hello
Hi Sadsy.Hope you get your daughter sorted soon. Maybe the pain is from the pressure of trying to push!!!! I remember when my son didn't wee for about 8 hours, the Dr thought it could be kidney failure 
There was no smell or anything either. Thankgoodness, it didn't turn out to be that. With my son, not weeing is a sign that he is ill!! Have you got the children back tonight? Have you got your daughter into the Drs for later today. Am sure they would treat this as an emergency.
Much easier to get a sample from a girl than a boy, so no panic there sadsy.
CAFCASS REPORT
Yes it has slithered onto my hall floor.
I have come out very badly. All contact with the children will cease for me. They are going to have me psychologically assessed. I'm quite looking forward to being assessed. I feel mischievous already. 
The loss of contact is devastating though. All the allegations from my ex and her druggy husband have been taken as truthful, without any independent verification.
L's new husband is going to undergo a drug hair test, though the longest hairs on his body will be his pubes or armpit hair. They will only show 3 months at most, if 1 inch of growth is one month (guessing).
I am apparently at risk of self harm and the children. Quite how a 20 minute chat with an ex-nursery school teacher who is now employed at Cafcass Romford can establish this is beyond me.
Children are watching Atlantis, is a fab movie, great soundtrack. Also I fancy princess Kida. Should I tell the psychological assessor? It's normal to fancy a cartoon character surely...
Oh well. Another project for me. I'm sure there is some form of appeal. How can I get more out of my apathetic solicitor?
It's not like I see children much anyhow. Maybe it's time to concentrate on myself now. Maybe the children will seek me out when wisdom reveals to them who they live with and what they were about. I'm happy for the children to be my judges. No one else.
Ah well.
Have a glass of juice and settle down for bed now.
Night night xx
Oh Sadsy, huge hugs for you. I am so so sorry. Surely they can't cut all contact. How can they say that you are at risk and the children, and yet you have the children with you now? I don't know what, but your solicitor must be able to help you. Don't give up Sadsy, you're a fighter, and I know you're worn down by it all, but for your children you have to keep fighting to see them. They love you very much.
Get some sleep, tomorrow is another day, and you'll feel a bit stronger.
x
whoops, forgot to add, Make Sure You're Eating
Hope the kids are enjoying the film. Dad too by the sound of it 
x
I'm so shocked at that. Words fail me here.
Character references? There are people who know you well who I'm sure will be stunned at this and help.
I wouldn't have expected the 'other' parent to have wanted this anyway, as it is time out for them. (having not had time out for over 3 years now, but I know it ws often welcomed).
As you say 20 minutes is such a short time to reach such devastating conclusions.
Meanwhile enjoy the rest of this break. I just wish I had an idea of what to suggest here.
Hello,
can't sleep. A has woken again for pain relief and L keeps thrashing around in his sleep and knocking into me.
Had a banana as even though I've eaten well I have rumbly tummy.
Oh yes, apparently I'm not allowed to tell the children they won't be seeing me. Cafcass don't know me very well. I shall be making a short speech on Sunday before they go back. So their world makes sense to them and they do not wonder why their daddy is not seeing them anymore.
Have decided to take my ipod with me to psychological assessment. I will make a short statement then listen to Radiohead. He can poke me when he's finished assessing me. As every bit of information has been used against me, he shall have none. In abundance.
Yes, I have also thought character reference too.
I think A has urinary infection, her wee is hurting she says. Sigh. She is annoyed with me for running out of wet wipes. The doctor has sent off sample today with result back on Friday.
My mum wouldn't read the report.
The abduction of the children was not mentioned anywhere in the report, which surprised me.
Because holiday contact was opposed by Cafcass prior to them being with me, I spent a week trying to contact the caseworker only to be told she had just gone on holiday. I sent a complaint, claiming incompetency and for the case to be changed to another office.
Timeout
Yes, me too, I would of thought they would be glad of it.
