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well i thought i as to do tht in feb, but dont av to, cafacss av made decision no conta ct, im happy with thtdesicion, cafcass guy totally on my side,but th eworry of ex now, as cafcass want my non mol order extended,ex said il do anythin to see my dawter,wot apart from stopin drugs and commitin crimex
my caffcass wasnt allwed to make judgement olny because ex has denied allegations thats why i have to stand x
not right tho is it,
Kiera that is great that you had a positive outcome with the CAFCASS man, what they say is the thing that counts so it's great he has understood the issues. As for your daughter's dad, I reckon that whatever he has said, he will know that he is defeated now after this court case. Can you honestly see him attending 22 sessions of a therapeutic course?
That is good news Kiera, and I hope you feel calmer after hearing it.
had a terrible morning pulled a muscle in my back and couldnt even get down the stairs with lil one took me 20 mins iv had to get in contact with my eldest and shes getting a cab down ( that i cant even afford) to help me nearly called an ambulance this morn was so scary trying to get down the stairs and when i did i couldnt even pick up lil one, im in so much pain have a soliciors appt today to to start my scott scedule , if ex new about this he would use it against me and say i cant cope , but it just shows how alone i really am and if somehting happens to me im in a real bad position :( x
aw hun no way, ive ad tht, my back went on my last week,cud hardly stand up,i av tht siactica. ive spelt it wrong, cud u postpone ur soliciter hun, listen u cant elp a bad back, i suffer with my back as well, ope ur ok hun, sod ur ex,u cant elp bad backx
thank u louise, yes agreat outcum, i no my ex didnt think cafacss wud go to extreme lenghts to even find out tht wot he did to me abroad was true and there is warrent out for his arrest abroad, cafcass guy so nice, but now im worried,my ex wil hate me, i no he wilblame me tht he cant see my dawter,and cafascss guy gona spk to my soliciter to extend non mol order and he get wonams aid to spk to me, and he gona do risk assessmnet today on me, ex said eh wil do wotever it takes to c his dawter,yes ur right he is defeated,and he as to do rehab , x
Hi anonymous mum, I am so sorry to hear about your back. I know it has pulled you up short and made you realise that you dont have as much support as you would like (and I do think it is important to address this and soon) You have the next stage to get through first. Is your back feeling any easier? Are you able to take painkillers?
hi louise how do i address it i cant change my situation , it has eased off a littl ethrough the day and the doc has given me some stronger pain killers, my eldest is down helping me out aswell , it is worrying tho to thnk if anything happens to me and my eldest isnt around then lil one has no one x
Your right anonymousmum when these types of situations arise they can be quite a worrying eye opener, though in my own experience it usually works out fine in the end and all the energy and time that i spent worrying was for nothing it actually made me feel worse and took longer to recover.
I hope your back is feeling better today 
hi how are u today hun, hows ur backx
its getting better thankfully hun thanks for asking, i am a worryer sally and it prob doesnt help my health , i worry everyday with all this goin on and being so alone xx
aw hun im same i worry, i get anxious all time, and court asnt elped, i feel alone sumtimes, just me and kids u c, i av mates but they av their own lives, everynyt its just me an dkids, but with all the chaos my ex brought to our lives im happy tht just me and kids, i do understand hunxx
well cafcass guy rang me yesterday askin did my little girl ever see my ex, i said well no cos he always let us down, so he gona close the case,and ex as to do perpertrtaors course, drug rehab and then drug tes and b crime free snd no dv incidents with his girlfriend and then he as to apply to court himself, he wasnt gona close case u c, but he is, im happy bin long year, thank you to everyone for ur support xx
It's good news, kiera, do you feel you can move forward now? it seems to me as if you were feeling stuck before but it's now time to start your recovery in earnest.
Hi Anonymous mum hope your back is a bit easier. What I meant about lack of support is when we "realise" this then we can decide to do something about it..such as make new friends, attend toddler groups, start to buuld up a network of support for the future. I was saying that although you have a lot on your plate now, once this really stressful time is over it is important to change the isolation you have been feeling.
hi well court tomoz but im not worried, ive nothin b worried bout, my eldest son ad siezure last nyt now i was worried bout tht, hes fine, ambulance cum but checked him over. looks like consultant b changin his medication,my eldest dawter was ere as well and saw him avin siezure, she was very upset,hes off school today but hes stil did his paper round tho,
Hi keira, sorry to hear your son has had another seizure, it can take a while sometimes for the docors to get them on the right medication that will work for them, have the doctors made any recommendations about things to aviod like strobe lights or flashing images?
