hello
Hi sadsy, breaking up is never easy.
You need to give yourself a lot of positive attention right now and like bubblegum says, let it all out, its normal to be tremendously upset.
We are here to listen if you want to talk......type!
Take care and speak soon
Early hours of the morning are always the worst.
I did a bit of goggling and I found this maybe it might be of help : )
later : )
Simon.
That's a fab website, thanks Bubblegum :)
Hey sadsy, great to hear that you have found something of some use to you in your darkest times. Keep visiting us, you have friends here. :)
You said that your ex is meeting her new 'friend' today, can you do something that you would enjoy doing for yourself? Perhaps go and buy that magazine that you always meant to have a look at, or watch that DVD you never saw?
Don't worry about me, I rarely take offence to anything : )
and thanx for the nice words about my pictures.
How old are your children and how are they dealing with the situation, the thing with the teddy bears was nice, sometimes my children to the sweetest things that bring a tear to my eyes : )
I used to attend a parenting course every Friday and I was explaining this to my son and he asked why and I told him it was so that I could be a good parent and he looked at me all quizzical like and said, but you are a good parent.. : )
later
Simon
Hi sadsy
It's a horrid place to be. I'm sorry the counsillor was not able to help.
Do you think that you would be able to somehow work out a plan of how you would like things to be with your children? You need to be sure that you do have a regular situation so that you see as much as you can of your children. As your wife is needing to find housing, have you thought that it might be possible for you to have the children stay with you?
Could this be why their mother seems to be treating it urgently to find alternative housing? While parenting courses are brilliant - I've been on a couple, and have met brilliant people and made a brilliant friend through them - I'm quite sure you're a loving and superb dad to your children. Parenting courses can always be an option in the future.
If you feel that you can focus in some way on the children, it honestly will help you. My children are my sole reason for breathing. They have got me through so much since I lost my mum, and I'll be grateful to them for that, always. Your children need to know that you love them and that you are there unconditionally for them.
Cuddle your daughter - and beat your son on the Xbox. If you are able to laugh with them, that will help them so much.
How would you like to see things working here with your children?
Sending loads of hugs and strength your way. You WILL get through this - we can all offer you tremendous support - and I have a very good shoulder...
Best wishes
Hi sadsy
It is painful to know that your children are watching you and are aware that you are unhappy, but remember you don't always need to put on a brave face. They understand sadness, just by giving them your attention, will be good for them. If you feel like they are trying to make you laugh and you just don't feel like it, it is fine to say something like 'What you say is very funny' then you are acknowledging them and showing them that you see that they are making that effort.
Parenting programmes are excellent, you learn a lot from other parents, but it doesn't fix relationships, so keep focussing on you and your children, your ex will find it hard to watch you enjoying each other. This is obviously a very difficult time for her also, she is probably just showing it in a different way.
Enjoy your bike ride, I hope you find that 'natural' high, that is SO healthy for the body and soul.
HI : )
hope you enjoyed your bike ride, I too have been riding a bike recently, so as to regain my youthful physique, I've also stopped eating bread and drinking (so much) wine : )
My mum, every time I mention wine, is keen to tell me that it is basically liquid cream cake and so I only drink one bottle a week now, bummer! on a Friday (I now look forward to Fridays) I get a bottle and hands trembling open it and drink it while watching something suitably high brow and foreign on a dvd : )
Takle care : )
Simon.
P.S. I miss bread too : (
Hello sadsy
Yes, it can be a case of surviving hour by hour. The breathing technique sounds very helpful, and bike-riding too.Any activity which uses energy like this will release deep-held anger and also be a mood lifter with all those endorphins. It must be confusing seeing all these different counsellors :? This time WILL pass but at the moment I am sure you feel very stuck. The others have said focus on the children and this could really help (them as well as you!) Sometimes children will talk more easily when they are doing some "other" activity e.g.,something practical like model making, This might be particularly true of your 10 year old.
