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Hugs for you shaz5,
I'm sorry about your neighbour too....yes, it's always the good folk bad things seem to be happening to at the moment...weird.
I think you are doing so well, with everything that you're having to cope with at the moment...and I hope your mouth isn't too sore or hurting...
morning all thankyou for your replies i have rang the police yest and they cant help with his solic letter but she was nice with me and said that by now he will be getting worried and trying to get things sorted for the outcome of the court . as soon as 9 comes i will ring my divorce soilc and get help from her , i have made my mind up that my ex mother in law will not be the third party after she sent that text to my son stating that im to blame i feel she was way out of order and not stable to see the kids . i didnt think it would get this messy but in the end it will all come out in the wash as they say ! it is alot to deal with on top of normal things too , im trying to think of fri too much but by the way his solic as put in his letter my ex is willing to go to crown court andin doing so this means that my son will go too and be questioned . my ex must be in denial and a deep one at that too .
louise my counsellor as not said anything to me like that and i was worried as to why i was having flash backs of it . i know that it was wrong of him to do this he could ahve walked in the back to let off steam think im trying to understand him as to why he did this too me and why he had a affair but then why would i want to understand him ! people say its cause its in me my way im too kind and caring i like to take the blame but he choose this not me .
well got to clean the house to day got went mad yest cleaned under the kids bunks and went through toys got all my iroining done now got 2 lots of washing to do so there will be more joys :(
then i got the densit today what a exciting life i lead lol at the min im not scared of going what i will be like near the time i cant say ! if im not too bad after im thinking of cleaning the car and make a start with my son on his hoemwork as he as got tons . well least its dry cold but ok so washing will dry its windy too so will have to peg well hope everyone is well
Hi shaz5 good luck at the dentist today.
From a counselling point of view I can tell you that it is normal to have flashbacks of a traumatic experience, for the reasons I explained in the earlier post. One technique you can use to "ground" yourelf when they happen is to say out loud "My name is X, I am X years old, I live in X, I am safe and I am recovering from what has happened to me" If you can look in a mirror while you do this, then all to the good, If a bad dream happens about the experience then put a small light on and say the thing out loud but you will probably have to say it several times. Hope that helps 
Hi shaz5, if your divorce solicitor advises that your sons shouldn't be seeing your ex, may I ask why you are not taking this into account?
I know that you want them to have a postive relationship with their dad, but is he really a good person for them to have in their life. They are still young and need to know that you are on their side.
I said to the Courts - No Access - and my daughter then spoke with a CAFCAS officer. This was very difficult for her and the officer could see that she really was unsure about her father. You have to protect your boys and they need to see and know that you are the strong one here.
This is a very difficult time for you, I imagine your head is all over the place and that is understandable. I knew my ex wanted to see his daughter, but he really wasnt' going to be a good role model and I am so glad that he gave up on that one in the end.
Please really consider what messages you are sending your ex and your sons if you say that it is ok for him to have contact. I hate to add to this, but abusive ex partners often use contact time to continue to harass their ex partners.
On a different note, how was the dentist?
morning all i have just came off the phone to my solic and she says no contact so taht makes me feel better but he wont be happy bunny at all plus the courts are going to send him the divorce papers too by the end of this week or by mon next so taht wont please him at all . i got to say that with the divorce going through it as yet to sadden me . i have told my solic that i dont feel likehis mom shouldnt be the third party after she sent ben the text and she agreed .
anna thankyou i had not thought of what u have put i was just thinking how i was growing up no dad and i didnt want them to be like that . you are right i have to be strong but there are times when i dont feel strong like last night i had a cry . whilst there is a breathe in me i will protect my boys always ans your last point i never thought of that , and that is something i shall think of and put forward to my solic when it is over with or at the courts when we go for the case .
