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Yes it is hard to put it in a box, I agree. I am wondering if one way that "might" help is the old trick of a day at a time. Although sometimes that is an hour at a time, isn't it?
What is the plan for tomorrow?
Hi IDT, Merry Xmas!!! Well thats my attempt to be festive and with all you have going on I wouldnt be surprised if you couldnt give a monkeys about Xmas at the mo. I know exactly what you mean about it being difficult/impossible to compartment your emotions and put them on the backburner until the relevant time. However it is something I have to learn over the last 10 years or so. My dghter effectively disappeared from my life for a long time. Her mother kept breaking court agreements and for various reasons I could not longer fight it. I worried about my dghter almost every hour of every day at times. It nearly drove me insane. Particularly as I later learned some of my suspicions were/became true. I had to learn to make a life for myself. I could only be of help to my child if I was alive and capable of doing my best if she came looking for me and that is what I set out to do. And the fruit came to a fruition when she came to live with me a few months ago. Nobody can predict the future. It might be that your ex is only doing this to get at you. Everybody knows raising children isnt easy. It might be that when he realises the enormity of the task, that he then realises he no longer wants all the children and he isnt man enough for the job. Also as you cant predict what is going to happen (yeah u might have an idea) you are actually torturing yourself, which is stupid. Dont mean that as an insult as I have done it myself, but you put yourself through unneccessary suffering. Eg: I have worried recently about a lot of different things (mainly work related) as all what I have gone through is affecting my output. I thought I was going to lose my main contract - and the worry was affecting me. I havent lost the contract. I have worried about nothing!!!! Stupid!!! Will I learn?? Hopefully!?
Try n get on with life. Be the best mother you can be. Be good to yourself - which nearly every1 on here has said to you over the last few months. If you want some1 to love you - first you need to learn to love yourself.
Sermon over!!!
Merry Xmas and a special x from Mr Shades 
It does drive you insain yep, making me Ill tbh, it's the not knowing and the frustration I wish I had faith in that the best decision would be made for my children.
I have no idea how I'm going to get through itwithout going mad.
You carnt bloody win if I'd of stayed I'd of had SS on my back but I got out and now it's all gone belly up.
Iv finished the freedom p now I seriously think the caffcass workers should do it along with every police man/woman sw gp hv blar de blar
Hi Louise just seen your post
The children are going to him later today and spending tomorrow with him iv got them boxing day, alternate each year.
'Not knowing' is one of the hardest things to deal with, isn't it. It's something which comes up time and time again in my counselling work.
I think 'the professsionals' should all have extensive training on a range of issues that they are supposed to have 'expertise' in. Sincerely, I have heard of so many shocking decisions/examples of bad practice/mistakes made in reports that I have no idea how some people who claim to be highly qualified can meet their own gaze in the mirror. That's not to say every GP, HV, SW etc. is ineffectual/executes poor practice, but unfortunately there seem to be a lot of bad examples out there. That being said, I'm glad you found the Freedom Programme of use.
So, will you have 'your' Christmas day on Boxing Day then?
I do hope you have a lovely Boxing day with the children IDP. What will you do tomorrow? Wishing you all the best for 2013, though I'll be on line each day till then anyway.
I'm sure they're looking forward to Boxing day.
Have a good a time as you can.
My very best wishes.
Ah thanks so much ;) feeling ok but first time without the children yeah we will have a good boxing day x thanks happy christmas!!!
Happy Christmas to you too, IDT, I always had my boys for Boxing Day when they were smaller and they were at their dad's on Christmas Day. They have gone to visit him this morning (he is in a residential home nowadays and they are pretty grown up)
dear Imdoingthis i'm going through the same and i'm sick and tired of everyone listen to his lies, it's slander and wrong theres no justice and he will continue
he should has a phycologist test, lie detector test and possibly a handwriting anylisis
i continue to try get evidence of his abuse and i think it should go to a civil court as family court are useless
keep strong, if i have some success i will let you know what i done!
