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Caza, I know it feels the police dont take things seriously, on the one and only occasion I reported a threat from my ex they didnt bother to even come round and they just said his words "your family are gonna pay for everything you have done, so be careful" could be interpreted to mean anything. But the key point is they logged it and if you continue to log everything he says it will create a picture of his behaviour and show what he is really like. Things may escalate on the back of it but they could also escalate if you do nothing.It is better to make the authorities aware of what you are going through and get all the help you can. I waited 10 years before I ever spoke out and wish I would have addressed things much earlier. Your ex is a bully and he will keep on getting at you until he is stopped so it is good to take action right now.
Sending you a hug x
Marianne, Good luck with your GP hun. I hope he/she can do something for you there is nothing worse than feeling so helpless in a situation. Thinking of you x
thanks guys , i have now logged it with careline and they have said i have ated appropriatly and should seek legal advice , i also logged the police log number with them hopefully this will show the courts i am doing the right thing for my children x
acted appropriatly x
Well done Caza, your doing the right thing hun x
Hi caza, well done for logging it, I know it is scary however it is important that you show that you mean business now.
I would also log it for yourself, in a diary too. So that you have a record. I am so sorry that you experienced this behaviour. It is so vile and they think that they would be a good parent?? I am sorry that we weren't online when you were going through it, but you handled it very well, even though by sounds of things the police weren't very empathetic.
marianne, how did it go with the GP?
thanks everyone i bought a note pad and paper today so as to start writing everything down but so much has happend over the yrs i realy dont know where to start, i need to start but where do i start from and things happend that wernt recorded when i was in a relationship with hm and i dont know exact dates and times x
Hi thanks for your comments,my GP has changed med n gotta have a blood test to check Thyroid as Anxiety so severe,no luck with getting the counselling hurried up tho I am very upset as I cant get my kids back until I have it,I have had 7 witheld calls today and wary it the police as my ex said pressing charges,staying out of my flat as much as poss
Bad start today police at door at 8.15am fortunately came in a plain car,ex had me warned for harrassment and that I not to contact him again,wasn't going to anyway,he has my phone he is returning so I cannot contact him but am sad that my eldest daughter is also not allowed to contact him about her own brother,was my only means of seeing how my son was,I miss him so so much,hope everyone else has a better day
Hello marianne42,
Sorry to hear you had such a horrid start to the day. It sounds as though you may need to start making a note of the withheld calls you're having if your ex is going to 'turn the tables' and accuse you of harrassing him.
It sounds as though your GP is doing all they can for you. I understand your frustration with not being able to get the counselling hurried along. Can I ask if it is a requirement that it's NHS counselling you receive before you can get the children back in your care? I ask because if not, I'm wondering if you could find a voluntary counselling agency in your area who might be willing to see you for a small contribution.
caza, try not to concern yourself about writing down 'what happened when' in the past. Concentrate instead on logging what goes on from this point forward. That way you aren't stressing yourself out and the police will have a clear idea of current events.
Take care, both of you.
Hi marianne42, I am glad to read that you are getting some emergency counselling, that is good news.
It would be a good idea for you to be logging all the incidents that you have with your ex, as it seems as though he is playing games by sending you letters apologising.
Do you keep a record of it all?
Thanks Anna yes have record of all but seems police are never on my side,I havnt called them as often as I should as my landlady lives in same road and saw them here other morning,she gave me notice to quit if any more goes on n someone reported to her that I been making alot of noise which is a joke as there no one even here apart from my eldest popping in and out,I felt out with downstairs as she been banging out loud music n told her she not been a friend(in 3 weeks not even bothered to knock to see how I am),I am not looking forward to seeing ss on Monday as whoever has contacted them knows I already under them,am feeling victimised,if my daughter were at risk then her dad wouldnt have let her home to stay the night,If not for my eldest I would have run off up North as I have family there
Hello marianne42, please have a look at this website (click) and this one here as you may find them really helpful.
Caza, I agree with little angel, make the police log everything as then a pattern is evident.
