This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
Hi kiera
If you are on Income Support then yes, you would be entitled to Legal Aid. A solicitor would apply to the court for you and a restraining order would be served on your ex which would tell him what the judge has decided, for example that he can't go within a certain distance of you and cannot contact you. And if he breaks that order you can call the police and he will be arrested. Give the solicitor a ring today. You can find one by putting your postcode into this enquiry page (click to see) and ticking the "Family Law" box.
hi would i need proof of harassment, only proof is txts but they from last week , and messages on house fone from last week,judge will want see proof, im gona go see asoliciter ,get advice, i no ex isnt gona leave me alone is he, im gona get new mobile with new number, il keep old sim, let him keep leaving messages on house fone, il keep um for evidence,
hi want to say sorry to u, not myself,got myself worked up, im gona see a soliciter regarding restraing order,its a start, cos ex aint gona leave me alone,i hate him, not leting him do this to me anymore and my familyx
No need to say sorry to us!!! we are here to support you kiera 
A solicitor will be able to tell you what proof you need but they will also take your feelings into account so do tell them how frightened you have been, sorry I can't be more definite, am not legally qualified but let us know what they say?
well rang number that was given on ere,left details,waiting for sum1 ring back, go for a restraining order,im entitled to legal aid the woman said,il keep all messages and txts, keep my sim, get new numberx
Good luck, kiera, well done for ringing
hi well rang number, ad good chat woth woman, she sending out info regarding non momestation order, been advised to get 1 of them, got number of good soliciter near me , sorry non molestation order, as any1 ad 1 of them out on exx
Hi kiera
I said he was going to ring and change his tactics didn't I! It seems all abusive men behave the same!
So he rang and you had a 'good' chat and then he chipped off again. Typical behaviour.
It is horrible to feel so scared that you don't want to leave the house and you are watching your every move. It is not healthy for you, your boys or your littlest one.
At this stage I don't think it is up to your son's to decide whether they want to stay in the house or not. This has to be your decision. If that is the only way you can get some support and get the message across to your ex, then that is what you have to do. It won't be forever.
Ring Womens Aid again and ask them to help you. You need support, ask if someone would come and visit you.
hi well i got fed up of the ringing so i answered yest morning, we talked, he said he would come myn lata and he would pay for weekend away, even tho i knew my 14 year old wouldnt want go with him, he as refused get in car on few occasions,last time he rang was 6pm last night, he didnt come back like he promised or txt, thought cant do this anymore,i just tuk my sim out,he as rang housefone twice, see what happens,geting new number, and unplug my house fone,rang number for a soliciter.got advised to get non molestion order, ex mithered and mithered agian yet didnt show up, not a txt or fone call, how can he do that, harasses me all time yetwhen he gats chance see us he lets me down ,i no its control but still confusing,why would a man waste his time harassing me then leting me down, strange
Hi kiera, I feel that you are repeating yourself over and over again now. Myself and Louise read your messages every day and respond to you every day, we feel like we know you and we do care about what is happening to you.
So, You are being told lots of different things from different people
Non molestation orders
Restraining orders
Offers of refuge places
You need to choose one option and start going down that road, otherwise you will be going round in circles.
2. I know you are trying to understand it all, but you keep repeating yourself, to be honest at this point all there is to understand is that:
He is abusive
You are scared
You have children in the house
Unless you take action this is going to continue.
Ignoring the phone is a good step forward as it can be less stressful, but it isn't the answer to resolving this.
Hi Keira, like I said men like him dont always change 6 years ago I split with ex and he still trying to find out where I live. I have a new partner of 5 years and he told me when I left if I so much sit next a man on a bus he will slit my throat!! But you know what?! After 1 1/2 years of living on a knife edge scared to even breath (he somehow convinced me he had a bug on my phone and could hear all my calls - of course it was bulls**t but I absolutely believed it at the time and would only call people from pay phones if I wanted to say anything he wouldnt like) After a while I just said "thats it!!! No more!!! Not having it" I got some beta blockers from doctors and stopped waking up in the middle of night to see if he was there because I realised it was all nonsense if he is stupid enough and desperate enough to stand outside a house in freezing cold like a weirdo, let him - but I will be having a nice long nights sleep (courtesy of sleeping pills at the time). In the end he got bored of taking it so far. When he realised I didnt look out the window no more to see if he was there, and i didnt reply to his messages or answer his calls he eventually just gave up. There have been incidents since he still says he gonna stab my partner etc but now instead of even taking any notice I just ignore him and log what he has said with the police. I am so much stronger now that I see him for what he is - a pathetic little man so desperate to keep a girlfriend that he resorts to ridiculous measures - and thats up to him but in the meantime I have been getting on with my life and making progress he is just stook in his own pathetic little past.
