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Yes I bet there are loads of woman, I know x
I'm not one of those woman my story doesn't end with being free, dealing with all his shit on a daily basis Iv had enough Iv just had enough
I want him to carry out his threats I wish he'd hurry up I'm sick of waiting the anticipation for it's just undescribable living in this much fear is wearing now
Just thought I would say hello and see how you were doing?? Couldnt find the threads to previous discussions and been busy - hence being quiet. Hope you okay. Your ex (like mine) is sick. Wants to get at you but does not realise full extent of impact on kids - guess it is selfish really. However he will grow up in time and realise the errors of his ways. Its a shame we have no control over when this will happen though!!!. Take care and try to keep smiling. You will get through it!!! 
You can't believe there will ever be a happy ending for you and yet THERE CAN. You are in the darkest, the very darkest bit of the tunnel right now. Hang on, things are going to start improving pretty soon now. I know that is VERY hard to believe..but this time mext year you will so not believe the difference to your life. We are all thinking of you and care about you and wish so much we could speed up the process of recovery for you.
I'm not I'm done with it all
Not sure what you mean by that but just found this and hopefully it might lift you from the way u r feeling. Be strong and the eventual rewards will be worth it. Enjoy the following hopefully
WHY GOD MADE MUMS Answers given by 2nd year school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the selotape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mum like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.. They say she used to be nice.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least 1 million a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such an idiot.
2.. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between mums and dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Mums have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
.
tears fall
Hearts ace
Release intense
Bruises sick
Ears deaf
Heads turned
Blood runs
Pain hurts
Cuts trick
Deaths door
Grasps afix
Hi Imdoingthis, you really have a gift for the words you are writing, they are very emotive. Are you keeping them all? Do you have a notebook to keep them in? If not, then that could be something 'nice' to do for yourself.
How is the Freedom Programme going? What day is it on?
How is the non-drinking going? How are the children? How come you took the children over to your ex's?
Hi I'm not writing stuff then posting it I was just writing down how I felt, I know it's all crap but it's crap poored out not locked away.
Freedom p is Tuesday's, I like it because I relate so much to it all it's off this week staff meetings
Drinking no comment.
It's in the order I take them to him
Sham he don't know how to give em back.
The dc don't want to go to him x
Thanks too all Charlie for your post it's lovely x
Not ignoring you just finding it hard, still reading and getting support from what you write.
Well Imdoingthis, I think you have a special talent there, if you are not spending hours trying to think of the right words and put them into sentences.
What do you think of buying yourself a notebook that you love the look of, then copying the ones you have written here into it?
Oh and it is not crap, it is very insightful. You have been through a lot of emotional trauma and it is really good to express it.
I know we keep saying it, but keep going one day at a time, or half a day at a time. We can become consumed with lots of negative thoughts, but remember they are only thoughts. Focus on reality. You are finding a new way of being.
Sorry to hear that the FP is cancelled tomorrow, that is disappointing, but perhaps you could do something else during that time that is positive for you??
Hi Imdoingthis, glad if some of what I write is helpful. I have just got back from Citizens Advice this morning and my head is all fuddled. Dont get me wrong the woman I dealt with was lovely but in terms of practical help this morning she could give me nothing. However, they did ask me to get back in touch with them when CSA review has been heard. I am still in the throes of life can be very unfair at times. Which is not rocket science - we all know it can be unfair but it does not help with the self pity I feel. Am going to do my best to do some work and channel my energies that way - if I can. However, I understand that sometimes you dont always know how to respond. Think I would struggle too if I was in your shoes!! Sometimes I am trying to help you in order to help myself if that makes sense!? We can all help keep each others moods positive - hence the jokes. I try to laugh otherwise I know I would cry and I dont like the depression that can take me into. I found myself close to tears several times whilst at CAB. I have tried to put my daughter first and had it thrown back in my face and that hurts. I found myself telling the lady at CAB how my dad was a complete arse and I was desparately trying to stop history from repeating itself for my daughters sake and I seem powerless to prevent it!! Bloody frustrating. I also told her how my dad had been murdered when I was about 18 and that brought up emotions that I thought I had dealt with long ago. Talk about being like an onion!! All these layers we keep peeling off. Its funny that you get through these times - which you are capable of - but sometimes the emotions run very deep. Again you/me/all have to learn how to deal with them. Ho hum - the joys of life etc!!! Still I have found many things over the years to help me focus on and life can be bloody good fun - at times!!! Guess we both in a space we would rather not be in at the moment but we can get through it. Take care :-) x
Thanks all Charlie I'm not to talkative right now but I'm taking it all in.
