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Have a lovely weekend shaz, and try and push the boy's comments to your son aside. It is horrid, and I agree with louise, I always think things like that must come from the parents! Sounds like you have a full weekend ahead, so that's good. Enjoy. xx
Hi shaz 5, glad the school visit went well, fingers crossed for March.
The feelings of being scared of ex? How long does it take for those feelings to go away? I am really not sure I can answer that. I guess it is when the love, the emotions, the pain and hurt have subsided and you are feeling confident again and your relationship feels like a lifetime away. That's how it was for me anyway. However if i am totally honest, I wouldn't like to see him in the street.
I hope you have a good car boot on Sunday and the pennies come flowing in!
You are doing really well and all that you talk about your emotions and what is going on for you is absolutely normal. You are doing a great job, so please remind yourself of that.
Go to GB tonight and hold your head high 
hi thanks for the replies i am going to nite cant say im looking forward to it but shall go . my son as come home with a scratch down his neck from the same boy who called him disease !its from the parents that were friends of both of us till we split . i know if i went in she would flare up big style . when we went to the school last nite she turned her head to face the other way when we went by . people like that are not worth it afew people have seen my ex and he has tired to speak to them and they have walked on but they said that they had to take a double look at him as he looked ill and older but like that is my fault or promblem !!
morning all well i knew it would happen again !!
we went to gingerbread and again he was there. this time im not sure if she was in the enterance as a lady was watching us and texting , she kept looking up we carried on as went up the corridor to go to gingerbread there he was he opened the next set of doors he said hello --- and ------ (their names) how are you wow how nice my eldest told him to get lost and the other stuck his tongue out he then replied whats up why you like this we carried on into the club they said that he had been hanging around up by the room .
we stayed there as the boys wanted too. i rang the police there and then but he had not been violent so i didnt call 999 he was so close to me that is now surely over step the mark i didnt show any emotions , i think the way the boys were as shocked him . i got home and called the police they said that i needed to call the officer on mon as he was not a danger to us and dosent need arresting what is going to take for him to go away leave us me to be dead !! i cant live like this no one should he may not be too dangerous but he may just flip as the kids are not playing nicely or he may stop paying for the house
why cant he get the message he has done what he as and leave us till the court how on earth do i carry on each day when i get hit down again and again
well im off to take the kids swimming and then i will tidy up then i have a friend coming tonite for a chat and a bottle of wine so that be nice take my mind off hope you all have a lovely weekend xxx
Glad you have a good weekend planned, Shaz5. I agree in principle that you should be able to go where you like etc but if it was me, I think I would not go to that club for a week or two, if it means bumping into him.
Hope the boys get on well at swimming. You will have a nice time with your friend tonight, hooray for friends, I mean true friends, they are worth their weight in gold!!
morning all hope you all having a good weekend.
well my head is alittle sore lol but in a good way . my friend came last night and we had a bottle or 2 and we sat chatting away way too the early hours and i woke early too not good when im off to do a carboot this morning !! really to clear head i need to do a outside one not indoor lol my son woke and said was you drunk last nite no son why you were drinking wine . that dosent mean i was drunk you got a sore head too well the lack of sleep is more to it and not really a hangover head really . didnt help not sleeping much on the nite before due to what had happened .
well dosent look like i can hang washing out here its rainning but that way more may come to the boot :)) uniforms ready and out laid dinner sorted for today god im well pleased and when i get back it be pack away kids bathed and rest for the rest of the day as downton on tonight fab .
my friend asked me last nite why didnt you slap your ex for having the front to do what he did ? or at least slap his new partner as she was in there texting him to let him know i was here i replied as why should i lower myself to there level , this is what he would want me to have done or at least reacted to her but why no im above them and dont need to lower to them . wow saying that made me feel great . little steps like taht helps to rebuild and get over. least in away i have seen him and there was nothing there but i did want to punch him i did want to kick and scream at him but to what point would that have gotten me no were ! and least i have seen her and she was not worth a breath of me .
well i best be going got to get ready and pack the car yet that would help if doing a boot have lovely day all
Hi shaz5
Hope your car boot goes well. Nice you were able to let your hair down a bit but sorry about the lack of sleep. I had to smile when I read you have everything at the ready for tonight: uniforms for the morning, dinner all sorted and plans to pop the boys in the bath before Downton sometimes we have to be like major generals don't we?
I have to agree with you about no punching and slapping. I know you might feel like it but it's never the answer. Maintain your dignity, you are doing so well!
