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morning all no densit yest they called to say he was not well . that was ok as i went to doc and they had done my hrt the wrong doseage so got it sorted went to asda and brought afew little things for xmas . just for afew friends i got to get wine then im done for friends got to get afew things for the kids . i have began writing cards out last nite , my little one wrote out his teacher cards so that was nice sitting together doing that.
i was not going to but special cards this year but my one friend moaned at me as i was not buying a friend card its the thought likewise so is the present . so i have got a shop by me that you can buy 2 cards for a £1 so i have done them . our friends have asked to go there so all being well and the hand is ok im off there . be different but then if we stayed at home it was going to be different i will make it as good as i can for the boys and i ahve got us tickets to go to see a panto in between xmas and the new year so looking forward to that . shall have a bite to eat in town and get a taxi back make it a big thing for them .
my friend as told me that there is going to be a downton abbey xmas special and i have heard that they are planning on a third series so thrilled with that if they are . last night i got in to watching the jury till i fell asleep the i woke at 1 not good but i was more tired than i thought. i must try more to listen to myself and rest more .
today i have been roped into helping and sorting out things for kids xmas party at my little ones school . if not there wont be one .
welll ihope everyone is well looks dull and damp here and cold today . i was going to go back to zumba tonite but the neighbour i go with as parents evening so i dont think she will make it and i dont feel like i can go on my own il see easy to stay in when its the dark nites
Hi shaz5 what an emotional time you have been having, but still you stride forward admirably!
You are very good at getting everything sorted out.
The counselling will be an emotional time and I hope that on the days that it happens, you set yourself a little treat for when the boys go to bed. It must be harrowing to see them so upset, but it is excellent that they have the opportunity to work through their emotions. I think what is hard is that they don't have the full capacity to know their thoughts and emotions, so find it very difficult to find the right words.
I heard that there is going to be a Xmas Absolutely Fabulous! I lurve that programme! 
Oh shaz, I think you are doing so well with everything...and you have even managed to start your Xmas cards...well done..I have bought some but that's as far as I've got...
The Panto sounds like it will be great too, something to look forward too for you all...
I'm still in the middle of watching the first series of Downton, but it's something I can catch up on..( I like having catch up TV as it gives me some comfort, and you can forget about things for while)..
Hugs (())
morning all hope everyone is well . yest was a nice day helping out at my sons school with the xmas party . though i didnt think i was going to help out with it all lol i wrapped presents and today im out buying choc etc and im there next week wrapping again and decorating the ghotto well it is nice and it gets me out of the house .
today im off to havea look around the shops and later tonight i have parents evening for the little one , next week my eldest one as parents day where they have the whole day off so i got to find someone to have him while i go to work . last night my youngest had his friend round as i was helping his parents out he had tea with us and by the time he went me and my eldest were woren out as he never stopped talking lol
well the next 2 days im at the hospital and tomoz im seeing the doc again so hopefully he will tell me what he intends on doing as i know i cant carry on with it and its been 5 months now and the swelling as not gone down which as something as simple as this and it as not healed well it as but not right .
well it looks like it going to be dry today so we are off to a walk to school but it will be followed by moans and groans by the little one lol why do we why have we got to walk when there is a car etc
Oh your hand sounds sore shaz..I hope the hospital goes ok..
At least as you say the Xmas party is keeping you busy..and yes, anything to get you out and about...
Hope parents' evening goes well for you too..
Hugs
hospital today then physio tomoz . had parents evening for the little one last nite not as good as i hoped . just wished they had said something to me sooner . as it got anything to do with what as happened or is he just being a lazy boy they said that when it comes to work he wants to go to the toilet all the time or he is too tired ! when it comes to helping he wants to be there and can find things for the teacher when she is as lost them he knows she said he is her 2nd eyes . i have had a chat with him and he did say he ok at school happy just doesnt like work and he is missing dad but doesnt know whether he wants to see him he is confused too much going on with us to settle yet . they both hate me going to the hospital yet they understand i have to go to get the hand sorted .
not nice outside today here dull damp and raining , elder one as got a school trip today to a war museum shame as it is raining too . the group that went yest said it was great so he is looking forward to it just a shame it is rainning . then it is the made rush on a thurs with beavers and cubs .
im so tired when i wake im feel like i have not been to sleep. though last nite was a horrible i kept waking up afew times . i walked the kids to school then walked around the shops then walked to work and back then back to get the kids it did me good and have done this before my feet ached and back did too so i ended up rubbing cream on my bk then the police helico was out for ages then just couldnt settle each time i laid my head things were coming up and id wake scary in away .
least when i went shopping i got the chocs for the kids party i had to hide them from my 2 lol
why is it when your partner leaves and something happens to them why do people feeling like they have to tell you and then say are you going to find out how he is !!!! then they are shocked to my response NO !
my ex was on the motorway yest and he had a blow out , he as taken pictures on the car and tyre and placed them on fb . i have blocked him and dont want to know what he as done yet they feel like they have to tell me then say it does look in a mess .
when i say soory i dont really care they say well i suppose . dah look what he has done to us more so the kids
sorry rant over yet again
There is no way you can be expected to take an interest in his activities these days, you have enough on your plate with you and the boys.
