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hi thank u for replying,yes i am ignoiring him,only thing i can do,he hasnt txt or rang since yesterday morning he said if i dont take him back after wkend then that wil be it and i will be athing of the past and he will hate me,he as said before that i dont want to make an enemy of him and to watch my back,then of course afterwards he says he was just angry and i should no that i never mean it,all just empty threats but 1 percent still gets bit worried bout what he will do,all his threats i now no is just to keep me on edge and in fear even tho he lives miles away,ive even bin to on edge to open door for my takeaway,i havnt left the house incase he jumps out,has he as followed me before and parked his car down road then waited in my garden for me,as i have ignored him,x
hi did uget my replyx
Hi kiera, well done for keeping up ignoring him.
I am glad you had a nice day with your family. Living on edge is just soo horrible, I remember it well, I used to barricade the front door with an old cupboard and chairs for about 4 months after me and ex were final.
This will pass, you just have to stay strong and know that he will text you loving messages and mean ones over the next few weeks, he will try anything to get you to respond. WHATEVER he texts, just don't respond, even if you really want to have a go at him.
What are you up to today?
hi well my 18 year old daughter come to visit agian as she goin back to uni thursday til may,feel guilty as ex cleared out her bedroom,he hates that we have a relationship,he called her awful names,so didrespectful,its disgusting,when he angry with me he calls her,and he throws at me oh even ur daughter as moved her dads cos im shit mum,even though it was him that threw her bed out,what sort man would call their partner daughter like that,she hates him cos of him seriously assaulting me on holiday,dont blame her,ex says god it was 2half years ago get over it,i shouldnt be with a man like that, i need get rid of him,i am scared of his reaction when he realizes it is over,i dont want see him,
hi well my 18 year old daughter come to visit agian as she goin back to uni thursday til may,feel guilty as ex cleared out her bedroom,he hates that we have a relationship,he called her awful names,so didrespectful,its disgusting,when he angry with me he calls her,and he throws at me oh even ur daughter as moved her dads cos im shit mum,even though it was him that threw her bed out,what sort man would call their partner daughter like that,she hates him cos of him seriously assaulting me on holiday,dont blame her,ex says god it was 2half years ago get over it,i shouldnt be with a man like that, i need get rid of him,i am scared of his reaction when he realizes it is over,i dont want see him,
kiera, you don't have to see him.
Can you and your daughter sort her room out again so that she can sleep somewhere? How is she? Is she looking forward to going back to Uni?
hi yeah she looking forward to going back,i miss her tho,well my 18 month old daughter having er room now,,my 18 year old slleps in my bed,ex always says that its wierd we sl;eep in same bed ,he as even accused me of going with my own daughter, hes disgustingx
Yes that is a ridiculous thing to say and not coming from a place of caring or love, just sheer nastiness.
i no,when i look back over 2 half years we been together,of all nasty comments he as said and done it is vile, how many times he as let me down,how ive never met his family,strange,last time he gotarested he said police has said that its me that is a bunny boiler ME,and if i comtact police again they will no its me with the problem,he as even threatened ring council to say im over crowding as my daughter staing there,how bad is that,
when its to quiet im on edge,ex wil contact me tomoz,ignore him,he said not a chance he will let me take his daughter on holiday for 2 wks,could he stop me,he txt roll on august ha,
Hi keira, it is common for an abuser to tell the police that it is us, do not let that stop you from contacting them ever. They are wise to the tricks of these men.
I understand that when you are in contact with him, at least you know how the land lies, where he is at, however if you choose not to talk/txt him, then if he does show up you will deal with it by calling the police or womens aid.
He is full of threats, he has previously given permission to let you take your daughter on holiday, the only way he could stop it was for him to go to a solicitor and go down the legal route.
You could email our legal advisor and find out more click on Legal Expert to ask them a question about it.
thank you for replying,he has txt this morning saying so this is it then,and ive ruined a good thing,he as more like,ive ignored him
Hey kiera, well done for not taking the bait. Good for you! I know it is going to be hard, can you now turn the phone off?
Because he hasn't got a response from you, he will probably raise the ante as the evening goes on.
You are absolutely right, you have definitely NOT ruined a good thing. Anything that was good, he spat on. Be brave, this is going to be tough, but you can do it, we are right here for you.
I know that it would be easier to respond to him, but stay strong.
If you feel like you want to text him or you need to talk at any time call the Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 instead.
