HI mark66 and welcome along. I agree, there are mums and dads everywhere who do a good and bad job, who support or don't support their children financially.
It's great that you have your son there with you. Have you had a look at this site, which ploughs through the ins and outs of the legal system? We also have our own Legal Expert on the boards if there is any information you think will be of help
How old is your boy and does he see his mum?
Ah, found your reply - silly me 
My son is 7 and he sees his mum every second weekend.
Hello mark66,
Welcome to One Space. Hope you're finding your way around ok.
There are a few other single dads on here, so I hope you'll find their threads and exchange stories.
Looking forward to finding out more about you and your son.
Best wishes,
Mary
Hi Mary
Still getting lost on this site - possibly a bit thick on my part 
I would like to know a couple of things about this site and the `advisers or support people`, are they/you trained professionally? I don't wish to sound in any way rude, but how qualified are the `parenting specialists`on this site?
I deal with: social workers, solicitors, barristers and others on a regular basis, including teachers and headteachers, doctors - the list goes on.
I joined this site so that I may be able to offer support to any fathers (or mothers). I know full well that the legal system is stacked towards the mother, but that if the father is a good dad, that the system can work in their favour - as long as they are a positive influence for the child!
Mark66
Looks like I had posted the same message twice by mistake.
Hello mark66, a bit of an explanation about One Space.
The one to one advice is delivered by established professionals from bodies such as Shelter and Citizen's Advice. I think, however you are talking about the general boards and the four of us that work as Moderators and parenting specialists. We come from slightly differing backgrounds, are trained in range of parenting and advice specialisms,span a wide age range and the big thing in common we have is that we have lots of personal experience of being single parents. Two of us are qualified counsellors, three of us are qualified in, and deliver different parenting programmes, one is a Domestic Violence specialist and all of us are experienced in working with vulnerable individuals and groups. I myself have been working with single parents for eleven years in settings as diverse as prison, church and schools as well as the community. Hope that answers your question!
I would also like to say that we are very proud of One Space, where members can get support, information and specialist advice completely free of charge.
I think the picking up late and bringing home early is indeed him still wanting to have some control over what I can and can't do.
He has been nice to me the past week or so and I knew that that meant something was brewing and I was right. Got a call from the CSA today saying that he was contesting their calculations, saying that he has the children over night a lot more than he actually does. See, we do have a contact order or shared residency in place(not sure what you call it over here) and he is SUPPOSED to have them a day in the week and every weekend, as that was what he had asked for 3 years ago when he took me to court after telling them I was planning on fleeing the country. He has not had them a day in the week in about 2 3/4 years and as of end of January he has only been having them 3 out of 4 weekends, but told CSA yesterday that he has been having them in accordance to the court agreement. They called me and asked if I had kept records of when they went etc and I had. So she got back to me later today to tell me that his claim was being denied and I should in theory start getting maintenance beginning of November.
I know a lot of people both men and women who I have chatted to and I can never understand who ever it is that is to pay towards their kids why they fight it so much.
I do think he is a good dad, well most of the time.I think he has let his new gf take away too much focus from his kids and they are the ones suffering. Yesterday was my son's 7th birthday and he was so excited that his dad was coming to collect him from school and then taking him on his own to "old Mcdonalds" for a special birthday supper. He headed off with his dad and I headed home with the twins to make them their supper. At 4:30 there was a knock at the door, he was already home. He picked him up at 3:40, drove up to the mickey d's drive thru, got him a happy meal,parked up for him to eat and brought him home. Last night at bedtime I asked if he had a good birthday and he was almost in tears asking why daddy did not want to spend more time with him on his birthday...what can you say ? I do not say anything about their dad in front of them so I just said I can not speak for your dad as to why he does things...just breaks my heart how he can be so thoughtless towards his kids now when a year ago he would have gone to the ends of the earth to make them happy...
You are all doing a good job, I have read many of the posts on this site - it would appear that many fathers don't really care and many mothers paint a very poor picture of the childens fathers - which leads to me to think why did the mother of the child/children actually have a child with the father?
Well my son resides with me, so maybe I might be considered as at least an equal on this site by the mothers?
I am a very good father and don't wish to cause any issues with the general feeling with mothers that dads don't do their bit.
I am open to discussion, if anyone would like to chat. I can give a fathers perception of things 
Mark66
Hello mark66 whilst many mums on here do say that dads don't do their bit, I know of many dads where the mum does not do her bit, we have a few dads on here in that situation too...and I also know of many great dads who do not have the main day to day care of the children yet are fab parents. I was wondering if you could start a thread about this,maybe in the Dads section? (click) Personally I think a discussion about this would be really valuable and interesting, and if we put it on a new thread then that leaves this thread free for new people and their stories. What do you think? Let me know if you would rather I started the thread than you!
