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Wey hey! Well done for more or less finishing the council tax form, it is such a task. Very good plan to photcopy it.
I guess that morning feeling, is about what you have mentioned before, suddenly you are left to your own thoughts and feelings and a bit of empty nest syndrome.
What did you used to do before your ex left at that time in the morning?
I am thinking as you have Paul Mckenna working for you in the eve, we need to find something or someone, who can do the same in the morning 
Have a nice eve down the pub, have a glass of red for me, I have tai chi tonight, so no drinking for me 
Evening Anna,
Actually it is a good idea to get it photocopied...but I think they just photocopy the relevant paperwork they need, as otherwise it might get lost in the post...
Yes, the morning feeling could be that..I don't know before he left I was actually on my own a lot anyway, so always kept busy with my dolls( which have taken a back burner at the moment)...Hmmnn maybe I can listen to his I can mend a broken hearty in the morning...I just think I should actually use that time to clear things out, as housework keeps you busy and kills time...but again right now it's the motivation things for me...still no doubt that will get better too...
Yes, my friend should be here soon( my daughter is having dinner at her friend's house)...so I might be a devil and have a crabbies ginger beer...I don't actually drink much alcohol, so will then go onto cokes I think...
Hugs,
Hi mich. Hope you enjoyed going to pub with your friend The sorting out is one of those things that you really have to be in the mood for isn't it? Once you get going, it probably won't be that bad, just take it slowly, bop away to some music too 
Writing out forms too is a dreaded hate of mine, some of them are soooooooo long winded!! Take care, and well done to your daughter. Fantastic mark. xx
Good idea about the list, Anna!
Another thing I was thinking while reading your post, Mich, is how empowering it would be if you were able to get rid of a LOT of stuff. Moving it from a to b in the house is Ok but if you do get a flat you are going to have hardly any storage space.....professional house declutterers say "if you haven't used it in the last twelve months then you probably never will" I also think it is nice to keep a memory box or suitcase with the things you DO treasure.....I have got my sons' hospital bracelets in mine, plus the programmes of a couple of things I was in whilst at school, and some special drawings my boys did, and a couple of old love letters 
Your daughter has done so well with her History!!
So, to go back to Anna's question, what are your thoughts in the morning?
hi mich hope your eveing went well yes like louise i have a kept things like what the kids have drawn and things regarding them as babies and i have kept the wedding album for them but anything else gone anything of his is either in the shed or loft so i dont have to see it and i must admit it felt dame good to throw away things and i didnt either wait for him to go through as he wouldnt want to keep them and cards he sent me or things he sent me when we first going out i got rid as it means nothing to me now it was time to move on and look forward, for me anyway plus i didnt want to be reminded of him in the house. most of my things form when i was a kid are still at my moms house and il never get them back but that doesnt bother me
yes when i doing things i like to have the music on and have a bop along too
Afternoon all...well, get this..the mark in her History was only a mock...so that's a shame...and she took part of her Science and said it was really hard because the questions they were asked weren't the topics they had been told to revise, so she's not confident about that at all...
I did get two trips to the tip in, and you are right Louise, I really, really need to get rid of stuff..after all I'll be going from a 4 bed house to a 2 bed flat..
I must do that hazeleyes, when I get to it...i will also get a friend over to try and motivate me...my H said he would do it, but a) I don't want to see him, and b) he put over half the stuff back in the garage if you remember...
I had a lovely evening with my friend last night...she is three years further down the road of divorce than me with my H's friend...we certainly had a good chat, and I bet their ears were on fire!
My thoughts in the morning? Well, maybe it is a touch of empty nest syndrome...I'm not sure...It's not a particular though as such...more a mood, that takes time to lift, so at least if I come on here or answer emails on my computer it does help it lift a bit...yes, it IS more a mood than thoughts....
I am meeting another friend I met at the meetup group the other day( who is also divorced), and we are going for a coffee this afternoon...
How're are you all today?
Hugs(())
hope u have a lovely coffee morning i must look into that site sounds good .
yes i bet theirs ears were burning lol my ex's have dropped off by now :)
Morning all..
Yes shaz...you must..It was lovely too....thank you..Hugs xx
Anywa..* trumpets* I have just got back from the Coucil Tax Benefit office and have completed and given in the form...hoorah!
