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Hi Mich
Hope you enjoyed the talk. No, the money going into your account won't affect things as it can be seen as child support.....another thing you need to sort. What I was thinking was that if you got all the benefit side sorted then you could draw up a monthly budget and say to H "I have X coming in, in terms of wages and benefits, and I need a minimum of X per month from you to make up the shortfall" He could set up a monthly standing order for the agreed amount, you no longer have to email him etc, and you are then IN CONTROL. whoopee!!!!
Hi Mich how are you feeling today? Im with you on the up and down moods i have them too xxxx Hope your daughter has a good birthday party have you got loads to do?
Hope you're ok today mich. xx
Evening ladies, and thanks so much...
Right well I'll start from the 'Talk'...well it wasn't good I'm afraid...This man was giving his ideas from his book saying how the blood in the body is more important than the body because it sends out radiation to connect the soul/spirit to inside the body...
Well, I just thought I wish I could come up with a load of old twaddle to sell a book and get rich...Now please don't get me wrong, I am very open minded about all sorts of things, and about the spirit etc., but that was taking it too far I think...
Anyway,I was then working on Thursday, and today I met up with my friend again( single Mum), and then went party food shopping for my daughter's Birthday party, that is now taking place downstairs...so all I can hear is loud music, singing at the tops of their voices...teens with raging hormones, and alcohol...I told my daughter that they should eat the food to line their stomachs, and if any of them was sick to go out to the garden...and that she will be clearing everything up...( between you and me, I can't wait for this to be over)...
Oh and Louise, I just need to get to January and the new year where I can hopefully sell this house, get my flat, and that will be my focus to move on...Then I will be able to see what's what with bills etc....and then hopefully be able to budget better...because he will also then be getting his mortgage sorted and getting a flat...then we can discuss other things...I just want to try and get a flat for me sorted first..( as long as he doesn't start being difficult, and stays as he is at the moment, so again not trying to ask for Child support yet, as it's a bit of a difficult/delicate situation and I don't want to antagonise him...if you see what I'm saying)..I am actually just emailing him and not very often, and only when I have to...He wants to come over tomorrow to give my daughter her Birthday card, so I told her to contact him, as she told me she won't be up early tomorrow...( I just sent a short text saying such, but it was ok, as he also wants more clothes and tools, and the pressure washer)...I hopefully won't have to see him though...I haven't seen him for two weeks now,( it seems longer actually), but I prefer it that way too...I don't actually want to see him..
Oh and Shaz 5 the mouse was really, really small....and thanks trying hard, and hazeleyes...
On here I'm sure sparkling or hazeleyes mentioned that they emailed each other...how did you manage to do this, as PM's don't work here. Did you actually meet in real life?
Have you guys got anything planned for the weekend?
Hi Mich
Well I hope you survived the party!!! I think you are very brave and I had to smile at your stipulation of being sick in the garden, that is excatly what I would have said too.
The talk you went to sounds awful! I have been to quite a lot of talks on alternative things and try to be open minded but sensible. As you say, some of them are a lot of old twaddle.....and I think some things can frighten people too.
As for email addresses, I think someone did post their address online and this was passed on before the thread was moderated, that's all.....and at that time we were wondering whether to have a Personal Message service anyway, and so the rules were less clearly defined.
What are you doing this weekend? Hope your daughter's visit with her dad is OK. I am having a really nice quiet two days. Jobs to do, but not sure I will be as diligent as I should be 
happy birthday to your daughter mich hop ethe party went well xx so sorry the talk didnt go well . yes i think the both of us really need the new year for a fresh start . hope you ok and staying strong xx
Hi mich. Hope the party went ok, and your daughter had a brilliant time.
As for the e.mail address, if I remember correctly, Sparkling and myself were the only ones on line once, so one or the other took the opportunity to give it, and then deleted the post (now of course, we cannot delete them) This was before One Space had a makeover! We haven't met up, but maybe one day, when the money rolls in hehe.
It was when there was the yahoo chat symbol, we clicked on it and could chat...
Have to say by then though that hazeleyes and I had sort of got to know each other pretty well... and it's going back over two years.
Thanks as regards to the emails...
Well, the party went ok..( a few hiccups, but no major disasters ), and about seven girls stayed over, and all pitched in to help clear up the next day...Apparently all the teens loved the party...