It's hard to say about what is causing your youngest's behaviour, but all I can assure you of is that as he becomes more secure, ie after the passage of time and some more counselling then it will probably improve. However, do not take too much responsibility for what happens at school, that is what the teachers get paid for!!! As long as you help him with his reading book at home and play some number type games (ask Hazeleyes about this, she has some brilliant ones and see here )then he will be fine.
My eldest was eight when I split up from his dad and although he is an academic child he had a really bad couple of terms. I could not believe that the teacher was not making alowances for the home situation!!!!! in fact I was furious 
...but he is at Universty now so it all worked out ok
Oh shaz, BIG hugs for you.....Louise is right, I'm sure he will settle down, and it is up to the teachers...but I know how you must worry...
I also know about what you mean with the FB thing...my friends mean well too, but tell me what he looks like or what phot's they've seen....Oh well...
We will get past this...it just takes what seems like so much time...
morning all not been very good time here . last night my eldest son came out of school and couldnt stop hugging me which at school in front of his mates was not a normal thing he would do , cant even get him to give me a kiss . then a teacher came up to me and said we had a afew tears over football. i asked him why he said they didnt pass the ball . i have tried to see if there is anything else but he wont talk i have explained taht he as to stop crying like that as when he goes to seniors they will take the mick out of him . he didnt eat his tea then lay on the seette till we went to gingerbread ..
wednesday we have parents day for him at his school. they dont do parents eveing its in the day so i have had to find another mom to look after him while i go to work, it as been a nightmare and im dreading going just to hear if there is any problems there il go under. i would like to think that if i could explain the kids feelings to my ex i would get help but i know im kidding myself . as when he did come and i said anything it was all in my head and i know that he would say that this is all my doing and my fault. and like my neighbour said to me that if he cared why as he not tired to see the kids through his solic.
this is what hurts as i always thought he was a family man in that way he would be there for the kids no matter what . like when he was last at court he lost it as he couldnt see our one son but he can the other he as not tried . the next day he went to a party it hurts as he seems to have forgotten us and our 17yrs together .
going to the hospital the way i am is not helping me more xrays and now i got to wait for some tests on the nerves i go back in dec to see the findings and hopefully he will make his mind up as to what he is going to do with it.
my solic as wrote to me and told me that the divorce papers have been issued and as yet he as not replied and he as to the 28 of this month then she will do what she as too on that . this hurts as i never wanted to be divorced like my parents , and i know he will take his time with the divorce as he did warn me taht he didnt want one just taht i knew i couldnt move on till i got this sorted and in away it is me taking control of my life and telling him im doing this we are over . i cant say that i dont still have feelings as we were together along time and have 2 kids but cant look back and the trust as gone the lies are there even if he wont be honest as to what went wrong as really he as never told me the whole truth as said this and that and its me which i know is not right as he went off and had the affair and he told the lies and he hit me .
i feel that im going under some days and i like to disappear but see the kids faces i know i cant give up hope that one day there will be light and happiness. loneiness hurts and im not good at going out to meet new people or where to look its making that first move
i know that with us we have alot going on and alot to deal with so it will take time just wish i knew how long it will take ? would like a miracle really i suppose a ball to look into the furture to see if i will be happy again....
well i got to go swimming lessons starting earlier now as my little one as moved groups later we are going to friends for tea and i suppose with xmas approaching emotions will run higher as this is the first one
Hi shaz. Sorry to hear you're having some bad days. Louise is right regarding the school, it is their responsibility. You should also I think, been told about your youngest son. Is it that he can't do the work, or is it simply that he doesn't want to do it? C and I have always played games on our way to school, (still do and he's 9). It started off with I spy, then number games, looking at door numbers, odd or even, and guess what the next number would be etc etc. He also loves going on websites, the fun stuff you know, but a fantastic help with the education. It's all about making learning fun at this stage, because as you know, once secondary school is upon us, then the trouble begins, hehe. I'll get you some links to the fun games, I'm sure your youngest and the older one will love them. As for the eldest crying. He is understandably very emotional right now, so I do think it's ok for him to cry. He's letting out his emotions, whether it's at school or at home. Obviously you don't want him to be in a position where he might be made fun of, but in time, he'll be fine. The hospital thing upsetting them, do they need to know that you're going to the appointments if they're at school, or do you go after school time? You're all on a rollercoaster right now, but it won't always be like this. You're doing a fantastic job with the boys, as well as having to deal with your own emotions, work, and hospital appointments etc. You should be proud of yourself. Don't worry about son's open day next week, I'm sure it'll be fine. Will look for those links in a bit. xx
Hi shaz5
I can't add much to Hazeleyes' excellent post 
except to reinforce what she said about your son's crying. It is ten months till he starts at senior school and whilst I totally agree with you that children can be cruel in their taunts, it is so important that he cries right now, to release all the pent up emotions. He wasnt crying about the football, that was just the trigger....I know it is worrying and distressing when they cry but think of tears as HEALING and you won't feel so bad 
morning thankyou for all the posts . i have not had time to look at the links yet as they both have had so much homework again. saturday my eldest won his gold medal at swimming . he had to do 40 lengths in 30mins he was a little red faced lol but i was so proud . then we went to asda to redeem our £5 vouchers that ended up in us being there for over a hour ! i let them print it out saves my ink .
