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I walked down from the car yesterday after taking the middle two to Youth Club. I had my duffle coat on, but the wind on my face... Take a scarf 
i am glad your hand is better. Hope the hospital goes well today.
Yes, good luck at the hospital shaz 5, I hope that you have your thermals on too!
It is so so so cold, but also so very beautiful too
was pleased with the hospital yest and took kids to counselling last night only have 3 more sessions to go to . we spoke after on our own and she as told me that my sons may never open up about their dad they have said that they want to lock it away if you like they dont feel happy in chatting about him . my son did write that he felt he couldnt or didnt want to chat to me as i have been through enough . as i saw what he had put down i got very upset as i want them to come to me and i have told them this as we were coming home that it doesnt matter how i am feeling they can always speak to me . my one son turned to me and said i know but him i dont want too know . we have got to continyue with our feelings tree that they made last week i thought that that was to say how they felt about what had gone on but she told me that it is about how they are feeling that day whether it is to do with school or home it was their choice .
really i suppose it is their choice whether they want to talk about their dad and as to be in their own time and time too for them is a great healer . the person at school who was sorting help out as not come up with anything or got back in touch with me or gone to see the kids in school . is by going to seek more help going to push the boys more quite or should i leave it for a while see how they go is it ok to let them not talk about their dad and what as gone on? i suppose cause i go to counselling and talk about what as gone on i feel that they should i forget they are kids and they react in different ways to us . god this is hard as i dont want them when they are older to reget or feel badly towards me but then im not stopping them seeing him when teh case is over it is them themselves that have stated that they dont want to see him ever . when i was 10 i stopped seeing my own dad this was due to my mom saying things to me about him and then later i found out that she rang him at 11 one friday and told him that we didnt want to see him ever and we didnt till i was 39 i found him and i was told things about what had gone on then that i never knew and was deeply hurt. now due to him having a wife for what ever reasons want have me in her life with her own kids from hwer marriage to someone else the only way i see or have my dad now is by texts or phone calls when he can . i know that is not ideal and it is sad but that is how it and what im trying to stop in away is history repeating with my boys , this is what im trying to say im scared of this . i now have nothing to do with my mom over this and other things she as done and said that i broke away 5 years ago . it as taken me along time to even to get to this point where by i can say it and write it down i dont want history repeating here with me , but i knwo im nothing like my mom as i have said that i would like the kids to see their dad and i have never said anything bad about him nor would i plus im not as strict as my mom and i tell them i love them and cuddle them daily which is something she rarely did . i dont hate her for it it was her way .
god here i go again rambling on here please to tell me to stop get over it . i do feel better in writing on here reading your posts and taking in the advice
well i have assembley to go too this morning been told it is funny and sad so i will no doubt cry as this is the last class assembley for my older son now the next will be a whole year one so i have tissues ready
Hi shaz 5, I think you have answered all your own questions within your post!
Your boys don't feel the need or want to talk about their dad. Children are resilient and now they have been given the opportunity to discuss and you are open to anything they want to share, maybe they just want life to move on and be normal again.
It was a horrible moment in time, but actually to them, perhaps it might seem quite a long time ago. If any deeper issue has created itself and starts to show at any time in the future, you will spot it and be able to support them them.
I think you have said that they talk to each other too, so that might be all that they needed to do?
You have mentioned before that you don't want to repeat the same situation as you faced as a child and that is your choice. As long as you know the children will be well cared for and safe then you don't need to stop them. If they don't want to see their dad, if they say this to CAFCAS, you may find that a judge still deems that they should because they are still quite young. I just wanted you to be aware of this.
I hope the assembly goes well :)
please dont say that the thas the only thing that the kids want me to say is that they never have to see their dad and the older one as said that is how am i going to get him there ? i have got to get into the car first then he could jump out . but not nice and im trying to put that at the back of my mind till we are at that point as this would upset them even more . but anna i do get what you are saying on this point.
the assembly was really good and i managed not to cry . it was nice as he normally only ever gets the reading parts as he is good doing them but to see him in a acting part was nice cant believe this year he moves on to seniors and the little one goes to juniors time flys .
going for a meal tonight with the girls from work as one of them left last week so looking forward to that and the baby sitter ready so i shall have a good night
Try not to worry too much about the future at the moment, just keep reassuring your boys. There is a long process tro get through before there is any question about contact.