I hope your carboot went well shaz5?
morning the carboot was ok £30 made but the rain but people off . but that was good bit to make then i cant but it back in the loft so im went to the tip and dumped it and that felt dam good :)) hoping the weather stays dry got lots of washing to dry where does it come from ??? get a empty basket one day then full the next. but then that means ironing joys not . hope ayou all have a good day today x
Well done, £30 and a load of stuff decluttered!!!!
That's great shaz5, well done!
Hi shaz 5
I thought when your ex pleaded 'Not guilty' he was told in Court that he wasn't allowed to see or speak to you? Is that right?
If so, I suggest you go and speak to your solicitor. The Police have no idea whether he is a danger to you, so I think it was wrong of them to say that, he is stalking you and making the boys uncomfortable and something further needs to be done, if you ask me.
The police said you had to ring the officer yesterday, did you? What did they say?
hi anna my solic is only dealing with my divorce nothing to do with this case. he was told that he shouldnt speak or go near me well they say that the courts have forgotten to but the kids on the bail so in theory they say he was not doing anything wrong !! i told them that i felt uneasy and that i was not happy they took that into account they said that theywere going out to give him a warning but heard nothing as yet . he goes back in oct to court then a date is set for trail just be glad when its over and done with now . but i suppose like most things it does take time and i have to wait
Oh shaz 5, yes that is the thing isn't it? Just having to wait it out...still we are all here for you to listen when needed and support you too.
Hmmm, it is frustrating for you. I guess that they are going to give him a warning is a good thing at least. It will show that you haven't dropped the subject and give him food for thought.
Your poor boys. I hope your day has been good?
hi yes its hard but i have to try to put it to the back of my mind till he does something else . with what has happened this year i think in away im in shock of it , what he has done the way he as been then the lies you find it is a lot to get your head round and try to carry on and be normal . i must say at times i do wish that the ground would open and take me i just keep telling myself that this will end and we can move on . i dread the post coming just incase there is any more bad news like i had when they arrested him the first time and he stopped paying the bills now i dread that he will stop the house then where or what do i do as that is the only thing he does pay for nothing for the kids . the eldest one had his birthday in july and he has not had his presents yet . ex wanted to give him to him but as he on bail cant then in the letters and texts started to say i still got to give u your presents. i know the day will come when he as to see them again but lets wait till the case is over with.
what a mess and only if talked we could have sorted something out not just gone out and had affair . my aunt saw him shopping mon nite. she said he said hello to her then looked to the floor. she told me that he looked ill and aged alot but then so has others said that too to me like im going to see if he is ok . may be what he has done and the way our son was with him on fri as begun to sink into him !!
well it looks like its going to be another lovely day chilly to start with . my eldest son as woke up and coughing like a fog horn great now he be lying around dying all day still going to school medicine given see how he goes . trying to think what shall i do today ?? some more xmas shopping or relax at home but then jobs look at me then i have just cleaned the chest freezer but oven and cupboards need doing nah them are for a rainy day . hope everyone is well and have a nice day x
Why is it that people seem to worry?? I had that with The Git. No one actually seemed to worry about me...
I do hope you manage to enjoy some of the sunshine.
morning all yet again this week i have had to got to the police with what went on last fri they did warn my ex . he cant contact the eldest or try to speak to him unless it was through a third party but thye little one he can so yest i came home form shopping to find a letter addressed to him it got me so upset i cried it saying hope that it was a nice suprise seeing daddy last fri hello when you got both kids going mad and the eldest one ranting 'get lost ' to him what is the nice surprise in seeing him there ?
im not saying he cant see the kids but till the court case is over i feel let it rest then they are too young and hurting still as to how he as lied and what he as done see he told them he loved me and would stay and work it out then left . they are young but they understand and have feelings too .
im trying not to lock myself away but im finding it hard not too most of my friends are either married or work nights or live away or no money so we cant really go out like to do something where i can go out and meet new friends but how ?
i thought i was getting stronger then i have something like this done and i go down again with friends and neighbours i laugh but inside i cry and like a cuddle like to be took away till this is over next week another hospital rounds so in itself that is upsetting as it is a constant reminder well least the sun is shining have a good day all
Aw shaz 5 sorry you are feeling down and a bit lonely 
It's not easy building a new life after separation.
You say some of your friends are married. I bet they would like a night off! We were talking on another thread about a supper club. Or you could think about doing a course, I know that term has started in most places but there will be things like Crafts for Christmas you can do in the daytime when the boys are at school. You enjoy your zumba, what about other exercise classes? have a look to see if there are things at your local church or Children's Centre. And if there isn't anything, could you start a group up?