then we came home i set about ironing and homework we then watched stop or my mom will shoot film , well i have seen it loads of times before and the kids well they laughed so much as they had never seen it before it was lovely to see them like it . then we went to a friend for tea which was nice . yest i got afew jobs done but i mainly rested as i think i have worn myself out abit i need to take time for the jobs as they will be there if i take time out for me they will get done no rush . sorted presents out ready to wrap so i will begin them . cant believe that in 2 weeks it will be dec and we always put the tree up then . if i can cope xmas then i know i will become stronger xx
i have had a chat with the boys saying that it is ok to cry , laugh etc and if they need to chat to me then i will always be there no matter how i feel they can talk and yes it is best to let it out . the little one had a cry he does missing his dad but is scared of seeing him the other one begs me never to let him see him . for now you dont lets see how you feel later i say and leave it as that.i dont want to say to him that he nevr as to see him then he does as then i have lied and i promised i would be truthful.
i think friday before school he was being alittle moody and snappy and not doing as he was told and i think then the football did trigger something off i must say afetr our chat this morning he seems alot better. after school we are going to see the school counsellor see what he as to offer though he did say he wouldnt do counselling as they already go but wants to see them to see if he can offer anything else hopefully that will be good anything at the min that would help us all to get to the stage where we are ok is a bonus .
never thought breakups could be this hard . think it is worse if you dont know what went wrong , think if you did then you know where not to make the pitfalls againbut for me my ex he wants to be selfish and it is him who as the problems and he as to open up as he is wearing the mask.
for me and the kids we will heal and we will be happy again wont say that i wont have down days and im not saying it wont be easy but i have them and he cant regain what he as missed .and for all the lies he as told and to hit me in front of our son and then to say he didnt well it says alot .
least i have a break from the hospital this week but i do have the densit as he was sick last week . got a friend coming this morning for a coffee before i go to work
Well done shaz5, yes well no-one said it would be easy and it isn't. We are all different and in different circumstances but looking back on my own experiences, I can say that I felt a tremendous amount better by about 9 months after the split. That does not mean I felt terrible for the whole 9 months, I gradually got better (yes with low days like you say) but really feeling RIGHT that's it, my new life by that stage....and as you say Christmas is a big thing, you are doing marvellously
well yesterday went ok . went to the place after school and he doesnt want to put the kids through anymore counselling as yet but he did say he could put us in touch with someone else after this one is finished with if they need it but it is time and they have to work it out for themselves in their own heads . he does agree that the elder one as alot of anger and that as to be worked out . he is trying to sort out a place where we can go and meet families that have been through things like what we have so he as other kids to talk too that as been through what he saw . now whether these groups are there i odnt know i hope so as it would be nice for him too see kids can get through this and it is not always to be like this. he is going to offer me some other sort of counselling nearer to home and one where i dont have to pay which will help the purse alittle, plus i dont feel like i have gotten anywhere with the counselling i have had .whats blocking my head in getting the message that this is not my fault and that im not stupid thick or ugly ! i tell myself these things are not rite but wont sink in .
well i had a call from the police yest my ex wants access to the house to get afew things that he needs . but being on bail he as to go through the police and they have to be here . but the only thing i think he wants is his work things . i have to be here to open the house but then i can go to a neighbours but i feel like i dont want him here till the divorce is over .he as to let them know what it is he wants if i knew then i would get it ready to put on the drive . im not sure if he should have gone through my divorce solic ? his defence solic was the one who applied to the courts for him to get his things as for when that will be i dont know . should i let him as the police have called or should i go and let my divorce lawyer know not sure what to do ?
yes it would be nice to know that he as finally got rid of his stuff but i have had a good sort out and thrown lot away whoops are well not important things but he will have a shock as the loft is empty lol
well off to wrap xmas present for my sons xmas fair only 90 to wrap today joys and other things
Hi shaz5, I would talk to your solicitor and see what they say. If you know what it is that he wants, then you could prepare it for him and leave it in the drive or doorway.
