hello
Hello everyone,
I have not had much oppotunity to get onto computer recently. one is not working again, the one I use the most. I can't remember now what the last thing I told you all was 
Had an awful time with contact arrangments, all was very upsetting! The result being that I am NEVER speaking with or texting ex again, BF been trying to drum it in to me since goodness knows when! I have finally learnt that by being fair & reasonable, all I am actually doing is opening up the way for abuse from ex. I can't get my head round it to be honest. It is very complicated to try & make any arrangments without contact though. I will have to do it all through solicitor. I am going to leave him to contact his solicitor about contact with my son & 16 yr old will make arrangments with her dad herself. I will be ignoring all texts & calls from him. I will contact my solicitor with proposals for the coming year for contact with 14 yr old daughter & I will pay for & pick her up & take her back & expect him to do the same with the others.
Basically what happened was he changed the date he was picking up son 3 times! I never complained about it once, but kept asking him to put the dates in writing, he would not do it, I told him son would not come unless I had it in writing & I asked him not to book coach up until speaking & checking with me first, I had been trying to speak with him for two weeks to make arrangments as to which coach station & which time of day. Ex ignored my calls & my texts saying this & firstly booked on a time of day I could not do & then flatly refused to respond to the letter from my solictor to confirm arrangments OR write the confirmation of day, time & place in a text! eventually he done it at the last min & BF drove daughter son, & me into central london to take them to the coach. I had a very nasty call from ex which I taped that had shaken me & did not want to see him on my own so I'm glad he came with me. Ex shook his hand & ignored me, so all was ok but there is NO WAY it's happening again! ex can come ALL the way next time & can ask for the contact via his solicitor.
Daughter stayed a week & came back on her own. Son is due back next tuesday & would have been there for three weeks! I am ssoooo missing him.
BF has been a rock. It certainly has all been going on in our lives. I met BF's lovely children last week, was great, they are lovely & love him very much!
Did someone say shirt???
ummm......sadsy it is possible that your tummy just got bigger & that GF did not actually shrink shirt you know 
Pansy
Hi Pansy
You have had a stressful time, it is infuriating when people cannot have the manners or consistency to make and keep arrangements. You are missing your son at the moment, it will be good for you to have him back. You have been trying to be reasonable but just got a load of trouble back so probably best not to engage in it anymore, as you say. It is a great shame when it ends up going through solicitors but you need to know where you stand
My fingers are crossed with the contact.
Well done on the exercise regime. Muscle weighs more than fat... 
The holiday activities sound great. Hope you make some headway :-)
Yes it is tense. It depends whether she sees that they will enjoy being with you as important, rather than wanting to "punish" you by witholding contact
I hope you have eaten sadsy. You need to make sure you care for you as well.
Am sooooo excited! but is not my place to tell you why.
Lets just say I have a very clever BF who has gone off for a horse ride with a spring in his step this morning.
Pansy x
Glad you are excited, and we won't pester you to tell your secret 
Well, not much anyway.....
That is great news!
I still don't see how they can force a sale of a house that's in negative equity?
HOORAY! I am delighted for you!
Good luck with it all and it will be great to have the children there, surely if you were that "evil" you would not be "allowed" to have them for the fortnight? I agree that there seems to be a lot of gender bias in the system so I am glad you are complaining.
As for the Dyson, you could always borrow your Mum's hoover?
Sy. One of these "you're going to hate me" posts.
Don't antagonise the situation. If you have evidence against ex's partner, the situation could be investigated. This will be fed to the children and it will effect them. Everything they can use against you will be. It will affect contact.
It is hard, I know. I now shop away from my home town as I don't want to cross The Gittess's path after the incident in March, which, to be honest, shattered me.
I'm glad you saw your old work colliagues last night. I'm glad you laughed with them, and hope you will see them again. I'm glad they're doing well, as it does show that once things are settled that you will too.
You are clearly a clever man. And to be fair, with the lovely girlfriend you have in your life, perhaps the focus needs to be moved away from hating someone, who yes, has shattered your world. However, you need to start focusing on what you have and building on that.
You are brilliant. You have tremendous support. You have your Mum and you have GF. You do have regular contact with your children, and I cannot begin to tell you how much it worries me that you could well be putting this in jepordy.
I know what's happening is wrong. I know. Just sometimes accepting it is s*** can have a calming effect. I hate it when I get so worked up that I shake - even my head was shaking uncontrollably back in March. I know anger, I know loss. God do I know loss.
Yet I'm happy. I'm in social housing having lost my fantastic 4-bed house, with seperate office (boy do I need that office), quarter an acre of lovely garden and don't forget my own driveway!! This house is tiny, and my car is parked 30 yards away - not good when you're disabled.
I would not change a thing.
The Git is happy too. He's made the life for my children hell at times, almost driving my daughter to a nervous breakdown. He needed control and the children started to rebel. Unlike you though, he wanted less contact. By making the children hysterical over things he achieved his goal - destroying my life at the time (turns out it was a good thing there).
Sy, let this thing with P go. Enjoy the fortnight with the children. They're going to have a wonderful time, even if there are days you just sit in front of the tele under a quilt. Each day doesn't need a plan.
The situation with your house worries me. Its something I don't understand.
Loads of hugs. Have a wonderful, wonderful time.
xxxxxxx
Great post, sparkling
Oh Sparkling you are so lovely! I love it when you give him a good talking to 
My lovely son is home monday evening,he has been gone for 3 weeks, to long. we are picking him up from heathrow coach station (not doing it again to help ex out though) I say 'we' meaning Dad & me as my gearbox in my automatic ford mondeo has gone! 