hi my ex was same,saying he was coming down and i was a wreck but he never came, buit sometimes he as turned up like friday parked up road, and he as followed me twice so i no what he is capable off, i no now alot of what he says is empty threats, im avin no more contact again with him, and see asoliciter regarding non molestion order, so u didnt have to get harassment orders to keep him away, my ex ignored um, weven on bail he rang off witheld all time,
my ex threatened to slit any mans throat who goes near me, or he will cut um up, awful, not normal
hi well ex just left message on house fone, his latest excuse cos ive heard alot, he said reason he didnt get back to me was he collasped, and his fone bin off till dinner time today, he said please dont be funny with me and ive got money for our weekend away, love u bye, whether its true,i feel awful thinking hes probably lieing if he really collasped,but ive heard alot of lame excuses, dont care tho, not contacting him again, no doubt he say thanx alot i collaspe and ur being evil bitch blanking me, i can guarantee thats message he will leave, heard it all before,
hi well ex just left message on house fone, his latest excuse cos ive heard alot, he said reason he didnt get back to me was he collasped, and his fone bin off till dinner time today, he said please dont be funny with me and ive got money for our weekend away, love u bye, whether its true,i feel awful thinking hes probably lieing if he really collasped,but ive heard alot of lame excuses, dont care tho, not contacting him again, no doubt he say thanx alot i collaspe and ur being evil bitch blanking me, i can guarantee thats message he will leave, heard it all before,
Well its good you know what to expect so you dont have to be shocked when he does it. Just IGNORE him, he isnt worth it. Even if (big IF) he did collapse he is ok now clearly and he is not YOUR problem anymore.
Keira, in my situation I chose not to go through non molestation orders etc but it was for silly reasons, because I was too ashamed to admit to anyone (except my employer and a close friend) that he was violent to me and that I was scared of him. I think I should have looking back as I had 1 1/2 years of stress before I actually took steps to move forward and it was such a waste. Also my ex was very clever he has been in prison and had restraining orders, been under house arrest, been put on courses for men who abuse women for his previous convictions of DV with the two women he was with before me, so I felt he would manipulate things so I looked the bad guy, again I now realise that was stupid because the fact he had previous convictions was a clear indicator to a solicitor that he IS a threat me. Like I said though when you are in the state you are in now it is very hard to see things clearly for how they are and because you dont discuss it with family and friends the only people who really know the truth are you and him so you kind of end up turning to him for support with HIS behaviour because involving other people seems too big a step to take - plus he will have you doubting yourself and you wonder if you are just being dramatic or over exaggerating things. My ex never put me in hosital when he beat me so his favourite saying was " why you making such a fuss anyway, everyone will think your a drama queen, it was just a slap (it wasnt) not like you got any broken bones, chill out" Then I would sit and think "yeah it not REAL domestic violence, I have a few bruises and a cut lip, but people refer to 'battered wives' as those who went hospital with injuries so I must be being a bit dramatic..." and so his control over me continued. But I think you have had it confirmed on here enough times now and from police Marrac etc so you KNOW he has abused you, and to abuse someone you need to have control over them but he can only have that control for as long as you allow him to.
well u no ex seriously assaulted me on holiday in tenerife 2 half years ago, he punched me in face twice and spat on me while i was on floor,hour bfore that he threw beer ova me and called me vile names and my 18 year old daughter, all cos he jealous cos barman talked to me,he turned on me he blames the drink, even to this day, i no that was excuse, i ad go hospital ,he got threw in cells over there for 4 days,there was trial but he never went of course, i took him back after 2 monthes, all gon down hill since, now he says god it was only a crack, and my parents shudnt hold agrudge, they hate him, and ny daughter does, dont blame um, my kids ad c my face,awful,i lied and said id been in a bike accident, im still angry bout it and was ages ago,wish never took him back, why did i, why
Yeah I know about that incident in tenerife and that is abuse, but abuse doesnt just have to mean you end up in hospital wat he is doing now (harrassing you) is abuse but unfortunately a trip to the hospital cant fix this. you might not know why you took him back that time but you MUST remember why you CANT take him back this time.