I agree with you, I wouldn't want to see him. Is there anyone else that could be there and open the door? At a time when you are in work and the boys are in school, so they don't need to even know about it?
morning all hope everyone is well im not sure how i am today mixed feelings i suppose .my eldest son school yest had parents day which bascially is parents evening but in the day. my time was 230 after i finished work . now where i work i cant take him with me the head wont allow it so i took him to afriend whos daughter is in the same school and year and he stayed with them and they took him to school where i meet him . now that was all ok he was happy till we went inside the classroom and on the paper i saw that his dad had been at 1.10 .
now my son had seen that too and as upset him but when i asked the teachers they told me yes he had been but when i said are you aware of what is going on they said that they were aware of something not all . i told them he is on bail and is not to speak, write, text or be anywhere near my son , they said no they didnt know that and they said i should go to the head which they took me too but she was in a meeting so i ended up with the deputy and i went mad as i have been in and told them about things . she as told me that she will get back to me this morning as to how he knew and when did he book it and why he came in when i told them !!
i got out rang the police they told me to get intouch with the courts and the courts have told me to get to ring the police again to double check his bail again . i didnt ring last night as i had their counselling and my head was not good and today my tummy is all over the place through nerves . this house is the main worry to me i know i have to do what i have to do with my ex and see it through but least he pays the house but it is a huge worry as he is not doing himself any favours behaving like he as plus it is upsetting the kids .
my friend appointment was a 2 but she went in early so in theory he could have seen his dad and now she feels bad in doing that and cried on me last night . no her fault she did me a favour in looking after him but what id he had been there and i could protect my son the fear of that as made me sick i really dont know wher to turn to this morning friends say dont worry but not good .
and to top the lot i spoke to the teacher but didnt go and see his work after so im upset nowi may ask the deputy to see if i can go in and have a look .
what gets me is that he is not tried to speak or see the other son who he can though i wouldnt let him go on his own as that would be upsetting for himand this hurts as then he only wants the one who saw it happen i feel and so do the police .
they say it will all come out in the wash like my nan used to say but god please let me off the express train to breath . and with all this i have to try to stay calm for the kids and keep the house going and then work which helps me at the min
He has a right to contact the school and know about the boys' progress but yes, the school needs to make sure that they respect the bail order and that his path will not cross theirs, if that is what the court has ordered. Do you have anything in writing that you could photocopy for the school?
hi louise i have nothing of his bail only to what i have been told by the police. im not saying he cant go to the school i just would have liked to have been told that he was going there just in case our son was there luckly he missed him, and that would have put my friend in aposition. its funny that before when we first split he didnt go or offer to go to the school to inform them of what as happened . nor as he gone to see our youngest school work only the eldest. this is all too much him wanting to go now when there is the court case due. then he goes out and plasters it on fb how he is a proud daddy he forgets that he as not provided anything for them since he left other than paying for the house . not even sent his birthday presents or pocket money . he is allowed to have our yougest son, he can call him write to him but as not tried not since the last court date and that hurts alot .
im not saying that he never to see them or not to have anything to do with them but please let the case go through and let the dust settle and then we go through the right channels for him to see them . as it as been 6months since they saw him it is too much to pile on them .
the kids did their counselling wed and she as said that the eldest son as got to open up on what it is he is hating his dad . so next week she plans to do a one on one with him. she as sais that if he wants to he can bring in things for the it that remind him of his dad . i said that would be nice i would help he said no end of . i wont push it but even i am worried as to why he wont open up. we did sit down and try to talk and i said that not letting go and opening up is not nice and we wont be able to move on and be happy as this would hold us back . it is good to let the anger out it is good to cry you have seen me do that alot. he knows but just keeps on telling me that he doesnt want to see him i have just said that is a strong statement to make and dont rush into it with out thinking . lets do steps at a time and see how you feel after it all done .what else can i say he is 10 but in what he saying he is older in many ways .
break ups are never going to be easy and some are worse than what i have been through but it as to come to a end and slowly there is laughter coming back with us and we have become stronger and close .
well here i have gone on again today i got one son in non uniform and the other as too as we had a text mon to say they have to be in uniform sad . there was a teacher who did pudsey badges and sold them at the school , only what she printed off and that as bene stopped too. i have got to go to work in pjs with layers on under as it will be cold on that playground :0 i hope that this posts now as it is a couple of times i have tired now here goes
Oh dear, in Pjs in the playground brrrrrrh.
Your poor lad, holding it all inside. He must be worried about letting it all out for a reason, either he worries about upsetting you or he is feeling disloyal to his dad or even he can pretend it is not real if he doesn't say it. You are doing so well, just be patient and keep him safe and as little pressure as you can manage
Shaz, what a difficult time you're having.
I remember the days of wrapping stuff up for the school Christmas fair's - I used to go and buy the stuff too... When I left they decided it was easier 'just' getting selection boxes...
