This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
You have done so well through a very difficult time and yes it is good that Christmas is just round the corner. We will all be thinking of you tomorrow 
hi well up and dressed.heart poundin and hands shakin bit, mad how i feel, dont no why cos its a gud outcum for me, so why am i so worked up, xleavein in half hrx
HIGH FIVE kiera, we are all thinking of you
Will be thinking of you today kiera.....all the best xx
hi well got to go bk court in feb, my ex as to av drug test in by jan 2nd and he get no more chances,courts dont want to messa bout feb is when they sort it, but i av to do a statement at my soliciters, she will elp me, and i av stand up in court and say why i dont want contact,well its obvious, dreadin tht, but i didnt av to see him today, i got upset and worked up , so i didnt av go in court he turned up of course, but my soliciter says even if drug test negative there is stil his criminal activity ongoin,anyway no contact stil x
god i panicked in court got upset,my heart pounding,hands shakin, cos i idnt want to see him,stil got knot in my stomach
got non molestation order and residence orderxx
Hi kiera, it is so difficult, but you did it, big warm hugs to you and big sigh of relief thta you have non molestation and residency order. Well done you.
He is incredibly lucky to be given another chance to go back to court in Feb, seeing as he hasn't complied with them.
Great to know that Christmas will be quiet this year. Hopefully you can put this behind you till Feb and enjoy the festive season.
hi louise wot do u think of my court outcum at the mo, i av to do a statement and spk up in court and say why i dont want him to have contact, god nos wot i wil b likje doin tht, with ex starin at me,
Yes it will be hard BUT you have done the very hardest thing of all already, and that is splitting up from him and staying split up from him. The other thing is that when you stand up to say it, you will be doing it for your little daughter and that will give you strength you never knew you had.
It's fantastic that you have got the residence order and non-molestation order. Huurah for you!!!!
You now have a choice: whether to spend a lot of time and energy and emotion between now and February 27th thinking about your ex, worrying about him and imagining the scene....or whether to write down a plan, put it away in a drawer and concentrate on how fab your life is now that you have broken free and can have some lovely times with the children......heh heh I know which I would choose 
, yoiu can do this, you are a strong woman and we will support you all the way
I'm so glad Court went well.
Enjoy the next few weeks as our children grow so quickly. Come the new year and when the decorations are kept then start to think about 27 February. Is he really worth having a spoilt Christmas for?
Well done in court kiera. Must have been really nerve wracking, but you did it, so now relax and put it to the back of your mind. Concentrate on Christmas with your family, and at end of Jan, beginning of Feb, you can maybe start to write things down for the next court appearance. Well done.
hi my heart is pounding so much today i didnt sleep well, i feel down, down today, ive burst into tears,really cryin, why, when dus it end, i no ive got rid of ex but av i, ex said in court he wil go to contact centre asap, my soliciter said i dont want him to av contact at all as fear for my safty after contact centre and i dont wat unsupervised at all, cafcass woman says same, i nio evreythin in my favour im just scared , god wasnt all over with, im sorry for goin on i cant elp it
my soliciter rang i av to go in and sign the residency order formx
Hi keira, it's quite understandable that your feeling really fragile today, yesterday was such a big day for you. On the whole though you had good news, try not to worry about contact if the Cafcass report has stated that they feel unsupervised contact should not be granted the courts usually go with what the report recommends.
If he is granted supervised access they can arrange it so that your safety is taken into consideration, different exits and waiting for a while to leave sort of thing or there is always the option that a family member can collect the children instead of you.
What are your plans for today? are you doing any of your great dinners this weekend?
Big hug and take care of you.
hi thanks for reply no my family hate him tht isnt option, and he ad secret life so i never met his family, cafcass lady said long term and his criminal activity ongoin she fails to see him engagin with my little girl in a positive way,he is dasngerous and over my dead body is he seein er, he isnt safe, i av to protect er jsut ope courts see thtx
doin fresh salmon lata for tea, baby potatoes and corn on cob,sunny ere today wasnt yest pouring down, my 11 yr old son bk lata from lake district not seen him since monday, missed him,x
and ex said he asnt dun drug test as his hair to short, u can stil do hair strand test , wot a excuse,gutted they gave him anova chance to do one, but he got til jan 2nd nad no more chancesx
im sorry b ut i dont want that man to av contact with my little girl,
Kiera, as Sally has said you have done everything possible and now all you are doing is torturing yourself with thoughts and anxiety. If the anxiety continues at this level then please do see your doctor. Remember what little angel said to you about how she made herself very poorly before her hearing? You will be poorly too if you dont get a hold of these feelings and chaneel your energy into good and positive things.
Hope your boy got home and safe and sound and not too soggy! I bet he has missed your home cooking!
