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Life can be a b***h... What's the silver lining in your cloud, though ?
dont understand ur comment strange comment
Hi ThePhoenix
Your right it's amazing what abit of sunshine can do for you 
Glad to hear that you have found a counsellor that you find helpful. As for the long weekend is there anything happening locally that you can do on the cheap i.e May day fair, swimming, local walks or art trails or exhibits?
keira i think that ThePhoenix meant that life can be tough at times, and that we should look for the postives in our situations, and was asking you what the positive things in your life are!!
Hi Kiera,
Those are just sayings...
It means life is hard and often seems dark but we have to look out for the positive aspects...
Hope I haven't offended anyone !
Yes, ...planning to be out and about. Also if the weather is nice, we will have some friends over for lunch. Please...let us have some sun !!
Hello The Phoenix, lovely to chat with you again!
I worked with a lady whose ex was an alcoholic and she had to breathalyse him before each contact time! Not sure whether that was a court order or he had volunteered, to "prove" to her he was clean.
Yes, it can feel rotten when there is more month than money. Time to do a bit of foraging around! There WILL be things in your area that are free or cheap. Have a look at our section on Local Stuff, also have a look at NetMums and contact your local library and also, surprisingly, your local Tourist Info. The children's school may well be informed of school holiday activities (for the end of May, I mean) and you can also invent things of your own, such as treasure hunts, for free. Would they like to help you in the garden if you have one, or grow some cress if you haven't? Have you seen the "I Spy" books? They challenge a child to spot certain things in different categories, such as The Night Sky or Wild Flowers, there are even books about what to see in a railway station, mine loved that. I know it is hard when you just feel tired but these things will improve your mood too (honest)
I agree with Anna about doing some things for yourself too. I know you can't always get out and about but what would YOU like to do?
Thanks for all the links, Louise. I will definitely check them out. I have planned an outing to a local wetland and nature reserve for the Monday and maybe have some friends over for lunch on Saturday. Hope the sun shines and the kids can go out in the garden. Also want to plant some runnerbeans/broad beans to construct a wigwam...for later in the summer.
The only thing I REALLY want to do for myself is just be able to have a nice cool beer in the garden and read a book from start to finish (fast reader, I am)...DOn't want anything else... Should be easy ...?? I try..
Always been an easy girl to please. Never wanted the lights, glamour or clothes or money..folks said he was a lucky man..Guess he didn't think so..
Are you guys doing anything this weekend?
Nice to 'see' you too Louise Interesting to hear about the lady whose ex is also an alcoholic. Did I say he turned up a few week ago to get the kids and he was smelling of stale alcohol ? I was in a quandry about letting the kids go with him. I did in the end as they were just going into town...But he was telling the kids that he wants to take them away for longer trips etc. That of course petrifies me. When I talk to a couple of friends, they say he 'won't do anything stupid.. would he ..?' Most people don't understand addiction. They have no idea what we have lived with and how it affects us. I have only come to understand more as I talk to fellow people in similar situations to mine. It's also a venue to get ideas on how to cope. I try to not talk about it with 'normal' folks nows. It just upsets me when they don't understand the gravity of putting children in the car with an alcoholic.
Sorry, Louise that was a long one. Gotta to run now...hugs to you!
I agree, people don't understand, it is not like "assuming" that a parent would not drink with the children, addiciton outweighs everything.
Ooh a beer and a book, that sounds nice You have some enjoyable things planned too. My boys are grown up now, my eldest was here last weekend so there will be some quiet time this one, new sofa is coming Saturday, there is a bg celebration service at church on Sunday and I am going to a party and staying in a B+B....all these things, however, are because I am a lot further down the path than you and the boys are grown. When they were younger my one wish in life was a bath in peace and quiet!
Hahaha Louise. Your last line makes me laugh. Bath in peace and quiet...seems I'm not so crazy after all to hanker after a beer and a book in the garden. Some of my friends are really worried that I am not seeing other 'people' and going out. Point is, I have never been much of a party girl. I love books and films; that's what I miss really. Good to know that with time, I will hopefully find those again. I'm hopeful..
Interesting to hear your 'celebration service at church on Sunday'. I find that going back to church has been a balm on my soul. I found myself at home...So I'm hoping to go again this Sunday.
Were your boys really young when you started this journey ? Hope you don't mind my asking.
