Hello thenoodles, I have just been saying hello to you on the other thread. I think all of us are stronger than we realise, and sometimes things can be a nightmare while we are doing them and then we look back a year or two later and think wow! I did it!
Hey Louise, yeah Im starting to think that. You just have to make the best of it x
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Hello there
I am a 44 and had my son 11 years ago. It was my choice to go it alone but then and always since have tried my hardest to have "dad" interested in his son. 11 years of empty promises and let downs it doesn't look like that is going to happen any time soon.
Hello hon "THENOODLES" I am a single mum too and I'm 44 (a young 44 you lot lol). If you ever need support from someone whose been there ...... :)
With regards to your maternity pay, don't worry. Whilst on unpaid maternity leave you can claim Government benefits. Hell you've paid your taxes!
Hi there Natural Mystic and welcome to One Space 
Do you have support from Family and Friends? Whats your son like?
It occured to me (whilst pootling around the boards) that I've never told my story on One Space...so in the spirit of trasparency, here we go...
My name is Mary & I'm mum to A, who will be 9 on Christmas eve. I became pregnant with A following a hugely traumatic event in my life, in my heart of hearts knowing that my relationship with her dad was never going to last.
What did come as a surprise was how little he did in terms of looking after A when she was a baby (and we had discussed having a child, I didn't get pregnant 'by accident'); he all but ignored her. I may have well been a single parent from the start. I was really quite depressed by it, and eventually created a situation where it was impossible for him to stay in our flat (due to his laziness, he had never got round to having his name added to the tenancy agreement).
He moved out in rather a hurry - and out of consideration, when he asked me to stay away on the day he moved out, I did as he asked. You guessed it - he took most of the furniture with him (and to add insult to injury, put it into storage & went to live with his dad for a few months!)
All this happened around 7 years ago, and A and I have formed our own little unit. She sees her dad very regularly and although I don't think much of him as an individual, he does love A very much (and vice versa). I try not to 'sweat the small stuff' (although his parenting skills are few and far between) and we manage to have a civil conversation when we have to, for A's sake.
Pleased to meet you all!
Hi rudimentary mary, thanks for sharing that
I can imagine keeping relations good with your ex after he emptied your flat was pretty hard, but I take my hat off to you for sticking with it and encouraging and nurturing the relationship he has with A.
Great to have you on board
hi there....how do i get expert advice on here please?
Hi Spackman what would like expert input about?
Please summarise the problem and I will post a link for the right expert. Alternatively you can look here (click) and in the centre of the page there is a section called Ask the Expert and you can click on the right one to send your query to.
Hi , I'm 29 years old and became a single mum this month. As you know the first thing we try to do when someone breaks up with us it's to find some help. Well this is the 5th time my ex-partner breaks up with me and I feel that everytime I speak with close people that they expect us to be back together. But this time, although I didn't finished the relationship, I don't want to go back to him because he proved that he's gonna do it all over again. The fact that they don't support me anymore made me search for help online. Besides I live far from them, once I'm not in my country anymore.
Basically we came to london together to have new opportunitties and since he became a manager he didn't have time to spend with us. We started to argue because even when he was at home he was working. I can appreciate his effort but he's working so many hours without getting more money. Besides he has a band and finds always time to go back to our country to have concerts. If he didn't finnished our relationship I wouldn't had the courage, but since he did it, now what I want to do is move on with my life and be happy.
Hello, I have just been chatting to you on the other thread. I wonder if you would like to meet up with other parents near you? You could email our
Local Services Expert (click on blue link) to ask what is in your area, tell them exactly what area you are in when you write the email (don't put it on here)
Hello Louise, i'm gonna send them my email. I just joined the onespace today but I feel already that I can count on your support. Thank you!
Great to hear it Mia C, look forward to getting to know you!
Thank you Ana.
Today is one of those days, I feel down without straight to carry on, sad and confused. This pain seems never going to end... Hope that better days will come!
Hi Mia. Welcome along. We all have those 'down' days, but hopefully, you'll soon be feeling less sad and confused. The pain will end Mia, and with lots of support, the days will get better for you. Take care.
