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Hi everyone,
thanks for the great posts. this week has been very odd really, i've been rushing round every day trying to catch up, but not really managed to wound down at all, some days i've been happy, some i've been pretty down as you know. I know that some of the mood swings are due to hormones - these days i'm very down in the few days running up to my period, something that never used to affect me really. But that doesn't seem like the only time that i get in these moods where i just can't cope with anything, need to try to work out where that comes from. I did invite some friends round tho to cheer me up and that made me feel better. just wish i was off for longer than a week, feel like i've had no time to just enjoy relaxing and still have a massive list of stuff i had wanted to do but still haven't.
i'm keeping my eyes out for a new job but otherwise i think i'll try to go 4 days a week from next sept if things don't improve.
I have to say we've been doing all sorts this week and its flown by.
Dentist Tuesday, two for a haircut on Wednesday, two for a haircut on Thursday, as well as Cubs and Scouts...
The week has flown by without actually having anytime out!
Glad you have had your friends around. Nothing like laughter to make life easier.
Have you seen your GP at all about how your feeling? I can't say much as I know I have mega monthly issues but never do anything about it...
You take care.
xxx
yes, one week is certainly not long enough, we have done the dentist, haircuts and new shoes, also had a few odd jobs done on the house which seems to take loads of phone calls to arrange, i have managed to get quite a lot of work done too which is nice to feel its not still hanging over me.
Does anyone manage to actually do anything for themselves? ie your own interests or relaxation? I just find i work and i run around with son from activity to activity but have no interests of my own - with the babysitting cost and logistics and lack of time being the main reasons. just feel there is no room for fun in my life at the moment - does anyone manage to squeeze anything in? When i was seeing my boyfriend i made a massive effort to find time for him and for going out but that time just seems to have vanished now!!
pg xx
Hi pg. Glad you had your friend over. I don't have any interests of my own, it's been so long, I've actually forgotten what my interests are hehe.
The half-term has flown by, C doesn't go back until Tuesday, so at least it's a shorter week. I've applied for a job at the school, 20 hours, doing one to one, have no qualifications, but it was the SEN who approached a TA to let me know, as I haven't been in the staff room for ages. Probably won't even get to the interview stage, but at least I've tried.
What are you doing for the rest of the time off? How's your son doing at school now?
Hello pg
I think we have said in the past how hard it is to find time for your own things, but do you remember we suggested that you actually booked time in your diary/calendar for yourself, even once a week?
Personally I think it is important to do something for ourselves, even if it is read a magazine, have a lovely soak in the bath or learn something new.
I'm starting to do things for me now, but then youngest is 12 and the older two 19 and 17, so I can, in theory, have time out - although it sounds easy, it still isn't.
The college bits I do are for me though, as are the Scouts, even though three of my lot are with me for it.
I'm glad you've managed to get a lot of work done.
Hi, I've got to admit i haven't managed to book the time to treat myself recently things were so hectic at work that i kept neglecting the 'me time'. One of the reasons I've been working so hard is that two of my classes have a big exam coming up in early Nov so I've been running extra after school revision sessions etc. As soon as the exam is over tho I'm going to make sure i leave early once a week, go to the gym and have a more relaxing evening, i'm hoping that will make me feel loads better. Saw a couple of friends today, always helps make everything seem better.
Hazeleyes - thats such good news about applying for the one to one job - i will keep everything crossed for you, they must have a positive opinion of you if the SEN was keen for you to be told about the opportunity, good luck xxx
That sounds good - and you can sort of put a date to things.
Glad you've seen some friends and had good day.
Hi pinkgrapefruit, welcome back to school!
How are things? It is so important to make time for friends AND yourself. When are the big exams?
Hi Pg. Hope all ok with you and your son. Not long til Christmas, aarrgghhh.
Just wanted to let you know, as of next Monday, I'm a TA!!!! Can you believe it? I can't hehe. I'm supporting a child with dyslexia and ADHD. It was the icing on the cake really for me, as this particular lad is a child that I did volunteering with, so we already know each other, and he's fab. likes me, and I like him. Brilliant. Is a bit frightening though, so I'm hoping that I'll get lots of support from the SENCO, though sure I will. Keep you informed as to how it's going.
Take care, and I really hope things are less stressful for you at the moment.
Congratulations hazeleyes!!! Thats such good news. I'm really pleased for you.
