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hi thankyou both yes moving would be abit too much at the min and they still got to go through the grieving like me and if we moved we would only take it there too we need to get our heads sorted and got through what we have got to go through then see how we feel then x we have had loads of cuddles and he had a big cry on the bed this morning and that did him good even though it was hurting me to see him like that , but he really as not cried much since his dad left us. had a good day in the end managed to get alot done beds done washing done ironing done the car vac and the grass had a quick go over and then we had a good sort out of the out door toys and threw away things that were broken and put away my ornaments that would not last in the frost ready for winter it was a busy day dinner cooked too wow all this and my hand is paying for it now but had to be done and the kids went on their bikes while i was doing the car even went to neighbours for a chat too . done more than i wanted to get done but felt good for it :) uniform all ready for tomoz eldest is back to swimming with the school that done too off to bath them and snuggle up together for abit before bed then i can put feet up and have 5mins to myself hope you all had good day x
morning all well it doesnt look very nice outside today . wish could stay in and snuggle up in pj's all day now that would be nice school runs to do and the eldest is off swimming today with the school he be blown away . housework to do this morn then i got work just hop eit stops raining by lunch as i do not fancy wet play at all . entertaining 26 kids in a classroom not nice thought . watch a girlie film last nite bridial wars , it was quite nice but that on after xfactor . going through the phase of waking up again around 4 then going back to sleep but when the clock goes off i dont want to wake . too much swimming in my head . this week sees me doing the open nights for my sons senior school . that is something i never thought i do on my own ! got a busy week densit tomoz cubs and beavers thurs as both are back on now and i go to bok in my sons counselling on fri i go first to chat and see which is the best way for them . and thurs got a year 2 meeting getting to know your teacher and what they plan to do in the year so pretty full on week . the kids are still snuggled up in bed, shame to have to wake them mondays come too quick ! have a lovely day hope you dont get blown around too much x
Gosh shaz5 you have a busy week. Yes, I remember going round the senior schools with no daddy in tow, it is not easy but just think! you get to be the one to choose! I remember us visiting the place I had had my eye on for years as the best school in the town and then actually thinking I am not sure about this place......and then went to see another school, with a less impressive reputation and I knew as soon as we started walking round that this was the absolute right place for my boys, so do trust your instincts.
Have a good day and takle in that wind!
just got in from work got blown about on the playground lol i carried my sign all around today didnt hand it in like i should have just got attached to it today are well the girls thought it was funny just having five mins before i go and collect the boys
Hi shaz5
Your going to hate me for this.........!
I once heard that it takes half the time again of the length of your relationship to completely get over it.
When I heard this I thought it was ridiculous, but to be honest, looking back on my situation I think that this is probably a fair comment. To be completely free, emotionally and mentally and living a very different lifestyle.
Eek sorry! One point I want to make though is that because of this statement, it is important not to move into the next relationship too soon, we are still damaged, vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Take the next 5 years to grow your family and your home to exactly how you want it, you will reap the rewards I'm sure.
You could move if that felt right, however, I believe that if you re-arrange the furniture, perhaps paint the front room or get new cushions, buy a new rug, change your duvet cover, you can create a fresh, newer environment for both yourself and your boys.
Anna, that sounds a lot more realistic than the "formula" I once heard quoted by the famous agony aunt Anna Raeburn. She said it took a month for every year, to recover from a broken relationship, so a ten year relationship would take ten months to recover from, I think that is a bit quick myself. Some time after my divorce I became involved with someone over a period of three years, it certainly took me a lot longer than three months to recover, probably over a year in fact.