Have you started your Christmas preparations yet? My eldest won't be home until Chrsitmas Eve, just like your daughter
hi louise i no ur right, so far court case is positive and cafcass report in my favour so shud b thankful for tht at least, il concentrate on my kids, my eldest daughter not bk to exmas ever but shes cumin ome exmas day and sleeping , my parents cuming to, my son enjoyed trip hes glad to b ome tho, he was very tired yesterday,and sic on coach, how old is ur daughter, myn is 19 x
Oh your poor boy being sick on the coach!
My children are both boys and eldest is 23 now so quite grown up. Still miss him though. That will be nice your parents staying as well. How is your dad?
hi my dad bit better, in jan it will b a year since wot appened to him,dont like way he spks to my mum, mind u he as always bin like that, hes gon worse, feel sorry for my mum, x
Aww kiera, has the illness affected the way he behaves, do you think?
hi well dun freedom programme today and one to one thru wave, i enjoy goin, my mum watched my little girl,and sooo cold,got do my statement next wed with my soliciter and doin one to one again thru wave bfore my soliciters appointment, wave can write report to court sayin ive bin attendin freedom programe and wave, x
That all sounds great kiera, well done. It is brilliant to read that you are enjoying the Freedom Programme and that you are accessing one to one support. I think at this point in your life, reaching out to all the services possible can only serve you well.
I did exactly the same, got help from wherever I could, my life turned around and I made sure never to make the same mistakes again. I chose partners very carefully and lived my life so much happier, learning to enjoy living on an even keel, rather than the dramatic roller coaster that I was used to.
You have endured some horrific circumstances and one day you will look back and be surprised how you ever managed to get through it all. But you are and your future looks bright 
aw thanks anna , nice reply thank uxx i dont no how i av cum thru it allxx
I know, we can get quite a shock, when we finally come through to the other end. In fact I think we tend to live in denial for a long time, as the reality is almost unbelievable.
I hope you have a good weekend planned. Me? I am doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! And I can't wait! 
hi im doin nothin this weekend,lol very cold, tuk my little girl macdonalds today little treat,got myself new lamp for my front room, lets ope my little girl dosnt break this onex
Oh yes they are experts at that, at her age. My friend's granddaughter, aged just two, recently poured tea from the teapot into her other grandma's handbag I did have to wonder how the heck a two year old had got hold of a pot of tea in the first place, mind!
Will it be X Factor tonight? I am out but will be back in time to catch up on The Jungle.
hi i feel down today, sorry i feel like im moanin all tym dont mean to, sum reason today thinkon my ex and no way he as new baby, she wud bin pregnant same tym as me, how cud he, i no ive cum so far but u cudnt make my story up cud u, all tyms he accused me adn he awas with his girlfriend alll the tym, i really do hate him how can a man b so evil
and then take me court even after wot he dun to me, he doesnt av a concience
Ah keira i am sorry to hear your feeling abit down today, pretty normal to wonder why your ex did what he did.
Your doing the Freedom Programme and you would be learning on the course why abusive men do the things they do, at the end of the day it is all about power and control, yours and his.
An abusive man will use different tactics to wear down your self esteem and confidence so that they can feel like they are the one in control and with all the power.
You are know back in the control seat and can do with your life what you want, this could be an exciting time for you to learn new things and meet new people and find yourself again.
I hope your feeling in better spirits when you read this, what did you cook for dinner today?
hi eldest was bk friday from uni and she saw er nana and she at dads sat, and she was cumin ome sunday for dinner and sleeepin, at 2pm yest adnt heard anythin so i message er, she said she just woke up and i did get annoyed, all weekedm she sapent at dads and nans, she adnt even txt my mum and dad or even sparded an hour to see um, i get upset bout it and told er i was upset, tht triggered er off, she said dont start i wont bother cumin then, then she brought up ex sayin how wud i feel if i got dumped for a lowlife man, and ad my room thrown out, my ex cleared er room out, i feel guiltynbout it, and she went to liv with er dad u c, so she said im a horrible person and selfish adn how can i call myself a mum, and she doesnt want anythin to do with me, she asblocked me from fb, i was very very upset yest,but angry today and txt er how dare she dis respect me, im not perfect mum and ive made mistakes and yes i shudnt of ad him bk,but he ad hold on me and he was very maniputive, and im sorry, but i av got rid of him, and it as bin hard for me, i no it as bin hard for my dawter as well, she at uni and doin well,but she is stil angry bout the situation i was in, but there are alot worse mums than me, im on my ownm, itry ,thts all i can do i cook ,.i clean., imake sure kids are clean nice clothes, tidy house clean, i am gutted tho but she shudnt say im bad mumx
she is totaly ignoring me, gona av leave er b, my ex was very jeallous oif our relationship,he called er all tym,not to er face,to me, she left after what he did to me on holiday when he put me in hospital, she saw my face u c, was mess, and then i tuk him bk 2 months later, my ex as effected everyone i really do hate himx
yest i did feel like bad mum and wanted walk out and not cum bk, my ex doesnt no wot he as dun atall, it wudnt enter his head wot he as dun, he doesnt care, myh kidas deserve better than s**t mum like me, i did put ex 1st,how hell cud i do that, my ex b laffin his socks off if he new my dawter ad disowned me, im really fe dup today, sorry im doin this i no its ur threadx
Hi kiera, this is obviously been very distressing for you, so your messages were moved into your thread so that we can support you here.
