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Hi
I don't know anything about women's aid either, but i have found this link.
I hope it helps you in some way. I do feel that maybe you might get something out of it, as it is for any sort of abuse, and yours is emotional isn't it.
Stay strong, sending you hugs
Take care
Alison
x
Think I'll just drop this alternative suggestion then.
But in your case it's not that he won't see the son, it's that he keeps demanding different days, or extra days, after they have already made an arrangement. So it's more to try to stop him messing with arrangements that have been made.
I had another thought about going out. You know, being somewhere else means he can't turn up, and that would probably be better than worrying he might come round?
As for the depressants-on-medical-record --- good point. I've wondered about that myself. I'm also starting a PGCE next year, and have a medical history including anti-depressants and counselling. I never got round to checking what medical information they ask for. This might be the time to try to find out! Why not just ask your tutor? Tell them that you want to know what the Fitness to Teach checks involved, and even tell them why. They will have to treat the conversation confidentially, so why not?
Also - go back to the GP! After two years they definitely think you don't want the counselling anymore. Go back and insist on getting back in the line as soon as possible if it worked for you.
Finally. And this is the last thing. Conflict. You're going to get conflict in the classroom. So you know, you will have to deal with it then. I really think you need to deal with as much of this shit first as you can. You don't want to go into class all stressed over something else. Is your ex getting enough contact? Would a court really give him more? I bet it wouldn't and he's just bullying you. Since he clearly can't stop (because he is a shithead) you should call his bluff. Next time he threatens you with court, shrug your shoulders and say 'okay, if you think that's best'. He works, doesn't he? So he won't take you to court, because he would have to pay a lawyer. And they charge between £15-25 for every six minutes work. I know, I just met with one the other week.
Okay, that's all. I'm stopping now! :)
Hi
if there is no counselling through your GP fairly soon then have a look in your local area for free or cheap counselling, google that plus your hometown. If you want me to have a look for you, just say and I will drop you a private email so you can tell me your home town off the record ;)
Women's Aid (known as IDAS now in some areas) helps and supports women affected by any sort of domestic abuse. This includes the behaviour your son's dad is exhibiting! Alisoncam has given you the link to the website and they can tell you whether support or outreach is available in your area.
I know exactly what you mean about not wanting depression on any medical records, hopefully you can sort things out. Going for counselling does not mean you are depressed, it can be a positive "I want to sort out the issues in my life" sort of move
Thanks again everyone, and don't disappear Sparklinglime, I really appreciate your advice and support.
Today I tried to enquire about counselling at uni, but they've closed for Christmas so thats not very helpful. Also I think they only have really limited appointment times that are unlikely to fit in with my teaching.
I did search google for low cost counselling in the area but haven't found much so far.
Seems wrong somehow to consider contacting womens aid, looking at the website I don;t really feel like I fit in altho I know ex has always railroaded me into doing whatever he wants.
I find it easy to put up a front of being quite cheerful when I'm busy and can cope with contact with other people and in the classroom I can behave really objectively, just my ex knows how to push all the buttons to make me feel terrible all over again and lose all objectivity. Its a bit draining at the moment, lots of the uni people are younger than me and seem to find me easy to share their problems with, I seem to be forever drying peoples tears and trying to help them out, this is all exhausting and sometimes I want to scream, what about me? Whay does everyone assume just because I'm older that I find life easy?
Thinking more positively I think it might be quite good that I'm down at the moment and having to look for counselling / solutions to deal with my ex. As you know a few months agao I was quite keen to have a new relationship and bury these feelings but to be honest I still don;t think I'm ready for anyone else yet. I want to get myself sorted so that should I meet someone I'm in the right frame of mind to make the right decisions about them and be able to cope with a new relationship. At the moment I can act really confidently with my closest friends and any one that I'm not interested in but immediately I meet anyone 'with potential' I think they are out of my league and I put myself down or ignore them in order not to attract attention. Also I'm piling on weight, a combination of comfort eating, bribing myself with chocolates to do my assignments and not having a babysitter so not getting to the gym or out for a run :(
Thanks for all your advice
x
Hello
I will drop you a private email and you can tell me your whereabouts so I can have a nose round for counsellors....... ;)
Thanks Louise, I've replied :)
How does free counselling work then? Do they get funded by grants?