Really hope you're ok.
morning im ok head is all over the place and for some reason i feel like i want to run away and hide, i dont feel safe now with the kids being in school . its funny that since i asked why was i not told that my ex was coming to the school so i could keep our son away the head as not answered me or been in the playground.
i know that running away i would just take the problems with me and it is best to stay where i am and see it through yes it is hard yes i feel like at times im drowning but things cant stay like this for ever and that is what is keeping me going and the kids .
i went to counselling yest and she had to stop me and we did deep breathes and i had a good cry but i was at the end saying that it was not my fault he did this to us he choose this and it was him who didnt want to talk . im not saying that im not to blame but when you dont know that they are feeling like that how can you help or try and make it better. i had not done that before i may write it down that it is his doing but i have never felt it or said it .
louise i think with my son its is the fear of upsetting me and if he blanks it then its is way of saying its over and it never happened who knows he as said that he doesnt want to upset me but now i have said im here for him when he is ready and always will be.
pj day was fun i made sure i was wrapped up the amount of kids that just wanted to run about in pj no in my class if they had dressing growns they were on or coats .
well today i think i may go round the shops little one as yet 2 more birthday parties to go too stop being mister popular . he came home yest and said he is santa in the play bless but now he has to learn his lines and he donty want to be him anymore wnats a no speaking part lol
well best being off swimming lessons to take the kids too sit there cooking for a hour have fun all
Wow shaz5 I think you made a massive breakthrough yesterday . All the time we have been chatting on here you have always tried to look at things from different points of view, you have worried about your boys' dad and blamed yourself. It feels very empowering that you were able to say with the counsellor "HE chose this, HE did this".......The idea of writing things down is a great one. Another technique that can be helpful is designing a key phrase that feels right for you (along the lines of "I am not to blame. I am moving forward with my life in a positive way") and say it calmly to yourself many times a day. Say it to yourself in the mirror too.
The PJs, well shaz5 you will think me a bit slow on the uptake but I thought you meant that it was so cold that you were going to wear your PJs UNDER your normal clothes as if they were thermals...whereas of course it was Children in Need day and everyone was dressed up 
Hope you have a good weekend!
Hi Shaz
I often wanted to run away - and have been through nothing compared to you! The thought keeps coming back again at the moment!
Glad you enjoyed the pj day!
Have a lovely weekend.
xxx
This comment has been moved here.
Hi Shaz, just read through your posts, sorry I haven't been here...but just to say how amazingly well I think you're doing...you are getting your Divorce sorted( I can't even contemplate this yet), and looking after your lovely boys....
I know what you mean though about just wanting to have some breathing space, but I also agree with Louise too...it IS him,HE chose this way, and it's NOT your fault why this happened to you...
BIG hugs for you xx
Rose 35,what is it you want help with? How to start threads here, information concerning your break up?
morning all not a nice morning out dull and foggy here . kids are off to karate soon so i will be having 2hours of peace and il get the ironing done great lol then off to take little one off to aparty . lovely day yest shopping brought little stocking fillers for the kids . was in a toy shop and the till next to me a couple were putting through the 2 trollies that they had and i heard the bill was £824 and there cool as anything he counted out the money i was like i wish i hand that much to hold
got back kids did their homework and then we curled up on the sofa watching a film then we sat watching strictly xfactor and then the jungle the little one was way happy as i had allowed him to stay up we all curled up under fleeces but it was nice .
it as taken me awhile to say things like it is his fault to which it is but it deal feel great and a good move forward for me as it was holding me back to go ahead to the furture i think . what ever it holds we will be together me and the kids and if we have to move we shall make it ours as i have been told they cant make us homeless as i have kids . it is him that is missing out waking up seeing the kids doing things with them and the main thing not having any kisses or hugs from them which are priceless xx
yes we all had to dress up for friday nah our school we go in pjs but i wrapped up sorry i couldnt just do pjs toooooooooo cold for me
rose 35 hope you ok what is it you want help with write on here and you will find all the help and it is fab support
Hi shaz. Not been on this thread for a few days, but catching up now. Lots of hugs for you, you're doing brilliantly, handling stuff so well etc.
It's foggy here too this morning, but I don't care, not going anywhere. Going to catch up with some chores.
I wouldn't have just done PJ's either, well not without thermals and a dressing gown anyway. Oh, and a hot water bottle 
In my classroom, it is soooo cold, I'm definately thinking of stuffing a water bottle under a jumper!!!
How much????!!! Don't think I could spend that much even with my four!!
Mind you, was looking at a frozen turkey crown - £25! Was a big one, but then my lot would eat it all. A lot of waste with a "complete" turkey.
Have defrosted the chest freezer, so will now slowly start filling it. Mind you, can't be that slow with only five weeks to go.
Wow, now that's a LOT of money...glad you had a good day though shaz...
I haven't got myself sorted for Xmas yet( well i have got prezzies sorted, but want to try and be organised this year)...
...and the children that get those £824 worth of prezzies will not enjoy them any more than your boys will enjoy their prezzies, shaz5.
Sparkling, I am doing the freezer thing as well.
Hi everyone, shaz5 you poor thing, I am really frustrated with the school, this type of thing seems to happen time and time again.
Have you heard back from the headmistress or deputy? Would you consider writing a letter of complaint?
I remember those days when you are just a bundle of nerves and running away seems the most ideal solution, however those feelings pass and you do wonder why you feel so rattled. But it is completely understandable. Lots of warm, safe hugs to you and yours.
I feel for your son. When people are traumatised and they talk about the incident, it brings it right back and very real, I guess he really just wants to forget it. Can you bring it up perhaps? "You know when daddy hit me, I felt really scared I wanted to cry, but I was determined to stay strong, what about you?"
