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Well done Kiera!!!! You've stood up for yourself!!! I am so glad you've done it!!! :-)
I know you're probably still a bit in shock after all that, but you have done excellently! xxx
I'm pleased you called the Police kiera. Now he'll see that you won't put up with all his threats etc.
I hope your son is okay. That must have shaken him up.
How are you today kiera?
hi im not to bad, was on edge leaving house this morning in case he was there angry cos i called police, he was shocked i did, as u no he makes out he as spoke to them and il get dun for wasting their time,but got to point now where i thought so wot, i dont want u near me oor in my house so il ring plice,sod u, he was shocked,police said they arrest him if he cums near agin, my mate watching my dughter tomoz while i go soliciters evidence is me calling police yest as well, ex asnt rang once,c wot appensx
ex was trying to in timidate me yest, stood up close to me while i was opening door so he made sure he got in, and reversing fast to my house bfore i got to my door,and saying tht i will talk to him end of,and he aint goin away, i was shaking but tried to not let him c me like tht,was hardx
Oh its such a horrible feeling, being scared to the bone isn't it. He says that you will get done for wasting police time, just to put you off calling them - this will not happen in your situation kiera, you feel free to call them Whenever YOU Want, their job is to protect people.
I am glad you have someone to watch your daughter whilst you go to the solicitors, that means you can concentrate on what you need to. I wish you the best of luck with it all. When you have finished there, you may well feel a bit wobbly, so please be kind to yourself. Can you go and have a cuppa with your friend and tell her what happened?
Your ex is trying to intimidate you, he has threatened you, he has frightened you, it is not surprising you were shaking and well done for holding it together and getting your phone into the toilet and calling the police. Very brave and brilliant tactics. Your ex will be feeling scared himself now, although he is probably just going to show bravado.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow 
PS: If your ex rings tonight, don't tell him you are seeing a solicitor tomorrow or anything, even if you think you are warning him away, it gives him something to have a go back at you. Please continue to ignore him.
How did it go at the solicitors kiera? How are you feeling?
hi well i cant get non molestation order just like tht, soliciter wil write a letter a warning letter to ex telling him to stay away and leave me alone, if he breaches tht then soliciter can go ahead and get non molestation order, bit gutted really, i dont even av ex adress, rang domestic unit to c if get adress so soliciter can send letter, i explained to soliciter my situation and how im on edge all time, she said why did ilet him in wed, but i said i ad no choice as was stood on front and didnt av fone wiv me so thts why i rang in bathroom, tht was hard,ive got sim with new nu and soliciter said unpluf house fone and keep it unplugged, just worried of ex reaction when he does get lette, he sent a txt after police ad gon saying ur sly doin that being ryt wiv me and then goin upstairs fonein police, copper was avin laff wiv me and ur crocodile tears dont wash wiv me or police,c u soon like i said to my daughter, shaking when i read tht txt, im not over reactin am i
dont no wot do now, worried make him angry when he gets letter, easier just b wiv him than goin thru all this, il stil b on edge, still be anxious,
Oh kiera, I am not surprised you are feeling as though you are over reacting, you finally found the strength to stand up to him and you have been let down by the professionals.
Have you spoken to anyone at Wave today?
kiera I know that sometimes it feels easier to just be with him, then at least you can keep yourself safe because you know his movements. But this has got to stop and you have to go through the process step by step to get to the other side.
If he doesn't like the letter, he will text you, threaten you, turn up at your house again, all of these things will go against him.
Did you feel your solicitor was understanding of the situation? A lot of people just don't understand how deep the abuse runs and how much it messes with your head, so you can come away feeling like the stupid one.
Your ex saying that you were sly because you were right with him and then you rang the police, shows me that because you have dealt with him for such a long time, you know how to handle him. You were scared, you were bullied into a corner, you didn't want him to come into your house, but you felt you had no option and at the first chance you got you called the police - so I think you are brave, smart and a girl who knows how to look after herself.
You are not overreacting Womens Aid have recognised the seriousness of this and so do I and others on these message boards who have been through similar things, so please know in your heart that you are doing the right thing. Unfortunately, like so many other women who are feeling like you do right at this moment, you are not getting the right support.
Did the Domestic Unit give you his address? Have you agreed to a warning letter being sent??
i just feel worse off, not got the adress, i no the adress but not the nu, poile no it as they went wiv the harassment orders,ex bin quiet since wed ,i tuk big step goin in tht bathroom, felt like soliciter didnt c my situation as bad as i thought it was, thts how it cum across, domestic unit avnt got bk to me, they wudnt giv me his adress anyway, they wud av to spk to soliciter, mean ex cud turn up angry at any time, dont think soliciter realizes wot i am saying,
i dont no wot to do
ive cum out of soliciters feeling worse and wondering why im botherin
Good morning Kiera, I have been away for a few days so just catching up on what has been happening. That was a brilliant move, to call the police and whatever he says, that will have unnerved him. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so frustrated with your trip to the solicitor, but it really is a case of one step at a time. The alternative is to take more drastic action such as going into a refuge, that would have a more immediate effect.