Shaz5 Anna has given you some great ideas about revamping your living space 
hi yes anna i agree i have started to make little changes brought new bedding sold afew ornaments that he got me .i said i like to re paint the bedroom and the hallway but will see after everything is sorted out how my money is .i did get new cups etc just to make it ours :)
since writing on here you all have helped as for me i want it over and done with and resettled so im not on my own as i fear that too much but im not allowing myself any healing time at all in doing so . i have got to deal with alot the main being the court case . last nite it hit me like a ton of bricks when i realised that he is out going to his drag racing meetings and he is not trying to fight for the kids at all which is sad to be honest . but at the end it is his loss i am not seeing that none of it is my fault as he went off and had the affair and he could have spoken to me tried to sort things out or gone our seperate ways without doing what he did .
im not a evil thing like he thinks i am someone who wont listen . the lies are the worst he has told and not fighting for the kids yes i think once everything is over i may feel different and stronger . with my situation i got the court case too for him hitting me i have made notes has to how i like to change things the colours doing little steps at a time .
have been thinking as to what my mother in law will do for my little ones birthday as i know she as brought him something already will she want to see him or not seeming in the holis she sent a text saying she wishes not to see me or speak to me with how things are then sent a text to my son saying she didnt want to see them or speak to them at the min which i thought was evil to say the least as they are only kids at the end of the day and it was her son that did this to us
well rant over do feel better lol densit today oh no dread there and my friend as got hospital to see about his cancer so nervous there for them as he thinks its going to be bad news . they have been great neighbours through this for me so wishing them all the best hope everyone is ok and have a good day least here the wind as dropped and dry at the min
Hi shaz 5
Its so nice to get new cups and bed sheets, really refreshing, so well done you for making those first steps.
This will be a very difficult time for you all the emotions will come flooding in at different times.
Its a shame that you mother in law won't be making an effort for the grandchildren, as how she is now, will impact massively on how the boys relate to their father in the future. If granny is still loving and caring and daddy is her son, they might give their father a bit of leeway. However it sounds like she is behaving a little like her son.
I know it is upsetting for you, to see her behave like this with the children, but maybe it is for the best??
Good luck with the dentist and the hospital today.
well i had a good and bad day yest the emotions came in waves !! densit went ok he repaired the filling if it happens again then i got to look at a crown.my friends had not good news from the hospital his level as gone up so they are having him back in 6 weeks but least it not spread so thats good .
then my eldest couldnt sleep and wanted me as he was thinking of his dad , he missing a male fig around so that got me upset and i cant make dad be who he used to be when he doesnt want to be and when he doesnt see what he is doing ! he seemed to be ok with what i said then he saw that not only as he lied to me he as in fact lied to them too which he knew his dad had but not faced up to that being the truth or didnt want to believe his dad could do that to him. he seems ok today when he woke . i think it got alot to do with us looking at schools now ready for next year . we are looking at one tonight ! scary going just us , not looking forward to it as you will see families and then i feel it be us , i know that that wont be the case but it is how you feel , i know it is not the case . the school im going to tonight is not the one he wants to go but he just wants to look around see what they are like all good for him to see his options. i cant even mention it to his dad so he as not clue to this and as his mom wont speak to me i cant even tell her to let him know !
should i tell my solic who is dealing with my divorce to let her tell my ex? or leave it as it is his loss.had a good class last night at zumba won so i got a pound off the class next week so that is nice . my legs are not sore today but my hand is its tight today .
well at least it is sunny here washing out think im going to look around the shops today miss my friend for that we used to have a laugh but when we split she didnt want to be my friend any more she didnt want to hear about which hurt as i thought we were like sisters . our sons are friends and our hubbies were friends too . im not sure if they see him but nor am i bothered if she is going to be like that towards me then was she a friend ?? i will go see what they have see if i get any ideas for xmas lol well i hope you all have a lovely day in what ever you do take care x
Hi shaz5
I know, it is sad when are friends are not as loyal as we thought they might be.
As far as the school choice is concnered, I would not make a point of discusssing it with their dad as he is not very involved with them at the moment. What a shame about your mother in law, I have over the years heard from so many grandparents who are distraught that they have lost contact, and it is a important relationship for children in their loves but you can't make people do things they don't want to do, more is the pity!