Yes, usually. Or you can have counselling with someone who is doing it voluntarily so you only have to pay a small donation, which pays the rent for the room
Hi
The school nurse contacted women's aid about me - and I left The Git in 2004. She felt it was relevant to me. A woman called to see me and we really did have such a good chat one afternoon. She's put my name down for the Freedom programme coming up in January.
It's odd how things can tootle along and then all of a sudden things build up.
I think it's good that you're able to summarise (not the word I'm looking for but my brain isn't keen on functioning) some things that are going on.
I've said no to people twice this week, as I'm determined to get on with things and not put things to one side.
Sorry, totally OTT.
Loads of hugs. I think you're doing really well.
Hi sparkling lime
WELL DONE :D on saying no! I know that's a big step for you.
Congratulations to both of you, Sparkling for saying 'No', I know Louise has just said this but it is really really good of you to prioritise yourself at long last - WELL DONE!
Also good for you getting on the Freedom programme, it is a great programme and I hope you get what you want from it.
pink - Congratulations for looking for counselling and for taking the time to sort out what is going on for yourself and identifying where you are at with things and what you need. I think the Freedom Programme would be beneficial to you as well so you could look into that. I hope Louise manages to find some counselling in your area for you. You can always give Womensaid a try and see what they have to offer - nothing to losse really.
I hope you are both patting yourselves on the back as you read this?!
Cheers to you both! I am only on the orange juice though due to sore throat!
C-L
HI again,
I just have to share what has happened today with you.... Ex has spent a few hours with son. Son obviously told him that we are away a couple of days over Christmas (just before New Year, just to have a change of scene)..anyway ex only went and asked me if he could come with us!!! Has he forgotten the hell he put (and still continues to put me through), and the divorce, and all the acrimony? I'm still reeling with shock. I just said a very blunt no then changed the subject immediately. But how strange!
x
Hi
Thanks for sharing that! WELL DONE you for saying 'No' and sticking to your guns. He sounds loke quite an odd ball I must say. Although it does take some people to loose what they have before they realise what they are missing. Still I hope you have a lovely couple of days away and that you do manage to really 'get away from it all' and relax a bit with your son now that all your course has finished etc.
Have you got snow? Did you manage to get all your xmas shopping done in the 2 allocated days?! I still have to venture into town for one last thing but after that I am done - whoopeee!!!
Then it takes about 5 mins to open them all which always seems like a real shame.
Cheers C-L
Christmas present shopping done - just the food stuff to plan and get this week :P got a timetable for the week to make the most of my time off :lol: I guess I'm a proper teacher now, living my life to a timetable already !! Was all going according to plan until I spotted the dog has a poorly foot, will have another look in the morning but suspect it means a £50 trip to the vets... need to see if I can squeeze a visit to Santa in as well with son, as if the excitement level needs to be raised any further ;)
Enjoy the week everyone (will soon be over!)
x
Hi
I hope you give yourself stickers saying things like ' good mum', well organised', 'well done' too! My son loves getting those form his teacher at school and often comes home with one or two stuck on him. He then carefully takes them off each night and sticks them onto a box in his room so he gets to keep them all for ever and ever!!!
Oh dear, poor dog, and poor you as you just don't want any extra costs at this time of year. Can you soak the dogs foot in warm water with salt in it first and see if that does the trick? I think salt is great at curing a whole range of things.
Well we actually have snow here in Bristol today which I am very excited about! However having hibernated all weekend, I did need to get out a bit today and I don't like driving in it really. They say we are getting more tonight so fingers crossed for a white xmas.
I finished off my work today which felt good and now just have a couple of things to get and some more to wrap and a bit of cooking to do but thats all.
I hope you manage to fit in your santa trip?! You must tell us how it went.
