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I'm glad you opened that letter!
I do think it's wrong when things like this don't go through the parent with care...
I'm glad that work was a bit better.
shaz 5. I want you to stop right there. You have come a long way, but actually real life is only just starting now. As we have said previously, you have been on 'Alert mode' dealing with the boys emotions, courts, letters etc etc. Normalcy only just started on Monday and even then you started a new job, so yes you should still be feeling it and no, you shouldn't be over it as now is the first time you can actually reflect in a safe space without any of the other worries.
The letter your son's nan sent is so normal in these situations. I completely agree that it would have made more sense if she had written to you. It sounds as though you would be pretty compliant and it is not something that a young lad should be involved in.
Did you give him the letter, or just tell him what it said? How does he feel about his nan? She is trying to clean up after her son's dirtywork. Would you consider writing to her stating that all correspondence with your son's will go via you?
Your ex's family will make you feel like rubbish, you were supposed to be the one that made him all look alright. This probably won't change, in my situation it hasn't and its a very strange feeling and still one I can't really get my head around. However this is the way it is and so be it. You did the right thing and everyone else can just get lost!
Oh and if you can afford to buy a car - go and do it! Treat yourself, just try and keep walking too!! Are you still going to Zumba?
morning all thankyou for your support . im not doing zumba now cant as the other job stops me as when i finish i would be going to that and the kids . the walking is helping i have decided that friday night if i dont go to gingerbread i will be swimming .
i have not yet told my son about the letter i felt at the min he needs to be a boy and enjoy himself and for get the week and get himself back to being a boy . he has got his stats coming and we will be given a timetable of what he has . i will sit him down and go over what teh letter says and ask him what he woukld like to do with it and if he wants to answer her back . i have never stopped him looking at the letters in the past taht his dad as sent but he has never wanted to read them or wanted them but they have been kept in a box for when he is ready.
i got up early today to put the computer on as it is today i find out what secondary school my son as got but have not heard anything yet and just re read the letter and it is after 3.30 today im more nervous than my son
Good luck with the school allocation, shaz.
I am sure you will know what is best with the letter. Hope work goes Ok today and that you soon hear from the Working Tax people. Don't forget to keep copies of everything as Anna suggests. I have a special folder foir them!
afternoon all my son got his place at the seniors school he wanted to go too , so that as made him very happy . and i have took the slip in to accept it . just done a pile of letters and cards that i needed to get done and posted so we have just got back from a walk to the shops in between the rain showers. now trying to catch up on the washing and get the kids homework done . never ends jobs . got my first week over with and it was very tiring the work is not that bad and time goes quick . i have kept everything that as ever been sent to me , i have 2 folders so just in case .
That is good news 
Well done, shaz, it will get less tiring as time goes on
morning all not a good start to the day today little one is saying his tummy not right so he is off and took himself to bed and went to take the other son to school and 2 of his mates punched him in his back and another pushed him into a girl and a wall he started to cry and was upset think it more being embarrassed than anything but this one kid saw me there and still punched him . my son is still very emtional at the min with everything and i think his hormones have kicked in but i feel sick that he is at school and had this start to the day i have rang up but told to call back at 11 .
also on friday i went to the solic and put in my side of the money and then went to get that sworn in which i was shocked that i had to get that done like that just be glad when it is all over and done with to be honest . then i was told that my ex as put on fb that he had to go gulity for the sake of his sons and how it was not his sons fault and how he loves them . then he put anyone got a shed for him ! how he spared his son but yes he would have spared him had he pleaded gulity at the beginning even with the judge saying he is gulity he still doesnt get it . in fact it was me that spared my son going through the trial as i went with what he said in the plea and a lesser charged please when will it all stop
xxx
Hi shaz , how awful for your boy that these other lads are treating him like that, is this a regular thing? i have seen how teen lads mess about together, pushing and hitting each other my son found this difficult to as he is not that demonstrative or agressive.
My son refused when i said that i would go talk to the school, but it is not a nice feeling when your child comes home with bruises inflicted by another child because they think it is fun to go around hitting others. I secretly spoke to the school and asked what they were doing to address this kind of behaviour, apparently they cover this kind of thing in PSHE, hope all goes well when you call back?