Well done on the assembly!
I hope that you had a fun evening last night and you don't feel too groggy today
morning went out last night the meal was lovely the pudding was abit too much for me and i left it would like to say the hungry horse meals were lovely . then there as to be one , one that cant handle their drink and has to go over broad that someone gets hurt being me who got hurt . i work with her and we know what she is like she has far too much she started to lift her top up then insult the bar staff as they wouldnt let her take a pic . god know s how much she had had before we got to the pub but in her bag was a half bottle of booze then she had shots as teh night went on and it was before we left that she went around telling us what she thought and there were ones that when she gets like this laugh so that fuels her and i got and you need to get my bum up to teh bar and get yourself a man that is what you need to get yourself a man get up there well i wanted the ground to take me as this is infront of workmates and anybody else who heard it and yes i agree that it was the booze talking but still hurt . another workmate had got afew things said to her but mine hurt as it was raw .
yes im not saying dont drink but i think when you get like that stop
well i hope that the snow doesnt come i hate it when you have to try to go anywhere nice snow is when you can stay and look out
Hello shaz5
Sounds like it wasn't just the pudding that was "too much!" What a ridiculous thing to say to you. You are doing a fantastic job of looking after your boys and you are back at work now, coping with your hand injury and the court case not to mention recovering from the massive emotional upset of the breakdown of your marriage, and she thinks it is Ok to say that, oh my goodness. People can really show themselves up when they have had too much to drink and it sounds like this is a person to give a wide berth to, in the future.
Can I ask you whose opinion you trust more: this woman's or ours? You know what we all think on here and I would like to stick my neck out and say the best thing to do with this person is to rise above her behaviour and show her you are worth more than that!!
Yes the snow.........I do think it is on its way, wrap up warm 
I try to emphasise how drink can make you behave badly to this lot...
I'm sorry she spoilt your evening out shaz.
Torrential rain here.
morning all well it looks lovely and white here got 2 very eager boys who are wanting to go out but i have said they have to wait for abit as it being sunday . it started yesterday afternoon like they said and when i went to bed at 10 it was still snowing .
well after friday i agree with you louise that people on here have given me more support and advice then she had and yes i work with her but all i have to do is to just answer her at work if she talks and that will be it. god knows how much she had before she left for the pub at home i do know in her bag she had half bottle of vodka and like you say until you have been in my shoes they dont know how it feels and they have no right in telling me anything and people like that i really dont need to have in my life .
took the boys swimming yesterday and it was cancelled due to heating so not good when i wanted a lie in and then i took them to a community centre to try for another karate group this one does more fun things and games and more in how to build up confirdence and protect yourself so im going to give the other one up and this way we will be able to least have a day when we will can lie in and rest. which will do me good as with the school runs im not having this so im always tired and with whats going on this is not helping .
well tv night tonight is good taping call of a midwife then i can watch dancing on ice and wild at heart so that is me sorted cosy up on the sofa and be happy later . im just about to let the kids out oh well its about time the neighbours are up lol
We had no snow.
Been in the Scout hut all day which was ruddy freezing - which made me cough. And now I'm home and its a teensy bit warmer, its set me off coughing too!
Hope your boys enjoyed the snow. I know my lot (including the dog) will be very envious.
hi sparklinglime hope your cough is better not nice having to be in that hut though when it was freezing . yes they did enjoy playing and even cleared some of the neighbours paths too . they came back in after 3hours freezing . came in straight into their pjs and later my eldest went abit mad as one of the mothers came round in the afternoon as her mom has brought my bike off me and she brought her daughter with her and they are in the same school whoops lol
that is another gone that my ex had gotten me . could never ride the bike anyway never had a bike when i was a kid and my ex was showing me but he used too push me too much and i got to hate it rather than enjoy it ! also i sold the car sunday too so now on the look for a smaller car just for me and the boys . again another thing gone that was connected to him plus it was a big car and i dont need it and cost too much. i did get upset as things are going that we had as a family but its the right step for us to move forward .
