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I watched that the other day!! I think I have a Bear crush now! Miranda does really well though doesn't she? Will check the name of the book in a bit and post later
Hopefully it will be a lose tile and he can slip it back in place without you being there. Slates were often shifting or breaking on the laughingly called family home, and a builder friend would sort it when he was passing. And he never charged me silly money...
I think when we're struggling and we know that ex's are having a jolly old time time of things without any responsibilities, I think we're entitled to be a teensy weensy (yeah right) resentful.
Glad you've texted the builder pg.
My decorations will come down on 12th night - they've only been up a week due to rubbish stuff that was going on here 
Hi - Pink grapefruit - did you complete your teaching course? I hope you stuck with it ? -
I started college in September - I am the oldest one there, I'm working full time as well - I'm going slowly insane!
I think you can juggle, but I concentrate on the children and work, then read college books on the train or while the children do their homework.
I have to catch up on housework in holidays. My boyfriend is being neglected.
Hi macapple, that certainly is a tall order and you do need to make sure you get some time off too. Take care of yourself!
PG, glad you got in touch with the builder. I agree about things in the house going wrong, I feel personally affronted when they do, even though I know they would still go wrong even if I lived with Mr D.I.Y. 2011
LRH you are not wrong to grieve.....you are not so much grieving for him as for the loss of what you thought he was.....
lrh - this is the book i mentioned yesterday 'Making the Big Leap' by SUzy Greaves - i've had it for a few years and originally bought it when i was setting up a business with my ex. I started reading it again the other night tho when i couldn't sleep - it is really aimed at people looking to make big changes to their career, but most of it can equally be applied to just changing the way you look at your life and making baby steps in the direction that you want to go. I find it very easy to dip in and out of and quite inspiring as the books accepts that you will still have days when ' all you want to do is stay in bed and be fed mashed potato' but it helps you come up with a plan for what you will do when you do creep out from the duvet.
Had a good day today - i bought a Destinys Child cd for £3 the other day at the supermarket and drove around today singing Survivor and Independent woman at the top of my voice - i actually found it put me on a real high, will have to remember to keep that handy!! Son was with his dad for a while, I went for a coffee and a handsome man there was very smiley with me that got me all flustered but I came away happy! then i went to the gym and an equally handsome man rescued me when I seemed to have got locked inside the steam room, lol, I'm so inept at times! I was already a bit hot and bothered by the steam, then got that increasing panic feeling when the door wouldn't open, then even more flustered by the sight of the handsome hero! I was a nervous wreck by the time I had escaped back to the changing rooms. So all in all a really selfish me day, but its made me feel a million times better.
Yes macapple I completed the teaching course - now in my second full year of being an actual teacher, good luck with college, it is incredibly hard to fit everything in but I think its worth it.
I'm looking forward to 2012, its 5 years since my son's dad left, was last April that my boyfriend dumped me so I feel like i might finally be getting over both and actually looking forward to enjoying life again. want to plan someting for feb half term but not sure what - don't want to go away for the full week as then i don't get a proper rest before i go back to school but want to have something to look forward to, hmmmm need a big think. Gencing course starts mid Jan tho - soooooo excited :)
Have a lovely 2012 everyone, thanks for being there always whenever I have needed a supportive shoulder to cry / rant on. Hope you all have lovely, happy and healthy years with your children :) pg xxx
Happy New Year pg. I do hope its a good one for you.
xxx
Hello pink grapefruit,how are you getting on? Hope things are going well for you
Hi Louise, thanks for thinking of me!! Yes, I'm great actually - really enjoying life right now. Back in about November something somehow clicked back into place and I realised my life is pretty good - good job (ok stressful but mainly good and great holidays!), amazing friends, great family, and of course the best son (well i think so anyway), every night i go to bed and genuinely think really positively about all the good things that are happening. Even been on a few dates recently with a guy that one of my friends has been pestering me to meet for years - he seems great but its early days and we are both going very slowly, nice to have some companionship though I must say. I've lost some weight without really trying, I think it all just stems back to being far happier and able to cope these days.
I feel for everyone out there still struggling - i struggled for years. all i can say is that it just does seem to take time. I'm glad i stuck to my principles, didn;t get too embroiled in arguments with ex and rebuilt my life how I wanted it for me and my son. I'm hoping i'm finally over the bad stuff, its nice to have some time to just catch my breath these days without major life upheavals!
