This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
hi karim im fyn are u ok is ur boy at school
Hi kiera, is it tomorrow that you are having the party and meeting Pat Craven? Did you get childcare sorted out or will they let you bring your little one??
hi my soliciter rang, ex as left birthday presents at his soliciters, for our little girls birthday,my soliciter rang to see wot i wanted to do, i said think she b confused .mean she asnt seen him for few months , mean she only b 2, i said for er avin presents, my soliciter agreed with me tht she wud b confused, no contact allowed remember, so he av take presents bk, it wont go against me in court my soliciter saysxx
Ok well that was a bit of a surprise for you! Glad you have it sorted 
Did you get any childcare for going to the celebration.
hi well thnik my little girl b con fused if i say who they are from, she doesnt mention daddy at all, she as hardly seen him u c, he let er down like he always let me down. so said he av take presents bk, cant get childcare, my mum gon wales u c til sat, and celebration isnt place for kids really gutted really, im goin freedon programme next thur,and doin my one to one councelling, stil not heard why police was at myn at 2.30 21st sept, my soliciter as wrote to my ex askin bout it cos its important, if she doesnt hear bk she wil bring it up in court, must bin serious for police cum myn at tht tym and wake everybody up, x
Hi kiera, I agree it must have been pretty serious. Did you get to the celebration in the end?
Hi keira what are you and the children doing this weekend? Looks like we are going to have rain here 
Sorry your night out didn't happen kiera. Hopefully, you can rearrange something.
hi well my support worker from sure start as bin with anova support worker,sayin how gud i luk and no way i luk 40 lol i said i feel it, and she wqas shocked when she heard my story and wot ex did to me, she said i am very strong women , and i shud b proud of myself i got upsetx and she said i wud b gud supporting women as ive bin thru it all, wonder how i cud go bout supporting women who are goin thru domestic violencex
I had support from a housing association for vulnerable women. I'm sure I'd have gone crazy without my support worker when we were homeless.
I volunteered with them for a while after I started to feel stronger. It can be difficult though as you can almost relive your experiences when you hear the situation others are facing.
Perhaps you would be able to offer to volunteer with WA?
I did enjoy my time with them and was rather sad when they stopped using volunteers. It did coincide with wonky legs though, so probably just as well.
Hi kiera, when I worked with Womens Aid, they took on volunteers, but they had to be at least a year away from any abusive relationships, because as sparkling said, it does raise your own issues hearing someone elses and you can't support someone, if you haven't faced your own demons. So keep working on yourself, learn all you can about healthy relationships, looking after yourself and recognising abuse and unhealthy lifestyle patterns.
You mentioned in another post that you would like to get out and about a bit more, have a look at this article with links at the bottom for volunteering. I feel excited for the new journey you are about to embark on!
hi u n owot id like to do volunteer work, never dun tht, yeah wait a yr 1st bfore i can elp other women,its celebration this thur at freedom and pat craven cumin this thur, so cant wait, my mum watchin my little girlx
Oh that's great that you are going to the celebration, you thought you might have to miss it, didn't you?
I agree with Anna, it is so exciting to think of all the things you can do with your life now! So continue your healing journey: HIGH FIVE!
hi well pn bus today i fet really down and wanted to cry, came out blue,dont no why is tht normalx
Hi Kiera
Yes it is normal to get these tearful times out the blue. When anyone has been through a trauma, recovery comes in fits and starts. Think of it like a bereavement. When it first happens, you think about it all the time then gradually there are times when you are not thinking about it and you start doing other things then you can think oh I am really doing well and WHAM it hits you again.