Now saturday afternoon was a different story...My H came over to give my daughter her card, collect some things and get the pressure washer and tools...( I was in the lounge, and my daughter was in her sleeping bag on the sofa and her friend)...He knocked on the door to ask if he could have a drink, so I said "yes fine"..Then he knocked again so my daughter went, and he wanted to speak to me...He said about the reply to my email( which I said yes, I know about...He has given money for the cat and the Council tax)....and I said to him that I wasn't being funny, but I didn't want to see him to get over this...I said I didn't mind emails or texts..he said ok...
Then when he went to leave, I told my daughter to see him out, and she said she was too comfortable, so he left...Then she got a text to her phone saying how gobsmacked and hurt he was that she couldn't be bothered to see him out!( See what I mean...It's all about THEM, isn't it?)Bl**dy cheek, if he hadn't run off with another woman, she wouldn't have to be seeing him out!..Anyway he phoned as she must've put another reply, and then asked to speak to me, and my daughter replied that I didn't want to speak to him either...anyway, to try and keep it calm I left a message on his phone, and when he called back, he started to go on about it, and saying that he wasn't going to give her money for this and that,...so I calmly stopped him and said that it was up to HIM to sort out their relationship, not me!...
So yes, very upsetting for me...she's on the phone to him now sorting it out, and I think they've made up again..
I can see that I'm not constantly in floods of tears, but have a little cry now and then..and I'm not getting anxiety attacks like I did...but after two months now, I'm still feeling that awful alone/loneliness...and I really, really want that feeling to pass...Yes, you're right shaz5...and New Year a New start!
I hope you enjoyed your two days Louise...
Sparkling and hazeleyes...It's lovely getting to know someone well, and have that friendship, you might well meet up one day...I wish we had a chat function here though...
Anyway, hope everyone's Monday is a good one..I'm working Monday at least...
Hugs xxx
morning mich yes new start and it will pass for us but as we are the ones dealing with this for us it will take abit longer , they have nothing to sort out other that when they are next going out etc yes i agree with you that they turn it around to being all about them . they dont see what they have done but it is us and to taht i say that they are in denial but it as got to hit them at some point !! yes when my sons didnt want to have muc to do with my ex it was me i was putting them up to it or it wa me saying this not them and how he hadnt got time for this no what he was really saying was he didnt want to hear it or face up to it ok rant over
glad the party went well me i would have let your daughter be like she wants around him i did and will when they get to se him again they have to see that they are hurting too and they cant hid from what they have done
hope you are well i still do have down days but i dont seem to cry like i used too but i still have aweep but it doesnt seem to last when i do cry these days i think that is normal and is a sign we are coping well or moving on
hope u have a good day x
Hi Mich
You did so well to handle all that business on Saturday afternoon like that! That was so the right thing to do. It IS up to him to sort his relationship with his daughter, and yes you have made fantastic progress so far.
It was a conscious decision not to have a live chat facility on here because we felt that we want to keep some control over the site and protect those who may be vulnerable. Obviously we expect all members to take responsibility for their own safety but we try our best to provide a secure arena for contact. That's the rationale behind it anyway. Members are still able to arrange to be online at the same time and go in the chat section.
Hope your Monday goes Ok at work 
Hi all, Mich you did brilliantly at the weekend, staying well out of your daughter and her fathers relationship. Well done you.
Yes the loneliness will be hard, but it won't be forever, especially as your daughter is a bit older you can have more of a life yourself
It sounds like you are getting out and about a lot more, good for you.
How is your cat now? Any more mice? Is she still scratching?
hi mich hope u are ok and hows the cat ?
Well, mornings still not great( haven't thought of anything yet that helps, but it will get better at some point). Have been a bit up and down..but still here, so that's a bonus...
I have also unfriended my H on facebook( not that I am often on there, but it's another step I feel).
Earlier my daughter went to the Cinema with her friends and the house was a bit like a cold, quiet mausoleum...but the heating has now come on and my daughter texted me to say the film has ended...and I feel a bit better...I also have a nice turkey stew in the slow cooker for later when she gets home.
I re-bandaged the cat's neck with a fresh new one yesterday and it was raw again, and at first she tried scratching, but I've kept an eye on her as much as I can, and not let her outside, so I'm just hoping I can get it to a stable stage....( It's been so tiring to try and stop her from scratching though)..