Shaz you have got so much about you, that comes across very clearly in your posts so be proud of what you have to offer and the resoruces you have within you!!!
Awww Shaz. I'm sorry you're not feeling so strong at the mo. Loads of virtual hugs, and I hope that a sunny day helps a little.
I find that the darker evening are making things difficult for me.
xx
thankyou all for your posts my eldest son as made it as a prefect he is so pleased and my little one as made it as a school counseller only by saying he would make school half days and only 3 then they play and eat sweets turn the playground ionto a pool lol then the other 2 days will be at home watching tv wonder how come the whole class voted for him lol
hope everyone is well im going to tidy the garden tomoz start cutting afew plants back ready for the winter weather will be nice for it
Hi shaz5
Wow well done to both your boys, it will do them the world of good and boost their confidence.
Good luck with the gardening!
Oh shaz5 how are you feeling today? We are all with you...and some still feeling the same as you...It would be so nice if we all lived in the same street...we could give each other support in reality then...but we are with you here....
I hope you feel better today...Well done to your son too...
Well done from me too!
I hope you enjoyed the gardening.
I can't reach my lawnmower! Will strim after the rain has passed...
hi all hope everyone as had a good weekend. yesterday i did afew jobs got the lawn mowed again and tons of washing . my eldest played out with his friends most of the day i had few lonely times yesterday and felt tearful on the nite then i wondered should i still be like this after this length of time??
today i have cut back some plants done washing and ironing and we have been on a long walk and on the way back went looking for conkers . didnt take a bag with us so my son took his socks off and used them to carry them its been a nice day the eldest son as had afew mood swings today and cried too but on the whole it as been a nice day least the garden looks nice . well kids be in bed early so then i can put feet up and watch tv .
mich yes i wish we all lived nearer would be nice to be there for one another and help each other this month is hard for me hospital acouple of times little one 7th birthday and the eldest goes away for 3 days just before half term . do him good he will enjoy himself . also i have got to go for interview about my income support so im worrying over that as son is 7 they said it will stop also half term too and we had booked to go away but that had to be cancelled might try to go to blackpool for the lights and see friends and the nex as got to got to court then we find out if we are to go to trail all not nice and alot of added pressure on top of it all .
but no one is going to do it for me so i will have to be tough this month and face it all i know one day i will look back at this and think how on earth did i cope but right now i cant see that !
plus if ex loses job then there is the house too much to take on board right now to even go there least the weather as been nice , not too hot today so that as been nice downton time again to night so that is something to look forward too have a nice evening all
Loads of hugs shaz.
xx
Oh shaz 5 you sound emotionally drained too...I don't think you can put a time on how you should or shouldn't be feeling...It seems to me like it's one step forward and two steps back...I just hope it all stops at some point...They just have no idea what they put you through do they? I think if you can have a while where you don't think about them or the situation you are in then you are doing well....or that awful feeling of being alone or lonely and just wanting a hug and be told it will be ok...
It's hard...we are here with you, and big hugs to you...
morning yes i have had more than others to deal with and emotions do come in waves but you have to work through it even more so as i wouldnt want him to see me down and upset and him thinking i did that no way i show him i can cope and deal with things he is not going to beat me down even if it gets tough i will carry on cry alittle or rant on here lol for us all there wil be a point when it will stop and we will look back on it and say how did we get through this !!
well here for the next 2 days the weather looks nice so that be good then we have rain joys for wet play
Yes onwards and upwards, that's the sprirt. If we think of ebverything we have to face it can be really daunting, so one step at a time. You are going so well. I totally loved it that you collected conkers in your son's socks, you are so resourceful and clever to think of that.
Hope your day goes well
morning all thankyou louise yes he was really pleased with his conker hunting lol
off to hospital today for a physio check up then later im off to zumba didnt go last week so i will be sore later but have been doing alot of walking so that may help hopefully
my neighbours have flown out yest to turkey though im really pleased for them as they need this holiday il kind of lost as my rock as left me for abit . i know that sounds selfish and its 2 weeks but they have helped me alot through this . they have a fab time as he has cancer so its been up and down but he had the go ahead to go she thought she had broken her foot 8 weeks ago god we have laughed over theirs and cried they are the best people i know
well the weather looks like it is going to change dont seem so warm today hopefully the grass will not grow now as i dont fancy another cut this year .
hope everyone as a nice day
My grass needs cutting...
