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Thank you so much for all the information, and kind support Louise.I'll take a look( I'm checking on all the links you give me.)
I think it's because at least I'm trying to look forward and see what possibilities there might be for me in the future, which is something.
Hah, it's a shame I can't join some of my daughter's classes at school,but yes, a good idea too Louise to look into maybe taking some GCSEs...
All food for thought....I don't feel quite so down this evening....
Glad to hear you feel a bit brighter, you have so much to offer and although you might not believe me now, you will one day be able to look back at this time and see it as the beginning of a whole new (brilliant) life and we are here with you every step of the way 
Thanks Louise...
Well I wasn't feeling as bad, but then this morning my daughter was watching an episode of: Don't tell the Bride ( where the groom has to organise all the wedding), and of course it made me cry. She was so sweet and gave me a hug....
Now she's just left for school...I'm trying very hard to remain positive, but as you can guess it's very difficult.
Yes it is.
Nothing wrong with a good cry, though, it lets out a lot of stress.
One day at a time, you're doing great
Thanks Louise....for your support....
Well just waited on the phone for over ten minutes to speak to somone concerning Tax credits and no answer....not sure what is the best time to ring them....
MMMMmm, I just googled What is the best time to call the tax credit helpline, apparetnly they are having a lot of complaints from people trying to get through at the moment, however here are some of the answers:
When are the best and worst times to call?
Have a look at our article How to pay less on 08** calls and see if there is a direct dial number that you can contact.
Good luck Mich, its a nightmare. Remember to note down all contact (or times you have tried to contact them) in a notebook for your records.Always handy!
Thanks Anna for finding those times out for me.It's much appreciated....I tried again just now and so it was abot 3.30pm, no answer after 6 mins...I also put the number in the link you gave me and it said nothing found...I tend to use my landline at the moment as I am on pay as you go on my mobile..
I have been keeping a record of logged calls to them though in a notebook.
They are there until very late too then...
Aha I will give you my secret tip...but don't tell anyone ...The lines open at 8am every day so the very best time of all is 8.00 on a Sunday morning!
Ohhh ok Louise.....thanks for that info....
Well, not feeling good today.
Husband took my daughter to a meal last night, and told her more about his new woman,( and how she says she always regreted leaving him all those years ago), and how he could get my daughter on the sets of her favourite TV programmes...
She turned round and said to me that she might actually like his new woman, which made me feel gutted actually.
She's now gone out to a friend's so I am here....
Hi mich. Of course you are gutted, but your daughter is very impressionable at her age, and if she thinks she can get on the tv set, she's going to love that isn't she. Why on earth is your husband telling her what the 'new lady' has said about regretting all those years ago??
Hope you're ok. How's the weather where you are? Very windy and grey here.
Of course he should not be sharing those things with your daughter. It is probably to try to alleviate his guilt and to get her to think he is Ok. GRRRR!
I think it is always difficult when we see our child maybe going to make a relationship with another adult like this and we have to cling on to our knowledge of our many years of loving relationship with our child and trust that any head-turning will only be temporary
Thank you so much for replying here hazeleyes and Louise....at least as a friend said to me that if my daughter is coping with this well and seems ok, then at least that is something, as her welfare is the most important...so I'm trying very hard to see the positive in that at least.
I'm just scared that soon he will say that they want her to live with them, and she will go because they can offer her more things( which at a teenager's time of life seems wonderful I know)...Maybe I'm just being paranoid again....
But it's also the realisation that he could be in a very longterm relationship with this woman, which is hitting it home to me too....
At least I've stopped crying....
Oh, and he spoke to me on the phone beforehand asking to collect some of his winter things which I said 'fine' to,but I would be out, and he said to my daughter that he thought it was good I was getting out and meeting new people( thinking I was going out on a date), but my daughter told him I was only taking my girlfriend home...
Just because he's off with the old and on with the bloody new!
Well the weather here hazeleyes is changeable, I put some washing out and it got soaked, so it is now even wetter and still on the washing line....
Oh, and I still haven't done any bagging up....I just can't get the momentum to do it...