Should not be too much longer know till it is all over
Hello shaz, how are things this morning? Please try and block out the things the boys' dad is doing, let him get on with it, he is just trying to make himself into a victim instead of being grown up enough to take responsibility for things. You, however, are moving forward with things, well done to you.
What did the school say?
morning all the school did tell those two lads off and i think for my son he was more emabarassed than anything really as it was infront of a girl . went to parents evening on tues night and he is doing really well and they are pleased with him as for what as happened he has not allowed his school work to drop . so i am really pleased with him.
working tax credits have started and i was pleased with hit and how quick they have sent me the money . and up to know the ex is still paying for the house so that is one less worry . im looking into getting my room painted and then the hallway just to cheer it up and for me .
i dont know i done seem to woory as much and my ex well he is lying low and you would think he would be fighting for his sons but no and that will go against him and the boys feel that he has not come or tired for them . 19th march my divroce will be done then i have got the money and the kids bit but the divorce will be here so im pleased as i have done that and he as not made me in the gutter lol going out saturday night to a friends birthday drink and i feel im going to have a good time and let my hair down after what i have been through
I'm glad your son's doing well at school shaz.
I'm so relieved WTC have been sorted quickly.
Do have fun on Saturday.
Hi shaz5, it seems there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Always good to hear that our children are doing well in school, it sounds as though your boys are as resilient as you!
Brilliant idea to get your room painted, it will feel so fresh and be completely your own!! 
Have a great Saturday night! I hope you have a fab time, will it just be drinks or will you be out dancing too? Take care though if you have your boys back Sunday morning and make sure you have some movies you can put them in front of whilst you recover! I don't seem to be able to have a drink these days without getting a hangover!
morning all anna no nor me . when i was younger i used to go out get very drunk then the next day work lol i hate the bad heads now christmas was bad enough when i went on the works party, i hadnt had that much i think to drink just tipsy but the next day i felt it . there may be dancing but going to be lots of laughing for sure. the kidsw have my neighbours daughter looking after them and they like her and are used to her they have the films all set and the sweets sorted and when she comes its bye mom , which is nice as then i know that they are ok and having fun too.
yes i feel that there is light and that there is a end just the divorce to do lol well that will be here on the 19th . have got to get the money side sorted and the kids but he is is still not replying to anything my solic sends him so let him carry on he will lose in the end ! when the divorce comes through some of my friends want to take me roller blading disco one me i wanted to go to the pub where there is a disco but no thye want this i think im going to have lots of goings out to let go abit after what we have been through . i know im taking my neighbours too have a curry for being there for me . just feel like i want to let my hair down abit,
my son is off to his very first aston villa football match with one of the moms from his school , good job her son and my son get on . she as done this for a treat for what he as been through . through the school where she works it as only cost her a £1.00 to take him which is fab so i have some time with little one playing games and dvd then out on the night .
Great experience for son shaz to be going to his first football match, i remember taking mine they were really embarrassed as i got into the chanting etc (no bad language i have to add).
Sounds like your going to be really busy having a social life, which you deserve after the time you have had recently, hope you enjoy the film and your night out
I do hope he has a great time.
Youngest has been to a few as he went with the football club when he played. He loved them!
morning all what a weekend . my son had a fab time at the football and i had a really good drunk time out saturday night . way drank too much but had fun and spent sunday dying really . i know i sent 26 texts to my neighbour telling them how much i loved them as i know she made me read them sunday morning lol my friend in cambridge thought it was funny when i started telling them how i loved them and their guniea pigs lol it wa what the doc would have ordered to go out and enjoy and i did .i lost count after the 3rd bottle of wine .
then last night i had a huge shock as for some years i have not been intouch with my mom or stepdad and they showed up wanting to offer help and support and wanting to know what had been going on and things i was shock and went to bed crying . in way we had our troubles but it was time to say burry them and move ahead . yes in away she is right and if she tried to be too controlling then i could tell her this time as im more in control of my life and as for the kids the support will be there . god how things turn out and about i cant get head round it at the min when i think im done with one shock i get more . they had bumped into my ex mother in law and she had not told her of us and that was 3 weeks ago . wow i think i should take it as it comes and each day as it comes .
got a car too a little fiesta and that should be here mid week .so im pleased there and i need today to catch up on jobs that i had not got done yesterday lol
I do hope things work out with your Mom and Step Dad. It would be good for all of you if it does.