Above all, remember that your feelings are quite normal and don't panic about how bad you are feeling just now. The goal just now is survival-for your kid's sake and your own. What you are going through is a natural grieving process, as you must have also experienced when you lost your beloved baby daughter. Be kind to yourself and you will get through today.....and then the next day
Best wishes, there is lots of support for you here
Louise
Hi sadsy
Glad you feel able to share your thoughts and feelings here and also the tips your counsellor gave you, it will surely help you feel a little stabilised and hopefully help others reading these posts too. :)
Bubblegum
'A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips!!!' :lol: :lol:
I love that expression! Just had to say it!!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I'm off to the Food Glorious Food thread!!!
Bubblegum
'A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips!!!' :lol: :lol:
I love that expression! Just had to say it!!
Eat it today, wear it tomorrow.
I like that one. : )
I hope its a lovely sunny morning for you. I'm sure the children will love having you take them.
You can ask the children to give you a lesson on taking them to school.
You can ask the children to give you a lesson on taking them to school.
That's a nice idea : )
I hope it went well this morning, and that the sun did shine - or at least not raining!
Will you be picking them up too? Nothing lifts me up more than when the children are home from school.
I hope today will be one filled with positive things for you.
Hi sadsy
Was taking the children to school an enjoyable task, did you arrive without any snow or car crashes?! I am sure that it went smoothly and the children enjoyed showing off their school to you and you to their school. Perhaps over the next few weeks you could offer to take them again.
It was really good to hear that you had a moment of painfreeness. Things do change as time goes on and different thoughts enter our heads.
Keep looking after yourself. :)
I'm so glad the children enjoyed the school walk. I'm gald you did too. A tick in the box, along with trampolining - is there a room in your mum's garden for one for when they come to stay?
To be honest, I doubt that those who were looking at you were thinking what your thought they were thinking - they're just curious to see the 'other' parent. When ex would take the children to school (very rare event, and only when I was really ill), I know he had the same reaction - simply because it's different. Not because they're sorry for you.
Louise may see the school run as her territory, but you could always say that you enjoyed taking them in and how about doing it again on Tuesday. She might say no, but without asking...
As for Louise. I doubt friendship will be on the cards. Maybe in time, but not just yet. I should imagine she has an agenda and is focusing on that. She may seem to be having a great time, but she will be hurting too. There is no satisfaction in ending a relationship - I was the one who chose to end my marriage. Ex felt that I should have dealt with the lady friends and the new path he chose to take. I chose not to.
I broke my heart, by the way, which surprised me.
This does not mean that once new routines are established that there won't be an amicable point. It's just all of this is so new at the moment.
The bicylce ride to and from Tesco sounds really challenging! You did well. I reckon that's another positive for the day.
I looked at loads of things as a last before I was able to leave (had to sell the house to pay off his debts), yet, as someone said there are so many new beginnings ahead, and they can all be good. Me being callous, stuff Louise here, enjoy these new experiences with your children. Love and cherish them as they will get you through so much.
You mention that you'll be a weekend dad eventually. Has any of this been discussed? This will be another thing to focus on and to get in place.
Walks and fresh air will lift your spirits - especially on a sunny day. Are there cycle paths nearby where you can go with the children?
Have you seen a solicitor yet sadsy? Or at least CAB.
If she can see how sad you are, it could be that some things will be agreed to that will later be regretted.
Mediation can be really good. If you have an established contact routine going, even if new guy does become trusted by her, it would be hard to break an established routine contact.
Don't look at her phone. I know its horrid, I know its hard. Try to move your focus to making things work for you and the children.
Having said that, I had a wonderful last Christmas day cooking the dinner deleting text messages that were coming in on ex's phone!! :lol: The girl was my friend, and could quite innocently tell her husband she was coming to see me - knowing full well I'd be in bed after working nights. They'd camp with the children in the garden when I was working. I was so naive!
While I was never particularly jealous, it was a stomach churning moment realising how close they'd become. Five years down the line she'll still go on and on and on about him (our daughter's go to Scouts!).
I agree when you say about not defaulting. I was accepted on a housing list once I knew the house had to be sold to pay off his debts. That was accepted. Choices have been made, and it's not going to be easy for her either - although clearly she thinks it could be. You do need to rebuild your future and give your children security when they are with you.