Thanks again for your support here. It's invaluable to me...
Hi Mich. Your friend is spot on, and it's great that you're trying to see the positive, though I realise how extremely hard it must be for you. The worry of whether or not they will ask your daughter to move in must be painful for you too, but don't think too much about the future, it might never happen.
The weather yuk. I ummed and aarghed about whether to put my washing on line, but decided against it. Just as well really, or else I'd be like you right now, nearly dry, then soaked again!!! I just managed to get neighbours grass cut, before the rain started phew
Thanks hazeleyes....you're right...
At least you managed to get some grass cut, that is very good.
It was good Mich, but it wasn't my own grass!!!
But grass nonetheless.....I still think 'well done'.
Well as you have suggested Louise, I have phoned the tax credit line at 8am on Sunday( today), and the automated message says the lines are closed today....
So I'm now going to go back to bed and listen to the CD of' I can mend your broken heart'
NOOOO, they are closed! well that must be new opening hours, I am so sorry to have given you wrong information then. It says Sunday on the letter I have from them!
Hope you get on Ok with your book. There are a lot of tear-jerking things around at the moment with the tenth anniversary of 9.11 and even though we might not have been involved it sparks memories of other things too.
I know it is hard to think of what is happening with your daughter in a positive light but hazeleyes is right, don't meet trouble halfway. Hope you have a decent day and talk to you later
No worries Louise( I'm still here looking at posts)...
It said: 8am-8pm Mon-Fri, and 8am-4pm Sat..
Yes today 9/11 not good...
I read that you are meeting a friend today, so I hope you both have a great day..
I don't have anything planned myself, so we'll see...
I have nothing planned here either. It's blowing a gale and I know its going to get so much worse!
Be kind to you Mich. Are you able to do something with your daughter today? Maybe watch a dvd and have some toast and jam while watching it. (Glee is all the rage here). Just sometimes sitting down together (or out for a drive together) can be the nicest thing. Time out but time out together...
hope you had a good day mich ?
Hi mich and shaz, hope you've both had a good day. Been very quiet and relaxing here, well apart from the normal routine on a Sunday. I absolutely loathe Sundays.
Hi Mich, did you have a good Sunday after all?
I was just reading about how you thought your daughter was swayed by her father and might want to end up living with him.
I remember having the same thoughts many moons ago, don't worry, it is pretty rare for a child to want to leave their 'home' and their 'mum' to move on to somewhere else, however appealing it might seem.
I think you should ensure that you and she have lots of fun times, cosy times, sharing times, the mother daughter relationship can't be beaten!
Hi all,
Well Sunday a friend came round, Monday I was working, and Tuesday busy in town.So sorry I haven't managed to get on here.
Today I have a couple of friends coming over for this morning and afternoon.
My tax credit form came( well booklet- yikes!), so I have to read through and fill that all in.
My tumble dryer is making a horrendous noise so I'll have to get someone out to look at it,( I'm not really using it now to save on electricity, which I've just heard has gone up 11% this year).
I'm listenting to the Paul McKenna CD every night ( How to transfrom your life in seven days), so hopefully something good subliminally is going into my subconscious.
I'm still thinking that with time, it isn't getting any easier so far, but at least today I don't feel quite so bad as the Sun is shining.
The other estate agent came round yesterday, so again I emailed my husband asking him to please contact/see his bank so that I could at least know what money I would have to put to a flat, but no answer back from him yet. Both agents so far have said that we have a six week window to sell the house otherwise it will drop off at the end of October by about 70%. At this rate I could be stuck here for at least another six months in Limbo.....
I'm trying to arrange to meet another single Mum on SPIN that I joined tomorrow in town, so if she gets back to me, we'll meet up. Also, there is the Meetup groups that I've joined, and on Saturday there is aone hour photo taking event and then in a local cafe tea and cake meeting, which I'm hoping to go to.
The thing is though, that as I'm still trying to sort my finances out it's a bit difficult because my return bus fare is £3.70 going up to £4.00 after 18th, and with tea and cake on top of that, it soon adds up doesn't it? I feel I'm trying to watch every penny at the moment, and I know that my husband is out and about having a great time, and that really hurts just now too.
