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I have been in two absusive relationships, kiera. One was sexually abusive, and I found it really hard to accept that that had been the case. I finished the relationship for other reasons and only realised about the abuse later, that is quite common I believe. You are finding it hard to believe that you have been in an abusive relationship too, because you say that you have not behaved perfectly. None of us is perfect but none of us deserve to be treated like that!
The second time was more emotional abuse. I am a very strong person but it knocked me for six, emotionally.
Like me, and the others that have posted, you CAN move forward but only you can take those first steps 
hi well avnt seen my ex for 2 wks today,we stil txt,but he saying e is in midle of geting anova job that wont take him on long journeys as e works for himself,like i never believe him,all the times he as been arested and never come home wel soe says ive stil never seen any proof,im gutted as i realy wanted us to work,thts why kept trying,i tell him til im blue in face why we wont work but he dont seem to hear me or understand at all,e never will,e says we vare perfect til i go in a mood,but thts cos of him,yes we are good when we do get on,but it never lastsxit as drained me way we are,tiring,im down cos of it
hi could u answer sumet for me, my ex as ad sex with me while im asleep twice,ive woke up to him avin sex with me,e said e woke up horny, is tht normal
Hi keira, there is not really a definition of "normal", it is what you personally feel is acceptable, when it comes to sex. Maybe you could start a list of things for yourself, of things he has done which you do not find acceptable, in whatever way whether sexual or emotional or physical, and then have a look and decide whether that is the sort of person you want to be with?
things he as said and done i do not find acceptable and i doubt normal decent person would, avnt seen him for 2 weeks,if we ad bin aprt a year he would stil say we are together
Keira what is it you would actually like to happen?
You have descibed some of the things your ex has done to you and everyone has told you it is abuse.
You feel on edge because he has made you feel like that, which is why a refuge has been suggested in order to give you space to sort your head out.
What is stopping you from getting some help?
hi its just not that easy to go in a refuge,i av 3 kids, taking um out of school, im scared to, then i think why hell should i move,not tht easy to up and leave,my nice home,would i stil b able to come back to my home,not givin it up,im in council house
I can't answer that specifically, Women's Aid can answer your question, kiera.
But you don't "have to" go into a refuge. You can access outreach support and ask them to help you put things in place to move on from this relationship and obtain an injunction if needs be, to keep him away.
So if you do not have to go into a refuge, is there anything else that is stopping you seeking help?
Have you spoken to Women's Aid?
Have you asked the council if you can be moved to get away from an abusive relationship? If they did move you though, you should not tell him where you live or things will continue.
Leaving is so hard, I know. It could be that going to a refuge is the only way that you can get away from this relationship. You ask why you should move - but it is a case of do you want to get away from him and have a new start or not.
The children will have to deal with things - and so long as you are strong in front of them, they'll deal with it ok.
Personally, getting a new sim card with stop the texting circle. I had a seperate phone for me ex, or you can swap sims once a week to see if he has any queries regarding the children. He has no reason to ask about you and you no reason to ask about him once you split up.
Baby steps will get you there.
hi i av thought about moveing but i cant,my parents not well at all,they need me around,dad had a brain hemorage and a stroke,mum ended up in hospital thru anxiety with mi dad,i am copeing on my own use to it,i av been blanking my ex,he keeps txting saying im not being fair etc,he is staying away at the moment,
Hi keira, have you looked at the Freedom Programme that Anna suggested that you look at? i think that you may find it helpful if you haven't already.
Have you spoken with anyone else about what is going on and how you are feeling?
You are not being a pain kiera, all this questioning is normal.
Please remember that abusive partners spend half their time trying to make us question ourselves, it keeps us unsteady and reliant on them.
I am presuming you keep him away after something horrible happens and then when he starts being nice or goes quiet, you contact him then? Sometimes we feel lonely and miss our abusers, this is normal, so we contact them to feel comforted. I think we also want them to see the error of their ways so keep looking in on them, but get sucked in.
YOU are in CONTROL of your life and what you do with it. When you feel down or lonely call the Samaritans and tell them how you feel rather than him - 08457 90 90 90.