the densit was ok i wasnt as scared as i thought i would be but it still not nice i have had a temp crown on and its silver and i hate it i hate the feel of it and the taste in my mouth i got to go back in 2weeks and im not looking forward to it they said then i will be in the chair for 30mins then and that one wil be gold just hop ethe taste goes away as i hate this . he did say i had to be careful as it is only a temp one on and i had to watch what i ate lol i had a roast lamb tea last nite not the right thing to have i suppose he did say he knew what i was like and really didnt want to see me before the crown was ready whoops he means he will see me then lol
we carved out our pumpkins last night and lite them then it rained the kids did well and they fab off to the park in a min i think for abit its nice blowy but nice hope everyone is well
Hi shaz5, don't expect yourself to feel strong at all times,you will have up and down days, that is most certainly understandable. I think that you have shown huge inner strength, you are being consistent with your children and keeping them busy and doing 'your' things too.
If you didn't have divorce and court and contact issues and broken hand and horrible dentist stuff, then your life would feel very different. Don't be hard on yourself, crying is a good way to heal.
Have a great time at the park, it'll be good for the boys to run around in the wind and let off some steam, then you can come home and have a nice cosy evening 
Shame about the rain, but the pumpkins sound great Shaz....hope your mouth isn't too sore either...
Thinking of you...
Hi shaz
Hugs from me too, and glad that it sounds like things are getting there with the divorce.
I had a temporary crown, and really found that that what followed was ok. I'm terrified of dentists... I really hope you're not too sore today too.
Hope today is at least an ok one.
morning all still its dry outside off to cadbury world today with gingerbread so that be nice for us to go too and later the kids start their counselling . in away dreading that but not in another as they both need to go and get help. so a busy day ahead . i cant get on with this temp crown at all i hate the taste in my mouth but ha ho got to be done.
after ringing the solic yest i sat and told the boys what she said to see their faces was aq shock it was like they been told that we were rich i think the eldest was dreading seeing his dad but he seemed happy though with a tinge of saddness . took them to the park and there is anew bit where you pay and you do zip wires and climbing he went on it but cried when he got to the zip wire but he did do it after the third attempt so proud of him . when we were walking i asked him why was he crying he told me that he was not missing his dad(as i had asked him that) but he was missing a father figure . he told me his dad would never be his dad again and it would never be like it used to be and he didnt feel like he was his dad anymore . wow form a 10 year old that was strong words i felt but one i couldnt help with other than to say i loved him and tha his dad did love him in his way and that in time i may find someone new but as yet we are a tight loving family and are here for each other . god after that i felt like i wanted to cry and needed a hug but had to get on .
it wasnt good news for my neighbour either he as to go back on chemo so that saddened the day in away then they had some good news , one of their daughters is in las vegas for a holiday and she as got married there in the white chapel as she loves elvis . they were proud and delighted do that helped yest.
hope everyone has a lovely day
Hi shaz. You handled that conversation with your son really well. For a 10 year old, he certainly knows his own mind. One day he might change his mind regarding seeing his Dad, but for now you can all move on at your own steady pace. Hope it goes ok with the boys and the councelling. It'll be good for them to open up to someone other than you. Take care. xx
Hi shaz 5 have a brill time on the trip. Your boy is a very wise head on young shoulders and he will do great with the counsellor. Well done to you for how you handled it....I honestly wouldn't bother to mention their dad unless they do, and the reassurance you gave was spot on
My lot miss that too. They realise that their father has made choices... It's hard to see them sad though, isn't it?
I'm so sorry that your neighbour's not had good news. So glad they have their daughter to think about.
You take care.
xx
well counselling went ok but the shock was not the eldest not chatting but it was the youngest one he went quite and i think he even looked scared . when i put him to bed he cried alot and he said he missed a dad but wasnt sure if it was his dad he missed but then he said he wanted him back and we be like what we used too be like . i sat with him and talked said that ex had made his choice and taht was he didnt love me or wanted to be here any more as he was 7 i have not gone into much detail . it all tugs at the heart strings for me though seeing them like this .