Hi shaz5, Glad to hear that you won at Zumba class? ( how/ why did you win?)
You're right, unfortunately that lady isn't a real friend if she's acting like that, but you don't know what influence her husband has over her as you say both husbands were friends.But best to move on if you can...Are there any local support groups you can join to meet some new people?
The meetup group I joined is good to at least find groups you might like in your area?
meetup.com
Hi Shaz5 Just read your post on revamping things in the home, it really worked for me, ive painted the landing and the stairs waiting for a carpet for the stairs as it was bear before, changed things in the kitchen waiting for that to be plastered so i can paint that. I feel better focusing on something other than my ex im starting to feel more positive and looking forward to things again. I know you still have issues like court but try focusing on positive things. If we lived near each other i would have come to the shops with you!!
I hope your eldest is feeling a bit more ok with things. I was quite lucky as my lot never did seem to miss their father, as he chose to do so little with them even when we were together. One thing I've always emphasised to this lot that we are a family. Number of parents don't come into things...
I hope the visit to the school goes well. I see little point too of letting their father no - unless he does ask that is.
I found things that happened when it cames to friendship and divorced so hurtful. Today I've driven past someone who was always part of my life, living around the corner from me. Her Dad died recently, and I so want to hug her - even after over seven years of her deciding tht the friendship she had with my ex husband mattered more. A friendship I hadn't been aware of before... It does hurt.
I do hope that you enjoyed the shops and got some inspiration though.
hi well i started off in a good mood now im in shock !! went off shopping enjoyed myself managed to get afew little xmas things to put away do abit when i can to come home to post my ex has sent the kids letters addressed to them i rang the police as it looks like he as broken bail im mad and upset . he was told that any contact was to be only through a third party . the courts told him that his solic too what part is he not getting i cant show the letters to the kids or do i ? he says he is trying to arrange to see them and he misses them and that the few months have been hard for him so why then is he out getting drunk and going to santa pod like he as instead fighting to see the kids my nightmare as to end soon what will it take for him to see he as to have a third party the kids dont need this at all they are hurting too why do thye go like this
I'm so sorry to hear this saz5, I think they do this just because they can...and they know it is upsetting for their ex's and basically it's all about them.
I would get some advice before showing them the letters, but ultimately you have to think of your children's best interests, and think would they want to read letters from him? Also it depends on what is written in the letters as well...
Hmmnn, a lot to consider.
I do agree with Mich, it depends on what he has written and what the effect is likely to be. if you decide the effect will be negaive then perhaps put them away for now, especially if he has broken his bail conditions. One of the things he will try to do is to make it "your fault" that he is not seeing the boys (not his fault due to his violence!) and you don't want him to pass that impression onto the boys.
What a horrid shock for you, though!
I've had a bit more of a think on it too. Another way to look at it, is what would your children say if they find out a bit later on that he has written them letters, but you have not given them to them?
I would just hate it if they said to you" We had letters addressed to us from Dad and you kept them from us". So what I'm saying is, maybe see how they feel, but also perhaps let them know and be honest with them about your concerns and say you are thinking of them and want the best for them, but you don't know what might be written in those letters either that might be upsetting to them? At least then they can make more of an informed decision.
Maybe with better advice from Louise or Anna, but you could test the waters with them somehow to see how they would feel?
Yes, my suggestion was to "put them away for a while", that's all as I agree with Mich that there might be some resentment in future, but I was wondering if it would just upset things even more at the moment....it's a difficult one isn't it? Hope the comments from Mich and myself have helped, shaz5.
Hi shaz5
My ex used to send letters and I always gave them to my daughter, unless we were going through a particularly rough patch. More often than not she would read it and then leave it on the side, not particularly bothered. That was probably because they weren't very interesting, it was always about him and never about her!
However when we were going through the courts I did read them, but kept them back if innappropriate. Only you can be the judge of that though.