Why do you think you keep going back to him?
hi i dont no,what do u make of this,ex cum down today,avnt seen him for 3 wks,we went watching my son play football,wel ex sugested go back myn to change babys nappy,we av 18 month old dawter,well hour lata he picked us up,e was quiet,i asked what was up, esaid just thinking,we got in my ouse e said i think ur lieing to me,i said what,why ,he said tel u later,we after half hour e ad gon thru my fone and written 2 numbers down and askin why so many witheld on my fone,i dont even no he called me a lieing cheat and inb front of my son,he ad gon all my txts,askin who chris was,and how he was goin to ring him,i said i didnt av to expalin anything to him,told him get out,he as bin txting prove to me u avnt cheated by leting me move back in,and if i didnt let him move back in then i am a liar and cheat,i said if im such cheat and liar then leave me alone then,3 hours later he stil goin on bout ringing them numbers,i said god avnt u rang um yet, told him leave me alone,and aint being with sum1 who goes thru my fone,and cant even trust him in my house mean its not ryt isit
Hi kiera no it's not right. Your phone is your own business.
Anna asked you if you could figure out why you keep going back to him, you said you didn't know, could you think of three reasons that it MIGHT be?
After an incident with my ex which left me very shaken, my brother told me to treat my home as if it was in a bubble (like in the animated film The Incredibiles).
Ex was not to enter that bubble as its a shield. If he did I was to call the police... Ex never crossed it. I only experienced emotional abuse.
Your home is your space. Unless he has a right to enter (name on deeds or lease) then please keep him out.
He is your ex he has no right to be checking through anything of yours. I'm sure if your daughter had needed changing then this could have been out and about with a changing bag...
Be strong.
hi i think its cos i wanted the relationship to work so much,i realy did,we are always on and off,ex says we are his life and he loves us all so much then when im right i say ok lets start afresh,then he strts with emotional blackmail,im confused would he not say ok start afresh,so then we are back to square one,he is nice bfore he comes my house then e starts when is in my house,then i feel like i really hate him again,sick of it,never endsx
It sounds like you are going round in circles, kiera, poor you. The circle will not be broken until you say no, I am not coming back to you this time.
why does ex do tht though,he as said he as viewed a house on same road as me,so e can watch for over men cuming and going,doubt he as esays it so im on edge,all empty threats, all he does,he nos when me and kids are going away,he says he will turn up at airport ,i took his name off our holiday and put my 18 year old daughter on it instead,its just all threats al;l time,im worn down by it,really am,he even txted me telling me my back door is open, so i closed it,and its warm,he as followed me twice bfore,and makes out he is watchin my ouse convinced men coming in,it never ends,i am going round in circles
I think the circles is the right word.
I don't know why he does it, don't try to understand, just think about breaking that circle!
kiera, he does it........ because he can......... you keep letting him. Simple but true. As Louise says, don't try and understand it. You know you don't like this kind of behaviour, it is not for you and your family. You are better than that. Your ex says that he loves you, but his behaviour is not loving.
Next time he is nice to you, be on alert, he is planning something. You KNOW the 'nice' never lasts for very long.
Do not let him back into your home. I know it is hard to say No to him, but now is the time to start being Assertive. Have you seen our article Saying No and being heard? You might find some useful tips there.
It seems as though even though you and your ex have split up he is still very much controlling your life. Is there one thing that you could do that would make you feel better? Get another sim card, so you only need to check your current one every couple of days?
When are you going on holiday? Please promise me that whilst you are away, you leave your phone behind or switched off, otherwise you will not get a break at all. You must not let him control your emotions, feelings whilst you are trying to spend quality time with your family. That is just not fair.
hi thank you for replyin,i do no what u are saying,i dont like his behaviour and ur right it isnt for me and my family, i av been brought up good,if my mum and dad knew half of what ex as said and done they would be disgusted,when they found out bout ex assaulting me on holiday thats why they hate him,yet ex says god they shouldnt hold a grudge and get over it,thats his mentality,i av been blanking him,he finds all sorts excuses to txt me,like ikl come and do ur garden,or he be down soon so stop being pathetic,im scared of ex reaction when i totally blank him,il actualy be scared going to airport in case he be there,e said he make sure i wont get on plane,i no they are empty threats but i get knot in my stomach and i get anxious,
i av my fone on silent all time,i avnt been replying,not going away til august, i took his name off holiday my 18 year old daughter cuming instead tht why he not happy,she hates him,he was saying her and smirking,he wont say er name and he does it to hurt me,and it does,i no i av get rid of him,been going on 2 half years now,wish he would disapearx
Hi kiera, I have deleted your other post as I can talk to here on this one and it will be easier to keep our conversation all in one place!
kiera, do you keep a record of all the texts and phone calls? If not, I would suggest that you buy a notebook and write down the time and date every time he contacts you and what is said.
