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Well done on the running! It is really hard to discipline yourself, I went back to the gym last week, feel very virtuous.
The fayre sounds fun. My boy, who is now 15, once won a plant cutting on the school tombola. It was scarcely rooted in a tiny plant pot, but he put it on his windowsill and watered it faithfully. Nowadays it is a lovely, flourishing large plant in the kitchen.
Let us know how your date goes.
Your son's school sounds lovely. C's school wouldn't have bothered at all I have to say. Can only hope Junior school will be more helpful!! I am starting the volunteer work at the school on Tuesday, hoping it leads somewhere in the future. Also, I wanted to be there ready for C so I can keep an eye on things when he moves up!!! Have a lovely time tonight with new fella. Is it the cinema? No sitting in the back row ok, hehehe
Glad things are sounding better!
xx
Hey, how did the date go??
It was good to read your post, it sounded as though life was feeling a bit better again.
Good luck with Beavers!
Hi everyone,
Spent ages re-arranging my son's bedroom yesterday, he really loves it now as it gives him more space to play in, love seeing him happy - the simplest things hey?!
well, so far so good with nice normal bloke, lovely time yesterday evening and another date lined up for the end of this week :) trying to keep my feet on the ground still tho (and just about managing it!) Still waiting for a major personality flaw or addiction to raise its head tho as it so often does in the men i choose - lets hope my reasonable state of mind these days might have led me to make a better decision....
School is going better, using the time there more productively now to set myself up for Sept.
Running and healthy eating making me feel happier too, hope I can keep it up. I've put on a stone whilst I've been studying this year and it would be lovely to start to lose it as I feel really uncomfortable at my current weight.
Thanks for the support as ever
x
So happy to read your post.
Thanks Sparklinglime, hope you are having a good day x
Oh dear oh dear, why do things always jump out and upset you when you least expect it?
I've had lots and lots of tears from my son today. He just kept repeating that he wished his daddy still lived with us and that we all still lived in our old house. His dad moved out two and a half years ago, and we had to sell the house as I couldn't afford it on my own (and it held lots of bad memories so i wanted to move anyway) and my son and I moved here exactly a year ago. Hes still only 5 so i thought his memories of the old house would have been very distant as he rarely mentions it but tonight he kept saying how much he loved it there and he never wanted to move out and that i never listened to him as he says he tried to tell me he didn;t want to leave.
He was less than 3 when his dad left but it seems to be bothering him more these days than it ever has before - maybe as he sees people at school living with both parents and realises that its different for us? Anyway he just kept saying he wants us all to live together and why can't we. It was so upsetting. I've had to keep repeating that its because his dad didn;t love me anymore and wanted to live on his own but that he still loves son very much which is why he sees him regularly. This is the truth - was I wrong to say it tho? Its so upsetting to hear him tell me all these things and I'm worried that despite all my efforts he's become an unhappy little boy which is the one thing i never wanted to happen and the one reason why i tried for so long to make my marriage work. None of this is due to my recent dates with new chap. Son knows nothing about it other than I've been out a couple of evenings but he hasn't asked where or who with. His dad has got a girlfriend but son rarely sees her. We can't play happy families but just how much damage is he suffering having to cope with this? I know we are all in the same position on here and all trying to do the best by our kids but sometimes i think I've failed my son so badly. I could have sobbed and sobbed with him earlier but that would have got us nowhere so i have to be strong and say everything is ok...any advice?
thanks
xx
I don't know what to suggest, sorry.
My youngest was 5 when I left - but he had his siblings. As their father did very little with us as a family, life changed very little for him.
Are school able to help at all? They could even be covering a topic in school about families.
Looking through my youngest's book yesterday in parent's evening, there was a section on families. His family is us five with 'Mum taking care of us'.
Could it be that trying to say that families come in different forms help? That was a discussion I had with eldest when we left - but he was 12.
Sorry.
xx
Hello
Sounds to me as if you did exactly the right thing. As long as he knows bothe Mum and Dad love HIM and will never stop loving him, even though they stopped loving each other then there is nothing wrong with this honesty.
I was thinking, as I was reading your post, that he is probably meeting children from two parent families at school, and later in your post you mention this yourself. He can't possibly remember his dad living with you, he has idealised it from what other children have said, and maybe from children's TV programmes.