Anyway, how is eveyone else feeling today?
You have done loads of positive things, well done you I know what you mean about the expense of things. It's worth having a think about whether there is money you can save on anything else so you can enjoy these social outings as I think they are so important.
Have you told the Council tax people there is only one adult in the house now? Puts the bill down by 25%
One thing I have found really helpful (although annoying haha) is to write down EVERYTHING I spend in a week. I don't mean the electricity as such but day to day stuff like a coffee or food shopping or a newspaper. Worth adding it all up and see if there is any leeway there too. And look at the standing orders/direct debits coming from your bank account to make sure they are all neccessary. if there are any charity ones then maybe those coiuld be set aside as well, as you need to look after yourself right now.
One very useful website that I use for loads of things is here
Hope you have a nice evening!
Hi Mich. Hope you're doing ok today. xx
Thanks Louise and hazeleyes...
Yes, I have told the council tax people already....( and my sister-in-law mentioned that there might be more of a reduction when I get my tax credits through, but I don't know if that is correct or not). I have also filled in and posted back my tax credit form...
Tomorrow at 11am I am meeting another single Mum in Town who is also a member of spin for a coffee which hopefully will be good( scary meeting new people, but I'm doing that too).
Yes, I agree I need to start writing things down, I don't have any outgoings direct debit wise that can be stopped, but yes I need to keep a track although I have been trying to be very frugal.
I HATE jogging, but with one of my friends who came round earlier I have said I will join her in the local park to start it up( at least it will get me out of the house and is free and healthy)...so wish me luck on that one as I'm SO unfit! ( So that's Monday morning sorted out).
I'll check out that site Louise...and how are you both tonight?
I was really tired last night after meetings most of the day. Put my feet up and watched benidorm, which always makes me laugh.
Good luck with the jogging! 
I think maybe your sister in law meant that you might be entitled to some Council Tax Benefit. It's worth applying, although if you are on Working Tax Credit, you might be just over the limit....I always think apply for everything, though!!
Morning Louise, Oh ok, thanks for that....
Oh meetings all day? I bet you were tired.I have never seen Benidorm although people say it's good.
I'm still not sure about the jogging....* groan*
Anyway I'm in a bit of a funny mood today, can't put my finger on it but needed to just come here before I get ready to go out. It's lovely and sunny,but at the moment I don't feel quite right...I hate these mood swings...
Yes the mood changes can be alarming. The process you are going through is a grieving one similar to that experienced in bereavement. Now, you will be able to look up lots of sites that will discuss the stages of grief, as if you are supposed to move smoothly and predictably through them. Reality is very different. You can feel Ok one minute and desperately low the next. It is completely normal. All I would ask of you is that you are not "surprised" by ANYTHING you feel. Just roll with it, it is its own healing process. If you find you are stuck for more than a couple of weeks in a permanently low place then that is the time to see your GP but otherwise trust to Nature.......although there are many things you can do to help such as exercise, music, trying to eat sensibly, not drinking heavily, solving pracitcal difficulties, spending time with friends...in other words all the things you are doing. Do you know what? You are doing a great job!
Hi Mich, I just wanted to say that you are doing a fab job, it is a really difficult time to go through and I agree that it feels like a bereavement. Someone once said to me that it feels worse than a bereavement as the person you have lost is still around and if you have kids, you still have to have some form of contact with them.
I am two and a half years down the line and I still find that I have lots of good and bad days. I find the best thing is to keep busy and not to sit and mope which I know is easier said than done when you feel done.
You are doing a great job and sound like you have been very proactive!
Hey Mich, I am thrilled you have been in touch with SPIN and you have met someone this morning (did you go??! )
Reading your last post this morning, about the strange mood you were in, I agree with Louise, it is an odd feeling moving on and by meeting someone new there is a kind of logic and acceptance changing in your brain that says, this is me now.
Hey well done for doing the tax credit form! They are always a nightmare
Looking forward to how your morning has been.
Thanks so much for your support.
