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Hey no worries I am still awake too!! U will sleep and you will learn to sleep like a baby again. It will just take time. Not sure it is the answer but have a drink for me!! I wont make a comment on how do you know what a blow up doll looks like as I am sure u r as innocent as I am being a shy roman catholic boy lol. Take care and sweet dreams if u get any. Its off to bed for me!!!
Cheers !all Charlie x and thankyou for being there tonight I don't feel so bad now, I may pass out soon as Spode to fall asleep! Either that or I'll realise it's morning again when the cockral next door starts singing but hay ho I have no children to concern tonight so I can sleep Tomorow x
Who ever designed that emotion has some explaining to do in my eyes tut tut ( how do you get them by the way)
hi hun u awake lol, im goin bed now tho, are u worried he wil turn up, i use b like tht, on edge in my own house or leavin house ,my ex use park down road then jump out car when i was on way school, not normal bhaviourx
Yeah I'm edge alot that he'll turn up, or he will do something to my house it's horrible living like this.
Parking around corner it's horrible, that's what he does then I carnt see his van from my house.
you've done so well Kiera you sound so strong and determined too x
Hmmm Iv not passed out to date
Adds ice to her vodka
Carnt sleep I never had these issues when with him
Is anyone awake ?
Need to talk?
.
I wish I could stop my brain it's on overload
My daughter said today mum I'm never getting a boyfriend this is horrible what you have to go through
I said to her swartheat this isn't normal to sit up and it be like this
I think my neighbours are sick of me ;(
Split up
.
Good morning hows your heads???
Found the passage I wanted to write and I have edited it slightly but it is in some AA literature I have. Here goes:
'I have learned that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isnt easy, but as long as I know I am progressing, I know that I can mark my effort, as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend, it lets me know that there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action, the pain gradually goes away.'
I must admit that the above has worked for me. When I look back on my dealing with my ex (and maybe even at times now) I was emotionally immature. I had to grow up. Slowly I have done that. I started to behave differently and react (or not react) differently. It didnt happen over night and if I wasnt sure how to behave I asked someone I trusted.
Let me know what u think of the passage and hope you have a good day. Not sure what I am going to do but I think it involves a good breakfast and then maybe out for the day. Take care
All charlie, I love that. It is very empowering and encouraging.
Well it sounds as if it was a bit of a party on here last night. It IS scary to think of a new relationship when you have had such bad experiences, I guess that the main thing is to LEARN from that, but first to spend some time on your own and build up your confidence so that NEVER AGAIN will you allow anyone to treat you like that.
I'm doing this, hope you managed to get some sleep in the end. It's ironic, isn't it..the children are away so in theory a chance to sleep but then it becomes difficult to settle. Very annoying!!!! When are the children due back? You talked about the cockerel next door crowing, do they really have one?
Very quick update. Dghter will not go back to her mum and new husband. Not sure why but staying with relative. Social Services and police involved. Going to see her shortly and maybe spend time with her. Think (pray) of me and her - this could be the answer to all I have been asking for. Hope you all have a brill day!!!
ho louise next door use to ac chickens, very loud, not got um now cos of cats, next door but 1 as eagles, like farm lol,x
morning im doing this how are are u stil asleep, how are uxx
hi id b gutted if my dawter wudnt cum bk to me, wonder why maybv she doesnt like new hubby, as ur ex not got gud track record,
Morning all,
Very tired to say the least, I wish I had gone to bed now I was up till 5.
All Charlie I hope your daughters ok and she gets the care she needs x
Kiera how u feeling? I have to drink all I buy, stupid I am.
Got that much to do not sure what to do first.
I want to cram so much into the child free time x Louise they arnt actaly that loud next door or maybe I have double glazing x
hi ive stil got over half bottle malibu left, av couple glassed tonyt watch x factor, got all my bedding hung out, sunny and windy, wot u upto today hunx
Hi Kiera
Well I lost half half my day sleeping as was up till 5,
I had some boring jobs to do, then went shops.