Have a think about other families you know with just one parent and chat with him about them, to make things more "normal"
I can also recommend a couple of books to you, that you can get hold of online. Click here and here to see them
Thanks, I'll have a look at those books. He hasn't mentioned anything the last couple of days, I think it must have come about as he is becoming more aware that most of his school friends live with both parents. Am quite pleased the summer holidays are round the corner so i can spend lots of quality time with him and hopefully have some proper chats when he's not so tired.
Thanks again, have a lovely weekend everyone
xx
Hi,
I've always found books a great way to communicate things with my kids, especially when they are little. You could even make a book using family pictures explaining that not all Mummy's and Daddy's live together but they still love thier children?
You mentioned tiredness, do you think your son might be finding this difficult at the moment because he is over-tired? It might sound melodramatic but when I'm exhausted I'm a great big whinger and my children are like little demons when they are tired. You mentioned he's five, is this his first year at school coming to an end? The whole first year at school can be such a tough time for them, there are so many new expectations and relationships to manage. talking to him in the school holidays sounds like a great idea.
HelenT
It was great to read that things were feeling good and hurry up summer hols! I can't believe it was a year ago that you moved, I remember it!
Then your son was going through a difficult time. As Helen says when the children are tired everything seems so much worse to them.
You mentioned that you have been out a few times with your new chap, but your son hasn't asked any questions about where or who with. I wonder if you could tell him that you are meeting a friend? Sometimes we don't ask questions because we don't want to know the answers? Does he like the babysitter, or whoever looks after him when you go out? Could he be a little worried that you might leave too? Only questions, I am not trying to make this the problem at all. He has obviously been unnerved by something. Has his dad been saying anything about happy families perhaps?
you HAVEN'T failed your son, you are doing exactly the opposite. You are there for him, you are bettering your life for yourself (always a positive) and therefore in turn , bettering his life. Don't be hard on yourself, our children have a way of getting to places in our hearts, that no-one else can reach and when we are parenting alone we have no one to share that with. You are doing a mighty fine job, you tried to save your marriage, but that takes two and you were let down. Have a sob if you feel you need, I know we all do, but remember you are doing everything to make a better future for you both and are a very considerate parent.
thanks Anna, appreciate your kind message.
Son hasn't mentioned anything again recently altho he is getting cheekier and cheekier and seems to expect to get his own way all the time...I think I've had quite an easy time with him previously, as he gets older he seems to be learning to try things on with me a bit....i think the school holidays will be good to give us some decent time together to have fun.
He loves the babysitter and knows her very very well so i'd be surprised if there was an issue there. I have been telling him i've been meeting up with a friend and i always emphasise that i'll give him a kiss when hes asleep in bed later as soon as i get back and i'll be there as normal when he wakes in the morning. no dates for the last week or so anyway as lovely guy is away at the moment - looking forward to him getting back tho. If it all progresses as well as it was doing the next step might be to introduce them i think, not a big deal, just for lovely guy to pop round for a cup of tea one afternoon and maybe a walk to the park - something pretty ordinary that we'd do with lots of people i think so that son doesn't think its strange. then take it from there i suppose.
really should go to bed, been a long day and son will be up early as usual in the morning!
x
Hello, I think the cheekiness is something to do with the age group!
That sounds like a good idea, to introduce new chap in a very casual way. I am always surprised how many children's first introduction to their parent's new partner is when they bump into them naked on the landing! Must be extremely unsettling. We have an article about new partners and children. My hyperlink thing is not working this morning for some reason so I will have to post the whole link http://www.onespace.org.uk/new-relationships/introducing-new-partner-your-children
Hope you will have a fab weekend and begin the big wind-down towards the summer holidays
My lot my now friend who's pushing his luck beyond all boundaries in a NT property (I used to be a member).
They didn't have a problem at all, which was good. By then, I guess, they were used to meeting up with one of The Git's friends.
