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hi thank u for replying, u are the only women i speak to on ere, as u all understand, i do feel like im at breaking point, i rang womens aid today, wiman was nice but she kept talking over me, i couldnt say what i wanted to say, she just gave me anumber for dv outreach, but i av been there and done that, ifeel i need a break, doesnt hely im not geting alot of sleep with my 19 month old daughter, and i couldnt give up my dog,i supose temporaryvcould go in fostering home , i could go in a refuge but want to come back home, il b worried my ex would go to my parents home,he nos where they live, i feel stuck and alone,x
Hi kiera. I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad isn't too well at the moment. What with the baby not sleeping well, your Dad and your ex, you really have enough on your hands, so am not surprised you're feeling as you do. One thing you're definately not, and that is alone. We are all here for you. Can your eldest daughter take the baby for a few hours so you could get some well needed rest? As for your Dad, how did your mum get on with the number you gave her? Please ring Women's Aid again. I know you didn't feel as if the lady was much help, but do call them again. I'm not sure what you could do in order for your ex to stay away from your parent's house, but there must be something. Louise or Anna will know more on that line, so keep checking in.
Things will get easier for you kiera. Things seem doubly worse at the moment because everything is going on at once. Try to get some sleep tonight. Is the baby teething? Take care.
hi my eldest daughter is at university,she lives in, she back middle may,my 19 month old isnt teething,dont no what it is,ive thrown my mobile is water so cant use it so cant get any txtxs off ex,kept sim tho, need anova fone now,hes ringin house fone all day off witheld as usaual,i no its him,hope my daughter sleeps tonight,really do,someone coming tomoz seeing my dad, bout time,i just feel no1 can help mex
Good morning kiera
Yes let's hope for some positive help for your mum and dad.
How was your night? Hope you got a better sleep.
I don't know all the ins and outs about stopping your boy going to your exes. I would definitely phone Womens Aid again, you will get a different person, do say that you rang yesterday but the lady talked over you!
Kieara, has the GP seen your Dad? Perhaps they need help from the social services for a while?
Hope you got some sleep.
It worried me that we'd have to lose our pets when we were homeless. A friend had found a lovely home for our two small dogs if they'd have had to go though. Our guinea pigs went, but some very, very kind friends had my dogs for two months until we were ok again.
Thinking of you.
hi well my daughter slept al night so feel better,.got up at 7am,my dad going hospital today tp c doctor bout his head,ive ordered all healthy food with my shopping as well, eat to many cripss and crap,so got all smoothises and fruit, that wil probably make me feel better,x
Hi kiera, I am so glad to read that you had a better nights sleep, it really does help doesn't it. 
You were given the number for a DV worker, but you feel that you have been and done that before.
As I said in an earlier post, many many women go back to abusive men and DV workers are aware of the emotional difficulty women face when contacting them. You may feel stupid, but you have to protect your emotional and mental wellbeing here.
You say that you feel noone can help you. Well I disagree, Womens Aid, the Police and the DV workers can all help you, but you have to reach out to them. You have to take a leap of faith. I know it is frightening and at the moment you feel scared and helpless, but you can do this.
Have you heard from your mum how your dads visit to the hospital went? Did I ask you, do you have any brothers or sisters?
hi i av 1 brother,he is 45,dont see him much,he works alot,been up half night again with me daughter,she avin kip now so im gona go for kip for hour,so tired again,raining here aswell,asnt stopped,wasu in abusive relationship,how did u get out of it i asume ur out of it nowx
Hi kiera
Oh it'sawful when you don't get any sleep, you have had the right idea, catch up with a nap if they have a nap themselves! Is it teeth that are keeping her awake? Those large back teeth are painful for them. Have you asked your Health Visitor if anything would help, such as Calpol?