How many hours a week? Its great that you already know the school and the student - shouldn't be any horrid surprises waiting for you and you'll feel comfortable right from day one. When do you start? Really pleased for you, am sure you'll be amazing
xx
Thankyou pg. I start on Monday, am doing 20 hours a week. I am excited but nervous too. It's the fear of the unknown isn't it, and I'm really hoping I won't just be thrown in the deep end, and expected to know what I'm doing (as I so obviously don't)!
How are you doing? Hope you and your son are enjoying the weekend. Take care. xx
hi all,
does anyone else find themselves still feeling lonely even after a long time as a single parent? I'm ok most of the time but am sometimes overcome with the loneliness, i suppose mainly when i'm worried about something, and don't have anyone here to go through stuff / bad news with me. How do other people cope with this? Sometimes i ring friends but the silly thing is when the loneliness is really bad i can't bring myself to contact anyone as i think i'm just being a nuisance. Had to cope with a trip to a and e yesterday with my son (long story, thankfully fine now), and it was possibly the loneliest experience i've had to cope with, no one with me, no one to ring, no one waiting for us when we got home. I was really upset when i got home - probably relief and tiredness by that time, and it was my son that had to give me a cuddle and tell me he was fine now, that can't be right / good for him surely? makes me feel guilty.
pg x
Yes, I do feel lonely.
It is hard when you are one who has responsibility for your child/ren. It is all on your shoulders. You can never be sure that you are making the right choices as you have no one to talk them through with.
When my youngest broke his ankle when he was 8, I did text his father, and it was over a week before I heard back. That was the point when I realised that I was absolutely alone...
Even with my lot being older, there's only so much you can involve them in.
I'm so glad your son is ok. I think spending time in A&E is so tiring though with all the waiting. I'm not surprised you felt emotional.
Don't feel guilty though, as you are doing absolutely all you can.
It's not so bad if you have a parent still around (even on the phone rather than in person) but many of us do not have this and I guess that is one way in which the site can help..it is a sort of drop-in family.
Glad your son is OK, pg 
Thanks, things bit better now thankfully, and its Friday tomorrow :)
Hi Pg. Glad to hear your son is okay. I remember having to take C to hospital after visiting our GP. He thought there was a problem with C's kidneys, and I was terrified, with the not knowing and the sheer loneliness that I felt. That was so sweet of him to give you a hug and tell you that he was fine, and I think it's perfectly okay for him to have done that. He was obviously aware that the whole thing had upset you, and we can't keep all our fears and tears from our kids can we.
Yep you're right, it's Friday tomorrow, yippeeee. How has your week been? My first one is nearly over, and I've loved it, but everyday I'm exhausted, not with the school stuff, but the fact of running the flat, getting the shopping, and generally keeping on top of the washing, and making time for C too. It is hard, but I hope things will be less stressful next week, and I'll be able to chill a bit more.
Have a lovely weekend with your son Pg. Take care. xx
Happy Friday
Hi everyone, yes the loneliness can hit you at the most unexpected times can't it.
pinkgrapefruit, people are always here online, please just come on and write down how you are feeling. I know we feel like a nuisance to our friends, but One Space is here to be your friend 
When my daughter broke her leg, she was 3 and I remember feeling very alone too. I felt guilty (although it wasn't my fault) and panic and worry and stress. However these feelings pass. Its fine to have a cry and its fine to have a cuddle from our children, I think that is one of the best things about being a single parent, our relationship with our children.
People often talk about children who have to 'parent' their parents and I used to feel guilty of that, but actually me and my girl look out for each other and that is what our little family is all about. (AND she still knows who the parent is!!)
We all have difficult days and children need to learn that life is not a bunch of roses, they become conscientious and aware and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Give yourself a break pg and plan something nice for you and your boy for the upcoming weekend or the next 
Thanks Anna, it really helps to know other people have been through very similar situations and get a bit of reassurance that i'm not damaging my son in exposing him to quite a lot of my emotions.
Busy week at work this week but i'll try to make sure we have a good weekend, he is such a good boy.