We are all here for you and when you feel low imagine us all standing around with you supporting you. 
hi well he as txt al night,he as just txt if there is sum1 else he will find out,he always thinks cos i say its over that there anover man involved, it dont enter his head thats its him that the problem,like i got time to mess around,plus last thing i want,ive turned my fone off,
he also txt if im not careful i will lose everything and im selfish for not wanting us to be a family,do u no how many chances he as had, makes me wound up wish it didnt,he didnt love us when he let us down alot of times,and hes sure im upto sumat with whoever,and he will find out i promise u that,tht what he txt, mean to acuse me of going with my own daughter and my own mate cos he said i seem to be spending alot of time with her,he as called my daughter slag just like her mum,just vile,really hurts me thinking bout what he said,he use smirk when he said it,i av enuf worry bout wuth my family,my dad ad brain hemorage and stroke in january,he nearly died,dad recovering but he really down so i dont need all this with ex,really dontx
Hi kiera
How are you doing today? You have done a brilliant job in continuing to ignore him, please continue to do so. Imagine yourself wearing a really tough suit of armour!!! he will come out with all sorts of threats to try to rattle you. What do you think could be your next move?
Hey kiera, WELL DONE YOU!!
I think you are doing a brilliant job. 
He is coming up with all the classics - that you are selfish - that you are with someone else etc etc, he will say anything to try and make you crack.
Hold it down kiera, you can do it!
There will shortly come a text or phone call where you really want to respond either because its not true, or because it hurts or because he is blaming you. DO NOT RESPOND. If you do he will have won. Lets see how crazy his accusations will become. 
Try not to take them personally, he realises that you might be moving away from him emotionally and he will use all the tactics he can to draw you back in.
Have you turned your phone back on? Have you heard any more from him?
hi he as txt how are we all,hope kids are ok and he wished i wasnt being like is as we are so perfect when he is at home with us all, we have never been perfect but he always says we are, he is on another planet, my 18 month old daughter as hayfever today,her eyes quite bad,so have enuf to deal with today,take her doctors tomoz,ex dont av clue, i have 3 kids at home to look after and house to run, and all ex goes on bout is me aving men in my house and he will find out etc, all usual crap,now i think if u want to think that then think it i av enuf to worry bout
Hi keira, you certainly do have enough to worry about, you poor little one, is she being very grouchy with it? Is she scratching her eyes? Hayfever is so horrible, especially for such young children.
So at the moment, your ex is trying the 'Lets be nice' tactic and trying to reason with you. Have you text him back? Or are you holding it down??
Good luck at the doctors tomorrow, I hope they can give you something to help with the hayfever. Do any of your other children get hayfever?
We are with you, keira
hi i txt ex,why did i, he txt fine upto late wed night,he started new job that he said he got for the family so he be with us more yet not one txt at all yesterday,all same feeling scome back when i never heard off him or he never come back all night,and now i hate mysaelf,yet again i sent txt to him saying dont contact me again if u cant even send one txt and cant wait to see what excuse he comes up with next,ive heard all sorts,just same old shit,and i no we are never gona work,going round in circles,why do i put myself thru it why
kiera, its fine.
We all take 2 steps forward one step back. He is also showing you his true colours once again. As soon as he believes that he 'has' you again, he misbehaves.
Don't wait to see what excuses he comes up with, you have probably heard them all by now!!
You keep putting yourself through this and going round and round in circles because you want to believe that it can work. The realisation is coming though and I believe in you.
You will make the right choices. Its a bit like giving up smoking! Just go back to blanking him again, don't buy into anything he says, you are worth more than this and your brain can only handle so much of it.
Stay strong girl, you can do it.
hi im so on edge again,ex non stop txting and ringing,hes now parked outside,he txts i can see u moving around in front room, beging for me let him in, sayin if i even think bout ringing police they no im silly cos ive rang um to many times,god hate him,he just tx he will be nearer than u think in august, he means myn and kids holiday,e said he will turn up at airport,myt av change date again, im so stressed out again,heart pounding,then he txt hope we are all ok,wierdo hes warning me hes not going anywhere im keeping txtx,hes txtingall that cos he angry im not letting him in
Hello kiera
How are you this morning? Did he finally give up last night?
Anna is right, it is a bit like giving up smoking, we have a few slips along the way before we get there, so don't be cross with yourself for having texted him.
Deep breaths.....you will do this in the end and we are here to hold you hand while you go through it all.
hi exwent in end i went bed,stil anxious,dreading my holiday in case he turns up at airport or my house,he knows where we are goin, i no he says il be nearer than u think in august to make me on edge,but its awful, its myn and kids holiday i aint letin him ruin it.my 18 year old dawter wil tell him what for if he comes near,he as sent long txt this morning, ayin same old crap, i hate it when he puts love u xx on end of txt,hate it, myt go down soliciter route, as im not ringin police,what do u think, il keep all txtx,and ansafone messages, could i av advice please
Yes a solicitor would be another option. You have done the right thing in keeping the texts.
You can find a solicitor here (click) I would say that the box to tick would be Family Law
Try not to worry too much about the holiday, it is not until August and you may well have got an injunction against him by then, one step at a time kiera.