.
Son will have a days rest & then we have our visitors, at long last they will meet & hopefully stay a few days if all goes well, I hope the two L's, they have almost the same name! get on. I am sure that A will love my 16yr old daughter P. P is looking forward to doing her hair.
Is'nt it funny how men always miss bits on purpose, for instance they may not mention that they have been using their hoover for the past few months with the lead wires hanging out & that they have infact got another Dyson upstairs that they are to lazy to bring down. lol........ummmm is the last time I hoover there, is an impossible task anyway as it is difficult to find the floor.
Pansy x
Good luck Pansy.
I've never been away from my lot that long!! I'm sure Monday can't come quick enough.
I've no doubt you'll have a brilliant time and that the youngsters will have a ball together.
Thinking of you loads - and don't let him look back.
Long enough now to let some light and laughter in.
xxxx
Just to add, that I mull over some replies for days...
Fish!
<,)))><
Oh the joys of parenthood....
Phew!
Make sure she drinks plenty of fluids to help things along
Coffee and a fag always used to always work for me.
www.onespace.org.uk/your-talk/forums/surprise-surprise-rant
that refers to March.
glad you've had a chat with L's brother. It can be so hard on families.
I see with the housing thing.
Just remember, a house is bricks and mortar. YOU make it the home. A heartbreaking lesson my children have had to learn... But they would say the same.
Contact comes first (and in my view PR).
Choose your fights. Accept what you can't win (which, believe it or not, helps)
Oh yeah. and hugs...
(my shift key doesn't want to work, hence lack of capitals!)
March sounds trivial, but at the time it wasn't.
No idea why he hates me. Don't care why either. I think he gets a kick from the control. The Gittess has only known him for three and a half years, and will support him and believe I'm a bitch as she doesn't know different.
I just hope they move and leave us alone - but that's hoping for far too much.
With regards to The Git. I don't believe he's playing a parent alienation card - there's been far too much communication from solicitors and me to get him to see more of the children.
He's played on his wife's emotions to get sympathy and her support.
He wouldn't know the truth if he tripped over it.
He gets a kick out of making waves, and won't see it as negative feelings towards me at all.
He controlled my life for years, with my working 70 hours a week to give him my wages (when he was already earning £2000 after tax etc) for going out. The only thing he finds difficult losing control over me.
You're right, he will never see any of this. I can't even say his loss, as he is choosing not to be part of their lives.
Now, he will choose not to support the children financially. Now I will be pointing this out to the children.
Can't beat games. My daughter and I were having races playing marjiong games yesterday! Total waste of a sunny day...
Have a fabulous, fabulous time.
Oh sadsy I do hope A will be OK, good idea to go to the doctor. Let us know what the doctor says
Sparkling lime, you're right, the children's dad will never see all of that, but let's face it, it suits him not to. If he can believe he is "in the right" then no need for guilt or regrets.
Poor A.
Really do hope she'll be ok after a visit to the GP.
Am home in one piece!
Dad drove me to heathrow coach station to pick up son, my automatic gearbox is dead.
After much braking, holding of breath, involuntary sounds escaping, & wondering which lane he was driving in (which at one point I found myself asking out loud!) we actually made it home safe, at which point as we turned into my road I'd figured it out (thank god I didn't any earlier! )
"Dad do you need glasses for distance?"
mum from the back " oh my god hasn't he got them on?"
" oh that will why he couldn't decide which lane to drive in".
Got my lovely boy back
Pansy
That sounds like a hair-raising journey!! Glasses to the fore next time you get in his car..... Glad you got your son back.
I'm a wreck as a passenger!!
Glad your son is home.
ebay for gogos - youngest and daughter like these and it was the cheapest place I could find them - time for them to get there as they're staying a while...
Can't beat balloons. Mine still love them, and really my lot are quite old now.
Just wanted to say happy birthday to Louise,
thank you so much for your kindness and support.
The two families have met at GF and went better than I thought. Two boys had a great time at the water park. Never seen them have so much fun.
A has been ill and driven me to the point of exhaustion with her back pain and constipation. I have lost my sense of humour with exhaustion and stress. Though not to the point of being grumpy. Just dour.
Have left children with nanny for the night so I can deal with any correspondence from L's solicitors. She is on the attack again regarding property sale. Which is sad, as I just texted L with A's phone number for her new phone and she called at once. It was a small offering from me, met with total obliteration. I must keep fighting on I guess.
A loves the music I put on her phone, so hopefully won't lose it* like L.
Have a peaceful couple of hours in dark house. Must put the lights on to cheer me up.
Have the job centre tomorrow to help with CV. Have developed a dislike for this particular Jobcentre in TW. Am going to change it to Tonbridge instead, they are nicer there.
A's back has hurt her loads, waking her in the night. Before she goes back, I want to take her to the doctor's again to follow-up on the back pain, as she has been pooping once a day for a while and I would have thought the back pain would have eased by now.
Ah well. A full nights sleep for me tonight, I'll use a zopiclone sleeping tablet to ensure it.
Have missed you all, but have no space at the moment to keep up with you.
Hug Simon
*L may have taken it, hard to tell and he would never suspect.
I'm sorry the children won't be with you.
When are you seeing the solicitor, and when is she going away?