How do I deal with the pressure feel like I'm in a pressure cooker with no release for it all getting stressed again
I was worried about him and the kids I don't wAnt him near me again idont Kobe what to do I don't know what do now I don't want him here idont I just don't stuck in it I don't feel goidx
hi hun sorry its my son laptop so he ad it, wish i ad my own, u dont av to av him nr u at all, seriously, thts wot i thought bout my ex, htought im never gona get rid of him i didnt see way out, but there is, but u av to take steps to do it hun, otherwise he wont,he really wont, he wil get worse and these men are unpredictable who nos wot he cud do hun, x
hi hun how are u, are u awakex
I'm not to good I don't think
Hello I'm doing this, sorry to hear how you are feeling like a pressure cooker (that's a good description) You know very clearly that you don't want him there but you can't see a way forward. It's so scary when everything seems to be trapping you...but you have come so far already (maybe that is easier for us to see than you!) and sad to say, only you can break out of this, though we will happily hold your hand while you are doing it.
Do the children come back to you today or have you already got them back?
I am looking for some poems written by other women who have been in abusive realtionships and will post a link to them so you can read; I think you will feel a strong echo there.
I got the children back sat tea time.
I don't know how to get out this mess
Please someone put me out pain
I'm so messed up
We all care about you and I wish there WAS more I could do to ease your pain. I am posting links now to those poems, which I hope will help:
Can you relate to them and which do you prefer?
hiya how are u, wot u upto today, is it sunny where u arex
Thanks Louise x
I like the second one I think it's got more deep meaning/ though and feeling, it's well worded in my opinion.
Hi Kiera it's been really warm amd sunny here today, I took the children out for the day I only get Sunday with them so sunday I like to take them out.
He's threatened me again tired of it
Xx
hi im doing this, how are u today, ex as threatened u agin, thts bcos he keepas getin away with it hun, and he wil keep on doin it, please do summat bout it, no its not easy, ur never goin b happy while ex controlling with the threats, and demands, ope ur ok hunx
Hi I know but he gets away with everything anyway, it's a waist of time reporting it as no ones gonna believe me anyway.
I just think if he's gonna do or not I keep thinking would he actaly do it
Good morning all, well it is actually chucking it down here 
, bring back the summer!
Imdoingthis, how are you today? You said that your ex has threatened you again. When or how did he do this? Via text, voice message or face to face? Please consider reporting this to the Police, no one has the right to threaten your physical safety and it should be recorded, you are an important human being in your own right and you are also a carer of your children. You need to be kept safe.
I think somebody mentioned earlier that you have the right not to see him if you don't want to. I think you have said in the past that you take the children to his house, is that right? Or does he collect them? Either way, it is possible for you not to have face to face contact. Could the older ones take the younger ones to the gate?
If he phones you, you don't have to answer it. If he texts you, you have a choice whether it affects you or not.
I know it doesn't always feel like it, but you do have choices.
You are self medicating when you are drinking alcohol, you are not enjoying it and socialising, you are using it to numb yourself from all the emotions you are dealing with. However alcohol has a funny way of making more of a mess of everything in your head, rather than help you see clearer. And it can often make it harder to just say 'No' to things.
What is your plan today?
hi well my ex made plenty threats and thjt made me very anxious cos wernt sure if he was goin to carry um out, most tym he didnt but couple tyms he did, mak,in me ill worryin,but of course hun thts wot he wanted, like ur ex, and it is never waste tym reportin him hun, at sum point ur gona av to do as u cant carry on like this, mean exmas cumin up,ur ex wud lov u to av crap exmas wudnt he, i did last exmas, cos my ex, letin me down and turnin up ,so upset and anxious, this exmas it aint appeninm, gona av gud exmas with kidsx u av kids think bout hun, they want happy mum not stressed out and unhappy mumxand ur notx
hi anna well sunny ere, thought b rainin today but sunnyx
Hiya Imdoingthis,
I would just echo everything Anna has said. It may seem alcohol is helping you but from my experience (and I was doing what u r doing) it was making matters worse. i wasnt dealing with issues I was trying to drink them away. I just got myself in to a bigger hole that I was unable to climb out of. Slowly things do turn around. You think of different ways of dealing with things and by changing your behaviour, pple change their perception of you. You may find that the police are more receptive if you approach them in a different manner/way. On the front desk at Hampshire Police locally they have a real battleaxe - so I avoid her. However sometimes there is a nice guy who supports Ipswich Town. I know this cos he was wearing a little metal badge. So I stuck up a conversation about this and then told him what I was there about. He was a lot more amenable!! Different ways of catching a mouse!!! Good luck
Yeah it is a blok to knum things right now, it's helping me coap with the emotional baggage.