Jobcentre
Met a nice guy caseworker who has the honour of being the only man to ever win custody of his child Tunbridge Wells court. Please don't try and tell me there is no gender bias. I shook his hand. It took him 3 years.
Solicitor
I have sent her this message: Content deleted by moderator
GF
Has burst into tears at the news.
Counsellor
Have texted him for his help. I need supporting research for imparting basic information to the children. I don't believe in Victorian silence. It doesn't help the children make sense of their world.
Police
Have sent my complaint in at the harassment letter. Again, no one bothered to verify any of the allegations before issuing it. Pure incompetence.
Norfolk
Am worried a urinary infection will plague A on these last days.
Bath, have just spent 30 mins bathing A. Sigh. She wants to know what I am typing.
Yaawn.
Bed now.
Hug sy
Morning sadsy
I am flabbergasted. So the children's mother has gone off on a fortnight's honeymoon, leaving them with you and then all off a sudden, after that fortnight you are seemed to need an assessment? 
Whilst doing the "assessment" in the way you said would be funny, really it would just be playing into their hands so subdue your sense of anarchy. Maybe the report means they want an assessment BEFORE they decide about contact?Don't give up and think it is forever.
I won't tell you there isn't a gender bias. There is.
As for not telling the children, I agree with you. It would not be good to disappear into the ether for heaven knows how long, they need to know that you love them and want them and it is not your fault that you can't be with them and it is "the rules" that the court say. However they do NOT need to hear a lot of negative stuff about their Mum, however much you know it to be true. The reason is because they have to live with her and if you tell them too many bad things you will frighten them. That's my take on it anyway, after nine years working with separated families.
Hope the night went better after your latest post. If A is still having a lot of trouble with wee, try giving her diluted cranberry juice and see if she will drink a little dissolved bicarbonate of soda powder (is yuk but counterracts the acid), also plenty of water, though might mean multi stops on the way to Norfolk. NHS advice line is here, to get it from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
Hello sadsy
Well yes that is what I meant, that they want to do an assessment but then hopefully there WILL be some parenting time again.
Do you feel Ok about going to Norfolk? Do take care.....
Have a great time in Norfold Sy
Have a lovely time with the children Sadsy. Hope A is feeling a bit better. Safe journey.
x
Mmm. Very worrying. Hope the GP can come up with a solution today. Poor A
Hi Sadsy, hope A is feeling better. I guess what L is basically saying is that A has seen someone, and they have said strict diet only! Doesn't of course help when A is in so much pain! Wait and see what your GP comes up with regarding the results of the sample, and take it from there. I do think L should have told you that she had taken A to A and E because of this problem. I would have thought that the suppository would have worked, and as she seems to have had a few, I would push for something else, or at least ask them what can be done to help a little girl in so much pain. It's heartbreaking to listen to children scream in pain. Have you tried a warm water bottle on her back, to ease it maybe. I know this isn't a solution but it might help A a little bit, and of course keep giving her the water.
Hugs for A and you.
x
I agree with alisconcam, speak to GP and a warm water bottle is a great idea. Is she any better lying on her tummy? ie less pressure on her back?
Am I right in saying you did not go to Norfolk?
Whilst the dietary advice is sensible for any constipation problem, to get it this severely so regularly does not sound healthy and I wonder if A's own GP has referred her to a specialist to see why this keeps happening.
hot water bottle might help?
What did the GP say with regard to A's results?
Hi Sadsy. At least an infection has been ruled out. I'm assuming that area is ok for A now, and she isn't complaining that she hurts when she wees anymore? The other problem will have to be handed over to L now, as the kids are going home soon. I am sure she will do every necessary to sort it out.
I know it is extremely painful right now for you, but once the assessment is done, then it will go back to normal visitation for the children and you. Stay strong until you've handed them back. Enjoy the remainder of their stay. Hugs for you all.
x
Thank you alisoncam.
Visited beach and fought the waves with L on pink inflatable ring.
Got rained off beach with sudden storm. Then A had screaming fit in the car where she couldn't sit. took and hour.