Best wishes for court tomorrow
good luck keira x
Hi kiera, how did court go? Was it as expected? How is your son today?
not happy, gutted,ex didnt show up, there wasnt private room available, so went in victum support room,soliciter rang ex he said he thought it was wednesday 26th,i sat in court with 3 judges,i cried ,i mean really cried,just ad enuf,my solicter spoke up for me sayin effect wot case is avin on me, cafcss wants case closed, and ex do wot he as to do then he as to apply to court himself for a application, his solicter sayin he wont av legal aid so he cant so cud the case b adjourned while he does the perpertartors course and drug rehab etc,why shud courts pander to him eh, i really do hate him,why is he bgivin chance after chance, im so fed up,if i adnt turned up sayin oh i thougt it was tomoz id b well b*llocked, im not happy, i cried in court, all judges lookin at me,cafcass stil want case closed til he does wot he as to do and b crime free and drugg free,ive cum away unhappy again, court hearin august 7th final hearin,when does it all end eh
sorry to hear that keira sounds like your ex knew what he was doing , were the judges sympathetic attall? its not fair really isnt i kno he shouldnt be allowed to mes around like that we wouldnt be allowed , hopefully the judges will see through him x
im so fed up, he does no wot he is doin,he is manipulatin everyone,he as delayed the drug test failed it again,he as messed coyrts around he as lied al way thru court case, yet i av dun everythin i av bin asked,getin to much now,icried and was shakin in front of judges,his solciter sayin he as turned up to every hearin to b fair, and aparent ly ex as said to cafcss tht he was out iof character when he was with me, but all nice with his girlfriend, and he only smokes canabis cos he cant see his dawter, god hes full s*it,
MODERATOR: the following comment was also from kiera, in another thread which has been amalgamated with this thread:
why does these abusers get chance after chance in court,.why,
Hi kiera, how absolutely ridiculous and frustrating for you beyond belief. HOWEVER, if CAFCASS want the case closed then that will almost certainly be the outcome. I wish so much that it had been resolved for you today instead of yet another delay and am sending you a big HUG and asking you to look after yourself...remember, if he is doing this to upset you more and more then you don't want him to have done so.
its all just so wrong i can see this dragging on an on for me to your ex sounds just like mine, stay strong for our lil ones thats all we can do x
Hi kiera, I have moved the new thread you started about "why do these abusers get chance after chance" into this thread here so we can talk wbout the topic all in one place.
Hope you are feeling as bit brighter this morning.....nothing has changed from yesterday morning, he still hasn't got contact and if CAFCASS get their way then he won't. I am still reeling from the decision the judge made to postpone the hearing and it is hard for me to imagine how upsetting it was for YOU. I'll tell you something though: YOU CAN DO THIS!
hi louise im cryin so much, rang lady from wave and cryin my eyes out, ive dunb nothin wrong,ive dun wot courts av asked of me, yet my ex as lied alway thru court na dfailed 2 drug tests, didnt turn up yesterday yet im scared he gona manipulate the judges n7th august and they adjourn case insted of closin the case,i hate him even more, sorry but i do, ex said he takes drugs cos hes not allowed see his dawter,and it was out of character wot he did to me, weell this court case is getin me depressed,
iv just recived my ex,s response stament to caffcass report and he,s doing exactly what your ex is doing saying he was out of charecter denying other allegations manipulating them surely they must see this all the time look how similar our cases are xx
these abusers are all the same,ex saisd hes happy with his girlfriend but was depressed when with me, ha it was me dressed and anxious when with him, my cafacss officer said he saw ryt thru him tho, he said hes very manipulitive, glad hes giv no contact, my ex wont b happy how the case as gon, he b desperate now cos final hearing in august,hes sayin he cant aford to put anopther application in for acess, my cafacss officer said he doesnt care bout tht, not hisn problem, he as to do alot hard work, if he does then he as to apply to court, cant see him dopin 28 sessions of domestic violence course can u, x
Hi kiera, I am gobsmacked at the decision made by the Courts yesterday, to give your ex another chance, it is unbelievable. Did your solicitor say if there was any way of appealing against this judges decision to adjourn the court date? It all seems so wrong and unfair. It will be interesting to see if he sticks to the 28 weeks perps programme.