The threatened me over the phone said once he's got residency of the children he wants to do x y z , he's got weird thoughts, he's told me things before that are strange, he said hr wants to do x y z so he can see the fear on my face.
Today's a clear up after the weekend day for me xx
Raining here too :(
Raining here too - but in my head the sun is shining!!! 
Hi IDT I dont want to preach but share my experiences with you. I drank to numb the pain - i thought i was in control and it got a grip of me. The drinking to numb the pain can be used against you - your ex could say u r an alcoholic and in which you case you are playing in to his hands. Alcoholics turn to alcohol to deal with their pain/emotions. Smokers pick up fags, chocoholics eat chocolate - get the picture?
We can see from what u describe what he is doing to you but we can also see what you are at risk of doing to yourself. I have been there!!!! Sooner or later u will wake up and smell the coffee and if u do that now, you can save yourself a lot of further grief. We are here to try and help you and sometimes tough love can be the best way!! Take care
well im in north west and sunny as anythin x
lol liar!! its never sunny up there!!! lol where r u based Kiera?? Dont have to tell me exact but just curious. I am originally from just outside Manchester
its bin sunny alday seriously was yesterday as well, im half hr way from town, meanin manchester lol got all mi washin out really warm in garden, nr salford
and ur ryt usually rainin altym and windy lol
Hi Imdoingthis
Your ex is still trying to control you with these threats you said yourself he likes to see the fear on your face, i know it's difficult, but you can choose not to let him rattle you.
I have experience of anxiety and panic attacks so know how awful they are, but the alcohol made things worse, it made the anxiety worse, it also prolonged my recovery, alcohol is a depressant, it may numb everything at the time but eventually you have to deal with how your feeling.
How did your clearing up day go, did you get it all done? how are you this evening?
im looking for relationship becuase i like be whit someone im single long time ?
hi karim how are u, u ok wot u bin upto
Karim, you have been told already. This is not a dating site, it is JUST a support group for single parents. Please feel free to join in and support others if you so wish. If it's a relationship that you're looking for, then you should be looking on a proper dating site.
Maybe 'karim' Has other intentions
Hi Kiera - u made me larf regarding the wind and rain. I do miss the horizontal rain!!! NOT!! I used to go to the Building College on Lower Hardman Street just across from the Mark Addy pub if it is still there?? My mum lives in Ashton and went up there a few weeks ago to see her. Its ages since I have been properly around the centre of Manchester. Would love to get the time!!!
Hi Imdoingthis - how are u tonight. Hope life is treating you well and u r enjoying haviing your children around
All of you - have a goood nite and take care. Off to make a hot chocolate for my lovely and beautiful dgther :-)
aw ure with ur dawter, gud, well ive ordered vinmdaloo curry, with my son, not cum yet, not ad vindaloo bfore,lol its always windy and raint ere lolx
Loving horizontal rain!!!
Kiera how was your curry ? My faverate food is curry xx hope it was nice.
I hope you and your daughter had some time together all Charlie x
Im sat here thinking I wish I was in a reffuge right now with all my kids.
hi im doin this how are u , if u wanted b in a refuge u cud, make tht fone call , i got offered space there and then, in self containe dflat with my own door, but said no, but i wish at tym i didnt, u cud go for space to clear ur head, av break from stress of ex and threats and harassment, it was makin me ill wot my ex was doin, all ex wud say is well if let me in i wudnt keep cumin down wud i or txt or ring u, he just wudnt get it at all, but men like tht like ur ex never do hun and they never will, if u wana spend next 10 yrs way u are unhappy then dont contact any1 , please do summat bout it, i was like u just unhappy and goin on but doin naff all bout my situation, cum to point where ad kids think bouit u av to, they dont want their mum unhappy, not fair on um , only u can do summat bout itx
I just opened another drink :( ah I carnt sleep I'm to anxious if he turns up, bla bla bla ahhhhh b*stard man has f***ed up everything about me. If I climb into my box someone please nail down the lid and designable me please. Night chick x thanks for your company to night x