the counselling well it was only the fiorst session and they have begun making scarpbooks what made them happy or sad didnt do much talking yet i thought they would ask them but may be they have to go different with kids . next week they are making angry and happy masks . i will have too see how it goes the school have been intouch with the counsellor some of the kids use and he is coming next week to see me il chat to him see what he can offer . this is all new to me well to us all the eldest was hoping that at the counselling there would be some more children there that been through what we have been through so he can talk to them . i have rang another group star support by us but i have not heard anything from them i was put down for the september meeting but nothing so i will have to try again as that was with other people who have similiar situations as us . why couldnt have he just left said he was unhappy and go not cause this tridal wave that he as and yet there is no light i can see as the case as yet to go to court , divorce going through though he didnt want one yet so that is not going to please him at all when he gets his papers ! i think i will feel more better if i knew about the house as i would like to go but this is the kids home and they feel safe here . i hope and pray that if ex loses job the soical will help me to stay here too much to get head round thats why i take each day as it comes and i suppose thats why i cant really feel normal again just yet
oh dear i have gone on again but this as helped me this site reading all your replies . well the weather here is not very nice rainning got to go food shopping . got a friend coming for tea tomoz then when we got to gingerbread i will take her home .
cadbury world was nice yesterday didnt get to go on the ride inside as we had to make a move on for conselling. we got 3 choc bars and a little cup of choc as we went round which was warm it was nice i was shocked to say that i thought you saw more of the factory but it was nice . little one was high with the choc he thought he was going to willy wonka factory but they enjoyed it which was more important .
Hi shaz. I guess it's a lot harder for your 6 year old to understand, but I think you're handling it really well. Hopefully for the older one, he will get a chance to perhaps speak to others in a similar position, as this could indeed help him with it all. Not sure how it works though. Willy Wonka factory sounds great hehe.
Glad the trip went well.
I think you will find that counselling usually means individual work with the children, and joining a support group will be a different sort of help. It sounds as if they are concentrating on building up activities with the boys so that they will have a way of expressing their feelings through the acitivities before they talk with them, and I think that is a good way to do it.
Hi shaz 5, it emotionally exhausting isn't it, but you are doing a grand job.
I am wondering if your son would be interested in this Womens Aid website for children - The Hideout or visiting Childline, they have forums for children to talk to one another and get peer support.
We went to Cadbury - oh blimey- about 10 years ago, but it was a great day out! Typical that the trip was on the same day as counselling, although it sounds as if you managed it all rather well!
Your youngest will be having lots of questions going round his head and I think as Louise says, only encourage conversation if he raises it, at the moment. Do you think the boys talk to each other about their dad?
hi anna i i have thought about these sites for my son and will look into it for him and chat to him about if he wants to go on them i think anything will help .
i think they have chatted to each other and i know that the youngest one follows what the other wants and says he is quite and clingy towards me . other than tellingthyem that they can talk to me cuddle them tell them that i love them and will always be there for them and that im not going to go away there is not much else i can say or do for them like us all time is going to be the best healer .
yes louise i think that they will build them up before they go on to what as happened . think my son would have liked to be around and face to face with other kids that have been in the same situtation as them but i will look into those links that anna as said
well the rain as not stopped today had to put the fire on its rather cold here nice in the kitchen as im cooking tea and watching over my son while he is doing his homework
hi well today is a tough day and im not sure how im feeling . ex goes to court yet i know that im going to crown court yet today im feeling nervous , scared and yet im not going today it wierd . trying to keep busy to keep my mind off thinking of it today stomach in pieces but there is no turning back now as for all who have been in a violent relationship i need to go through with this as it may help another person and it may put a top to him hitting his next girlfriend !
got a friend from school well we go back as nursery together coming later so im cooking tea then off to gingerbread let the kids let off steam there
least its dry here didnt stop rainning yest have a good day all
Hi shaz5 I am not surprised you feel jittery, it is a momentous day but it needed to come and let the law take its course. Glad you have some nice things arranged for later, you need to treat yourself today 
Hi shaz5, thinking of you today, yes it is an odd feeling and hopefully it will make a difference to his future relationships. Unfortunately I am unsure of leopards changing their spots, but hopefully it will give him food for thought at least.