Many of us on here have experienced different types of abuse within past relationships, as I think you are finding out and Anna may have already told you about her own experience, I don't know? What I do know is that anyone who works in this field, such as DV workers, Women's Aid, police working with domestic abuse, well they all know and understand that it can take many attempts for a woman to be ready to go through the process so I am 100% certain that no-one will get tired of you, they just want to support you.
hi well ex ringing constantly on house fone,i dont av mobile anymore, threw it in water, at least i get no txts off ex,kept my sim tho,he as left 8 messages so far today,to me that is alot,he said on 1 if u dont ansa fone il be down later so dont even think ur going out with ur slagy mates, i dont go out at all but every sat he is the same,he prob wont come down i no he says it to keep me on edge so then id think twice bout going out, cos he as followed me before when i have gon out,he turned up at pub i was at, is that controlling to u
Hi kiera. It is all controlling what this man is doing. He is doing his best to frighten you, don't let him!!! I'm so glad that you're not answering the phone, but remember to keep the messages. If he turns up, ring the police. I know what you've said in previous posts, but ring them, they are there to help, and they will. You are standing your ground by not answering the phone, which of course is annoying him, but at the same time, it is giving him a clear message. You are not standing for it, you are not listening, and more to the point, he cannot, and won't bully you anymore. Well done you, keep it up. I know it is hard, but you're doing great kiera. How's the baby doing?
hi baby ok, going bed now so hopeing she will sleep,really am,thanksx
Hi kiera, hope you had a better night. How are you and how is your dad?
I hope you slept ok.
Hi kiera. Hope all okay your end. How did you and the baby sleep?
hi baby slept gud thank u,im doin sunday dinner now,ex ringing house fone, he as left 2 messages, he rings alday and at night, im keeping messages,order new mobile with new nu,at least get no txts which is gud,he will start geting annoyed with me if keep blanking himx
Good for you, hope your day will be a better one and you enjoy your dinner!
hi thanks hun,ironed boys uniform,had hot chocolate, going bed now,hope baby sleeps thrux
Hi kiera, give yourself a big pat on the back, you are doing such a brilliant job ignoring him. It is not easy and it can be nerve wracking wondering what his next move may be.
I hope you sunday dinner went down well and everyone enjoyed it and your little one gave you a good nights sleep.
Have you thought any further about ringing the DV number the Womens Aid woman gave you?
hi i feel such fool, hate ex yet agin.in 2 half years i was with him he failed to cum back home quite few times with numerous excuses, and now he didnt come back last night, not txt or fone call, so same old feelings come back,he txt this morning saying ope im in a better mood with him,usual crap,i txt saying any decent man would come back,he said he was working late,itxt why didint u ring then or reply to my txts,find it starnge that a man who claims he wants be ere so much would of come back end of,thats what i txt him,i said he ad let me down,he said stip being in a mood and dont be adickhead and ruin weekend,i couldnt believe it,he twisting it roujnd yet agin,ive heard all excuses,mean wouldnt he of come back,he as done it alot so that why im angry,and i hate him yet agin, back to square one,ive turned my mobile off i txt he will never change
Hello kiera
Sounds as if you had some contact with the ex then? and then he let you down, is that what happened? If so then it seems he wants to "get back in" with you and pesters and pesters and then in the end you say yes, and then he feels he has "won" and can start to let you down again, have I got that right?
What's the next step for you now, do you reckon?
hi yes it does sound rite,he mithers me then when i giv in he lets me down, he mithers me non stop then when im ryt i dont hear off him, then he d nerve to txt and say to me dont be adickhead and ruin weekend,he twists it round,no point me keep trying make him see that not comeing back is wrong,he says im being a dickhead and im ruining everything, yet it was him who didnt come back, hoiw can he let me down after pleading to be here, why would he bother doing that
hi yes it sounds rite,he mithers me then when i give in he lets me down,he pleads to be ere then then lets me down,then he as nerve to txt this morning and say hope ur in beta mood with me,not a sorry that he didnt come back or txt or ring,now he saying dont be a dickhead and ruin weekend,yet it was him that as ruined everything by not comeing back again,why do i keep puting myself thru it,why,
what is point of leting me down like that, dont understand it,really dont,hate him, he didnt even reply to my txts last night,then he as nerve to txt am i in a better mood with him,not a sorry or even a mention that he didnt come back, c ant cope anymore
hi no now same pattern will be next when i blank him is babe i love u please please let me come home, tht what he will txt,even tho he should of come home last night, or he will say im being stubborn and why cant i be like a normal girlfriend and tell him off then forget everything,thts what he always says,whya does he waste his energy playing games,why, so confused and fed up, and feel ground down,
He keeps on treating you like this, because you let him.
He says why can't you be like a nortmal girlfriend and tell him off and then forget everthing - perhaps you used to be like that??