Thanks for the explainination about the live chat louise..( I guess I could chat for GB in the Olympics online)....even if I'm quieter in RL...
Well the thing is Anna, I'm more lonely atm, when my daughter isn't here in the house....I suppose I will get over that too though at some point...I just hate this 'needy' feeling I keep having, as it's not really like me at all...
But yes, I am still trying to get out and about too...I am seeing a counsellor through work on Thursday( which I think I mentioned before...I think it's six one hour sessions), so I will let you know how that goes... In the morning on Thursday I have to drop my daughter off at School at 4.15am for her trip,( not looking forward to that early morning though).
Hugs for you Shaz, sparkling and hazeleyes too...
Well done for unfriending him. FB does have advantages, but so many sides to it that aren't quite so good...
Your poor cat. That must be so irritating. I wonder if quarter a piriton would help with the itching? You could ask the vet, just in case. With the dog I get piriton's over the counter at a chemist as they're so much cheaper and do help her. She's huge, and I know very different to a cat!! Just a though though...
I'm sure the turkey stew was tasty. We had one last week. I should do another as it is definitely stew weather. Torrential rain showers here, and it looks thundery out too.
Early start for you tomorrow!!
My fifteen year old is ice skating on Friday with the youth club, and then doing a "stay awake". I'll help with the stay awake! Although I'll probably bore them and send them to sleep!!
Hope you're ok today.
xx
Hi Mich
The thing about the house being quiet....think that happens whenever there is a big life change, whether relationship breakup or child leaving home, I certainly found it when my eldest went.
The counselling will be a big help, I am sure.
Don't envy you doing that 4.15am dropoff. How long is your daughter away for? Have you got some nice things planned for you?
morning mich yes the house seems empty here when i have dropped the kids off at school and i come back i try to either walk home then i will walk to work so that takes time up or thats when i do jobs to keep my mind on things . for us two its still at the early stages and yes i get the needing feeling too . must be a stage of what we are going through .
i too took my ex off fb not at first we were still friends he even wrote on my wall happy birthday in may . but i was looking at his pic and asking why , what when etc but never getting anywhere so i decided to remove him then i have blocked him so he cant find me even done that in my madien name too . it is a step in the write way.
hope the cat is ok hope your daughter as a lovely trip going anywhere nice ?
Hi mich, your home is your castle. I am glad you have put the heating on.
I never really felt the empty nest syndrome as all I ever wanted was a break from having to constantly worry, think and consider my daughters needs. So any time I have the house to myself I run around in all the rooms in glee! So slightly different from your situation.
Perhaps when you move next year, you will feel more ownership over your home and surroundings and take great pleasure in curling up with a book in the front room without a teenager skulking around!!
The needy feeling - I think when we are faced with single parenthood, it can actually be a blessing, we are forced to face ourselves and really get to know ourselves, in a way that would probably never happen whilst in a relationship.
If you are feeling needy, acknowledge that. At one point, as a new mother, I would spend time talking to the inner me/my inner child. I know this can sound bonkers to some people, but it made me realise there was a very sad little girl inside me, who had been let down and I was the only one who understood that and could look after her and make her feel better.
You want to be loved, we all do, but perhaps at this point you need to be loved by you, as there is no one providing the love that you need.
Do you like writing? One exercise that I once did to do was sit down once a week and write for an hour - about anything, if I didn't know what to write, I had to write just that. Just kept the pen moving. It was really interesting reading it back a month later, I thought WOW, I didnt realise that is what I really thought. At those moments of neediness, perhaps you could sit down and write, let the pen and your heart do the writing. Is that something you could do?
hi anna i have started to write about my life and things that have happened to me and though in away i found that as been helping me .
Hi shaz5, thats great that it is helping, do you find it interesting too?
Do you tend to write exactly what has happened or do you let yourself wander a bit?
Sometimes I am surprised at what I write, I start intending to write one thing but before I know it I am somewhere else and something comes out that might have zipped across my mind, but I have never stopped and focussed on before. Things do become clearer, I have found, do you?
I have two books.
One is a journal and the other is a "rant and rave" book - with bold writing on it warning others not to read it!
I do find writing is such an outlet...
Afternoon ladies...
At least I feel slightly less awful than I did the other day...which is such a relief because that was a truly horrible feeling, and yes...I might try that Anna, some good advice...