Time really is the best healer and once this year is over, hopefully the healing will start to speed up a bit for both you and the boys.
Beautiful day here, crisp yet blue sky and sunshine, my favourite type of day :)
Have a good evening and weekend
morning all well im ok from yest im shocked and upset but ok just got to wait for the next stage . least my son was put back on bail and he went mad about that . the other son he can see but my divorce lawyer as said that she is not going to split the boys up as that is not fair on them . so is not going to be very happy with that at all and even more so if he gets the divorce papers this weekend . i feel that he will come for me as he may feel that he is going to loses everything anyway . that is how i feel and have dreamnt that he does show up and attacking me again . i know that i call the police and they will come . hopefully this is not needed but it is the way i am feeling at the min . well i can say that i really dont no this new ex of mine it is way out from the person i knew and loved , that person would not have behaved like this at all. but it is what he as choosen to do and he must lie with what he as done . they say that they do regret what they end up doing in the end i really hope for him that he does . it will be him that will miss out on the boys and for the way he as acted and acting they are going to not want him in their lives hope for his sake that they do , but i think of what my son saw and he saw his dad the figure he looked up too hitting me and the anger in him which was not nice . what gets you is that the ex still cant see what he as done wrong in all this and this is all my doing which i know not to be true . i may have been something to blame in the marriage break down but i know that if he had talked then we could have sorted it out what ever it was that he felt he had to go else where .
yes i know im no great beauty but im not a bad person or a horrible person for him to treat me like this . and anna you are right time is the best healer and hopefully in the new year we can turn a new leaf the boys and i x
well my friend came and we had a lovely afternoon and i cooked a nice tea and we went to gingerbread where the kids did pumpkins then ended up with teh bits form the pumpkin throwing at each other it was a mess and there were seeds everywhere but the kids all had fun and the room was soon but back lol
welll i hope everyone is well my little one as a very wobbly tooth and he says he may not be able to go swimming or school lol we are off in abit for their swimming lessons so hope everyone as a nice day x
Hi shaz5
Lots going on for you. I just wanted to clarify something: you said your son had been put on bail. Could you explain a bit more about that? or do you mean that as your ex is on bail he would be able to see your son? Sorry if I am being a bit slow to understand.
Hope you will have a good weekend, despite this, I know you are worried about how your ex will behave, make sure you keep the doors locked and bolted just to give you extra security and keep your phone with you, even at bedtime, and phone the police immediately if there is any trouble. He would be very silly to risk adding further to his charges but I want you feel as safe as you can
Thinking of you.
hi louise im sorry my ex is on bail and that means he is unable to talk , write, text or come anywhere near me nor is able to enter our road. now with my son he was allowed to see him but didnt do anything to see him till the week before court and now they have added him to the my ex's bail so is not allowed to see him , text , speak or go anywhere near my son as he is a witness to what he as done . this is what my ex went mad about in the court room not being able to see him . the other son the youngest , he is allowed to see him and ring etc but im not going to split the boys up as that would upset them . the eldest son he can write to him but only through his solic . in away this is good no contact till after the courts but in another sad that he as brought this on and it as had to come to this , and the kids can see this what on earth do they get their heads around it at the end of they day it is their dad but i know that my ex will and as been blaming me this as been all my doing . when they get to this and like he as told so many lies then they must believe in themselves as he cant remember what he as said . least we have some breathing space and we have to carry on with our lives and try to put the court thing to the back of our minds . this is not going to change my ex in anything he as done to us i feel once the trust as gone it would be very hard to bring it back and he as hit me before will he ever change ?
when i told me son that he wasnt able to see his dad again awhile he seemed to be happy relief hit his little face in away . im not sure what he is thinking as they wont say how they are feeling to me in detail , im suppose they dont want me to hear them as they see me in pain with it and try to keep it to themseleves , even though i have told them that they can talk to me . the youngest had a cry again last nite its so sad but all i can do his cuddle and kiss him. i wish my ex can see this but i think he would still say that this is me doing this , dont think he can belive in what he as done . do they ever themseleves get over it or do they carry on in their own little world beliving in only themselves ?