Hope you are all doing well, will be back on the boards again soon for longer, got to get some work done though now!
take care
pg
Hi pg
Thanks so much for replying, it is great to known that things are better for you, you certainly worked hard enough to get there! Posts like yours can be such an inspiration to those who have just started on the journey
Good luck with everything and do keep in touch.
Hey pinkgrapefruit, it is really good to hear from you and that life feels settled and positive, that is great news.
It is nice to see that you are dating and enjoying it without getting too embroiled in the whole thing :)
I take it that school is working out better this year too?
I agree - we need inspiration that it can and does get better - thanks pg
Me again - its half term so I get an opportunity to catch up :)
Hope everything is going well for you all, try to keep smiling and see the little positive, kind things that happen every day when you are really looking for them. Also the best thing about a bad day is the day after always seems to be much better, there is only so low things can get somehow.
Life is still going well for me, I don't think I'm one of life's natural teachers and will never be amazing at it, but I do think I'm good enough and for the next few years it leads to the best balance for my son and me...(can't wait for the Summer holidays, on count down already;)) Some days I actually enjoy teaching but everyday the hours fly by which again is better than me sitting somewhere watching the clock tick slowly by.
Money isn't amazing but its easily adequate and we all know that there is more to life that that anyway.
I'm still seeing the guy I mentioned above, he has his own complications with his ex but seems to be such an honest, decent and open bloke and more than anything a really good companion. We have kept each other apart from our children so far, we are just enjoying taking it slowly but if things continue to go well then I'm sure as time goes on we might start to include the kids in days out etcs.
Massive thanks to you all for keeping me going through some really tough times, especially of course to Louise and Anna - your comments, patience, support and dedication are amazing, and also particular thanks to hazeleyes and sparklinglime who I know I would love to be real life friends with should we all live in the same 'real' village rather than'online'! You are all such lovely caring people, who despite your own problems and worries are always there for others which is amazing.
I will be back again soon, but sending love to you all xx
Hey Pg, long time. It's great to 'hear' from you, and such a positive post. Life is on the up for you, yeahhhh. You are so right, I do think that we could all be friends in the same 'real' village. I think us oldies (I mean on one space, not age wise, hehe) have grown close, well as close as you can on a computer!!!
How's your son doing? Bet he's growing so big now. C is away at my sisters for the half term, so am trying to 'find myself'. Not succeeding, hehe. Am enjoying TA job, and hoping another position comes up in September, as am on a yearly contract.
I really am delighted things are going so well for you, and a new fella too. Very wise, taking things slowly too I mean with your little boy of course.
Take lots of care pg, and hope to hear from you again soon. xx
So glad life is treating you kind.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
High five to you, PG, it is great to hear that after all your hard work, life is good.
Anna and I love this work: getting to know parents, seeing them change their lives, watching established One Spacers, like Hazeleyes and sparkling, helping others along. We have Sally with us now as well, who is another source of support.
Summer holidays ahoy!
I like that word you used Louise, established. I think of us as the oldies (not age of course)
We have of course seen how we've all moved on, and it is great. We still have our falls, but we soon pick up again.
hi everyone - just feeling a bit down this evening so wanted to pop along and see how everyone else is doing. Hope everyone is managing to move forward. I'm ok, just suffering from autumn term pressure at work, and running myself ragged trying to do everything at both work and home. Working fulltime sucks a lot of the time, doesn't it? Big news - I have provisionally accepted a new job, have realised that despite all my best efforts teaching really isn't for me, it just wears me down too much. Worrying bit though as new job will require more travelling to work and not school hols - so am already v anxious but am hoping that if I am happier in the role and don't bring so much stress home with me then it will be better for son....i just hope i'm doing the right thing.
Son's dad seems to have decided i'm enemy number one again - taking every opportunity to rail road dates / times into what he wants, walking all over me just like he did when we were married - so rubbish that I can never break this connection with him. Son is seeing me get more and more upset about the situation which isn't great either so thats yet another thing i feel guilty about.
Still seeing really nice guy, over 6 months now - but neither of us want our children involved so its more like companionship really - nice evenings out and the occasional day trip if we are both child free. Its all good in that respect.
Heard a great quote the other day - "the quickest route from despair to hope is a good night's sleep" - am hoping it will work for me tonight!