Later at 5pm I have my second counselling session with that woman...so I will let you know how that goes this time...( someone mentioned Cognative behavioral Therapy), but I asked my Dr about counselling on the NHS, and she didn't seem very forthcoming about any of it....
Oh well, I also have to get some stuff sorted for the weekend, because my friend and her hubby are staying with me for the weekend, as we are meeting up with other people in london on Saturday for a Doll Meet...It was organised well before I split up, so i am looking forward to it, but also feeling very aprehensive too...
How's everyone else today?
Hi Mich, I have had a chat to you in the chat section about that website
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy....most NHS counselling uses this model as funding often means only six or seven sessions are available so it needs to be a more "proactive" form of counselling. It works on the basis that your beliefs dictate your feelings and actions. In other words, if you believe you are fat and ugly, for example, then you see two people whispering to each other, you might think they are talking about you because you are self conscious. Or, if you believe all dogs are aggressive, then when you see a dog you are automatically scared even though it is sitting there quite placidly. This counselling works on changing your BELIEFS, you and your counsellor will find out what these are....with the theory that your feelings and behaviour will then automatically change. Does that explain it a bit?
Oh I see, a bit like if you think all men are b*****s, and see one sitting there gormlessly, you still feel...sick? So you have CBT to try and change your opinion/feelings that they're not.....( but really you know they are)....No I'm sorry, I don't mean that...I know there must be some decent ones out there....Just don't know where they might be...* Sigh*
HAHA that's very well-put Mich but honestly,yes there are lots of decent men out there, and lots of decent women too. One disadvantage of chatting with other people from broken relationships is that we could start to think there aren't any nice partners out there! Luckily the good points of chatting to and supporting each other outweigh this (PHEW)
How did you get on with the counsellor today? (dare I ask...or do I need to hide behind the sofa again?)
Well, been a bit of a while...so here's an update:
I went to the Counsellor last week, and to be honest I don't think she's great. I have another session next week, and then I think I'll call it a day...This week, I started talking again and told her things, then finished, and then asked if I should just keep talking. She asked if I felt uncomfortable if there was silence in the room, so I told her 'no', but I wasn't sure how this worked...
She seemed at some points to just have a fixed smile on her face, wrote a few things down on paper...I just kept talking really. At the end of the session, she again said that what I was feeling was normal, so I asked her if I had to do any homework or anything, and she just said no...That was about it really...I get more feedback from my friends...
Anyway, Friday my friends came to stay as we had a Doll meet in London on the Saturday, i have to say it was so lovely to come home and see my friend in the kitchen getting some Tea ready, and her Hubby watching TV in the lounge....I actually felt 'Normal' again...
On the Saturday we went to London( the trains were all over the place), and my friend suffers from anxiety, so i told her to just look down and not up. I felt a bit anxious too, so did the same. luckily two other friends were with us...The meet was good, but we wouldn't want to do that again...
They left on Sunday evening, which was very sad, but they said my daughter and I should move near them, to Stevenage...Well, It's something to think about...
Monday I was working, and Tuesday I went with a friend for a tarot reading( not sure how people feel about them, but I last saw her 15 years ago and what she told me came true)...
This time she said that she saw I had the Divorce card( so was either going to go through a divorce, or divorcing myself from the situation). She also told me because I wasn't in the right emotional state yet, not to move, or not to think about it until April/March time...She said I had new beginnnings and things would get better and I would be smiling again in about two years time...but in the meantime she could see my H and said he wasn't to be trusted, but she thought he might even try and come back, but she didn't think it would work out with his OW...
She also said that someone would come into my life again within two years, and that I was stronger than I thought I was.She also mentioned about going abroad/holiday that was coming up, but I told her I didn't think so as I don't have any money for holidays...
Today I met my single Mum friend for a coffee intown, so I have tried to keep myself busy, and I've just got in...Then I'm working tomorrow again...
How has everyone been, as I've missed updates, and you guys?
