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Everyone is full of sh*t if they ever tell you can leave don't be fuled its wrong Professionals enable these men to carry out their work The woman ends up looking like t ' the mad cow' ' the unstable one' F*** off to any one that said a woman can get out from him I was there to be trampled on and should of remained in my doormat state Silly little c** for thinking otherwise Silly little b***** for thinking she rights to her own brain I guess slapping me into reality was needed After all I'm just for breeding
Stupid world stupid f***ed up system that's ment to protect us ! Ha protect us my arse it's a joke
Hello IDT
Right I understand more now (and I know you don't want to give too many details so that's ok) You have been let down by the system bigstyle, you made the break and the support wasn't there and you feel angry and very trapped.
I don't know what to say as I feel quite useless that anything I could say would make a difference so sorry I haven't got a load of wise words for you...wish I had.
What I can say is that lots of us on here care about you and hold you in our thoughts and I truly hope that counts for something in the dark place where you are right now.
Yes I'm upset louise and thankyou for your support x
You are welcome and I wish there was more I could do. Ok so Cafcass are talking about him having care of the children, that is just ridiculous. Words fail me!
I should not of left him simples
Hi Imdoingthis. Like Louise, I'm absolutely shocked that Cafcass are thinking of letting him have care of the children. What is their reasoning behind this decision? Are you able to say on here?
hi im doin this sorry ear wots bin appening, i cant believe tht bout cafcaass,,well i cvan after sum stories i hear bout them, its not bloody ryt ata ll, u leave an abusive man and yet u stil get ur kids tuk off u, where is justice in tht, its disgusting, u shud spk ur mind, u prob feel wots point , aw sorry hun, x
hi im doin this how are u hun, ope u are ok, thinking of uxx
Xxx xxx x
are u ok hun, x
Not really if I'm honest Hun it's just horrid and all wrong
It is wrong.
Words fail me.
My heart is breaking for you.
hiya im doin this ope ur ok this mornin, ur prob not,wots appenin, i really feel for u xxx
Wow IDT, you were really giving yourself a hard time the other night weren't you! Calling yourself all the names under the sun. Words that I believe that he has used on you. Please don't use them on yourself. This takes practice, however you know that you are not stupid. I don't care what you say on here, but deep down you do know that you are a survivor, regardless of what he has done and you will continue to keep fighting.
When we are feeling vulnerable we beat ourselves up, but we need to learn that this is precisely the time when we need to nurture ourselves. If one of your children was talking as you were, you would cuddle them, make them a warm drink and soothe them - you must learn to do this for yourself.
Have you spoken with the womens aid woman again?
I can understand how scared you must be feeling right now, however today you need to dust yourself off and try again. Keep reaching out for support, speak to anyone who is in your support network, ask how you should be dealing with this.
Have the CAFCASS officers compiled their report already or is it still ongoing?
It's completed already anna
Hi IDT, i'm not sure what to say, who told you that CAFCASS were recommending that your ex should have the children?
I might be wrong but i think that you can ask for an appeal against a CAFCASS report on the grounds of it being a bad report, you would need to check that with your solicitor IDT and ask them what you can do.
Were all thinking of you IDT xx
Sally yes I know about this thankyou, Well I'm thinking loads of things
I can talk in code but then guess works no good for you guys x
Its reality of these men and their handiwork Maybe someone in this situation would be past caring and maybe they might not give a sh*t anymore, maybe a woman leaving an abusive man would be powerless the sad reality is the woman's children are at high risk she knows this because she's seen the damage he's done to her and her children over Years. So she's spent time covering up to protect him now she carnt protect lots of little lives , little vuntable people Some things he did to her are very alarming but because the womans not taken seriously he can care for their daughters again placing them at great risk This is what a woman leaving an abusive man has to face, it's the sad reality in my opinion
Hi IDT - you took the words right out of my mouth!! have been trying to follow this but just couldnt and therefore difficult to help/advise or be there for you. Only words of wisdom I can think of, is not to 'project'. Unless u know things I dont (which you very possibly do), unless u know what CAFCASS have written and seen it, you could be worrying about nothing??? Dont wish to sound patronising but from my experience I have worried about a lot of things which have never actually happened, eg went to see my boss the other week and was worried about his feedback and actually what he said was totally different to what I expected. Thats because (like you) I am very good at beating myself up!! Crazy really but still do it, despite knowing that it is counter productive. Hope you get through your down patch. Other words of wisdom I can think of is to 'accept' the situation. Easier said than done, but found I have had to try and do this regarding my daughter last 9 years. Despite knowing my ex had lied to get custoday and lied ever since, I was still forced to pay maintenance knowing that most of it was going up ex's nose. Didnt seem fair and authorities supposed to look out for my dghtr werent interested. However it seems all this has come back to bite ex on her bum!! Am told her septum is gone through years of usage and a few other things suggesting she is in a bad way. Whilst I dont wish this on her, I also think there is a little bit of justice. She had the option to get help over last 9 years but chose to lie instead. Enough said. Take care and hope all goes well
Hi Charlie
I have seen it
You bang your head with authorities
My best help was shine charity
And my Hv
But police are orfull they have no idea
SS are not much better yeah iv had support from them that's helped me but not protected my kids , they fail and continue to fail them it's sad.
