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hi i am never contacting my ex, now i av admitted to taking cocaine in june, my hair drug test was friday so ad to tell my soliciter, she wasnt happy but what can i do, cant get out of hair strand test, but i ant regular drug user like my ex said and do test after test to prove that,i adnt bin out in months and ad sum, ashamed of it,
my soliciter saying i could of told er in court but my head all over place god with what i got told in court bout ex, i just wanted get ome
Hi kiera
I am presuming that the hair strand test will show whether you are a persistent drug user or a recreational one.
Do you know how long you have to wait for the results of the hair test?
hi im not sure,but solicter said i myt not have to take one now,
Hi keira
That can happen sometimes, have they mentioned why you might not have to do the test? Anyway how are you this evening, planning on watching anything good on TV?
hi soliciter said myt not have to do test as cum bk positve but i wanted do it to show im not regular coke user,im not, il do anythin keep my kids, i really will, im trying so hard not to worry but i cant help it
im terrified of loseing my kids,thought terrifies me, i was terrified so much in court, cried al way home, cried loads over weekend,woke up with knot in my stomach, alot stress right now,canot believe im in this situation
Hello kiera, please read Anna's post again, about the straight talking,
If you are spending all the time crying then you cannot do the practical things that need to be done, either with the official people OR with your children, they need you to be there for them so you need to calm down and look after yourself AND them. What you are experiencing is the result of months and months of stress, it had all come to a head but whatever your fears, your job is to look after your children so please try to focus on this and on sorting the phone records and seeing the solicitor and Cafcass.
ur right its months and months of stress , thts what it feels like,
Yes and it has all exploded at once and we all feel for you, very very much. But do please focus on what you need to do next....
well spoke to my soliciter test cancelled, it will go bk to court, either il av test every month to see if im telling truth which i am, i said i wanted to be tested to prove im not regular drug user, so thts tht, next im seeing my soliciter friday regarding txts and fonecalls off ex, i fill form in online and get it printed off,got wait for appointment now from cafc ass
Well done, kiera, that is good progress today, massive pat on the back for you. Now is there something nice you can do for you and children?
hi well my 19 yr old daughter ere now,doin nice tea, spag bol. garlic bread and cheese,just lookin forward to our holiday now, 25th of august,goin to mates caravan,all of us,cant wait, not takin my fone,really cant wait,forget everything, x
Hey kiera, that is fantastic news about the hair test. Quite a relief of your mind I can imagine. So now that is out of the way, as long as you keep him from your door, you have nothing to worry about from social services - phew!
Your tea sounds nice, can I come? I haven't had bolognese for months - in fact, I might treat myself tomorrow (out with a friend tonight)
Aww I bet you just can't wait for the holiday - are you going for a whole week? Love your idea of not taking your mobile. You can let the wind blow away the last year or so and come home refreshed and ready for the future.
Did you think anymore about a wish list?
Perhaps you might want to join a course at your local childrens centre? Or go to a mums and babies water playgroup? Learn something new?
Is there anything that you have always wanted to do, but have never done. As my daughter says, this is the first day of the rest of your life and only we are in control of what we do with it! 
hi i do have sumat worry bout with ss as i admited to aving that,so i am stil worried,and i wanted to stil av hair strand test to prove im not regular drug user,
Ok well if they want you to have that then that would be fine, you are not a regular user.
I always love reading about what you have cooked, by the way 
Did you think about what Anna asked...is there something you have always wanted to do?
hi i think ss b incvolved as i admitted to coke, im not sure,avnt heard anything,im not sure what i want to do, well id love to live in peace, ive got contact centres to look forward to, cos no ex get sum contact, even tho he violent thug, i dont want see ex again, is it possible not see that man agian even tho we av a kidx
Not sure how contact centres work kiera, but I'm sure I've read on here, that you don't need to see your ex. Someone from the contact centre would take your daughter to him, and then at the end of the stated time, they would bring her back to you. As for the SS getting involved because you've admitted to using coke, not sure on that one. Sorry. Hope you have a more relaxed day today, difficult I know, but do try and do something to take your mind off things. Maybe, a list of what you plan on packing for the hols?
Living in peace, that sounds totally wonderful
Great idea about the holidays list, hazeleyes
hi yeah no idead wot to pack, stil need to get my little girl costume and armbands, and my 2 boys new shorts and tshirts, i just cant wait to go, ope it stays dryxand we wil b 5 mins from beachx
Oh cute, little girls swimming costumes - they are sooo sweet! It sounds as though you are going shopping shortly then kiera!
You never know with english weather it will stay dry, it is always worth packing for the worst ie: raincoats and wellies (if theres' room) the kids don't seem to mind as long as they are allowed out to play in the puddles!!
You say that you would like to live in peace, sounds lovely. We are not sure of what will happen with the courts and contact at the moment are we, but that aside, how else can you achieve that peace?
hi get peppa pig costume and peppa pig armbands, she loves peppa pig,iget all er clothes from mothercare online, easier, aw beta stay dry lol,achieve peace by moveing miles away where no1 nos where i am, is it possible to move miles away where ex cant find me, or will i get in trouble, i am serious
Hi kiera, costume and armbands sound real cute 
It is possible to move miles away, but if the court deems that your ex should have contact then you do have to abide by that.
If the courts do not agree that he has access, then you can move wherever you wish. We will have to wait to see what they say on this one.
In the meantime is there any way that you can find peace in your heart?
no not really, bin freedom program and just got bk,i dread post in case its ss,like got soliciters letter and my heart starts pounding and knot in my stomach and when i see it in black and white bout me takin coke i feel sick and ashamed, ive lost weight as cant eat at all, ad nothin yet cos ad tht letter off soliciter and fed up with everythin, my ex is gona drag it out i no he is, i despise him he doesnt deserve c my little girl
Yes it is understandable you feel like that.