Cheers C-L
I have so much to do this week, I've actually written out a timetable this afternoon! Still not sure how to work all this out. My brother coming over from the Isle of Man is complicating things! And the in-laws have decided they want us over there for tea tomorrow...
Oh, timetables and lists, I love them! ;) Hope you're building in a bit of "me" time into yours, sparkling :) When does your brother arrive?
Pink, it sounds as if your boy's dad has got a sudden fit of Christmas sentimentality. Glad you said no. What a cheek, asking to come away with you! When do you go away?
Hi All
I hope you are able to tick all the things you get done off your lists and timetables with a real sense of relish and keep giving yourselves regular pats on your backs that pretty much 99% of the time if not 100% we DO keep juggling all these balls and what with xmas we just keep on adding more balls to the ones that are already up in the air and continue to juggle with more and more balls - quite incredible we are really. Take some time - a second even to realise that and breathe and smile at how good your all are!!!!!
INCREDBLE SKILLS - we could be running the counrty - no the wolrd - no the universe!
Keep juggling but smile and breathe as you do it and enjoy it :D
Love C-L
PS: Juggling in my head as I type!
Just ended up ordering some stuff off Amazon as they can deliver it by Thursday. I ran out of money, and so had to wait for todays benefits.
Still the eldest to get stuff for, and I have no inspiration at all!
Didn't go to the in-laws. Got back so late from the hospital after daughter's MRI scan, it just made the day too difficult, and I had to get the cat to the vet as I'm not too happy about her - anti-biotic injection, just incase, and plaque removed off her teeth - boy was she not impressed!!
My brother is coming tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully time to chuck the hoover around, at least :D Oh yes, and mop the floor in the loo...
Hmm, sparkling lime, floors in loos. There speaks the mother of sons... :oops: know where you're coming from on that one....
When will you get the results of your daughter's scan?
Hmm, sparkling lime, floors in loos. There speaks the mother of sons... :oops: know where you're coming from on that one....
When will you get the results of your daughter's scan?
Oh yes, boys and loos. I go through so much bathroom cleaner with bleach, yet I never seem to be able to win!! Oh for money to install a loo with urinal, all tiled out so it could just be hosed down (or is that being too mean?!))
It will be 8 January when we go back to the hospital for the MRI result. Daughter not impressed. Reminded her that it is hurting, so it's not like she could do much anyway.
Going to get the food hamper from Communities First this morning. I hope it's as good as last year - my neighbour assures me she's never been disappointed yet. Just hope it defrosts a bit before 10.30!
We had the bathroom floor redone last year, sparkling lime and when we revised who did what chores-wise in the house, I insisted that a weekly wash of the loo floor was the job of the 15 year old, reminding him that he would be the one who had made the mess. There's much less mess nowadays! :lol: I always wonder if having one of those pedestal mats is a good or bad idea.....eeurgh what a subject :?
Hope your daughter's Christmas isn't too painful.
Ooh the hamper sounds nice, YUM, please report back.
My 18 year old is very good at mopping. 13 year old is the worse, and not a hope in heck of getting him to mop. He will hoover, though.
Hamper delayed by bad weather until 1.30pm. Hope I can get them (bringing one back for my 'other' neighbour) before my brother gets here.
My neighbour who I moan about (she really is lovely) is being picked up by her son at 2pm, so she's going to be picking hers up on the way now.
I've done some wrapping instead, and had Christmas music playing. Funny, all this wishing for a white Christmas, and now we have one, it's not very convenient :roll: :lol:
:lol: That's so true, sparkling lime. I think what we realloy want is mild and acceptable weather till about midnight on Christmas Eve then a moderate sprinkling so it looks lovely on the Big Day and then is a little downtrodden on Boxing Day then melts away miraculously that night. AHHHHHH.
Hope you have got the hamper by now.
Well I think that might be what we get here in Bristol fingers crossed. We have had one day of snow, although a lot of ice and it is forecast to snow again on xmas eve which would be just perfect!
