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Oh Louise - your post made me laugh - what a wonderful person you are and so full of good advice and comments - thank you 
Hope you have a great day - think I will print your post and put on my mirror to read everyday!
HOORAY TO THAT!
I had also forgotten about the Meetups thing - I think you posted me a link a while ago or perhaps it was another thread - I am just looking in my area - ooh getting palpatations thinking about meeting new people - hope I am not too old
No, my friend goes and she is our age 
Too old at our age lrh? Shame on you girl for thinking that You go and have a fab time, and meet lots of new people at the same time. Your spa day sounded lovely. Sorry the 'idiot' spoiled things a bit, but you handled that well. Good for you. Hope your youngest enjoyed the sleepover. Sounds like a nice evening that you had with eldest, and a day of shopping with the girls today? Have lots of fun, and don't overspend!!
oh dear - it has gone pear shaped - received solicitors letter from the idiots solicitor telling me we need a separation agreement and i should get a solicitor.
Eldest didn't want to go out after all
Feeling like hell now
Oh lrh, sorry your day has been spoiled. Try not to let the letter get you down. Do you have a solicitor in mind? Now the shopping spree is off, have you anything else planned? Perhaps a chilling afternoon, curled up on the settee watching a DVD with the girls? Hope you're okay. xx
I have had two different opinions - one friend who replied to her letter saying she couldn't afford a solicitor as this time and emailed her requests and another one who has ended up spending a fortune on solicitors fees - I think if he wants to do this he should pay for my solicitor, but then I am tempted to ask him to tell me exactly what he wants - I think he wants out of the house/mortgage so he can get a new mortgage - all I know is I can't take on the mortgage and there is not enough equity in the house for me to start again. Feeling so low - how could he treat me this way - not even have the b*lls to tell me that he was going to be sending me a letter - oh that's right - he is the idiot - that's why
Hi LRH
Well as you say it depends what the separation agreement is going to entail. If it is "just" an acknowledgment that you are separated (say for the purposes of recording the separation so that you can get a divorce two years later) then maybe that it Ok to do on you own. However, if it is going to involve finances, such as arrangements for the house then you DO need legal advice. Don't forget we have our own Legal Adviser on here to start with once you have more details.
Sadly the process of separation/divorce WILL involve these ups and downs and it is about doing your best to take them in your stride. Difficult when there is adrenalin rushing round your body. Don't forget to praise yourself with everything you accomplish/deal with
Lrh, I don't have any knowledge of these things, having never been in your situation, but I just wanted to say, stay strong, take the advice of others here that have been in similar situations, and you'll be absolutely fine. You're a strong lady. Take it one step at a time. xx
Loads of hugs lrh
Hi lrh glad to hear your feeling back on track, i went to town with my girls on Saturday too, we went to get some new books and then went for coffee and cake and a read
Hi girls, Sally W I think you missed a page of reading when you posted your message! Although I am hoping that LRH is feeling better again today.
LRH it really is worth going and seeing a solicitor if possible. At least for your free half an hour initial consultation.
Do you not think that you are entitled to Legal Aid?
I am so confused - i emailed your legal expert and she suggests I tell him to pay for my solicitors fees - I really don't know if I qualify for legal aid as I have some savings - it is such a minefield - anyway I have emailed the idiot and told him I am not seeing a solicitor and to contact me with proposals - I have an appointment at the bank tomorrow to see if there is any chance i can get a mortgage - doubtful but you never know,
I could put money on the fact that he wants out of the mortgage completely and for me to take it on or he wants to sell - I am not sure of the implications if he takes his name off the mortgage - I presume we would then have to sell when kids are older etc - my head is spinning but I am going to wait to see what he comes up with because until I know what he is thinking I don't know where I am going with it - either way he is a complete coward as he could have talked to me and told me what he was thinking - perhaps then I could have got some legal advice.
lrh, good idea to wait and see what he comes up. Like you say, until you know what it is he wants etc, there's no point worrying about it. Good luck at the bank, my fingers and toes are crossed for you. Whatever happens, you'll still have the girls and fluffy things.
Thanks hazeleyes - sorry I haven't been keeping up with your news or sparklinglime - bit one dimensional at the moment but i appreciate your support x
lrh, good luck with the bank hope all goes well, how are your new additions to the family getting on?
I have just had a free consultation at the solicitors and it is wortwhile, might be better off to wait and see what the idiot has to say/offer first. At least you can take advice on whatever he is offering etc.