Enjoy the Fiesta. I had my Mum's Fiesta after she died - ex sold it!! It was a lovely car.
I hope the week goes well Shaz.
men always have this way of putting us down, but u should remeber its not u that did wrong or hurt the kids....u be happy u have ur kids...my x always use to put me down n call me ugly n fat n i use to cry so much. one day my son goes to me mom ur the best mom ever n ur so pretty n then thats when i realized it doesnt matter what anyone thinks of me as long as my kids love me n r happy...i hvae noe learnt to love myself again and if ur happy within u will feel happy.be happy dont let him get to u...im sure ur a lovely person
Hi shaz5, Satuday night sounded like a lot of fun! I am glad that you text your neighbours and friends loving messages and NOT anyone else!
Life can be so bizarre can't it, you are right you never know what is around the corner. It is brilliant that you feel your mum and stepdad can offer you and the boys some support right now AND that you feel in control of it, if it were to get out of hand.
Congrats on your new car...eek! My car has broken and I have been having a nightmare with it. The other day I was thinking how I was saying to you hold off getting a car (was I mad??!) I hope you really enjoy it
Hi sali - Welcome to One Space, thank goodness for our children eh?! I know there have been times when all seemed lost, but then my little girl would say something sweet and it would melt me. She was the one that gave me courage to leave a bad relationship and I'm sure I am not alone with that statement!
How old are your children sali?
morning all well im off tothe hospital for hopefully the final one and they will sign me off for my hand . there is nothing now that can be done and i have to live with it and the cold weather will make it worse and the damp . i have been planning afew blasts out for the next few weeks lol starting next friday as my divorce will be through and i need to let my hair down to get it out what i have been through .then my mates want me to go roller bladding lol i cant ride a bike nor ice skate so how i will do this well it will be fun then the week after my very dear neighbours are going out for a curry as they have been my rock and the kids are coming too and they are looking forward to it as they want to sit with there granddaughter then i shall be have then lol
going to go over to my moms this weekend with this im taking it slowly as we have not been intouch for years and my sister will come over yes i do feel stronger to deal with it
hopefully the car shall be here today or tomorrow ::)) a red fiesta buses and taxis are ok but car is better and i have said when it is dry i shall still walk .
welcome sali to this site and for your posting yes after what has happened to us all we have to learn to love ourselves again and having kids gives us the strength to do that and they are innocent in this and yet they can say or do things that show us that they love us and that is all we need x
Hi shaz
Good luck with your appointment today.
Yes, you are right to take things slowly with your mum but hopefully bridges can be built, and it would be lovely for you and the boys to have some family support again and for them to have an involvved grandma, especially after the hot-and cold-way their other grandma has behaved.
It will be excellent to get the car. You are very brave to go roller-blading and enjoy your nights out (although I hope you don't feel quite so poorly afterwards this time!)
I do hope it goes well today.
I've seen my daughter on roller-blades (she still gets them out every now and then) - you would never have seen me on them! I used to love roller skating though.
I do hope that the weekend goes well.
Hi shaz5, its great that you have some things lined up for the next few weekends!
Have you completed your Evaluation of this site yet? It only takes a minute of two, but your input would be valuable and you could win £80!! Yay!
Good luck at the hospital I bet you will be glad to see the back of it. It will be another closure for you.
morning well the weekend was different went to my moms and it was hard going after so long it is going to take time and i truely dont trust her as if she will fall back into her old ways which when at times she as made slips into that so i will be taking it slowly and at my pace and she certainly doesnt like the new me as she as told me but im being me free and enjoying myself after so long the kids are happy and are fed and loved and they pleased with us and how we are doing etc .
well today is the day my divorce is granted at 10.15 just read the letter from the solic again , not sure what to feel sad or happy or both !! i think sad after being so long together happy as it is yet another closure . still he as not got himself a solic for the next part of the divorce and that will be hearing soon too at the end of this month think he is trying to burry the head thinking it is going to go all away sorry its not . well have a nice day all
At least you are aware of how your Mother's behaving Shaz, and slowly is the best way. Really, you only need to be as close to her as you chose to be...
