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The holiday is a lovely thing to look forward to 
let us know how you get on with your counselling.
Hi kiera, how did today go? Its been great having your eldest around I bet. I hope the dentist went ok and the doctors too.
hi well got to soliciters half hour earlier and woman doin drug testing didnt even turn up,appointment at 3.30, at 3.50 my soliciter wasnt happy she adnt cum , she told me go at 4, i trailed al way there, i went after my meeting with wave,so gota go drug testin 15th august,she better turn up,my heart pounding so much today,think i do need to go to the doctorsx
I think that is dreadful that the person did not turn up. Before you go next week, presumably your solicitor can contact her...did you tell your solicitor you had to come a long way and get child care?
Good idea to have a chat with the doctor, it does sound like anxiety/panic (and no wonder with what you have been through)
hi at kids party yesterday,ended up goin bk to my mates,she drop me bk off at half ten,my little girl enjoyed it at wacky then party,im mayb feeling bk to myself again, relaxed last nyt at mates house,georgous weather today, gona take dog out for long walk, my 10 year old slept out at my mates house,hes friends with er 2 sons,my 14 yr old due bk anytime,he went to a party and slept at his nanas house, and im at mates house tonyt for summat eat, my eldest daughter babysitting,wana forget bout court and soliciters for a few daysx
That sounds like a good plan, kiera and it is nice to know you are doing some enjoyable things and loving the sunshine 
Hi kiera, it is great to hear that you are feeling a little bit back to your old self again, yeehah!!
Remember that you will still have down days, when there are no plans, but on those days, remember these days!
You mentioned in another thread - champagne?! What was that for? Your birthday? I hope you enjoy it, BIG CHEERS FROM ME
And I would just like to add that it is great that you are enjoying The Freedom Programme, has it been good to meet the other women?
hi no it wasnt my birthday i just love champage, i get the offers, half price champagne,yeah i do av down days,trying not to think bout court, avnt even heard of social services or cafcass,bin a month since court,just cant wait to get away with kidsx and it is gud meeting other woman at freedom programme, i av my one to one with woman from wave tomoz,tht wil elp me, and she can do reports to court as well, x
Hi kiera, 'you just love champagne'!! I love it
I can't believe court was a month ago, wow, time flies. It is great that the woman from Wave can do the reports for court, hopefully that will set your mind at ease.
Only 12 days to go til you go away now! How are you getting there? Train? Coach?
hi ad a message on my fone but to scared ring um, in liverpool accent saying from child contact services, do u no wh othey arex bk to feeling on edgexand upsetx
Hi keira, did they not leave a telephone number? If so, give it a call. If not, they can call back again. If you think it is a prank call, then blow it away, it is not worth you worrying about.
I know that you are now feeling back on edge and upset, but hopefully you can get back on top of this more quickly than before. You don't need to let it get to you. You have been having some great few days. You don't deserve to feel bad or down, so please don't
why do i feel so upset and on edge, was just fone call ive bin dreading, why do ifeel like i do then why, its not social serv ices or cafcass so why wud child contact ring, worried they giv ex contact ,surly they wudnt as hearin november and ex as do drug test as well, its not a prank, she left message saying its child contact services,a liverpool accentx
i feel; like this cos i dont want ex to see my little girl,hes thug, x
kiera, you are panicking, you have written the similar posts all over the boards, please try and keep in the same thread. Child contact services could be to do with a contact centre - although this will be issued through court. Or it may be support for children. As I suggest, if you call them, you can find out.
Please just stop a minute and try not to make a crisis out of this situation.
You have an answering machine message and you do not know anything until you call them back. There is nothing that anyone can do at this moment. It will all be fine. Take every day as it comes. This evening you have nothing to worry about except what is for supper.
im sorry, i do panik, cant elp it,xsorryx
Hi kiera
Anna is right, one step at a time.
The thing about your little girl is subject to court so nothing can happen now without court, it may welll just be from someone to ask you to tell everything that has been happening to you, ready for the court. Deep breaths.