Then we have ridden back to aunty linda's.
Time is nearing end soon. Am thinking of the spycholical assessment thingy. Could be a laugh.
L has taken full advantage of A's phone. I don't mind her phoning. L and I are unalike in this respect. A is 6 and has learnt almost all the phone features now. just have to show her how to charge it.
I'm glad you're having a good time. Just sorry the sun didn't shine all the time...
Loads of hugs.
Good for her learning how to master the phone. Miracles could happen and L could learn from the unlimited phone contact she's had...
In my case, the children are free to contact The Git whenever they choose. In the days they stayed with him, they were not allowed to contact me (I never contacted them).
Yes, funny how it doesn't cut both ways....
Hi Sadsy. Do the children go back today? Am thinking of you Hopefully L will not put restrictions on your phone calls, especially as she has now spent time apart from the children, and knows for herself how important it is to speak to the children. Glad A has picked up how to use the mobile. Kids learn a lot faster than us, lol.
The pain has when sitting down. Could be she has a tear or something from all the pushing. That can be very painful, and cream can be bought if this is the case. Hope she is ok on the return journey. Really pleased you've all had a lovely holiday together.
x
Hello,
Update.
this time last week I had a call from daughter in Scotland crying & saying she wants to come home & begging me, i told her the usual thing which is to remind her why she went, tell her she now has to see things through, tell her i love her & miss her but because of her behaviour cant see how it can work her living here. I was very upset that she seemed to be soo unhappy but I knew what was triggering it....she was starting school the next day! I know what she gets like when she is worried & it was obviously a time when she felt she needed me, my bet was that she would be fine the next day after she had been to school.
next thing I know, i get a text from 'his' GF (one of many I have had during the course of the year) telling me that could i plz hurry up & make my mind up if i want dauhgter home or not as daughter is starting school & needs to be settled & it is not fair on her to muck her about! well as you know I had commitedmyself to NOT responding to any texts, BUT as dauhgter seemed to be giving out wrong infomation I decided that i would have no choice but to text back to tell the GF that I had not said this. i thought that if i didn't it could become a big issue, so i texted to say i had not said this. what i got back was a string of nasty texts saying i need to tell daughter the truth that i don't want her so she can move on, to stop hurting her, that i should make an effort & phone her, that daughter is better off with them & if i don't start making an effort i will lose her. GF even used the sentence ' when you sent her to ME'
This woman is a total control freak, i thought i had sent daughter to her Dad! i somehow stopped myself responding to it all & simply sent a text saying I did not wish to be texted or called except in an emergency re: daughter & if the texts continued i would get harassment order. My solicitor says there is nothing i can do! but then she has not seen all the others i have had over the year.
It was so upsetting AGAIN & i am so fed up with it. I do phone & text my daughter regularly & have told her over & over as to why she had to go because there was no other way etc but that i still loved her & want her to be happy etc.
am still waiting to hear back from solicitor about future contact arrangments with daughter & to find out what ex's proposals for contact are. It has been made clear to him that he will be responsible for all cost & travel in future to get eldest daughter & son & return them. I am getting passports for me & daughter so that I can go on plane & get her.
BF
was devastated at the news because knowing him like i do i couldn't believe this outcome was possible! i am furious
I want to write a letter of character reference to say what a wonderful Dad he is & that he is a calm balancing influence on childeren. I will be able to say how good he is with my children, two of which have Aspergers, (my son i think he understands better than me at times) I have seen him with his children too & he is fantastic & they love & adore him as mine do too!
I can't believe what is happening, i hope 'she' gets it all mirrored back on her, will serve her right.
Pansy
Hi Pansy
Sometimes these things are out of our control, we fight and fight but can only do our best. I do believe in Karma and that things come back to people, if that is any consolation, but it is a waste of time and energy to want revenge, we only hurt ourselves. Keep going and stay strong, both of you.