Hello bunsy04
Thanks for the update, that was a bit of a surprise, that he claimed to have the children so often. Your poor boy was so disappointed!!!! Can I suggest that the next time they are sue to see dad you don't let it build up and say things like "yes your dad is coming, he is very busy at work at the moment so you might not see him for long" Yes this is letting him off the hook but what really matters is that the children are ok. I also suggest, if you can manage it, that you get someone to care for the twins and YOU take your boy to the "old" McDs for the treat he was looking forward to. If this isn't viable, I would suggest an indoor picnic, where you create a McDs in your living room. Your son might even want to be the member of staff and you can be various imaginary customers!
I split from my little boys dad after finding out he had been cheating for four years, which started even before I was pregnant with Os. That was 3 1/2 years ago and Os and I are use to being us too. He see his dad at the weekend but didn't before chrismas last year as he was working abroad and that was tough. Son is wonderful but has sensory processing disorder and poss ADHD and so hard work.
Hello alibar
Thanks for sharing. How does your boy get on at school, do you have any extra support? I am glad he is seeing his dad now.
Hi,
Thanks for the reply. My little one struggles at school alot as he has a global delay and huge problems with concentration. He really hates lessons and only goes to play with his friends.
Yes it is hard when they struggle. My youngest has what were described as "mild but significant learning difficulties" and I had to have extra support from the school. His speech was also much delayed and as for potty training...forget it. (he is now a strapping young man with a cluthc of GCSEs, a BTEC and a fulltime job, by the way 
) You do need some support, alibar, what does the school say?
Message to alibar
Just read your post about your son, why not ask the school about `elsa teaching assistants`?
They do a very good job.
thanks again. He does get help at school but they are not really able to give him as much help as he needs. I am waiting for an assessment fo adhd with the pediatrician.
thanks. He does get help in school but they can't give him as much help as he needs. He is waiting for an assessment for ADHD with the pediatrician. (can never spell that word)
Ok, try CAMHS - nothing to do with school, but it will be with an expert inmental health. I have been through all of this myself and am finaly getting to an answer, it takes time but is worth it.
Hi,
Thanks Mark. His class TA is wonderfull but they say he is a burden as she needs to give him so much attention. He needs to be sat with all of the time to concentrate as he find this so hard and is so easily distracted. I am hoping an ADHD asessment might help.
I saw your posts about being a single parent dad. I agree that there is no reason Dad should not be wonderfull single parents and they do get a bad press. Mainly becasue we only hear about the bad ones. It sounds as if you are doing a great job and have there interests at heart. I am glad the system is not giving you a hard time.
If you need info about CAMHS then you can talk to your son`s GP, they are all nuts anyway, just makes you realise that it wasn't that bad.
Can I ask what your experience was, as I don't know any other parent who have had a similar experience with there kids and other parents at the school seem to not want to talk about it.
Thank you alibar - just read your post about single dads
I fully understand that many fathers simply walk away and give up - not me!!
I am a dad that puts my son first (yes he has problems with certain people) obviously I cannot say on here for many reasons. But thank you for letting me know that you have read my various posts on this site. I nearly deleted my account on here, but simply went quiet
If you need any advice just let me know.
M66
My experience with my son - this is far too complicated for this site.
But I can offer advice.
M66
Ok that makes sense. The only help that I really need is to get an educational Psychology assessment so he can get more help at school. His school say no as his delay is not severe enough. Of course any help i can be to you let me know. I work with children as a counsellor at a primary school so might be helpfull at some point.
You are doing such a hard job after going through a terrible time. It sounds like your experiences of counselling have not been great as I am a counsellor of ten years and she should never have made you feel she was shocked by what you said. There is lots of different kinds and it is important you have the right counsellor for you, like any other relationship it has to work with those to people. I am here for support and help if you need it.
Ok Alibar
make an appointment with your GP, make sure the GP is good, explain your issues - ask to be referred to CAMHs, they may well refuse - stick with it. I understand how psychology works and it is different for all children, but if you do this you will need to reassure your child.
I work with children as well, but not in school.
You are a counsellor,which avenue did you take?
Mark
Hi Alibar
probably got this all wrong, you are a councellor, now you are offering me support?
I am offering everyone on here support if they need it. You gave me advice and so in return I said I am here if you need support. The counsellor thing was not saying I was going top counsell you, just i can be helpful to other as work with children in that way. I am going to see if there is anyway that this can be helpful on the site in general. Sorry not the best writer in the world as dyslexic.
alibar
you are offering support, are you by any chance a Pyscho - what ever they call them, or even a councellor?
I was offering my support, but guess you are way more qualified.
Now now boys!!!
Everyone on this site offers support.