Hugs,
hi im new to here love all the discussions interesting i live near bristol have one teenager just like to chat to all u others on here who knows what its really like being a single parent my daughter 17 bit older but she has alot of ups and downs with life and just support from others hard answering her questions on growing up when i need friends to ha ha growing up im forty mind ha ,how do u manage have u many people to chat to love to hear back bye.
hia any one doing any thing nice for christmas coming let me know wish i can chat make new friends be good
Hi mich. Wow, that tarot card reading was a good one. I am so impressed, and it wasn't even me having it, hehe. I've only had one reading, and that was years ago. It was good, but didn't get as much detail as you did. I used to go to pychics, in fact it got so I was addicted to them!! Your weekend sounds great. It's lovely to have company isn't it? You've been keeping yourself busy which is good too, but don't forget some 'you' time. Take care. xxx
Hi nicolarose, I don't have a teenager, my son is only 9, but I can imagine the ups and downs from your daughter, lol. There are members on here that do have teens though, so I'm sure you'll get great advice. My Christmas will be the same as always, just my son and me. Sometimes it's sad, not sharing it with family etc, but I do make it as fun and exciting for C as I can. What will you be doing?
hi mich glad you ok like you my counselling is not going well and have not been to mine for over 3 weeks see how it goes tomorrow if i feel the same then i shall try another . the kids counselling went ok last nite which as to be a bonus not opening up yet !
i have not a had the cards read but your reading sounds good i did go to a physic the other week and she was good i did go to her just before we broke up and she didnt tell me about the affair but did say things that unnerved me alot . then when i found out i rang her and she told me things . when i went the other week she told me things that was a shock but in away im glad , now whether they are true or come true who knows i think they are good but i wont get to the point that i need to go all the time like i know there are people who do do that .
hope the trip to london went well ? it is nice to have friends round and to feel normal even though we are normal its the ex's that are not lol
welcome nicolarose to this site for single parents this is a great way to get support and help . i have been a single parent since may this year and have 2 lovely boys aged 10 and 7. they dont see their father at the min due to him being on bail for hitting me .
being a single mom is hard and i try to do the normal things with them , they have swimming lessons and cubs and beavers and they have just started karate. it is hard as i dont get anything off their dad money wise so it as been hard but im trying to do the best i can. not looking forward to xmas but we have been invited to go to friends this year so i may go there it will be nice to be with them .
Hi Mich
Good to hear from you, and nice that you had your friends over. Yout tarot reading sounds interesting......it also sounds quite sensible in that coming to terms with things rarely happens overnight and you are finding (I think) that you are building your new life whilst mourning the old. So it could feel as if you are making progress then moving backwards again, if that makes sense?
Your counselling does sound rather "interesting". Of course counsellors are not there to give advice but........Enough said. Important for you to give feedback to the counsellor AND the person who referred you to her (GP?) that it wasn't helpful, though.
Oh my goodness...I have a lot to tell you, but need to sort things out at work, go to work, then back later this evening....I will update you all then...xx
Hope the day goes ok Mich.
xx
Well, how is everyone today?
I am going with my daughter to see the new Twighlight film later, which we're both really looking forward to.
I am still thinking about when/where I should move to when I do, and I have something else happening at the moment which I can't talk about too much at the moment...but when I can I'll let you know...
Hugs to you all xx
Ok well we are here when you want to chat......My friend went to a breakfast showing of the Twilight movie today and said it was fab!