You could tell the boys that their father has written to them, do they want to see the letters.
Or you can put them away as the law has said that he is not to do this without going via a 3rd party.
How do you feel about it? I am sorry to say, this will probably come up time and time again over the years and you will be surprised how you change, whether you give them the letters might depend on your mood, the childrens mood, which point within the Court process you are in.
How do you think the boys would cope with it?
How did the visit to the school go? Whenever you do things like this, try really hard to feel confident, so your boy feels confident too. In the early days of single parenthood, one thing I used to pretend when I did things like this, was that my partner was at home looking after our smaller children, or working late, or preparing supper!! It really helps and then once you have come to terms with your situation and find acceptance within yourself, you really don't care or notice the others around you!! 
hi everyone the school went ok my son joined in things it went well . i was tired as i had to go for training too at work so wed was full on ! with getting the letters too. i rang the police they are looking into it to see whether he as broken bail, i ended up yest saying sorry to them on behalf of him. i think im ashamed as to what he has done and the was he as behaved.
i also rang my divorce lawyer and the courts have lost my divorce claim so that as to be re done got mad with that though she as wrote to him about the divorce and no contact with the kids and that too he as chosen to ignore . she told me that if they find he as broken bail then he is in really big trouble . i know none of it is my doing but it scares me because of the house . the whole thing as gotten out of hand and i feel like im in a bowl trying to get to the top .
i did show the kids the letters , i asked them first as they had asked me to be honest with them the little one got upset as he didnt put any kisses on the eldest one wanted to know what 'our arrangements ' meant was it me and dad or dad and his new partner! to which i replied im not sure then he said when will he get it in his head we dont want to see her or have anything to do with her . i have told the solic this and she as said that at some point they may have to see her i know if that happen then he would run away .my son as told me that time and time again .
today i got a long meeting with viticims support to try and sort out counselling for the kids , at first it was only my eldest son who needed it as he saw his dad hit me but the little one needs it too just hope they can steer me into the right course for that .the solic told me something yest that was in away right but in another a shock , that on may 16 the hubby i knew died and it is time to burry him as the person he is now is someone new ! she said its sad but they change into something we dont know and she is right he as got shellfish and his new partner is everything . what will be will be with him i hope to know more as to what the police are going to do they were waiting for the court lawyers to get intouch then i keep dreaming that he comes to the house i know if he did that then the police would be called as he cant come near . but i dream that he does as he is mad and hits me again i owke up this morning crying as i dreamt it i have told myself that my nightmare cant last as to stop at some point .
i have booked a pantiomine for me and the kids to go too at xmas that should be nice as they have never been to one . cost abit as im going the week inbetween xmas and new year but it is a treat as to what we have been through trying to sell my big tent now and my bike so taht will help lol and i got a carboot next sun to do so all helps . eldest son came home with a 3 day trip letter last night more money but the school as said we can pay each week said he could go as i remember going there when i was at school in oct be alittle cold said so that but no cubs camp in nov cant do both !
well lets see what today brings hopefully all good in away im hoping that they done something to my ex , he as not listened to the police , solic or magistrate yet so at what point will he listen !! well i best be going have a lovely day all also got to tell my class that i can come on their trip with them in 2 weeks is that a good thing or not ?? 50 kids on a coach both year 5 going its nice as im only a lunchtime supervisiors and i get to go with them :) might not be smiling on day when i egt a headache lol hope my spelling is ok have tired to correct where i can teh weather is not looking nice here looks like rain
Hi shaz5
You have a lot going on!!! Sorry to hear about the bad dreams, it is awful when that happens and you wake up in tears. Your logical miond knows one thing, and you heart fears another.
I so understand your son's point of view about the new partner. All children have the wish that their parents wil get together again and everything will go back to "normal". Of course that is not going to happen but for them the new partner represents the death of that wish. However, if she does stay in his life then they are bound to come across her at some stage....but no need to start worrying now as there is enough on your plate.