Sorry to be a misery guts, just needed to get it all out, hope everyone out there is ok xxxx
Hi pinkgrapefruit (warm hugs), how lovely to see you, albeit you feeling a bit blue, glad you sought us out
Did you sleep well? I absolutely agree a good nights sleep can work wonders (also healthy food too can have a great effect)
We all get our 'blue' days, it sounds as though you have a lot going on, change of jobs, change of childcare and frustrating ex.
So you have taken the courageous choice of shifting careers - wow - that takes some guts! And you certainly have those, you wanted to become a teacher and you did it, now you feel that there is something more suitable and you are going for it, big high five, thats not easy! What is the job you have provisionally accepted? When will you start?
Autumn term, darker evenings and working full time after a long summer break does take its toll. Just remember it is just a shift in our habits and we do soon adjust.
I often feel that working full time and trying to raise my daughter and keep a home is exhausting and worrying about other things too really doesn't help.
You mention that your ex is calling all the shots at the moment. It sounds as though you have been feeling quite stressed recently and your defences are down, so he is able to railroad you into doing what he wants. How about having a think about what you deem is acceptable for you and your boys life and then not budging from that?
I am glad that you have the companionship of another adult, it can really help relieve the stress of parenting alone! Are you wanting more from him at this point or are you happy for things to carry on as they are. And I am asking what you pinkgrapefruit wants, not what she thinks is best?!
It is always nice to see you here pg, keep on updating us won't you xx
Hi PG
I'm sorry you're feeling a bit low. I blame lack of sunshine.
Good luck with the new job. I hope it works out well. Very exciting
Hi PG. Lovely to hear from you, but sorry you're feeling so low. So, what is the new job? Are you able to divulge all to us? Have you made arrangements for your son for the holidays? I'm sure if you're happier, then he'll be just fine. Hope you're feeling 'brighter' tonight. xx
Hi pg, lovely to see you
Exciting news about the job, are we allowed to know what it is? Hopefully something less demanding, although to be fair my memory of working while mine were smaller does include the tendency to fall asleep every time I actually sat down!
As for your son's dad, well you can't change him, I guess the only thing you can do is consequences (you have to do this calmly and in a very sweet voice) as in "Oh dear, if only you had let me know earlier, we have something arranged now. It would be great if you could let me have seven days (or whatever) notice in future so that we don't make other plans"...and then "reward" him if he sticks to the notice period by being co-operative. That is manipulative and even rather passive aggressive but sometimes we have to box clever.
Nice about the chap in your life. I know you must feel a bit wary after your last relationship but hope you will enjoy time with him and feel positive about the whole thing.
Did you get a good sleep?
Hi ladies, thanks for the lovely replies.
The job is as a lecturer at uni - not too dissimilar to teaching but hopefully i will no longer have to cope with some of the extreme behaviour and agression that i have to face at the moment at secondary school. I still find it difficult not to 'take that home' with me and don't think long term it would be good for me. I worry that i'm chopping and changing but uni seem really keen on me and promise that i will actually find it more flexible than school so fingers crossed. I think it will be busy when students are around but whilst i will get fewer official holidays i think there will be scope to work from home a little etc particularly when the students are on holiday. What do you think?
As for my relationship...hmmm...Anna you have a skill of hitting the nail on the head, lol. We both have one son each (co-incidentally the boys are the same age) but the boys have only met a couple of times, both engineered by our mutual friend who introduced us. I got really frustrated a couple of months ago as i felt i wanted the relationship to develop and our lives blend together a little. Anyway i did the mature thing (I think) and sat him down and tried to explain how i felt. He in turn explained that he feels his son is still struggling to cope with the divorce but also that he doeesn't see his son that much and so doesn't want to have to share him during that time, also he said that when he was a teenager his mum started seeing a man (she was widowed) and he was very resentful of someone else trying to become part of the family and doesn't want his son to feel the same. So the upshot was, he wants things to stay as they are, just seeing each other when we are child free or when we have babysitters. I have accepted this, at least for now, and actually feel better that we have had the chat and i know exactly where he is coming from. i think its adjusted the way i was feeling / behaving as now i see it much more like any other friendship and when i see him, great, but when i don't i just get on with life with me and my son. At the moment i'm ok with that - will have to see how i feel long term.
Have been sleeping better this week thankfully so things with ex seem bit better - i think you are all right, i have been so busy agonising over the job he has taken me by surprise when his demands have started to appear.
thanks again
The job sounds great and at least your students will now be people who WANT to learn. Well done you.