Sparkling and shaz, my daughter got off ok...she's in Pompeii until Monday...
You're right shaz, we are at about the same stage I think..The cat's neck still isn't good, but my neighbour is looking after her while I stay the night at my friend's
Louise, actually not too sure about the counselling.She asked me what I thought I should get out of it( to which I replied that I didn't know as I'd never done anything like it before)..I also noticed that she tried to stifle yawns a couple of times( not good)...She also asked if I thought he'd been bored or/and confused,or going through a mid-life crisis, to which I replied that he could well've been as after all he'd left me, but I didn't know what was going on in his head as he never really said anything...( then afterwards I thought, was she thinking I was boring then?)...She then said I looked relieved when I asked her if it was normal to have these 'needy' or alone feelings, and she said it was...so I told her I was relieved as I was feeling so awful at that time...
Anyway, I have another session booked and wil see how it goes, to give it a chance..
What're you guys up to this weekend?
Hugs to you all xx
I like the writing idea.
Yes, Mich do give the counsellor another go BUT if you see her stifling a yawn I think it would be quite in order to say " I just noticed you stifled a yawn, and you did that last time too, I feel uncomfortable about that"....but you might need to find another counsellor if the next session isn't very helpful. Remember Anna had to try three different counsellors and certainly I saw one myself a few years ago who, whilst a lovely person, wasn't very effective for me.
Pompeii, hope your daughter will have a nice time, what are you up to over the weekend? Anything social arranged or some time at home, like me?
hi mich hope you are well hope your cat is ok and taht you enjoyed your night with friends x
Hi mich. Hope your daughter is having a lovely time. Enjoy the quiet time.
Wow! That will be an exeprience for her.
I hope you're ok mich.
xx
Hi Mich
How did your free time go? Did your daughter have a great time in pompeii?
Afternoon ladies....
Well, my daughter got back yesterday and had a great time,thank you. She took lots of photo's( I managed to get a very good deal at work on a camera for her Birthday which she took with her).
The weekend was actually a good break for me, because I helped out my friend and stayed over at hers...and it was nice because she has twin teenage daughters and a 3 year old, so the house was full of life...I really wish I was in the place where she is, getting on with her life and coping well....( I suppose it's that I feel I'm not coping that well, and after just over two months, although still early days, sometimes the feelings are more overwhelming than they were to start with, but maybe that's because the shock has now subsided and the feelings feel deeper now...Does that make sense?)Almost like it will never get better( although in my head when I'm being sensible I know it MUST get better).
I am now sitting alone at home at my computer with my cat on my lap( her neck is dry but as soon as it scabs over she scratches at it again, so it worse than trying to keep an eye on a baby)...
I felt very weird this morning...worrying about finances if/when I move and things, but that feeling has subsided a bit...I just couldn't get myself motivated...but at least now I have phoned about the Council Tax benefit, and they are going to send me a form to fill in for it.I have also phoned to make an appointment for my daughter at the Dr. to get her updated immunisation jabs.So a couple of positive things...
I hate those feelings when they come upon me though....I find I get a bit overwhelmed by them...
I will take your advise to on the counsellor Louise( see? you're right I must be more assertive and say something if I see her do that again).
Thinking of you all: Louise, Anna, Sparkling, shaz, hazeleyes, sam, hopeful, and trying...Hugs xx
I do hope your cat behaves and doesn't scratch!
I'm so glad your daughter had a good time.
And yes, it is very early days for you, and you really are doing brilliantly
Glad your daughter had a fab time
As for feelings, I am posting a link to an article about grieving here. It is actually about bereavement but the emotional process is the same. This will show you that amongst the early feelings there is shock and disbelief and you're right it can "numb" things a little. It shows ME very clearly that you are moving forward into the next phase....I know it feels worse to you but actually it means your recovery is progressing.
Thanks sparkling....and thanks so much for that too Louise...it really does help to know that maybe I'm not losing my marbles, and it is normal to feel like this, and I AM progressing even though I feel like I'm going backwards( as that's what I want to happen above all things, is to be able to move forward)...Hugs to youxx
Oh yes, and wanted to add...because at the moment too, I'm not actually missing 'him' so again that is something I think ( I have told him I don't want to see him, and also I have no feelings that I need to keep talking/emailing/texting him...unless it's something to do with money or the house), and I also deleted him on Facebook and not peeked at his new profile picture, so yes that's positive too...it's just as you say Louise the grief feelings of the lost relationship...so yes, if at least they feel stronger now the shock has subsided but at least change to something else ( maybe as bad but just different)...then they are at least keeping fluid...Yes, thank you for that link...