Peppa pig, awww she will look so sweet.
kiera, you have to try and eat something, even if it's just toast, something light maybe? If you fall ill, then you won't be able to look after the children properly, or enjoy the holiday either.
hi had a subway, treated me and kids, i ad chicken salad, 2 boys bickering and fighting,getin to much, 14 yr old as just hit 10 yr old, sent 14 yr old upstairs, wish they wud get onx
Boys always squabble, don't they? but as you get calmer and stronger yourself then the calmness will be catching and they will settle down a bit. Great that you had a Subway
MODERATOR
I have deleted a couple of posts on this thread as the first message contravenes the Forum rules. I have deleted the seond message as it is a reply to the disallowed message.
thank you louise
That's Ok kiera, we do not allow personal approaches on the boards and that is one of the reasons we are so strict about members not giving personal contact information.
Hope your day has been a bit better, have you been able to eat something?
hi got myself subway,not ate it yet,bin soliciters,av send form off to get txts and messages from my fone,02 charge a tenna,and il b avin one to one with wave from next week,and wave can do reports to courts sayin on my progress,all elps, so doin freedom programme and one to one with wave bout effects on emotional abuse,like counsellin in a wayx
why do i av sad feeling, i feel sad,or i see families together happy i feel god wish tht was me, ive never ad that, so upsetting,i meet nutters, il never trust man agin after wot i heard bout ex, god he ad a new baby, wot these men wil do,
Hi keira, i would imagine that quite a few of us have possibly felt like that at sometime, looking at other families and wanting what they seem to have. You can be happy too keira without a man in your life and with the ex now gone you can be a happy family.
You have great kids and some good friends and focusing on all the other good things that you have or could do in your life can help.
What are you doing this weekend?
feel like no1 as a clue how i felt when i heard bout ex ad never left his girlfriend and also ad 7 month old baby, no1 as ever mention it to me, its just me on my own with it goin round and round in my head
and to hear bout his violent background, horrifyin,
I do understand what it feels like to find out that your supposed partner has been leading a double life and has a family elsewhere, so i know that all the stuff that is going round and round in your head is not going to change your situation, or make you feel any better, it is just going to go on going round and round and having you feeling all manner of emotions and making you feel confused and bad about yourself.
From experience learning to focusing on other stuff stopped me replaying the scenrio over and over as there was nothing that i could have done that would have made a difference, and i needed to stop beating myself up about it.
I feel that this may help you too, focusing on your children and all the good things, and at the moment with the kids out of school you can spend lots of quality time together. You never did say how your son got on the other week at the hospital?
YES MY EX AS GON AT LAST
Do you mean he has left the area, kiera or is out of your head?
Sally has given you a load of really helpful information, so do read it carefully as it will help you. Don't forget that you can share your feelings with Wave as well.
hi u no wake up and heart pounding so much, my ex live smiles anyway, i mean he is out of my life, all i think bout is my situation from when i wake up to when i go to bed,cant elp it,
i think "X" as left me a message, she sent me email, louise am i able to relocate sumwhere else, even tho got court im i allowed to move miles away in this countryx
I don't know the answer to that one, kiera, that is for your solicitor to answer as I don't know the law.
With regard to the other person you mentioned, you have the option not to read any emails etc and to block people on Facebook if that is what you choose.Personal messages on here will be deleted.
ok louise thanku x
Hope you are ok this morning, kiera. I was glad to read on the other thread that your little girl enjoyed the party...it feels as if you are starting to do more things, which is great.
hi louise yes my little girl enjoyed party and stayed sunny so was in the garden at my mates,my 2 boys were at their nanas,they went to the pictures,and at party next thur as well, my mates little boy is 1, just really lukin for ward to our holiday,ope stays nicexx
Ooh yes is exciting about your holiday.
What film did your boys see?
hi i for got to ask wot film they saw,my 2 boys goin taybarns tomoz for a birthday celebration, like a restaurant,all u eat buffet, and they goin to beach wed with nana,we are goin wacky thur for mates little boys birthday,my boys went camelot last week with nana, and i tuk um wacky and summat eat,they are lucky, nana takes boys to alot of places,and today boys at macdonalds with m grandma ,my mumx
Wow kiera, it sounds as though they are having great holidays so far. It is so good for them to be treated in this way, I am sure they can do with forgetting all the dramas of the last few months or so.
You mentioned before that your boys were fighting with each other. How do they get on when they are with nana or their grandma?
MODERATOR: marianne42, we do not permit personal approaches of this nature on this site. Please use the site for generalised support and information for single parents, rather than personal disucssions as these are against our forum rules. Any user who continues to flout the One Space rules will be banned by the Moderators.
Right kiera, time for some straight talking.
You need to get the phone records
You need to see your solicitor
The CAFCASS is coming for a visit.
All of things are practical things and need to be done and although annoying and painful, not harmful.
Are you considering contacting your ex? If not then, at this point you or your children are in no harm of being separated.
You are doing your own head in by going over and over this. You have been told why the children could go into care, but you are not contacting your ex. So that is not a reality.
You have called the police in the past to protect yourself and your children. I think whenever you start getting panicky you need to remind yourself that you are a good mum, you did what you needed to do to protect your family, you are not a criminal or an addict and although I get the feeling that somewhere deep inside you don't believe this. Its the truth.
When you feel the stress, what about sitting down with a cup of tea and some deep breaths and reminding yourself that you have done nothing wrong here and you can prove it?