Again, and I say this often, my lot have each other, which I think has got them through a lot of things.
xxx
Thanks Louise and Sparklinglime. When i have had a few dates in the past I have never wanted to introduce them to my son as i've always wanted to keep things seperate. I think I realise now that this was because I always knew those men weren't right for me. This time it feels very different tho and it seems natural that he should meet son. I've explained to him tho that i want it done gradually - not the 'naked on the landing' scenario - and he just says thats another reason why he likes me, that I always put son first. This is a very different attitude to son's dad who always claimed i should be putting his needs in front of son's needs!!! So very steadily things seem to be moving in the right direction, for the time being at least!! x
Hi, have missed lots of your posts, but just had a good catch up. I'm delighted for you that everything is going so well with 'new' friend. You yourself have said it all feels totally different from other guys, and that he himself is different, so follow your head and your heart. Good idea too about the way you'll introduce your son and fella. Very casual, so it will be very relaxed too.
Hope your son is ok now. You handled things brilliantly as always. :)
I am so pleased to hear that this new chap seems to respect you so much, and to consider your son. Has he got any children? Sometimes it is hard for a non-parent to out themselves in your place. I noticed in the paper at the weekend that Danielle Lineker has made a programme about what it is to be a step-parent (although that is to husband Gary's teenage boys and him to her nine year old daughter. I thought it raised some interesting points, though, for us as single parents)
Do you break up for summer on Friday?
Thanks, about a year ago,upon Louise or Anna's recommendation (sorry, I can't remember which of you it was..),I read Barbara de Angelis " Are you the one for me?". Whilst the book made a lot of sense it made me realise that most of the relationships I have had in the past were entirely wrong for me. I had chosen unsuitable men and began to understand a little bit more about what I have a right to expect from a partner. Whilst it seemed good in theory I never actually thought that I would be able to have such an equal and healthy relationship so I have been doing quite well at avoiding men completely for quite a while, which tied in nicely with being too busy working and studying anyway. Anyway when I agreed to go on date number 1 with this chap I made a little promise to myself that I was not going to settle for anything less than I deserved this time. Its amazing that with this greater amount of self-respect that I seem to have found this year I suddenly seem to have come across a man who actually treats me with respect - I guess we find what we think we deserve, when I had a low opinion of myself then I was only ever going to be with men that treated me badly and continued the vicious circle?
Anyway so far so good. he has one son too, his is 8. We are very similar in our outlook to life and whatever happens I hope I have made a good friend. We are still taking it very steady but I feel valued and respected and that I do actually count, something that I lost totally with my ex husband. I don;t know what will happen but for the moment at least it has restored my faith in the possibility of a successful relationship if both people are doing their best to work towards it.
Break up for Summer on Friday! yay :) can't wait.
x
That's really interesting, thanks. The book is fab, in my opinion. I am sure that with work, we can attract a different sort of person than we did in the past
Also, we are all very proud of you for getting through this year of training and teaching practice so successfully.
Indeed.
You've achieved so much.
xx
I love it that you have read the book and it has given you the chance to re-evaluate yourself and how you have approached a new relationship. I think you are right, if we recognise that we should be respected and have our boundaries in place, no-one can overstep the mark .....and if they should we are in a good place to say, goodbye, I don't need you in my life. 
Remember as well that those boundaries and respect levels play a big part when we parent our children too, it can be hard when we are tired and they are intent on wearing us down, but they need to learn that we will not accept disrespect, I think it is their lifes work/journey to constantly test our boundaries, see what life can let them get away with or not, so keep strong.
We are so proud of you, only 3.5 days to go til your summer, yay! When is your chap home?
Thanks everyone, can't believe I've managed to get through this year - its been tough as you all know. Part of me is dreading September already but I'm just going to relax a lot and also try to get all my files and teaching resources organised over the Summer so I can start off my first proper teaching year from a good point.
Who knows what will happen with this chap but its nice to have someone, especially at the moment as things have calmed down a lot, he might be in for a shock as to just how grumpy I can be tho in September when its back to school!! He came back from his holiday today and has already rung me which is lovely, seeing him at the weekend. Got some school staff parties this week - apparently they can be quite wild so I'm a bit apprehensive, as I don;t know everyone yet but hopefully it will be fun and I guess i just have to take the plunge to get to know everyone.
Has everyone got some nice things planned for the hols? I'm hoping that the good weather returns soon - days out and picnics are so much easier when its not raining!
Hi,
I also do some work in the education sector and really look forward to the school holidays. However rain can be rubbish as then everything is expensive. Do you have free museums in your area? The national trust is cheap to join and then you can access all thier buildings for free, which can be a wet whether life saver. How do you manage rainy school holidays?