had some bad news yesterday that upset me and that is my uncle's cancer has come back again this being the third time and i was trying to keep it together last night when i was told when all i wanted to do was to cry and ask why us why have we had the this bad luck and when will it stop ??
due to what went on with me i have had womens aid with me and i spoke yest to my co worker asking whether she was still coming nect week to have a look around the court with us ready for the trial . nope she is away plus unless i call her she doesnt ring me to see how im doing specially now that the case is near . at the beginning she was good but since it has been moved to crown court i have felt im on my own in away.
work yest was horrible not only did i have to try to work with that one who never tried to speak just look at me but my class were terrible whether that was because they couldnt go out to play as it was wet play i dont know but god i was glad to get away . it may have something to do with me having to see what they if anything say about friday nights goings on just hope they are better today !
Shaz, I do hope today is a better day... Has the snow gone? They won't be so distracted maybe?
Hi Shaz 5
What a night out! I think you have been hurt by your colleagues comments, but there is another angle to look at this too, she must be in a pretty bad place herself to be carrying around a bottle of vodka in her handbag. This doesn't excuse her behaviour, but hopefully it can help you rise above it.
You should feel proud of what you are achieving at the moment, as Louise pointed out and we all know, you are going through an awful lot and managing to hold it all down.
Do you feel able to speak to your co-worker about how you are feeling? I know it is difficult to be assertive towards people who are supposed to be supporting you at this time. But I do feel that you need to make them aware of how you are feeling. If not your co-worker then someone else in the office. It is really important that you lee them know what you said in your earlier post.
unless i call her she doesnt ring me to see how im doing
at the beginning she was good but since it has been moved to crown court i have felt im on my own in away
You could ask for someone else to take you around the Courts and see what they say.
You are feeling let down at the moment and unfortunately your class pick up on this (as our resilience and patience is lower!) You have nothing to be ashamed of on Friday night, so please be kind to yourself and keep patting yourself on the back.
thankyou anna yes friday night was not nice but a friend of mine said the same as you in why does she have to carry half a bottle with her but she always has and regular drinks a bottle each weekend of vodka but like you say is she happy but then that her and her life and like wise i dont have to listen to her and she has not lived in my shoes or gone through what i have . i have chatted to others and she has done things like this before but they have told me to rise above and at work be nice and dont let them see that they have got to me .
i could have a million people with me when i go to court but i still have to face being in there on my own and stand there and speak on my own and it is something i have to do and shall not nice but i will see this through and come through ok .
had a letter yest from my soilc about my divorce and i couldnt get hold of her all day lines down and then she at court . i think or hope its to do with the next stage of the divorce the financial bit. it says that court have now issued a application for ancillary relief and goes for hearing in april and now i have to complete a file for the money side . is this normal as whne i saw hearing my first thoughts were god not more courts !! and i didnt understand ancillary ? i will try again today .
Hi shaz
I have to say I agree with Anna, the lady that is drinking so much has her own problems and is not as "happy" as she might claim.
Ancillary relief, this is a strange phrase but all it means is a form to apply to the court for it to make a ruling on the financial side of things, your solicitor will send you a form to fill in, it is quite thick but much of it will not be relevant so don't be put off or daunted......just look through it slowly and calmly and fill in the bits that are relevant to you, the questions are about your wages, and the value of your house and the outstanding mortgage and any savings you have.....it is really a statement of your finances. Your boys' dad will have to fill in the same form and the judge will look at them and decide who gets what. As you have the boys, this is something the judge will take very much into consideration. Your solicitor might suggest a proposal about the finances to put to the boys' dad and if he agrees it then the court will just rubber-stamp it. But most people can't agree and so it goes to court, which can involve several hearings, but they are not like "proper" court hearings, more like meetings in a headmaster's study.