The GOOD NEWS is that when you get these times, it does not mean you have gone backwards, it is a little blip before you move fowards again
hi well cafcass woman rang and left a message, wantin to cum out and see me, shud i b worried ,what appens wud she wamt to see my little girlx
Hello kiera I think your question has been answered by the posts on the court thread, see here
hi well cafcass woman cumin tomoz at 1pm. ope i say right wordsx
I'm sure you will be fine Kiera, good luck x
Good luck for today Kiera
hi thank u, tidyin house even more than normal so nice for lady cumin ,wot is a risk assessment, she said on risk to me if ex was to get contact
Hi kiera I saw that on the thread with caza that you felt that the meeting went well, were you able to ask what the risk assessment was and how they would go about doing it?
hi anna well lady asked me questions like wpt thenpolice ask regarding domestic incidents, cafcass lady said i cud b marraced again,quite shocked at tht, ive bin barracced bfore last yrx
hi well gutted my support worker cant cum court with me, short staffed u c, so av go on my own, but cafcass lady said lukin at bein adjourned as ex asnt dun drug test ,so hopefully wont av to go,dont wat to trail there early in mornin to b told its adjourned,as my mum gonma cum so early to watch my little girl god nos how im gona get court miles away for 9.30x
Kiera, what is marraced? Hopefully ex still won't have done the drug test, then it will be adjourned.
Oh kiera you need to find out one way or another, what a stressful time
hi marracced is when ss and police and health visitors get together to discuss my case and see how at risk i am, i was classed as very high risk yr half ago victum support cum and put new locks on adn alarms amd light in my garden, it is serious when u are classed as high risk, well my soliciter on holiday til middle next week, feel really down today, i really do
Hi keira sorry to hear your feeling down, your right if you are classed as high risk by the marrac it is quite serious.
Do you have any plans for this weekend? If you don't what can you do to cheer yourself up?
Hello kiera, hope you get some better sleep in as well, saw on the other thread your little girl has been very wakeful.
hi louise can i ask will cafcass lady tel me ex wot i said, she adnt bin to see him yet, cos of high risk he as to go and see er she isnt goin to his house, just wondered, mean is it private wot was said between me and cafc ass ladyx
Hi kiera, the Cafcass Officer can inform the other parent the general gist of what is going on, however I would give her a call so that you know exactly what she will be saying and more importantly, what she won't be saying.
Please let us know, when I went through the system many years ago, my officer was good, she told me what kind of shenanigans he was up to, and I think she told him that I wasn't happy with contact, but I was never sure if she was as friendly with him as she was with me.
thanks anna, she wanted no full story of wot went on with ex and me so told er truth, say ex lies bout everythin cos he lied for 2 half yrs wot if she believes him,mean she nos bout his lies and his past, all worryingx
Unfortunately we don't know what the Cafcass officers are thinking, but I imagine after her visit with you, she will see how your relationship with your ex has affected you. He may well lie to her, but hopefully she will be trained up enough to be able to see through what he says.
I know it is a worry, however there is little you can do at this point, just believe in yourself, that you have said and done the right thing. Try not to let it affect your family life any more than he has done already.
What are you up to today?
hi why do i feel so worried bout court im goin on my own and dreadin it, think to late for private room to b booked so dont av see ex, my soliciter asnt got bk to me, rang twice , court wed, sorri for goin on bout it,
It's understandable that you're worried, kiera.
Unfortunately, there's probably little you can do with regard to contacting your solicitor until Monday. Although having said that,I know that a handful of solicitor's offices are now open on a Saturday - so if you're that concerned about their lack of contact, you could try to ring again today.
hi well cafcass report as cum, all good, basicvally ex didnt turn up at office to see cafcass lady, he stil asnt dun drug test, and still concerns regarding high risks regarding ex towards me and gona b marracced again, cafcass lady recomends no contact, saying with how inconsistent he is to evryone not just our little girl, and with his criminal past and him stil getin in trouble, there is alot more but just giv un basics and in court dreadin seein him, il b scared to leave court wot if he waitn for me, i see he is dangerous and i am scared, im goin on my own mayb i shudnt wot do u think
It sounds as though the CAFCASS report has come back in your favour keira, which is great.