I think a 'normal' girlfriend would have more respect for herself and boot him out the door without looking back.
Did you get a new mobile number or your old sim in a new phone?
You have learnt his patterns and that will really help you take more control over this.
What kind of things do you like doing if you had spare time kiera?
what should i do
i dont av spare time, ex is on my mind all time,the situation im in controls me, from when i wake up to when i go bed,im ordering new mobile tomoz, av new number, avin no contact at all now,ex wont b happy,
What do you think you should do kiera, what are the options that you know of?
hi today been awful keep crying,feel like my ex as ground me down so much, anxious,as usual he saying he on his way down, i said im tired of ur bullshit cant do this anymore and il ring police if u turn up and i dont care what they think of me,my fone on silent,my eldest daughter coming down so many times he as ruined our night cos im that stressed out by him ,i wont even ansa door to takeaway guy,making me ill,u no im that fed up i wish i wasnt ere, wish i ad never met him,
You are worth more than this kiera - switch your phone off and ignore - if you don't receive his texts you can't be intimidated by them - life with your ex has made you lose your self esteem. Its up to you now to try and get it back - one day at a time - tell yourself you deserve better. Its ok to have all the feelings you are having - they are perfectly normal but don't act on them. Tell yourself you will get over this but it is going to take some time - grief is perfectly normal too - stay strong - we are here for you
i have switched fone off,u no i even av resorted to getting new blinds in my front room window and kitchen window, cos ex says he can see me moving bout and he nos im in,so idont even feel safe when my curtains are closed got guy coming myn sunday show me blinds for privacy and measurements,ishouldnt have to do tho,all my ex does is txt me what he does like making out he is nearby or he is watching,all cos no chance i am going out with my slagy mates,he as followed me twice bfore as well, he as even parked his car down road and sneaked in my garden waiting for me let dog out,all threats and intimidation with ex.cried alot today cos so stressed out, heart pounding, =-
he isnt eva gona leave me alone. he as said til death do us part,he says he is o n way but he probably not, just ti make me on edge all time in my own home,thts what he as done for ages,sick of it now,when im outside im all smiles to mates,all false
kiera I urge you to switch your phone off and not check it again - if you ignore him he may go away because he will get fed up.
keep the doors locked and if you can let the dogs out and then lock the door again you will be safe
I think you mentioned getting a new sim for your phone which is a good idea - he is messing with your head sending these text and to be honest if you read them and respond even just telling him not to then you are allowing him the power to mess with your head.
stay strong
hi he txt im outside will i let him in, i looked out he wasnt outside my house but he was parked up road,i got all upset,and my 18 yeart old daughter is ere, i closed curtains and txt him im phoning police ad enuff,ive turned mobile off now,hes ringing house fone,he rings off witheld all time,he aint daft,ive started crying to my daughter saying how on edge i am all time,i am now,even with curtains closed i shudnt av to close my curtains,just put my 19 month old daughter to bed, i dont need this u no,heart pounding all time,he as just drove past, only cos he checking what im up2, all i want do is enjoy night with my daughter,she at uni i dont c er alot,
Kiera, why not take the phone off the hook, ignore the texts, and if he should knock, don't answer, don't respond in any way. Enjoy your evening with your daughter, I don't actually think he'll come knocking unless you give him the say so, which you did the other night. If you really are scared of him, and you don't want him in your life, then it's up to you, and only you, to do something about it. This of course would be by completely ignoring him. You're constantly in fear of your phone ringing, so ring the company, tell them you're getting harrassment calls, and see if they can change your number free of charge. I do know some companies do this. You have to take control, or else this man will think he can do as he pleases.
hi well he kept ringing so unplugged fone,then i plugged it back in cos then scared of his reaction cos then he will think im on fone to a lad prob, but daughter told me unplug it,so i have,well already ad my house number change once,im with sky,and got crime ref nu to do it,dont think they will change it again,i am constantly in fear,ur rite, is this normal how i feel,its not rite tho is it,
Good morning kiera
How are you today? it sounds from your messages as if you are feeling really trapped at the moment, trapped by this man's abuse and trapped by your own feelings. What do you think it would take for you to be able to break free?
Did you know that a QUARTER of all women will experience abuse in a relationship at some time in their lives, you are not alone.