well i have some friends coming this morning this computer as to be worked on as my ex still as shared files somewhere in here that i cant find so he can get access to files in here , he can check the emails and he as set this up by his phone so i cant do anything to stop it . i try to do the updates and there is one that i cant do as it fails each time so i looked into it didnt understand it but i wrote it down and this is the shared file i think so they are going to help . once this is done he cant be able to get access just hope this and the divorce papers and the fact he cant see the boys wont tip him over and he go mad again . i have tried to look into the computer and i found things that i didnt even know we had set up in here and it was really upsetting so today needs to be done . the kids have karate then my friend is going to take the kids shopping to get me afew things for xmas otherwise i ownt have anything to open as friends we done buy gifts . i have made a start on presents but the thought of xmas is not going to be good but i will try to make it happy .
its not looking very nice out there today its time later to get things ready for school again though my youngest and i are not back to tues so we are off xmas shopping tomoz while the other one is back at school we had a ok day yest we made fairy cakes but i have come down with a horrible cough and cold so dont feel great so it will be a day to cuddle up on the sofa when my friends have gone i think may watch a film with the kids hope you all have a nice day too
Shaz5, you are so fab, you have had so much to deal with and stayed strong through it all, I am guessing for the sake of your lovely boys.
Thanks for explaining the bail thing to me 
Sorry to hear you have a cold and cough. WAAAAA! Look after yourself. What do you find helps when you have a cold? Inhaling? Lem Sip? Warm bath? Hot milk? Vitamin C?
As for Christmas, I think you could regard it as the super celebration of a milestone: you and your boys have come through such a traumatic experience and one day, when they are older, they will understand and thank you for everything you have done and are doing Take care.
thankyou louise i try to stay strong for the boys but there are days when i dont feel like i am and i do tell myself that there as to be light at the tunnel at some point there as to be . there have been days when this first happened that i asked myself why am i here and i did think of ending it but then that would make him win and it wouldnt be fair for the boys i think as my parents divorced too when i was young i really never wanted that for myself as it hurt me alot and i never wanted it for my boys i think or feel that i have failed them also i can hear my mom when she would say no you cant have that no you cant have the tv on no get another jumper on etc thats me and i get upset and cry when i say them it is hard but then i say this is his doing its the lies that hurt us more i think . its hard and i have to stay in there for the boys more than anything really x
I hope you're feeling a bit better today shaz.
There's no choice when staying strong for your children, is there? So hard though - and you're doing brilliantly.
I fancy making some fairy cakes today! And eating them while they're warm.
Keep warm.
xx
morning all my cough is not getting any better and now im suffering alot of heartburn :( i am already on acid tablets due to stress of ex ! but this is killing me now . dont yet fancy a trip to docs but it looks like i am going to have to book myself in. i got yet another full week . i have one son back at school and the little one not nor am i yet , we are back tomorrow so we are off xmas shopping today . tues im having my feet done that is something i have had to have done ever since i was little but it nice as i get pampered for abit . wed is physio and its not good there with the hand and then thurs the class i look after are going on a trip so they have asked me to go with them so that be nice to the safari park then fri i have the counsellor the school uses to come have a chat with me as the head as asked him to pop and see me with what as gone on so im worried as to what my son is like at school . i have been in and they say he is ok just quite . it cant do any harm in asking for advice i will tell him about the other counselling he may be able to go into school and see him there . before we know it will be the weekend again .
well i have got lots of sweets ready for the trick and treaters and we have yet had none just my luck . i hope you all have a nice day its dry at the min here but blowy . one son just woken up still looking half asleep and the other bouncing as he asnt got school great lol
Hi shaz5
yes a busy week ahead for you but what you are doing is providing a normal and stable environment for your boys, that's far more important than turning the heating up or material things.
Hope you enjoy your shopping and that your cough gets easier as you get up and about, go back to the doc if you still have a bad tummy, they can give you something stronger
Awww, sorry you're not feeling so good. A cough can be so tiring.