The relationship...received wisdom is that a relationship needs to be really established before children are introduced and some specialists suggest a year. I imagine that your bf is a bit worried about contact with you jeopardising his time with his son and it IS good that he wants quality time with him, I would take that as a good sign about his character!
My brother used to teach in a secondary school in London. He joined the RAF as a lecturer after that (back in 1977 - he's 13 years older than me).
Back in 1998 they moved to the Isle of Man, orginally to retire, but ended up becoming a tutor. He has now retired, but misses it very much. Adult education is whole different ball game.
I do hope you're successful. Having the main holidays off, it shouldn't effect your son too much?
No comment on the relationship 
You know me and my track record! So long as you're happy though.
Help!! Am having nightmare weekend umming and ahh-ing about whether to accept this lecturing job. I really need to tell the uni plus resign from my school tomorrow.
Here's the main bits I'm agonising over:
School - don't enjoy the behaviour management or the constant changes to the curriculum, the way I'm always rushing due to the pressures at school every single day, my face doesn't really fit - don't feel comfortable there. But its 5 mins from home and I get same school hols as my son. Job also finally getting easier now its my third year.
Uni - job itself would be more satisfying but would be hard work for first couple of years whilst I plan all the lectures etc for first time. With traffic, probably easily 45 mins travel every day. 10 weeks hols per year (rather than school's 13 weeks) so 21 days when I will have to use childcare in addition to current breakfast club / afterschool club in term time. Salary only slightly better once take into account travel costs, probably same when you add on the child care costs too. 9 months probationary period when I would have to prove myself. 37 hours in contract whereas currently just school hours when I have to be there albeit most nights I do stay later to work and always work in evenings at home.
Should I take the uni job or should I count myself lucky that i have a permanent job so close to home etc etc??? Help, I'm driving myself to despair with this. everyone says take the uni job but its me thats a single mum wanting to do the best for my son - and beginnning to think that might actually be staying where I am - what do you think?????
Hello pinkgrapefruit -
We haven't met. I'm Mary & I've recently started doing holiday cover on the One Space boards. Pleased to meet you
Change can be really daunting - it always seems easier to 'stay where you are', better the devil you know and all that. But - and it's a big but - I was really struck by the section of your post above which reads "...don't enjoy the behaviour management or the constant changes to the curriculum, the way I'm always rushing due to the pressures at school every single day, my face doesn't really fit - don't feel comfortable there".Try reading that again and let it really sink in. Those all sound like valid reasons to take a risk with the Uni position.
I take on board what you're saying about there being risks involved with the new job - but I'm willing to be there will be loads of benefits too (and I'd put good money on some of those countering all the things that you dislike about working at the school).
I don't doubt you want to do the 'best for your son'; but if you're happier at work surely he will reap the benefits of that when you are at home?
Ultimately, it's down to you, but you asked what I thought!
It is a hard decision to make.
You need to be certain that you would be happier at the University, or perhaps it would increase the stress levels as with the school for the first year?
I think perhaps you need to be making a list of pros and cons.
Good luck with your decision, which ever way you go.
Hi pg. You haven't been happy or settled in the secondary school, since day dot really have you? On this basis, I would have to say, go for the uni position. Yes, it will be hard at first, adapting to everything etc (just like secondary) If it fails, you don't think it's suitable or whatnot, then you can still go back to teaching, maybe in a Juniors, where the work isn't so intense, and not so much work to do at home maybe.
Not much use here, sorry. It's a hard decision pg, and the only one to really do that, is you. Of course, it's frightening to start something new, but you're a strong person, and if anyone can take a different venture, then it's you. Let us know what you decide. xx
I agree with hazeleyes. You have not been happy at the school for a while so it is worth trying a change, it is not forever if it does not work out!
What do you think?
Hi Pg. What decision did you arrive at? Really hope you get back to us. We're all dying to know. x
Sorry for the delay in posting - busy week! I did it!!!! I resigned on Monday morning - will finish at school when we break up for Christmas, start new job in Jan - yippee :)
thanks for all your amazing advice - there is only so long I could do something I really disliked no matter how convenient it is for raising my son, hopefully this new role will be more enjoyable and satisfying and I'm sure I will, eventually at least, find a way to make it flexible enough.