You can get some really comfy camp beds. You need your sleep, and sleeping on the floor means your not comfortable. If the children see you tucked up all cosy on a camp bed, it will help them cope with the changes.
I'm interfering now though - sorry. I do tend to go on! I hope you're able to have some fun bits over the weekend.
Yes it might be worth having a word with your GP. DO you find you still take a long time to drop off when you have had the tablet? Or do you drop off, only to wake really early? If the former, then you could take the tablet earlier. If the latter, then maybe your anti ds will help once they kick in and it is a case of waiting for a few days?
Hello sy
Sorry you have had such a bad night. I really do think another trip to the GP might help. You could mention the breathlessness as well.
I hve noticed that you have said in several of your posts "I am not a bad person" Is this what Louise is trying to imply? You have to believe in yourself and your ability to survive this....one hour at a time.
Take care
I can see how far you've come and how brilliantly you're doing. Definitely not a bad person.
When you're living it, it's not so easy to see, I know.
I do believe you're right in not leaving the family home. I do however, wish you could somehow make it more comfy for you. I hate the thought of you being on the floor.
I'm sorry that your step-father is so ill, and glad you were able to speak to him. Is your Auntie able to offer some support to you? Family support can make such a difference - sadly I didn't have it.
If you feel able to, offer to take the childen to school again. Try not to ask Louise what she's up to, other than to have an idea of what's happening with the children.
You don't come across as a bad person to me either : )
Hi sadsy
I agree with the others, you are not a bad person, you are on here looking for support and therefore you are reaching out and looking for something to change/shift. Trust me we have all been there.
Why is it in the middle of the night that the boogey men come and get us and blow everything out of a proportion that we can deal with?? :?
When I used to find it difficult to sleep, I had to find one thing that gave me peace of mind, so that I could focus on that and not have a million negative, scary, mind boggling ideas running through my brain. Simple things like, we had food in the fridge for dinner tomorrow, had done the washing up, so the kitchen would be nice in the morning, that the sun would be shining etc. Sometimes it would take ages for a good thought and I remember finding much peace one night with 'Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and I am the only person in control of MY life, so I will start again tomorrow'.
It has also been said that if you write down three positives that have happened in the day, that you can't feel too blue. It might seem hard but if you look hard enough you can find them, whether it be that you made your daughter laugh, or that you noticed a brightly coloured flower or that you rode your bike to Tesco's (clap, clap, clap!!)
Hi sadsy
Have a look at this link:
http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/
They can offer you legal advice on the phone or by post, you can text them and they can call you back. I have heard this is an excellent service and its all FREE!
Let me know if it was useful?!
That's a shame :( Most solicitors will give you a free 30 minutes, however. Check when you phone but go to http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/en/directory/directorysearch.jsp to find one in your area. I am not encouraging you to run up massive legal bills, mind you.
Better to be informed though - good or bad. At least you have an idea of what lies ahead.
If there's anyway to sort out a settlement amicably though, it can save so much money.
Hi sadsy, just when you think you are one hoop another hurdle comes up, eh?
Your ex is now considering leaving the property, have I got that right? She really is ready to move on, there is no point trying to hold on to the past. Is it feasible for her to move out? Will she take the children? Do you want them to be upheaved or is there an easier way than this?
I agree with sparklinglime, not just about money, but everything included in splitting up, about trying really hard to compromise and making things amicable. Sometimes these things get so out of control, two people can't come back from feeling bitter and the people it affects the most is the children.
Heck Sy.
Any news?
Thinking of you.
Hello.
It's not your fault, and I know everyone says it but seriously it does get better, with time and all that yadda yadda, but I don't suppose you want to hear all that, I know I never do : )
Do you have family, brothers, sisters, parents? you need to talk to someone, or just even sit down in somones house staring at a cup of coffee because just being on your own alone dwelling on it all is not a good idea. Go out and find someone to talk to.
Crying is good, for me long walks and crying were good : )
There is a way out for everyone and everyone is different and things do get better : )
take care and keep posting : )
Simon.