I hope you enjoy the shopping trip today.
It has stopped raining here, which is handy! My lot walk to school.
Eldest's car didn't start - and then did. Phew...
Hope you're ok shaz. You're an extremely strong woman, coping with everything that is going on, reassuring your boys etc. I do hope you start to feel better soon. Hope the trick or treaters call tonight. We too have bought sweets, and C has put some skeletons, spiders, bats etc on his window, with the pumpkin of course, so hopefully we too will have some. If not, I'll be eating the sweets myself, hehe.
Take care and keep warm.
morning all thankyou for all your replies it does mean alot . just wish i could feel that i am strong , i know i must but it doesnt seem to be going inot my head .
today seems to be the only day here that it is going to be dry so on with the washing machine . my little one starts football with the school tonight so i will be collecting him later . that be different as im normally there for him .
had a good day yest got afew little things but i was not good and i treated myself to a bag and a top which i could well not afford but when it comes to bags im really bad for them . little one enjoyed himself with me shopping . he was happy last night as they went trick and treating but i didnt go to far only by the ones by us but we had loads knock the door so he was really happy handing out sweets that we ran out of so had to raid the fridge lol i was up down like a yoyo and they wanted the pumkins relite every five mins but it made them happy so that was the best of it.
got work later oh joys see how well the class is today im missing my zumba class have not been for 3 weeks and im not feeling up to it tonight though a friend is having a physic night and as asked me to go along il see dark nights means snuggling up in pj on the sofa time :) i did see in primark yest for us all in ones fluffy suits i thought wow they would keep u warm in winter little one said babies wears things like that mommy he laughed his head off thinking i was going to get one !
well best be off try to get the kids up when we were on holiday the youngest one would be up like a flash now its school no in bed the other one he needs a bomb to wake him he is not a morning person at all.
Hi shaz5 hope your day goes well. My friend and her daughters all have those sleepsuits, they call them "one-sies" The only drawback would be when you wanted to go to the loo!
Glad you had a good Halloween, the kids love all the excitement and the more your boys see that things can be "normal" (dad or no dad) then they will gradually feel more settled.
Hi shaz, sorry I haven't popped in in a while...but I have read through your posts...I'm sorry it was a bit quick at Cadbury World( seems so long ago now)....but I agree with what the others have said...you might not feel as though you have been strong, but what you've had to go through...you really have been strong...and busy( my goodness you've a lot on)...
My daughter has a one-sie, and she said I should get one, but I agree with Luoise I'd be in and out of it all the time, and lose the benefit of the warmth...I'm thinking of perhaps trying to find a cheap fur throw on ebay,so at least i could pop it over my shoulders...
morning all i had a good laugh last night as i did go to my friends and there was afew of us and we did up having a laugh so i was pleased i went .work was ok for me my class behaved well so that was a bonus !
my little one stayed on after school for football and he really enjoyed himself was full of it when he came out . and i allowed the eldest one to come home on his own too which is something i have never done . he rode his bike to school and back and bless him he came home straight away , first words out of his mouth was " did i do ok ? i came home and i never stopped or talked to anyone " then gave me a hug he looked alittle scared as that was a big thing to come home from school on his own loads do it and it gets him ready for big school . i was so proud of him .
this morning my little one woke up and his tooth as fallen out he looks so funny but he is so happy tooth fairy will be busy tonite
i wont be buying one of them one-sies as i would struggle for the loo knowing me
kids have counselling again today and i have physio
Hi shaz 5,
You are doing so much for your boys, keeping things 'normal' along with everything else, I was pleased to read that your bag fetish overtook the xmas shopping and you treated yourself - You Deserve It!
Well done to your lad too! I let my daughter walk to school in Year 6. At first I was so apprehensive, as she had to cross a main road and it was a 25min walk. But after a couple of weeks, she was confident and I loved it!
Don't forget the tooth fairy tonight! Have you set a reminder on your phone?! I forgot once for 2 nights in a row and had to make up some ridiculous story about the fairies being busy etc!