If you do not want to be in touch with him, then he is now harrassing you.
I remember that knot in my stomach just at the thought of my ex carrying out any of his threats. Its really horrible.
Your parents are right to hold a grudge, I would if this was happening to my daughter. You are absolutely right to keep blanking him. I know that it is scary because you don't know what he will do next, but if he does come down, you CALL THE POLICE KIERA.
He might come down on a good buzz or might be down to cause trouble either way, if you don't want to see him, you have a legal right not to.
Any more thoughts on contacting the Domestic Abuse Unit at the Police or Womens Aid again?
hi i wont call police,i av 2 many times,got 2 harassment order out on him,e was on bail,i dont want police at my door again,i cant c ex just going away tho,ur rite i dont no wot he wil do next,he as rang 3 times today,ignored him,i dont no wot do realyy,keep hopeing e will leave me alone,but doubt itx
kiera, I understand your fear of contacting the police, but that is their job to protect you and essentially your children from seeing his vile behaviour.
I have had harassment orders out too and no they don't necessarily work, but they do send a message to your ex that you are not prepared to lie down and take it any more.
I know that you hope that he will just disappear, but that is not going to happen until you step up and start using all the professional help you can get. I know it is hard, I have been there, but I very much doubt you can deal with this on your own.
Do you know his family? How are your children? I am thinking that while he is trying to call you, you get uptight, this then affects your children too.
hi i dont no any of his family,never met um,thts what police found strange,thts why i will never let him av our daughter cos dont no where he would take er,and point is i txt ex 1st when i av got harasment orders out on him,so il b 2 embarrassed call police,i wont,feel like im stuck, sumtimes i feel its easier to b with him than go thru all this when i end it with him for the milllionth time,how was ur relationship,was it all emotional,i seem to pick the no marksx
Hi kiera, you ask how my relationship was....well.....I escaped to a womens refuge in London when I was 6 months pregnant after my ex tried to kick my baby out of me (his words). After a couple of days of being there I contacted him and told him where I was (which was not allowed) and we met up. 
On many occasions I was the one to contact my ex first, so I get where you are coming from.
Did you know that on average, it takes a woman to be assaulted 35 times before she calls the police? And did you know that 98% of domestic violence charges are dropped by the victim before the case gets to court?
If you did decide that being with your ex is easier, then I suspect you may find that Social Services would turn up at your door as it is not a healthy environment for your children to live in, so that is something to consider.
Only you can make the choice to reach out to the Police and ask for help with this situation.
hi wont b contacting poice,just gona blank ex c what happens,ex seems think we are perfect together dont no what planet he is on,just sick being on my own,ive ad 3 bad relationships,and really wanted this one 2 work,we av 19 month old daughter 2gether,thts why kept trying,ex as got this new job so he is at ome more with us,e starts may,e said no point taking it if we aint being together,
i was classed as high risk and marac and ad alarms and new locks and light outside,.then i txt him, so what was point in all that,i do txt him 1st,then it starts all over again,ive been thinking over and over and little things pop in my head what my ex as done,like e turned up at supermarket called me slag over carpark,infront our daughter,demanded i get in jeep or else and i didnt want to make an enemy of him, all cos i wasnt at home,i ad just took my son to school.to me thts so disrespectful,ex just says god tht was ages ago yet it stays with me,all little things he as said and done add up,ur rite to me its disgusting behaviour,yet why hell do i keep contactin him,always scared of his reaction when i blank him totally,even when he txtx im cuming down soon anyway put me on edge,maybe im not strong enough
Hi kiera, maybe that is on of the keys to understanding it all, working out why you do text him? is it because no matter how badly he has behaved, when you part, you feel as if you are left with nothing and nobody?