The day I got emotional was the anniversary before I got divorced as then I knew it was going to be the last. I was on a beach, on my own sitting in the sandhills watching the sea.
Good morning shaz5, a momentous day for you, no doubt you will go through a flurry of emotions. Grieving what could have been and joyous at your new found freedom and independance.
Your mother has already told you that she doesn't like the new you? That must have been painful. I guess you know her and her traits, but that can still hurt. But it sounds as though you know that things can only get better. You have been through such an ordeal and dealt with it extremely well, so I beg to differ, from what I can gather from talking with you on the boards, you have blossomed and made your family safe and secure and happiness is ensuing!
Now what were you going to do, to mark this end of an era, was it a curry out with the neighbours tonight?
morning all no curry is on the 7th looking forward to that . friday is drinks out with friends though i have been asked to go to a concert a group from the 70s and now im not sure what to do lol trust me ! thankyou for all your comments and yes i feel that from the start i have come a long way and i see things different and clearer . way back then when people were saying that you will get through this i got to be honest i never thought i would get here and i like the new me and where i am now enjoying life and having a huge smile helps alot . something i have not had on my face for awhile .
yes it hurts with my mom that she has not learnt her lesson and now i see her as that is her way and she is not going to change . for some strange way she is a jealous person and that is her and i wont let her get to me as i am stronger to deal with what she says and i let it roll off me now and wont take it to heart like i did before .
well at work today i have got to dress up as a pirate that should be fun
enjoy your dress up day shaz
glad you are feeling a bit better - its a great feeling to see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel - I too have started seeing the light!
A pirate, that sounds fun!
Shaz, we liked the old you and we like the new you, too. We have all been rooting for you through this long and painful process and Ok, it is not totally over yet but most of it is behind you. Maybe with your mum, it will help to see her as a person rather than a mum. You know we all want to be such good mums ourselves and we know how much we love our children and it is disappointing and hurtful if we do not see that same thing coming back to us from our own parents. But see them as a person with their own problems and maybe we can give them a bit more elbow room.
Your celebrations all sound fab!! Would you have to dress in 70s gear for the concert?
morning all went out friday got my divorce balloons done in arrangements lol had fun but in away wished i had gone to the concert with other friends , as some kept on asking why was i not upset over the divorce and things that i didnt want to talk about etc yesterday was lovely we went to my aunts and cousins and had a fab day in the garden and seeing the kids play was lovely . but i have switched on my sons phone to charge it and his dad as texted twice asking how they are and then asking can he come to the house to play football with them !!! what part of you have to go to family court to see the boys does he not get ?? and cant come by me ? well i know for sure he is not going to spoil my day or weekend looks like i shall be calling the solic tomoz and may be the police . any way it is too much for my son after so long it would have to be done slowly in seeing them not like this . im not going to get mad but i feel like im going to explode so i shall take it out on the ironing and garden
I'm glad you're enjoying the sunshine.
Do get a new sim-card for your son if he can't cope with it though...
Good idea, sparkling
Well done on getting through the latest stage,shaz, it really is a journey.Funnily enough when I was recluttering my de-cluttered bedroom yesterday I found a piece I had written just over a year after I separated from my boys' dad, contrasting my life then with what it had been before.I wonder if this is something you would find helpful?
morning all well i ache so badly but it is my doing ive started to go jogging and have been twice and boy can i feel it and swimming fridays with the kids lol at my age why would i want to try things or do things like jogging that i used to do :0
i have had a good week work as been hectic kids not being good in my class but they are breaking up so have gone bad but at least the weather as been fab . i have rang the solic monday and she wasnt happy with the texts nor with the fact that he as now got himself a family solic after 10 months but they or he wont answer anything !!
i dont know before things like this would have sent me into a panic but since crown court it is like what ever it will come out in the wash let the solic fight . im not saying that im still not worried but i dont allow it to run my life now i see things different and i like this new way
The new way sounds good!!
Hey why shouldn't you go jogging and and swimming? I love swimming and I am a lot older than you so don't hold back
Do you break up on Friday for two weeks?
