different parts but its hard but we can get through it believe it is not our faults our partners have done this to us is a big lesson for me to have learnt hope you have a good day its sunny here so im off to take the kids to school just saw the time euks writing away on here lol have a nice day x
Oh sam.W...I know exactly how you feel, honestly...
It's now been about a month for me since I found out, and it's not seeming to get easier with time at the moment for me, and because of what has happened to you, it does make you feel really low without seeing any light at the end of what seems like an endless tunnel.
But as others that are further along have said, it does get a little easier, so I am clinging on to that fact. Also, you have to remember that your sensible head can probably undertsand all this, but your emotions are just getting in the way, and still making you feel awful at the moment. It seems that all you want to feel is just 'normal' again.
Everyone here is so great for support. I have to say a friend phoned the other day and asked me to go into town, and I just really couldn't pull myself together to do that,( it was after my husband had taken my daughter out to dinner the night before and it had really affected me).
But at least today doesn't feel quite so bad as then, but you still have to remember that your emotions still swing wildly even from one moment to the next.
You say that you don't know about another job, but the positive thing is that at least you do like your job where you are and it does fit in with your children, so that in itself is actually a huge positive. Also if it's any comfort to you, I don't have any family either,( only a cousin that I sometimes chat to).So there are others in a very similar boat to you, and we all do still feel very lonely sometimes. But also look at it this way, you could be in a relationship with someone and still feel lonely or sad then too, so it isn't always as great as it could seem.Plus, I try and look at it this way too, we are going through all these awful emotions right now,and someone we have loved, trusted and felt safe and secure with has smashed that all to pieces....so our worlds have been devastated..BUT if/when we get over this it can only make us stronger people...There is still a part of us that craves that security again with the person we loved or gave our trust too, but at least one thing I know is that I could never go through this again, so I know I would never go back or have him back again...
The thing is too, some days when we feel really low, others here might not be feeling as bad, so can give you the boost you need, and vice versa...
I know this is a long post, so sorry about that, but I hope some of these words can help you
Good post, Mich!
Thanks again for all the advice, it really is much appreciated! I am certainly not going to rush into any rash decisions about moving, Im not sure if I ever will do it, but I just have to make the best of it for now.
Once T is full time at school, I am hoping to go swimming on a monday which is my day off. I think it will do me good to do something just for me!
I feel a bit better this week, I treated myself to some new curtains and lamps for my living room last wk, I know it sounds silly but it feels really good to buy things for myself and that are nothing to do with my ex! i spend a fair amount of time at home so I want to feel comfortable there!
I have agreed with my ex our divorce settlement, I am going to get 75% of the money and he will get 25%. My solicitor does think I should have all the money but I know that my ex would never agree to that and it would drag it all out and cost more in legal fees. With any luck, things will start moving soon. Im sure I will have mixed emotions when the divorce is finalised though!
Thanks again everyone
Sam.W I love it that you have bought some new things for your home, I think it is a massive step (and can get addictive, so watch out!!)
It can feel strange buying stuff without asking someone elses point of view, but also very cool getting something that we really like and no-one can tell us otherwise
I never had any hobbies, once I did a course and had to share 4 things that I had in my life, ummmm that was hard! I put my daughter in one square and my 2 cats in the other, then I was completely stumped. I felt awful and wanted the floor to open and swallow me up, I then put a glass of wine in the another corner and a cigarette in the last corner!!!! I can laugh now, but I was in such a horrible place at that time, I had such a low opinion of myslef.
You are going to start to get to know yourself, all over again, a new adult you. You can now have the life that you choose.
What did you like to do when you were little? Dressing up? Putting on shows? Board games? Playing house? Swimming/gymnastics/bicycling?
hi sam w i glad you doing little steps it does help to but new things just to make little changes . things we had brought ornaments that i didnt want to keep i did a carboot . im not good with ebay so i did that instead kids loved it and doing another next sun as i got things in the loft i have found old kids toys too and i have lots of xmas things so that may go too all helps . i think afetr xmas i like the bedroom painted and a new carpet and curtains i did get new bedding for me and i go out on a tues night for a hr to zumba that helps me to unwind our side won the shouting lol so i get a pound off my next class all good then i come home have a cuppa and a biscuit i know thats not the right thing but who cares have a good day x
Sounds good, shaz5
I remember when I first separated, one of the things my husband had done was to keep telling me to take things down from the walls as he did not like them, so the first thing I did was go out and choose a painting I really liked, it was not much money but for me it symbolised freedom and I have it on the wall to this day.
Hello SamW
Great to have you with us, and you have found a friendly and supportive site
I am full of admiration for all you have achieved and come through and your feelings are quite natural. I will not be answering posts on the board until a bit later today but wanted to say HELLO and I will write you a more substantial most later,hopefully wth some helpful pointers!
in the meantime hope your morning goes well
and others will be along in the o=course of the day to say hello