hi well aint scared being onm my own as im use to it,so tht doesnt bover me,u no wot i cant think why i txt him,i do not av an answer,mayb cos when it is good it is good,but never last long,after what ex did to me on holiday after e eassaulted me god that should of been enough to never have him back,mayb i feel i dont deserve be happy as ive never had a happy relationship,so why should i have one now,thts how i think mayb thts why i keep txtin him first,
Ok, you are saying that you think a "bad" relationship is what you deserve anyway? I am not surprised if this is what you do think, after being in several bad ones and the other thing is that an abusive relationship can affect your confidence so much that you can come to think that way in your heart (even though in your HEAD you know that you do deserve better)
its like when i feel happy its like i shudnt b so i get all moody,i av been in 3 bad failed relationships,this is my 4th,i no what my ex does isnt rite,and what he says is vile,i no this,yet when it is good it is really good,wish it was like tht all time,i no it wont be,.i keep takin him back hopeing it ed obe better,even tho even tho every time he does sumat that piss me off i get so angry with him and i say 100 per cent i aint avin him backapear,the then when i av calmed down i contact him,my mates prob piss pissed off with me keep goin back 2 him,wish he would disapear then easier on me,i tell him let me go but not a chance he says
Morning kiera, it sounds as if you are really understanding the pattern of things all of a sudden, well I suppose one way you could describe it is a vicious circle. Anna will be writing a post to you later; she has a lot of experience of helping women in your situation. It's about one step at a time. You have already taken LOTS of steps though. When you first started posting you were wondering whether it was abuse or not, now it sounds as if you realise that it IS, and have been thinking about your own feelings in the situation, and your feelings about yourself that make you contact him.
Hi kiera, I am so glad that you keep posting messages to us, we will help you to get through this and it really sounds as though you want to.
It is very common for us to keep going back to an abusive partner, so please don't beat yourself up over that.
When you feel so scared of a person that you feel like you want to pee your pants, then things are really bad...but it is completely natural for a person to want to work it out with them so they feel safe again.
No-one is all bad, you have had some good times together I'm sure, but although the good times feel really good, the bad times are really bad. In a good relationship you don't experience those massive highs and lows, everything should be more balanced. Unfortunately these crazy highs and lows can become quite addictive, so extra help is needed to overcome them.
I think sometimes when we feel a bit stronger and maybe a bit wiser, we suddenly think, oh I get it now, I will talk to him and he will understand too and everything will work itself out.
However, you have said in quite a few of your posts that whenever you have tried to raise the problems with your relationship, your partner ALWAYS slates it, tells you you are wrong, lying, over reacting etc etc.
When I work with women on the Freedom Programme we always tell them not to mention any of your learning to your partner as they will use it against you.
He wants to control you and keep you in the box that he has created for you, therefore he will never turn around and apologise for his behaviour, he will always blame you.
When you went to Womens Aid you were classed as high risk - does this tell you anything? I have a friend in a very similar situation to you at the moment and I am really aware that she doesn't really believe it is as serious as it it. I am also aware that she could phone 'her guy' at any given moment. The hard thing is staying strong and recognise your weak moments or triggers that get you picking up the phone. What are yours?
Is it when the kids are in bed and you feel lonely?
Is it when you are feeling stressed and want to talk to someone?
Is it when your baby has done something funny, clever, new and you want to share it?
Something else?
hi its like 3 weeks ago ex came down started ok til he started going on bout holiday and bringing my 18 year old daughter into it,saying her repeating it and smirking saying cant wait see her face when u tell her im coming away,he said it to upset memi told him to leave he refused,he said im finish my drink smirking,and i went upstairs taking deep breaths,i new he would come upstairs, and he did,talking loud so my 2 sons can hear,i hate him and think why hell do i have him in my house,he started it callin my daughter yet he twists it round callin me childish cos ive come upstairs hiding,he said we should go away as afamily yet why dont he realise what he as done to my family,its what he did to me in tenerife,he assaulted me bad,he dont av a clue that when he calls my daughter i hate him,like he forgets bout it but i never do,he dont av a clue im still angry bout all vile thingsa he as done to me and said to me over 2 years,deep down i no we are never gona work so why hell do i give him time of day,ex says if i wasnt so moody we would b perfect,he actually believes it,my 14 yr old son wont come downstairs if ex is there,and i dont blame him,yet ex says e will come round,but its sons home i dont want him upstairs,why should he,then ex says my 18 yearold and son run my life and i should tell um whose boss meanin me,my 14 yearol d son is a great lad, in my heart i should get rid of ex and put kids 1st, its hard tho,im use to being on my own so its not tht,yeah sometimes im lonely, cos meand kids and i crave adult company at night,who wouldnt, ex is ere imon edge,and dont 4get last week ex went thru my fone callin me cheating liar in front my boys and yet agin i told him to go,he did, im sick of ups and downs all time,im so down,ex doesnt see it at ll,all he says is we are perfect when im ryt but i cant be ryt when he behaves way he does,so what do i do,x
Hi kiera, how are you this morning?