Try to think of something pleasant you and the children could do this weekend?
i just dfeel wots point, av urge now to txt my ex, soliciter didnt really understand,wish adnt rang police now, then i am temted to go in a reguge for a while, on woman aid forum i read their stories and woman gon into refuge wiv 2 kids, she is so lonely tho, and kids miss their home, my situation isnt as bad as sum as the women on the forum
Why on earth would you want to text him kiera? You've started the ball rolling now with the solicitor, so if you text him, not only are you going to be sending him mixed messages, but you'll be back to square one. He hasn't bothered you so far (thankgod), so please re-think about the text. You're only heading for trouble if you do. As for the forum, we've all told you our opinions here, but if you think that your situation isn't as bad as those other women, then I have to say that you're living the situation, so of course at the end of the day, it is totally your choice.
i avnt heard from ex, house fone permanantly unplugged, abd new mobile number now, kept ova sim,just dont feel soliciter understood, dont feel much beta, i avny even got adress for soliciter to send warning letter, and my situation musnt b tht bad as i cant even get a non molestation order, typical, i felt stupid when i cum out of soliciters, soliciter asking why i felt anxious and stressed when i c ex, she dont av a clue, like i was over reacting, i cant elp feeling way ido when i c ex,.wed morning when he got out car and walked towards me my heart starts pounding, i panik, cant help that,
Don't worry about what you think the solicitor thinks kiera, she isn't going through it, you are. She's asking the questions, so she can get a clear idea of exactly why you feel anxious and stressed when you see ex. She isn't doubting you for a minute. The good news is, you haven't heard from him, so that's brilliant. Don't be thinking about what he may or may not do, you'll only stress yourself even more. Just be on the look out, and if you see him parked outside, or if he turns up, ring the police immediately. Can you buy yourself one of those 'rape' alarm things. Then should he turn up like he did like last week, you just have to press it, and an alarm will sound out. Do you know the sort of thing I mean?
Good morning kiera and how has your weekend been?
hi weekend bin gud as my 18 year old daughter bin ere all weekend, she dun er exams and bk from uni, but she as go bk work all this week then bk again this sat, and for once a quiet saturday wivout ex maitherein, he sent a txt last night to my over sim saying he was so angry wiv me as i tried stichin him up wiv police and tried getting him locked up, joke, and he txt i was being ryt wiv him then slyly sneaked upstairs to fone police, doesnt he realise i didnt want him cum in and i told him tht, he was cuming in no mata wot, wave gona ring me regardung help geting non molestation order, as soliciter said threats not serious enuf, i cum out soliciters feeling worsex
Hi kiera
Yes I can imagine your heart was in your boots after the appointment, you were hoping that a solution would be a lot closer but it was just one more step along the way. Glad you had a good time with your daughter, bet she is glad to get her exams out of the way!
I do think that you surprised your ex with calling the police and I think that it is good for him to know that your confidence is growing. I expect you don't realise it is growing, do you? but we have seen changes while you have been on here that show us that it is!!
Here here Louise you are so right, keira you have made some big steps recently, these situations are never easy and sometimes feel like two steps forward and one step back but we are continually making small steps in the right direction.
As for the solicitors, how about looking at it this way they are not the one going through this situation you are, they are probably not taking into consideration the continous threats even though he has not followed through with them, the implication is still there controlling your behaviour.
They are going by what he has actually done, which at the moment in their eyes is probably not that serious. Stick with it, and stay strong keira you are actually doing great, only when your in it, it is difficult to see how far you have come along, how about you go back to the beginning of your thread and look at your first posts?
Will you be seeing the solicitor again?
Kiera, it doesn't matter if others are worse off (in your opinion) because you are the one in your situation now, it's making you miserable and very frightened.
Yes, it is abuse - a husband/partner is supposed to make you feel good about yourself and not scared. They're supposed to support you and build you up, not take away your self-esteem.
You have come so far since you've joined here - keep up the good work. It doesn't matter what he thinks at all! Be with your friends, let them support you, too. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good, and ignore the sad bully.
Ring the numbers you've been given here, use every little help you can get and rid yourself off him. BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTH IT!!! :-)
Hugs x
aw thanks for all ur replys,,apprecite itxx
Hello kiera
Haven't heard from you for a couple of days, how are things? Have you been able to get out in sun a little?
hi i cudnt reply on ere i av tried but said last page, now i can, ex rang few times but thts it, stil avnt got his adress so my soliciter can send a warning letter. i dont no wot do, ad gud weekend, my 18 year old daughter cum ome from uni, so bin gud, bin out wiv dog a long walk,
Hi kiera, it must have been nice to see your daughter
What does you solicitor suggest next?