Hi Mich. I think you're doing fantastically well for just a few short months. To even not have the need to text, e.mail etc is a real achievement too. Well done Glad your daughter had a good time. I'm sure she had lots to tell you about the trip. It's good that you also had a break, even if you did end up in a house with teenagers and a little un! When they're not your own, it's different though isn't it? Take care. xx
Thanks hazeleyes...Well unfortunately I actually wanted to be in a full house because my emotions at the time were of extreme loneliness and feeling alone...so it was a great relief actually....
I'm glad though that those feelings aren't so strong at the moment...
How have you been today?
I have to say that I function far better with a full house...
hi mich really glad that your daughter had a fab time . you have done well to have deleted your ex so quick for me i only did that about a 2 months ago but i have looked at my friends his fb and i cried but now i just think he is a t... ! among other words you will feel that you are soing ahead then feel like you have took 100 steps backwards even me , i did last week i felt really like i had stepped back to the start . i hadnt but that is how i felt . mine is now 5 months and i can say that i still have down days but i cry but it doesnt last for long now when i do , now whether that is a sign that im moving on who knows . people say im looking great and im looking stronger . i still look at myself and ask why did he do this what did i do wrong when i should ask what did he do wrong .
for us is still early days yours being more early then mine but doing little steps its a big step for us . and blocking them on fb and not texting all good for us . i have even deleted his numbers out of my phone so i did have to see him there
so stay in there we will get through this and come through stronger and better and we will have the last laugh when we are happy and they are sat alone as i was told that day will happen have a good day xx
Hi Mich, your lucky girl - Pompeii, I really want to go there!! One day eh?!
I think you are doing fabulously, not only are you getting out and about, meeting new people etc.
Trust yourself and allow this process.
It was good that you were able to spend the weekend with your friend, recognising that she is happy in her life and seems to be coping well - she will be a great role model!
It was my daughters 17th yesterday, I can't believe we have managed to get to this age in one piece! We went for a day at a spa and had such a lovely time, laughing and giggling!
Do you have any plans/treats for you and your daughter?
Afternoon averyone...
Yes Shaz you are right....I think too, that because I'm not yet at the 'indifference stage' it's still too painful to see what he is up to with her and so choose not to put myself through the pain....as I'd rather just not know...one day I hope I won't care, so it won't bother me then if I see him or not...But I don't really care now the whys and wherefores of him leaving, and I definitely don't blame myself for him going off..I agree though I just wish I was in a good emotional state to meet someone else because my figure hasn't been this good in years...bl**dy typical eh?
But yours is still only five months too anyway Shaz...so i think you're doing brilliantly well..I must admit I still have a little cry now and then, but at least it isn't those wracking sobbing sessions I had to start with, so again that's something...
I really hope that we do have the last laugh...I have to say I'm not quite so convinced about that though.
Yes sparkling...I too like hearing the chatter and such in a full house...
I will try and take your advice too Anna...'Trust yourself and allow trhis process'..I like that...at least today the feelings aren't so intense, and I can cope with them better..( it's just when they were so strong, it really got me down, and I hated feeling like that)...But you're right my friend is great!
Happy Birthday too for your daughter yesterday...I hope she had a great Birthday!
I don't have any plans or treats fro me and mydaughter...as she had her party the other week, and that was a big thing for her....She is seeing her father tonight though..and having fun with her friends...so I don't want to spoil those times for her, as she's also at that age where she doesn't really want to be hanging about with Mum...we sometimes watch a bit of TV together, but at the moment she likes to go out with her friends or go on facebook or sing in her room.....I was maybe hoping to go and see the new Twighlight film with her,( so I'll try and save up for it), but again she might choose to go with her friends...I don't want her to feel that she has to stay or be with me...she knows I am here for her though.
Hi mich. With your new figure, they'll be queuing at the door soon enough 
Hah hazeleyes...shame I haven't got the 'face' to go with it!