Hope today is better at work and the children can get out at playtime
morning all on this very cold morning least we didnt have much snow here more freezing rain . so looks like schools are open joys just when i planned to do things lol
we had a lovely surprise yesterday , when we split up i had to give away my dog and a lovely couple had him and they send reg texts and pic through the phone of him and he really has got a lovely new home and life as she loves animals and she takes him everywhere and she rides her own horses and he goes with them . chases them lol , well in the post she has had a painting done of him and it was lovely and that got us upset as we miss him but know it was for the best as now he can have a better life and the runs that he needs .
my son as gone to getting upset over silly things at school teacher had a word with me last night , he fall over and his trousers were in a state mud wise and he he had to borrow some and he cried but there is a lad that is upsetting him, the other day he knicked his hat and my son got upset id like him to toughen up but it will happen in his own time he did cry last night saying he is nerous about court and sat on my lap crying he knows we have to go through with it and wants to but is scared like wise i am and i did say that we are both going to be but will get through it together
Aww they sent you a painting of the dog? that was kind.
As for your son, I know we can worry about boys if they don't seem "tough" enough to cope with the rough and tumble around them but the court business is really hanging over his head and he is feeling as if he has to behave like a grown up with regard to the court so his instinct is to want to go back to being younger and with no responsibilities. Just give him lots of love and cuddles (I am sure you are doing this already) and one the case is over things will start to settle down.
How is your uncle doing?
Hope your day goes ok, it is verrrrrrrrry cold
hi louise my uncle is not good he is at hospital tomorrow for a bone marrow scan i think and too see how or what the docs can do for him so worrying there .
im taking my son tomoz to the courts to have a look around and to ask some questions that i shall have . he was and is upset by going to court cause he thinks that he will be taken away from me if he says anything they dont like and he doesnt want to see his dad . i have sat cuddled him by saying that he has to just tell the truth and answer what they ask and he will be ok and he will have someone in the room with him. he as it in his head that he is going to be taken away from me .
well im off to clean im in a spring cleaning mood so im tackling the upstairs today and down tues im mad but i feel like i want to do this got to get a skip too this week as the wood that i took out of the loft is just lying there in the back so i need to get that gone .
Ooh spring cleaning, you are a heroine!
Sorry to hear about your uncle, hope he can get some treatment that will help.
All you can do is to reassure your son, it's hard for you, I know
Hi shaz5
I hope that the visit today went well.
I know it is very upsetting seeing and hearing all that your son is saying and doing at the moment, however I have to say it all sounds really normal and healthy. Of course he is nervous and the poor little lad is worried that you will be taken from him.
I wonder if you can arrange something for the three of you after the day of court? (remind me when that is again) Then he can see that you are planning for life after the time in court.
Happy cleaning shaz5! I hope you find a good spot for your lovely painting. If you are able to take a photo of it, you could always upload it to our Family Quilt for us all to see
Thinking of you shaz, I really am.
Thinking of you shaz, how did the visit go yesterday? hope you did'nt wear yourself out doing the spring clean!!
hello all thankyou for your messages . yesterday went ok and we both cried me alot more than i thought i would . when we first got there we had to sit till a court room was ready for us and my son went and sat under the stairs i did get him out and when we started to look around he was ok . we went around the judges bit and saw there books and where they park etc we saw where he will be and where he will go to give his evidence and he was told that he can bring his ds in and sweets etc and he was ok they were really lovely with us and made us feel at ease. my son as said that he doesnt want to see his dad so we will be going through the back doors next week so we dont see him.
it was not nice but it is a thing we have to do and it is his doing ours ! it looks like we will be there all day on the thursday and me on the friday. but least im more in the know as to where i have to go and what it will be like . i know that his barrister will question me like mad but that is to try to catch me out and now i just want it to be here im ready . and least i know that i can sit with my son till he as to give evidence then he is with the clerk and then it will be me .
he was told that the judge might ask him if he wants him to take off his wig and the barristers will too . we saw a court room and barristers one spoke to him when we went into the lift he asked where you going and the clerk said we going to the judges quarter he went wow even i dont go there you are lucky that helped my son to relax abit more . i cant say how kind they were to us and we felt abit better even though its not going to be nice. my other son went to friends and they took him to the park before the rain . after the court i took my son and brought him a football top as a treat for being brave in court and next week going through it .
well cleaning all done : ) windows have been open all day and washing out on the line now got ironing lol the kids have just come in after playing outside on scooters and playing with a huge cardboard box but they have been happy and that makes me happy too and i carried on doing jobs
Well done shaz5, that sounds brilliant. It seems as though this will have been helpful for your son, especially that clever clerk in the lift!