Good luck and here's wishing you all the best
aah thanks guys - you always make me feel better - fluffy things are completely mental - i leave lounge door open during the day and they charge up and down the stairs - i have bought them a play tunnel and it is hilarious watching them dive in and out of it - the house really is alive again.
thanks for the good wishes for the bank - i have some specific problems with taking on the mortgage due to my employment but i really don't know if the idiot wants to sell or just get me to take over the mortgage - but either way it is unlikely i can do either. I know your situation is tricky too dexter so i thank you for taking time to offer your support - i feel like i am only thinking of myself at the moment and not much good supporting others
lrh, don't worry...we are all in the same boat so to speak.It is good to take some time to think of yourself and sometimes is the only way to get through the day.
We all support each other when and where we can...found myself in the same situation many times this year. You have been great support for me over the last few months and it has been appreciated...always here if you need a rant!
Great to hear the fluffy things are doing well, sounds like a fun lively house at the moment. Might even consider getting a couple of our own when we eventually move, my daughter would love them..we have always had cat's in the past but lost the last two a couple of years ago...then along came the puppies (the ex has taken them now) got very attached to one of them after not really liking dog's, he used to follow me everywhere and a great companion..do miss him.(hence the name Dexter)
Let us know how you get on......give the fluffys a tickle under the chin from me.
Glad the fluffy wuffy things are making you smile.
Sorry for short post, but things seem so hectic at the mo,.
Hope you're ok too dexter
Don't want to post too much detail about my visit to bank in case the idiot or VEW go on these forums!
The bottom line is that although I could borrow some money I know that I cannot take on a mortgage because of my job situation and if I lost my job I would also lose my home - I am pretty sure he wants to sell the house anyway. The small amount of equity would get me a deposit but I would not be in a position to buy as they bank cannot lend me enough money but also as I say I would be homeless if my contract came to an end (very likely) At first I was very upset thinking how dare he put us in this position, but I have made a call to a housing association who are going to send me details to register and in the meantime I will wait for his solicitors letter to see how low he want to go!
I also have a query - Its a bit complicated so will use Question A,B and C to make it clearer! I emailed your legal expert last week with Question A and got no reply. On Saturday I emailed Question B and got a prompt reply. I re-sent Question A again and at the same time emailed her Question C regarding the answer she gave to Question B. I received a reply to Question C but still no reply to Question A (are you still with me!)
I don't really understand why I haven't received a reply to Question A - can anyone help?
Hi LRH, hmmm, I am not sure why you have not received an answer to Question A, I will get on to it tomorrow and see what has gone on there.
You might also be interested in contacing our Housing Expert? Or visiting the Shelter website, that has lots of useful info on options for homeowners.
Well done for contacting the Housing Association, one step forward
Thanks Anna - very puzzling over the questions issue - I have always received very prompt responses and am very impressed with the service.
I have contacted a solicitor and they told me to wait for the letter from the idiot and then contact them again
Hi lrh,
Sorry to hear about the news from the bank,must be a huge worry not knowing if your contract will be terminated or renewed etc. I do feel for you at the moment, just need to enjoy your time with your daughters and fluffy additions.
Enjoy the rest of your time off if you can...shame the sunshine has gone though
Thanks Dexter - I will try although I am now thinking that fluffy things will have to go if we end up in housing association.
Even if my contract is renewed it will still only be a temporary contract and as I have found out this year, hours can be removed so it won't change my ability to borrow because I couldn't take on a mortgage in case I lost my hours.
lrh, couldn't you take the fluffy things with you if you had to move? What is the job that you do? I know it's hard, but can you not try and find another position? Hope you have a good day today with your friend.
Hi Dexter, how are you?
So many jobs are like that now, LRH. The only reason I was able to take on a mortgage on my own was that my dad did a guarantee for me after my divorce. However, when he got cancer I wanted that cancelled as I did not want my mum worrying about it, luckily by then (three years later) I had got another (better) job and I switched the mortgage to another lender who would give me the amount.
You do have another option to consider, and that is private rented where you may be able to keep your kittens.
I thought I would have to re-home my two small dogs, but HA was fine about them being here...
Thanks everyone - you are all so positive - I guess the other thing I am thinking is that what we could afford would be so much smaller and maybe not enough room for fluffy things
I will give you a laugh though - got up the other morning - fluffy things get shut in kitchen/dining room at night - found a packet of cheese and onion crisps opened and munched on the work top
Since then I have been careful but went shopping yesterday and left a packet of brioche on the work top
yes you have guessed it - nibbled and munched!