Hope today goes well, Mich and take care
hi mich yes me too since he left i have lost loads of weight hair cut short and new colour lol and i see it as his loss !!
last fri when he went to court and lost it there when they said he couldnt see my son well he seemed upset as i was at my friends and i looked at his fb and he was out at a fancy dress party he really seemed upset and destressed my foot !!!! my point is where is his fight before fir in his fight to see the kids nothing till the weekend before and thats it , he did ask in aug for my neighbours to be the third party so he could see them , so really there as been no fight which hurts mine is too wrapped up in new life and his self but leave him as he will miss out
we will get through this i do cry but not as much these days
Thanks Louies and Shaz,
Yes yesterday was a better day...will tell you about it late...also working the late today...See you later.xx
Afternoon all,
Well Thursday and Friday were better days emotionally for me, although this morning wasn't great,( but getting better now). I have a friend popping by in a bit to keep me company for a few housr...my daughter has gone into Town with her friends and is then going on to a Fireworks display later with them.
What's everyone else doing tonight? Anything?
The fireworks were yesterday evening at the rugby club. Been to a friend's - and she made mufftns and a loaf for me while I was there!
I hope you enjoy a bit of time with your friend.
xx
Hello Mich glad you had a couple of better days, it will be up and down at the moment amd sometimes you will understand why you feel up or down but most of the time it will not have a logic to it. Gradually the good days will start to outweigh the bad.
Did you have a nice time with your friend?
Afternoon Ladies...
Yes you are right Louise..there is no logic to it....It's just how it is...
I popped in and saw my neighbour after my friend had left, so it was good...
Today i have tried to shred some papers but the shredder has overheated, so i have to wait for it to cool down...( I am still putting off filling in the Council Tax benefit book as it is very long winded....still I MUST do it)...
What's everyone else up to today?
hi mich that is someting i have got to do is shredding but mine always does that over heat then it takes twice as long and i always say im not going to let it build up but do !
at the min that is alll i seem to do is fill in forms and i seem to repeat myself in them too which gets me are well they have to be filled in good luck
Thanks shaz, still not completed it..they need so much info in this form, so might just go down there with what I think I need( Oh and I need to get a child benefit letter)...
Mornings are still not good for me after my daughter has left for school, evenings are ok as I can go to bad with my hot wheat bottle and my Paul McKenna CD...
I have to try and get motivated to go to the Tip again today, but the weather is very dull and gloomy...
I have at least shredded the papers, and the spare room( H's old office room), is more tidy than it was, as I have friends staying the weekend..I still have to make the sofa bed up though...
I think my biggest task is still to clear out the loft, and still not getting motivated to do that...( I also have to clear the cupboard out under the stairs again, as I don't think i will be having another carboot sale, so need to just get rid of that stuff...then maybe I can at least put some Loft stuff in there or something else)..
I am also trying to gather up big boxes from work, to help with packing later...
I had a better chat with my daughter the other day about how it would be a fresh start with moving to a new flat, and that we could have a painting party and she wants to do her new room pink and retro..
I also said that I hoped her father wouldn't start to play silly b**gers, and let us move on...she said if he did she wouldn't speak to him...Bless her...
Anyway, she has her booster injections later at the Dr. after one of her parts of her GCSE exams for science today...but she texted me to say she got a high A in her history( don't know if it's a mock or part of her actual History GCSE mark yet though..)
Even though my emotions aren't great, I suppose I am at least looking a head, so that's a positive, and after all it's not three months yet...
I also am just going out to a local pub later with a friend, so that will get me out for a bit later..
That's about it for now,
hugs,
Hi Mich
You have so much to do, what with clearing the loft, under the stairs, thinking about moving, plus trying to get on with day to day stuff.
What is your first thought in the morning when you wake up? Is it the stress of all the jobs you have to do? Or the sadness of your ex not being around?
If it is the stress of all the things you have to do, write them all down in a list and put them to one side, THEN you don't have to worry about them.
However today you must get on and do the council tax form, once you get going it will be finished. Or if the whole thing seems too much of a task, just do 2 pages and go back later!
Try and make some steps with it before you go to the pub, then you can celebrate
Well done your daughter with her History mark
huge hugs to you mich yes i know the feeling having up and down days ! not nice but we will get through this x
not nice the mouse i would have died i know
hope u have a better day today xx