I do find it makes things feel better to write down how i'm feeling so will keep posting when i get those lonely feelings. Met up with a good friend at the weekend but its like we have moved to different planets - she was very supportive when my ex left and through the divorce etc but she now just quizzes me on why i haven't met another bloke, and tells me about all the exciting stuff she and her husband have planned with their son, their business etc and all her new friends - I'm feeling like she has dumped me really, i can't have a life like hers anymore but she seems to have forgotten that but made me feel really small in the process, and this was the first time i'd managed to see her in months as she is always so busy she has kept putting me off and off as she seems busy every weekend (every weekend, all weekend??? i only wanted to meet up for a couple of hours... have i just been very slow getting the hint that she didn't want to bother as i'm a bit boring these days and can't provide 'new man' gossip, or similar exciting news?? or am i just being negative?) hmmmm
Hi
I found it surprising how friendships changed with divorce. In a way its good that you met up and realised this. I was a big slower with things with one friend in particular. Perhaps your life may seem boring to others - as I'm sure mine does to many. But for me, it works.
Youngest and my daughter will give me the most wonderful hugs when I'm upset or down. My youngest explained that it was right that he cuddled me as I cuddled him...
Think, Wednesday - half way through this week already. Shockingly three and a half weeks at school - here anyway. I find when there's a whole week off before Christmas the children go batty. Even though my lot are getting on a bit!
Hope you're ok.
xx
Boring? what's boring? friendship is not a "mutual showing off", a friendship is a kind and fun place where each supports the other and shows a genuine interest in what is going on. So, rather than assuming that you are the one who is lacking here, looking at my definition of friendship it is she who is falling short! Sounds like it is time to move on!
uuuurrgggghhhhh rubbish rubbish day. Had a lesson observation today, got totally stressed out about it and it went terribly, never had such bad feedback. I spent ages planning the lesson but would have been better not bothering and just doing my normal stuff. really not a natural teacher - have no real talent for it, just suits my life which is not really fair to my students - and when i say fits my lifestyle, I suppose i just mean the steady income and the holidays off. Got to have another observation next week as it was so bad (my boss is saying to boost my confidence again but i'm going to get in an even bigger state next time). i wish i had a thinker skin and i can just think it doesn;t matter but it really feels like it does, very hard to keep picking myself up, not enjoyed a days teaching for so long, just too busy, too stressed and not enjoyable at the moment, in the slightest.
Rant over, sorry, needed to get it all out of my system!!
But didn't you have an excellent observation last year? What did you do for that lesson?
Are you able to explain that you're nervous as heck being observed? Mind you, I'm sure they must know you will be...
Not long now...
xxx
if it was financially viable i would resign tomorrow, not because of what they've said but because of how bad i know it was. i'm so stressed all the time i'm delivering pretty poor lessons but just don't have any more time or energy to improve things. as i'm in my second year now i have no support, its sink or swim i suppose really, and i feel i'm sinking and drowning under it all at a rapid rate right now. my ex has just reduced his maintenance dramatically as he is out of work so i need to keep working, but this is making me so unhappy. Don't think the tutoring thing is really viable. I am just so upset with feeling lonely and stuck in this teaching rut that i don't enjoy. really feel like i need a day to myself at home tomorrow but if i call in sick they'll know its just because i'm upset and that will make things worse when i go back next week. putting off going to bed as that means its closer to getting up again (at 6.30 am - feels like the middle of the night!) and having to go through it all again.
I wish I knew what to suggest.
Have you been to see your GP?
It's horrid when you know you've no choice but to go as well because of finances. Are you looking at other vacancies in case there is something that you would enjoy more?
Loads of hugs.
I'm sorry, but somehow words and ideas are really failing me at the mo.
I am thinking of you though
Hello pg
I really have no solutions, but a couple of things struck me. Firstly from your posts you always have come over to me as someone who sets REALLY high standards for themselves, ones which it is difficult to meet consistently if you are a human being!!! So cut yourself a bit of slack.The school chearly think you just had an off day and they are being realistic in doing the observation again.
Secondly, I understand about the "not wanting to go to bed because tomorrow will come quicker" feeling. However, the later you go to bed, the more tired you will feel so the way to help yourself is to get some sleep. Yes 6.30 is an early start but many, many people have the same challenge each day and if you read some other threads on these boards, you will see that many single parents are having to do difficult hours, or jobs they don't like,often for very low wages.... or if they are still on benefits are being forced to apply for things and threatened with sanctions, The job of teacher is ideal as it is decently paid and you get the holidays off with your boy. You have worked really hard to get this job. I am not saying what is happening to single parents is right, but what I am saying is that one way you can help yourself cope with your present situation is to think of the alternative option and, let's make no bones about it we single parents do have it tough, whatever we do
Hope you feel a bit brighter this morning and the day goes better
Hi Pg. Don't worry about what happened with the observation feedback too much. Speaking to teachers at the school, they all say pretty much the same as you. They all get stressed too. TA's also have to have the observations, so I won't be looking forward to that at all. I'll be shaking, sweating and much more.