I DID go out and meet someone, and she was lovely. We non stop chatted for about three hours, and hope to maybe get a small group together to meet up again.( I said I might as well make use of this house while I'm still stuck in it).
Then another friend came round this evening. He's been a friend of ours for about 22 years, and he was great because he managed to set a black and white printer up for my daughter,( so at least she can print out any homework she needs for school). It was also good because she told me her teachers have said that she is expected to get A* for her GCSEs, so I just hope all this doesn't affect her too much and spoil that for her.Then a I made a nice curry for our dinner. My daughter said she really didn't want it, but actually ate most of it up, so that was good, and I managed a small portion myself too.
Yes, Anna I just hope I have filled the Tax Credit form all in ok ( and now the three week wait to get it processed).
I have to agree sam.w, It's upsetting when I get to hear what he has been talking about to my daughter at dinner, or if he wants to pop in to get more things etc.
He still hasn't replied to my email I sent a couple of days ago about the estate agent, so I don't bloody know what he's playing at. I even tried to say in a nice way that now he has found happiness, I need to get on with my life too, and need a fresh start and we only really have a six week window to get the house on the market, and that he needs to speak to the bank and find out what the redemption fees are and what deposit money he might need.
Anyway, I'm working tomorrow, so I hope everyone can get a peaceful night's sleep.
hi mich ye si hated doing them forms i have filled so many forms it drives u mad . i have redone my income support one 3 times as they now say that i may have been paid wrong !! just hope they say i need to get more then that is ok . thats nice about the printer yes i have a neighbour that as helped me alot and a friend of his came and sorted my computer out anddone afew jobs for me here . i knew him but he as been really good since hubby went even his brother in law came and changed the alarm code for me as i didnt feel safe . i would keep a key in the door so he as to knock to get in thats what i did for my ex till he was on bail then in away i felt i was incontrol as he just couldnt walk in as he wanted . he didnt like it but tough and i would always take my time too lol what is spin? sounds ok in too meeting new friends hope u ok
Hi Mich, brilliant to hear that you and the other woman got on well! 3 hours of chatting sounds fab! Keep us updated about any group you might set up.
Here at Single Parent Action Network we have helped single parents set up groups for many years (when we have had the funding!) and are now quite experienced at it!
You can do our Grow Your Group course online in the Your Learning part of the site, to help with some pointers.
I hope you hear from your ex shortly.
shaz 5 - SPIN is an information and signposting service for single parents in Brighton.
Glad you both have people in your life that can help with those awkward things that you haven't quite figured out yet. You will be surprised, in time you will find that you become totally self sufficient!
Hope you are having a good day :)
Well Anna, I spoke to him on Friday night before he took my daughter to dinner ( as I still hadn't heard from him), and it was as if he was so preoccupied with getting my Satnav holder out of my car into his( as apparently they had broken his when he got his car MOT'd) he wouldn't give me his full attention.Later on he told my daughter he had been very busy at work, and he would try to speak to his bank on Friday.He also can't yet move in with his new woman as her husband is still in the house( which is annoying her as she says he has been sponging off her for two years- since they got married).So my husband and her make a nice pair eh?
I received a letter from my Solicitor this morning,outlining things we had discussed( with a few incorrect points), but it did say that if I get any money or money from the house then I would have to pay back the Legal Aid costs( which would then bring down the amount I would have to get a flat), so that doesn't seem that good for me either...So it would mean that if I need a Solicitor,I would have to use her very frugally.
Also, went out to meet a group of new people through the Meetup site, and got the wrong weekend! DOH! My brain!...Still I met my daughter and a few of her friends for a meal in Nandos...It was a bit pricey for me, but it did take my mind off things for a while, so worth it I think.
I can't really budget very well at the moment, as I don't really know what tax credit amounts I might get, BUT it looked scary when I saw my amended Council Tax bill ( with the 25% off), that said I would need to pay £140 a month( yikes!),and that's without other bills...So, I am going to have to ask my husband to see if he can pay that for me.