Staff parties are a bit risky aren't they...we had a year when a teacher drank too much and did some very lewd dancing to match her crude improvised karaoke...it was starange as she was very conservative with the kids. I always avoid the alcohol and hope for the best...how about you?
HelenT
Hi Helen,
Yes, i'm definately not going to drink at the parties - couldn't live with the embarassment of showing myself up!! Your story doesn't surprise me tho, I keep hearing about some of the antics that some of the teachers have got up to...
Am making a long list of things to do over the holidays so hopefully we won't run out of ideas, National Trust sounds like a great idea, must investigate!
Thanks
Hope you guys have lots of fun at the teachers gatherings!
Hopefully the weather will be good in the hols, or else I'm truely stuck 
I have to rely on buses, and it's no fun standing out in the rain!!! I won't have a penny to spare, what with trying to buy a uniform etc, and my son's birthday coming up. Added to that I have to start putting money aside to pay for the new fridgefreezer. Still it could be a lot worse if I didn't have a garden I guess.
I know I have said this before but they eat so much in the holidays, and it is especially hard if you are used to your child getting a free school meal or, if you work, you have more childcare to pay for 
The local Council here produce a summer leaflet of all the things to do and open days at museums, craft days, things at libraries etc, I used to use that a lot. It's worth ringing the local Council Leisure department where you live. Another idea, following on from Helen T's comment about the National Trust is to see if there are any independent places where you can get a season ticket and go lots of times. Also worth contacting your local bus company as they often team up with these places so that bus passengers get money off the entrance fees etc
I was a member of the national trust for years, even though there are only two properties that are close by. They have loads of events for youngsters, so I did make good use of those tickets - even if I just took who ever hadn't started school for a picnic!
It was always tranquil. I dropped the membership when my legs became wonky, as I couldn't walk around the gardens (the best part for me).
They do have a rate for one parent families, which I thought was brilliant.
That's brilliant to know that National Trust do a single parent discount, good for them.
Remember whenever you join something if there is a box for a promotional code, go to Google and type in 'Promotional code for ..........' and you may find you can get a promotional discount!
As for staff parties, HelenT has the right idea I think, either stay off the booze or only have a few and leave before the end!
I hope you have a lovely time at the weekend
well I survived the staff parties! Had a great time and managed to stay sober (unlike the majority of people there...it was really funny seeing the other side of the life of teachers!)
So nice to have broken up, determined to make the most of the holidays, had a lovely time with son today.
Oh and saw chap the other day - had the big " are we in a relationship" conversation, and it appears we are :) he is just so open and frank - such a refreshing change :)
Here's to a good Summer for everyone
X
Lol, you are definitely "in a relationship" then! My son, who is 20, tells me that there are these different stages nowadays. Firstly, a "casual thing" then "a girl I am seeing" and THEN "a relationship". Thinking about that book we were all reading, this then with your chap is the section on "deciding to be exclusive to each other" Isn't it spooky when something you have read in a book gets played out in real life?
Well done on surviving the staff party. I am sure you were right to stay sober.
Hope you will have a lovely few weeks with your son and recharge your very depleted batteries!
I'm so glad you enjoyed the staff party. I hadn't thought of it being a bit odd seeing the other side of teachers before...
I must remember these 'different stages' bit.
Enjoy the holidays.
xx
Thanks - I'm beginning to wonder if he has read the same book - he seems to be following it to the letter ;)
Totally shattered today - the last year seems to be catching up with me. Shame its raining today - hope its sunny again tomorrow, makes holidays so much easier!
X
Hi, if he hasnt read the book then pass it on to him! Then at least you are both on the same page (!)
Although he might just be one of those really sorted people who don't need books to learn about themselves 
Don't worry about the weather, don't let it get you down, it is easier if there is sunshine, but hey an afternoon in front of a DVD can be just as glorious!
I am so happy that you have the next 5/6 weeks off, I feel your freedom, you really deserve it
How is your son? Has he been talking about 'happy families' again recently??
Hi everyone,
Well I'm loving the school holidays! Getting rather terrified about September, had vowed to get organised and do some preparation to help me with the next term but so far haven't so much as sat down at my desk, been too busy relaxing and getting out and about, catching up with friends that I feel I have neglected over the last year due to the intensity of my studies.