Why don't you get the support now you're in your 2nd year? I know of one teacher at C's school who is in her 3rd year, and the Head is always there to support her. Surely it's wrong that you're not getting the support. Blimey, it's not like you've been doing it for years.
You have worked so hard for this job, and it's so sad that you're unhappy with it, but we all know what you mean about the financial side of things. Not fantastic money either for all the work you have to put in. Have you looked around for another job? A Junior school maybe, where the work isn't so stressful, I mean the prep work etc.
I do think you're going to make yourself ill with the worry of it all. Do go and see your GP if you haven't already. I don't know what else to suggest, but my heart does go out to you.
Got to go and get ready now, but didn't want to not reply to your thread. Take care, and at least it's Friday, so you have the weekend to maybe work on something else for next week's observation. Good luck, take care. Hope your son is okay. xxxx
Hi pinkgrapefruit, things are getting on top again aren't they?
I think Louise's 2 posts have been excellent and it is time to sit back and have a look at your life.
You are feeling stressed so everything seems to be going badly. But try and think back to when you were seeing your counsellor, you were feeling positive, bright, up beat, ready for the future and recognising issues from the past.
You are in a great place! Remind yourself of that. Your son is well and healthy, you have a good job with good hours. You don't have a boyfriend squeezing all your time out of you and you have us! What could be better!
This weekend, perhaps you could try turning all those negative emotions into positive ones.
Your school likes you. Yes you are being reobserved, but the feedback from this can only be a positive, to progress your teaching.
Your friend is enjoying her life and probably expanding on it for your benefit, so you can be happy for her.
You have money coming in and the whole of Christmas off.
However something is still getting you down. Are you doing any extra curricular activities?
Hi everyone, thanks for the posts.
My gloomy mood lasted all weekend. Then its quite strange, I met up with my parents and had a right rant to my dad about my exhusband (normally he is never mentioned) which, although i feel bad for probably worrying my dad, made me feel better as it made me realise that part of the feeling is the anger i was feeling towards my ex husband.
Then yesterday i had an awful day at work, culminating in a flat tyre on my car. I could have cried. However a colleague pumped the tyre up which got me to the garage and then the garage looked at it straight away, decided the valve was leaking and put me a new one on for free (well in return to a donation to an Army benevelont fund box) - i was so grateful by these two acts of kindness (ie my colleague and then the garage) that i got home and realised that my bad mood that has been haunting me for the last few days had totally lifted and that not everyone is trying to make my life difficult. Today has felt so much better. Anna's message has been another reminder to me that actually i have a pretty good life and i really should appreciate it more.
I have decided i am going to try to treat myself like i would a friend - it if i have a bad day, make sure i have a glass of wine, a nice meal, a bath or go out - do something to cheer myself up just like i would for someone else - i've just been missing out on all of this, thinking that its only me and i haven't treated myself properly in a long time, i seem to have been punishing myself for something, i don't want to do that anymore tho and i feel this might be a real turning point. I truly hope so, i hope the horrid gloomy mood doesn't come back and bite me again. oh and guess what? I've enrolled on a beginners fencing course for January, lol (not building a fence - more 3 muskateers type!) - i've always fancied it, obviously i'm terrified about doing something new but i'm quite excited about the prospect of getting out reguarlly, although the babysitter cost is frightening (or maybe i'm just too cautious about spending money)
My son is coming to school with me tomorrow, we are going to blitz my classroom. then we are going to leave on time and go swimming - i'm looking forward to it.
pg x
That does sounds like a plan...
As for ranting at parents, I think they'd rather that you did that than keep things from them. I broke down with my Mum eventually, and I know my relationship with her changed and we never looked back. My Dad had died by then. Possibly he had been hoping I'd done the same as he had the same disappointed feelings about The Git...
I'm glad your colleague helped. I can't help but wonder how many teachers feel as unhappy in their jobs as you? They must face the same challenges when it comes to the behavious of the chilren.
Hope today is a good one.
xx
Wow what a great post pg, and I am glad you received those kindnesses.
Fencing, very exciting!!!