I hope the boys counselling goes well for them today and your physio, fingers crossed that your hand won't need that operation.
thanks anna i really do like bags lol got loads not shoes though my little one found it and said go on buy it so i did and love it xx
no i will remember the tooth fairy if i forgot he would take it to heart .
physio was not good , i have not got much strength in that hand i can move it but they were not happy with it . they talked what they could do it they operated on it , i know if it ends up operated on then for my ex in court it wont be good news for him but it was all his doing . today i think the kids are doing angry masks and sad ones so i hope that they get on ok with it tonight . even though they talked of a op that they could do have not said yet for sure i was ok with it least the pain will go and for that il be happy as its a dull ache all the time
Sorry to hear that the physio wasn't great shaz...but I hope it goes well for the kids tonight...
well im off to the safari park today wish i could find my ear plugs im going to need them for the coach !!!least for now it is dry. got the kids sorted for being picked up one is coming home on own and to neighbours the other one is to his friends then it ia a mad dash to get them feed them then off to beavers and cubs i need to be superwomen tonight .
it was hard at last nights counselling many tears . we did masks and painted them as we were feeling .
i did my face into 2 one side being sad and that when i cry and the other being happy when the sun is shining and flowers and that is where i want to be all the time . the youngest painted his red and blue and he wanted to be happy and calm . teh oldest painted his all different colours red - anger his dad blue - sad crying his dad green- calm - pink- being loved and caring meaning me and yellow - being unconsious where he cant feel any pain when he is alseep .
when we were talking he cried well he broke down into my lap sobbing i had to take him out to the toilet where he punched the door . he said he cant go in cant do this he hates the way he feels! i sadi i know how he was feeling that is why this will be good for us all as a family so we can move on and be happy again . i got him to go in said this is normal for him to feel like this and it was good for him to cry and to let it out that is why we are here to do this . crying is good and good to do. they had to write what made them happy and sad and angry and then what made me sad and happy and angary and the sad and angry was all their dad on both . but both wouldnt say what it was about their dad that made them this way.
the eldest wouldnt and said he didnt want to talk . he didnt talk to cams , social worker but he did feel he could open up to the police , its a pity that she could be the one to talk to him as he felt ok with her . the counselling is set till feb just hope that he will say what it is about his dad that is making him angry . the other one just goes wide eyed and quite if you say his dad .
i have said that it is good to cry for us all to cry it helps and there are cuddles after for us . i knew that it would be hard but i didnt think it was going to be this hard , to see them like this and i cant say or even show my ex this or to let him see their pain in their eyes , to see them crying to let him see the anger . when he was coming i did say talk to them ask them how they are but he said when they want to talk they can . if they did moan to me about him i would say tell him when he comes but when he did they never did say anything and then he say what is my problem turn it to me then i would feel anger . i did ask them why they didnt tell him they said they were scared specially the older one he thought if he did tell him he would get mad and hit me again .
i have got the counsellor that the school uses coming to see me and to talk. now i will see and talk to him see if he can offer anthing i wnat what is best but i dont want to over load my son ! i just want him to be himself again it wont do any harm in talking to him as he goes into the school the head as talked to him so is my son showing any signs there i know he is quite and often tries not to go out to play i found out. i have been told that there will be sessions when the kids will do one on one counselling and i think that would help
god if only they knew what they cause when they go off i hope she is worth this pain
he as got up ok this morning seems ok quite so im not going to push him let him come around and out of this himself
You are doing the right thing, and although you talk about the pain in your sons' eyes, dealing with it NOW is totally the right way to go and will save him years of heartache and soul searching in the future. Well done, shaz5, it is not easy.