Anna - my son hasn't mentioned 'happy families' recently, interestingly he has been spending some time with his Dad's girlfriend and her children and has recently met my partner's son - rather than being confusing this actually seems to have helped him as he sees them as other children whose parents live apart and that he isn't the only one. I just hope that these new people remain in his life but I guess there are no guarentees and sometimes we just have to take a gamble.
I've totally fallen for my partner altho some days I feel incredibly insecure about the relationship and keep expecting him to just disappear or ring me to call it all off. This isn't due to his behaviour but more my previous experience of disappointing relationships. I wish I could just ignore those feelings but I do worry that I am in constant need of his reassurance and that this will be an unwanted pressure for him. He has his own baggage and his own reluctance to totally engage with a relationship for fear of being hurt, not really sure how to overcome these hurdles but we keep talking about it and are both being incredibly honest about our feelings and worries - surely that has to be the best attitude? sometimes tho I wonder if we would be better having more fun and fewer of these conversations as i think maybe its putting added pressure on the relationship... Also I have too much time on my hands at the moment to worry about it all, be better maybe when I have the stress of work again soon!!
Hello
Glad your summer is going well and your boy is having fun and learning about the whole blended family thing!
As for your relationship, it is good to have these talks but I agree maybe not too often, you could put a ban on serious conversation for a whole weekend and just enjoy having fun. Both of you are worried about getting hurt and so trust issues come up, which can really only be overcome by time. There isn't anything you can actively "do" to cure this, in my view. Sometimes the issue is forced when a major event happens in the life of one of you and the other has to decide how to behave and that can make or break things but I would not recommend it. Far better to build things steadily together and ENJOY!
I agree - enjoy.
A day at a time, and don't look too far ahead and don't look for cracks that aren't there.
(says she, like she's and expert!!)
xx
heh heh sparkling lime, we are all "experts" on things. I am a particular expert in dieting 
hehe, thanks for making me laugh ladies - oh and for the advice as well! Yeah, will try not to over analyse and just enjoy, harder than it sounds tho for some reason :(
eeek back to school tomorrow..... son doesn't go back til Tues. Had a fantastic summer together, terrified about the volume of work and lack of time together during the next term, just hope its not as bad as I'm imagining! Good luck to everyone else with the new term and waving off our little ones :( Summer holidays should come round more frequently!
Good luck for today.
I believe the first year is the hardest (my brother has now retired from lecturing - he's older than me a lot older...), as after that you sort of have the planning for a year in place and can use it the following year.
I'm sure it won't be as time consuming as your studying has been though. I'm so proud of all you have achieved.
Have a brilliant day! And good luck for your son tomorrow too.
Good luck, you are such a star!!!!!!!!!!
Hi, hope today went really well for you. A bit of nerves perhaps beforehand, but I'm sure they disappeared in no time! The little fella goes to school tomorrow then? Is he looking forward to it? Fingers crossed, all goes great for him too.
x
Hi, thanks for the kind messages. School was OK today, altho a bit overwhelming with all the information I need to absorb. It was just an inset day so no kids yet!! Another staff only day tomorrow, its Wednesday when the nerves will really kick in I think.
My son is excited about school tomorrow, very happy to be going back, hope it goes well for him and he doesn't get too tired. We've had such a good Summer its really sad to be returning to our school routines :( Hope everyone else is managing OK withe Back to School week
x
Hope your boy has a fab day today, and that you will be able to get ready for the onslaught on Wednesday!
Lots of luck for your 1st day tomorrow. You'll be terrific, and also remember the kids are probably going to be nervous meeting you too!! How did your son's 1st day go today? Hope he enjoyed being back
Thinking of you!
xx
Thanks ladies :) My son had a great day altho he was exhausted when I picked him up. As for me, I'm as ready as I ever will be for the onslaught I think....
Thanks Louise, had a lovely day with my son. We went to his school fayre and spent loads of 50ps on complete junk (!) but the sun was shining and lots of his friends were there so we had a lovely time. Then came home and did some gardening. Oh and this morning I went for a run! Been trying to start doing some exercise as I've done nothing during the last 2 years, been running 3 times this week tho and determined to somehow manage to keep it up - even tho it is horrible and I'm rubbish at it I feel loads better afterwards!
Hope you have enjoyed the sunshine too
xx