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Hopefully fishing trip tomorrow then. Did you go shopping with daughter? Any bargains?
Left for shopping trip with daughter at 11:20. Got call from son to my mobile around 12. He is happy to go fishing tomorrow, especially as the weather is still yuck here and as he said it gives him time to get his stuff together.
Don't worry Anna, I didn't go shopping instead of fishing. The plan was fishing trip today, shopping trip tomorrow, so we swapped those two days over! Everybody wins. 
Really hoping for good weather tomorrow!
If he gets home at a decent time, I'll involve myself in the preparation for tomorrow, too.
Got lots of bargains, Hazeleyes, Jeans for £ 4. Mainly went for my daughter, she had birthday money burning holes in her pockets! x
Hi Hopeful,
Wow, you have so much on your hands! You're doing very well, though you're having a tough time at the moment.
My children aren't full blown teenagers yet so I can't say I have been through what your going through, but I was one of 4 and lived with very strict parents! Hated it at the time....but I now have utmost repect for the rules my parent set down for us. It made us the people we are today. I agree that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, you will be thanked one day for trying to keep your son on the right road in life! It may not seem that way right now, but you will.
You mentioned that your son liked Rugby? My eldest son had aggression issues a couple of years back, he would lash out at his younger brother when wound up. Now he plays Rugby and loves 'beating' the opposing team, in short he takes his aggression out on the pitch. Also he has some great friends on the team, there's a real team spirit which boosts my sons confidence and has improved his grades. Does your sons school have a Rugby team? Maybe he could play there and so it will not eat into his socialising time?
Fishing is a great way to get some quiet time and meditation too!
Your eldest son seems to be getting through a little, which is a good thing.
Although in no means trying to tell you what to do, I am not qualified nor do I pretend to be, I run my home on a basis of mutual respect. Telling my children that we all have to live in the house and we all have to respect eachother. If I need to tell my children no, I tell them why and treat them with a level of maturity, rather than just telling them what to do. (I hated it when my Step Dad said no and when asked why he would say 'because I said so') It's working so far, fingers crossed......but like I said I have a couple of years to go before mine become full blown Teens!
However, you have taken 2 teenage sons through their troubled years successfully! Hats off to you!! I had a friends son who was heading for expulsion at 14, then one day he just 'grew up'. She did nothing different than she had been doing all along, he just woke up one day different lad!
I hope I've not rambled too much, enjoy your fishing trip. The weather is supposed to be fine this weekend. And I hope I've not offended at all with my advice, you gave me such good advice, I thought I'd add my thoughts to your problem too. x
HI,
of course I'm not offended! He does play rugby at school, and I think it's kind of a confidence issue joining a 'proper' team now. Will try to encourage him more during the holidays.
I do try to explain (we have a rota for cooking/washing up, etc. because I said I can't do it all by myself), but usually when he's 'like that' he doesn't want to listen, but just walks off.
Kind of looking forward to the fishing thing - especially as he is!
Thanks everyone for sticking with me!
Hi hopeful, apologIes....i read your previous message differently to what you were saying.
Sounds like shopping was a success. Jeans for £4??? tell us where! Were they in a sale??
Good luck tomorrow, if he stresses out at all, remember to just keep calm, you are having a lovely time and very happy!!
Good point Belle, we do appreciate our parents boundaries.....eventually!
Looking forward to hearing all that you learn on your fishing trip :)
Hi,
I can understand he is nervous about joining another team, my son was given details by his coach at school and a few of his team mates already play, so he has friends on the team already. Maybe speak to his coach at school and see if there are any local teams who his team members play for? Maybe just go to a match one sunday and watch. My son loves explaining the rules when we watch international games at home (I admit I do 'dumb down' a bit to indulge him), and your son seems to be eager to teach you to fish so he might enjoy giving you a running commentary of the game. If he sees what it's all about he might want to join in. I went on the website of our local club and emailed the head coach explaining that my son wanted to join, I received such a great response, which I forwarded to my son, and now he is looking forward to it as he knows they are expecting him and are looking forward to having him on the team.
I hope your fishing trip was a success today and you enjoy having some quality time with your boy. xxx
Back from fishing! It was too cold for my liking (weather started out ok-ish, but got worse as it went on. At least no rain!). We did catch some fish, however, according to my son, they don't count as they are only small ones. We almost got a big one, but i hadn't tied the hook on well enough so it got away. In the middle of it all, son got very upset and frustrated because he didn't catch anything 'decent', but he snapped out of it and we spent about 5 1/2 hours.