Hello,im introducing myself and my story.(well the short version) me and my ex were on and off for about 4yrs.From the begining he had a cannibis problem,we dicided we were ready for a family about a yr into the relationship,i broke it off with him when i was only 3months pregnant because he started getting mean.we got back together before our daughter j was born and everything was fine until he broke it off and walked out,now learning it was because he was sleeping with my best freind behind my back.Abut 2months later i told him he wouldnt see j if he was under the influence of cannibis,which unfortunatly caused him to take j from me and not give her back.i had to get a emergency rediency order for her to be returned to me and it all went threw the courts,he had a drugs test but he also accused me for being on cannibis just to makee me look like the bad one too.He passed it as he admitted after he took things to flush it out of his system,he accused me of having mental health issues and being an unfit mum,which killed me.Very stupidly i took him back on the condition he would give up the cannibis,even after the whole court issue which as a nightmare i still didnt learn.2yrs later i fell pregnant again when we were ina good place but things fell apart soon after,he because aggressive and would always be shouting at me.now being 8 and a half months pregnant with him still being very vindictive and having drag up court again,its very stresful,i feel after what hes put me threw over the last 4yrs and now were apart he still just wants to drag me the the dirt and hurt me threw the kids.im due in under a month and im dreading how he will use this new born just to hurt me,i want the beest for my kids but watching them suffer dealing with all the break up issues is killing me,its not fair on them.thats my story and iv already asked some experts some questions,just waiting for some answers to put my over worked mind to rest.
Hello hazeleye, thanks for your support. I hope so, I hope better days will come. I'm not been able to eat and everytime I try to do it it's a sacrifice. No words to describe it. It's not the first time he breaks up with me wich makes things even more painfull. I live everyday afraid of him trying to come back. When I asked him not to do it this time (when he broke up) his answer was " if that's what you want I will respect." Why end a relationship if you're think you can try again after some months? I feel his been playing with my life and most of all what worrys me it's feeling that doing that he's not thinking in our daughter. I want to move on, but being far from my friends is making things harder....
Hi Mia C it's awful at the beginning of a break up, but do try to look after yourself.
Can you not call or be in touch with one of your friends or family?
Hi zlenthall welcome to One Space, i look forward to getting to know you.
Wow you don't have long left until your due date are you all prepared for your new arrival?
Hello MiaC, sorry you are having such a down time, it is so awful when you can't eat because of that feeling in your throat and in your tummy, just try to eat very small things if that is all you can manage...a small banana, a piece of cheese, a couple of crackers, a little bit of soup just to keep you going. You DO need to keep going for your little one. This thread is just for people to tlel their stories so let's move over to your other thread,in the Separation and Divorce section and then we can carrying on chatting and supporting you. Click here to go to your thread
Hi zlenthall, glad you are making enquiries of the experts on this board. It sounds to me as if you may well need to be talking to Women's Aid (click to see) I see you have started your own thread so we will carry on chatting there, click here to see your thread.
Hello Christmas 2012
As you can see by the above, I have moved your comments and replies to a new thread in Parenting Support, this is so that we can give you ongoing support...click any of the blue links in the moved posts above to go to the new thread.
In the meantime, this thread is for members to tell their stories and we welcome all visitors old and new
Hello all
My name is Lizzie, I just stumbled across this site and found it very humbling and informative, I have a story and will try and keep it short. I am 41 have an 11yr old daughter i was with her father for 12yr when I was 7mth pregnant I found out he was having an affair I couldnt forgive this and hard as it was I left I have always worked so financially I muddled through, I was alone for many years then I met a new partner I was with him for 4 years I had a miscarriage this is when my life started falling apart not long after that I suffered a violent attack in my home I defended myself and ended up geting arrested for sticking up for myself I ended up leaving my job through lack of support through this period from them, all charges were droped and the person who attacked me walked away I have never been in any kind of trouble and found the whole thing unbearable and started suffereing depression and anxiety I have struggled to find work and found myself to be a shadow of my former self, not one to wallow ive tried to cope as best i can I split with my partner just before christmas and have just found out im 8wkss pregnant the thought of being a single parent again especially at my age is quite frightening also I am suffering with extreme sickness and fainting it is really taking it out of me physically and mentally, I was due to start a new job on the 14th but have to turn it down on recommendation off my doctor due to the driving involved, my concern is what do I tell the work programme about the job ? if i tell them Ive turned it down they will stop my JSA should I tell them I didnt get the job ? I dont tell lies as a rule but I feel under imense pressure from them, my doctor is happy to sign me on the sick as my health seems to be depleating and I fear I may slip into depression again, on top of that my sister who is my rock has just informed me she has got cancer, I havn't told ayone about my pregnancy as I feel under the circumstances it isn't the right time, the question I have is what do I tell the work programme ? I really can't think straight or know who to turn to for advice..