hope you enjoyed the film hugs to you too x
Hi Mich, i had to make sure this was your story and not mine before i replied because it is so simular its scarey, the exact same happened to me and yes we went on holiday and it was then i knew something was wrong, i was also with him for 21yrs and married for 16 of them...freaky eh...lol. I also have a daughter living at home who is 15 now, my older 2 live away from home. I also had to change my hours at work to get by. I was heart broken and had 2 break downs. When your with someone for that amount of years you think you know them inside out and when this happens you just think they are not the person you have been spending your life with, what hurt me more was the lies and i just felt like my whole marriage had been based on lies. It took me a long time to recover and i have to say even today it has still had a lasting effect on me, when you have been with someone that long it just doesn't go away over night, it takes time but i am pleased to say it does get better, your days do become less painful and you do eventually stop consuming your every minute thoughts on them, I have to say the best advice i had was to not have any contact with them for at least 3 months, and even less after this, that is the only way you can move on, i know you have to be friendly with them for your childs sake but this can be done via telephone or text when it involves your child, if he comes to spend time with your child ask him to wait outside etc. When it happened to me i saw a counciller which i would strongly advise, she was great for me and if your not suited at first try another one, took me a while to actually find one who i felt really confortable with but i did and it was the best thing i did, also i had a journal, what i called "the new chapter of my life" this really helped me too, i wrote in there all my feelings, some bad, some good. When i knew i could finally let go was the day i destroyed this journal, that was goal and i did it...was relief! anyway i know i have blabbed on a bit too long, if you need to chat anytime i would be happy to chat ok. keep strong and keep believing in yourself.....:) take care xx
P.S i forgot to say the other woman didn't last......she was too insecure with him and it fizzled out.....hmmm i wonder why.....lol
Hi uklady43.......It is good to hear other's stories and how they've got through it too, so thanks for your post...I am trying not to have any contact with him...it's been since 24th Oct...and one email and a phone call...It's not that I even want to see or contact him via other means, because I don't....There is always pain or anxst when I do, so of course I'd rather not have to put myself through it.He really is just a stranger to me now in a familiar body that's all...but that in itself is painful, and as I've said before I'm not at the indifferent stage yet, and I really haven't yet come to terms with not being part of a couple after so many years, and finding my own identity again. I feel like I have lost my anchor in life. I really am trying to get out and about and meet new people, but in the early stages everything is still so hard to do and all seems very overwhelming.Little issues soon add up to become big ones when you are in this vulnerable state of mind....Also, as I have mentioned for me the bad thing at the moment is the morning time when my daughter has gone to school, and I am in the house alone...it seems to get better by the early afternoon...but that is weird in itself...and I know is a symptom of all this...I would love to chat, but it would have to be here as there isn't a PM function on this site for security reasons...
I have some news, but as I say can't say much about it at the moment, but when I can I will let you know...
Thanks so much Louise and shaz.....I did enjoy the film, and it was so nice to be able to see it with my daughter...
Oh mi gosh Mich, I am hanging on the edge of my seat - What Is the News?? Can you tell us yet?? It sounds like it is good news, whatever it is.
I went to one of my favourite friends the other night, we were planning on going out, but by 8pm we were knackered, so curled up on the sofa and watched 'Bridesmaids' (she had rented it from itunes)
It was fantastic! Sooo funny, really worth seeing, I am not usually a fan of chick flicks, but this was much deeper, it said so much about women and their girlfriends!
It sounded as though you had a good weekend with your friends, I love having mine around
hi mich cant wait to hear your news sounds interesting .
yes uklady43 when they leave it is hard when they have been apart of our lives for so long. i was married 17 years and with him for 2 years beforehand so it is long time and yes it is like i dont know him . i think that if they go off and dont try to talk out the issues then that shows that they are a weak person and to think that the grass is greener is not always the case but they have to cause all this pain .
mich i hope your mornings are slowly getting better i try to keep myself busy when the kids are at school but i know it can be hard
hi mich hope you are ok
Hi mich, how are you? How is work? How is your daughter?
Hello everyone...I'm back now
Then last Tuesday the three of us were flown out to Barbados for five days, and we each got a session with Paul...
I can't tell you how great it was ,and I don't know exactly how it all worked, but that awful knot in my stomach has gone, and I just feel I can cope a bit better with those awful loneliness feelings I had...
He was so lovely too...we didn't get to see that much of him, as he was flying back to L.A. but the three of us got on so well together...and just being able to get away was so fantastic( as I could never afford to be able to do that myself).
It's going to air the beginning of January on Lorraine...
It's still like it's all been a dream, as now I'm home and back to reality...
But....The Tarot reader was SO right about me going abroad wasn't she? spooky eh?
How's everyone else been? I've missed you all...
I am picking myself up the floor here, Mich!!!!! How fantastic and you so deserved it and I will be proud as punch to see you on the TV, you must tell us the date it is on. We have missed you too.......but all I can say is WOW and DOUBLE WOW!
Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!
How absolutely fantastic!! I'm so glad you had a brilliant time though, and I hope you have made new friends too.
I'm glad he was nice... I do like him.
Oh my god Mich. I never expected that at all. That is amazing, fantastic, wonderful, exciting, blimey, just cannot think of words to describe it. I'm so so pleased for you, but never mind going to Barbados (nearly fainted at that), the knot in your stomach has gone, and you're feeling better all round. Don't forget to remind us when it's on TV. I know you said January, but my mind is like a sieve!!! Really pleased for you, and you've met some new friends too. Will you still want to know us when you're a celebrity hehe. Now we want to know what Barbados was like.