What does your support worker at Wave suggest?
What does your Surestart worker suggest?
Do they suggest different things or all the same?
well ex bin quiet which is wot i want ryt, yet why do i get urge to txt him, which i no ishudnt, as i avnyt ad any contact wotsoeva for 4 weeks today, god 4 weeks feels like years, i still keep goin over tht yet anova relationship as ended, i really wanted us to work, yet im wondering wot he is up2, he does ring off witheld but not as muchxx
Hi Keira,you must be going thru hell,what a pig,my ex isnt violent but mentally abusive and threatens and intimidates me all the time.police have been involved and he keeps running to social services accusing me of drinking when I am not,I have a daughter of 14 who has witnessed alot of this and me ex and I have a 12 month old boy,when he turns up here he cusses me in front of the neighbours and our boy,I too have no family support or any real friends and it's hard when you have no one to turn too,Ru local?,I live in Bexleyheathxx
hi kiera isnt my real name , paranoid on ere lol, i live manchester area, av u read thru my threads, my ex same, i cud go on and on bout him, he as seriously assaulted me once nearly 3 years ago, its emotional abuse and mind games and intimidation and threats, and he calls my 18 year old dawter vile names, he is jealous of our relationship, she hates him cos of assault, dont blame er,ex as followed me twice, parks his car down road,waits in my garden threatens to ring ss, he as rang my work and said im on drugs, we av an 19 month old dawter together,he as threated to petrol bomb my mates house, all my mates r slags he says,even tho he never met um,ive never met his family,he lets me down al tym, i keep avin him bk cos seems easier, ive ad 2 harasment orders on him, he stil mithers,. ive ad no contact wiv him for 4 weeks now, he still rings off witheld,he turned up last wed,he parks down the street, i called police in my bathroom, never ends,he is obsessed,he as worn me down, makin me ill and anxious, ive ad to end it for my sanityxx
hi kiera isnt my real name , paranoid on ere lol, i live manchester area, av u read thru my threads, my ex same, i cud go on and on bout him, he as seriously assaulted me once nearly 3 years ago, its emotional abuse and mind games and intimidation and threats, and he calls my 18 year old dawter vile names, he is jealous of our relationship, she hates him cos of assault, dont blame er,ex as followed me twice, parks his car down road,waits in my garden threatens to ring ss, he as rang my work and said im on drugs, we av an 19 month old dawter together,he as threated to petrol bomb my mates house, all my mates r slags he says,even tho he never met um,ive never met his family,he lets me down al tym, i keep avin him bk cos seems easier, ive ad 2 harasment orders on him, he stil mithers,. ive ad no contact wiv him for 4 weeks now, he still rings off witheld,he turned up last wed,he parks down the street, i called police in my bathroom, never ends,he is obsessed,he as worn me down, makin me ill and anxious, ive ad to end it for my sanityxx
Hi kiera, you are being so strong, I am so proud of your progress.
I remember that feeling of wanting to call/text my ex, just to feel/know that everything was alright again and I could breathe a sigh of relief. BUT you can't.
You have got this far and if you were to contact him, you are giving him the message that you are not to be taken seriously. So he would never feel threatened by you and your actions.
Just remember that intensity does not mean intimacy...Your relationship was Intense, but there was no trust, so please don't confuse the two.
It is strange when they go quiet, you kinda of believe that whilst they are bothering you they still care, but actually they are beginning to give up - you are getting your message across - yes it might be 'another failed relationship', but your sanity is worth more.
Have you seen woman from Wave recently? How are you getting on with her?
Hi marianne42, it sounds as though you are very isolated, are you getting any professional support from Womens Aid or a womens centre?
hi ex rang 7 times this morning, 4 weeks today ive ad no contact, i avnt txt or spoke to him apart from when he turned up, whether he wil giv up or not,as he says he never give up, seem b geting bk to being me, i went mates friday and stayed over wiv kids, went beergarden was gud,adnt dun tht for ages,was gudx
Good for you hun,he will end up inside if he keeps on,I hate this type of bloke,bullying and intimidating,if he does turn up make sure you record him on your phone,even him swearing on text can get him nicked,thinking of you xxps I suffer with anxiety also as we r always scared of what will happen next,yr not alone xx
Hi keira I am really pleased that you are doing some nice things for yourself. I know it must feel strange not to speak to him but as a result of not speaking to him you are doing brilliantly!