I used to really enjoy collecting conkers, although there aren't that many horse chestnut trees our way.
Hi shaz 5, this is another step to your independence, your neighbours going away, I imagine this may make you feel a little abandoned, or deserted, but it will be a good thing for you, you see how you cope.
Good luck with the physio, I hope that it goes well. Take care with Zumba! Its supposed to get easier the longer you do it, isn't it!
Reading through your posts, I have said before, but I really remember that feeling of, is there going to be post, a phonecall, the car outside the house etc, you are in a heightened state of alert and this is normal and I am so glad you recognise that this time will pass, when you know what the future holds, with the house, his actions/intentions and work etc etc
I hope you have a good day
We are here to give you support even though your friends are away....
Hope you don't ache too much after your class....
morning all thanku mich i know this site as meant alot to me over the last few months i have been on here .
well i have woken up with a headache not a bad one so a walk to school to drop the kids off may help.im legs ache abit after zumba class but we did do some new moves but we had a laugh . its the awards programme on tonight i will not doubt have tonns of tissues by me i always do cry at this . last night my mister gok was on so i enjoyed that after zumba . i would love him to style me he could rest his head in my bangers lol hope everyone as a lovely day xx
Aww sorry about your head and hope it clears up later......might have been been brought on by an excess of Gok Wan!
hi louise well it could have been my head lol well my son is going to be well happy tonight as he as recieved a dvd from when he went away in the 6 weeks holi to the phab camb i have watched it and it made me cry with joy it was lovely to see him enjoying himself so much x
That's lovely
well what a horrible start to the day its raining . my son was so pleased to have that dvd of his time away that we cried together last nite then i cried more with pride of britain .
well little one is not good this morning , he had his flu jab last night and his arm is sore and he not too good . he was good having the jab then he always was even as a baby never cried . went and sorted the big ones trip he going on in 2 weeks got to get afew things for that he will enjoy that i remember going there when i was at school.
the kids there were more worried about not being able to tkae phones ipads etc lol how things have changed not about leaving their parents for afew days .
whats everyone up too today im off food shopping as the fridge is bare not good have a good day x
Hope you get through the wind and rain to the shops Ok. I have some local errands to do then am meeting a friend, think she wants some advice as her partner had a daughter by a former partner and the mum is refusing him parenting time.
Glad your son enjoyed his dvd and he will be looking forward to his trip; hope your youngest is soon better after his jab
Those jabs aren't nice. Youngest seems to react to them too.
When we sit the Scouts down to talk about camp they're virtually in shock as they have to survive for a few days without gadgets!
Luckily, I can take mine 
Well, mobile...
I'm sure he is getting excited now.
morning all, he as been away afew times with cubs and managed but these are his school friends lol and they cant cope . my son as asked me to get roll on instead of the spray ! i did say you wont be needing it cause after the lake you all will smell the same he said please mom i need it there are girls going lol least the hair gel is staying at home.
shopping was fun as a friend and her hubby was in there too and since we split they have stopped being my friend too so i was having fun as each time we meet she turn her face the other to avoid me . i laughed as it made me smile at the way she was acting mind you i think i got carried away with the shooping then as the food bill came abit too much whoops well the bottle of wine didnt help :)
got a lovely morning as my son is being awarded his prefect badge so thats nice i hope i dont cry my youngest brought home his school pic last nite and they were lovely and i had one of them done together and that was lovely so i had the both sets and i still got the eldest ones yet to come i have even got my ex a photo just not the one of them together . well least he cant say that i have stopped him having anything. have a lovely day all it is rather cold today least its dry for now here
Isn't it strange the way that other people cope (or don't!) with our separations? More fool them, I say.
Hope you enjoy the presentation this morning
hello hope everyone is having a good weekend . well yest was a case of taking the kids swimming lessons then i had to buy my little one some more school trousers as he came home friday with a hole in them great not even done a term in them and the older one needed some cheap trainers for when he goes away with the school in 2 weeks. then home to do homework then up to cubs for the older one got something on up down yest like a yoyo .
today needed to be up early whoops over slept as they were trying out for karate today there first time . the older one is finishing cubs soon and his swimming does too so i thought with he as gone through this would be a good way of him getting his anger out . so it was a rush this morning to get ready but we did it and they seemed to like it . im just hoping that im not trying too hard , i have a fear that they will turn out like their dad as he did karate too trained hard 5/6 times aweek but it didnt stop him from hitting me and i have that fear that they will turn out like him . i have spoken to them and told them that it is the wrong thing to do in hitting a women like what he did to me , what i think im trying to say is am i doing the right thing in letting them do karate will i turn them out like their dad ?