Hi hope everyone is well.I have managed to have some contact with my little boy but my ex has stopped me seeing him agagin because of me crying down the phone to him over ss, I read their assessment booklet last night and I hadnt realised the core assessment they had done meant my baby was at significant risk,I wa sdevastated,I asked my ex what had he said to them to make them come to that decision and he responded by saying go away I dont want to talk to you then text me that I blame everyone but myself and will only see my boy thru contact centre and he accused me of drinking as usual,he took him to his grandsons birthday party today and that hurts because I was meant to see him today,ss came yesterday about my daughter and I am scared I will lose her too as both my ex's seem to want to destroy me,my solicitor is useless havnt heard from her in 8 days,my ex can dictate when I see my son depending on what mood he is in,I hate him so much and I think I need to tell ss exactly how nasty he can be ,but will they believe me?,I am in a really bad way,I miss my boy so much
First of all you need to ask social services to explain what factors there were that led them to assess your boy as being at significant risk. Remember what we always say on here about being polite and co-operative with them ( very difficult when they are dealing with the most important thing in our lives, our children, and no wonder we get upset!)
Also I gave you a link above to the Family Rights Group. Do get in touch with them.
hi every one , things havnt changed much since my last post , i havnt heard from ex other than from mediation and his solicitors im now waiting for appiotments with both , i will be telling mediation that i dont think its apropriate as there was dv issues that they havnt been made aware of , i recevd a letter from his solicitor asking for baby every weeknd to be supervised by his mum then moving on to unsupervised and then to overnight , i dont think he has told the solicitor about the dv wich means he will more than likely be denying the lot, and will go to fact finding hearing :(
Hello caza and it is lovely to have you back on the boards. Good luck with the appointments and let us know how you get on.
How is your little one?
hi caza im 40 and big age gapwith my kids, my little girl is 2, my son 11,14, and 19 yr old daughter,and my little girl wil b my lastx
hi kiera i am 40 also with a big gap between my daughters my eldest is 18 and then 14 and my baby girl is also my last , would of loved to of had one more if ex had been a decent guy we would of had one straight away but instead i got sterilised and havnt had a patner since i broke with ex just another thing he has took away from me really fertility and the hope of motherhood once more, i tresure every moment with baby tho :)
Hi caza good to see you back on the boards, have you got any plans for the half term?
hi caza i avnt ad a partner since ex either, dont want one either, how are u gettin on hun, i ad to do a seperate parents info meeting yest, court order. wasnt to bad, at least its dun now,xx
hi keira no i dont think i can love again my heart was broken so badly and still is and still after a year i still think of him and have feelings i feel such a loss i worshiped the ground he walked on and he just crapped all over me we could of been so happy i keep telling my self if had just been normal , i know he doesnt have no feelings for me and i wish i didnt but i cant help the way i feel i would neva take him back but cant get rid of my heartbreak and pain , i dread seeing himin court and hope i feel differant at least by then cos i just know i,l be an emottional wreck , iv done all the write things to protect my self and my children i signed and aggrement sayin i wouldnrt evr allow him unsupervised access and would neva resume my relationship and was happy to do that in a way but i didnt sign away my feelings , i cant help the fact that i loved him he made me it was all part of his game plan he swept me off my feet made me feel special when he was nice how do i kill these feelings how do i mend a broken heart its been nearly a year :(
and my baby has lost out on a father figure she has no father figure in her life because of him , iv tried speaking to other men online and i have no feelings just numbness i think il be on my own forever now all because of him
Hello caza would you consider having some counselling, as these feelings are very strong for you?