He knows you are trying to squeeze his emotions out of him and I am sure he will give it up all in good time.
You are doing a fantastic job shaz5
evening all thanks anna everyonee tells you are doing a fab job but god it is hard to stay in there each day its getting closer to the court but then once he goes then i will get the dates for us and then we can but it behind us for once. its alot to deal with and i still got the house to sort out yet and that is a worry .
it as taken me alot to finally say this is his fault and not mine it was his choice to have the affair his to lay his hands on me but i have control of my life now .
my son just wants to forget the past and looks to the furture but that excludes his dad he as told me he never wants to see him again nor have anything to do with him and i cant make him but for that i shall leave it til after everything is sorted and ths dust as settled as he may feel different .
today i went to his school to show his class papers i have of my late grandad . it was his army papers and i got a copy of his regiment war diary following 6months of them so i was asked to go in and show them they asked lots of questions and it was nice my son looked proud .
got the oven cleaned today so that was nice in between i was cooking sheperds pie for our tea it as been a nice day part from work which my class as been horrible so glad to have got away from there and im not looking forward to going back tomoz see how it goes i have a sinking feeling about the job after today unless the kids are getting hyper for xmas
next week im building or helping in the santa grotto joys
You really do sound like you are taking control of your life and it is a fantastic realisation when you can turn around and recognise that this is all his doing, well done.
There are still going to be tough times, but you are doing fine right now!
I bet the class loved your grandads army papers
We have our good days and our bad days at work, thats just the way it is, don't dread it though shaz5, we must take each new day as it comes!
morning all yes anna im trying to stay positive and in my head im going telling myself that it is his doing till the court case is over with i cant really settle as its the unknowing of the out come of this and what will we do if he loses his job for the house then i say to myself that he shouldnt have hit me . not had a good night sleep either last night which doesnt help :( eldest son shouting out in his sleep again the outside light kept coming on some of it was a cat so i kept getting up and work going over in my head . i feel like im going to be told off today when i get in like a school kid i really do have that feeling and it is not nice . one of my kids in my class fell over and i got help with my supervisior who then asked me to get a first aider so i ran went past the deputy head and said have you seen this teacher told me where so i got her then she ran and then the deputy said you didnt tell me that it was this serious i said i didnt knwo what he as done but i feel like im in for it today and feeling rather sick . the lad was ok he hurt his knee and was more shock than anything did go home to be safe . but i wish i had said more to the deputy god this to add to whats going on i could be reading too much and i hope that is right but i do have this sinking feeling
today is a hard day as kids have got counselling later and today she wants to do a one on one with my eldest , try to get him to open up about his dad and what he saw so im dreading that hope he does as i think it wil be a good thing for him and away they can see that he and hear it that he dont want to see his dad . i can foresee tears tonight . im not going to be in the room as i know he wont open up and il start crying too . wednesdays are a not nice day as it is counselling but we have to go through this to come through the other end . and i dont want this to effect them when they are older .
hoping today improves but i dont think it will somehow :( got a nice pile of ironing to do when i come home from dropping the kids off.
xxx
Each day that you get through and face, and EMBRACE is another step towards peace and a good future. I know that sounds like something you would read on a corny greetings card but believe me, it is true. You are doing all the right things
morning i have had a strange day yest to say the least . dropped off the kids and i had a very bad sinking feeling and it got worse. i did the ironing and went to work that was ok but a strange feeling there or i could have been over reacting but i dont think so but il deal with what happens there as and when .
when i was at work my phone kept going off but i couldnt answer it till i finished where i found out my ex was waiting at the house for his things with the police. they had escorted him into the road and he had brought a mate with him . this nice police man called me to ask where i was and what time i was going to be there. in fact he came to collect me from work as i walked . which was nice and i said that i had not got a clue that he was doing this today they thought i had recieved a letter and i said no so i agreed that he could get his things but on my terms and that was he was not going to enter the house nor the garden . i would get the things and his mate was to take them to him .
my ex wanted to get me to let him in and i go get the kids he do his stuff and he lock up and leave the key in the porch like that was ever going to happen !!! the police said it was my call as they were theer to keep the peace and protect me . but even they said that normally it would be a suitcase full not the whole house and they said no to some of the stuff as i said he got a hour and oh boy did i start to throw stuff even garden gnomes his mom gave us went and told where to put them :0 the list was mad but he wanted all the paperwork for the house , everything to do with that and i said no that is part of the divorce we sort that out then when that is done . the police agreed as it was in joint names he cant do that . he wanted to take down the camers and rip out the alarm from the house and they said no that was not going to happen as it belongs to the house he couldnt do that .
they told me that he was cool and he trold them that he didnt know why i was like this and pursuing the courts when i fall over he dog bed and i have blown it all up. so how come then my son saw it all happen and we are putting him through counselling . why is he finding it hard to understand why his dad did this to me and he thought it was what you do when you row! the police said that they had seen it all before and that they usually believe in themselves and a story and then they cant see the wider picture as they are too wrapped up in them. i got most of the stuff gone but they is still some but that can be moved after the case now i have said nothing now before xmas .
