Your story!

Hi Sally, thank you, I've emailed him on the form on the site, but not yet had a reply!

Ahh fabulous, thank you :) nah, I already have my code names sorted ;-) hehe what does PG stand for, sorry lol

Oh right, I thought it took up to a year!

I'm currently looking for part time work now, I have my degree (finished it whilst still pregnant, thankfully, not sure how though...!) Hehe I've been given an idea from "daddy"'s mum (my would be m-i-l) to start doing a vet nursing degree when Sprog turns 2, then by the time she's 5 and going to full time school, I can start working ful time; I just need to look a little more in to the finer details, logistics etc of it, I do like the idea though! :)

Ohh okies :) thank you, ahhh yeah I knew that really...... Maybe..... ;-) lol I don't really swear much anyways, especially not when I'm writing :) hehe

Domestic animals, small furries ^_^ lol not sure what funding would be available to me though, as I already have a degree, so I know I probably won't be able to get a student loan :\

I'm not actually a facn of cats lol I've had quite a few pets though, my most recent being a dog, but sadly we had to lose her on Xmas Day '13 :( I have also had 2 rabbits, a guinea pig, several hamsters, fish, a newt, a giant African land snail and a cockatil hehe but not all at the same time! Lol xD

Thanks, I didn't think of that, I've found Turn2Us really helpful before actually :) and I'll definitely check that other one out :)

I haven't :\ I was actually so furious earlier though, when I was thinking about something while I was washing up (as you do) that I realised I was shaking! Sprog's dad keeps asking that he gets to see her in his work place (a soft play area) in Greenford; I live in West Drayton. His mum is caught between us as she has to be the messenger as he won't talk to me (not that I'm fussed), but she understandably wants to go out somewhere with Sprog as well, but she doesn't mind where we go. She text me this evening saying about meeting up on Tuesday, that he wants to go to his work, but also suggested maybe a park or something, but that has something to do indoors and out. I'm stuck for ideas x_X

Thank you, she was, she was our baby for almost 10 short years.

Ahh fab, thank you :)

Yeah, I was thinking a park or soft play area, I have a feeling that no matter where I suggest we go though, her dad is gonna stick his nose up and refuse to go, unless it's the soft play centre where he works, which is a nightmare for me to get to! And then I don't know where that leaves me legally :(

No, I haven't :( xXx

Ahh okies, cool, thank you :)

I spoke to my would be MIL today, and she said Sprog's Dad said for us to all just meet at their house after all ¬_¬ but she has asked me to speak to him about if we can start going out places to parks and stuff, but I don't see how this is gonna be possible much as he doesn't even acknowledge me! He talks to Sprog about Mummy, like "pass this to Mummy" etc. but I just know that when I try to talk to him, he's gonna sit there being really sulky like a teenager and just talk to me in a moody miserable little mumble :(

MIL is gonna ring me again tomorrow though, as I had to hang up today as Sprog was getting really grizzly whilst I was on the phone.

Thanks Louise :) yeah, I had a natter with my mummy this morning, and she said no, stick to what the court order says, meet at their house and walk to park shops whatever, and don't talk to him, there is nothing to talk about. :)

I was meant to call MIL today, but I had a friend visit this afternoon, then I couldn't be bothered to ring her and say all that stuff :\I baked cookies with Sprog for the first time today though, she really enjoyed it... Actually, she just enjoyed nicking the chocolate buttons xD lol

I start counselling tomorrow though, I have a telephone assessment at 10am, I'm rather nervous, as I've always been the mentor, not the mentee :S

Hi,

only recently come across one space and thought what a great idea, finally a place for single parents.

my story (brace yourself il try to keep it as quick/short as possible lol) so I'm a single mom with 2 children my daughter is 8 and my son is 17 months both my kids have different dads hence the large age gap, neither of my kids see there dads, daughters dad I kicked out when she was 1 month old due to domestic violence, predominantly mental abuse more than physical, bit I kicked him out when I came home from work and witnessed him 'abusing' her, he was shaking her upside down by her leg, and she was screaming when I walked in the door my heart broke as the abuse towards  me I could deal with (or at least I tried to for my daughters sake) but to do that to my beautiful baby girl was totally unacceptable, as a result I ended up in a refuge as left the next day when he went to work, sounds sneaky I guess but he would of for sure kicked off if I had told him I was going, see he loved have mental control of me, striking fear into me all the time telling me things he would do if I tried to leave! He drank and did drugs as we'll so not really the best influence to have round my daughter, and ok I know I'm stupid for getting involved with a man like that in the first place but he said he would change and I believed him - thinking back on it he mentally manipulated me then! It's bringing back bad memories talking about it but need to get it out sorry anyone reading! Not seen him or heard anything off him for just over 3 years now thankfully but I did change phone numbers and email addresses when it all happened he just found ways of getting to me through mutual friends so I. Turn they were all blocked too.