How is everyone else today?
hi mich i had that when i firts took the 25% off tax bill i was like ouch they said i would pay £75 a month then the first payment was £102 then £92 i have since had to call again and yet fill in more forms as now im on income support now they say i dont have to pay anything and last week i had a letter saying that but i still had to call them as i still couldnt make it out at all and now they owe me but that could take up too a month to send it to me . funny how when they owe u it takes longer to the money ! hope u ok otherwise ? x
Thanks shaz5...Yes, I'll have to see if things change when I know what Tax credits I can get..
It was lovely having my daughter's friends stay over...but I woke up very early with my head turning things over and over, and had a bit of an anxiety attack again...as I felt scared, lonely, and it just seemed that these feelings are never ending...scared I think because of the money worry issues, and well, just seeing a long road of loneliness ahead...I tried to shake myself out of it, and control my breathing, but it wasn't easy....and now I am in the house alone, as my daughter has gone out...
I just see a sea of nothingness ahead at the moment....( I KNOW that feeling will pass, but it's horrible when you are caught up in the moment of it)...It's really a case of 'stop the World, I want to get off!' at the moment...
I'm going to pop over to daily chat now...
Thanks all for listening...
Yes, you will get through this, it is such early days and you are doing fantastically. I remember that I felt as if I was walking through treacle for months, mind you there wasn't this site in those days (as electricity hadn't been invented 
) You will look back in a few months time and be amazed at how far you have come
thats what i keep telling myself when im feeling low like i do today and have cried alittle today too then i feel silly as would he be crying dont think so !
Yes, you're both right...but that's the thing shaz5 because HE wouldn't be crying it makes it even worse if they are happy...and so doesn't seem fair at all...
Still, I am watching catch up QI on TV and hearing laughter helps...
It must've been awful Louise not to have the support here then when you were going through the worst of it...Hugs..
hi mich yes you are right which is waht made me more mad and cried more is i knew he wouldnt be upset even my son said that and he is 10 then said he hates him for this ! thankgod for this site xx hugs to all of us
It's great to help each other along 
Morning all,
Well I'm all ready to go jogging...I'll let you know if I survive!
EEEK, good luck! 
I'm sure I should understand that term...
Ok, so went jogging( or rather 'walking briskly'-ish)...I reckon we did 2 miles...but as I have no stamina whatsoever, and I mostly walked...it was a beautiful morning, but again I had a mood swing( and there's me thinking the endorphins would kick in)...I also did the 'swingy legs' apparatus( that they have in the park), and that actually wasn't too bad...
I came home, and had a hot bath...and felt really achy and knackered...
I did though manage to get quite a bit of washing done, and now the bed stuff is drying on the line...
Great stuff Mich.
You went jogging (not just talked about it - which I am guilty of!! 
) and got a fair bit of washing done, well done you. You did it!
The endorphins will have kicked in, you obviously got on with things when you got home. Its strange how our mood can shift so strangelythough. I once taught a course supporting women with Anxiety and Depression and your message reminded me of one of the sessions, it was about the thoughts that we think. 'Negative thoughts' that seep into our everyday lives.
There was a picture of a woman in a park on a beautiful day with the flowers in full bloom, she is bending down near the edge of a river with a grim look on her face, the caption said
"Despite it being a beautiful spring day, janet could only think about the flower that died.
Our thoughts create our emotions, so we have to learn how to capture our thoughts and turn them around.
I hope the weather stays good and you have lovely fresh smelling laundry tonight!
Hello, you are making progress day by day :-)
Counselling training is a long process but very interesting. The rules of the profession are changing and it is being proposed that you eventually take a degree in it. However, there are two stages before that. The first is called Introduction to Counselling Skills and lasts for one term only, you will find one of these at your local college. You can do this without any GCSEs. The second stage is the Certificate, and although you need to check at your local college, I would say that would need you to have some GCSEs, simply because there are some written assessments.
It strikes me that you would easily pass GCSEs though, you can tell that by the way you write! so don't be put off, it would be good to do the Introductory course anyway as you learn a lot about yourself but I would say wait till next September as it is hard while you are going through a difficult time in your life...but you might be able to do a couple of GCSEs this year in the meantime
Have a look at this page for some ideas!!