Good luck at Victim support today
Hi shaz5
I agree with Louise you are doing so much at the moment and also dealing with so much and you are doing a fantastic job!
Not only are you re-nesting in your home, you are clearing out and making money!
You are supporting your boys and weighing up all pros and cons of the right way to go about their father.
You are working and finding new hobbies
AND you are being a support to other people here online and planning some fun stuff for you and the boys to be doing.
I take my hat of to you, you have amazing inner strength and although I am sure you have days when you wish you didn't have to be so strong all of the time. It is a fantastic quality and you will go far with it
Where are you going with the Year 5's?
hi guys thankyou for your posts i wish i could feel that im doing ok and strong at the min i feel so tried.
well the support group were good and yes they feel that both boys need counselling so im pleased for that and that should begin in oct for 12 weeks they did tell me taht the kids may get supervisied visits but they wont last . if they really wish not to see my ex's new partner then they will have to express to the courts that themselves .
still not heard anything from the police about what the courts have said about my ex writing to the boys so im unhappy there thought today i would have heard something .
work was good my class were good can see that the kids are back to school half of them come up and tell you that they are not feeling well ! that time again we are going to the safaria park so that will be nice day out . if i was still in year 4 then i would have been able to go to warwick castle :( off tomorrow to see a ben 10 show with the kids had the tickets for awhile now so that be something to look forward too and then the little one as yet another party to go too. they got better social life than me lol
i have thought from were i was in may to were i am now i have done and over come alot i know that i have afew more hard months to go i just wish the police would let me know if they are going to do my ex for these letters or give him extra bail well ihope you all have had good days too
well last night i went to my local gingerbread meeting which is held at our leisure centre and there came out the gym was my ex ! it was bound to happen but he was waving just like he had walked in from work . wanting the kids to go and hug him , when we got into the room my eldest broke down
he never came up to us while we were there thankgod . my eldest went to sleeping with me agin last night saying he felt sick then we had a bad night with him shouting out fighting with himself so im knackered totally today . then this morning what arrived was another two letters for the boys from him again. so again it be back on to the police . god i wish i could sleep till this was over trying now to stay strong and forcus when ii got this and he doing more is killing me seeing the kids upset was soul destorying last nite again . i know this is not helping him but to wave like there is nothing wrong was hurtful seeing the anger back in my sons face was not nice :( well not much else i can do just call the police again
off to take the boys to their swimming lesson in abit trying again for badges then its homework time and ironing or there be no uniform come monday then we off to see ben 10 show tonite so that will do the kids good . be a nice nite out weather is not good today we have had rain and it was hammering so take care if going out today . anyone doing anything nice today ?
Heck, shaz5, what an awful shock and your poor boys, especially the eldest to be upset. No wonder you are tired but you are right, keep going and try to keep everything as normal for the boys. I remember having a simiar experience...there is a local gala here every May and we alwys used to go and watch the parade before going. The May after my separation, we walked to the end of the road and through the alleyway and who should be stood blocking it but the boys' dad. I was so shocked you could have knocked me over with a feather.....so I can really sympathise with your feelings.
Do get a little notebook and keep a record of all these things, the meeting, the letters and the dates, you never know what you may need. Hope you still have a good weekend, it sounds as if there are lots of jobs, have some fun too!
Oh shaz5 you are really going through it at the moment, so I really feel for you. It's also hard when people say you're strong, but you don't really feel it...but remember that each day that passes, and you are carrying on, then you are being strong in subtle ways...
It's horrible how as soon as we see them it upsets us, but I am hoping there will come a time, when we just feel indifferent to them.