Sorry about the physio, poor you , hope you survive the safari park trip today!
well i came through the trip lol least we didnt have the down pour they had here it did rain but not taht heavy . it was loud all i can say and yes tablets were needed when i got home and i slept well :) when we got into the wolves bit the guide told the kids to houl like a wolf so you can imagine the noise :0 but it was good and one of the kids in my group got to go on stage and kiss a sea lion and feed fish well he then wiped his hands inside his coat needless to say he didnt sit by me on the way back !!
my son came home ok on his own and then with out me asking did his homework so i was really pleased and now he as nothing to do over the weekend . he went to cubs last nite and got hit on the nose and as chipped a tooth so i got to phone the densit and his nose is swollen abit today but he did come home with a trophy to look after for afew weeks.
got the school counsellor coming today il see what he says and see what he can offer for the the eldest you are right louise even though it is hard now going through counselling it will be the best thing rather than leaving it till later when he is older .
WOW that was a busy day. EURGH don't like the idea of kissing a sea lion! Hope your son's tooth is Ok.
Good luck with the counsellor
evening i was really pleased to chat to the school counsellor he was really helpful and though he is not going to impress any more on my son he is going to chat and see him to see what else he can proved and he will chat to the police to let them know that he is on board . he is going to see if there any groups where we can go and my son can chat to other kids that have been through what he as . by what he was saying for my son this could take years but im doing the right thing now for him rather than when is older in all it was a good meeting.
had a shock today this morning my son's school sent a text saying he was not in , well after screaming i rang them as i knew he was there as i took him in . when i rang it was a error they sent the wrong text god my heart sank as i thought may be my ex had come and taken him or he had ran out of school , i cant say what was running in my head they did say sorry and sent out a news letter saying they were sorry
I've had the text to say one wasn't in school (there are three there) and was frantic until they found out which one it was as it might have been the fifteen year old.
I'm sorry your hand's not so good.
You're doing brilliantly, you know. It's such hard going for you... Loads of hugs shaz
Glad the counsellor was helpful
How dreadful about the wrong message from the school. I do understand how you felt as during a particular "crisis point" with my boys' dad there were a few shenanigans with the school and I ended up having to leave work a couple of times because of his antics, and come and see to things, that awful panic that sweeps over you....
Hope you can put it behind you and have a good weekend!
morning all hope everyone if they are going to a bonfire have a nice safe time xx
off too see family today for the afternoon so that be nice. kids have swimming lessons soon then got to the library .
yes after the shock text yest im ok x
You have had a really busy time shaz, and I think you are doing great!
Hugs xx
morning all i have not had a really good weekend , went to see family sat afternoon and had a cry there . my son bumped his head before we went and that sent him crying and saying he sorry and that he loved me and didnt want me to go etc. saturday night ii didnt fancy going to a bonfire as it is where we used to go as a family it was too much for me then i spent the night upset as i felt id let the boys down .
sunday i woke up with a really bad head and was not in a good mood . jobs dont stop even if you dont want to do them or can face them . i had loads of ironing to do and washing and i even managed to cut the grass not good cut but least it helps to keep it down. but the main problems for me was my hand it as killed me so much that i cant wait for thursday to see the doc over it again . but i have to do the jobs as i have no one else so have been on alot of painkillers this weekend . again very tearful yest and over whelming feeling of being alone which i felt hard . youngest went to bed crying again over the whole thing with his dad which is upsetting to deal with as itys hard enough for me to deal with but i have to deal with them and their feelings too .
well at the densit today for the proper crown to be fitted got to go to the docs as i think they have given me the wrong hrt tablets unless they have changed colour but i will check to be sure before i take them .
i hope everyone is well and had good bonfire nights the fireworks seem to be getting louder each year
Hi shaz5
Sounds like a lot of emotional stuff is coming to the surface....you will have periods like that (and, talking of periods I do believe that emotions are very heavily influenced by hormones). Just be kind to yourself, say "tomorrow is another day" and move forward. I agree it is extra pressure for you to look after yourself emotionally as well as the boys, all lone parents face that but with what has happened to you, this is even more so. Do talk to your counsellor about it all.
The other thing I wanted to say to you is cut yourself a bit of slack. Yes, I know ther is no-one else to do the jobs but some thiongs can wait. it is not the end of the worlkd if the grass is a bit long or the ironing is not done. As long as you are all fed and clean that everything else is an extra
Hope the dentist trip goes Ok today
Awww shaz, thinking of you.