It is nerve wracking for both of you and no wonder you needed a cry, it is very overwhelming, not the kind of thing you imagine you will ever have to do in your life.
It is good to have looked around, it will give you a little bit of confidence knowing where you have to go. I remember it all very well, my ex didn't have a barrister, he decided to defend himself. It was horrible, but I chose not to look at him, I kept staring at the judge and answering the questions the best way I could and often just repeated my previous answer, rather than get tangled in the web he was trying to weave. Because at the end of the day the facts are the facts and there is little more to say on the matter in this situation.
HOORAY for the cleaning, i bet your house feels fab! Glad the boys have had a day outside, hopefully a nice peaceful evening ahead, are you going to the Valentine's Party?
Hi shaz, thank heavens the date is nearly here and it will soon be done and dusted, as they say. The visit sounded a really good idea and not just for your son! You will also feel a little easier knowing where everything is. When I went to court I did not have to be questioned but I think Anna's tip is brilliant, sometimes you just need to repeat what you have already said. Also, do NOT feel sorry for the boys dad, this is your chance to say what you went through and any "excuses" that may be valid in his eyes are NO EXCUSE.
We are all with you through this time, shaz
I'm so glad they were kind and glad your son feels better about things.
xxxx
hello yes we will be glad when the case is over with just had enough now . the kids want us to move on and i need to forget him after . just wnet food shopping and a lady in there who knew us both said that he came in last friday just as we left and he was with her and her son and she made a point of telling me and things like this im fed up with , why people think that telling me is going to make me sad or feel anything more for him god only knows . to her i did say and your point in telling me is ?
the kids counselling is also drawing to a end next week being the last one . i think my son may say abit more than he wants too when the day of the trial comes as he really hates him and hates that we have got to go through this . im hoping from sat we can but it behind us and move forward just to finish bits of the divroce off then thats it look ahead god knows how but i have to look for the furture .
we have no car as i sold it the other weekend and im looking for another one a smaller one sp for now i have got to walk and when we went to the counselling we walked there as to go by bus we would have too take afew so we walked and it took us over a hr then i was going to get a taxi back but the firm didnt know where it was so we had to walk back and by the time we got in we were really tired . then yest we went swimming and walked today to asda and then we are off swimming later il be glad to go to work for the rest
what i cant get over is that he had the affair and yet he wont do anything about the divorce why is that ? does he think that if it fails withthis other woman i would have him back ? how long can he leave it not answering the soilc ? i would love to know why they go and od things like this rather than try to work or talk about it . i think that is the worst as you end up feeling it is all your doing even though i know it is his doing and fault.
I think you have hit the nail on the head, shaz, he wants to not take responsibility.
As for the woman in the supermarket, well done for saying what you did, People can be very nosey!
If you are wanting a taxi in future, all you have to do is get the postcode of the relevant place, they all have satnavs now.
This time next week it will all be done. Can you plan a treat for you and the boys next Saturday?
Aww shaz... You must have been shattered after all that walking.
One thing that used to happen in the supermarket was how people would tell me that The Git and Gittess had been there shopping.
oh...
Thinking of you.
evening all i have had no internet all day its been down in the area. well the police rang last night had to have pictures done of the kitchen ready for the trial. i suppose to show taht there was nothing in the way of my son. then i had a call on mon night to come for a interview for a cleaning job. was suppose to be today but it is tomorrow at 330 . then i have got the kids in after school club so this way way im sorted . so if i do get the job i will ring up the tax people and then go onto working tax then i should be able to take over paying for the house myself with luck.
it as made me feel better but sad in away too i felt bad that i will not be there collecting my little one like i have been for the older son. but these things have to be done and it was nothing of my doing.
least things seem to be sorting out now i may be reaching the end hopefully just got to get thurs and fri over with .