Hope you all have a lovely xmas with your family members, friends etc and get all that you wished for (within reason I guess!!!???)
Take care in the ice and speak soon.
Love C-L
Well, after a lovely Christmas break I've got a very apprehensive feeling. Son back at school tomorrow and me back at uni for the next term in my teacher training. Only 2 uni days this week then straight into a new school, teaching until early May. The tutors have warned us this is the tough term, I found the last one really hard, I just hope I somehow get through this one. I think the worst thing for me is the tiredness, I have to work late to juggle everything around son, then I get tired, then everything seems worse than it really is...I am determined to complete the course tho, just going to take one week at a time and hopefully somehow it will be OK.
I've had a lovely christmas break this year tho and have finally decided that 3 years is long enough to be utterly miserable! (just over 2 years since ex left but the year before he went was pretty much the worst ever!) I dont want to let him spoil anymore of my precious life and my time with the little boy. I know there are going to be problems every so often but I am going to try to bounce back from them much quicker. Thats the intention anyway! Can't see myself ever being with anyone else tho and I seem to have finally come to accept that that might not too bad afterall :)
If I'm a bit quieter on the boards over the next few weeks it will be because I'm working hard but I'll keep having a read to see what you are all up too!
Take care, my lovely friends xx
Dearest Pink
I have had very little time to get on the boards recently due to other One Space work commitments, however, I have just been reading this thread and wanted to come and say hallo!
It is great to read that you had a fab xmas and new year and that you are ready (apprehensively) for the future! However, not that I want to put a dampener on things I wanted to add my bit!
Where to start, umm...
Womens Aid... excellent organisation for supporting women who are suffering or who have survived domestic abuse....and yes you are a survivor and yes your ex is an abuser. Just from the few things you have said about him, he tries all the classic ways of trying to dominate you, your time, your son and if you so much as hesitate to go along with what HE wants - he threatens Court, tut! :roll: So it is very much there for people who have lived with what you have lived with. You often undermine yourself by saying that everyone else's stuff is worse than yours, this isn't true. You are exactly the type of person Womens Aid want to help.
Freedom Programme... I would really urge you to go along to one of these groups, I know that the timings of the courses may be difficult for you, but you would learn so much, have a look at the website and search by county on the left hand side. http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/freedomprogramme/venues.cfm You could think of this not only for yourself, but for the parents you might meet in the future at work and also there are two sessions on the affects on children living with domestic abuse, so again could be very useful in your line of work.
You are a great member of the boards and I wish you the best of luck with the next few months of teaching, its going to be hard, but it is going to be soo worth it. YOU CAN DO IT!!
Oh yeah and forget about men at the moment, at least until you have done the Freedom Programme, concentrate on you and your boy and planning for the future. It is hard enough without the added confusion/pressure of new relationships!! :lol:
Best of Luck and chin up :D
Hi Anna,
Thank you so much for your really kind message. It touches me so much when people try to help or encourage me, I guess I lived with the opposite for so long. I've looked at the Freedom programme website now, it looks amazing, just got a bit upset reading the bit about mr dominator v mr right. The details for Mr Dominator amount to a totally accurate description of my ex. I didn't realise how abusive he really was. It makes me want to do the Freedom programme as I am excited that finally someone might understand what I had to, and to some extent still do, live with. I'll ring the contact number for my region tomorrow, trying not to get too excited tho as I can't do anything during working hours as I will be at uni / school, fingers crossed I can sort something out.
I was back at uni today, getting all the information together for what we are expected to do at school during the next 14 weeks. We will have to teach two thirds of a full timetable, as well as doing a few more assignments too, bit jittery this evening, however am I going to manage that? Think one day at a time is the only attitude that will get me thro. Also need to start job hunting for Sept as apparently the new jobs will start to be advertised soon.
Picked up an exhausted and grumpy son from school tonight. Makes me question my decision to work. Hmmm. Hopefully he'll get back into the routine quickly. I think it should be better in the Spring when its not so dark and cold when I both drop him off and pick him up, poor little chap.