It was quite good to spend time with him, although we didn't really talk about anything. He said he liked it, so maybe we'll do it again (will just bring more layers).
Belle, the rugby problem is not him not knowing anyone - he does! He just wants instant success and knows that can't be guaranteed, so he doesn't even want to try. I'll work on it!
Anna, Jeans were at the very popular cheap place beginning with a P. Don't know if I'm, allowed to drop proper names here......
Hope everyone had a good day!
Thanks Hopeful - I hear ya! 
Sounds like fishing was a success! How did you deal with it when your son was getting upset? Did you ignore it? Do you know what shifted him out of it?
He wasn't angry upset, he was crying upset. 
He said he had wasted my money and my day because we did not catch any proper fish. I said I was having a good time just being with him and I didn't think I'd wasted anything. And for the fish, I'd never caught any in my life, so I didn't care how big they were, AND we could come again on another day, when the weather was better, and have another go.
It took him a while, but he got up and tried again, and didn't seem so upset anymore that we weren't catching 'proper' fish.
I think he just had a 'hormonal' moment, really, being unhappy without knowing why...
Hormonal moment, without knowing why! I know those, not just my daughter either!!
I do hope you get to go fishing again soon, now what about the rest of the holidays?
Fishing will be on a sunny day!
Rest of the holidays... hmmm. Some appointments (orthodontist) for various teenagers, daughter going off to a Christian summer camp for a week on Monday. Going to stay with my Mum for 3 weeks and a bit - hopefully that will keep everyone out of trouble.
Got to do lots of revision as exam when we're back to uni in september. (Found out my next placement will be in a&e! Scary!).
Lot's of nature where my mum is, so they can do old fashioned boy things like building tree houses etc.
When I get rich, I'm going to take everyone on a 'proper' holiday, not just a trip back to my mum's!
I'm so glad the fishing went well, even with the upset. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time at your Mum's.
I'm sure you'll enjoy A&E.
Hi Hopeful
I am just back from hols and I loved hearing about your fishing trip! Sounds as if it was a really special bit of time for the two of you, it doesn't matter that he did not talk about much, often they don't (think about teen boys together, not a lot of proper talk goes on)
As for the damage to the house, he is old enough to understand that if the house is damaged then a. it has to be paid for (by him!!) and b. (worst case scenario) you risk eviction, he needs to realise how serious this is.
Your placement will be a real eye-opener, I imagine not at all like Casualty the TV programme! You have some good plans for the holidays, stay strong and focused and CALM and keep posting so we can keep supporting you
Stay Calm!!! Hahahaha! You don't know what you're asking!
Have come home half hour ago from some friends wedding anniversary celebration to find No3 son not there, with no message as to where he is or when he will be back. Jobs he said he would do by my return have not been done (not sure why I am in the slightest surprised). Really really big sigh.
Does he think I am stupid???
Have asked No2 son what he would like to do, seeing that daughter and no3 son had a day with me each, but he said he doesn't know. He has said in the past though that he'd like to stay a night in a hotel, so I might arrange that for him as a surprise.... (bit pricey, but it would be a one-off).
Still thinking what to do about no3 son when/if he returns tonight....
A-ha! He's been - misunderstanding as to times (yeah, right) - and is off again. But with my blessing. At least I know where he is now. (He very cleverly said 'how can I tell so-and-so I can't stay at his house tonight because it would be mean to you'. Made me laugh!)
Oh they are very clever!!
As for the staying calm, I honestly do know what I am asking, my boys are now 21 and 16, and I also promise you that it is one of the most valuable tools in your kit when dealing with teens!
Good morning!
I know the staying calm is the best tool, because when I do it works a treat, but it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard! 
No3 son back and doing the jobs he promised (hurrah!). He's said he needs to go out in a bit because 'some woman' has asked him to keep an eye on her son. I don't think he gets paid for this, he says she does it all the time (and it's not someone I know) because she knows he'll bring the boy back to her, if there's a problem. So he CAN be all responsible...
Don't they love being "a man (or woman) of mystery"? My youngest son is exactly the same and as for the eldest, he constantly used to refer to himself as "an enigma" I always used to want them to bring out a chocolate bar with that name so I could say "The chocolate bar with more bubbles than a jacuzzi?" (or whatever the slogan was) Now there is a Cornetto called that, and I missed my chance! 
Maybe the cornetto slogan is equally apt?
Tee Hee!
Sad day for No3 son. 
He was really crying, saying he was trying so hard to be good (and he has been! AND I told him that!) and I was always out of order - I don't even know what I said to set him off!
How can I reassure him so that he gets it?