Youngest is 13, and it is rather funny not being here when they're coming home...
xxx
Hi shaz\ good luck for the interview. I know it is not what you had planned but needs must. Just a couple of days to go now, we are all thinking of you
Good luck for tomorrow, will be thinking of you and your son.
I know I keep saying it, but you are doing a brilliant job.
morning all well the day is here and im ok at the min , my son is quite he has decided that the letter he wrote in counselling he wants it given or read out today . little one before he went to bed fall crying saying he is scared and he was sorry for something he had done xmas . he is all over the place and from next week their life as they knew will change as they go to after school club and me not being there to collect them till later . but this is what i have to do and weekends we will do things to make it up..
i feel bad cause i have yet rang the dole or the tax credits up yet . cps rang and i was on way back form school and i burst into tears so i had to ask if i could ring back when i got in, the court room i went to have a look around is the room where i shall be in today. we have to be there 945. courts open at 10 and im due to take the stand at 1030 . im first and then my son is after me so i shall see him and what he says then im being taken to him . so mon i shall call them and tell of my changes .
i went to sleep well woke at 330 to go and put moblie on charge but then went to sleep again ok . well i best be off got to get ready and sort the little one out for school going to try to have some breakfast . i keep telling myself that he has done this and he took it too court and that is what im going to keep in mind
That's right shaz, that is what he chose by his actions. Stay strong and it will soon be over. You are very much in my thoughts..,.....
thinking of you both today shaz
Shaz, thinking of you so much.
xx
Thinking of you, I really hope everything runs on time and you are not kept waiting around. Big hugs for you both, we are all in there with you 
thanku all for your messages and im glad it is finally over with . it only lasted the one day and today i went for a coffee with some of my work mates . ive been very weepy today , think after all whats as gone on my emotions got to me. i feel very drained and tired and like i need to get away .
well we didnt end up in the courtroom as a deal was worked out before hand . he went for assault which was a lesser charge and he has to pay me £250 and court costs of £380 plus his solic and barristers costs on top . he as a criminial record and that stays with him now and he was told to see the kids he has to go to family court and he as to keep away from me and he has to be careful for a year or he is brought back into court and charged . im glad he did own up for it in away but in some ways he as lied in there too . im glad that my son was spared of going into court .
now i feel alone today as the police are now finished with me and then womens aid they finished too she signed me off after the trial no support at all which i think it was not nice just said it was nice to have finally meet me and hope things from now on go well for me .
to be honest as i have said i do feel weepy and drained but hope i can but this behind and from monday with the new job start a fresh and rebuild us
Hello shaz
Firstly well done for getting through it, you have done fantastically well. How infuirating that your son had to be put through all that when the "deal" could have been done weeks ago. However at least things are now "on record"
I am nor surprised you feel so weepy and drained. In a time of crisis the old adrenalin kicks in and that is what helps us through.When the crisis is over, we are left exhausted and witrh no more adrenalin to help us. Don't expect too much of yourself. I know you are the sort of person who likes to get on with things and be organised but you have been through a major trauma and it will take a while to recover, just as if you had been in a car accident or had a bad illness.
We are here with you as you start your recovery
Loads of hugs shaz. I can only imagine how drained you feel after yesterday, never mind all the build up you've had to deal with.
I can also only guess at how isolated you feel with that rug pulled away.
As Louise says, we're here for you. xxxxxxx
Hi shaz5, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!
I hope you managed to spend the weekend being kind to yourself?? As Louise says, you have needed to keep going for so many months and finally it has come to a conclusion, so now your body will relax and the next few weeks will be odd as you re-adjust to the rest of your life.
If you still feel you need the support from Womens Aid, I think you should ring them and say so and if they have a full case load, ask them where else you could turn to for local support.