Hi marianne, nice to see you again, are you getting some support from Women's Aid, as Anna has suggested? Can the GP help with your anxiety?
Hi know but I see my health visitor every two weeks and found a fantastic site called netmums and am going to meet up with a mum next week,I just have no strenght to fight my ex at the mo
hi hun yeah i no ur ryt mayb he is beginning to giv up, not holding my breath tho,4 weeks to me is a while ive ad no contact, i avnt txt or answered fone to him, avnt spoke to him,apart from when he turned up, now im thinking will i get aletter thru post over contact bout our dawter, not sure, he makes threats bouit court but we will c, he doesnt even mention our dawter at all in last 4 weeks x
hi hun how r u, im stil on edge, mean only bin 4 weeks,ex as different veichles im para when i go outside thinkin he will pull up nxt to me,u just dont no wot they will do next do u, wish i cud meet up wiv u as u understand wot im goin thru, i didnt c any body, got put off cos of the threats of ex bout wot wud appen if i saw my slaggy mates his words not myn, i went to c a soliciter she said threats wernt serious enuf to get non molestation order, she said she wud send a warning letter i dont even av his adress,seriously, how bad is thtx
where is bexleyheath, gud if wew cud meet upx
Kiera, Bexleyheath is very far away from you, it's down South...
Just thought I'd tell you how well I think you're doing! x
hi hun thanks hun, sumtimes i dont think im doin well,,im takin each day as it cums, xxlike i dont no wot gona appen wiv ex. cant just c him letin me go,
hi and now thinkin imnot doin well as why cant i follow thru to the end, why, ive bin to c a soliciter but wot was point as i avnt got adress of ex so she can send warnin letter to hi, like im 2 scared to take trht step, why so im not doin well hun, im a cowardx
Is there anyone who knows the address, kiera?
hi i cud get the adress but im scared to take tht step, i no the adress but not the number,police no it as they served the harasment orders on him but im scared to take tht last step, and ex bin quiet apart from few fonecalls and i feel god he doesnt care at least when he mithered i thought he cared bout mexx
Yes, I know what you mean, you think well if he rings me that often then it must mean he loves me. But love is not frightening someone and intimidating them and being horrible to their children, it is looking after them, it is being absolutely reliable and not letting someone down and it is about wanting them to be free to come and go and enjoy their life. I think it was a really big shock to you the first time someone on here said "He doesn't love you", and I think it will take a while for you to be able to accept that.
Well, you have the possibility of sending that letter up yor sleeve at the moment, so that is something.
When is your daughter home for the long summer hols?
its awful to think ive wasted nearly 3 years on a man who never loved me, is is obsessed thts wot he is,ur ryt a man who loved me wudnt let me down all them times and disrespect my daughter and make threats he doew, i no ur ryt totally, my daughter workin so she bk ome in bits, she ome for all next week as my 2 boys are off for a week, then she ome for all school holidays, booked caravan for a full week in august we are all goin so cant wait for tht, ad to postpone our holiday abroad as my 2 boys got school trips alot of money, my 14 year old goin barcelona, and my 10 year old goin lake distictx
You have some lovely things to look forward to now and so do the boys with their trips.
You haven't wasted three years, you have learned a lot and we have seen you grow in strength and confidence since being on here
Hi kiera, great news that the boys have trips coming up, they could do with getting away from it all.
Also nice to have your daughter around, for some girly time, it sounds as though you are starting to find yourself again.
I think your ex is now becoming a bit of a pain to you rather than frightening you? If someone is ringing your phone 7 times in one morning, isn't that considered harassment?
I know it feels as though no-one understands your situation, but trust me, I think most people who have responded to your messages have been in an abusive relationship of one sort or another, so I hope that you can see that there is life after all this.
You will come to the right decisions in your own time and although you wished you'd never wasted 3 years on this bloke, you have a beautiful daughter with him, that you wouldn't swap for the world.
Are you still writing down every phone call? Would you consider ringing the police and asking them if this is considered harassment?
kiera, I am sooo proud of you. I know you were obviously very scared, but you called the police - good for you. I know he has threatened you if you did this before, so it took a LOT of guts.
I am not surprised that you are feeling down you have been through a pretty hellish week. Have you heard from Victim Support? They should contact you because you called the police.
I am glad that you have the support of the woman at Wave and also that you are going to see your solicitor - it sounds as though it is time for a non-molestation order.
Although you fear that this won't stop him, it will send him a clear message that you are not doing this anymore.
My ex ignored the orders I got out on him, but in the end he dug himself deeper into a hole, where it was the police he had to deal with rather than me!
Remember that if you are worried for your safety then call Womens Aid, even if it is just for a few days when you feel that you are unsafe.
Have you talked to your boy about what happened? Is your daughter feeling better?