AWWWW. Sounds more like he is feeling guilty, Hopeful, they like to say "you always do X......" to make themselves feel better. Just hugs and I love you and then a distraction, ask about his hobby, say he can choose tea tonight, whatever!
I don't think he's feeling guilty, I think he is very depressed. He came and said could he go to the-next-town with mates and I said when would he finish jobs and how was he getting there. So he said he wouldn't go, because we never had any money and it went on and on and on and eventually he said he could just go and kill himself or something stupid (his words - at least he knows that's stupid).
He is so so so unhappy. I gave him lots of hugs (which he officially doesn't like, but I think secretly needs) and he cried lots and lots (made me cry lots, too). I suggested doctor again for antidepressants and counselling for the one hundredth time, but he doesn't want either.
He has just gone off with his friends. Half of me wishes that I had tons of money; that way I could at least keep up with that side of things (I really don't know how people do it. Lots of his friends, including the 'bad' one in the really deprived area, seem to have all the money they want?!?), but in the end that wouldn't be the solution either.
Have headache now from crying.
Have to pay 200 odd to garage for car going through mot.
Also have to find my passport which I had the other day and have put somewhere safe!
Sorry for moaning. Just one of these days.
car sorted.
still haven't found passport.
house a tip.
really really miss my husband.
Hi Hopeful. yes it is all worse when there is no-one to share it with
You are going through a rotten time, and feeling helpless just makes it worse. You're right, all the money in the world isn't really the answer, I always said I could provide my son with his own mansion, with butler and swimming pool and wall to wall eletronics and he would still say "I don't like these blue curtains, it's not fair"
So practicalities, passport today!!
As for your boy, you can't make him go to counselling if he doesn't want to. Him crying is a really good sign though, and being able to do so with you, I know it feels upsetting but it is a release. I work with a youth counsellor and one of the lads he saw just spent the whole of his counselling sessions crying. He said it was "the only place where he felt safe enough to cry"
How is your boy feeling about the holiday? How are YOU feeling?
Hi, thanks Louise,
son No3 doesn't want to go, says there's nothing to do (this is because he doesn't know anyone, and anyway children there have gone back to school now). And I always make him go there for ages. The point is he can't hang out with his mates here. Once he gets there, he makes the most of it though.
I've just done the washing up he was supposed to do a week ago. Full of mould, it was disgusting. So much for sticking it out!
Not feeling very happy. I have a friend coming in a few mins; we're supposed to tidy this house up before I go away. I feel like telling her not to come, a) I just want to hide away and b) I am a bit embarrassed about the state it's in. But she's very pragmatic and will talk sense into me.
You're right, Passport will be priority today.
apparently no3 son is too skinny because I never buy enough food! Would you believe it!!! Now that's just made me laugh!
Oh dear, we can't win Hopeful. Have you ever read Adrian Mole? In the very first book he tells his mum it is her fault that he has spots because he never gets enough vitamins. She gives him 10p and tells him to go and buy an orange. LOL
Friend will cheer you along!!!!
Hopeful!
My son and daughter always tell my sister that I never feed them : )
Friend was tremendous! My house is tidy in places I didn't even know I had!
No3 son found my passport (when it really counts, he pulls through, how good is that!?!) and has gone night fishing with a really nice friend.
No2 son went out.
No1 son coming at w/e to see us all before we're off.
Daughter still at camp having a fantastic time.
I met a friend at Victoria and we had a meal and saw 'Yes Prime Minister'
So my day was brilliant and has cheered me up immensely. No3 son's nice friend's mum has invited me for coffee when I pick No3 up tomorrow.
So thanks everyone for cheering me on! (Thought I'd share this before lights off!)
PS: lol, bubblegum, when No3 son was about 9 or 10 he became vegetarian for a while, except for salami..... maybe he's still recovering from the starvation....
Hooray that you had a better day!
Yes, and to think I almost called my friend to tell her not to come because I was feeling so miserable!
going to pick up no3 son now from nice friend's house!
And so the saga continues.... Why can't it just stay nice?
No3 son begged me to stay at a friend's last night. I didn't like it because he has an orthodontist's appointment at 9.30 today, but I couldn't be doing witht he argument, so I gave in, with him promising he'd be home by 8:30 or I'd ring the friend (he hates that says his friends don't like it).
So at 8:40 I rang the friend, woke him up, who said Son No3 didn't stay with him but was camping somewhere. I had just got the car key to go on a search mission when he sauntered in, no excuse. I told him I'd just woken his friend up and he's lost it again. He is so hostile!