im avin no contact with him, at all, cant do this anymore, u no mad thing is he will think he done nothing wrong as always and its me being stubborn, in his world wewont be over never in my world we are over, he just thinks im in a little mood with him, just want get back to how i use be,when i go out i put a smile on, not real tho,i just want to get back in my house, always on edge when i go out,incase he drives past me,or follows me,he followed me to a supermarket, shouting slag alover car park awful i ad my 18 month old daughter with me,he said get in jeep now and say it only once, all cos i blanked him, he didnt like it,he did same outside school, im totaly blanking him, i deserve better and my kids do,x
i wana meet a man who wont call my daughter vile names,decent men dont do that, or make threats.
Hi kiera
As Anna said, we read your messages every day and do want things to get better for you. You keep saying you can't take any more. The only way to stop it is to take some action. Have you decided to go for the non-molestation order? Have you got an appointment to see a solicitor? If not then please ring up and organise this today and let us know how you get on.
hi made appintment for soliciters next friday at 3pm, regarding non moleststion order, she seems nice. she specilises in domestic casesx
Hi keira glad you have made an appointment with a solicitor hopefully they can give you the information you need to start making some steps to get you out of this abusive relationship.
Have you been in contact again with womensaid and the refuge as they will be able to answer any questions you about going into a refuge, sorry if i am repeating what someone else has already asked only i have only read the last couple of posts as there are so many.
What are your plans for the long weekend?
hi jusst gona try chill this weekend,take dog out with kids, meant be cold this weekend,ignore house fone, unplug it ,what are ur plans for weekendx
Hey kiera - massive pat on the back for you - you are going to see the solicitor - good for you. 
It is such a horrible process, but it seems you just can't put it off any longer, well done. A big step forward for you I think.
I hope you do get to chill this weekend, you could do with a break.
Remember that he may try the 'being nice' tactic again or he may become more nasty - either way, try and stay neutral - do not let him control your emotions.
Any news on how your dad is?
hi mad as ad 2 fonecalls off ex today, it is sat and normaly he mithers but he is quiet, i get unerved when he is 2 quiet, which of course is what i want, but stil bit unerved, we will see, well my dad had scan,got wait for results, but my parents come round today for dinner, good to see them, im having san miguel and booked a film on sky so gona watch tht, just put fresh bedding on boys bed,my little girl asleep,ive got night out booked for june for mates birthday so im going, not been out since feb, deserve night out, thts if ex dont follow me agin,x
That was nice having your parents around.
Sounds like you've had a lovely evening kiera
Glad that you saw your mum and dad, fingers crossed for the results.
Hope your evening continued quiet
Sounds like a good day kiera, having your mum and dad round, quiet evening watching a movie. Just what the doctor ordered
hi thank u for replying,ex rang twice after midnight, i egnored him, cant be bothered anymore,dont wana see him or speak to him, got woman coming round tursday for a chat from surestart, shes relly nice, she understands,its start, not letting that man round me and my kids,x
I'm glad you ignored his calls kiera. As long as you continue to ignore, not get sucked in again by him, think constantly of the horrid nasty things he has done, then you will gain inner strength and be free of him. Great that someone is coming round for a chat on Thursday too. What are you doing today?
Sadly I'm cleaning here, but I'm also de-cluttering which is even better
hi spoke to soon ex ringing non stop , ive unplugged house fone,sorry its tuesday woman coming round for chat, i do think opf horrid vile things he as said and done and think i dont want anything to do with him, well watching man city match now with my 10 year old son, my daughter having little nap,gona do dinner, city got goal yes, love city,xx
hi ex been bit quiet, as in been good to not get any txts off him as kept sim out my fone, he as rang house fone quite few times off witheld, just ignored it,that was today, so see what happens in weekx
be positive - take one day at a time - ignore his calls and texts and start living your life - good luck
I'm pleased you're continuing to ignore the calls kiera. You're doing well. Be proud of yourself.
thank u,i need to be strongxx
Yes, you need to be strong. You're doing well.
Hi kiera, good morning. It sounds as though you weekend was busy! Did man city win?
It is good to read that you have a Surestart worker coming on Tuesday and Solicitors on Friday - its going to be a busy week, but a productive one.
I noticed in an earlier post that you have been involved with Marac and you asked if that was serious...Yes it is. Did you not think it was?