Woo hoo, that is AMAZING news, way beyond anything I was imagining. Oh gosh how exciting! Barbados, you lucky thing!
It sounds like a fantastic experience, but more than that it sounds as though it has really got you over a hump! How are your mornings now?
Please fill us in lots and lots, day by day, minute by minute account, if you have the time, I love things like this
Thanks so much everyone...I know I can hardly believe it myself...but it just goes to show that life isn't stagnant and things can change at the wave of... fate? I don't know, but I wouldn't have ever thought it would happen in a million years that I would be chosen...I didn't really believe it until I was actually on the plane.
I will tell you all when it is on too...I have to go to the studio for an interview with Lorraine, and I think Paul will either be there or it will be a link to him as well...
It was also weird because at first when we got there I still felt anxious and couldn't enjoy any of it, I still felt isolated and alone, like I was going through the motions but not really there....but after my session with him( which was about two hours), I felt lighter and calmer,and literally like that knot had gone from my stomach, which I didn't realise was such a physical feeling until it had gone, and afterwards when we had all seen him, we really laughed and enjoyed the experience...I can honestly say I haven't laughed like that for as long as I can remember, and they actually thought I was funny coming out with one liners...which I don't feel I've ever been before..Also i had a good appetite then too, and enjoyed the food...
It was just so lovely to feel 'normal' again...and as he said I would still feel angry, sad or lonely sometimes...but should be able to cope with those feelings more than before wihtout them becoming too overwhelming..
I haven't really been on my own yet in the mornings because I had jetlag the first morning and slept longer than I normally would, and today the Schools were closed...but I honestly have been feeling much calmer...I will let you know how it goes though...but at least knowing how I can feel is a great comfort to me at least...
It was strange too because when my cousin found out she just said how lucky I was to be going to Barbados, but I told her that if it was a choice between having my marriage back or going there I know which one I'd choose....and also I thought about the fact that a lot of people might think that their stories/situation might be more deserving of the experience, but it was down to Paul to see who he felt he could help the most within the allotted time frame he had....and one thing apparantly he wouldn't have had time for someone who was suffering with OCD, as that can take many sessions to help...
We did have quite a bit of rain, but the warmth more than made up for it...it was so lovely not to feel bone chilled all the time...We were supposed to have the Saturday and Sunday just to chill, but as Paul didn't arrive until a day later than he was due to...we were filming things up until a few hours before we were due to leave...but we didn't mind a bit...
There might be some things up on the ITV site about it too at some point...but I'll keep you all updated too...
I have to say I do feel very privilaged to have been chosen...and as you know I do swear by his methods....
hi mich that is fab news sounds really lovely and im glad you are feeling better in dealing with stuff now xx big hugs well done for getting picked and having this chance of a life time xx
Yes, to me the best thing of all is the knot in your stomach easing and the confidence boost you have had!
Mich, you deserved to be chosen. My stomach was turning, reading your post. I think it is lovely
Oh Mich, your post makes me feel so happy and also relieved, when you say that you laughed. It is such an amazing thing to feel after it has been missing for so long.
You definitely did deserve to be chosen. You have been through a very difficult time of broken trust and betrayal, you deserve to be shown that there is good in the world too and it is for our taking. Like you said, you never know what is around the corner!
In your post you said to your cousin that if it was a choice between having your marriage back or going to Barbados, you know which you would choose. Sorry but I didn't pick up the hint. Which one would you choose???
hi mich hope things with you are ok x
Hello everyone,
Sorry I have been quite busy these last few days...but thank you all so much for your lovely support.
Shaz5, yes, it seems a lifetime away now, but I have the memories that I had a good time, laughed and it was all without ..him.
Louise, yes, I still feel calmer than I did, and don't have that knot...I listen to the CD every night as well to keep reinforcing the message.
hazeleyes: thanks so much...well, at least I can really recommend the CD's to everyone...
Anna: thanks...yes, of course I would've chosen my marriage...but before all the bad things that happened....I know we can never go back, and at least I am able to let go now, as before I have always said that I know I would never be with him again, and it was the being part of a couple and the intimacy of that, that I missed...I hated the overwhelming feelings I had too...so at least even if I feel sad, lonely or whatever....I feel I can cope with them at the moment...BUT it has also helped, that I have had the no contact rule, and not seen him since 25th Oct...