my story with my son, me and his dad split up when I was about 4 months pregnant we had known each other for years as friends and I thought he was the person I would spend the rest of my life with, but unfortunately I was wrong again! he also did drugs (I do pick them I know) but he told me he had given them up so I believed him, I guess I'm very nieve, that was until I caught him out he. Use of thought I was stupid and that I wouldn't find out but I know the signs of someone like him from experience with my daughters dad, he didn't care at all about me during the pregnancy and it was a rough pregnancy as I spent a lot of it in hospital and not once did he come to visit me whilst I was there, always coming up with excuses like "I can't drive" or "I'm not very well" but maybe it's just me but I would have thought that since I was carrying HIS child he woud have shown a bit more interest, he could have caught a bus, he was offered lifts by my parents but still no visit! The icing on the cake was when his parents sent us some money to buy stuff for the baby and he spent it all on drugs, I only found out about the money as I found a card that he had hid, when I questioned him about it he just said, the money was for me not for the baby, but the card clearly said "here's £100 towards buying something for the new baby" but instead he smoked it all away with his drugs and wasn't even bothered that I was struggling to save enough money to buy stuff for the new addition, so when I got admitted into hospital for the fourth time at 4 months pregnant we had a huge row over the phone  he had turned into a lazy good for nothing, was always phoning in sick at work was so was on the brink of loosing his job which was just causing me even more pressure and not helping me when I was already ill in hospital worrying about the safety  of my unborn child, all he cared about was his drugs, he had no personal hygiene either so it was a case of if he can't look after himself how is he ever going to be able to look after the baby I would  have never felt safe leaving. Him alone with baby cus would never have forgiven myself if something went wrong so I told him to leave whilst I was in hospital. He made threats like "il kill myself etc but for me my baby's future was more important than any threat he made. I still have problems with him ow, I've changed my phone. Umber again and email addresses but he keeps finding ways to get in contact, the police are involved now as they say it harassment, plus he is making me I'll mentally!

neither of my kids dads have parental responsibility I made sure of that and neither of them see there kids again my doing, and there are people that slag me off saying the dads have the right to see there kids but I'm sorry I don't want negative input into my children's lives, plus they are not trustworthy, I have tried mediation but to no avail as sons dad just threw a strop and walked out and whe. He walked out that was it for me, all ties were cut!

so that's my story sorry is so long, I could have definitely been a lot longer, that Is the compressed version! If you have got this far thank you for reading my story, and any advice would be gratefully received x

I do have support from family, but unfortunately don't have any friends as such! The advice I guess I'm looking for is how to move on from my past instead of it hanging over me like a dark cloud constantly! Does it get easier? 

Hi sofu 77, welcome to onespace,  I have read your story, you have been through alot,and had to deal with some very difficult stuff , at time when you needed  support, a new baby and being pregnant,  but what stood out to me the most was what a great mum you are and how you have always put your kids first, you have def done the right thing involving the police, have they told you to keep a record of any harresment.? I'm glad you have found one space to talk to and there will always be someone to talk to on here, as louise has said in her post the only way is up!

Parenting specialist

Hi Billi and welcome along to One Space,

I'm really sorry to hear that you have been having such a tough time, sounds like everything has sort of come along all at the same time, it can be difficult to cope with everything when that happens, do you have friends or family that are supporting you ?

Has the solicitor suggested what your next steps should be inregards to getting your daughter home? Does your ex have any parental responsibility?

Sorry, my response printed twice!

I don't think my ex wants to move into the family home, but he does want to sell it for the equity, he would be unable to do that if D is still living here with me.

I don't feel able to speak to him face to face, he makes me incredibly anxious and I never know what kind of mood he's going to be in.  Now that his girlfriend is living in the same area as us, I believe he is even more manipulative and underhand.  So no, I am not able to communicate with either my daughter or ex at the moment. 

He clearly is not taking me seriously, or my legal responsibility for our daughter.  I am starting to feel inclined to involve the police, even if it means my daughter will hate me more.  I don't think I would be able to fax ex in mediation or court, so I don't feel I have much choice if I ever want to see my daughter again.