I met a work colleague today, and it was a real morale boost when she said that bad things shouldn't happen to good people, so it was lovely to hear that and think that maybe I'm not such a bad person after all.
well the police took a statement and the letters away and they got to see with the courts if they can stop my ex doing these as they are upsetting even though he just saying he trying to see them and he misses them and hopes they are misssing him too hoping they are being good but twice in the same week and then seeing them is too much after nearly 3 months ! my little one as got a cold just hope it goes and not on his chest as he is asthmatic and he suffers in winter months . he got party to go to today he wants to go but im like we see he curled up on sofa watching tv .the ben 10 show was on but it was like the same thing over and over . the little one enjoyed it so thats good . least the weather here seems ok for now . mich i know what u mean when this happens to us we do feel like we are bad people i have many a friend say that to me but with me when people say nice things i dont let it sink in my head i toss them away ! well what everyone up to today ?
Oh shaz5 hugs for you.....
I'm on here as my daughter has gone out and I'm feeling a bit lonely right now....
Hi shaz5, hope your son's cold isn't too bad, did he get to the party?
Mich, loving your avatar!!
hi all he did go the party but is full of it now so hot choc and bed early for him . i was not going to send him but he has been looking forward to it .
hi mich thanku yes i know how u feel im low today . i think seeing my ex on fri nite as set all back the eldest went to sleep with me and last nite the youngest as gone back in my bed and i think he doing the same tonite . the eldest wanted to jump into last nite as he was scared . just not fare at all how he as made us feel . i know i will look on this in afew months in a different way but at the min its hard and like u its the money that gets me and the house i still wonder if he stops paying what will happen to us i try to put that thought to the back of my head till it happens .
yes downton abbey back on i loved this but we used to watch it together so im hoping that i dont get too upset . i have longed for this to come back on tv so i will snuggle up and watch it
Thanks Louise about the avatar...I finally got to grips....
Oh shaz5..I know what you mean...watching TV programmes that you used to watch together....
It's such a shame we are so far apart...I think we would all be great friends together...but at least we have here to support each other....
I'm thinking of you...
I'll think I'll be going to bed to watch it...
hi all i did get upset watching it last nite i knew i would so i cruled up in bed and watched it there with my little one in bed with me . yes since we saw my ex on fri they have both slipped back . im hoping this is not for long as they were doing great and i had my bed back . the eldest was with me fri nite and he as gone back to shouting out in his sleep all over the weekend so im knackered today dreading the post today , hopefully there be no more letters but my gut feeling says there will be . my days at the mo consist of phoning police , solic and informing womens aid i keep telling myself that this will end at some point . my little one cold as got worse i knew it would always does but he wants to go to school inhalers will be used loads today its a shame it may end up at the docs later too i said see how u go at school as he wants to se his mates i will make the teachers aware . i wish i could wrap him in cotton wool through winter but i cant .
well after crying abit i really enjoyed downton love to go and see the place where they filmed it .
well ihope we all had good weekends and today looks like it may be nice even though it is a little chilly
Oh shaz5 it's horrible how they can get to us...I'm sorry you slipped back, but I know exactly how you feel on that one...they just get under your skin, don't they?
I also know how you feel about getting post, and then in the day, you are making calls, but you have it a lot worse as you are in contact with the Police too...
I wish you were closer to give you a supportive hug...
Hi shaz5, this phase will seem like it is going on forever, i remember it well. Just keep on doing what you are doing, it sounds like although you are exerting all your energies in looking after everyone and have moments of low times, you are doing fantastically well.
It is so confusing to see our ex behave as if nothing has gone on, especially when we are feeling broken and spend many an hour soothing ourselves and our children.
As for the Police getting back to you, have you heard? I found them to be quite ineffective on some areas regarding DV. I think they are great when protecting you, however when issues arise that we deem very important, they do not take the same view.
If you would like to visit where Downtown Abbey is filmed I found this info for you!!:
Highclere Castle in Hampshire was used to represent Downton Abbey in the filming, with the servants' living areas constructed and filmed at Ealing Studios.
The village of Bampton in Oxfordshire was used for filming the outdoor scenes, most notably St Mary's Church and the village library,
which serves as the entrance to the cottage hospital.