when i think im doing ok something gets me still at the min. my ex wroet to the kids fri sending them self addressed enevlope to get back they are screaming at me to get him to stop i try the police and they say he can my divorce lawyer says she cant as its not her field think as i know he is going back to court this month im getting nervous .
i know im over tired this week sleep is being distrubed alot i do wonder at times if he does think of what he as done to us !! he did say in the letter that he is trying to see them but my lawyer as heard nothing from him at all even as not replied to her letter that im divorcing him i got to go to interview tues about my income support im getting nervous over that too , plus i got to get a letter from them saying i am on beneflicts then the courts can serve him his papers i will be glad when that is done as then i can finally lay things to rest and move on
well least the weather is dry so bedding on the line dinner done and now begins all the ironing ready for school oh nice
Wow you've been busy!
I know in my case, the day I left with the children was probably the happiest day of The Git's life. I don't think it has ever ocurred to him that our lives may have been difficult.
I hope you do get a chance to relax over the weekend.
Hello shaz5
I think the karate is a great idea, myself!
As for the letters, it is your choice....my choice would be to keep the letters from the boys for now until things settle down, especially if they get upset
You have a big week ahead, pity we can't come along with you in your handbag and keep you company.
morning thankyou louise yes i wish you all could come with me i hate going to the social and having to answer all the questions , but as to be done.
today i have got to go and ask for the school to allow me have a room for the kids counselling they cant get through to the schools so have asked me with the headache i got and earache stress
well along with it being a busy weekend i have started to delete things on the computer , anything work relating files to do with my ex have gone then i began going through the pics well it as taken me 3hours anything to do with drag racing i didnt want any more so i deleted then i deleted the recycle bin well you think would have gone but nope they still here well some have stayed im haunted my his face argh !!!!! im not good with computers at all but even i know that once you delete from the bin then they should be gone , a friend of mine said that it looks like i have to strip the computer bare to shop brought and re do it like im going to know what to do there . my ex as tried to change the pass word for the email as that came up asking for a password but as since gone and stopped asking he did this via his end . i have my own email which he doesnt know about and that was set up after he left . the things they do but i will not let this computer win and i will stop him doing anything to it .
as to the letters i cant get them stopped but have decided to keep them for when the dust as settled i will no doubt get more this week as it is coming up to my little ones birthday its funny how you do become strong when we are put into situations hope you all have a nice day x
With me I burnt photos that had ex in. While I know he's the Father of my lot, he had a box of photos of him and the children which I thought he'd put into albums - or at least keep safe. When he moved from the house he rented after divorce, he left a load of stuff outside that he didn't want, and asked me to look through in case I wanted everthing.
Was raining when I got there. The box of photos were out in the rain. Photos of the children being ruined... That really, really shocked me. I left them but put a polythene bag over them. I took a clock too that belonged to his Granddad. I was so very fond of his Granddad. Luckily that worked...
Sorry, I'm going off topic here.
We do have a computer genius in Bubblegum, who may be able to suggest ways to delete the photos.
Virtual hugs for you Shaz...
You have been really busy though....well done...
evening all well i feel ok even though on the way to school my ex's new partner her ex was at the bottom of the road and stopped and chatted away to me asking me questions about my ex? asking does he see the kids and my ex is drinking alot and now they are having problems with the daughter like i want to know . he told me that they are out drinking partying and that they meet up at the gym and it had been going on for awhile and all i said was to him you know the best thing you can do is to get rid of her delete use the delete button on the computer get rid of her what you can see on there dont follow her on facebook because you carrying the bitter and the hatred and does us no good .
i felt ok in saying that it didnt bother me in seeing him i know he means me no harm just wish my ex would go away
ive had my hair done so its all coloured and cut agian feels good to treat myself
Oh Shaz 5, an indooe carboot sounds really good....Well, the thing is I think your emotions just go up and down anyway...I don't know what the time limit is....I'm getting anxiety attacks too...worrying about things, but I think that's just natural with what we are going through on a daily basis....after all, we are left with the pieces of our lives to try and get together again, as we don't seem to have the same capacity to just shrug things off, and tie them up nice and neatly in little boxes...
It's good too that you have your washing out...and yes, DO go to that GB meeting...don't let him think he's won anything...be strong, as we are with you in spirit!