Marac's are only held for very high risk situations, so what you are dealing with is very serious and the Police and other agencies met to discuss your circumstances.
You are doing a great job of ignoring your ex and I hope it will work, but the more professional support you have around you, the easier it will be.
Did you have an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor)? Were you referred to Victim Support? Did you have a person that was working with you? If you can find their number, I strongly suggest you contact them again.
You are doing a good job kiera.
Hi kiera, good morning. It sounds as though you weekend was busy! Did man city win?
It is good to read that you have a Surestart worker coming on Tuesday and Solicitors on Friday - its going to be a busy week, but a productive one.
I noticed in an earlier post that you have been involved with Marac and you asked if that was serious...Yes it is. Did you not think it was?
Marac's are only held for very high risk situations, so what you are dealing with is very serious and the Police and other agencies met to discuss your circumstances.
You are doing a great job of ignoring your ex and I hope it will work, but the more professional support you have around you, the easier it will be.
Did you have an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor)? Were you referred to Victim Support? Did you have a person that was working with you? If you can find their number, I strongly suggest you contact them again.
You are doing a good job kiera.
Hi kiera, good morning. It sounds as though you weekend was busy! Did man city win?
It is good to read that you have a Surestart worker coming on Tuesday and Solicitors on Friday - its going to be a busy week, but a productive one.
I noticed in an earlier post that you have been involved with Marac and you asked if that was serious...Yes it is. Did you not think it was?
Marac's are only held for very high risk situations, so what you are dealing with is very serious and the Police and other agencies met to discuss your circumstances.
You are doing a great job of ignoring your ex and I hope it will work, but the more professional support you have around you, the easier it will be.
Did you have an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor)? Were you referred to Victim Support? Did you have a person that was working with you? If you can find their number, I strongly suggest you contact them again.
You are doing a good job kiera.
hi if marac is serious does that mean that agencies no sumat bout ex that they not allowed to tell me,is he dangerous or pose serious threat to me and kids, yes i was classed as high risk and victum support got in touch, ad locks changed,ad alarms put all all my windows, and a light in garden,whjat do u mean serious though, if they no sumat bout ex i should have a right to no, is there new law that we av right to no if man as history of violence,avnt heard of ex at all yet, should i stil go and asee soliciter if say ex quiet all week, should i still go, when he is quiet then i feel like mayb im over reactin, xand city won, 1 more game to win and they win cupx
Wow City are doing well!
Marac meetings are held if they believe that you and your children are at high risk of current or future harm of domestic violence.
It doesn't mean that they know something about your ex, but something must have happened when you have called the police and they have been concerned about you and your children.
Have a look at this leaflet - it is from Richmond, but I beleive that the information will be the same across the country - http://www.richmond.gov.uk/richmond_marac_information_leaflet__2009_-3.pdf
Yes I think you should still go and see your solicitor, you have only not heard from your ex since yesterday, that is not very long. I think it is unlikely he is just going to give up, so keep your guard up.
The Marac team changed your locks, put a light in the garden and fitted alarms - how seriously do you think they were taking the situation?
hi yes my situation is very serious, stil gutted asreally wanted us to work but i no that wil never happenx
I know hun it is hard - he obviously made you feel very special at times.
hi spoke to soon ex ringing al night, i jump when fone rings,my heart starts pounding,i dont answer my fone at all, no mobile as its broke,x
Hi kiera
Well I guess you knew he would start ringing again, only a couple of days now until you see the solicitor and see what positive action you can take. You still need to go and see them, even if you have a quiet couple of days, as this has been going on a long time now.
My son is also a Man City fan so I have been hearing all about it!
How are you doing today?
hi well im scared to leave house now to take my boy to school in case ex turns up as he left 2 messages and he asnt stopped ringing for last hour, he said he be down soon to do my garden omg, i havnt spoke to him since he let me down last thur,cos i left my mobile on alnight he rang early hourshe saying whats going on,ive took sim back out, unplugged house fone yet again, no contact with any1 now, exactly what he wants,
made it back in my house, dont want go even in garden in case he turns up, its sunny as well,god hate feeling like this, yes i am going seeing soliciter friday defo, i have to,all the evidence is with victum support and police, so i no i can get non molestation order
Glad you managed to get your son to school, it is important to carry on with the things you need to do....as far as you are able, that is.
u no i was referred to marrac last year,high risk, i ad change locks,new light in garden, alarms all over house, is maracc serious