Today is a new day and there is lots of potential for having a lovely day with the children. There is also some potential for you to have an awful day, worrying all the time. Which do you choose?
Hi Kiera,
Try and call back that lady today if you can, take a deep breath you can do it x
Hello Kiera. This whole thing must be terrifying for you, but the only way to find out what these people want, is by phoning them. I actually think the worrying is the worse part. Once you find out, then you're more set in your mind. Don't let this call upset another day for you.
Hi kiera, how was your day. Good for you, you noticed that you panic, that is a brilliant start. By recognising it we can then start to control it.
I hope you have bitten the bullet and phoned those people back. Let us know
Hi Kiera,
I hope you are feeling better today. Did you ring the lady back?
hi no ididnt ring bk but they avnt rang bk either, if they ring bk agin i wil ring um bk, at freedom programme thur tina nash was there, she told er story propa for 1st time, really upsettin wot appened to er, camera crew was there, channel 4 , programe called dispatches, not sure wot date,we all hugged er bfore she leftx goin away next sat cant wait,x
Great that you saw Tina.
Wow yes it is your holiday coming up, hurray!! Fingers crossed for some nice weather for you, do you remember when you first started talking to us about your holiday, it seemed so far away and you were so worried about what was to come, and now, you have faced up to all that court business and had your hair strand test done and just a few sleeps now until you go away!!!!!!!
hi yes holiday sat, it as cum quick, packing this week, get results of drug test in couple weeks, but i already no the results, ive ad to send of to 02 regarding txts and fonecalls of ex,ad pay a tenner to do it, so thts dun, yeah was great to see tina, she very brave, the one to one with wave is elping me, woman on holiday for couple weeks so im not goin and freedom pro not on this week, and next week im away, so b begining of sept when start wave and freedom programme,woman at wave basiclly told me how dangerous my ex is, scary to hear it u no, she said tht case where tht woman got murdered by ex outside the hospital where she worked, i followed er case, er ex ad secret life and he followed er and harassed er just like my ex and luk wot he endd up doin, u no im stil on edge when i go out, every car tht goes pass i think its ex,yest a white van pulled up in front of me, i didnt want walk past, my ex ad white van, well it was a man askin for directions, x
Hi kiera
Louise is right, you have come so far since we 'met' you! Well done you! You are a survivor!
Meeting Tina must have been so interesting. It sounds like you are looking forward to getting back to Wave and the Freedom Programme after your hols.
That nervous feeling when you are out is completely normal, but the longer you don't have contact, I can honestly say the feeling does go away. I presume that you have an action plan if you do see him in the street? You DO NOT engage in any conversation with him. You walk away and get into a shop or the nearest place where there are lots of people, even if it means walking up to a strangers door and knocking on it.
I am sooo excited for your holiday - be prepared for some rain though. My brother is getting married on the 25th and the forecast is rain and wind 
and we are going to be in a marquee!!
well he lives miles away, but i no wot u mean, aw rain and wind great, bin awful the weather, yes i am a survivor, never though of it like tht,x
Yes you are a survivor kiera and once we get comfortable moving from a Victim into a Survivor, we can then look into being a Thriver - all in good time. I think you are doing brilliantly
YEY! kiera the survivor, we are soooooo proud of you!
Only three more sleeps till your holiday now!
ad letter off my soliciter sum reason courts av made mistake sayin i live with my little girl in liverpool when i live nowhere nr liverpool, god av they even go ryt family, and court directs tht both parties to attend seperatly parents information programme, wot does tht mean i dont av a clue,wot is a parent information programme, and no way im attendin anythin with ex, i dont av to if i dont want to doi ix
Here is some information that I found out about the Parenting Information Programme, you could try Googling - Parenting Information Programme + your area, to find out more.
What is it?
