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hello

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Sy, aren't you on the same sleeping tablet as me? Begins with a Z? Zoplicone or something like that? I am issued a few at a time, and I don't get the feeling you get! Could take me hours to get to sleep after taking it, and I don't feel relaxed after 15 mins. What doze are you on? I sooooooooooo need that one.

x

Posted on: September 10, 2010 - 9:43pm
sadsy

Oh I'm on the "granny" dose 3.75mg.

yep Zopiclone, has an extremely unpleasant taste. Accidentally bit one once. Took 24 hours to get rid of taste. Bitter beyond belief.

Ask for a stronger dose. I am really sensitive to medication. Everything works on me.

Posted on: September 10, 2010 - 10:12pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

3.75mg same as me. They won't give me a stronger dose, so wish they would, if I got the feeling it gives you, hehe

Bit one by accident? How? They are so ruddy small, lol. Am intrigued, so might go bite one now, Laughing

Posted on: September 10, 2010 - 10:20pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Sleeping tablets do seem to have varied effects. Some years ago I was given some Temazapan for occasional use but I must say they didn't seem to work on me. Fast forward a couple of years and I woke up one morning and could not get out of bed, all the muscles round my hip had gone into a spasm. Had to have the doctor visit me and she gave me Diazepam amongst other things. I did take them for a day or so, until the spasm unlocked but I kept falling to sleep. I expect the two tablets were fairly similar so don't understand why they had different effects.

Glad that you had some good contact with Lk's head of year, sadsy. Keep on the case for A's headteacher, they have an obligation to advise you of her progress.

Posted on: September 11, 2010 - 7:56am
sadsy

OMG Alisoncam, 

never bite a zopiclone!

My counsellor said I could take half a tablet if need be and I was fed-up with the blessed things pinging across the kitchen table and disappearing into the junk pile.

So I had the not brilliant idea of biting one in half. UUUUURRRRGH SurprisedYell

Maybe it would be better to take one and a half, to give a dose of 5mg or so? Cut in half in a dessert* bowl to prevent losing the other half getting lost. See how you feel in the morning.

 

Spasms in bed Louise, blimey, is one of the safe advantages of sleeping alone. Don't fancy being spasm'ed out of bed in the night. 

Hug sy

 

*is this the Sahara or pudding container? It's all in the S's

Posted on: September 11, 2010 - 12:09pm
sadsy

night night 

Posted on: September 11, 2010 - 10:56pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Night Sy, hope you get a good night. Remember, no biting the tablet, hehe

x

Posted on: September 11, 2010 - 10:58pm
sadsy

When you were here before 
Couldn't look you in the eye 
You're just like an angel 
Your skin makes me cry 
You float like a feather 
In a beautiful world 
I wish I was special 
You're so f_cking special 

But I'm a creep 
I'm a weirdo 
What the hell am I doing here? 
I don't belong here 

I don't care if it hurts 
I want to have control 
I want a perfect body 
I want a perfect soul 
I want you to notice when I'm not around 
You're so f_cking special 
I wish I was special 

But I'm a creep 
I'm a weirdo 
What the hell I'm doing here? 
I don't belong here 

She's running out again 
She's running out 
She runs runs runs 

Whatever makes you happy 
Whatever you want 
You're so f_cking special 
I wish I was special 

But I'm a creep 
I'm a weirdo 
What the hell am I doing here? 
I don't belong here 
I don't belong here 

Posted on: September 12, 2010 - 4:12pm
HelenT

Sadsy,

 

It sounds like you have been very busy. Its great that Lk's year head is such a postive man, any news on A's school? Whats happened with the police?

Thinking of you.

HelenT

Posted on: September 12, 2010 - 5:50pm
sadsy

I have to draft my closing comments for the police on harassment letter, they are not going to withdraw it. They will record my objections on the file.

Spoke to Lk and A tonight. Lk was like a robot. A was screaming in pain from her back. She managed to tell me she had been to hospital yesterday. Course, I not heard anything about it from L. I texted L to give her the opportunity to come clean tonight about the hospital visit but there has been nothing.

I will drag it out of the doctors in Romford tomorrow. More fighting.

Will be calling a new solicitor tomorrow. They have won legal aid lawyer of the year for family work so we will see. Will not burn bridges with outgoing solicitor until new one ready to take over. If I'm lucky. "Question is punk, do you feel lucky?" as Clint Eastwood said.

Will ask A's head why she did not call me as promised. 

Lk needs a new map of the school layout as he got lost last week.

Iron a shirt for court.

Compile all my Cafcass complaints into one document. Have objected to office boss being appointed to deal with my complaint. If I go and meet with her I will film her.

Speak to Havering councillor re complaint social services inaction.

Was close to not calling the children tonight. Fed up with being recorded. Was a horrible call too.

call doctors to get my copy of the med report on me.

Best take my loony tablet. I'm sure I've forgotten to do something. Oh yes legal aid have written to me. Have no idea what it is all about.