Firstly it is understandable that you rang her at 2pm yesterday wondering where she was. For most teenagers, when they feel they have let someone down, they tend to turn it around and retaliate, rather than admit that they were perhaps wrong. So in this instance she has rebelled on you and thrown everything she could at you.
However understanbly she is still very upset about the goings on of the last year or so and had to carry that with her. Horrible to see your mum get physically hurt and she has seen you at your weakest point, which no child likes to see.
Right now you are in control of what happens next. Not your ex, so leave him out of it when you speak to her. As time goes by she will understand the difficulties you faced, but right now she needs you on her side. She doesn't need to be explained to, why you stayed with him, what he did and what you have been through, she knows all of that. She needs to see her mum being strong and filled with love for her and putting her first.
Is there any way that you can put your anger aside? Could you write her a letter expressing your love for her. That you know she has been through a very difficult time, but that you are proud of her and always will be. Perhaps you might want to ask her if there is anything you can do to make her life easier/happier?
You are not a bad mum, you look after your children and you did protect them to the best of your ability in an awful situation. Beating yourself up over it is not going to help anyone here. I believe you are a strong woman who has been through a traumatic time, however you can now start picking up the pieces again.
How well do you get on with your daughters father?
hi i dont get on with him, he use to hit me as well, very controllin, he tuk my daugheter when she was baby and wudnt giv er bk, he gave me std, i av never told my daughter tho, we dont get on, he wud love tht she doesnt want to see mex
i feel so down today, really down, my daughter said she aint cumin exmas day, me thinkin was gonin av gud exmas now ex off scene but stil got problems
Hi kiera i was hoping to find you in better spirits today and am real sorry that you have had a disagreement with your daughter, Anna has made a great suggestion could you try writing her a letter, i would imagine that if you wrote to her something similair to what Anna suggested then you maybe able to resolve your differences and try to put this behind you before christmas.
Great ideas for you here kiera!
I would also like to say that I am sorry to hear that your daughter's dad was abusive towards you too and it sounds as if you have had repeated experiences of men being abusive to you....so an extra high five to you for getting out of this pattern and for doing the Freedom Programme and learning that you CAN break free and you are worth so much more.
Good luck with your daughter. Some of that sounds as if it has been said to her by someone else (her dad?) but as Anna says, she does NOT want to know about all your emotional processes, what she needs to know is that you are ok now, you are sorting things and that while you know that things were not ideal, you are her mum, you love her and will always be there for her
hi well bin to my solicter to do my statement, like how u meant to move on when u av to keep reliveing it all time, anyway don eit and signed the residency order papers, wish it was all over with, a contested hearing sounds scary, gona not think bout it til fed, my conmcerns are after supervised contact, my ex very high rsk offender, dont want him to av any unsupervised contact ata ll it worries me, i want it very strict supervision in contcat centre, but then wots point as contcat centre is very short term, wot after centre, at least cafcass lady is on my side and doesnt want any contact, juhow can i get on with my life like this, i cant, feel down again, x
Hi kiera, well done for taking this next step, yes it is hard reliving it, but you needed to do that and it is now done! As you say, forget about it til Feb now.
How are things with your daughter?
hi anna well avnt spoke to my daughter gona leave it and see if she contacts me, leave it a week i think,ope she contacts me thox
Christmas is coming, she'll be in touch...
I'm having issues with my eldest, and we can go days without speaking - but he does live here.
I can only imagine how torn they feel when they're close to both their parents though. Things are easier for me as their father isn't really involved in their lives.
I hope things calm down and you can have some quality time together.
Hi kiera, so you will leave it a week and then contact her?
Just remember that, yes she was rude to you, but it sounds as though she has faced a lot of tough life experiences already and is just beginning in the adult world. We need to teach our children the art of forgiveness and unconditional love.
Hi kiera. Hope you're okay. Am sure you and your daughter will be just fine, once things have maybe calmed down a bit. You two sound very close normally, so this is just a hiccup I'm guessing. We've all had run ins with our parents at some point in our lives haven't we? I know I did!!
hi well my statement cum thru post today, read it all, all makes sense, goin in my solciiters tomoz and signin it, im at freedom progarmme tomoz mornin, avin party, got take sum nibbles inx
That is all good, enjoy the Christmas do, kiera and I was glad to read on the other thread that you have made up with your daughter
thank u louise im ok, u no ive thought this exmas wil b a good one as last yr ex ruined it really he let us all sdown then harassed me again so ad get police i was anxious last exmas, not this exmas, as ex not allowed contact so b quiet exmas this yr, and tht is gud news. and il get residence order tomoz, cafcass lady said that, shed said so ex cudnt remove my little girl from my care, mine is a happy ending.x