You're doing well with the exercise shaz
morning all what a lovely day today off for a easter egg hunt in a bit with teh boys to the park then to lovely friends for a bq and easter fun . so looking forward to that with some lovely people .
friday night took the boys swimming was there for over 3 hours lol and yesterday was doing the skip and helping my neighbours then my mother came well it wasnt a good visit telling me that i have too much of a social life and that i was not good in framing the divorce and then i may be hurting theboys i dont think so so i got abit mad , she is not liking the new me at all and that im not there crumbling asking for help not going down that road again at all im me and the new me is nice and im having fun and enjoying life like i should have done all these years
...well good for you! it sounds as if you are doing some fab things. Just be careful with your mum that she does not undermine all th good you have done over these past months, keep an eye on your own well-being 
Did you find any eggs?
xxx
Family and friends do find it hard when we move forward and take control of our lives. They are not used to the new 'you' and will try and sabotage it, so that your relationship can get back to how it was, within their understanding.
It sounds like you really like the new 'you' and are taking advantage of your new role in life. I love reading your posts
morning all what a nice day seems to be from the other day when we had snow thankfully it didnt stick . my son as been at school for sats revision and he as enjoyed it . i have been intouch with my solic to stop my ex from texting my son till i could get him another phone as he wanted to go with his friends i needed to know how he was etc so i thought he be ok to take his phone but oh no there were several textes on the first day off his dad saying how he wanted to see them and he could come to the house and see them take them out . my son did say he wanted to be left alone but he kept on and saying that it was me that was stopping them and he repiled that it was him that doesnt want to see him not mommy so i went and rang my solic and she was not best pleased so she will be phoning again and we got him another phone so yest we have sent the other back to him and we await the outcome !! i know he will not be best pleased i know that for sure .
i just know my son is happier now but he is worried that his dad may come how sad that he should feel like this
Yes but you have done the right thing in getting a new phone.
Hope you and the boys will have a nice Easter and lots of eggs
You have...
Have a good Easter weekend. xx
Hi shaz 5, I hope you and the boys are having a happy easter.
Well done for dealing with the phone issue, it is amazing to see how it affects our children when we take control and stop contact isn't it, it is almost instantaneous relief for them and they can then move forward and carry on with their lives.
afternoon all hope you all have had a lovely easter and not all choc out lol. i have had a fab easter really sat went for a lovely meal with some fab mates and the kids had a good time and it was my way of saying thankyou to them for their help and support . the kids have had loads of eggs and now are just playing happliy the weather is too bad to do anything . tomorrow after work im going swimming il be looking like a fish soon lol
we didint hear anything form my ex nor his family not even a card for the boys which as upset me but then was i really hoping for anything ? i have just looked into doing my skydive sent off for info just got to wait now and then get people who want to do it with me and then book it im mad but im sure i want to do one now enjoy the rest of the day
wow, a skydive. My nephew did this, absolutely loved it, and wants to do one by himself!!
Glad you've had a good Easter. I wouldn't worry about thinking of no cards or anything for the boys. Sounds like they've had a fantastic time, with lots of choc too.
I'm glad you had a good Easter too.
Good luck with the sky diving!
shaz5 you are really moving forward with things now and the sky dive sounds very exciting. I have a friend who has just done one, and said it was absolutely fantastic.
Hi shaz
I know that people keep telling you how fab you are doing (because you are!) but you don't feel it.....but shaz you have been through the wringer. You will feel like you are "going through the motions" of life for a while, as your emotions catch up with your situation. I promise that what you are feeling is totally normal.
That was an excellent thing to do, to work off some of your anger in the garden. As for your ex mother in law, you have a few choices...you can ignore her, you can write to her saying if she wants to see the boys she has to go through you or you can get in contact to arrange a meeting, Your post struck a chord with me: my ex inlaws thought I was lying about my boys' dad's behaviour (they finally accepted that I had been telling the truth several years down the line) but in the meantme the boys got expensive books and toys and I struggled to pay the electricity bill....but it was the injustice of it all that made me angry and I guess that is where you are at right now.
We are all with you, and THIS rug is not being pulled from under you.