I hope your boys have had a good day at school and everything will become settled again as the week goes on.
thanks anna when i feel strong in driving on the motorways then i will go and have a look :)
both boys have now got colds the little as a full on head cold .sign the weather is turning . im off to hospital yet again today for hand therpay a hour in the hop eit will give me more movement , hope so as in this weather its is tight . hopefully if i can get a sitter then i shall be off to zumba ! then curl up and watch tv .
well the boys aprt from the colds they are ok little one still in my bed and not sleeping well least the big one seemed not to have dreams last nite no shouting out which is good ! the sad thing is my ex as not got a clue as to what he is doing and how it is effecting the boys. well i hope you all have good days
Morning shaz5,
I hope your hand feels a little easier after your hand therapy today, and that your boys start to feel much better.
Actually, it sounds very comforting when you say 'curl up and watch TV'....but at least you'll be off to Zumba too...
Glad your your eldest had a better night's sleep...but you're right, they don't have a bloody clue at the devastation they leave behind...
shaz 5, are you not comfortable on the motorway? When my daughter was small, I used to strap her in and zip up and down to London for no reason whatsoever other than feeling powerful! It was about the only time that I did feel powerful then, even if I was in my rusty old W reg Ford Fiesta!!
Good luck at the hospital, do you have to do exercises everyday to help it heal? Everyone here in the office has a bit of a cold, it is that time of year I guess, i hope your little one isn't too uncomfortable.
Glad your eldest boy had a peaceful sleep last night. It is sad that their dad doesnt have a clue what is going on for them, but it is also infuriating and wrong too. 
I hope uyou get to zumba tonight, take care
Hi Shaz
Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time at the minute. I sympathise with your children having a cold, Ive got one aswell and have been feeling very sorry for myself this week because of it!
I never used to like driving on the motorway but have got quite used to it now, as long as I have my trusty sat nav!!
Take care x
What are you up to today shaz5?
Oh sam.W I hate satnavs....I used one twice and both times it was awful, so put me right off...The last time it directed me to a back way short cut, and I ended up in a ploughed field! I am like you shaz5, but I'm not a very confident driver, and I try and look on Google Maps first and do a print out of my route. I'm actually quite good at map reading if I'm a passenger, but rubbish if I'm driving, because i can't multi-task the two things together!
hahah yes me too, I remember shortly aftyer my divorce I went away with the boys for a few days, eldest was 9 so I wrote down the directions and told him to read them out to me, oh boy did we get lost!!!
Hi Shaz I am new on here and have discovered this website via the Freedom Programme website. You are going through a very difficult time and reading your posts I would recommend that you try and purchase a copy of 'Living with the Dominator' by Pat Craven, there is a link on this website. We also have a forum on the Freedom Programme website which you may like to join.
Hi Lowestoft, welcome to One Space!
I agree I think that shaz 5 would benefit hugely from the Freedom Programme, it is such an informative course. I have run many face to face courses and seen women turn their lives completely around.
Because I am such a believer in this empowering course, I have worked incredibly hard to secure funding, and I am very pleased to announce that we shall be running this programme here online at One Space shortly! When you join you will receive the 'Living with the Dominator' book free of charge!!!
We also have a forum dedicated to the Freedom Programme, which will no doubt become busier once the course is up and running! Do feel free to come along and join in, Pat (the author of the programme) sometimes pops in time and again too! Click on the bold to go to the Freedom Programme Discussion board.
hi all i have not been on here for afew days as i have slipped back and had afew bad days :( hi lowestoft thanku for your post i will look into that . my ex as been on facebook writing baout us and ther is nothing the police can do . im not linked to him on fb anymore but it hard when people in thye playground come up say something to me or want to give me a hug ! just cause he is writing about me to which the kids get to hear about it as kids talk !! the police are not happy that the court have taken so much bail off him and bascially we are open to him ! he is not able to come to the house but we dread the post etc not nice the police said they are going to ask him to tow the line as he is broading on breaking it .this is not the man i knew all those years ago but thats him now and to me he is dead as i have to look at it .