it was hard seeing him yest as i wanted to go and ask why but i didnt curl up and cry later i will say that i did have a cry seeing him sitting in her car giving me the look made me scared as i know the look . his mate didnt want to come and they at his work cant see what or why he did this and cant believe him . i did say that he had been having sex in his works car in country lanes when he was on call and he said i really dont want to hear that as he can be in trouble with work for that then when he saw how much stuff he got in the house he said that there was more here than he should have had !! hope he goes and says something to the boss
counselling was hard last night as it was just my son on his own . he did cry and he did open up abit all saying the he really disliked his dad and that the anger was for him nothing as a couple he did tell her that he didnt ever want to see him again .
i told his work mate that her ex has been to see me again telling about them going out , drinking and he sadi il go and talk to him as i dont need that and he would have a word with my ex about what he saying on fb as that it is upsetting our son and he agreed taht my ex as been spoken too about that by afew work mates and he choosen to ignore them but least i have done it wasnt easy but in times seeing him will get better still i like to talk to him to find out why but niow after this and the courts i will never ever get the really answer
The police sound quite brilliant shaz.
How incredibly difficult for you though.
Thinking of you all.
Good grief shaz what an awful episode for you......you did do well to get through it. I am glad the police were able to give you some information about it happening to other people too, at least you know that you are not alone...all I can say is that your boys are so lucky to have a fab mum like you
thank you louise yes i know why he wanted that time so i would go off to school and get the boys and he would see them well that didnt happen nor would it. it was hard to see him even though i didnt see him close up it still hurt but it had to happen one day .
when his nan died last year his aunt gave me her sewing machine and that is one thing he wants back i was given that not that i can use it but i rang the aunt to see if she was ok and had a nice holiday and i was upset as she said that the machine can go back when we are divorced. now i didnt think you could or would take back gifts but they are welcome to it and i will always have the memories in my heart of her . the aunt told me that my ex as emailed her to ask to go and see them but she as said when they get back off holi but she as not heard anything from him since . i tild her that as upset me alot as why wouldnt he ever take me or the boys to see you and she said that she never thought of that. i think on that bit of family the chapter is closing too . i feel that chapters arwe closing but none are opening up .
the boys are thing that are keeping me going and i do find it even hard to stay focus with them at times . when i saw him i still felt a tiny bit that i wanted him to cuddle me and say sorry but that would never happen and the trust as gone i think it was i wanted to be held and a comfort blanket back . the hardest bit to know that he as someone else and that they can turn their feelings off after so long . but i will never know what he has been saything behind my back to the police he doesnt understand why i have done this he is so wrapped up in himself and i hope that one day his bubble will burst and slaps him hard in the face .
i think in my mind is i know that christmas i will be doing it alone and it being the first and also the court date is looming only 3 weeks away then we will find out more and be clearer as to when we go cause by what the police say he dont seem to know what he as done wrong . which is sad in away as he will cause our son to go to court and that wont do him any good at all but yah ho cross that when i come to it .
hope everyone as a goodday its colder today so wrap up
thankyou sparklinglime it is not nice time at the min with thing going on but deep breaths and take each day as it comes . they were good they made me laugh as they sadi they only normally pick up afew things not the whole house lol
yes friends and family the little i have left on here people say that im doing a good job and im being brave but i dont feel it i try to tell myself but it wont sink in but i have found this site to be good
Glad the site helps I know that when you are going through mega stress, it is hard to think of yourself doing a good job and it is only us that can see it more clearly from the outside.
Hope you have some nice plans for the weekend, it was freeeeeeezing here today
morning all i have had a really bad head since fri and i cant get rid today being the worst. friend said to me its stress and she is right . the court case is looming tomoz i got to call the solic as he as not replied to the divorce papers so see what my next step is there how long can he delay this not signing ? i know why he is because he told me that he didnt want to go down that road for 2/5years yet but there is no way i want to stay married to a cheat or a liar anymore than i have too .
it dawned on me yest that when my ex came the other day for some of his things he never asked for any photos of the kids nor did he ask for anything small off then like a pic they have drawn . my eldest made a dish for him last year in cubs and he never even asked for that. now this as really sent me crying yest and even when im writing it here im filling up.
tomoz i willcall the solic and then the police to say thankyou for there help in the other day but i will let them know that he was to come in the morning not in the afternoon and that what he wanted was not of great importance and these things could have waited till after the case really and that he never asked for anything of the kids . you see it may be me but the time he came he knew that i would have to go and get the kids so i think he was thinking that he would get to see the kids though this didnt happen.
yest was a ok day kids swimming then home i have started to do a box for the kids and in there i have brought 2 xmas cards for their dad the one son as wrote the other no and wont but least they are there and whenthey see him or i can pass it on he cant say that i didnt include him. some school pics i have got are also in there and any awards i ahve photocopied of it and put that in there . some say im doing the right things some say im mad tro even think of his feelings but thats me and thats what im like .