Thank you for reading my story
Dear lizymac, welcome to One Space and thank you for sharing your story here with us.
It sounds as though you have had such a traumatic time over the years. With a lot of different issues on your plate, I am so glad that you have found us and that we can support you get through this year and back on your feet. I have copied your post and started a new thread where we can talk further, please find it here (click).
I separated from my husband 4 years ago, he was physically, sexually and emotional abusive. I went to court and had him removed from our lives. we have 2 children who are now 13 & 10 years old. what I have realised is that I haven't dealt with what happened in our 10 year marriage. I'm finding it hard to look forward to the future.
After 6 months going to court and getting a non molestation order, he attempted to commit suicide and has severe brain damage. He has left me with joint debts which I'm struggling with.
It feels as if he still has control over my life, I have moved and got a job about 50 miles from martial home and him in nursing home. Just as I'm forgetting, I get a call from the home saying he is ill, but he always seems to pull through.
I'm really struggling and don't know how much more I can cope with.
Hello hanna 1975
You are very welcome here. You have had to so much to deal with and it feels as if you have been so busy looking after everyone else that you have not had much chance to look after yourself.
Why is the nursing home ringing you? They need to understand that you have now separated.
Please will you have a look at our online version of The Freedom Programme? This is a course which will enable you to look at the abuse you have suffered and to move on with your future. You may also benefit from seeing a counsellor.
I am sorry to hear that you have been left with debts, if you would like some guidance in managing these then do email our Money Expert
How are the children doing?
Thanks for your reply. The kids are pretty grounded and i'm very proud of them. they have had counselling and have coped amazingly.
the nursing home phone me because I'm still next of kin. I have looked into a divorce and know that's the next step. I work full time and try to keep busy but realise that I'm just avoiding what happened. I'm so angry at him, the first time I stood up to him all by myself and he still makes it all about him.
Hi hanna1975 and welcome from me too
Your kids sounds amazing and that is down to you, so big pat on the back to you.
Is there anyone else that could be next of kin for him? A brother? Sister? Parent?
Sometimes we need to take time out to recover after the breakdown of a relationship, that is normal, then just as we are beginning to feel a bit of safety/normality, we are ready for the next step which is face what we have experienced.
Your ex will always make it about him, so please don't hold your breathe waiting for any acknowledgement on his part. Would you consider talking to a counsellor?
Hi. Sort of single parent here of a 12 year old. Parenting has been a doddle so far until my little boy metamorphosed overnight into a sullen, disrespectful pain in the bottom. So here to see what i'm doing wrong, seems a great resource.
Hi Pazbob and welcome to One space
Your discription of your son so far sounds like pretty normal adolscent behaviour, do you have anything in particular that we can support you with?
How long have you been a single parent? Does your son have contact with his mum?
Hi there
Suddenly and very unexpectedly became a single parent on 14th October 2012 when spouse and father of children called from work to say he would not be coming home. Since discovered a whole load of debt for which he had nothing to show. Also uncovered websites on his computer advertising escorts plus msm messages between himself and women etc etc....since 14th October I have had to go through sexual health screening as well as try and secure the finanial future of myself and my children. I am a full time social worker and have three children in total and our whole life changed not just emotionally but practically. We had a horse and this had to go, we have a dog and just trying to walk him and sort him out in the day is a trial but the children love him and he is a source of company and security for me. Whole situation was massive shock not least because spouse spent virtually every day of our relationship telling me how much he loved me and almost begging me to never leave him. Not once has he faced me and told me what happened and why, I have been left to find out for myself. He deceived me and his whole family whom he also borrowed money from. He refuses to tell me anything and even rang the children the day after he left and told them on the phone so they had no preparation and did not have their two parents breaking the news to them.
Four months on and I am settling down although am having counselling as I still have not got my head round years of him sleeping with other women and then returning home to us, let alone all the money he has kept from us as a family and all the debt he has left.