I am out of order (of course!) ringing his friends and and and. I said, if he did what we agreed to in the first place and didn't break his own phone AND had always taken his own phone, I wouldn't have to do anything like this. Very proud of myself for not getting shouty, but really I want to wring his neck! (Shall tell him how good he was being home in time to leave when we're in the car in a minute, but it'll cost me!)
Any more wise thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I need his cooperation today and tomorrow, as we're leaving early Wed at he needs to pack his stuff and sort his room.....
Hi Hopeful. Trying to catch up with the posts, as I've been away for a week or so. You're doing really well, keeping calm etc. Had to laugh over the mould on the dishes, wow, you held off for a while though hehe.
Well done, Hopeful. One of the things that my youngest always used to do was to deny hotly that he ever agreed to such and such. Although it was a chore, I got into the habit of drawing up a short written "agreement" about things like your sleepover last night and it would specify what the consequences would be if he did not adhere to it. Now this will prompt outcries of "you don't trust me", to which you say I just need to be clear what we are agreeing, and if you ARE INDEED trustworthy and keep to your word then the agreement will not need to be invoked anyway....
Gosh it's hard work though, isn't it?
Thanks for the votes of confidence, Hazel & Louise!
It is hard work, yes.
And of course, because I'd just had a moan (sorry people), he's being as nice as pie since. Even started sorting his room out.
Will bear the contract thing in mind - also I've told him we'll do a 'big' contract thing (like you said in one of your links) while on holiday, so we'll be removed from the actual situation and things shouldn't get too heated.
Am off to the theatre with the girls tonight, and he said 'it's not in London, is it? I don't want you to get blown up!' Which is nice of him
Ha
Have a nice day everyone and thanks for being there is what I wanted to say before my message posted itself!
Computers will never catch on...... x
Have a lovely time at the theatre. What are you going to see? Your son does make me chuckle though! xx
Maybe you would like to borrow him for entertainment for a while?
Going to see 'Murdermystery', an Agatha Christie style thing, so not too taxing, but fun. xxx
Hi Hopeful, your poor boy sounds like his hormones and emotions are all over the place. Has he ever looked on the internet for support? I wonder if you could just drop a hint about the following? Or leave it on the screen and leave the room?
RD4U is a website designed for young people by young people. It is part of Cruse Bereavement Care's Youth Involvement Project and here to support young people after the death of someone close.
Thanks Anna,
I will try that - he's not really into computers and stuff, but maybe if I just leave something, he'll get nosey....
We had a family outing to the dentist and he needs a tiny tiny filling, but because he's already had the braces done today he couldn't be bothered.... After the holidays....
Hi hopeful, how was the Murder Mystery?
Hi Anna,
it was ok. (maybe I had high expectations)...... but it was nice to be out with the girls
Today it's packing - already had half a day of struggling with No3 son. Sigh. Then tomorrow we're off. Will try to check in here from time to time, but don't know how much internet access I'll get...
Hi Hopeful, it is always good to get out with the girls eh?!
I always joke that one day me and the girls will buy a gorgeous villa in the mountains in Spain or Greece and wile away our last days on the veranda, drinnking, laughing and enjoying each other, the weather and the freedom, hmmmm, lovely!
Good luck with the packing, can you get your son to do a job? Mowing the lawn, hoovering the whole house, something to keep him occupied, but that will also give him some pride. To get him out from under yoru feet while you get on?
Don't you worry about us, we will be here when you get back and looking forward to hearing all your news! Have a great hol, you deserve it!
He's gone out Anna. Lot's of jobs he's promised to do, but I'm not holding my breath, which is of course wrong of me, because 'I SAID I'D DO IT DIDN'T I, SO DON'T GO ON ABOUT IT!' Also I am so selfish making everyone come along for three weeks. Etc etc.
Son No2 and Daughter did brilliant teamwork yesterday, cleaning out turtle tank and madagascan hissing cockroaches (don't ask!), and are now sorting out the snake, too... Oh, and they saved a butterfly from the cat.
Better get going now, if I want to achieve anything today!
ooh Hopeful your pet menagerie sounds interesting!
Wishing you a fab holiday
The pets do sound like fun!
I do hope you get lots done I hope you have a brilliant holiday
Oh hopeful, I am sorry to read he wasn't back by 10.30, maybe he is now? Although if he is relying on the other boys mum to bring him home, it is out of his hands.
You can't swap the fishing trip with shopping trip with your daughter.
You need to keep the fishing trip on the cards, either this afternoon, or the next available time. Perhaps you could do something else with him once he gets home??
Sun is shining here, I hope it is heading your way :)