i have considerd couselling but at the end of the day how bad does it look on me goig to couselling and admitting he broke my heart , deep down i know if i had him i wouldn want him i would be living on eggshells i think its just the loss and like i say the heartbreak , i would neva resume my relationship with him because my priority is my children but it doesnt stop the hurt i feel , imagine if ss knew i still felt like that they wouldnt like it , time is a healer i know but its been a year nearly how much more time can it take
im only human but ss dont like us to be human they like things writtn on paper and expect us to be like stone , did any one else feel like this , this is the first time iv admitted this and what if they found out , they cant do anything to me for being heartbroken surely
i love my kids more and have put them first and have proved that there safty is a priority to me , i know things will get nasty in court mayby that will kill or mend my broken heart it will turn it to stone , i have to play just as nasty as he will and the differance is i still have a consience he doesnt
Hi caza I don't think a year is a long time to recover from all you have been through, main ly because it did not al "end" a year ago, you are still dealing with the fallout. I would that thought counselling would be in your favour rather than against you, that you are getting yourself together after the loss of the relationship. But by all means wait till after the court hearing if you think that's best. In the meantime, do get in touch with a local agency and get some support around your feelings, which are NORMAL. Here is the Women's aid link, click here
thanks louise its normal is good to hear lol but it just seems like such a long road, people say to how could you of loved him!!! peolple just dont seem to understand course i loved i dont go and have a baby with any tom dick or harry i had a baby with him cos i wanted a family with him i wanted to settle down for good an thought he did to, he ruined it not me people seem to turn your emotions in to your weaknesses
at the end of the day when it was bad it was very very bad but when it was good its was really good , there was to much passion in the relationship
i miss the good id neva been treated so good when it was good he made me feel like the only woman on earth he really swept me off my feet , god he is such a bloody charmer its sick lol , but id also neva been treated so bad when it was bad , i hate the thought of him having that good with someone else wich i think he has i think he,s moved on, sometimes i cant sleep thinking of the times we had together and how sour it has turned , sometimes i just cant beleive it if you love some one that much as he said he did how can you hurt them so badly physically and physcoligically
hi caza i feel exactly same when it was gud it was gud and loved him sooo much but when it was bad he was bad and vile, i really wanted it to work, gutted when realized it wasnt ever gona work, he ad baby with sum1 else , god i ad baby with him, and luk wot appened ,was heartbroken, xand dreadin seein him in courtx
its just horrible having to feel this way the way they can move on and we cant , he told me he couldnt have kids and made me get rid of my first pregancy with him cos i neede major surgery and he just walked and wouldnt support me but then came back saying he wanted to try aagain and asking me to have the op pre conception wich i did ( also knowing that if i did fall preg again i wouldnt have to rely on him if he walked out on me again , he has said that he wont have no more kids but who knows and his mum has said thanks for proving he could have kids haha
Aw Caza, SS cant punish you for FEELINGS. Of course you feel as you do even me after leaving my ex 7 YEARS ago I am still carrying guilt for him as he wasnt "all bad". Feelings dont just disappear like that. You will be fine hun, its a natural process.
i wish i could just get him outa me head outa me system
Hi caza, this is such a horrible time. You feel as though you 'shouldn't' love him after all the terrible things that have happened, but you do and then you feel guilty.
Have a look at our article Life after Abuse (click), this can help you to understand a bit about what is going on for you at the moment.
I think that previously you have said that you were unable to attend a face to face Freedom Programme and you didn't want to do it online as you didn't think it would be beneficial. I actually disagree. I think if you went through the course online, you could come on here and we can support you with it, then when you can sort childcare out get to a local group. There is really good information in the programme and it is another step to empowering your life and moving forward. At least have a look at the first few pages here: Freedom Programme online
Some days you may feel that you don't want to move forward, you just want him back and all the good times. But you know in your heart, that is not possible. There is life afterwards and trust me it is 100 times more rewarding than the experiences you have been through with your ex.
You might also be interested to look at this - Victim to Thriver
hi caza how are u hun, ope ur okxx
hi keira am not to bd , howss things with you,have you heard back from caffcass x
Hi caza, you can checkout keiras thread here (click).
How are you and your children? I would imagine they are starting to getting excited about christmas!
Have you had a look at any of the links that Anna posted?
hi little angel i have searched through my emails to find our conversations i hope you are still active on this site and everything is goin well for you , i have had my first hearing and it has been adjournd for statements and police records , i remenrr you gave me soom really good advise abotu caffcass visist and was wondering wether we could have a chat for some advise i i forgot lol , hope to speak soom x
Hi anonymousmum, we haven't seen littleangel for a while, hopefully she is busy with the future and things are going well for her and her littleangel.
The discussions that you and littleangel were having are in the Contact Centre thread in Parenting Support and the may go to crown court?? thread in Separation & Divorce.
I hope this helps :)
Hi cazza,
I'm pleased you've emailed the legal expert, hope you get some good advice from her. It may well be a good idea to contact Childline if they have an idea of what's going on in your situation - it certainly won't do any harm. I can see why you might feel that the police didn't take your complaint seriously, but at least you logged it - if you have to contact them again, they will be able to see a picture building up of how your ex behaves towards you.
marrianne42 - let us know what happens with regard to your contact with the solicitor and your GP.
Thinking of you both.
Mary