The anger thing....over the hols you could write a long and furious letter to your boy's dad. Say everything that is inside you and don't hold back. Then DO NOT SEND IT, just rip it into little shreds. That will be very cathartic
Hi pinkgrapefruit, am soo glad to read that you are going to start an activity, that is always a positive. Good to exert energy and create a balance of serotonin levels in your body and hopefully keep fit too!
I also think it is great that you recognised those 2 acts of kindness and with them helped lift your mood.
We all have blue days, but I have learnt that we can recognise them for what they are and nip them in the bud by not beating ourselves up, but being kind to ourselves and then we have moved on!
You are so on your way, life is sent to try and test us and hopefully we grow on the way
Hi everyone, just finished some marking that I've been carrying around with me for the past week, still got lots of tests to mark but they will have to wait until the christmas holidays. We break up on Tuesday, tomorrow and Tuesday wil no doubt be madness, just trying to keep the students calm-ish. I missed the whole staff party yesterday (due to lack of baby sitter) but am going to my departmental one tomorrow - there is just the 10 of us all taking food round to one of the other teacher's houses, nothing too wild, but that suits me.Work has been fine - well it was until a staff netball match on Friday when tempers frayed and a couple of teachers had a proper full blown row in front of the rest of us. Nothing to do with me but I'm so sensitive to conflict I found I came home really shaken up by it. I just never expected so called professionals behaving worse than toddlers. Doesn't help that one of them was my boss - i saw him in a completely new light, big bully really, and its quite unsettling. will be interesting to see how he is tomorrow.
I've been doing some big thinking, whilst i'm happy at my school for now (and although there are still massive pressures, these come and go with different priorities every week but generally i think things are getting slightly easier than they used to be) I have decided that I would like to try to get a job at a private school if possible. Its not urgent but a longer term goal, but at least if i know what I'm looking for I can keep an objective eye out for job adverts. Private education - i know some may say i'm selling out but there would still be big pressures, they would just be different. Who knows if i manage to ever get in at that type of school tho, its more competitive of course.
i'm more prepared for christmas than i have been for years and that is quite a calming feeling. this time last year i was excited about spending my first christmas with my then boyfriend...the excitement lasted until christmas day when he gave me the naff-ist present ever!! I'm not really into receiving presents, i find the whole thing really awkward and i certainly don't want anyone spending lots on me, however the horrible naff (fairly expensive) present i had to unwrap did make me sad inside and wonder at the time if he knew me at all....of course in April i discovered that he really didn't, lol! ah well, another year gone, another year wiser, I do feel that i have made some big steps forward this year, and a new boyfriend certainly isn't on my santa list! A big hug on christmas morning with my son is more than enough for me this year :)
pg xx
Glad you feel clear in your head where you want to get to. One thing about private school you will have smaller classed and perhaps a nicer type of child.
No comment re men.
And I'm glad you're looking forward to finishing and to the holidays.
Merry Christmas pg
xxx
Well done on nearly getting to the end of another term, pg.
I am relieved that you are not asking for a man from Santa, some of the others have put in requests for Johnny Depp, etc and I am exhausted trying to organise it for them all 
Hi Pg. Really pleased to read your post, knowing that you're okay. It's great that things are beginning to settle for you too. I'm sure there'll still be good and bad days ahead, but as always you'll get through them. Are you going to your Mum's for Christmas? Have a wonderful time whatever you're doing. xxx
Great to read your post pinkgrapefruit
Happy holidays to you and your son
Thanks for all your kind wishes - quite a good, and certainly a very relaxing, day :) I need to bottle this unstressed feeling for when school starts again!
pg xx
Glad you had a good day pg. What are your plans for New Years Eve? C and I will be staying in, and I expect watching Mr Popper and his Penguins, and playing on the Wii. xx
Hi, yep son and I will be staying in too, doing something similar to you! can't imagine we will last til midnight though!
Talking of sleep, I didn't sleep well last night (mainly due to day time naps and too much food I suspect!) so I've been on a mission not to stop today so that I can go to bed at a proper time and hopefully get a better night's sleep - so far so good, I'm shattered and have completed loads of stuff today - unblocked the shower, put stuff on ebay etc etc, all the things that needed doing but i never get round too - just trying to hang on til 10pm now to go to bed and SLEEP :)
take care xx
I think it's really hard to stay in a routine over the holidays, and even harder to keep children in one. You did the right thing, pg, to hang on as long as possible.