So it sounds as if this man puts all the blame on you for things that go wrong between you and the atmosphere is really difficult for your two boys, especially your 14 year old. It's a really hard age for him and he needs you to be there for him, kiera.
Anna asked you about what you think triggers you to contact him, and it sounds as if that's something you are still figuring out, but you know that part of it is that you get fedup and want some adult company, does that sound right?
Hi kiera. Have just been reading through your posts. Really sorry you're going through this. Years ago, I was in an abusive/mental relationship, so I know how hard it is to get out of one. Thankfully I didn't have my son then!! I used to finish it, go back, finish it, go back. It was like you say going round in circles. I always hoped he'd change, but of course, even with the promises, he didn't. Eventually, six weeks before our 'wedding', I finished it, realising I couldn't go through with it. However even after that, we still did have contact.
You have children to think of and to protect, so every time you think about texting him or something, just stop for a minute, go through everything he has done, said etc, and stop yourself from texting. Easier said than done I know, but I'm sure you know this relationship is not going anywhere. You are worth so much more than him. Keep ignoring his texts. Yes, he'll probably get angry, but he'll also see that it's not getting him anywhere, and hopefully he'll get the message. With you contacting him, you're also sending him mixed messages, which is why maybe he feels that he can text you whenever he wants.
I hope you have a peaceful Easter weekend.
hi well bit on edge with ex,cos im blanking him hes resorting to usual threats,saying il b sorry when he drags me thru court, waitin for usual more thretas how our daughter wil hate me and he cant wait for when she older to go live with him,al the usual,and no1 will want me with 3 kids,and he starts bringing my 18 year old dawter into it,then he will txt all nice sayin please give me a chance bla bla,,yeah i do get fed up,always just me and kids,my 18 month old very demandin,not ad alot sleep,she ad me up in night again,i see my mate sumtimes but she as 4 kids and her own life to lead,and my mum and dad not well then got ex giving me grief,im just not happy
Could your 18 year old daughter take the 18 month old for a few hours, so you can re-charge your batteries kiera?
Keep on blanking your ex, remember to keep the text messages though, and not delete them. Your daughter won't hate you when she's older. She'll make her own mind up about her dad. There are plenty of men out there that don't mind taking on a family, so don't pay attention to that either.
my ex as even accused me of going with my own daughter,sayin its weird mum and daughter in same bed,he as acussed me of going with my own mate,she as been there for me when he lets me down,ive been thinking of all the vile things he as said over 2 half years,and its wrong and disgusting,relly i think ex is vile man and disrespectful yet why would i stil txt him or see him,i dont see him for weeks sometimes yet he stil as control over me,i do think bout refuge miles away near beach and start agin,scared to thox
It's always scary to move on, so I fully understand that. If you moved though, you wouldn't be near your own family, ie mum and dad. Could you not put in for a transfer with the council? They could maybe house somewhere, not too far away from your parents but far enough away from him. When you say you don't see him for weeks sometimes, how then does he still have control over you? You're the only one that can put a stop to his behaviour, by simply not texting and not seeing him. Supervised visits could be arranged for your daughter, and you wouldn't have to see him at all. This is also something worth thinking about, and puts you then in control.
hi well im blanking him,he turning nasty sain he drag me thru court which he been saying for months,stil waiting and tables will turn around wait and see,,and im evil and he cant wait til k older and she goes lives with him,i no its rubbish,soon he txt nice same pattern,he thinks cos i say i dont want him im slag and i want meet over men,last thing il b doing,he turned up today and left pair new trainers on my doorstep,pity wernt nappies etc,he txt why was my curtains closed which means im up2 summat,god it was early, how his mind works,plus i dont really av sum1 talk to personaly,sumone in my position,is it possible u give ur friend who going tru same my email or my fone number,
Hello kiera
Sorry we can't pass on any personal details, not even with the consent of the people involved. In any case, I think it is better for you to talk with someone NOT going through the same thing, it is hard to support each other when you have your own problems. Better to get support from someone who can help you without wanting anything back So you can always phone someone like the Samaritans just to get things off your chest 08457 909090 and of course we are here for you to say things to.