The Parenting Information Programme is not designed to teach you how to be a good parent but is devised to support you through the process of separation and look at the impact of this through the eyes of your child/children. We understand that this particular time in your life is an emotional roller coaster and occasionally, as adults, we do not always see what effect this process may have on our child/children. PIP seeks to demonstrate what effect this may have and how to proceed more effectively as a family reducing the conflict.
Who will be attending?
Whilst both parents will attend the programme this will be done via separate sessions and you will not be expected to attend the programme with your estranged partner.
I hope this puts your mind at rest. This is for your little girl more than you or your ex.
I am presuming that your solicitor will contact the courts with regards to where you really live?
hi to b honest im scared of eventually avin cafcass in m yhouse ,im scared of post ,im scared of if aver social contact me, im scared of ex getin contact with my little girl, im scared of court againx
hi i do not want to see my ex, espec if ive bin told i go nr him im at risk of losein my kids, i wont b forced to mediate with him wil ixx
thank u very much, yes my soliciter wil contact the courts for mex
so isn it a gud thing the parenting information programme for me to do, court as ordered itx
well the conflict is seriously reduced as im never havin ex back, tht is gud start surleyx
and i will do anythin for my little girl, dont want my little girl to av contact with my little girl, scared judge wil giv him contact even supervised contact, hes violent man, mayb i shud move so my ex doesnt no where i livex
If the court orders that you got to the programme then you will have to go. Hopefully once the solicitor tells them your real address, you will be put on a programme near to you.
hi yes i want to go but i dont want ex anywhere nr mex
Well the court letter says SEPARATELY so that is what it should be.
hi well went to doctors today, waited an hour to see him, he gave me low dose tablets, i explianed my situation and the anxiety, i got upset in front of him, and he recomend pyscotherapy as well, i answered su question he asked me, i av moderate anxiety, he said im not surprised ur like u are, bin busy most of day,im away tomoz, not even packed, not ad chance, gona pack when my little girl in bedx
and to top it off my little girl got cold and feels really hot , typical day bfroe we go away, and i went chemist and got travel tablets for my little girl, she suffers bad with it, even on short journeys,x
Hope you have a lovely holiday, kiera, are you taking some Calpol or similar with you just in case?
Have a lovely time kiera. My youngest gets terrible travel sickness too, she gets it from me I think!! As louise suggested take plenty of calpol!
ho yes il take calpol; with me, manage get tablets for my little girl for travel sickness, well they are like fruit pastilles. ahe as half . bfore we go, im not gona start take tablets doctor gave me ofr anxiety til i get bk, cant believe i went to doctors really,
It sounds like going to see the dr was a positive step, especially as he ackowledged that its not surprising you're feeling anxious at the moment. I suffer with anxiety and have been taking medication for a while now, it really helps me stay calm. I used to find that when I felt anxious, I couldn't cope with the feelings of anxiety, which made me more anxious....and the cycle continued. Now I'm still aware that I am anxious about something, but am not crippled by the horrible feelings I used to get. It makes it easier to cope. I'm not sure I explained that very well, I hope you understand what I mean.
Have a lovely holiday.
hi i understand hun, im glad i went, doctor did understand , im on low dose and i av to go bk doctors in 2 week, bit scared to take um but i got to, mean wil i b sick or anythin, x
thanks alot, not even finished packing, all kids av ad baths, my little girl ad haircut today, boys avin their hair cut tomoz,got iron yet, got so much to do, tomoz take our dog to my daughters mate who is watchin er, save me alot of money in the kennelsx
Hope you are having a brilliant holiday kiera and you enjoy some space from all that is going on, the weather has been changeable here, but there has definitely been some sunshine.
Looking forward to hearing all about it
hi anna boys gon beach today with nana, and its really sunny, my elder daughter on way fromer dads to watch my little girl as i av one to one counselling thru wave, and plus drug test lata,great,got b dun tho,just cant wait to get away on holiday,my heart pounding so much, feel so stressed out with everythin, avnt heard fromss or cafcass,so fed up todayx