Yournew job starts today, how did it go?
morning all many thankyou's for all your messages . i was totally shocked as too how weepy i went and then on sat like a switch i went anger and so i went and did the garden spent thre hours there . i think i was mad for what as happened and the shock that i have the whole of it to cope with , kids the house etc what i wanted was a hug and i had got no one . yes sparklinglime i do feel that the rug has been pulled away and im on my own and thats the bit im scared of in a way .
i have rang the dole and told them taht i have a new job and so i will be doing over 18 hours aweek now just got to phone the tax and tell them that and move to working tax. now im hoping that i can or will be able to take over the house as yet i dont know if he has lost his job , as for his job he needs to have a clean crb and now he wont have . but that is not my doing just why he couldnt have gone for gulity at the beginning and thsi would never have come to it nor would he have had a record , but im not to dwell on the past as on why or how could i have stopped my marriage but to look forward even at times when i still want to curl up and give up. going to the solic friday to get the next stage sorted and to fill her in on the case as i have rang her and it was too much to go into.
see if my ex will bother into applying for family court to get the kids or to try for them as he was told that by the judge that both boys dont wnat to see or have anything to do with him and he said that as he had not seen to the boys or try in over 9 months in a kids life that is a long time and that he hoped that one day he they would try too see him but he would have to go to court for them, and then he did say that going around hitting women was not on and infront of his son was not on . if my ex does anything wrong in the next 12 months he will go to prison for 6months on this charge and then for what ever he as done next .
well i started my new job last night and it went well got to speed up alittle . i have 15 toilet blocks to clean in 2and half hrs so i have to hurry alittle . the kids went to after school club and they seemed to like it we were all tired last night and i slept well . not having a car too is playing on my mind as the walking is alot even though it is good for me it makes it a long day and i ached so much last night . the women seem nice who i work with see how it goes .
thankyou all again for your messages and support it is nice knowing that you are there for me xx
I'm glad it went well and that the women your working with are nice - that helps so much,
Glad you slept welll
xx
Big hug
Hi shaz5, you will go through all the emotions and I am sure the future seems daunting, but from what I can gather from what your posts on the boards is that you will take it all in your stride.
I remember those times when all you want is a hug, some weeks I noticed that I hadn't been touched by another adult at all and it is so important. But you get used to this and when you see your girlfriends it means sooo much! And thankfully we do have our little cherubs 
I am glad that the boys enjoyed after school club, my daughter used to love it, which was a godsend.
I am glad that the other women you are working with are nice, it always helps. Please try and photocopy any applications and record ALL correspondence that you have with Tax Credits, it is really worth it.
I know you are wanting a car, but just see how it goes for a week or so, you might find that as you get used to the walking it won't be so bad. Remember when you first had your son, the thought of waking every few hours sounded harrowing, but you soon get on and do it! I used to walk everywhere, then I got a car, but not only that, I got a tummy bulge too!!
Hey I bet your garden is looking good!?
i did better last night in the job i got round more quickly. got to get used to it so feeling very tired .i dont mind the walking but form school home then to my lunchtime job then home for abit is alot of walking so my feet are sore and weekends is a nightmare as i have to get taxis for the kids things and last weekend it cost me £15 in 3 taxis as i had to do the shopping too . i do miss a car though i will carry on teh walking to school in the mornings as that is nice.
got to phone the tax credits today and the council tax after dropping the kids . see what the post man brings this morning as yest my son recieved a letter from his nan . i did open it as it has been damaged in the post and in the letter she writes that his dad had spared him the trial and that they dont hold anything against my son and dont blame him for anything and that they are looking forward to having him back in their lives and feels that they need a group hug if they need anything or money they are to go to her . well for the kids to see her they need me so why cant she write to me ? why do i still feel that it is all my fault and it is me that they want to hurt ? i know that it is her son and she is going to believe him but why cant people see that it was him who had the affair and it was him that walked away . and i feel so alone i hear what people say that i have come a long way and that im getting stronger but i dont feel it inside .i feel that im just going along that i just live nothing else ! i did think by now i would be over it and him and i could stop thinking of the past i dont seem to cry as much now i suppose i have been through alot it will just take more time
morning all on this very cold morning feel like staying in bed but have to go to hospital for phyiso today . see how the hand is doing i havent been since december as the last appointment i had to cancel and this is it now back into the routine of the hospitals again . hopefully not for long as the hand is the best it will ever be i would like the lump as how it as healed to go but it is whether they would go down that road . but it is alot better now than it was .
playground duty will be fun today as it so cold i had that many layers on yesterday that i could hardly move yet i was cold . even ran with the kids so i would be warm lol