You know that the court threat is a pretty empty one, don't you?
Hazeleyes has given you some really good things to think about too.
Hope you have a better day.
hi im ok.what im confused bout and please tell me what my ex is doing is mind games,he says he loves us so much and wants b afamily then when i txt ok he goes funny and says oh so u want b afamily now why whats happened,and u expect me jump,thts what he txt, im so confused by this ,he does it all time,then i get angry with him again and tell him leave me alone and stay away,then he txt aw babe please plaease let me come and see u all,now u tell me isnt that confusing,im not imaginin it,is it mind games,or il txt ok come and see us then he dont reply for hours,then im angry again so back to square one,happened loads of times,no wonder im stressed out and anxious,please tell me its not me,its my ex playing games,why does he do that,,he rang quite few times last night, house fone and my mobile,txting please lets be afmily,it does stress me out when he txt and ring,kids must pick up on it,when i donmt hear from him im alot calmer,he txt today happy easter i should be there with u all, told him i dont want see him again,he lives miles away yet im stil on edge cos of what he as done in past like followed me waited for me down road etc,its all vicious circle and im tired of it,i no we are going nowhere yet he insist we are perfect when im ryt.nbut i cant be ryt with him cos everything that has happened, please replyx
Hi kiera
We are always here for you. Yes, what he is doing is mind games! it is not you getting mixed up or misunderstanding. He tries to reel you in and the minute he thinks you are listening to him, he goes all cold on you; this is cruel behaviour. Please believe me that it is him, not you!!!
well ex let me down 23rd december,he was meant to pick me and our dawter up 23rd december,he txted after dinner time he wasnt coming and let me no how it feels to be let down and to have fun in the rain,he was taking our dawter to see santa,he let her down as well,he txt he was taking his kids out and spoiling um,i couldnt believe it,i cried my eyes out,he knew we was waiting,how could he do that,my mate had to come and pick me up and do my exmas shopping,i ad knot in my stomach,i hated him,well day after he txt e was sorry but but he was angry at me for not letting him at mine,he even let his dawter down to see santa,i threw my sim away and got new number i was that angry,he left bunch roses on my doorstep left a long letter begging my forgivness,he said he let me down cos he wanted to ruin my day and he shouldnt let his dawter down and he didnt think,what do u make of it,got police involved got harasment order on him,he stil kept harassing me he got aressted,he got bailed,then my dad had brain hemorage and astroke,he nearly died,i told police drop harasment thing as my dad more important,didnt see ex month and half,then i txt him,ex ringing witheld all time tho police said they couldnt prove it was ex ringing,so iwont ring police again,
Kiera, why don't you change your house number, and get another sim card? Like Louise says, he is definately playing mind games. You said yourself it is stressing you out, and the children notice. This isn't fair on them as it will affect them too. They don't want to see their mum like this. If your 18 year old daughter was with a man like this, what would you be telling her? I'm sure it would be 'get rid, you're worth more than that'. The same applies to you doesn't it? This man can see his daughter at a contact centre, you wouldn't have to see him. Change your numbers, and if he still turns up or anything, contact the police. Tell them what you have done regarding numbers, contact with daughter, so they will clearly see that you don't want this man near you, and I'm sure they will act on it.
What are your plans for today?
kiera, you are being played.
He is playing games with you and you are letting him.
Do not believe ANYTHING he says - that he wants you to be a family OR that you are a slag etc.
This isn't love. This is a hatred of women and you are being foolish believing it to be otherwise.
You need to step up now. You know what is going on, you know that if he texts with 'loving' words, they are not for real or long lasting. Just stop this right now. Only you can do it.
On this forum, the police and Womens Aid have all told you that this is very abusive, risky behaviour. You are scared of moving forward, but it will be ok, you will be supported, but YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO ASK FOR HELP. No one will come in and save you.
You know all the answers, but he has a hold on you - you are just scared to move forward and that is understandable, but you have to grow a pair of balls and take the bull by the horns. You can't keep living like this nor can your children.
Are you still blanking him?
have u got out of an abusive relationshipx