Bet you didn't know fluffy things liked cheese and onion crisps and brioche
Ha ha, my fluffy thing will only eat her own dry food, I have tried salmon for treats and ham, but no, not for my girl...oh I lie, she does like to lick a twiglet if the occasion should arise! Funny creatures.
Littleredhen, try not to worry about the 'what ifs', your local Housing Association might have a Victorian property vacant with huge rooms, you just never know. Worrying is wasted energy, you will deal with situation as it arises. Remember small steps and take each day as it comes.
Oh Ann a - I love twiglets!
There wouldn't be any left in my house for her
Thanks for the advice - you are right about the worrying - what am I thinking - I must stop it and enjoy the holidays
Beautiful sunny day - the snow has all gone - thinking of a bike ride today to get rid of that negative energy
Snow didn't last long did it!! I have ben getting the impression from the media that we are all to be snowed in forever more - we have yet to see any!
Bike ride sounds great littleredhen, break out those happy hormones Do you have a route that you go on or do you ride where the bike takes you?
Hi Anna - forgot about those happy hormones!
We are a bit hilly round here so we go on an old railway track for just under 5 miles (10 there and back
)
youngest has invited two of her friends so better go and get dressed!
Have a good day everyone
Enjoy your bike ride lrh
Have a great day, bike ride in the sunshine sounds great
We had a great bike ride - took a picnic (well bought sandwiches from a local shop)
It was beautiful sunshine but freezing cold - came back here and had hot chocolate - it was fab.
Unfortunately had another letter from the idiots solicitor which is all set to hack me off but I am trying not to let it!
What you up to Dexter
Deep breaths, LRH.
Sunny and cold here and off out and about soon. Son has a cold and I am hoping not to catch his germs
Phoned Samaritans and had a good cry
Remember to tell your son to put vapour rub on his feet at bedtime to help his cold
lrh, BIG HUG from me...great to hear you had a good bike ride,just try and keep your spirits up,i know its hard but don't let things like this ruin your Easter break.
Not up to much this weekend, was planning on going camping for the weekend with daughter and family but the weather has put paid to that.Unable to get motivated to do any jobs on the house so will try and spend some quality time with my daughter.
The good cry would have been very therapeutic, LRH, all those stress hormones got rid of.
Yes thanks for the reminder about that health tip, not sure if I have any vapour rub in but will have a rummage this morning
Are you feeling a bit brighter today?
Not sure really - I think the holidays started with vigour and lots of ideas but I am starting to feel a bit lonely and in need of adult company but I don't have anything planned with other adults
Its making me worry about the long summer holidays
Can you ring an adult friend today lrh, and see what they're up too? Don't be worrying about the Summer Hols just yet though, plenty of time to plan for that.
I am in the same situation as most and my friends are all married - one in particular her husband is home a week and away a week and this week he is home. My other friend is having family this Easter.
Have invited my mum for Easter Sunday lunch but it feels so far away - kids seem a bit lethargic too!
Think we might hit the shops tomorrow and the lunch out courtesy of Tesco vouchers - feeling really low today though
Hope morning has improved things for you, LRH. I have just me and son for Easter Sunday and heaven knows what foul plans he may have with friends anyway I have no family coming, my sister lives many miles away and no parents. I do think one of the biggest challenges facing single parents is learning to be happy in our own company, after all we are used to sharing our lives with someone (although maybe feeling disgruntled at that time that we never got any time to ourselves!) I met a married friend yesterday for a coffee and she said how brilliant it was to have some time alone, as she did not get enough. The grass may be greener..... Maybe your friend with the partner away alternate weeks has the ideal solution?
That's where I'm lucky I guess. It's always a house full here...
Would be nice to have a posh hot chocolate though...
Thanks - I think I just feel a bit cross that the responsibility is all with me - having said that he may regret going to a solicitor because if I have my way he will be taking the kids a lot more than he does currently
Looking at meetups and seeing if I can tie joining a group and going out to coincide with one
Sounds like a rollercoaster week for you LRH. Glad your fluffy ones are settling in and even though your children's dad upset you on the phone it seems you dealt with it assertively, well done.
Self-compassion is indeed a good phrase and you know that when you chat to others on this board you are always supportive and creative and I wonder how easy/hard it would be to talk to yourself in the same way? I know that when we are in the middle of something ourselves it is hard to see the wood for the trees but worth a thought?
Have a good time today and YEY for the holidays, even with sleet!