I would like to share my story. Not so much I would like to, as I have no other choice, because any legal action so far has failed. Stories like this "ask" to be publicized in the media:

Around the year 2000, I hooked up with my would-be wife. She came from a pathological family - no father, many siblings, her mother was an alcoholic, she too was an alcoholic and the whole family lived in conditions calling for vengeance to heaven. I wanted to separate her from this situation and together we went to work in London.

We never got married, because whatever I earned, my would-be wife would spend for alcohol. She drank away even an engagement ring. Still I was in blindly in love with her. The result of this blind love is my daughter, who was born in 2005. Throughout the period of pregnancy, my would-be wife was always drunk, but the child was born healthy, or at least nothing pointed to the fact that something might be wrong with my daughter.

After giving birth under a great pressure from me and from my family my partner
for a short time ceased drinking, or at least she was hiding it well from us. Her friends stopped coming to our house... friends whom she had many of, and I even did not know them. I was hoping that the nightmare has ended and that at last we became a normal family. Soon, my partner was pregnant again and then again she began to drink and to go out of the house in the middle of the night. In addition she often had post alchololic epileptic fits, so I spent nights searching for her somewhere on the streets of London, early morning hours we spent together in the hospital, and then around 7 in the morning I left her at home in support of my mother and I went to work.

After one such severe epilepsy seizure during a visit to the hospital my would-be wife told me, that she drinks because she misses her family back in Poland. I promised to bring them to London - her mother and siblings, and she swore she
does not take alcohol in her mouth ever again. I kept my word. Unfortunatelly my would-be wife did not keep hers. Together with her mother they were constantly drunk to unconsciousness. My daughter was taken care at that time by my
mother, because I had a constant work I didn't want to lose.

Finally one day I told my would-be mother in law what I thought about her and I told her to return back to Poland. The same day, when I returned from work, there was no one at home. They have gone out to get drunk with the whole family - my partner, her mother, two siblings 11 and 9 years old and my little baby girl in a buggy. They returned around 3am in the state difficult to describe. The children were hungry, dirty and exhausted.

I decided to unhook my daughter from the buggy, feed the children and lay them to sleep and not to let my partner and her mother home. My partner began to strungle me from behind and to scream at the whole street, that I was trying to kill her. She screamed in Polish language, because despite living in London longer than five years, she had no time to learn this language. When I got up from the buggy, my ex fell to the ground... not so much fell... she knelt. Let me remind that she was pregnant and she had probably at least two per mille of alcohol her blood at that time.

I didn't let anyone in the house. Unfortunately did not succeeded to recover my daughter from my shouting ex. The whole family went for a further escapade. I called the police and I explained the situation, but I was told that the police can not do anything in such a situation. In the morning I went to work again.

In the evening, when I returned home, I became for the first time in my life
arrested. I was acccused of hitting my partner. Spent weekend in a cell, and then was questioned and released from custody conditionally. The police didn't bother to check the state of my ex and of her mother. I had no right to approach my daughter, my would-be wife, her mother and her siblings, as well as my own home for a period of 30 days. Before I arranged for a case in court regarding my partner's false testimony, she sold some of my things, packed her things and abducted our daughter to Poland.

Then on the basis of the Hague convention I accused my would-be wife of child abduction. Soon my ex sent me a letter in which she invalidated her false testimony. The police said that they were "sorry" and "no further actions" were being taken. The case of abduction went to court, but I became instructed by the judge himself to restart it from scratch in Poland.

In Poland, my son was born. I was not given to be at his birth. Half a year has passed before the court in Poland decided that there were no reasons not to allow me to finally see my children, but for reasons unknown to me, I was to visit my children at their mother's place of residence only. I had to fly forth and back to Poland to my children and to London to work. I started in Poland another court case to establish the placement of children with their father. Despite strong evidence that my partner was not suitable to be a mother and she did not have housing conditions and finances nor she did have any family to support her, the court favourized the mother. It seemed that I was going to lose a case in court after all.

But my partner was so unpredictable that one day she was written about in the article "A young mother with two per milles." on the front page of a large newspaper. The police arrested her, when she was walking totally drunk along the middle of the street against the incoming traffic, pushing a buggy with my son in it and carrying my daughter. She was arrested, but my children were placed in care of my would-be mother in law, despite she was slightly under the influence of alcohol as well. Another time my would-be wife was arrested again. This time her mother was arrested too. On that occasion my children were placed in care of social services. I learned about it from newspaper and from my friends.