Try and do something positive every day, kiera, something that does not involve HIM. How long is your daughter with you for?
hi he as txt sayin see u in a short while, i av only just turned fone on,why doesnt he get the message,imnot replying, my daughter leaving lata, she going to example concert,dreading tonite cos he will start as its sat and he thinks that il be going out,so threats will start
kiera, if you unplug the phone, he will get a ringing tone, so he wouldn't have accused you of being on the phone chatting to whoever. If he threatens tonight, don't respond to the texts, as this is what he wants. I do feel that if you answer him, you're giving him the signs to keep texting, calling, ringing etc. Like it's been said before, don't do anything. He will get bored, fed up etc, but you have to do your bit in all of this, by not responding. We can all give you advise, but it's down to you in the end.
hi ive been so upset today and down, rang a refuge and good chat with nice woman,there is a place for me in refuge,just for a break ,she says i sound desperate,and i told er bout my ex and she says he is very controlling,and if im marrac and high risk then i need accept help, she was really nice,i was so upset on fone,i dont no what do,my kids in school,dont want take them out,but gona av do,i can still come backto my house cos im not giving it up,i av to av a think and get back to er,there is a place if i want it im scared,
Kiera that sounds like just what you need, a break to get some peace and quiet. The refuge lady will able to advise you what to do about the children's school as well.
What the lady said about you needing to accept help, that is what we have been saying to you, reach out and the support is there. Having a break will make you stronger, to deal with everything. Please do call them again and accept!!!!!!!
hi idont no,ireally want to go,but i dont want to take my 10 year old out of school,and plus we a a family dog,ad er 6 years, idont no what to do, woman said she could move me anywhere in the country, that does sound tempting,sumwhere near the sea
have u been in a refuge,as anyone on ere been in a refuge would b interested to no thanx
hi ex txting nasty now,he gon from nice to nasty, saying i cant cope with his daughter ,and she will live with er daddy, and he will drag my sorry ass thru court,btw he as been saying this for months and months, and i will be sorry
I didn't get to the point of going into a refuge.
I did, however, find a home for my dogs - again I didn't need to part with them. I was lucky.
However, to be safe and secure with my children I would have parted with my dogs.
You need to be listening to the support worker now and not your ex.
This is the way you can get away from him. By not telling him where you are, you'll be free.
hi i no what u are saying, im scared to,thts the truth,my elder son is gona be doing exams soon, taking him out school wouldnt be good,he is 14, dont want take nmy boys out of school,u no refuge woman said she could get me a place in a refuge inanova part of country, very tempting,by the sea i would love to move,wcould all my furniture be brought down in a van,i av nice home,its not easy decision,could i ask what ur ex was like
Kiera, you have got to decide what is the most important thing here. Is it:
a. the dog going into a temporary home
b. your children moving schools for a while
c. you and your children being safe from constant threats and harrassment, you not crying all day, you being able to get some rest, the children not growing up in an atmosphere of fear and unrest, help to get your head together, support to make decisions about the future that will benefit and enhance the whole family and a completely fresh start.
Please ring the lady again
i no what u are saying,not tht simple,im scared to,thts the truth
I know you are, and I don't blame you, it feels like a big step for you, I understand. BUT a new and better life awaits you and children if you would just reach out and accept it.
Anna has been in a refuge in the past and may be able to tell you more about it. I have worked in one, Each family had their own room and then shared a kitchen with another couple of families. There was also a huge lounge and recreation area.All the women were supportive of each other as they had all been in simialr situations. I think we are really lucky that there is this help avaiable,
hi thank u fpr replyin, this site is only place where u all understand,i rang womens aid today, i spoke to aw omen who was nice but she kept talking over me, icouldnt say what i really feel, i didnt mention refuge,im thinging ur situation as to be serious to go in a refuge,mayb my situation not serious enuf,i dont no what to do, i feel so alone,jusat me and kids al time,my 19 month old daughter very demanding,and not avin alot of sleep doesny help,. i feel anxious all time, my psoriasis as flared up abit its sore,i am at breakin point,want a break,to get away,i reallydo ,i coildnt go to refuge as dont want take kids out school, i didnt get alot of help with womans aid,she gave me anumber for dv worker, but bin there and done it what do idox