Be proud of how far you have come already, you are getting there slowly but surely
but texts are not enough to get an injunction on him,what do i need to have happeded to get an injunction,
I don't know the answer to that, kiera, please email our Legal Expert, or ask your solicitor. It's great that you are finding out all this information,
hi i av asked the question to legal expert,think i need alot of evidence for an in junction ,wait and see.keeping all texts,i no hes not goin to go away,wish he would tho,even when he was on bail he kept contactin me,he kept ringing off witheld,police said they couldnt prove it was him,so what was point,even when ex kept ringing when police was in my house i said should i answerbit they said no, dont want ring police at all,
so anxious again, ex dont txt all afternoon and im relaxed and on que he txt me, he hates the thought of me goin out wuth my mates,which i hardly do, he followed me last time,he txt take it ur blanking me means ur upto summat, im comeing down c u soon, so im on edge again, i txt stay away and he txt no, then he said a ridiculous thing, he txt i wouldnt have his daughter if it wasnt for him, god i hate him, he as txt do i want anythin from shop even tho told him stay away, im on edge to even open back door and bring washing in, i get all stressed and kids do notice,even when he was on bail for harassing me that didnt stop him ringing me all time witheld,so what do i do, im so alone,see what thjis soliciter says ive ask question to legal expert,
Hi kiera. How are you doing tonight? Stop him ringing by changing your number. That is something that you've got control over at least. As for the holiday, you've changed the date haven't you? If yes, then he won't turn up the same time as you. I know it's hard, but keep on ignoring the texts (get another sim card), close the curtains at night, so if he's outside, he cannot see in to the house. You're not on your own kiera.
hi well i do close curtains and i av nets up,but its like he can see in, he txtx why have i turned kitchen light off and i can see u moving round in front room,swear, wish he would disapear,im planing on geting blinds for my front room and kitchen,shouldnt av to tho,he hasnt come down tonight i think sometimes he just says he is to make me on edge,its wrong,i shouldnt be on edge in my own house,and i get anxious,ive turned my fone off, i havnt changed date yet, i av pay 175 to change date, alot of money,i cant carry on like this
Well, you're right, why should you have to get blinds and turn your phone off and get a new number? Well, there is only one answer to that question and that is:
BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SAFER and therefore anything that helps this is definitely worth it!
Don't worry too much about the holiday at the moment, you have the more immediate task of getting legal advice, deciding the way forward etc.
How are you this morning?
hi well up half night with my daughter, ex as sent long txtx last night,hes making threats just to scare me to get back with him, he keeps says if iaint gona get back with him he will grag me thru court and he will tell um everything, and he said when police arrested him over harassment charges that they gave statement to him bout me saying i was harassing him, cos i dint want giv police my mobile as my dad ad had brain hemorage and stroke so i droped harasment thing, my dad was my wori not ex,ex keeps repeating bout police so i no he saying it to scare me,i av sussed him out,am i tight tho what do u think
Hello kiera
Sorry you had a bad night.
What do you think he could say in a court? That you were harrassing him? I think he doesn't have a leg to stand on, you know that really, don't you? He would end up with egg on his face if he went through with it, and he knows that too, otherwise he would have done it by now. You're right, he is trying to intimidate you
Do you remember when we looked at the description of the types of abuser, there were a couple of them, one who tries to use our children against us and another who saye WE are to blame? Have a look at it again here.
hi well he trying nice tatics now, pleading and begging to b afamily agin, yey last night he was making threats, he seems to think her can scare me into geting back with himby making threats bout court, but ive heard it to many times now, lioke u said he would of done it by now, he been saying it for months,mad how they use thretas then nice texts,il look at type abuser he is, to many to count lolthank you for replyingx
hi well ex is defiantly the persuader,the liar and badfather,just reading living with the dominater,he uses threats all time,in past he as thretened to ring social services to ring dss,he says hes got summat on me so be surprised one day, he says he as recorded my conversation saying im on drugs,he as actually rang my boss to say im on drugs, i was a carer, she took no notice thank god,them are just small exaMPLES, his excuses are i was angry u no id never do that, he always says it,
It's so good that you can look at his behaviour like this, keira, it is sometimes hard to read in black and white about abusive tactics so well done for doing that.
So your next thing is the legal advice!
yes get legal advice,cos he aint gona leave me alone hes been quiet all afternoon, he starts mithering in the morning then atnight, its a pattern,
Hi kiera, do you not want to call the police because your ex says they won't believe you or because you didn't find them useful in the past.
There are always different officers on duty. If you ex is sitting outside your house and you are feeling scared inside your house, you must call the police. Ring 101 rather than 999 and just say that there is this man outside my house, he is scaring me and I want him to go away. The ball is in their court then to decide what to do.
I know you feel that they are not supporting you, but they have to see the full extent. Keep reminding them that you are scared. What he is doing is illegal.