Hi angry good luck hope it goes well for you x
I'm not handling this well x
hi hun how are u tonyt. av u ad gud sday with kidsxx
Ay up I'm alright thanks had a good day how's your day been x
yeah ad gud day, watchin mi soaps now, glad ur ok hunxx
When it comes to it no one understands no one gets it and no one cares it's joke it's all joke
I understand and your right only people are wa, i is a joke, i have been suffering for a year now and yes i'm tired pissed off emotionally and finiancly drained and feel so alone as profesionals falled for his lies, and i have been painted bad, now he is trying to get residence, i'm compliling a statement which i will try and attach any proof i got which is very difficult, and giving as many reasons as possible why he should not win this game he is playing. The court system is failing us protective mothers and listening to abusive liars why? because there men, it's totally wrong and i will fight them all until there is justice. it's only because i am strong and he dont realise how strong i am because i still have my sanity. bollock to him bollocks to the ss and police and court, due in april lets see how it goes.
all you can do is gather evidence and use it and dont let him frighten you, stand up to him get help from everywhere you can, contact your mp, ask citizens advice for protection get locks for door, fit security camera, record calls, keep texts, emails etc
report to police if he does something
Has caffcass been involved with your children?
Thanks for the support
hiya angry and bitter i av contested hearing in feb, tryin not to think bout it, av to say why i dont want my ex to av contact, bin to court twice but he stil isnt allowed any contact at al not even indirect contact. ive got residency order goin thru , in my favout tho, ive got non molestation order on ex, cafcass report was gud and on my side, cafcss lady very nice, thank god, my ex as history of violence and drugs and weapons, we av little girl who is 2, ex asnt even dun drug test he as til jan 2nd so we wil see, i ad to do hair strand test as he said i was coke head, was negative of course, he also ad double life i new nothin bout and new baby. my concerns are if he gets heavily supervise contact in centre wot bout after centre wot then, cafcass as concerns botu this to, hope in no contact in feb , is urs in april, is it normakl hearinx
I don
Hi
i have residence and phobited steps order, but he got round ss which have put our girl on protection order, they said because we fight, which we dont but if i say anything about him they say were just fighting, they beleived all his lies and i have now been painted a bad mother, even though tests and evidence prove its nonsence, hes very clever manipulating physco and twists everything. no never had cafcss although she now has a guardian and court is final hearing for judge to decide who she lives with. even though shes been with me all her life and i have to get them to realise that i am not a bad mother. but started off on a bad foot with social and he wrote on his report that he dont see me giving her any effection (that remark cut like a knife) i always cuddle her then he wrote all her toys are broken, the other social worker said she had no bedding when i explained that i had just washed the duvet cover, then he told them theres no bed so thats what ended up on report ridiculas, it's so frustrating when i try to stick up for myself i'm acused of not concentrating on my child, and everything gets twisted round, unfortunitly i am running out of money now for a good solicitor and he wasn't any good when i had him, i just keep on trying to stop him getting his way as i know its just a game that he wants to win if he loved her he wouldn't say what he does to her and he wouldn't be slagging me off whilst spoiling her in every way to win her effections
at least you have things on your side i dont have anyone, best of luck though i hope you get what you need, terrible situation isn't it
bad enough that i put up with his shit for 6 years now i'm fighting them all
Hello angry bitter and twisted (I will call you ABT if I may)
So you have no CAFCASS involvement and it is going on the word of a social worker who has been involved in the Child Protection procedures? Unbelieveable....well obviously I believe you but it stinks. Have you got a solicitor? Can you get legal aid? Have a look at this page (click) and give them a ring as they are very experienced in these matters.
Hello IDT, how are you doing? Hope Boxing Day with the children went OK.