Ask away, Phoenix. I split from the boys' dad when they were 3 and 8. However, I did feel I was parenting alone for some time before that! Their dad lost several jobs and ended up doing a few night shifts in a care home so he worked at night and slept all day and I took care of the children while doing three cleaning jobs and a course at college (this enabled me to get an office job when we split up)
It is indeed good to be with other adults so do find opportunities for that. I go to a book club now once a month and we chat about our reading. But I reckon just finding opportunities for a quick coffee or a good laugh is a real boost too.
Yes, I know what you mean about parenting alone before the actual split. The same goes for me too. Things were bad for a long time and then the last straw came along.
I just hope I can do something with this qualification I got last year. Not much luck so far though. I'm wondering if I should just shelf the idea and find any old job.
I do manage to have a coffee with someone most week. This counselling group thing is also good for me. Did you find counselling etc helped ?
Hi ThePhoenix, i can't speak for Louise but i found counselling really helpful so much so that i have had the odd block of sessions over the years to help with the odd hiccups that have come along.
What area of teaching are you looking for work in?
Hi Sally,
Teaching English to Non Native Speakers - adults. Know anyone ?
Cheers, Sally
Hi ThePhoenix, would you consider advertising your services in your local community centre? Do you live in an area where there are non English speakers?
Hello Anna,
Long time...how are ya?
Yes and yes to your questions. I've even rang up local language schools but no joy. I'm volunteer helper at the mo. Just to get the experience under my belt. Lots of non English speakers where I live but most don't want to pay and expect service free of charge ! Yes, seriously...I know as I gave some trial lessons and this lady wanted me to go back to teach her. But she won't (can't) pay...
One of my ex-course mate found this to be true too.
Friend of mine is going to help me get my own website going. That might generate something. We'll see. So frustrating though as I know from others that I can do a good job and I love teaching. Feel like shelving this and go back to college but can't find the right course to suit with the funding. Aaaah...
Hi ThePhoenix, dont give up, you will get there. Your qualification will not be wasted. Children grow, you meet people, opportunities come up. Just got to keep your ear to the ground.
So I hope you WILL have some nice times over the coming weekend?
Thanks for the encouragements Louise.
Yes, I have a full weekend palnned. Clothes shopping and birthday planning tomorrow. Friends coming for lunch Sunday and then a jaunt to a wild life reserve on Monday. Hope it won't be too hot ...kinda wish I could sit back with a beer in the garden..
Have a fab weekend won't you and come back to let us know how it all went..
heh heh The Phoenix, not much chance of it being "too hot" Enjoy your weekend 
...No...
Why does the lack of sun always make me feel so downcast ?
Well sun boosts us all, I reckon. However, I also find a joy in being cheerful in grey weather, we can make our own sunshine
Helloooo! Down in the south west we had beautiful sunshine the last couple of days! hope that put a spring in your step ThePhoenix
I agree with Louise, opportunities arise, often when you least expect them. Have you seen Yes Man? Jim Carrey decides that he will say Yes to any request that he is asked. Very funny, but also quite interesting as to how many new things can come our way, if we are open to them!
Hi Anna,
Yes, sunshine has made me feel better, thank you. Glad you had it too.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for opportunities...that is what I need.
No, I haven't seen that one. Might be a good one to catch for my next viewing.
Thanks
Yes do watch it, I loved it and now really try and say Yes, even when I want to say No, When I am invited to parties, meetings, conferences etc, In the past I would have run a mile and said I was busy, now I go and do these things and enjoy them, you never know where you will end up.
I have a funny story about this job, I had contacted the charity for help (when they had a helpline), 6 months later they were calling every 10th person to see if SPAN had helped and how people were doing now. I had a long conversation with the person on the phone and she suggested I came down, met the team and did some volunteering. I sneered at the thought of working without being paid, however she encouraged me to agree and here I am 10 years later, trained up and doing a job that I am passionate about! I often wonder where I would be if that colleague hadn't badgered me into it!
Hi Anna,
I will heed your advice.
A lot of people I spoke to seem to have similar experience to yours. A chance they took when it didn't seem like much and it turned into something bigger. I am sticking with the voluntary work right now because a) I like teaching and has always done it in some capacity or another b) supervisors have told me I'm good at it and c) I'm hoping opportunities might present itself in someway through contacts...