X
hi im doin this how are u hun, well police can b partonising, hun im on tv now dispatches channel 4, tina nash is on, im glad i didnt end uplike er, seriously watch it hun xx
What time? When?
Are u on it
yes bin on, u saw my head and hair and cardigan, lol, tina nash bein led down corridor, thts where freedom programme is, x
was on 8pm channel 4x
Yes I watched it, was interesting
I'm not sure how it helps the woman if they actaly 'tell' the man first .... That puts her at risk in it's self but the idea on a whole is very good.
It's a great way to lose weight all this stress by the way it's great x
Hello I also watched the programme and I was shouting at the telly! I don't know that this law will be very helpful. After all, if we recognise how hard it is to leave an abuser and how clever they are at making us believe that they have turned over a new leaf, that it was the other person's fault...then why would we "suddenly" emotionally disentangle from them because of a piece of information we are not sure is true?
Good morning IDT, that to me is incredible what CAFCASS have said. You're absolutely right, what message does this give your daughters...and indeed your sons? Make sure you make any appeal you are able to! Are you in touch with a solicitor?
Yes I am Louise.
Good, do your absolute BEST to oppose this!!!
it may be virtual, but loads of strength from me to you.
Thanks sparklinglime
Sad reality is he doesn't really want them
Yes, that is the ultimate irony. But do you think he will "want" them just to get at you?
How are you today? Did you go to the Freeodm Programme yesterday?
hi im doing this how are u this morning, ope ur ok, xx
Hi Imdoingthis, I believe you have court tomorrow, how are you feeling? I hope you spend this evening, cooking something nice, watching something gentle and then getting to bed early.
I will be thinking of you, pleaswe let us know how it goes.
hi im doing this how are u hun u av court tomoz, will b thinkin of u ok, really ope u get thru it, we are all ere for u ok, xxx
Hi thanks x
I don't know what to say about how I'm feeling, could write you a list I think.
Some of my children don't want to go to him.
Good luck for tomorrow. Shall be thinking of you, and sending positive vibes your way.
Just wanted to send a big hug for 2moro. Go get em girl - or something of that ilk!!!! Hope it goes well :-)
Thanks all!!
Appreciate it, I'll imagine you walking in behind me tomorrow,
My vertal army ... Left righ left right...
Bring it on I say x
hi aw sum ur kids dont want to go to him shame init how old are they as they are certain age they can spk their mind cant they and say they dont want go to himx
Hello IDT, yes take us as your virtual army, we will all be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes
thinking of u hun in court xxx
Hi Imdoingthis, how are you this evening? How did it go? I hope that you remembered to take us all in with you!
I imagine this evening you will be feeling pretty exhausted, I hope that you can have a quick and easy supper and perhaps get all the kids together and snuggle up and watch a film together.
Take care of you 
hi im doing this really ope u are ok, thinkin of u alday and ur childrenxx
Hello
Today went better than expected, kids still with me, so big relefe.
Final hearings been set
thanks for all your support x
I'll update more in morning x
Hello IDT glad it went better than you feared, bet you were totally exhausted last night, did you get some rest? look forward to the update when you get chance.
Hi IDT so glad that all went better than you thought, what a relief, how are you this morning?
Sorry I'm not giving you exactly how it is anymore, but Louise that's not how it is. You carnt leave an abusive relationship everyone's tricked me, I believed people. Nasty nasty nasty people that lie to woman Nasty professionals that are full of sh*t and actaly help these men to carry on their abuse. I'd of rarther been in a box my life ended by him that live this nightmare. The reality is not as people tell you it is going to be like.