Est £8-10 phone bill for tomorrow.

More nightmares for when I sleep. Great. Really looking forward to it.

Hope you Ok Helen and thank you for visiting me on hello.

night night x

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 12:07am
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

hope you sleep ok Sy.

Lot ahead for you.

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 12:55am
sadsy

Am sick of this, kids not in school. They say A is in hospital

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 1:04pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

OMG  I hope you hear something very soon.

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 1:30pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

This is ridiculous!

They are not obliged to inform you in terms of them initiating the contact but if you instigate the contact yourself by enquiring (as you did) then they should tell you.

I hope they will respond shortly. In the meantime it might be a good thing that A is in hospital as they might solve the problem for her?

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 2:31pm
sadsy

I have found that repeated calls to different people means extra bits of information slip out because of fragmented comms and patchy training.

She has been discharged from ward. That's all I can gleen.

Last call of the day is with the school for A as head is off sick. I am trying to speak with deputy head at 3.30pm.

Lk is not in school and is not expected back until Wednesday.

May have a lay down after last call. Am hungry too.

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 3:06pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I'm guessing that Lk will be with her while A is poorly.  Timings can be so unpredictable that I used to take all my lot with me to appointments...

At least she's been discharged Sy, which is good.

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 3:14pm
sadsy

Yup, am back to morose singing now:

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself
It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins
And it wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears...

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 3:29pm
sadsy

last call today, A's school

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 3:30pm
sadsy

f-ing crying now - miss Lk. :(

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 4:52pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Oh dear, sadsy, what a rotten day for you Cry At least you know she has been discharged. Why on earth isn't Lk at school till Wednesday?

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 4:58pm
HelenT

Sadsy, I so sorry to hear all this...what an awful, stressful time for you.

Thinking of you.

HelenT

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 5:32pm
sadsy

Thank you Helen.

Have finished wracking sobs. Pictures of children on summer contact with "criminal" dad tip me over edge. I sent them to the award winning law firm I want to help me. They are very busy and may not have a space till mid October.

Find a shirt for court tomorrow. Wonder if I'll get attacked by drug addict's mum again? I'll ask her if I see her. It's unlikely as her attempts to intimidate me did not work, she has no other approaches. I stood like a rock, as ever, in the face of hatred and violence. If P is there he will not bother me, he saw his future in my eyes last time he challenged me and withdrew. I'm no fighter, but I have a limit to the abuse I can take and I have suffered for so long.

Am feeling very emotional tonight. Better to cry it all out tonight so I can deliver cold justice tomorrow at court. May ask the Usher to be watchful and point, as I was assaulted last time.

First thing I will say to barrister number 5 is "hello, are you any good?". I'm not there to make friends.

Aims:

– re-establish direct contact, children are suffering and missing me (I guess)

– witheld medical information on A

– request mental health assessment for L

– request regular hair strand drug testing for P, once every 4 months for a year.

Oh i don't know am worn out. F,ing turn-up at court and "brass it out".

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 7:11pm
HelenT

Hi Sadsy,

So stressful, but at least you have a clear plan and aims that you hope to achieve.

Court sounds like the most soul-destorying process, try to keep strong, your doing a fantastic job and your children will be proud of the lengths you went to for them.

HelenT

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 7:27pm
sadsy

"Shake hands, Peachy" says he. "I'm going now."

Out he goes looking neither left nor right, and when he was plumb in the middle of those dizzy dancing ropes – "Cut you beggars, cut!" he shouts; and they cut, and old Danny fell, turning round and round and round, like a penny-whirlygig, twenty thousand miles, for he took half an hour to fall till he struck the water, and I could see his body caught on a rock with the gold crown close beside.

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 7:27pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and hope the barrister No 5 is worthy of the title.

It's appalling that you've not been kept informed of A's health. 

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 7:33pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Sy. Hope A is ok, am sure she is if they've discharged her.Hopefully they can now treat her problem. The very best of luck for tomorrow. Stay strong.

Hugs and strength for you.

x

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 8:24pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

We will all be with you in spirit tomorrow, sadsy. Please know that we are thinking of you. Smile

Posted on: September 13, 2010 - 10:21pm
Pansy

I have permission to speak from sadsy.

Have just had call from him. court have ordered that L also has a mental health assesment & also that her now, husband can not cut his hair! lol this mad me laugh, only sadsy can get a court to do something like that.

The rest however  CryYell.

 A 'is' in hospital & is having an MRI scan tomorrow & sadsy is NOT allowed to go & see her!  They think that it will be at least middle of November before he can the children again.

I am outraged !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  am soooo angry & upset. I am already having a struggle myself with things & have been feeling so down, i have no faith in justice anymore.

sadsy's mum has gone up to the ward to see A & taken her ballons etc from Daddy. (while sy sits in the car park) A is going to say ' where is Daddy' what is his Mum going to say? how is she to explain to a six yr old why Daddy can't be there? 

sadsy is in his survival mode & has no feeling & is numb, this is how he copes with things, it's not good to  be doing this so often. I don't know what will happen about the final court date as i know he needs to get back to work before then, maybe he won't have legal aid in his final hr.