anonymousmum, I think this 'out of character' phrase comes from CAFCASS, my officer told me that she told my ex to say that he had behaved 'out of character' and he was sorry and it was pretty likely that he would get contact. Sadly for him, he couldn't say Sorry!
he has said he is sorry in his staement for the dv in 2010 and done a 28 week dv course , he bhaved whilst on this course and then began being abusive again after it it is this abuse he denys x
i said tht to my cafcass officer tht these men put act on, as eh cud do the perpertrators programme and b all gud,ex said in report he wants his dawter go to his family home, it aint appening,
Hi keira totally shocked to hear the outcome from court the other day, i hope your doing better today, this delay shouldn't change the verdict as Cafcass and others will have already given there recommendations and they are usually upheld.
hi louise if i wanted to move miles away so ex dont no where i am could i do tht, i am in council property
Hi kiera, you could move but firstly you would need to see this court case through. Then you need to get in touch with your own housing office to find if there is a swap system. It may be that you have to start from scratch and apply in a new area...get some advice from Women's Aid about this as it will be hard to get a council property in a new area...but you might get given some priority with having experienced abuse
keira i think if you move hun he would still be able to find you through the courts if they allow him because of him being lil ones dad they can trace you but that i suppose depends on wether the courts say he can or cannot have contact, id get advice probably from your solicitor first hun x
he cant stop you from moving tho hun and the advantage is yu,ll be far away from him but he can still trace you if he is allowed by the courts for access x
hi thank u for replys well he isnt alowed any access at all,he asnt for last year,ad latest report thru today from cafcss and his recomendations,im happy with it, he as to do alot work bfore he even applies to the courts again for access, cany see him doin 28 sessions of perpertrators course, and he also as b 6 months drug free, cant ssee tht at all,and he as to do councsellin and porduce a letter from his doctor,and b crime free, all this take bout a year,so thst a year breathin space,and cafcass wants to close the case, and he as to do rehab for canabis, i wud lovve to move
and the non molestation order is also indefinate, so he sint allowed cum nr me
It's a big decision kiera and whilst I understand why you want to move (I would feel the same) you need to think about the fact that your parents are nearby and also the implications for your boys changing schools. Just take some time and deep breaths and see how you feel after 7th August but no harm in getting some information together in the meantime
I understand exactly how you feel about moving and it could be an option for you in the future as I still see it for me it's in my possible plans
hang on tight honey get through this bit x
thanku for replies, it is a option, serious option, how are u tonyt hunx
hi Hun
chat on here ;)
I hope your ok x
hi its my court case this friday gotta stand give evidence and be cross examined , not eating or sleeping lost so much weight things are really getting to me , i hate him so much for doing this to me
aw hun b strong,i no the feelin, when i thought it was a contested hearin i got myself so worked up, i did at last hearing, i just broke down, i hate ex even more, he didnt even show up sayin he got date wrong, im glad it asnt gon his way, really am, he thought he cud outsmaart the cafcass and solciter and drug tests and he asnt,glad, av u sumone goin with u hun, av u private room bookedxx
im going in to the personal support unit room , he really has made himself out to be the victim i have got evidence against him but yet they still want me to do this , my solicitor even said he,ll probably get contact in the end cos even murderers get contact with there kids x
iv lost so much weight
aw hun ope ur ok, i really do, i do understand , xx
ell cafacss said to me and my solicter thgt even violent men and peodos get contact,. all i can say is my ex must b dangerous as hes not allowed any contact at all with our dawter, not even indirect contact,so there is hope hun, my ex as to do alot of work, which i cant see him doin, he asnt got his own way with the couirts and tht makes me happy, b strong hun,il chat on ere to u til u go bed hun if u wantxx
thats good you sound like you have a really good solicitor aswell, i have to be cross examined by his solicitor and give evidence , cant cope with the thought of it dont know how im gona cope on the day xx