Do not answer any of his texts, even if it is to say 'stay away', that just invites him to say something else.
hi what nu is 101, well over period of 2 half years police have bin called quite few times,and last time was new year eve,got harassment order on ex,he still kept ringing but off witheld al time,i told police they arrested him,he was on bail, he still kept ringing off witheld,police said theres nothing they could do as coul;dnt prove it,they took his mobile off ex,cos id text him 1st twice they said id b laffed out of court but at that time my dad got took hospital,he nearly died,he ad brain hemorage and a stroke,so of course my dad more important so i dropped the harasment ,my dad stil is so unwell, then i got my ex being total git,so now ex tetx feel free to ring police ,he said that police said to him that im the bunny boiler,and they have give a statement to him bout me,which i dont really believe,and if i ring police they will no that it me with the problems not him,i no he prob just saying it,how can i be abunny boiler,i dont even no where ex lives so how can i b hounding him,ive never met his family, which is starnge,i no he prob saying all that so i dont ring police,b honest i do feel stupid so dont want ring um,dont want um on my front again,nosy neighbours
I know what you mean about neighbours, but Anna is talking about when he is sitting outside the house, I guess the police would ask him what he was doing etc, that would deter him! The police do need to see how ofteh this is happening and that would soon put paid to any allegations he thought he might make.
101 ia the number to call for your local police when it is not a desperate emergency (like a 999 emergency)
Hi kiera, you are still being harrassed by this man. It sounds as though you are still feeling nervous and uncomfortable. It is such a horrible feeling.
You sound really unsure about contacting the police. It sounds as though you feel let down by them and also as though you ex has made you lose confidence in yourself and in them.
The Police generally do not 'take sides' so don't believe anything your ex says, they certainly wouldn't have written a statement about you and give it to him.
You are being intimidated and your ex is doing a fine job of confusing you. You are not stupid, by any means.
Would you consider contacting your local police and getting the number for their Domestic Abuse team? Just for a chat with them?
hi im just so worried bout my dad, and my mum, pain in his head so bad,aparantley just normal after brain trauma,but he is so down over it, not 1 person from hospital has been to see him at all,i gave my mum number for the head injury association,just for support really, awful seein my dad like that, he also lost sight in 1 eye as he ad a stoke as well,so he cant drive his car,he can only walk so far,he cant go fishing,and pain in his head happens alot,so he is very down,i get upset everytime i go,then got hassle with ex,i dont need it,
Aww poor you kiera, you really have got it going on haven't you. You must be so worried about your dad. I am presuming he is currently at home and your mum is providing all the care?
Does your mum ring his doctor when your dad is in a lot of pain?
Well done for finding the number for the head injury association, do you think she will call them?
hi well thrown my fone water then flung it in bin,kept mi sim card as got fotos of my dawter on,so cant get any txts of ex cos ive no fone,no doubt home fone wil start ringing and he start leaving messages , let him evidence,well mum has rang the head association,but mi dad as go salford to c him,dad wont go anyway sum1 coming see mi dad friday, he is on that many painkillers, he dont seem like my dad anymore, uno im seriously thinking ringing womans aid to go in a refuge,just i av dog which part of family,and myh son is 14, they myt not let him in,hes lovely lad tho,just go for few weeks,i need break from ex i feel i need space
hi well im up at this time,my daughter ad me up sine 1am, she wont sleep,i keep crying,so stressed out al time,sic of it,now ive no fone, at least i wont be getting any txts off him, u no he rang and wasnt happy cos i didnt txt back asap but i explained i was speaking to the decorater, he said oh right sarcy txt me when u av done with mr decorater man, i could tell he wasnt happy, 1st thing he said was who u there with, i said kids, oh right,ive thrown ny mobile in water stressed out,anxious al time,i cant get on with my life
You must be exhausted, poor you 
You could phone Womens Aid and just talk through your options?
Hi kiera, I am so sorry to hear that your dad does not seem himself, that is so upsetting to see and your daughter was up all through the night, I am not surprised that you are really reaching the end of your tether.
I have heard that some refuges know of local pet fostering services, as many families have to flee with their dog or cat.
Our local refuge will take boys at the age of 14, so I think the next step for you is to call Womens Aid and see how they could help.
You definitely are in need of some sort of support kiera, I am worried that you are reaching breaking point.
hi just want to say what u said is completly corrct,this joke of a relationship isnt going anywhere,and we are worth more,i have been totaly blanking him ,he just sends odd txt saying usual how he loves us all and its my loss, NOT,he rings off witheld all time,i no its him,im just ignoring him,my mum and dad come yeasterday for dinner and my 18 year old daughter,was nice all family.no1 would come u c if my ex was there,i had to av my 18 m,onth old daughter christened without my ex,i didnt tell him,as no1 would come cos of what he did to me,he ruined it not mex