Yes, we can all help each other along
mark I am not sure if you mean psycho as that is not very nice. No not saying my advice is any better. I was very glad of your advise which is why I ask. what have I done to upset you? I am sure i am not making my self understod in some way. so sorry was just trying to be nice and say as you help me I can help you if need be in the future. sorry if that was misunderstood. Time to go me thinks. I am new here so this has confused the hell out of me!
Whoops I meant psychotherapy, sorry alibar
No worries. just finding my way around the site and chating today.
Hi alibar. Hope you manage to find your way around the site. It's easy, once you get the hang of it. Look forward to 'chatting'
Thanks me too
hazeleyes - thanks. We got it sorted thank you, is alibar a boy then lmao 
it doesn't matter anyway.
what does imao mean? No I am not a boy lol.
well `lol` is apparent, `lmao` is similar - Laughing My Axx Off - probably not rude, but a bit rude, teachers don't like it - I will be told off 
oh ok, cool. not heard that before. may come in handy in the future.
No it won't lol, you made me smile then
alibar - I appreciate there are rules here to protect people, but may I ask you about being a counsellor (I spelt it wrong before), which area do you cover in your role as a councellor?
I have done quite a bit of work in that area. I have a couple of friends who are both psychologists, one is a councelling and the other a clinical psychologist.
question for louise or a member of staff
I appreciate that this chat is possibly taking up space, would you prefer that the chat was moved to another part of your server (chatroom)?
I am a person centred counsellor with children and use mostly cognitive behavioural therapy with adults. I have only seen children for a short while but been seeing adults for ten years in lots of setting including the NHS. If want to know more then that let me know.
Hello guys, Mark 66 yes you have read my mind; it is better to chat in Chat, please (link here) and let's leave this thread for new people telling their story.
Glad a post was amended or deleted to me. I took a step back last night on reading it, just thinking of a reply!!
Hazeleyes, sending you a big
Thankyou Louise. Maybe I should have just put this 
Hi all,
I've stumbled across this by accident and thought I'd share my worries so I can stop being so hunched up and tight with stress :/
My ex and I split in April 2011 and since then he had had our 2 year old daughter for 2 days per week but the 3 nights that span the 2 days. All was working fine until he decided he didn't have enough control in his eyes so he tried to get our childminder to sack us. Our daughter has been going there since she was 4 months old and sees it as a home from home, so removing her from there would be damaging.
As I would not agree to change her carer he became abusive towards our minder. he then stopped picking up our daughter on time and keeping her for several days longer than agreed with no word frm him. The first time it happened I was so worried I was calling and texting but got no reply. Thinking the worst I called the police who confirmed both were safe and well. He made me out to be a nutter parent to them. (he does have PR).
It got so bad that it was damaging our daughter who didnt know if she was coming or going, feeling enough was enough I contacted a solicitor. I dont earn a big wage, but it was more than allowable to qualify for legal aid so I paid this from my own pocket. He ignored every single letter.
Last week he once again failed to bring her back until 24 hours after the designated time and since then I received a letter from his solicitor telling me that I am the one who is behaving badly and laying down the rules for me to obey by! They even say that he has 50% of our daughters time (not true) and that things got bad because I decided to obtain CSA from him. In fact we both paid towards her child care by mutual agreement, when he didnt pay for 2 months I then applied for CSA. So he's lied to his solicitor also.
I've replied to the solicitor myself because I cant afford representation any further and pointed out that it was myself who arranged a solicitor to write to him many months ago to resolve issues that he ignored and he's now only involved a solicitor himself because I told him I was not going to stand for it and no longer send our daughter to him until these awful circumstances he has created. I have however confirmed to the solicitor that I am willing to re set up the previous arrangement of 2 days/3 nights provided he does return her on time and collect her on the correct date.
This aside I also want him to stop putting her to bed in between him and his new gf as our daughter is having sleep issues at home as a result, and that passive smoking isn;t good for her, as well as him collecting her without a car seat being illegal and irresponsible.
But now I dont know what to do next.
Should I apply for residency so that legally it shows my daughter lives with me but has contact with him? at present the solicitor (his) makes reference to us having 50/50 living arrangements, which isn't accurate.
Thanks for those who are reading and can offer any advice.
Hello Rossy, welcome to One Space and I am sorry to hear about what has been happening, whatever is agreed between parents should be stuck to by both parties.
We do have a Legal Expert on the boards and you can get some free legal advice as to the way forward. You can email them by clicking here and give them the details you have told us. Let us know how you get on!
Hello to all dads who have lost faith in the system!
I am a single dad and still in the progress of going through courts (so am unable to say very much), but if you are prepared to put your child/children first then it might go your way!
It has thus far for me, my son now resides with me (the father) - but it has not stopped and I get no maintenance, not a problem, but it shows that men are no worse than women when it comes to paying for your children!