hi angry i do really feel for u,yes it is sh*t, its not enuff they abuse u but then they drAG U THRU COURT PRETENDIN TO CARE SO MUCH FOR THEIR kids, my ex harssed me for 6 weeks til he realized i wasnt avin him bk then get letter thru door tht he wants contact, well i got told in court im 1 step from care procedings if i av anythin to do with ex, so ad no contact at all, ionly found out in court tht he ad double life and violent past, even tho he put me in hospital on holiday, wish he wud disapear but no he wont, does ur ex av contact x
Hi kiera, we split and i didn't want anything to do with him but had to come face to face every contact yes he has alternate weekend and alternate wed overnight. he lied and said i was giving him abuse in face and on phone and going to his place, i didn't not any but they kept saying if i argue with him they will take her in care, he called police told them she was covered in bruises even though police say not a mark they still blame both of us for fighting? its ridiculas that proves they only listen to him because he's a bloke and he sounds reasonable. a murderer could sound reasonable but would you be silly and beleive his lies? Thats why it should be in a civil court and there would have to be proof not false allegations of course of the damage has been done now because its hard for me to prove all these lies and they have made up their mind, i am apparantly the bad one
i am very tired but never give up
xx
It's good to hear you're not giving up, angrybitterandtwisted (I can't help but wince every time I see your user name, even though I understand your reasons for choosing it!)
I agree; it is hard work to disprove lies after the event, especially when those hearing those untruths have neither challenged them or looked to find evidence to prove them.
How has Christmas been? Did you and your daughter enjoy it?
christmas ok but it did spoil it having to hand her over at 1.30 christmas day and he didn't take her to madam tosards and see his neice and his mates and his sister like he said he was in court, that was all lies and plus he wanted to bring her back earlier on the thursday and didn't give me the address where she was staying as the court had ordered him to.
apart from that christmas was good and i feel positive about the new year but i still need to have help from legal team and it hard as i'm also running out of money and legal aid. and they said he has to have a alcohol test and because his legal aid is not paying all i have to have half of costs on my legal aid but what if i cant get it?
happy new year to you
Hello ABT
It seems unfair that you should be paying for the test!
Make sure you wrte down everything that happens, eg over Christmas he did not do what was agreed. The reason I suggest you write it down is that I know from experience that it is really easy to forget things and get mixed up and then you may need to give it as an example in court.
Hello I'm doing this (IDT) am wondering how you are doing?
hi hun how are u, well my soliciter said my half my legal aid cud go towards his drug test now tht as cheesed me off without swearin, wish i cud disapear, do u feel like tht, xxx did u av gud exmas,wot u upto tonytxx
Hi all and here's looking forward to a New Year.
IDT, I am glad that you had a good Chirstmas 'Boxing' Day with the children, how were they after their visit with their father?
Hi ABT, I really hope you take on board what Louise says about writing everything down, if you are not already, I found this invaluable, because not only did it stop my head going round and round, it meant that I could document it then move on. It felt like I was actually in some sort of control over the situation.
Hi kiera, the hair test is today, I will be going over to your thread shortly :)
hi angry how are u, how is everythin goinxx
Hi IDT, Happy New Year!
Long time no see, how are things with you? 
Hello Anna,
Been in hiding Well courts a week today so you know..
I'd rather fall down my stairs break a leg, hop outside to get run over by a bus then fall off a high rise building only to come to a near death by drowning get poked in both eyes and a bird shit on my head than go through the joys of leaving an abusive twunt
It's nearly a year now since he applied for residency it's a long time.
I miss my budys on here and our all night party's, hope everyone's well?
Morning IDT
Good to hear from you, yes I can well imagine there is nothing you would hate more than what you have been through and are going through. A week until court. What is the latest from your solicitor about what they think will happen?
Hi Louise, it's not looking good for me at all
Her words "it's on a knifes edge."
hi im doin this how are u, my soliciter said to me in court in july im luking down dark hole and if i keep avin contact with ex im gona fall down it, how av u bin hunxx
Hi IDT, good to see you back on One Space, you never can predict how these things are going to turnout.
Big hug and stay strong xx
Hi Kiera I'm up and down and all over the place but managing to keep normality and routine for the children.
It's hard to have no contact, iv slipped up lots always regreted it but still go back u just do.
Got SS off the scence now we had a meeting and it's closed so that's good.
How are kiera? How's life hun?
Hi Sally, I know no one can product it can they , that's the cruel part the not knowing and waiting my daughter terrified of having to live with him, she's had days off school with 'belly ace' I knows she's worried.
X
Hi IDT, its good to see you again and glad that the court date is only a week away, it is daunting not knowing what they will say, but at least you will have knowledge.