today im ironing and got to get out in the garden and collect leaves if it stops raining . now the shed as been emptied i need to get in there and sort it out but im finding that abit hard to do as he built that shed and i was so proud of him for that . i got a overwhemling feeling of dispair today of what if ,hows if things break down , the whole maintence of this house and car and garden .
deep breaths have to cross this when it happening again im rushing ahead of myself. he goes to court again in 3weeks and after wed when he spoke to the police i think he is now going to take it to the trail he believes in me falling over the dog bed he told them . this saddens me as my son as to got to court then im still on going at the hospital tomoz night for some nevre tests then physio fri then the doc aweek thurs for the findings so really i have alot to deal with and till these have all been done and over i cant really begin to breath a new life as yet today my hand is really sore and taken tabs to help today .
well i best be making a move kids have karate at 10 and they arent even dressed . my little one is santa in school and my friend ordered me a suit for him and she brought it to ours yest . he looked so sweet in it just got to make the beard now which i have to get glue and cotton wool . went to the park yest for abit to let them let of steam and meet up with a mom from gingerbread and that nice then on the night we watched tv together
Hi shaz you do indeed sound stressed. A couple of things: firstly there is a bug going round at the moment, a virus where your muscles ache but mainly an awful headache. My friend had it and it lasted a week then I have had it and it lasted five days. Such a relief when it went! So hopefully your head will soon feel better.
Also the thing about the divorce papers: if he will not acknowledge the papers then your solicitor will have a procedure for chasing him and after a while they appoint the court baliff who will go round to the person's house and hand the papers to them and even if the person will not sign, the court official has witenssed them receiving them and can swear to that so that is enough. That is what had to happen with my own divorce, by the way.
Take care and try to get some relaxation in amongst the jobs
I do hope your headache is easing off shaz.
The Git never wanted photos either, and those I did take to him when we split, he left out with rubbish when he moved out of his rented place eighteen month or so later. I only know as he told me he'd left a load of stuff out to go the dump and wondered if I wanted anything...
It was raining, and those photos were in a box in the rain - and the children saw them... I also rescued a really old carriage clock that belonged to his grandma. I was so glad it worked as the clock meant a lot to me.
The man I married is a complete stranger. He became a stranger a few years before I left him, which is why, probably, I have never missed him.
I do hope that the courts can sort this out.
xx
morning louise i do think that my head is something else as it as not gone and today its banging not good as im having my hair done this morning . cant put it off as i she cant come this side xmas and its needs cutting and a colour done. then before work if my done i have got to got to school and try and help inthe school getting it ready for the fayre thurs. i cant see me helping out there really .
hopsital tonite what a time 4.30 nice timing getting the kids out of school early and its just a hard time but as to be done . this is to see if when the break healed it as not trapped a nerve.
well i made a start in sorting out the shed putting what is left of his to one side i knew i over did it and my hand played up last nite so my son told me off . but as to be done. im going to leave the loft stuff as i cant ask him to help me lift it down as he is too young . and that can wait till after xmas . he as asked for his nans sewing machine which hurts as i was given that but he can have it he wants to get petty then he can i will always have her in my heart.
yes sparklinglime some ex's do go like strangers and it hurts . still hurts how they can switch off and have nothing to do with the kids . even the police have said that they are shocked to how he as not tried to see them the right way . he is allowed to see and have the little one but as not even tried nor sent him a letter .
when they go into denial how deep can they go to push what we had to the back of their minds like he as . well its is his doing and only he can leave with what he as done and one day it will hit him but by then it will be too late we will have moved on .
phone the solic and the police today they be sick of me by the time this is over lol as he is going to court on the 16th
i was going to ask to see if the divorce papers cant be served then , then that would get him .
i know what you mean louise i have to find some time to chill thats my problems i have to do jobs but i cant see that they dont have to be done right away i knwo i over did it yest and that adds with the stress as to why im so tired all the time. i had to go and borrow my neighbours iron as mine broke last night great . i did watch strictly x factor and then the jungle then i went to sleep .
Hi shaz5
It sounds as if you are going at 100mph all the time, so that you don't have to think too much about what is happening. I remember doing that myself during my divorce, it is Ok in the short term but not good for you in the longer term, I wonder if you feel that once the court case is done you will be able to cut yourself some slack.
Good luck for the hospital
Hi shaz. An emotional weekend for you, I'm sorry it wasn't a good one. You're also in pain with your hand, which of course doesn't help when there's stuff to be done. When I hurt my foot a few years ago, I used a chair to get around at first, foot was swollen, couldn't stand on it, and no crutches were given (until I went back). I was in such pain, but no one to do anything. I literally concentrated on feeding C and I, making sure we had clean clothes, clean dishes, and basically that was it. I actually feel if you push yourself too much, you end up in a worse state. Other things can wait, they'll still be there next week. I do know what you mean though, and I really sympathise with you. Hope you're ok, and the dentist isn't too bad.