New year will be quiet here too, I have been invited to a party but plan just to drop in there for a short while, am not very good with late nights
took the tree and decorations down today (hate them lingering into January) and went up into the loft to put them away to find the roof leaking :( I hate being a grown up sometimes. Its Friday just before a bank holiday so i have to accept not going to be able to even speak to anyone about fixing the roof til middle of next week by which time I'll be back at school, when phonecalls and meeting workmen etc is all so much more difficult, and goodness knows what damage the leak will have caused by then :( I want the rain to stop!! Hmmmm trying to calm down and accept that there is always something that needs fixing, thats life, but its just hassle! Had a little cry about having to deal with this on my own and not having a partner living here to help me sort stuff like this, generally reassure etc, I shouted at the loft ladder in rage as its really old and wobbly and I couldn't get it to go back up to the loft for storage. My son kept having to tell me it would be fine, i really don't feel like a good mum today.
Hi Pg. Of all the rotten luck to have the leak. Could someone not come out tomorrow? Have a look in phone book, you never know, you might be lucky. It's okay to have a cry. I sometimes do that, when things are breaking down, falling apart, needs fixing etc, and I'm used to being totally on my own, hehe. The rain hasn't stopped here today either, looks like everyone has that, just to suit our moods eh!!!
Shall be taking my decorations down on Sunday, always do it New Years Day. A good clean, and try and get flat organised before starting back at school on Wednesday. C and I are not looking forward to it, but I'm going in with a leap rather than dread. (hoping this works)
If you're not around tomorrow, just want to say Happy New Year to you and your son. Things can only get better. I say this every year, so for once it must come true!!! Take care. xxxx
hi pinkgrapefruit - i know what you mean about having someone to do it - i am listening to sad songs on you tube and crying at the moment - but i know that i crying for what never was really and if my ex really loved me he would be here and i would want him here - i am doing xmas decs on new years day - was tempted while kids were out with ex but resisted - you are a good mum just sometimes its harder than other - don't be too hard on yourself
Forgot to say you're a great mum. Doesn't matter if your son sees you cry, you're only human pg. When he is hurt, upset, stressed about something, he cries, so he'll know it's the same for you. I've lost count how many times C has seen me break down. Bless him, I always get a hug, and I always try and explain why I'm crying. You're doing fab, you took him on a great holiday in the Summer, you're doing a job so you can be there for him, and to give him a better life, so don't knock yourself down. Tomorrow is another day. xxxx
lrh, sorry you're so sad too today. Like I said to pg, tomorrow is another day. Am glad you resisted taking the decs down. Let the children do it with you. It's also okay to mourn the loss of your ex, that's part of the healing process isn't it? xxx
thanks hazeleyes i just get so mad with myself though - i don't think for one minute he is sitting crying in between seeing the kids - not that that matters but i feel like it is false grief i keep trying to remember how i felt when i thought (and still do) he was seeing someone else and how upset i was and how he never said sorry or tried to comfort me - how can you feel you still want someone who doesn't want you - its not fair - sorry i am taking someone else's thread - i will stop now!
lrh - don't worry about the thread! lol Thanks for posting and making me feel less lonely.
I sent a text to a builder who did some work for me earlier in the year and he has called to say he'll come over to try to fix the roof on Tuesday, even thought its a few days away I feel calmer that at least I've managed to arrange that and I'll be around to see him and sort it out as I don't go back to work til Wednesday so its about the best I could hope for really. If I'm feeling positive tomorrow I'll venture up in the loft again tomorrow morning and see if i can spot where the water is actually coming in and see if I can put anything down to collect the water. Not going up in the dark though! Trying to convince myself that if i hadn't gone in the loft today then i wouldn't have known about it yet so a few more days will be ok.
i know what you mean about thinking about your ex - i can't imagine my son's dad ever gets upset about what we've gone through and there are still times when i wish it had worked out - in reality though i know he didn't love me. He's settled with his new partner though now whilst i'm still struggling - i've been reading a good book all about how life isn't good or bad, its just about what your perception of your life is. I'm finding that quite helpful at the moment as it is making me think about positive things that happen to me everyday, and its amazing how many good things really do happen and how many complete strangers are often incredibly kind and trustworthy, must add something along those lines to my new years resolutions!
I'm waffling now so i'll head off, have a good cry lrh, it will do you the world of good, you'll wake up feeling a lot better tomorrow I hope.
pg
Thinking of you pg....Hope you have a good rest at least...well done though for making it this far...