I know I shouldn't be like this
When I close my eyes it's just so piecefull I have no way out of this trapped trapped trapped every doors locked except one
It's just never gonna stop
hi hun how are u, daft question i no, i dont no wot to say really,please pklease dont av this man back, u wil end up alot worse off, believe me i no,even tho im dealin with aftermath of myevil exs crap he as left behind, at least i dont see him anymore and he does leav eme alone ,well apart from himdragin me thru court, wish i cud move away miles away, wot bout refuge again, u and ur kids away from this man,x
Thoughts with you both. Take care 
Hi Imdoingthis have been thinking of you all weekend, and i am sorry to come back and hear your still not feeling any better, sending you a lot of hugs.
What are you going to do tomorrow?
PS your poems are great.
Tattoos on her skin
Just where does she begin
To unravel the truth
Her mind in a spin
Her eyes the key
To A window inside
To the pain she's in
It's proof on her skin
Past present future to hold
He targeted her to mold
So young to begin
A journey led by him
Like a cat in headlights
She's taken by delight
At his charm his hold
She believes what she's told
How could this be
His fist as cold as he
No thought for her pain
His angers insain
Her view clear as day
Her tinted glasses fell away
She sees all he is
A man you say?
What me... a woman is your pray?
His toutch his kiss
His hand his lips
Warm and firm
He makes her squirm
The fake smiles a cover
She freezes she shudders
That bed she's in
Its a book of sin
A story of rape
How could he take
From this inisent girl
Her voice her hope
Her body lay cold
Drugged she has no control
Pain tears blood
Her abusers no remorse
It forses her hand
To much to withstand
It's over it's the end
guns in her hand
Trigger she pulls ...
Her pain to an end
His weapon of fright
In the end saves her tonight
No more pain no more
Is any of the pain ever going away
I'm sorry I wont post any more crap
It's my best way to get across how I'm feeling x
Hello I'm doing this,
It is not crap at all, I love to read your poems. Thank you for posting them, please keep doing it, and are you finding it is a good way to get things out?
Hope you can gather some comfort and strength from all of us, we all care about you and want to support you through this dark tunnel.
So no FP today, what are you doing instead?
I carnt post freely on here now either
Getting more sufercated
I'm trapped suffocated
No one truly knows
This is going to end badly I know it
This was my only outlet and now that's been taken away
What did I do wrong so f***ing upset So no one really gives a shit I carnt even put into words what this has done to me Omg I carnt bare tonight the one place I could vent freely No wonder men like him get an easy ride in still controlling us Why won't he kill me put me out my misery
hiya hun aw u sound like ur reeally in a bad place wish i was there with u comfortiung u, i really do, wot is it tht is appenin, wot is ur ex doin, why cant he leave u hell alone, and he needs bloody killin not uxx
Kiera , glad your still there for me , I might not answer you but I'm reading what you write so keep posting for me please.
He said he's going to smother me, it's not like that he's kust saying it He don't mean I'm crapping myself he turn up here
hun u must ring the police end of, u must, espec he as the kids with him and he bloody threatenin u, its awful, he needs lockin up, u left to get away from him yet u are stil in hell, u shud grab ur kids and go to a refuge,xx
u need to report him i no its not easy but if u dont he wil just get away with everythiun he needs lockin up,xx
I'm doing this, kiera is right, you must ring the police if you are being threatened like this
hi im doing this how are u today, please reply so i no u are well ok hun, im thinkin of u, xxx
I had this
Now that's gone
Now I have nothing
Just confirms my doubts a bit more.