I feel it is harder for people that haven't yet come to terms with the fact that their relationship is over, and feel they still want to get back with their partner...
At least now, I feel I am on the road, rather than struggling to still find it...which is something..and I am not feeling so anxious...I just really hope these feelings last...as it's all just easier to cope with...but maybe because I have put moving and divorce on the back burners for now, it is slightly easier..I don't know...
I've been keeping busy, and on Sunday a friend came over and noticed I had a flat tyre. I asked my neighbours for help, and they were great...managed to get it repaired quickly, so not as expensive as a whole new tyre...
Yesterday I went to a recruitment session for volunteer work for the NHS trust, but apparently they have a lot of volunteers, so might not get asked to do it. I now have a lot of forms to fill in for when I have my one to one session in January.
I haven't got anything planned for today, just need to get some shopping later..but another friend is popping over tomorrow morning.
How's everyone else?
Hi Mich, just been catching up with the posts and wanted to say that it's great to hear that your feeling more on top of things and are moving on.
On the volunteering front i would say you have alot to give and they will see that too and snap you up enjoy your shopping trip are buying anything nice?
Hi Mich
Lovely to catch up with things.
I do hope you hear from the NHS though, it will be good to be able to be there.
hi mich glad you feel that you are coping better xx it is nice to have friends come round i have my friend coming sat night we went to nursery and school together and we are 42 now have stayed friends since x
Evening ladies...
Thanks sally w...No, just food shopping...although it's a windy, miserable day here today, so haven't done it...
Sparkling: Thanks...How've you been too?
Sparkling: I hope you have a great saturday night...
Hugs xx
Just thought I'd do an update on my thread...
Well a bit down this morning( but nothing overwhelming)..That's the key for me now...I don't mind feeling sad( I had a little cry yesterday in fact whilst watching The Lost Christmas on TV with Eddie Izzard, very good)....and these feelings have been more normal...not as overwhelming and all encompassing as they were before....so copeable...which is very good...But probably feeling like this because it will be my first Christmas alone, and also this miserable, dark weather gets me down anyway...
Doesn't look like any of the people who said they were coming to mine for XChristmas are now coming, so my lovely friend has said my daughter and I can go with her and her daughters to her Mum and Dad's( who I know well too), for Christams day which will be lovely...
Things in the house and in general been breaking down/ going wrong since the split, here's the list:
Tumble dryer( now completely dead),Cat's neck sore( took over a month, but now better),Boiler- pressure going down every few days, so a leak, and outside pipe diameter wrong( £40 for Plumber to come round, and at least mended heater to stop that leak, hope it was the only one), Flat tyre caused bya screw( managed to get it repaired with neighbour's help £20),Fence badly damaged in the strong winds- needs repairing)...
Positive: I'm still here...and managing to still be sane( just about) at the four month mark now.
Think that's it for now...LOL!
Yes you do seem to be having a lot of things go wrong in the house, just lately.
And you're right: it is Ok to be sad
As for Christmas, have you had a look at the new thread yet?
I have been having the same problem since June, every white good in my house has been gradually packing in, fridge freezer, washing machine, dryer, cooker, kettle and now the microwave is on it's last legs, but that will have to wait until next year, luckily i have ran out of big items that will need to be replaced for a while and i don't have any pets to worry about.
Shame about your friends that are not now able to spend christmas with you, good to hear that you have an alternative and are not going to be on your own.
Thanks so much Anna...well, I don't have any specific feelings in the morning...It's just when my daughter has left for school after I have made her breakfast, i just get a very 'down' feeling..it doesn't seem to be about anything in particular...just the sadness of the whole situation and I find it hard to get motivated, so I come here to try and get some comfort....I thinks it when most people say that the evenings and nights are difficult for them...I think then I can watch a bit of TV , and then go to bed with my Paul McKenna CD...
I have more or less managed to finish the council Tax form...and have all the documents I think I need, so just need to go down there to get them photocopied etc...My friend said he would go with me, so we are going Thursday morning..
I'm feeling better now anyway than this morning..( it's so weird to me that it's that period of time)...and I will sort out the bags under the stairs and go to the Tip...
I'll check in later...
Hugs...