Days later I was back in Poland. For two weeks I visited my children in the facility, then the court decided to place the children under my care, and my would-be partner was deprived of her parental responsibility rights by the polish court. I brought my children back to London and I became a single father for the following 6 years.

But this story does not end here. After a while it turned out, that my children were not completely healthy. As it could be predicted, after a few years it became apparent that they were hyperactive. In addition, my daughter had serious problems understanding the world which surrounds her and she had serious learning difficulties. Still, for the next 6 years as a single father I had no major problems with my children. Several times I became invited to school and I was informed that my daughter did not manage to get dressed after the PE and once she showed her bum to the boys in the toilet. I was also informed that the children have bruises. I explained that my children like to fight with each other, but they never cry for this reason and they say they are just playing this way. Still the social services came to my house several times and of course they never found anything concerning to report. House is always clean, food is always prepared and healthy, I treat my children with love and respect.

But in December 2013, when I was picking up my kids from school, I was not permitted to take them home. I was arrested for a second time. I was told that during a school trip by bus, my 8 year old daughter had made sexual comments (edited by MODERATOR here, as we are aware children may have access to the site) Then the teacher passed this information further to other teachers and headmaster. And then social workers and police were informed. I was accused of a raping my own daughter. Medical examination showed nothing. My daughter has not been raped.

I was not charged, but because of "the risk" my children were once again placed in social care and later in temporary foster family. Already for nearly nine months I am unsuccessfully trying to recover my children and to have our normal life back.

I accept that my daughter had to be a witness of something, which as a child she should not had seen. I suspect that she witnessed something while still in Poland under "care" of my would-be wife. My father, who lives in Poland, personally knew a man, which for a some time lived with my ex-partner. This man was a drug addict and was a susspect of rape on a minor. Apparently he fled from the police to London. My father advised me of this post. And later, when the child was already in my care she might have had a nightmare of some kind about this man, whom by the way mummy asked to call "daddy", and so she said whatever she had in her little mind when she was interviewed by the police.

The law provides that the police have up to 26 weeks to further decide about pressing charges or dropping the case. This period of time has passed a long time ago. Police did not press charges. There was a case in family court. The police did not present any evidence against me. I am to be informed about the results of the case by 1st of August at the latest. It's already the 25th of August now and I still haven't received the judgment.

When I became arrested in December last year, my house was searched without any search warrant. Twice. Computers, mobile phones, a video camera and my identity documents (ID, passport, driving license) were detained. Also a laptop which belongs to my friend who visited me. To this day neither I nor my friend have received back this detained property. Without ID documents I can not work and can not have any formalities done.

Back in December the police has set me in the worst light to the school. They told the teachers and the social workers about "the risk that I was a pedophile". Later, social workers completely without checking this information and without any further findings by the police, repeated the same information to the temporary foster family. And the foster family repeated it further to my children. After I was questionned by the police no one asked me any further questions nor I was ever assessed. So my misfortune is that now the school and the police and the social workers are subjective and under the influence of each other. I am not told whether my children are healthy and if they do well at school and surely I haven't yet been deprived of my parental rights to have at least such information.

Contrary to the provisions of the Polish family court, my ex-partner was allowed to see children! What was that case in court lasting 1,5 years for?! Where is the justice?! My mother, who until December had seen my children on a daily basis and she was helping us a lot, she has without any reason lost the opportunity to see her grandchildren. She sees them only once a month now. I am without any legitimate reasons prevented from having any contact with my kids for almost 9 months now. For 6 years my mother has never observed anything that can bear witness that I dealt with my children badly. She clearly stated that in family court along with another friend of my family, who stated the same. In contrast, every time, when my mother visiting my children, she later tells me about new bruises and the fact that my kids no longer speak Polish language. Initially, my children said that they wanted to go back home. Now they say that "father is bad" and (edited by Moderator) racist remarks about Polish people. clearly this indicates my kids have been brainwashed while in foster care.

My rights, my childrens' rights and my mothers' are being harassed. My mother reported the fact that children have new bruises to the police. She was ignored. Reported this again to the PICC. Three times. She didn't even get the answer! I even contacted MP. I was told the MP indeed serves all kinds of support in difficult cases, but can not interfere with the police investigation. I assure you that there's no ongoing investigation. This whole thing is one big mess and lack of respect for human rights. If anyone is able to help me (influence the acceleration of "investigation" or court decision), please, I am asking for it. Otherwise this system is bullmanure and there are no independent, objective institutions to regulate it.