Thanks again Anna, really appreciate everything.
xx
I broke down on a training course when it came to Mr dominator. It's funny how you don't see it when you're living it.
It's funny, but after three years I felt it was time to get on with things. Can't say wheter I have or not as there's no one to tell me, really :D
I look forward to hearing from you when you can, to know how you're getting on. I'm quite certain that once you're in the swing of it you'll love and be brilliant at it.
Loads of hugs and good luck!
Longer days always seem to help.
Thanks Sparklinglime, start at my new school tomorrow, am now worrying about the 'sod's law' combination...what if my school is open and my son's is closed (due to the weather), they are both very close but as the heads each decide individually it is a possibility that one might open and one might not....fingers crossed for mine being closed!...otherwise I wonder what kind of impression I will create, arriving for day 1 with a rather scruffy 5 year old in tow ;)
Also Anna (and Sparklinglime and everyone else that has encouraged me to sort my head out) - I rang the Freedom Program contact for my area today. The program sounds amazing but sadly it is only run during school hours and therefore impossible for me to attend. However the woman I spoke to was incredibly helpful, she is posting me the book out as she thought I sounded 'like a very intelligent woman' ( :lol: ) and thinks I might be able to pick up a lot from that on its own....AND she has said she is happy for me to drop in after school whenever it suits me for an hour here and there to go through the programme (or particular parts of it) on an individual basis :D Its a shame I can't attend properly as I would have liked to meet others in a similar situation but I can't believe that this woman offered to see me individually - I'm really happy about it. Its quite local to me so I should easily be able to get there for an hour after school somedays before I pick son up from his after school club. I'm going to wait for the book to arrive first, have a bit of a read, then go for my first chat I think. I'm so relieved that I seem to have made a step forward on this.
Claire Louise commented on another thread that I am sounding much happier since the Christmas break - I really am, its amazing what a few decent nights sleep and some quality time with friends and family can do. Also I moved house in the Summer and it was nice at new year thinking that the move is behind me now and I can really start to put down some roots for me and my son now. I am daunted by school tomorrow but think thats natural, looking forward to September when the training is over and I can get into the swing of a proper teaching job.
Thanks as ever for all the support
xx
Hey gorgeous girl, that's brilliant news about the Freedom Programme, I am excited for you that you are getting the book! :)
I remember the first time I saw the Mr Right and Mr Wrong. I read the Mr Wrong side first and said 'oh my god that is exactly my ex' then when I read the Mr Right, I thought how daft of me, its not as if we don't know it, but we just get sucked into the negative stuff, good luck with the book. It is excellent and will give you food for thought. Its brilliant that they can offer you some 1-2-1 as no doubt the book will bring up issues that would be good to discuss.
We have a thread in the Relationships and You about the Freedom Programme, where the author sometimes pops in, so please write up any thoughts or feelings there too. I have run many Freedom Programmes and seen over 100 women change their lives because of it, so please share your experiences with us there.
Good luck with the new term, things will settle down with your son, once he gets back into the swing of things. I hope that today both your schools are closed today and you can have a cosy day in! :D
Great to hear that you are feeling happier too, there is light at the end of the tunnel, lots of luck to you, you deserve it! :)
Thanks Anna, when I read the 'Mr Right' section I was totally amazed - do men like that really exist ??!! Just proves that I've always chosen very badly in the past... I finally feel tho that I would rather be on my own for any length of time now than settle for someone that is not right. Looking forward to the book arriving and getting stuck in...
Both schools closed today so we spent the morning playing in the snow and the afternoon baking and getting cosy :D Now quite keen to start at my new school tho so am hoping things are back to normal tomorrow altho by the weather forecast it seems unlikely...there really isn't that much snow near us but I think one school closes and the others tend to follow suit.
Hope you are managing to stay warm.
Hi
Good luck at the new school. You are going to be brilliant.. We are all here to give you the support to get you through. (Can't help with the work though I'm afraid) I'm guessing you're going through lots of different emotions about tomorrow, I know I would be!!!! Excitement, worry, etc, etc.