However, it is hard because the financial pressure is almost crippling.. the kids (young as they are) are extremely encouraging and want me to perservere. I don't know how long I can do it for though. I don't want to take on any job that comes along just to pay the bills as I do want to think of my own future. Maybe that's selfish of me especially considering the circumstances...
Thank you for taking the time to share this with me. I can't tell you how much it means to 'talk'.
Hello The Phoenix, I agree that you need to exercise a "certain" degree of selectiveness about jobs, however I think what Anna was meaning was to accept invitations, to network with all sorts of people and start to get yourself out there. Sometimes it takes many months for these things to bear fruit but they often do in the end. In the meantime the volunteering is great!
Hi Louise,
Yes, I agree. Time..
Hello everyone,
Hope you are all staying strong. Thought I|'d just pop in to say hi and to give a brief update since the last time.
I now have a temporary job which I hope will be made permanent. It's only a few hours a week but it it's a start. The kids and I managed to scraped together our savings and got ourselves a little car. So I guess we are more independent than we were. Bit by bit and step by step.
Have since talked to similar folks to my situation, proving I have done the right thing for me and the kids. Now also in a support group that meets up regularly. This has proved a lifeline.
Still find it hard being alone without my family. Some days better than others. But rather this than the horror that was before I threw him out. Kids doing well; will always have to deal with the hurt he caused but I hope we will get there.
To all those who are on the same journey, I hope you will find the encouragements and hope from here.
Thank you to the One Space team who was here to keep me sane and going when I was so down.
Phoenix
Hi The Phoenix, it is good to hear from you and to know about your progress over the past few months, Congratulations on the new job, i'm sure your holding out for what you want will pay off for you.
Hi Phoenix
I'm glad that things are sounding positive.
How wonderful to hear about things improving for you, The Phoenix. You're right, however hard things have been they are still better than what you were going through before. Glad we have been able to help you along the way Keep in touch though, we always like to hear from you
Hi All,
So...it's that time of year again. Already the season's preparations are getting overwhelming. These aren't the problem however. It is also the season of alcohol; so I am back on that horror ride of trying to dodge him having the children in the car with him.
This year is worse than the others as he has moved himself away (over 2 hours by car). And he wants to have them for the day. That's a total of over 4 hours with him potentially driving the children,with alcohol in him. He insists that he isn't an alcoholic still. But he had also told one of the children that he '...drinking as much as he used to..'
Anyone with the same dilemma ?
Phoenix
That's dreadful Phoenix. How old are the children?
Have you made an appointment to get some advice from your local police? It's hard for you to be able to do anything remotely but maybe they can put an alert out so he can be breathalised if seen driving with the kids?
You have to do something you must be sick with worry.
X
Hi The Phoenix, I agree it is a dreadful worry. I knew a woman who split up from a chap with an alcohol problem and they had an agreement that she would administer a breathalyser each time she handed over the children. However, that was because the court had ordered this. But I guess if someone wanted to prove they were sober then they would have no problem with this.And that is only on the way there and not on the way back.
Am I right in saying that it is not possible for you to drive them there and back?
You could say that it is too far for them to travel (four hours is a long time in the car for them) and he needs to come to you to see them, staying in a Travelodge if neccessary?
Hi GoodEnoughMum and Louise,
They are 9 and 12.
I have thought of making an appointment with the local ppolice for advice. It might be an idea. Didn't know I can do that. Thanks for that.
I could drive them there and back. It would be a backbreaking drive (literally). But if it ensures the children's safety. I don't know if I should do that though. I'm thinking..
Yes, I have said it is too much of a journey and especially the children are both exhausted and not well at this horrible time of the year. However, he gave the girls a hard time last night and accused them of not wanting to spend Christmas with him. I had them both mighty upset.
I feel totally alone in this, I must say, and wish for the millionth time that we are safe and cared for with my own family. A friend said that I deal with this kind of things really well, but I'm only doing my best. Quite often that best is just keeping our chins above water.
Thanks for responding..
I still think he needs to be the one doing the travelling here and back and seeing them locally rather than subjecting them to four hours in the car.
I agree with Louise, it sounds crazy for them to be travelling
x
thanks for reply, well my 2 sons are 15 and 11, my eldest dawter is 19, she at uni, my kids cud do with new shoes clothes etc,ad 3 hearings now, my ex is violent thug,so far he asnt bin allowed acess, ialso av non molestation order against him, next hearing june, want it over withx