Hi Pansy, you did very well with regard to the texting. I would have been furious too. You are continuously telling your daughter that you love her, and why she cannot live at home with you, and even though that must be hard for both of you, if you feel that you've done the best thing, then that is all that matters. Of course I'm not saying that your daughter doesn't matter, far from it, you have done this as much for her, as for you and your other children.
Good idea to write the reference for BF.
x
thanks shortie. Don't worry about not getting here often, it's great to see you when you can. so glad your daughter had a good party!
Will take some fava beans and a nice chianti to the assessment.
Fsssssshhh Fssssshhh Fsssshhh!
Hi Sadsy, I have to say this, but I do feel that if you antagonise whoever is doing the assessment, then it could easily go against you. You are joking right about the above post?
I'm sure you're feeling very sad right now over the children going, and they are bound to miss you too. Hope you get a peaceful nights sleep.
x
this is one of my "you're going to hate me" posts. Because I worry.
I think you have been very right in what you have said to the children. I can only imagine the pain you're feeling, and sending hugs is so inadequate.
I can understand L wanting the consent form to contact the GP. I have to say that it would be something I would want. As The Git was in the same area as me, he knew their GP anyway, but there was no need for the children to go.
Please, please treat this assessment seriously. While I'm sure you are being jovial to keep up your spirits (which I understand), it just isn't going to be helpful to treat it lightly. Giving ammunition could well give reasons to withdraw contact, or for only supervised contact - which, lets face it, would not be good.
Whether fair or not, this is the point that has been reached. You need a good outcome for your children. This is not about you, but about L and A.
It's really good that A has mastered the phone. I'm sure that L could well be like my 14 year old, as they have similar challenges when it comes to communicating.
I am so glad you've had a wonderful time with the children. Focus on this, and keep those good times in your head. You need to be strong for them and for life ahead of you. You need to be well to be there for them and to help provide for their future.
They will always need you. However, by taking this next step, it will, I'm sure, prove that you are more than capable of being an excellent father.
If you do do what you say you're going to do, then I feel you will be cooking your goose.
It is wrong what has gone on. There's no doubting that. But please. Keep plodding on. You will get there. It won't be easy, but the outcome will be worth it.
Your house. Has it come to the point where letting go will be better for you mentally? Will it remove a millstone from your life? I know when the cottage did, it was almost a relief. Yes I'm bitter - always will be, but if I'm honest, I would not have changed this. Your Mum, I'm sure will be able to accommodate you until you find a new job (your own business - how is that getting on?).
You are an incredibly clever man Sy. However hard you are finding this, there is someone in your life who needs your support too. Support each other and move forward.
I have had cider by the way. I'm having a non-birthday party and my eldest has bought me diamond white **slurp**. I'm about to open another can, so it could be that I will be back to lecuture some more...
Loads and loads of Welsh hugs by the way.
Excellent post, sparkling lime, I could not have put it better.
My view is that you did the right thing to mention it to the children, sadsy, otherwise they will wonder where you are.
I also agree 100% that while it is a good way to cope with the stress of what you are going through, to imagine all the funny things you could do at the assessment (and the outfit you could wear....heh heh)it is VITAL that you present as reasonable, able to engage, serious and eager to please....play their game, sadsy, it is the way to get your parenting time re-established.
You will need to be Superman to get through the coming weeks but we will be here to support you. And yes, you can have a day off!
I had my non-birthday yesterday, and had a good day, thank you.
xx
In my books you have every right to tell the children...
Hello sadsy
Thanks for the good wishes
I know you will be back with us soon but it is good that you are spending time with the children. I agree that A's continuing back pain is worrying. OPf course, I am not a doctor
but if it was my child I would be asking whether the doc thought there was any possibility of kidney infection, and when going to the doc I would take a wee sample. To do this you will have to go to the chemist and ask for a urine sample tube (they are about 40p) and get her to do it into a clean container (a little Tupperware?) and decant it into the tube. It is easier for boys to do this, isn't it? 
Hope that A will soon feel better, whatever.
Did you get a decent sleep? That can really help.