Really glad you had a great day in the snow. We had a snowball fight too, but I chickened and hurried back indoors :lol:
Take lots of care
Alison
x :)
GO GET EM GIRL!!!!!!!!!! xx
Thanks Alison,as ever, really appreciate all your encouragement
xx
But Mr Right is sooo obvious, isn't he? Why didn't we see that?
I mean if we think about what kind of man we want to be with, we would expect Mr right wouldn't we?!
My daughter is not in school today again, I guess no-one else's are, hope the snow and ice disappears quickly as the sludge and dirt depresses me!
Hi
Good luck with the school and teaching this term. You sound so refreshed from your xmas break and so hoefully you can carry that with you this term. You said yourself, it is amazing what a couple of good nights sleep can make, so try to build that into your new time table. A couple of early nights and lots of preparation for the teaching.
Good luck with the Freedom programme - glad she is sending you the book, you can look at that now and then maybe, sometime later you might be able to attend the course itself. You get some much more form the course as you beenfit from all the other people there as well as the course content - just like this site really!
let us know what you think of the book and get in touch if something doesn't make sense as both Anna and I have facilitated the Freedom programme so might be able to help out with any queries.
Good luck
C-L
Hey-- well done you for getting through the holidays. :) I've just been reading this thread from the start, and the change in you is amazing. I'm so pleased. It's been a tough winter, eh? :) Don't worry about son being tired and grumpy. You ARE doing the right thing working - it's good for your head, and good for him to see the example you are setting him, and better money for you both to treat yourselves... But yes, at this time of year, work is not the nicest!
Stick with it, you've done so well, and come so far. I'm really, really pleased for you. :)
oh dear, i feel my positivity starting to flag already.... I have been at my new school a couple of days now, totally overwhelmed by the number of lessons I'm expected to teach (on average 3 per day), I need to plan fully for them all at least 2 days in advance, then arrange meetings with the teachers for them to approve my plans, then make the adjustments, then teach, then meet the teachers for formal feedback and evaluation. On top of that I've got a massive list of meetings and parents evenings I'm expected to attend - quite how I'm going to get childcare for those I don't know... And there is no where at school that I can work really during my rare free periods, just a computer literally in the corridor with pupils constantly walking by...so it looks like all the work is going to have to get done at home and the thought of that is terrifying...The school has a really good reputation and I was excited when I heard I was going there for this placement but I just don;t like it so far, and whilst the staff seem nice I can't imagine ever feeling particularly comfortable with any of them. This week I haven't had much to to, I asked them for topics I would be teaching the week after next so I could start preparing but they said they didn't know yet, so an hour after school had finished I said I was going home (as i thought there was little point in hanging round with nothing to do, it was icy so wanted to pick up son - didn't say any of that tho) anyway they very obviously looked at the clock altho I was doing something wrong leaving....so i don't think i'm creating a great impression. All I want is to be with my son and its just going to be so blooming difficult, would be great if I could just work til say 4pm then come home and not worry about it til the next day but thats just not going to happen...aaaarrrrggghhh
xx
Ohhhhhhhh, I am so sorry that it's all getting on top of you again. I don't know anything about this, but could you not ask for another placement?
You don't sound happy at all, and I really feel for you.
Could you not do something different, and then go back to this when your son is a bit older. Is that an option for you?
Probably not helping much here, but I'm just thinking what I would do in your shoes.
Feeling low myself today, so could easily sit and cry for you too. (don't you shed tears today, I'll do it for the both of us) :lol:
Big hugs coming your way
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi
Oh I do hope you can keep positive for this term as it is the second out of 3 altogether and then you will be qualified. I think things will begin to settle down in the next week or so and once you get used to the school, teachers, pupils etc, the teaching will get easier. Do you have a mentor or link person at the school? If so, then I think it is worth speaking to them earlier rather than later and explaining your situation to them i.e. you are a single parent with a young chilld and asking if there is somewhere at school that you can use to plan and do as much of the work there as it is not that great trying to do that at home with a young child around. There must be a staff room isn't there or a work room? They need to be understanding of this type of situation. I would explain about the difficulties you have regarding the extra evening sessions too and see what they say. Is there any chance a friend or your ex could have your son during those evening sessions?