off to look at another school tonight the one my son wants to go . my little is still full off a cold so it may look like a trip to doc's as his chest is playing up now. he was chosen yest to be on the school council so he was happy sadi he was going to change school times to half aday and only 3 days aweek lol
i did got the other nite to zumba did me good though my friend who i go with we are going to end up kissing at this rate as we always bump in to each other specially when she does now dances we just start off laughing . all you hear off her daughters is 'stop it ' or 'behave ' lol and that makes us worse :)
the hospital the other day was good that i was given aids to help with the hand and they told me that there is nevre damage and they can tryt o work on that . something so little can cause so much pain and trouble is shocking . well i best be off got to washup and off food shopping today joys hope you all have good days today xx
Hello shaz5 we have missed you.
It sounds as if your ex is trying everything he can to wind you up...and if you and the boys are upset about that then in one sense he has "won" a victory on that one. But you are still getting on with your life, doing your activities and looking after your boys.
Good luck with the school visit this evening
Evening Shaz 5...Sorry to hear that you have a had a few bad days, but that is only to be expected...Our moods can very easliy go up and down, but we are here to support you through too...
Yes hope the school visit goes well...
Hugs xx
morning all well the school visit went well really loved the feel of the school just got to hope that we get offered a place fingers crossed till march ! my so called friend was there couldnt go in by herself took another mother . she looked stupid with her face turned the other way while i was there . found out last night that it is her son that because my son started to have a cold which he is bound to catch when the other one is ill , went around calling him a disease boy and to keep away . well with what is going on with us splitting and then he saw what his dad did this is the last thing he wants ! kids can be so cruel and he has said he can handle it so im watching things there at the mo before i step in .
i have started to have little panic attacks im thinking of the things before they have even happened, i have alot on my plate and trying to stay up right and afloat and be strong with the kids too at times its hard . off to gingerbread meeting tonite inside is telling me not to go as he may be there but why should i stop my life my head is saying go but in me is stay at home . i know i have to show im not scared of him i can do things without him and we are ok just wish i felt it . i know i must have some strength to get to where i am now , is this normal ? when does these type of feelings die away ? or is there no time limit to it !
well got a friend coming tomoz nite for a chat and a bottle of wine then sunday we are off to do a indoor carboot . things you find in the loft lol then there will be the usual things to do too hoping both boys dont have too much homework well hope you all have good days chilly start here today washing is out on the line already
How ridiculous "disease boy"! yes, children can be cruel but I always think they get the idea from somewhere.....I remember my sons coming home and saying "X (boy down the road) asked us why we are the only house on the street that has awful windows" Now X at the time was an eight year old boy and I thought it unlikely he had noticed our windows were not double-glazed, so I am thinking his parents said it. It really upset me at the time as I considered it a major achievement to have hung onto the house at all!!! (actually these days, being Mrs Assertive I would go round and speak to the parents about this, lol, bet they are glad I was lacking in confidence at that time! heh heh)
Anyway I am glad that the visit went well, I agree you can get a good "feel" about a place. It is good to know you have some plans for the weekend too
Awww shaz. That's so cruel to your son.
I do hope that the meeting goes well this evening. Sounds like you have a good weekend planned.
Do you think writing down things to try and keep them off your mind would help you be calmer? I've tried it... Doesn't work for me, but it might for you (sorry!!).
Fingers crossed with the school. xx
Hi shaz. I agree with Louise about moving. You're lucky in that you have good neighbours, children are settled in school, and you've got friends. You're still going through a tough time at the moment, so that in itself I think is the wrong time to make big decisions about moving.
Hope you have a good day today. I shall be doing much the same as you ie ironing. Don't you just love it, hehe. Take care. xx