Welcome along bennett21, glad you have found us.
What a terrible shock you experienced that this just came out of the blue, and have now been left with debts you could not have imagined, a feeling that everything was a sham as he lied to you contstantly and a resolve to move forward with life for you and your children (big hurrah on that last one!) Glad you are getting some counselling, that's great news.
Have you had some professional advice about the debt? If not then do contact our Debts and Benefits specialist by clicking here.
Is he having any contact with the children at the moment?
Hi bennett21. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. What a dreadful shock for you.
Hi there
Many thanks for the comments....yes he is seeing them although there is no consistency as he is a police officer and says he is working all the time......cant believe that unless he is one of the 30,000 odd officers who are moonlighting according to the Daily Mail (possible considering his debts). Yes I have had advice on the debt and luckily the only thing we are joint on is the mortgage and I am in the process of sorting this out.
Hi Pazbob and bennett21, welcome to One Space from me too
Pazbob, I think the teenage years are definately the hardest so far! I am glad you have found us and I hope that we can support you with any issues you are facing, look forward to talking some more.
bennet21, it is brilliant that you are on the ball and sorting out the finances, this will be tough time, but you sound like although you have had a massive shock you are looking after yourself and dealing with things accordingly.
I hope you enjoy looking around the forums and meeting other members, please feel free to join in anywhere or to start your own thread for individual support
This comment has been moved here.
Hi, I was 17 when i met my daughters dad he was 21/22 and we got on really well. I fell pregnant and then he confessed to hidding my pills. I was going out alot with him drinking so i was unaware. I was dissapointed in myself but i knew that my life was going to change and i prepared myself. My daughters dad then started getting agressive after we found out we were having a girl, there was a few insidents up until she was born but when she was 2 months old he pinned me up against the wall and tried to headbutt me whilest i had my daughter in my arms. I then knew that there was no way i would ever forgive him for that and because my daughter was involved i made sure that was the end of our relationship. I never once stopped him from seeing her but he always made it difficult to comunicate with me, we came to an arrangement for a couple of months but last year on my 20th birthday he attacked me whilest my daughter was watching and we had to go to court. He then decided he wasnt going to bother with her again and we havent seen or heard from him for over a year. I know my daughter is happy but i know it will get to the day when shes upset because she doesnt know why her dad didnt want to do anuthing with her. this upsets me every day.
nancy
Aww hi Nancy123, thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry to read that the situation upsets you on a daily basis.
I have a daughter who is now 18 and your story is very similar to mine and I have to say, him staying out of your daughters way, might be the biggest blessing. It is always great if a child can have a positive relationship with both their parents and extended families, however sometimes, some people are just unable to 'play the game' for the childrens sake and if that is the case it is perhaps less damaging for the child to not know that parent.
My ex took me to court a few times, but when the crunch came, he bottled out. I have worked with many single parents over the years who have also experienced similar situations and I have to say hand on heart, that although my daughter doesn't have a 'present' father, she is happy and confident, whereas when he was in her life, she was unhappy, aggressive, unconfident and had really low self esteem. So I know in the long run, this situation is better for her. You will deal with your daughters questions as you see fit when the time arises, but for most people who were raised by single parents, they say that although you may fantasise, you don't miss what you don't have!
Please feel free to join in with any of the other conversations on the message boards, we look forward to chatting with you!
hi im mandy looking for advice on my 14yr pld he does my head in i cant control him
Hello mandyleelee and welcome
There is lots of support here, you need to tell us more about what is going on so that we can help you. What is going on with your 14 year old? How long has this been going on?
Hello all. Well reading your heartbreaking but brave stories, I can't help but feel I'm not doing so badly afterall. I'm not 'yet' a mum as Im five months pregnant, 41 (I didn't think this was every going to happen) and wasn't actually 'with' the father as I had a nasty breakup last year and was happily dating and getting myself feeling good about life again. Then, bang, fell pregnant. I've still not told the father, but will do soon. Although I'm preparing for him not to be invovled at all.
I have a decent job, however I don't qualify for maternity pay so I'm worried about how to make ends meet during my maternity leave, but I know I'll work that out somehow. I have to.
You lot should feel proud of yourselves, most of you have done this while nursing broken hearts, I feel lucky that at least I don't have that in my life anymore.
xx