I know it is a real hassle sorting out work stuff and having to sort out childcare on top of that but it is worth the strugle over these next few months and then you have the world at your finger tips as they are crying out for teachers and it is a job that fits so well around children in the long run. Is there any way you could continue the course but on a part time basis? I know they do have this facility at some colleges but it obviously takes longer ( 2 years in stead of one). You could check out aout that.
Keep up the positivity though - make sure you compliment yourself at least 3 times each day - same as the amount of praise we should give our children each day!
Love C-L
Loads and load of hugs and strength.
It's so hard to going back to work after Christmas, that possibly everyone does need time to settle.
Could you drive off somewhere to do some work during quiet times? Or is it possible to go to the library?
Thinking of you.
xx
Oh pink this just feels like such a slap in the face after all your positivity. I really do feel for you, :(
The others have come up with some brilliant suggestions and hopefully some of them can be used to ease your way. I am excited for you about the Freedom Programme as well! I have one extra comment to make. I have noticed that you have faced a number of situations since you joined us, that are scary, worrying, make you question your own decisions and throw you out of a kilter for a while. BUT, on each occasion you have given it time, you have tackled things one step or one day at a time and guess what? You have survived and you have done brilliantly. Have faith that you will get through this too :D
Hi
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you for tomorrow. Good luck hun :)
Take care
Alison
x :)
Thanks everyone for your wonderful support - and Alsioncam how did you know that I was sat here dreading tomorrow?!
One of my friends from my course rang last night and I ended up bursting into tears on the phone, its the first time I've actually cried about my school but it probably did me some good. As he's on the course he knows exactly what is expected and I could be more honest than with other friends who can't really imagine what I'm going thro.
I'm still really nervous and dreading tomorrow but I know I'm not ready to give up yet. I'm going to take it one day at a time and hopefully that way somehow I'll make it thro. Only 5 weeks to half term, I know I shouldn't be counting down like this but this year I think its inevitable. When I've qualified and got a proper job in a school where I can get settled hopefully I'll feel a bit happier, I just hate being the new girl and having to get everything checked and double checked at the moment.
Will let you know how tomorrow goes,
I hope tomorrow is a good day too, and so glad that you've spoken to someone who understands your work load.
A means to an end, and a day at a time is the best way to deal with it.
Loads of hugs. I'll be thinking of you.
xxx
I don't know if you remember, but I'm doing a PGCE starting this autumn (I'm just beginning a subject knowledge course in preparation for it).
I read your post, and it sounds awful! But listen, remember when you were going for your interviews and stuff? They told you that the first year, student-teaching, basically working full-time and learning at the same time, will be about the hardest year you have ever done in your life. Plus you're doing it with all the childcare/lp stuff you already deal with. Plus you aren't actually getting paid, so you're doing a really hard job for no money.
All I'm saying is, well, I don't know, keep going, I suppose. It's totally understandable to be overwhelmed and exhausted and crying at this stage in the course. And it will get easier once you're qualified. Talk to your fellow students, and your tutor. Don't bottle it up, cos they all know how hard it is. You'll probably find out they're full of admiration that you're managing with all your extra challenges when they can barely get through as it is!