I'm not calling the police no one will believe me, what hes had his hands round your kneck again no one ever belives me.
hi hun why wud police not believe u, god i av rang police quite few tyms cos i was scared of my ex who wudnt leave and he didnt put hjis hands on me, just intimidation, but add my kids think bout, u av ur kids think bout, think bout them hun, ur ex the father of ur kdis is dangerous do u want ur kids with dangerous man, u need report him, try it, see wot append, the police take dv very seriously alryt u get sum police tht are patronisin but police av a job to do, if u just dont report anythin yes u dont stand a chance, ur kids need a mum not 1 6feet under please plaese read wot i say to u, iav bin there and dun tht .x
I'mdoingthis, kiera is absolutely right, you must call the police, hound them if you must, they need to know how serious this is for you.
(Hi kiera, I hope you don't mind me saying this) but I remember when kiera said on these boards that she didn't trust the police and wouldn't call them if necessary. Then the moment arose and she dug deep down and got herself safely from the situation and made that call and from then on in, things have progressed.
Are you saying that your ex has been physical again with you?
I got so much out of writing on these boards
It kept me going
Now I have nothing NOTHING no one to talk to no one to help
My problems got ten million times worse
Imdoingthis, you mentioned before that you thought your ex was looking at the boards, do you know that this is true?
Please call Womens Aid helpline they are open 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247 if you want to talk to someone. It is soooo important that you reach out to everybody - professional or otherwise to get you through this.
You don't have to be alone with this. It is important for your own mental health and wellbeing that you don't let this sink you.
Hi Imdoingthis,
I must admit I am a bit confused as to why u dont feel u can post on here. Maybe I have missed something. You can get through this. Be strong. Am a bit busy at mo, but read something y'day that I thought was applicable to you and I will try and post soon.
Take care
Hi Imdoingthis. You have to record what he saying somehow, the threats he is making, and report him (even if you haven't recorded it) Make notes of everything too. If you think he is on the boards, e.mail Louise or Anna, and let them know what the name is that you think he is using. Hopefully they can look into it.
Please don't think you're alone, we're all here to listen. I know at the end of the day, you feel on your own, but ring the Samaritans or WA, and sound off to them. MAKE someone listen to you, and what this man is doing to you.
this has sunk me
All charlie let's say that I'm not anonymous anymore.
This has done me this has tipped the scales
hi hun so ur ex is onthese boards postin in a different name, x
If he's on these boards It wouldn't surprise me he's stalked me online before. The issue is agencies are aware of what I'm writing and know who I am. So now I carnt gain support from these boards, post freely as I was. Along with the fact he's scaring the shit out of me, he's got worse and had his hands on me again. I have no choice but to f*** off and stop posting So please don't suggest to me that I'm not alone because I quite clearly am, and the actions of one space have isolated me more. This has lead to me indulging in activities that i now regret.
Double post
So basically I'm f***ed off because everyone on here was keeping me afloat now someone thought it a good idea to pop my armbands. I was gaining so much from all the posts from everyone. I'm that upset Iv cried most of today, that's how much it's tipped my scales.
I'm confused. What to do you mean, someone on here has popped your armbands? Also what actions on One Space have isolated you more? Please try and explain this Imdoingthis.
Hmmmm tricky one. What makes u think your cover is blown?? What has he said/done to make you think this? Also why do think 'agencies' know who u are/ what u r writing?? You are being a bit too cryptic to fully understand and my initial thoughts if agencies were seeing what I had written is 'this is a woman who is extremely scared of her ex and needs help', which would not be a bad thing for you!? Also from what I have seen of agencies (on the whole) they are quite sensible and unlikely to use your ramblings (no offence meant) against you. Take care
It also appears from what you're saying, that One Space have contacted agencies, and told them what you've been saying. If this is true, and I'm reading it correctly, then 'they' are obviously extremely worried about you and your safety.
hi im confused aw wel lwho as popped ur armbands, who?
so u mean one space are tht concerned for ur saftey tht they av mentioned u to agencies, so u now feel betrayedxxaw hun, ope u do keep postin i am extremly worreid for u, i do no wot it is like hun to b terrified i doxx
and do u mean u indulgin indrink tht u now regretx
imdoingthis. I'm sure lots of women have felt, and still feel the way that you are right now. That awful thing of 'he's never going to stop' They have all come through it, seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and you will too. Keep believing in that, try not to let him get inside your head, fight off the feelings you have for him, and one day, that 'hold' will be broken. You will be free of him again, and you'll live the life that you so deserve.