Today was terrible day at school so I'm really happy with decision. Staff who i thought were friends haven't congratulated me at all, they are just talking about how might replace me etc. But todays main event was that i was teaching all day plus running a revision class after school so i knew my only break would be 30 mins at lunch. In the lesson before lunch a notoriously naughtly boy kicked off and i had to move him to work elsewhere. At lunchtime the deputy head saw him walking round the school and apparently sent a message with one of the other maths teachers to ask me why i had let him go for lunch and that i should have him for detention for the whole of lunch - this message was passed on to me in a sensationalist way as if i was in big trouble. i explained to the messenger that i'd have prefered for deputy head to speak to me direct but that i have full day etc etc and have spent dozens of lunchtimes with this naughty boy for previous offences, none of which detentions make one jot of difference, so today i chose half an hour off to ensure i was in a fit state to teach for the rest of the day rather than spend the time getting annoyed by naughty boy. i hope the deputy head asks me about it tomorrow, i feel like im quite justified in my position and would have pleasure to explain it again!! lol I think i might be getting a little demob happy but really - i have tolerated so much with such little support from other staff that i'm not going to break my back in the last few months.
Can't wait for January - although not wanting to wish my life away!
thanks again everyone
pg xx
A huge Congratulations from me Pg. I am totally sure you have made the right decision, and sounds like you do too As I was reading your post, one thought went through my mind (naughty I know) but if it becomes too stressful, can you not go sick and you'd still get paid until Christmas? (tut, tut, Hazeleyes) As for the situation today, I'd completely agree with you. Let the Head speak to you tomorrow if he chooses, and yes, he should have spoken to you about it, rather than send the messenger! Is your son pleased for you? Am sure he's dead proud of you.
I am really made up for you. Enjoy your weekend. Only a matter of weeks, should you decide not to throw a sickie xx
Congratulations! Sounds brilliant.
Like hazeleyes says, its down to weeks, and not long until half term
Great news PG!!!
Hi all,
Hows things? Happy February!
Jan brought massive changes for me. I started the lecturing job but hated it and did the arguably irresponsible thing and left pretty quickly, I was so unhappy and the long hours would have been really difficult to juggle with my son.
So I've had the last couple of weeks off, hatching a plan. I feel the healthiest I have in years as I'm actually sleeping properly and the happiest I've been as I'm actually taking my son to and from school for the first time ever. I only had a very minimal amount of maternity leave when he was little and have worked ever since so it feels wonderful to have a bit of a break to be with him now.
Obviously I do need to work so I have been having a big think and tentatively looking around to see whats available. My old school are going to use me for supply work as and when they have an opportunity but I have also been approached by a local primary school to do some booster maths sessions with their older children in readiness of their SATS. Also I have a meeting with a local sixth form college about coming up with a new programme of numeracy classes for them! I'm hoping to end up self-employed, teaching in a variety of local settings, with hours to suit me - I'm so excited, I know there will be set backs but I'm so positive about this :)
Will keep everyone updated, keep your fingers crossed for me!
pg xx
Hi pinkgrapefruit, you really are a striver!
I loved reading your post and really felt the simple joy that you are getting from taking your son to and from school and just being mum for a while.
It sounds as though all that you have done over the last few years, may be coming together, so at the time, you have questioned things, changed things etc, but now it is showing that it is all for good reason.
I am a complete believer that if it doesn't feel right, fix it and that is what you have done every step of the way. Well done you. I bet your boy is enjoying you stress free with 100% of your attention.
We believe in you, you can do it
High five to you, pg. Being self employed does seem to be the way many people go. You need to work 16 hours a week to stay in the Working Tax Credit system of course, but that 16 hours need not all be teaching because in your working week would be icluded time for admin, marketing and accounts etc.
I am self employed and the biggest tip I can pass on is...put some money away every month towards your tax.
Everything you have done and learned has contributed to the person you are today and wouldn't it be fantastic to think that after all the hard work, you were beginning to reap the rewards?
Hi pg. I think Primary school is just up your street, not so stressful etc. Going self employed will also give you plenty of time to spend with your son too. Yes, it'll be hard at first, but you'll do it. You do sound so much happier, so that must be a good thing. Onwards and Upwards now Hope your son is okay. How is he doing at school?
That sounds really good pg. Best wishes for the future, and I'm sure it will be a success.
thanks pg - glad you got a builder sorted and hope its not too bad - book sounds good can you tell me what its called - just watched Miranda with Bear Gryls - it made me think about my life and what i can do to change it - probably struggle tomorrow but then i will pick myself back up - enjoy your few days off -