Lets hope the court see's things how the are, especially how rideculous it is not seeing the children after being given them for two weeks so she can go on her honeymoon! that's how bothered she was.

I had a call from the LEA bloke yesterday evening, he said the school are waiting for advice from legal services, that's all got told, i told him my solicitor is sending a letter to the school telling them i have parental responsibilitys. All i want is my daughter's reports!, not a say in what she does there.

pansy x 

 

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 5:38pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Oh dear, poor sadsy and the children, at least he has got them to do a proper assessment, I agree it does seem very incongruous that he is not to see the children when he has just had them for two weeks. It will be for all the reports to be completed. In one sense it is good that the next stage is over with, it is awful waiting for these things to happen.

That sounds like a good idea getting your solicitor to write to the school, have no idea why they are being so obstructive

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 7:09pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Sadsy. This is all so terrible for you, and little A being in hospital and you not allowed to visit must be tearing you apart. She is in the best place, which of course you know, but still, it is awful that you're not there with her. You're numb right now, Pansy says, but you have got to carry on being strong, so at the end of all of this, you are still there for your children, which is what you've been fighting for all of this time.

I hope A was ok when your mum visited. Take lots of care

Alison

x

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 7:51pm
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Thank goodness her grandmother is allowed to see her.  The whole situation is ridiculous.

At least there have been a couple of positives.

I really hope that A's problems can be diagnosed and treated quickly.  Poor mite.  She'll see the balloons from her daddy and know he's thinking of her.

All have to be positive here though, I feel.

I can well believe Sy is shattered after today.

 

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 8:11pm
sadsy

A candy-colored clown they call the sandman
Tiptoes to my room every night
Just to sprinkle star dust and to whisper
“Go to sleep, everything is all right”

I close my eyes then I drift away
Into the magic night, I softly say
A silent prayer like dreamers do 
Then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you

In dreams I walk with you
In dreams I talk to you
In dreams you’re mine all the time
We’re together in dreams, in dreams

But just before the dawn
I awake and find you gone
I can’t help it, I can’t help it if I cry
I remember that you said goodbye

Too bad it only seems
It only happens in my dreams
Only in dreams
In beautiful dreams.


Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 9:25pm
sadsy

text to L:

Not informing the other parent when their child is admitted to hospital rates in the top ten "most disgusting things L has done".

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 9:28pm
sadsy

Love letters straight from your heart
Keep us so near while apart.
I'm not alone in the night
When I can have all the love you write.

I memorize ev'ry line,
I kiss the name that you sign.
And, darling, then I read again right from the start
Love letters straight from your heart.


Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 9:50pm
sadsy

Only these two songs convey how angry I am at the moment.

Have spoken to ward sister Sarah and she has consulted with "the mother" and I am not to be given any details.

Can't take much more today.

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 9:56pm
sadsy

Only wanted to see how my daughter was.

Posted on: September 14, 2010 - 9:57pm
Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

I know your poor mum has been through a lot but maybe that is the way for you to get the news?

Hope A will get on Ok

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 7:30am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

I think L is rotten to the core. You and she have issues, but no matter what has gone on between you and her, there is no doubt that you love the children. Not to be given any information is heartless. Keep cool Sy, your day will come.

x

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 10:49am
sparklinglime
DoppleMe

I wish I believed in karma, I really do.

 

Hope you hear good news very, very soon.

 

Welsh hugs (not that they're any more effective)

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 11:49am
sadsy

Message removed by moderator

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 3:11pm
Pansy

ummm........or mother's   Foot in mouth

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 3:14pm
sadsy

Message removed by moderator

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 3:21pm
sadsy

no reply of course.

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:20pm
sadsy

Have struck two blows to L today. Hope they score a hit.

 

“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense”

 

Winston Churchill

 

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:31pm
sadsy

Now best look up the psychologist L and I will be required to see. I love it that the brief will be identical for both parent's assessment. 

I didn't get to see my counsel in action, as the two barristers battle it out in a room empty of clients and then return to the clients for approval. All I can see is the results.

Psychologist is only available in January. An interim hearing is scheduled for late November when the infamous Cafcass officer will be cross examined about her report. 

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:43pm
sadsy

Mum bought me a pair of jeans in GAP last night.

Was a relief because I was not asked to take my birth certificates, or have the permission of L before choosing and purchasing. They didn't even ask me to have a psychological assessment or be separated from the jeans for 4 months pending the results before wearing them.

The transaction was recorded, but will cease when I return home with them.

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:47pm
sadsy

Can't help but chuckle at this one Laughing

“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill


Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:49pm
sadsy

Sorry am getting carried away.

 

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

Winston Churchill

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:51pm
sadsy

I'm stopping for now.

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 4:51pm
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Love the enemies one. I have lots of them at C's school. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh

Posted on: September 15, 2010 - 5:17pm