Its good to hear that SS are off the scene too, that has to be a positive thing.
It is hard to have no contact, but you have to see through the words that you ex says to you to lure you back and when you are the one to instigate contact, you need to find other things that are positive in your life, to remind yourself why you aren't together.
How has the Freedom Programme been going? Are you getting some good support?
Hi Anna
The freedom program ended before Christmas the wa lady is supporting me and going court too.
The relief next week will be massive (whatever the outcome) I need it over and so do the children.
You get that used to feeling stressed you get used to it and become accustom to it, I said last week to myself it like if your going to take my children away just do it now get it over with, that's how it gets you.
I don't listen to him, all his words are see through to me now, his texts I just answer in brief if it's related to the children, it amuses me slightly he still Trys his best to control me I laughed at myself of how I used to run around after him lime a scared little mouse, shows I have moved forward.
I hope you have your fingers ready to type next week? Along with the tissues and the a beverage or two x
Aww, hi Imdoingthis, I am so pleased to know that the womens aid lady is supporting you and going to court with you.
I think once court is out of the way and you know exactly where you stand you will hopefully be able to start relaxing.
When we are living with heightened drama/awareness for our safety, we are always in Alert mode and it is only when we take a few steps back and are safe, do we really become aware of a) how dangerous the situation really was b) how completely petrified we have been and c) how we will start to look after ourselves to ensure we don't live that experience again.
I am glad that you can see through his words, he will continue to try and control you, but it sounds as though you have moved on some. One thing, don't laugh at yourself too much about running around like a little mouse, you were living on the edge of danger at all times and you had to do what you needed to keep yourself and your children safe. So please be kind to yourself.
Anna it is and I feel sad
X
Jeeze it's a bit ghostly around here where is everyone gone, I guess its down to holding ones own hand and drowning sorrows alone
Ignore my sacraria head on, iv not calmed down yet after today so I'm on one.
Hi IDT, I guess everyone is in full swing for half term, are yours on a break this week?
How was your weekend?
hi hun wot date is ur court hearing, how are u, my court date is 26th feb, its a contested hearing, dreading itx
Hope all goes well in court IDT, i will have everything crossed for you
Hi IDT/everyone,
just wanted to pass on some of my recent experience. Had a mtg with soc servs recently. Turned up for meeting and ex launched a tirade of abuse at me in the mtg over alleged things 10 yrs ago. I just simply said I didn't agree. She tried to make it Jeremy Kyle like - and despite me wanting to stand up for myself/pride I let her rant. She was asked to leave the mtg. Me saying little did more for me than opening my mouth. I could see attitudes changing around the table. Ex has now got to take a drug test. Children staying with ex are now considered to be at risk and ex's situation is being very closely monitored.
I guess my message is this - I know it's hard but do your best to conduct yourself well. Try and keep your composure and try not to let your ex press your buttons. It's not easy if things go against you. The frustrating thing is that if the so called professionals had listened to me 10 yrs ago a lot of the heartache could have been avoided. However I have had to learn to accept the decisions whether I liked them or not.
Good luck - all of USB will be rooting for you!!!
Hi
All Charlie had to smile in a nice way when I read this as I carnt say to much but was just talking about the opposite, we never know how we will react in situations should I/ can I say x y z shout if it goes wrong this is.
So good timing with your post AC
Thanks x
Thanks Sally x
Kiera it's this week two days x
Anna my children are off next week for half term x
Morning IDT
Nearly there now. All charlie has put a really interesting perspective on things and actually that is borne out by kiera's experience in court last time, where her ex had been full of bluster and was shown up by the truth.
It's good that your children have the routine of school this week and I am so pleased that you will have support in court.
Be proud of the way you have coped through this and here is hoping for some good news tomorrow.
Hi Louise thankyou.
It's two days so won't know until thursday I need knocking out until then x
X
Ok so you go to court on Wednesday and then you hear the outcome on Thursday?
Trying to find a way to 'deal' with this is impossible going out my mind
Iv tried 'putting it in a box' until feb iv tried telling myself it doesn't matter if they go, yep right nothing is working it's all bubbling to a head I want it over we need it over it's not good for the kids ah don't know