:)
Hi,
Lindsaygii, you are totally right, everyone told me that the course is the hardest you can do but I suppose I was thinking / hoping that they were all exaggerating somehow! The actual work isn't hard, its just so intensive and time consuming, I have to remember tho that I love it at the front of the classroom and the holidays are pretty good too;) Been to uni today with all my course, the morning was depressing as everyone else was saying how much they love their school....however this afternoon I managed to get talking to one of the tutors (woman, similar age to me, with 2 small children), I explained how upset I've been, she has told me that they will visit me sooner rather than later to make sure most of the problems resolve themselves, and she told me to make sure I didn;t give up as she knows I'll be a great teacher, she seemed so sincere and somehow I believe her when she says it. The reason we got talking is because she was asking me for some honest feedback on another part of the course so she must value my opinion, its a nice confidence boost. I'm nervous about school tomorrow but I will not give up! We are all made of tough stuff on onespace and I'm not going to let the side down! Think its just been a bad start what with the weather, the dark nights, son being grumpy at the mo at school etc etc, hopefully by Easter it will all seem much better.
Really hope your enhancement course is going well Lindsay, I really enjoyed mine last year. Yes, lack of a proper salary is frustrating and I must admit I've been thinking about giving up and looking for a job now but I know I'd regret it as soon as I've done it, hopefully come September i'll have a proper job and be able to settle down a bt in a school I like. Keep in touch and I promise I'll give you the support in return in your pgce year too!
xx
I was hoping they were exaggerating too! Now I'm a bit worried that it really will be as hard as they said. :( Oh well, like you say, we're a tough bunch on here. Tough but lovely I like to think. :)
I'm so glad you've found someone to talk to , who obviously values and respects you in return -- it really does make all the difference, doesn't it?
I only started the enhancement course this week, so we haven't had any lessons yet - start tomorrow. I'm feeling okay about it, but must admit that I am filled with doubts. Mostly to do with how hard it's going to be, and how teeny-tiny son is, and being sorry we're not going to get the best of each other for a long time. All that makes me very sad and worried. I try to think about the holidays (like you are, too), and to focus on the fact that this job will mean we can enjoy each other much more in the future than we would if he was in school and I was at work till six or seven at night. Some days I feel very strong and positive, but most I just think it's all a dreadful mistake. The ridiculously early-morning starts aren't great either. Sigh.
Still, can't very well advise you to look on the bright side and then look on the worst myself, I suppose. And you know what? I really think a lot of our problems just now are connected to how miserable, cold and dark it is, and how much the weather is trapping us in the house for what little free time we have to spend. Bring on the Big Melt, that's what I say!
Hello both
I just wanted to express my support and admiration for what you are both doing. It certinly is not easy and other people will not have childcare issues to contend with, either. The dark, cold mornings are not very encouraging, but wow the goals that you both have are so fab. Well done! :D
Thanks for all the various posts to me over the weekend. Altho I've felt down for ages I'm not on anti-depressants at all and never have been. When ex first left I went to the the doctors, they offered to put me on the waiting list for counselling, I said yes please. they said the list was long tho and indeed I've never been contacted (and that was over 2 years ago). I haven't gone back to ask about anti-depressants as I'm really nervous about my medical record, as you know I'm busy training to be a teacher and will be applying for jobs soon. I'm scared that depression would be noted on my medical details that would be disclosed to any school I apply to and as a result I might struggle to get a job...anyone any experience of if this is the case??
I'd love counselling and did pay to have a couple of sessions about a year ago that were really helpful. The lady knew I was a student and hence little income and offered me her 'discount' rate of £30 per hour but I still can't afford that on a regular basis really. Also with doing my teaching I have no free time whilst son is at school so would have to arrange a babysitter too which is both difficult and expensive again. The uni I'm at offers counselling but its in the middle of the day and won;'t fit around my teaching requirements.
I've never heard of Womens Aid before that someone mentioned in a previous post - is it a national organisation?
So scared of being more assertive with ex as he always becomes really threatening when I do. When he left I stupidly told him that I would never be able to deal with him demanding son lives with him. Every time I act more assertively, he gets aggressive and suggests that he may have to write to me and the courts about 'more access'. I am useless with conflict and worry so much that I don;t want to go to court if I can avoid it.
I just love my son so dearly, I don;t him to be used as a pawn, and I just want to be allowed to get on with my new life without constant interference. I know he is son's dad but he is still so controlling to me, I thought when I got divorced this would all stop, but its as bad as ever.