You say he still hasn't done a drugs test - you mentioned if this was the case, the hearing might well be adjourned. If it isn't, I would still go. It won't help the judge see you as responsible if you don't turn up - and I'm sure you'll be able to voice your concerns to the court staff and they'll do all they can to ensure you leave safely.
thing is in report more criminal acticity in report wot my ex as dun wot didnt no bout, he is dangerous and feelin panicky bout court goin to court and leavin, cafcass recomended no contact wot if he turns up he not happy with report and he waits for me nr court or followes me im goin ring my soliciter tomoz,and spk to cafcass lady, ive read more things in report bout ex made me more worriedxi am actuallt scared for my saftey, in report cafcass lady is in favour of residence orede so my little girl cant b removed from me which is wot i wanted, and me ever avin contact with ex cud set me back from my recovery, and for my saftey il b marracced again, quite scary u no, is it normal to feel like this
Hi kiera
Yes it is definitely normal. If you read threads written by other people who have been to court, such as little angel and shaz then hopefully that will give you some reassurance.
Why do you feel like this? Because you had such an awful fright in the court before, that is making you nervous and also you have worked hard to try to move on and every time you have to do anything like meet Cafcass or contemplate court again then it brings it all back again, with the accompanying anxiety.
You need to have a strategy for when you feel like this. What I would suggest is a special sort of breathing, called 3-5. It's dead easy: you breathe in to a count of three and out to five. This will slow your breathing down. Next you need to think of a phrase you can repeat to yourself (lots!) at these times, something like " I am safe, I am moving forward to a new life" These things won't make it go away altogether but will give you more of a feeling of control.
That sounds like a great idea for you to phone your solicitor, the residence order does seem like a plan.
You also need a plan for the day of the court case, getting in and getting away again, get a friend to come with you or how about a taxi to the doors of the court building?Maybe Women's Aid could help you there?
thank u louise, just in cafcass report saying ex is stil very much a risk to me, and to my kids thst wot it says in report, and him even not turnin up to see cafcass woman spks volumes and not doin drug test, police found alot drugs in his ome and weapons, last yr i didnt no bout tht til sat ,im just bit on edge, bout ex reaction u c thts if he turns up x
Hi kiera,
I think louise's sugestion of having a phrase to say in your head is a really good idea. I do this and find it really helpful. It gives you something to focus on when you feel anxious but also the words themselves when said over an over some how sink in. My phrase is 'I am ok' its very simple but it really works for me.
Good luck hon x
Hi kiera, I remember feeling very similar to you - feeling petrified about entering and especially leaving the courts.
Speak to your solicitor, say that you want to meet them somewhere else, perhaps for a coffee first and to enter the courts with them and the same when you leave. Tell them you would like to leave with them and for them to wait with you at the bus stop, taxi rank, car park until you leave. Also get them to organise a private room.
He would be really daft to do anything at this point, however I understand your fears.
Did you call Wave and find out if there is an advocate that can go with you too?
hi well spoke to wave and private room bin booked and victum support b there to support me, and now a mate is cuminf with me to court, feel alot happier,spoke to cafcass lady case cud b thrown out court as ex wastin courts time,as he asnt dun drug test or turned up to see cafcass ladyx
Well done kiera, you have been really proactive. All of this is to ensure that you feel as safe and in control as possible. I am really pleased that Victim Support will be there and your friend and you have a private room booked.
Will Victim Support meet you before you go into the building?
I'm glad you will have support with you.
That all sounds like really good news keira and probably a weight of your mind, it is just getting through the court now, which you now have support from your friend with as well.
I recommend pq's positive self talking too, this is something i have done many times and it works.
What are you up to this week keira?
hi well soliciter rang , eleft message, said she wud meet me outside court she needs my mobile number, but il go to 2nd floor in court and go to victum support,ive cum this far, il b ok ive dun nothin wrong so il b fynxits my ex tht shud b very worried not mex
Kiera I am very proud of you that you have organised all this Well done!
good mornig kiera how are you to dat ?